A/N: This is the penultimate chapter of the "catch up" between Smurf's death and Molly's return to Bath, I know its long and there's been a bit of a gap, but I had some technical issues (don't ask) so just ploughed on –I do hope you enjoy it and thank you so much for all the lovely reviews and kind comments for the last chapter … thanks as always to Flossy for putting up with my ranting and raving about said technical gremlins

-OG-

"Watch it Moll, didn't you know that your nose grows when you tell lies and anyway I can read minds, me, so no point you keep saying I'm wrong, is there? Can feel it in me water"

"Best see a doctor then… 'n you know you're full of shit … 'ere, if there's someone can really read minds, no-one would ever need to tell 'em anything, would they?"

She was actually bloody grateful he couldn't, he'd have had a field day with hers but she hated the way it was beginning to feel as if she was on trial. It had been an inquisition ever since they'd got in the bus to go to the wake with even Brains joining in so she'd started to wish she'd gone in the car with Smurf's mum, except she was doing her best to avoid being on her own with her. There was still this little matter of feeling horribly guilty because Candy believed she was heartbroken about it all, which she was, just not in the way she thought.

"Well, you know … it's what old Smurfy would of wanted" Fingers sniggered "Wouldn't of been a bit happy you keeping his mates in the dark"

"That's bollocks …there's nothing to know 'n Smurf wouldn't of given a shit … you keep saying that is really getting on me nerves" She huffed "Just say sorry you got it all wrong and then I'll forget all 'bout it"

The others had effectively lost interest the minute they'd seen the food and even better, the free bar. Molly had never been involved in a wake before, she didn't know anyone who'd died, and hadn't even thought about it, but it was pretty much what she'd have expected. The hotel was nice, small and not too posh looking in a quieter bit of the town, but not like an ancient old fogie sort of place. Newport was the sort of seaside town where families went for holidays, and the hotel definitely looked like it was that sort of place and not the sort where underage kids go to get pissed on a weekend. And this wasn't a party, was it? There were blown-up photos of Smurf on the walls, him at school and with the lads at Catterick, family parties and lots with his mates on the sea front and funfair and that, happy photos, lots of smiles on faces.

And there were groups of people wearing dark clothes and miserable faces standing around with drinks in their hands, relatives and friends and that, people who'd probably known Smurf all his life. Older people like his Gran and aunties clustered round Candy wearing what Nan would call Sunday faces. But none of it seemed to have anything to do with the Smurf Molly had known. It felt like it was for someone else, not the cocky little squaddie with the naughty twinkle who always looked as if he was about to do something he knew he shouldn't, not the cheeky, noisy, funny, sometimes downright bloody annoying little cockwomble who walked with a swagger and worried about his mum. The Smurf who hated the Afghans for Geraint and had been so kind to her when she was new and struggling, the mate who'd saved her arse before everything else had kicked off.

She couldn't help it, it felt all wrong.

He should be there, pigging out on the buffet with his mates and trying to drink the free bar dry, it was so bloody hard trying to get her head round that he wasn't going to pop up any second with a broad grin on his gob, pissed as a newt with a pint in his hand. Somebody, although Molly couldn't for the life of her imagine who, had thought it would be a good idea to have a free bar and not just for the one drink for everyone either, but all the drinks and now what with the lads and his other mates taking full advantage, the noise level was going up all the time. But still nothing could stop her thinking she could hear his voice, or stop her looking round expecting to see him, and having to remind herself that all the Welsh voices were because they were in bloody Wales.

And it didn't matter Fingers waiting for her to drop her guard or trying to catch her out, he was wasting his bloody time. She wasn't going to tell them anything about Charles and her chat with him in the churchyard.

"Boss said to tell you special to mind your own bleedin' business"

"He did not" Fingers was horrified "That's a wicked lie, Dawsey"

"Nah, it's not … he did, he saw you watching 'im"

"I'm hurt … cut to the quick" Fingers clutched at his heart in a dramatic bit of over acting.

"Nah you're bloody not" She snorted "'n he never said anything like that … okay? I'm winding you up … dunno why it matters to you but he never said anything 'bout anyone, not even Smurf, he just said about this tour, that's all … so now can you give it a bloody rest, d'you think? You're being a nosy git and It's boring … and I'm bloody 'ungry, want some food before it's all gone"

"What the …" Fingers glanced round at the buffet table and immediately waved his arm furiously at the mainly untouched bowls of salad, with an absolutely outraged expression on his face "Oi greedy bloody bastards … which of you stupid fuckers let him get in there before me?" He nodded his head at Mansfield who was smirking "There's only healthy shit left …

"You snooze, you lose" There was a concerted snigger from the others at what Dangles considered witty repartee, and although Molly didn't mind salad, she was also disappointed that the rest of the buffet looked like a plague of starving locusts had been there. What she'd said was true, she hadn't been able to face eating earlier, had been far too keyed up to try and force anything down past the lump in her throat, and now she was bloody starving. And beginning to get a headache.

Fingers went to grab his pint from the table it had been on while he carried out his interrogation of Molly and then turned back with an expression of incredulous disbelief on his face as he picked up his empty glass with its tide mark of froth and waved it in front of the lads.

"Oi … where's it gone … which one of you fuckers has nicked my pint?".

"Serves you bloody right …" Molly looked round at all the completely faked expressions of choirboy innocence on the faces of the others "Get yerself another one, it's not like you paid for it, is it?"

"Not the point, Dawsey … we're here for old Sicknote, this is his wake … for fuck sake should be all about showing respect … "

"What … like you are you mean? … Yeah right"

"I am … not like the thieving bastard who thought that was funny … come on… which one of you was it?"

"None of us, mate … we wouldn't do that, would we?" Baz sniggered "Think it might of been one of them lot…"

There was a sly grin on his face as he nodded to indicate Smurf's local mates who were standing in a huddle looking truculent and shooting the occasional evil glance at the noisy khaki-clad group. Molly was pretty sure she'd met a few of them before, they were familiar and had likely been in the pub the day she'd been there with Smurf, the day they'd gone to Laugharne. Which all seemed about a million years ago now. Everything had changed since then, well, everything except the way she'd been missing the boss that day, thoughts of him had been filling her head even then. And just for a second the memories of that day let her mind wander to thinking about him, something she'd been trying not to do ever since he'd gone off to wherever he'd been going. Now she couldn't help wondering how long it would take for him to get home or to wherever he was going, she could only assume it was Bath because he hadn't said and she hadn't asked, and she couldn't help worrying about whether his leg was still hurting him. She knew it had been hurting a lot at the church and couldn't help wondering if it still was and whether he'd give in and rest it properly. Although she was pretty sure he wouldn't, stubborn bugger. Then she gave herself a mental slap and tried hard to focus on making a conscious effort to stop thinking about him, there was always this danger someone would notice and start asking her what planet she was on.

"Lads … lads … listen up…" It was obvious from his tone of voice that Eggy was stressed, there was a degree of menace in his loud whisper that made it more of a hiss than anything subtle. He could see, and in fact feel, that the tensions of what had been a shit day for the section were going to boil over into trouble any minute. You could cut the atmosphere with a knife between the lads and some of the locals.

"Behave yourselves … you lot need to think of Smurf's mum … this is a very bad day for her and none of you want to make it any bloody worse … believe me you don't … you're the cream of the British Army and the army don't get involved in this sort of shit at a funeral for one of their own … unless of course someone wants an holiday in Colchester …" He frowned as he issued the threat, leaving them in no doubt he meant every word "Think why we're here … we're here to remember one of our own, one of your mates, it's not the place for any of this rubbish … not unless you want to be up on that charge"

His face was a dead pan expressionless mask as close to a carbon copy of Captain James' sternest look as he could manage as he looked them in the eye, one by one and they in turn looked away sheepishly. His words had made them uncomfortable, he was right, for a few minutes they'd lost sight of the reason for being there.

"Bloody obvious none of yous lot have ever met my mum's family up north" Fingers sniggered, never one to stay subdued for long "Love a good funeral that lot, bit of shouting the odds and finger jabbing and a lot of well-earned slaps … all helps to settle scores"

"Lovely … explains a lot 'bout you dunnit?"

Molly grinned as she let out the breath she didn't know she'd been holding, glad that the focus had completely shifted away from her and that all that was left for her to worry about now was what to say to get out of her half-promise to stay overnight. She'd really rather go back on the minibus with the drunks and that was saying something, but it was going to feel wrong whatever she did. Smurf telling his mum stuff that was the way he wanted it to be, not how it actually was, meant he'd been lying to her and Molly felt bad about not putting her right.

"You okay, Molls?" Brains slung an arm round her. Somehow he'd managed to annex her from the group, something she wished he'd done one hell of a lot earlier to get her out of Finger's clutches "You are coming back on the bus aren't you, Dawsey? You know you got to, you're the medic so it's your job to save me from having to sit next to a drunk" He gave an exaggerated mock shudder.

"Nah it's not … wish I could … I mean, like to …but, bit bloody awkward innit? … it'll upset Smurf's mum, she thinks I'm stopping with 'er"

Her heart sank at the prospect of another evening of the two of them looking through seemingly endless piles of photos and albums and old letters and cards and all the bits and pieces her boys had made for her at school, something Molly was pretty sure her own mum and dad hadn't kept. The thought of it was enough to make her headache worse. It felt like play acting, and it wasn't that she didn't care or wasn't interested or anything like that, her heart was breaking for Candy, but it was just there were so many of the things and it was so hard to know what to say when Candy kept picking them up and bursting into tears.

"Don't do it then … tell her you're really dead sorry but you got to get back … I know … tell her … you can tell her Kinders says you got to, she doesn't know he's not in charge of you, does she? You haven't told her, have you?" Molly shook her head "Come on then, you already done your bit … and if you don't want to do it then bloody don't …"

"Been bad enough day for her already, don't wanna make it worse, do I?"

"I know … and I'm sorry I haven't done much to help …" He paused and took a deep breath "And I'm sorry about saying I believed all that bollocks Smurf was spouting about you and him, I know it must have made things hard"

"What? You bloody knew? How come when no-one else seems to… how?"

"Don't know Moll, but I'm right, aren't I? You and old Smurfy … not at it, just mates, yeah?"

"Yeah … but don't say anything to the others will you … not now, not yet … you know what they're like and I gotta tell his mum first … just not today, eh?"

"Okay … so … you coming with me on the bus then, yeah?"

"Yeah … well, I mean, how can I refuse when you ask so nice"

-OG-

It had been a very long day and unlike the others Molly was wide awake and was feeling sorry for herself all over again, her head was banging while all her new found confidence in, well in her and Charles, had slowly started drifting away. She was back to worrying it was just a great big bucketload of wishful thinking on her part. The journey seemed to be taking forever, they'd been crawling up the M4 in nose to tail traffic for about a year and she'd been running an action replay of the churchyard in a loop in her head. She'd actually spent so long overthinking it she could no longer swear that what she'd thought then was what was real.

None of it would have mattered quite so much except it was going to be too bloody late to do what she'd planned before she had to report back for deployment. Now she was going to be bloody lucky if she had time for a cuppa with her mum when she'd had this vague plan of staying over to spend time with her, and give her a hug before going back to Afghan because if the day had shown her anything, it was that you never knew what was round the corner, did you? And okay, maybe nothing had really changed, if she'd stuck with the plan and stopped in Newport, it would have been exactly the same, but she hadn't, had she? And now it was all going to shit. At the rate they were going, stopping and starting and only moving a few feet at a time, when she did finally get back to barracks it was going to be far too bloody late to talk to Charles. And she'd been so looking forward to it. Now he'd be asleep and she couldn't ring him at that time and wake him up and he was going to think she'd done it again, he was bound to think she'd made promises and broken them. Okay she could text him, or maybe voice mail, could even talk to him in the morning, it wasn't like she didn't know all that, but it wasn't the same. The sense of excited anticipation that had kept her going was fast turning into a massive feeling of disappointment.

Her phone was vibrating so she fished it out of her bag intending to just take a look and see who was texting her, more because she was bored shitless than because she was expecting it to be anyone or anything other than some call centre wanting to sell her something she didn't want. A cure for a limp dick or a penis extension or something. But then a quick glance at the screen and her whole body was flooded with dopamine or whatever it's called. Bit stupid really, that just a couple of little words on a screen could wipe away all her boredom in such an unbelievable wave of happiness, could make everything right in her world.

Hey you - O.K? x

Suddenly she was grinning and hugging the phone as if he was there in front of her or at least could see her.

Better now - you? leg better? x

She added a kiss telling herself it was only polite, it was text etiquette when someone sent you one, wasn't it? And he had, hadn't he?

Where r you? x

Good question - M4-minibus with drunks – traffic shit so going to be v late – leg? x

CALL ME soon as x

O.K answer pls – leg? xx

It was on impulse that she added the second kiss, up till that point none of it had been what you could call flirty although she'd told him she was better for hearing from him, not that he'd said anything and was ignoring her question about his leg. She'd been planning on being the most mature version of herself she could be when she spoke to him, sensible and calm like the grown up he thought she was. But that had all vanished, nothing could stop the huge happy grin that had spread itself across her face as she watched the dots dancing on the screen to show he was replying.

Stop being medic + don't nag … or run off with a drunk xx

Why not? Btw am a medic- leg? Xxx

You know why not – pulling rank - I win xxxx

You wish xxxx Stop being Rupert- think you might have overdone it today – too much? xx

Who you calling Rupert? Show some respect Doris xxxx

Doris who? Don't know her – answer question Rupert - leg? xxxx

Doris is awesome - perfect – bit like me really xxxxx

You wish lol I give up and don't know Doris xxxxx

Will remind you …xx

You being sleaze? Xx

Yup and o k you win – for now – don't forget RING me xx

Won't forget - might be late x

No matter x

O K – having last word xxx

So I see - take care xxx

Last word? Xxxx

Xxxx

OG-

"Who was that?"

Molly was still giggling and smiling all over her face as she looked at her screen, imagining him laughing as he sent silly messages. And then looked up to see Brains had woken and was watching her thumbs moving, there was a sleepy knowing smile on his face.

"Dunno what you mean?"

"Yes you do … you're looking all … sparkly … so just wondering who that was" He indicated the phone that was still in her hand, she'd been waiting to see if Charles had anything to add before putting it back in her bag.

"No-one … no-one in particular … just … it was … just a friend"

"Right … nice try Dawsey … not good enough though, have another go"

"Don't you bloody start, had enough of that for one day, it was just a friend, that's what I said and that's what I meant … okay?"

"Oops was that a nerve I touched there?"

"Nah …" Molly took a deep breath and did her best to laugh, no need to advertise that it was a touchy subject was there? "Just wondering why everyone wants to know what I'm doing all the bloody time … who I'm talking to and what about, it's not their business to always be in mine … sorry I know you meant well …"

Molly rolled her eyes, suddenly worried she was doing that protesting too much thing, Brains was far from stupid, he was bound to smell a rat any second.

"You know it's because we all love you and just want you to be happy … and …" He leered and batted his eyelashes, then laughed.

"And? …"

"And we don't want you being lonely … bit worried you will be without us and then what with Smurf …"

"You lot been talking 'bout me?"

"No … well, yeah alright we have … but only because you're one of us … and probably because none of the rest of us have got a sex life …"

"Well, that should tell you all some'ing, shouldn't it? And nah, I'm not lonely, okay?

"Okay" He raised his eyebrows, still far from convinced "And go on, rub it in why don't you?"

"Sorry"

"No, you're not …"

"Nah I'm not, am I?"

He was smiling as they both pretended it was a joke but it was a tentative smile showing he wasn't sure of her reaction, and he was right not to be, she wasn't sure either. She knew she was overreacting a bit, and that it was sweet of them, that they obviously cared about her but it was bloody inconvenient having such a huge crush on someone who was out of bounds, someone she couldn't say anything about. But that wasn't Brains' fault, was it? And lots of people have crushes, it was one of those things that happen, it was just that dealing with it might be easy enough in her head, but would be a whole lot easier if she didn't keep thinking other people could see it written all over her in letters 10 foot high whenever she said his name.

It didn't take long for reality to creep back in and for her new found happy mood to slowly drain away again as she looked out the window at nothing very much, no matter which way she looked at it being in any sort of relationship with Charles was going to be a sodding miracle. It was bleeding fairy tale stuff, wasn't it? And even if girls like her got lucky enough to sleep with him, they didn't get the prince, well they didn't have the right shoes for a start, did they? Or the right accent or been to the right school, or actually the right any bloody thing. As her dad used to say when she was growing up, to posh people like him she was a bit of rough.

-OG-

Molly had been so full of excited anticipation that she didn't understand why, when she finally did get in her room, she kept putting off calling him. Instead of rushing to ring, she was fiddling about and generally farting around, making herself a cuppa and washing away the day and getting rid of the slap on her gob, and making a point of hanging her dress uniform up properly. She'd taken the pins out of her hair where they were pinching her scalp and had then finger plaited it like she was a kid, and only then had she got in her bed, and taken a deep breath and pulled up his contact on her phone

"Hey … hello you … Christ that was a long journey, are you alright?"

"Yeah …" She didn't tell him she'd been home nearly an hour "Bit tired …'n bit sad I s'pose but I'm okay, better now I'm back"

"Do you want to put your head down and get some sleep, talk in the morning?"

"Nah … well, not unless it's what you want … did I wake you?"

"Nope … and of course it's not what I want" He paused "What's the matter then? Come on, tell me …"

"Nothin' … it's just … just glad it's all over I s'pose and 'ope I 'aven't upset Candy not stopping there tonight … I mean I know it was what she wanted 'n I know I said I would, but she said it was okay, it was just … I wanted to get 'ome … "

"Of course you did …and I'm sure she understood"

"Are you? I'm not"

"Hey … I'll call you back … I want to see you while I talk to you"

Oh fuck, she hadn't even thought of that as being a possibility. She wasn't exactly looking sexy, was she? Much as she wanted to see him, to see his face, even if it was only on a video call, she knew she looked rough as a badger's arse, hadn't got a scrap of bloody make up on, not to mention her hair like she was about 12, and none of it was a bit like she wanted him to remember her when he thought about her. Which she suddenly knew was going to happen.

"I prob'ly look a bit rough… well actually not much prob'ly 'bout it… warning you, give you bad dreams"

"You could never give me bad dreams or look rough … and don't forget I saw you every day for months … there's nothing I haven't already seen and you always look beautiful"

"Do I … nah I don't … you're being biased … and you hadn't seen me when I'd spent bloody hours on a minibus with the drunken cream of the British army … " She giggled as she disconnected and there was a short pause before his laughing face popped up on her screen "Nice hairdo Dawsey, suits you"

"Shut up … " o Suddenly she was giggling as she involuntarily put a hand up and smoothed her hair back as she looked at him, at his laughing face and his messy hair and wondered why she'd ever had any doubts about him. He was gorgeous and was smiling at her in a way that made her tummy flip.

"What's this cream of the British army about?"

"It's what Kinders called them at the 'otel"

"Oh fuck … do I want to know?"

"Nah … prob'ly not …" She giggled as she shook her head, her headache was disappearing faster than snow in the sun, his slightly lop-sided smile and the way he was dragging his teeth over his bottom lip was doing all sorts to her ability to breathe properly, something she'd always been able to do before. She'd have given anything right that at that moment to be with him, to be cuddled up to him, maybe kissing across that little group of freckles on his shoulder "They're alright actually … the lads … Brains told me they was worried 'bout me, which is nice … they think I might be lonely what with Smurf and me moving away from them … with everything …"

"And are you?"

"What … lonely?" She chewed at her bottom lip and pondered what to say to him, she wanted to say she was never lonely when he was anywhere near, when she was talking to him, looking at him, only when he was somewhere else entirely. But was very conscious of not wanting to sound like a total muppet "Nah don't think so, s'pose I hadn't really thought … why, are you?"

"Yup … sometimes …"

That wasn't at all what she'd been expecting. The thought of him being lonely made something crack and shift in her heart. All the months she'd known him she'd never once thought anything like that, he'd always seemed so together somehow, as if he didn't need anyone else. Now she was scratching around for something to say that wouldn't sound bloody ridiculous, or would have earned her a Captain James stern scowl just a few short weeks back.

"Stop looking at me like that"

"Like what? Not looking at you like anything"

"Yep … you are … you're looking at me with that sad look on your face and those great big sad eyes … you're making me sorry I didn't lie"

Molly had the phone lying next to her face and had turned on her side to watch him, and now waved a hand over her face.

"Sorry it's only one I got … can't 'elp it if it looks sad … just wish you were 'ere so I could hug you"

She was wishing more than anything that she was lying next to him for real, she desperately wanted to give him a cuddle. Although she wondered if he'd ever bothered looking in a bloody mirror, he'd never need to be lonely for female company looking the way he did.

"Ditto …" It was obvious he'd moved his phone so that they were lying looking at one another, both in bed, even if they were different ones "You need to make sure you come back to me"

"I will … I promise … don't worry"

"Make sure you do" Even though it was late and pitch dark, it felt to Molly as if the sun had come out in her room when he smiled at her "You know Molly, everything, my whole life up till now feels as if it's been about finding you …"