Proximity to Elation
The blood waters abraded the edges of bone white sand. Without a cloud to conceal the heavens, the infinite summer sun ensured the bleached nature of the grains.
As the sun exerted the opposite effect on the boy's skin, he wondered why he forgot an umbrella. The intensity stung his eyes even though they were closed. His face was taught at the pressure of photons penetrating his poor lids. He wanted to cover his face with his arm, but he also didn't want to have a ridiculous looking tan-line.
It would only be another five minutes until he flipped over and rested his ailing eyes, anyway. He could manage this if he's been through so much worse, right? At least the sun's warmth felt gentle because of the slight breeze whisking away the harsher sensations of heat.
Reprieve came to his eyes early as a shadow shielded him from the ultraviolet. He sighed contentedly, relaxed his face, and relished in the relief for a moment before he remembered the lack of clouds. He swiftly unveiled his sensitive eyes at the realisation. He craned his head down to observe the affecting shade.
Standing before him was a human figure with hands on its hips. Any potentially distinguishing features were obscured by the corona. It was shortly thereafter joined by two more figures. All female, he figured, unless men suddenly started to possess wide hips. Familiar, too.
"Hey, we're hungry. Where'd you put the bentos?"
Ah, they are just the people I came here with, he thought. He pointed at the requisite bag to his right as he sat up. The women went to retrieve their meals as he looked around the beach.
While many of the people currently occupying the beach were unknown, the beach itself was not unfamiliar to him. Many of the uglier features have been removed long ago but the water stayed the same colour. His thoughts drifted back to the first time he had been here. It wasn't exactly a pleasant experience, though he doesn't regret the events whatsoever. He rather enjoys the current status of his life. Changing anything that happened would provide the opportunity of a worse outcome, and he wasn't one to play with dice. As he found his gaze lingering on his companions, he found himself grateful for the way his life was turning out. He had a place where he felt he belonged, and he was even starting to have long term plans where previously he only cared to see the next day. It has certainly been a long, strange-
"What'cha lookin' at?" a feminine voice interrupted his thought. He was caught staring vacantly at a shade of red different from the water.
He blushed and told her nothing as he looked down at his feet. He didn't catch the girl's smile. Why was he like this still? Perhaps he was simply caught off guard. Old habits die hard.
The girl, on the other hand, shook her head. 'Some things never change,' she thought to herself. It wasn't enough to rid her of her smirk. He was an idiot, but that was part of his charm. He was a good idiot.
"So, are you ready to go?" the voice piped up again.
"Huh? Oh, yeah, I guess so," he started as he looked over to her. "Though, I haven't eaten yet..." he finished weakly.
The girl frowned. "Are you really going to stall until the sun goes down? You were the one who wanted to come here and learn."
"I know. I know. I'm just scared, I guess," his eye contact faltered. The ever-present conflict in his mind raged on.
"Of course you are! But that's okay, you should do it anyway," she retorted while raising an eyebrow and smirking. "After all, you don't want to disappoint us, especially not Her now, do you?"
That got his attention. The last thing he wanted to do was to disappoint those he cared about. He had made so many mistakes already, this was an opportunity to add a success to his record, instead.
He closed his eyes and took a breath. Upon exhaling, his eyes settled into that steeled look that had always shown whenever he was finally certain about a choice.
"Right. Then I'm ready," he said.
"Oh no you're not, you haven't eaten all day! You should really eat your lunch first," she said.
"Food is energy, kiddo, now eat up!" added Misato.
He didn't have a response for that. His face fell right back into that bewildered boyish look he used to carry. He didn't enjoy being ordered around like a child, but he did agree in that he felt famished. While he quietly complied, a part of him was screaming internally because it knew this will give him time to simmer in his own thoughts instead of simply jumping into the fray, and he had thought about this too much already.
It wasn't long before he found himself standing at the edge of the surf, just out of reach of the lap of the highest waves. The ghastly smell from his first experience was gone, but it will be far longer before he forgets it. If he blinks just right, he can still see the silhouettes of monuments to all his sins. He can well remember everything about his greatest mistake, but hell if he'll allow it to define him any longer. He shook his head and began his fist clenching tic. He once faced eldritch seraphim-like beings that were only a voice-box and kinder motivation away from telling him "Be not afraid." Surely a little water won't be the thing to stop him… Right?
"You don't have to do this if you don't want to, it's okay" spoke the violet head on his left. From her came a hand which rested on his shoulder.
"But you really should," spoke the auburn head on his right.
He sighed. His mind, like the words from the women at his sides, was completely at odds with itself. One half was screaming to run for comfort; perhaps his SDAT would go great with sunbathing. But the part of his mind that's growing up was telling him to go through with what he wants. By chance, and by the newfound steel of his will, he decided to listen to the latter.
Eyes closed again; another breath taken. Once again, tempered steel blue was uncovered, and the boy marched towards the water.
The texture of the damp sand was different, harder. It didn't falter underfoot like when dry. The sudden cold sensation against his ankles made him twitch and was almost enough to make him regret his decision. Almost. His typical mantra ringing through his head kept him going: 'I mustn't run away.' He continued his advance slowly to allow his body to get used to the temperature.
He felt his accelerated heart rate as the larger waves started to grace his stomach. He had some practise swimming with her a while ago, but that was in a pool, unperturbed by cresting waves. He had to jump to stop some of the higher waves from wetting him earlier than he desired. He gave one last look to the women behind him before continuing. Both were beaming at him.
"Misato, Mana, thank you," he said.
As he went to turn back to continue his advance, a particularly large wave slapped him cold, nearly knocking him off his feet. He considered quitting right then, but the hilarity of it was realised when he saw the laughing faces of the women on the far shore. 'I'm already wet,' he thought to himself, 'oh well, least it'll be easier now that I'm already wet.' He continued again.
Before long, the water was threatening his ability to breathe through his nose, and he had to jump and try and swish with unpractised limbs to keep his head above some of the waves. He had come so far, there was no running now, literally no running, too. It's difficult to run with water up to your neck. He came upon that shade of red, different from the water. Locks of it were strewn about in the water before him.
"Asuka…" he said, barely audible.
The locks shifted as two sky blue eyes greeted him. Asuka eyed the boy and squinted as her mouth cracked into a wide smirk.
"Well, well, well, congratulations on making it, you Dolt! I was beginning to think you weren't coming."
Shinji felt abashed but spoke up anyway, "Thank you, I'm a man of my word. At least, I'm trying to be."
"Tsh. Trying is the right word," her smile faltered. She looked past him and gave a quick wave to the women on the shore. "So, are you ready for your advanced lesson, or is the puppy boy too tired?"
"I'm not tired. Not yet, at least," he gave his own smirk.
"You will be if you keep trying to tread water like that! It's easier to float in the salt water but still, here, you should move like this."
Shinji watched as Asuka moved her outstretched arms to her sides, swung them in front of her to where they almost touched, and then swung them back to their original position in a steady repeating pattern. He noticed how her hands were slanted to scoop the water and her legs were kicking in a whipping motion in time with her arms. He did his best to copy her to some success, though it would be some time before he was as good as her, of course.
He already knows the basics, she thought, so let's try something little more advanced.
"You already know how to do breaststroke, right?" she said. "You have to work harder to keep your head above the water out here but just watch and learn."
Shinji watched as Asuka piked her hands forwards before rotating them 180 degrees and propelling herself forwards with a swing of her arms and a kick of her legs. Her was nose barely submerged and made a tiny wake. As a wave approached, she quickly reset her stroke and this time swiped her arms downwards to lift her head out of the water as she crested the wave. She swam back to him and informed him it was his turn.
Shinji did his best to copy the motions he observed in Asuka. He was doing a decent job, but it was difficult to concentrate on moving such a sequence of limbs with such precision as she had. Unlike the smooth, practised form of Asuka, his head bobbed far more, and he wasn't doing a good job at timing his breaths. He wasn't quite yet drowning, at least.
Now came his turn to face one of the larger waves. He tried to emulate the motion of pushing his head up last second before cresting the wave, but he didn't gain enough height. The tip of the wave slapped him in the face. He gasped and, unfortunately, took on some water which made him cough uncontrollably. Asuka had to practically drag him back to a shallower area before he died.
He was still coughing.
"Coughing means you haven't died yet, so that's good," she said, checking him over.
There was silence between them as he took his time recovering. His breathing steadied and, finally, he spoke.
"What did I do wrong?"
"Simple. When you move your hands through the water, you have to cup them like so to, well, grab the water and move yourself with it. See?"
"I thought I did…"
"Maybe you thought you did. You probably freaked yourself out when the wave came, you scaredy cat. Panicking and going into survival mode will only mess you up."
He just blinked at her.
"You need to keep trying," she said, "you know that."
Silence reigned once more until Shinji nodded and then spoke, changing the subject.
"So I noticed you were out here the whole time; you didn't eat lunch with the rest of us…"
Asuka didn't respond right away. Instead she looked down, her stare distant, trying to collect her thoughts.
He continued, "Are you o-"
"I'm fine!" She glared at him for a moment before allowing her features to soften. "I just. Sometimes, randomly, I can still feel it. All of it. Being out here in the water makes for a welcome distraction. I'm fine. I will be fine. Can we talk about something else?" Talking was a good distraction, too, she thought.
"So long as you're okay," Shinji said, placing a hand on her shoulder. She gave a thin smile as he continued, "Where did you learn to swim so well anyway? Was it mandatory for you?"
Asuka shook her head, "No, I wanted to. I always liked swimming. As with everything, I had to be the best at it. So here we are."
"Ah, I see."
"So how come you never learned how to swim, hm?" she said, raising an eyebrow at him.
"That's uh," Shinji looked up, trying to recall. "I never spent a lot of time around water and, uh, no one ever told me to."
Asuka looked incredulous at this. He really had the same reason as the cello, she thought. He really did. Unbelievable.
"I should have known," she groaned and rolled her eyes.
Shinji blinked. I made myself look like an idiot again, he thought. At least she didn't call me an idiot this time.
"Humans weren't meant to float anyway!" he shot at her.
She just stared at him blankly.
"Um," he began, "I'm ready to go again if you are."
"Klar. Then let's go. And try to not die this time." She turned and began to move away from him.
He took a moment to thank god that she has gotten softer before he followed her.
They returned to a deeper part of the surf. She told him to try the breaststroke again. He asked her to demonstrate for him again. She did. It was time for Shinji to attempt again. He knew why he failed last time. He had all the mechanics down; he had simply panicked at the last second. He did his best to focus his thoughts on the task at hand and keep calm. As the wave approached, he made a short mental plan on how he wanted to face it. The wave approached him, and he took his last breath before he crested the wave. Slightly more practised limbs propelled through the water, and while he didn't quite keep his head fully above water since he had to close his eyes, he can feel that he made it. Wiping the water out of his eyes, he opened them to find that redhead. She was smiling at him. His heart fluttered a bit and he felt abashed as he made his way back to her.
She paused her treading for a second to give him a short clap. "Bravo," she simply said. "Not ideal, but it's something. Time for freestyle. You ready?"
"Yes."
Shinji watched her demonstration. Instead of the breaststroke whose movements were mirrored and coordinated by both sides of the body, the freestyle or front crawl stroke alternated arms while the legs constantly fluttered. Part of him was distracted by the beauty and grace before him. He had to fight that to maintain focus on his task. He observed how her smooth arms didn't swing wide out of the water but were instead bent at the elbow to allow them to return for another stroke faster. And she didn't slap the water, either, but rather slid them in gently, fingers first. The arm continued reaching until the other finished its stroke. He counted three strokes between each breath for her; her head came out of the water just enough for her mouth to take in much needed air but without the side of salty water. Her lips were also shaped to that end. As a large wave approached, he noticed this time she didn't bother going over the top but instead dove straight into it, emerging from the other side shortly after. She returned to him with a smile.
"Alright, show me what you got," she said.
He nodded and began to swim. His focus was resolute, and unlike the breaststroke, the front crawl came more naturally. Was it because he was simply better at it? Was it from residual effects of the sync training? Was he simply more practised and confident now? Either way, he felt good. His mimicking of her earlier movements felt smooth. He did forget to consistently flutter his legs, though. A wave came again. He was not as comfortable going underwater, but he decided to try anyway. He took a breath and felt the cool sensation of water rush over his head as he dove into the wave. He felt the tide relax as he emerged from the other side, filling his lungs with precious air once more.
Once more he returned to her. Another gracious commendation greeted him. She was proud of him and even he could tell. He was appreciative of her and even she could tell. If they could communicate telepathically, they would've known how much the other was enjoying themselves. As it stands, they knew enough.
Before the pair realised it, a pair of hours had passed. Though she didn't know exactly, Asuka noticed how Shinji was reluctant to admit that he wanted to return and potentially disappoint her. When had she began to notice things like this in him? She didn't hate it; she just didn't think she'd ever care enough about anyone.
"C'mon Shinji. I think I've tortured you enough for today." She grabbed him by the wrist and began to pull him inland. She didn't see his blush.
She had all but dragged him to shore, making sure he arrived without collecting more undue seawater in his lungs. The pair proceeded to return to the rest of their group.
They were greeted by some mischievous looking smiles, to their mutual, unspoken dismay. Asuka spoke first.
"What."
Asuka scanned the eyes of the people before her, wondering what the hell these people think they are looking at. Misato caught eye contact with her and Asuka watched as her brown eyes descended to a point around waist level. She followed it to her right hand, which was currently clasped around Shinji's left. At some point, while pulling him from the ocean, her hand moved from his wrist to his hand and never let go. Half of Asuka's mind was enamoured with the contact, as evidenced by her hanging onto it so long. The other half was stuck in old ways and that's the side that acted first. Asuka ripped her hand away from the hold and folded her arms with a humph as she turned away. That action couldn't hide the fact that her face was approaching the colour of her hair.
The group directed laughs abound at her predicament. They found great entertainment in the fact that she was still, after all this time, trying to conceal how she truly felt. Everyone's hearts had been torn open for everyone else to see. Sure, some time had passed since then and things may have changed, but none of Asuka's acquaintances got that impression.
Shinji, this whole time, was stunned cold stone. He was prepared for all manner of situations to occur, but he didn't expect it to go exactly like this. Still, while he didn't know exactly how to react, he did appreciate the situation he found himself in. He didn't realise the stupid smile he was wearing on his face. It still shone under the hue of his cheeks even after Asuka ripped her comfortable feeling hand away from his. His hand was already feeling colder, but he appreciated that the fleeting sensation ever existed in the first place.
He was staring at his hand when his attention returned to the conversation.
"You need to stay out of my business," came Asuka's voice.
"We're not in your business, Asuka, calm down," said Misato.
Everyone knows that the fastest way to get a woman to calm down is to command her to do so.
"Just because you saw the inside of my heart doesn't mean that you can assume all sorts of crazy things about me!" She was beginning to draw attention from passers-by with her volume.
"Everyone with eyes could have seen what we just saw. How much of an assumption is it, really?"
"That's not the point. I don't need your judgement!"
"Oh come on, we're not judging you! We think it's cute if anything."
"Asuka, please, we'll let it go," Mana spoke up while approaching Asuka, "it's really okay. Really. You can relax."
Asuka's arms were crossed with a grip comparable to an anaconda. Her face was flushed, nose crinkled, and eyes clamped shut. Her breathing was deep, sharp, and measured as she attempted to calm herself. She felt a hand caress her upper arm. Her eyes snapped open and her head whipped in search of the offending sensation only to find Shinji's hand with a light grip on her arm. When her blue eyes met his, he simply smiled. With one more final exhale, her features began to soften. She realised how foolish she had acted. She looked around and saw people who had been staring at her begin to divert their looks and return to their business. The show was over. She looked back at the boy smiling gently next to her. 'Old habits really do die hard, huh?' she thought to herself as she wiggled out of his grip to take a seat among the group. 'Do I really care bout the thoughts of others when I can just enjoy what I have?' As the boy sat wordless beside her, she recognised the familiar swell of nervous, tentative emotions. 'I hope this is the right choice.'
Shinji felt similar. His mind was often wracked with uncertainty even after gaining that intimate knowledge of the hearts of humanity. That glimpse still gave him enough confidence to continue to try connecting with others amid failures. His mother told him that paradise can be found anywhere so long as he is willing to live. He interpreted 'will to live' as also being willing to put forth the effort to live, not simply exist and let life pass him by, for once. He was caught staring at Asuka once more, but she simply gave him a quick smile before looking away. That was plenty for him.
The rest of the afternoon went by without event. The crew had all returned to their respective homes. Misato, Shinji, and Asuka had finished depositing their shoes in the entryway. Asuka was the first in the house. She paused in the living room and looked back at her two fellow house occupants for a moment before stepping out onto the veranda.
Shinji saw her do so. His body was complaining for multiple reasons and effectively demanded to go to his room, but he knew what the better choice to make was. He stepped quietly out to the veranda. He saw red waves dancing in the breeze. Past the waves, the sun was imminently touching the horizon. The corona of the setting sun outlined the figure in front of him. He advanced and rested his arms on the railing near the figure, about 5 feet to its right because he's not a creep. A few minutes passed before the sun met the horizon. Asuka broke the silence first.
"I don't bite, you know. At least, not often. Usually. Actually, maybe you were right to keep your distance." She didn't turn towards him, but he could see her eye cocked in his direction and a smirk on her lips.
Shinji laughed before committing to the opposite of Asuka's advice. He was getting better at interpreting Asuka-ese.
"Quite the beautiful sunset, don't you think?" he glanced towards her. "Looks even better when I look in this direction."
"Oh shut up," she retorted without hesitation and punched him in the arm, "you better have something better than that to talk about."
"I do, I do!" he raised his hands in defence for a moment before returning them to the railing, "I was just thinking, we human beings have much that we share. We all just want to get along and live our lives, it's just the way we go about living that's different. We're all capable of both extremes of confidence and insecurity, kindness and indifference, assertiveness and passivity, intelligence and stupidity, sadness, hatred, but also happiness and…" he hesitated on the last word.
"Love," she finished for him. "That is the most awful most meandering confession I've ever heard in my entire life," she said as she looked incredulously at him.
"It wasn't meant to be a-. Wait. How many confessions have you heard?"
"An entire locker full."
"Wow. And after all those, mine was the worst?"
"Yup."
"But did it work?"
Asuka stared at the sunset for a moment before squaring up to Shinji, prompting him to partially mirror her. She stared into his eyes, seeming to bore into his soul before she reached out, tugged him in by the neck, and met his lips lightly. He twitched in surprise. Though, unlike the prior disaster and despite the initial shock, the ability to breathe freely emboldened him; he wrapped his arms lightly around her back. Some habits eventually do die. He pulled away from her for a moment.
"Good to know," he said.
She didn't respond. Instead she just pulled him in again. The teens melted into one another, neither realising just how much they yearned for this moment. They knew everything wouldn't be magically resolved by this, but it was a start, a chance, and that was all they needed. For now, this moment was to be enjoyed.
Before long, they disconnected. Cerulean and Aegean orbs were locked. The couple shifted to a more comfortable embrace to enjoy watching the remaining rays of sunlight disappear behind the mountains.
The teens returned to their respective rooms. One stopped before entering theirs.
"Hey."
"Yeah?"
"Happy birthday."
The door was shut before thanks could be given.
A/N: Thanks for reading. This is my first 'serious' fic (a term I use loosely), a one shot 5,000 words, written for the AsuShin Discord summer contest. Let me know what you liked and didn't like and any questions you may have because I left this vague on purpose. I own everything and nothing.