Disclaimers: I do not own CM or the characters. I do own all OCs.
Spoilers: none
Rating: T
Notes: Follow up chapter! Caleb's point of view, and his reaction to Sandy's apologies.
Enjoy! :)
"My beautiful boy, I cannot say anything other than I am sorry. I never, ever should have said those things, I never should have treated you the way I did."
"I will try, every day from now on, to make up for the last 12 years of your life. But, Caleb, I want you to know, to understand one thing, ok?"
Caleb nods silently, tears streaming down his face, but he doesn't care. He does not care at all because his mother says the words he has wanted to hear for 365 days.
"Lexie and Kevin's disappearance is not your fault, Caleb Jeremiah. And I hope you are able to know and understand that."
*Caleb's point of view*
I don't what to say.
My mom came downstairs and over to the table.
I thought she was going to yell at me. Scold me for making a mess by painting on Emma's face; tell me why can't you be more like your sister?
But she didn't.
Instead, she touched my face with her hands, and God, I didn't know if she could even be that gentle.
I almost cried right then and there!
But I didn't, because I did not want her to be mad. I'm 12 years old, after all, and 12-year-olds are not babies.
Mom started talking and… it was like my brain shorted out or something.
Because the first thing she said?
I love you, my Little Man.
Little Man.
That's what she used to call me.
Before Rosie and Gabe were born. Before I was too old for excuses on why I couldn't focus, or why I wasn't listening, or why I didn't do this or do that.
And that word.
The L word.
I love you.
She wasn't talking to Emma, or Eli, or Rosie, or Gabe, or Daddy. No, she was talking to me. She said I love you to me!
She then went on about she hasn't been a good mom, and how she was sorry and how she shouldn't have treated me the way she has been…
Especially in the last year.
And there it was. I just knew she was somehow going to turn this moment into blaming me, for Lexie and Kevin's disappearance, for the pain our families have been through, for how much my younger siblings and cousins and aunts and uncles have suffered.
So, I did something I haven't done in a long time.
Since I was eight, and it ended with me being slapped for only the second time ever (the first time was when I was 6).
I cut her off, I interrupted her, I decided to backtalk to her.
I told her how I know she thinks what happened 1 year ago was my fault, and I know she blames me for it, but it is not my fault. I was 11 years old, and I had too much going on. I was responsible for four kids under the age of five. I had my time, my attention, split too thinly.
I told her I was overwhelmed and it was not my fault, and you know what she said?
She said I know.
She knew! She agreed! She understood!
And then she apologized for everything she had said – blaming me, wishing I was the one taken, saying I should have payed attention better.
She said she was sorry and that she knew it was not my fault. Yes, I was overwhelmed. Yes, I probably should not have taken so many kids to the park by myself, but I had made a mistake, and she was sorry for not understanding that.
She said those words I had wanted to hear for 620 days.
Because while I know, while I can say it, I can think it, I still go to bed wondering if it was really my fault.
She said, "Lexie and Kevin's disappearance is not your fault, Caleb Jeremiah."
After she said those words, and after my brain finally caught up with what they meant, I jumped out of my seat and threw my arms around her neck.
I was crying like a fucking baby, but I don't care. All I know is, my mom doesn't think it is my fault.
"I love you, Mommy," I tell her. I say it over and over and over again. "I love you, Mama, I love you so much. Thank you. Thank you for saying it. I love you. I love you. I love you."
Mom hugs me back and whispers that she loves me, so much.
After that, Dad goes back to making lunch, and Rosie asks Mom to look at her picture she is painting.
We all go back to our arts and crafts.
I look over at my brother – my little brother. Gabriel.
He has his 'thinking' face on.
I know that he understood everything Mom said to me. How she apologized for how she has treated me, how she said she should not have done it. And how she said she will do better.
I hope that she will apology to Gabriel, too. I really hope that she will say she is sorry for calling him 'dumb', and that he should try harder in school. He tries so hard and just keeps failing, but also wants, so bad, to impress Mom – to make her proud of him.
So, I hope she apologizes for never believing him when he says he does try, and I hope she realizes how smart he is and what a wonderful son Gabriel is.
I know that it will make him so, so happy. He will smile big, so big, his dimples will show, and his eyes will sparkle.
I hope Mom understands that it is not only me who she has hurt. She has Gabey, and even Eli and Emma. And she called Jenny the 'r-word'.
But maybe this is the start of something new.
Maybe this can be the start of us as a happy family.
Maybe we can smile more, and yell less. Laugh often, and cry only once in a while.
Maybe…
Just maybe.
And there it is! Next will be the balloon release and a BIG revelation! Are you ready to find out who this mysterious blue-eyed little girl in Barcelona, Spain is for real?
As I said, this will be extended in Snapshots, so be on the lookout for those chapters. Also, once I have chapter 34 completed, I will have a consistent updating schedule.
Please review and let me know what you thought! :)