On the road of life I'm lost (and found)

A day off. A common thing before possibly a long-term solo mission, but Kakashi didn't know what to do with himself. He already checked his gear, double-checked the supplies in the apartment, and triple-checked that he left the money for Naruto in the usual place.

The Memorial stone, he should visit it today.

With his destination determined, Kakashi veered from mindlessly wandering around Konoha and headed towards the monument for the fallen. He was strolling through the park when a very familiar voice reached his ears.

"Ayame-neechan!"

In the blink of an eye, Kakashi was up in the tree, safely hidden by the foliage. He turned toward the direction from where the shout came from and moved closer just in time to witness Naruto running into an older girl and wrapping her into an exuberant hug.

Naruto's sunny grin and little crinkles at the corners of his eyes were pure Kushina, but the laughter sounded so much like Minato-sensei's, Kakashi felt like someone punched the breath out of him. The first time he heard the boy laughing or even smiling like this. The first time he saw him truly happy. A complete opposite of the quiet, cautious boy Kakashi had known until now.

"Hey, Naruto," the girl said with a smile, her fingers sifting through the child's yellow hair. "How was your day?"

Naruto pulled away and beamed up at her. "We learned how to access our chakra today!" he exclaimed. "Not everyone could do it right away, sensei said it takes time to learn, but I did it, 'ttebayo!"

"Oh, that's amazing! Good job, Naruto."

The boy visibly preened under the compliment.

That was amazing, indeed, Kakashi mused. To succeed on his first day, Naruto possessed an excellent chakra sense. Just like his father. However, with such a vast reserve, like his mother's, he would soon run into trouble controlling it. The teachers in the Ninja Academy weren't equipped to work with the Uzumaki Jinchuuriki. He needed additional guidance tailored just for him.

Don't get attached.

Kakashi shelved that observation to report to the Hokage later. Once he figured out an undisputed reason why he couldn't do it himself.

"—felt more like a river than a trickle like sensei said, but that's a chakra, right? Right, 'ttebayo?!"

"I don't know, Naruto, I'm not a ninja," the girl—Ayame, was it?—laughed. "How about asking your guardian? He's a ninja, he should know."

Naruto's expression faltered, grin drooping, and resigned into solemn acceptance. "Kakashi's busy. Tomorrow he's going on another mission and I don't want to bother him."

"Naruto—"

"It's alright!" the boy interrupted with a bit too much force for it to be entirely genuine. But then his face brightened again, a surge of awe and admiration restoring his previous toothy grin. "He's an awesome ninja! I want to be a cool ninja like him one day, 'ttebayo!"

Those innocent words made something warm glow inside of Kakashi, made his heart grow a little bigger in his chest.

Don't get attached. Don't let Naruto get attached.

His mantra doused him in ice-cold reality. This was bad. Kakashi's mind was the only part of him that protested anymore. His heart was selfish, his heart wanted to wrap Naruto into blankets and hide him from the cruelty of this world.

The boy continued to babble about his day, about lessons, his classmates, but Kakashi didn't linger to listen. He already heard too much. His plan to not get attached and not let Naruto get attached crumbled into irreparable pieces right before his eyes and Kakashi had no idea how to fix it. His mantra became his security a long time ago and he would hold onto the frying edges of that denial until the very end.

Ayame was the daughter of the Ramen Ichiraku's owner, he didn't disremember things. Kakashi stood outside of the said establishment and observed a father and a daughter duo puttering around the stall. The sun dipped closer to the horizon; soon it would be time to close up.

Alright, now that he verified his suspicion about the girl's identity, he should go—

"Oh, Kakashi-san! Long time no see!"

An exuberant greeting rooted Kakashi to his spot. It would be considered extremely rude if he just ignored the man and left, right? Teuchi knew him from the time when Kushina was still alive. The three of them were frequent patrons here: Minato joined by default and Kakashi was coerced into it by Kushina.

Setting his expression to something light and untroubled, the jounin turned around with a lazy wave. "Yo."

Teuchi beamed. "Here for some ramen?"

"Yeah," Kakashi replied, sitting down at the counter. "Miso ramen, please."

"Coming right up!" the man declared, swiftly sweeping across the little cooking area. "I must say, I'm so happy that you took Naruto in."

Kakashi winced. He couldn't avoid this topic now that he was here, no matter how much he wanted to. At the corner of his eye, he saw Ayame giving him a withering look.

"That place wasn't good for him," Teuchi chatted as he worked. "I even filed a complaint to the Hokage. Went to him directly too. And soon after Naruto came running here with great news!" he finished with a joyful exclamation and a pleased grin.

Ah, so this man was the one who spurred the Sandaime to act. Kakashi didn't know if he should thank him or curse him.

Oblivious to his customer's inner misgivings, the ramen chef continued, "Naruto's been really happy lately. Thank you for taking him in, Kakashi-san." His eyes softened and his voice grew a bit more solemn as he voiced the next sentence, "Your sensei would be proud," with so many unsaid things, but not unheard to those in the know.

It made Kakashi deeply uncomfortable. Because Minato-sensei would be proud, wouldn't he? He was just that kind of person. Despite Kakashi deserving condemnation rather than any praise.

"Do you even care about Naruto?"

Kakashi almost flinched. The question sounded so damning.

"Ayame!" Teuchi scolded.

"What, Dad?" the girl shot back. "Naruto is trying so hard. He even asked us to teach how to cook and he," she glared at Kakashi, "can't spare a few minutes of his time to ask him about his day?"

"That's enough, Ayame," Teuchi snapped. "You're talking about things you don't understand."

Ayame scoffed and went back to dishwashing.

"I'm so sorry, Kakashi-san," the man apologized, turning to face the ninja. "She's still young and—"

The seat was empty.

Mission was a disaster. In the end, he succeeded, of course. The dossier of Sharingan no Kakashi remained spotless. But irrelevant thoughts distracted Kakashi from the things at hand. He overlooked the significant details, made mistakes.

Got injured.

In fact, the injury turned out to be much worse than it appeared at first. Kakashi pressed at the stab wound on his side, feeling the warm liquid trailing through his fingers and down his leg. Did he pull stitches when he jumped through the window? Maybe he should have gone to the hospital as the Hokage suggested after the mission report.

Did he even want to go to the hospital?

No, he didn't. Kakashi felt numb. Desensitized. Dead inside, as if all emotions and feelings had been sucked into a void. All he wished right now was to crawl into his room and just let go.

The night was quiet. The village soaked in black ink with not a single soul wandered around at this hour, streets completely deserted. The air carried velvety closeness with enough chilliness in it to nip at the naked skin.

Kakashi shivered as he stopped in front of his apartment building. Looked up at the window on the third floor. There was no way he would make it in his condition. With a grunt, he started a painstaking journey up the stairs. He might be a worthless piece of shit, but even he wanted to preserve what little pride he still possessed, so dying on the street like a stray mutt was out of the question.

He took a short pause at the top, panting as he tried to catch his breath. The hand kept pressing over the wound, but didn't seem to help to staunch the blood anymore. A moment later, he staggered towards his apartment.

The door was locked. He didn't have a key with him.

Kakashi's lifeless hand slid down from the door handle as he realized his blunder. His throat itched and he coughed, tasting bitter iron on his tongue.

Ah, this was not good. Not good at all. He didn't want to die outside his own door.

The sky shared his mood. First drops of rain pattered on the rooftops, fell like tears to mourn his failures and the line of tombstones that followed behind him. His ears rang. This was it, he thought, finally his time had come. He couldn't wait to see everyone again. Their faces, not just their names in golden letters he had read so many times that he could see them every time he closed his eyes.

Would they even want to see him?

Maybe he should have gone for the Memorial Stone instead, lay his head to rest there.

A click of lock alerted Kakashi, but he was too slow to shift his weight from where he was unconsciously leaning his forehead against the door before it opened. He stumbled inside, a blur of yellow darting out of his way with a small gasp. Kakashi caught himself, somehow, mismatched eyes flicking down to meet those painfully familiar blue ones, wide and fearful now.

Naruto. In his pajamas and the dog plushy pressed against his chest. A ray of sunshine that deserved so much better than him.

Kakashi looked away. "Sorry for waking you up," he uttered. Then, added, "It's fine," trying to land somewhere in the realm of reassuring. His trembling hand patted the boy's head, "Go back to sleep," but didn't linger as he forced his exhausted body to move again.

Through blurry vision and supported by a wall, Kakashi managed to drag himself to his room. And there, in a sanctuary of darkness, a place to rest without consequence, his body finally gave out. He collapsed into a bloody and tired heap next to his bed, leaning against it with a deep sigh. The Anbu mask clattered somewhere on the wooden floor.

It was still raining, raindrops creating a rhythmic melody as they pelted against the window. A constant hiss enveloped Kakashi like white noise within a grey and broken world. It kept spinning, mundane and constant, even though all Kakashi wanted was peace. Peace from his thoughts, his failures, this festering guilt, his overall life—peace from his worthless self.

The room was dim, but the shapes and silhouettes were already more discernible than they were only a short while ago. Any moment the sun would kiss the sky orange, igniting a new dawn. Kakashi didn't want to see it. He hoped he wouldn't have to see it anymore.

Quiet shuffling reached his ears. His head flopped against the bed frame to the direction of the door that he vaguely remembered leaving open.

Feeling the man's eyes on him, a small shadow paused. Just for a moment though, because on the next, he moved forward, cautious but with purpose. Naruto stopped again several steps away, fiddling with something in his hands. "I b-brought you a towel," he stammered out as he offered the said item. "You have to press on the wound to stop the bleeding. That's what medics say." When only silence met his statement, the boy's courage also seemed to falter. "When Eiji hurt Saki, she was bleeding and I didn't know what to do, I couldn't help her, and that's why she died. So, I…" The boy trailed off, but then took a breath and blurted out all at once, "So, I wanted to learn what to do, went to the hospital a few times and listened to what medics were talking about."

And this was the child who was branded as violent and uncontrollable? Kakashi wanted to laugh, but there was a lump in his throat all of a sudden. Naruto was too benevolent. Too pure. Too innocent for this world. Too kind, especially for someone like him. Kakashi deserved none of it. Naruto should hate him. He should run as far as he could before it was too late. Before Kakashi tainted the last thing that brought light to his life.

"Just leave me be, Naruto," he said, hiding the far more complicated and conflicting emotions under the gentle order. He expected Naruto to obey, to turn around and leave him here to stew in his guilt and self-loathing until his last breath. The boy always followed his words without any complaint or objection.

Not this time.

Naruto lowered his arm with the towel, but remained where he was. "But I—" His voice cracked. The rain outside drowned the brief lull in the conversation. Abruptly, the boy threw himself forward, dropping to his knees right next to Kakashi's side. "But I don't want you to die, 'ttebayo! You can't die! Please, don't die!" A desperate cry spilled out in a panicked rush as his unsure hands pressed the towel to the man's injured side.

Kakashi's breath hitched. It was light enough in the room now that he could clearly see Naruto's face. The fear, sorrow, despair. A streak of red on his yellow hair from where he patted him previously. Blue eyes glossy with tears.

Ah, he made Naruto cry. He was such a failure. He couldn't do anything right. Couldn't even die without making Naruto cry.

"Why?" Kakashi croaked out. "You'd be better without me."

All at once, Naruto's face buckled, his breathing stopped momentarily and tears streamed. "W-What are you saying, 'ttebayo?!" he shouted at Kakashi. The latter couldn't help but marvel at the fact. "I was all alone and then you came! You were scary and you still are, but you're a ninja, and ninjas are supposed to be big and scary! That's why I want to be a cool ninja like you, 'ttebayo! I want to be big and scary, so no one could hurt me! B-but, but you never did, you gave me a warm bath and a room with a window and food! So much food that I can't even eat all of it. And—and—" He hiccupped when a sob clawed its way up his throat. "Please, don't die… I don't wanna go back to that place. I don't wanna—don't wanna be alone again… I want you to live, 'ttebayo!"

It hurt. Not the stab wound, still bleeding despite Naruto's frantic attempt to stop it, but inside. The pain was so overwhelming that Kakashi couldn't even feel the physical pain anymore. It was nowhere near the amount of agony that tore his heart and soul apart.

Kakashi made a choked, pained sound that he didn't recognize from his own vocal cords. He let his body lean forward until his forehead touched Naruto's knees. In the murky dimness of predawn that stole their true forms, in a place that felt out of time, Kakashi bowed. It was awkward and uncomfortable, but that was all he could do. All he wanted to do.

"I'm sorry," Kakashi whispered. It cracked, emerged barely recognizable as coherent words through the salty taste clinging to his lips. "I'm sorry." And it was an apology, a prayer, a desperate plea. All of it and more. "I'm so sorry." He didn't even know what he was apologizing for or to whom, only knowledge that he needed to atone persisted. "I'm sorry." Perhaps it was an apology to Obito for being the worst kind of teammate. "I'm sorry." To Rin for failing to keep her safe. "I'm sorry." To Kushina for letting her down. "I'm so sorry." To Minato-sensei for not living up to his expectations.

To Naruto for being such a coward, "I'm so, so sorry…"

Kakashi felt dirty from the inside out. Useless. Pathetic. Unworthy of forgiveness no matter how much he begged. Guilt, shame, and regret all tangled together and marred his soul like a stain of rot. It was cloying and terrifying, Kakashi could speak no more, not even to continue pleading for salvation.

A weight settled on his back, light and barely noticeable. If he hadn't felt so raw, like every layer of skin had been peeled off, he would have missed it. The weight moved around. A careful, measured action. The touch grew stronger and more confident as the seconds ticked by until Kakashi's muscles relaxed under those slow circles rubbed into his back and his mind started to ebb away into a blissful sleep.

I want you to live, 'ttebayo!

Was it okay? For him to live?

When the rain ceased and the first rays of sunset washed the sky in warm shades of orange, Kakashi breathed through all his suffocating guilt and grief. Slowly, gradually, at long last, he breathed.

Complete exhaustion wasn't enough to keep him from waking at the fingers pushing against his neck. Not even halfway to full awareness, Kakashi lashed out at someone looming over him, driven purely by his instincts.

His wrist was caught.

"Calm down, Senpai," a vaguely familiar voice said quietly. "It's just us, Tenzo and Itachi."

Kakashi blinked, then squinted at the blur in front of him. Bit by bit, the person's features swam into focus. "Tenzo..?" he croaked out, his voice breaking on the last syllable. His throat felt drier than sandpaper.

"Yes, it's me," the teen assured, releasing his hold on the man's hand. "You never showed up at the hospital, so Hokage-sama sent us to check on you," he explained.

Kakashi nodded, groggily looking around and trying to gather his bearings. He was lying on the floor, head resting on a pillow that he couldn't remember being there before. There was someone warm at his side and he looked down. Just Naruto curled next to him, clinging to his arm. Blood covered his clothes and smeared his whiskered face. Kakashi stared at him for a long moment, properly this time, without the unseen ghosts pulling constantly at his attention.

"I'm…" Tenzo spoke again, slow and quiet. Worried. "I'm surprised you're still alive, Senpai."

Kakashi snorted. He was surprised as well. Feeling like shit, with one foot in the grave, but alive nonetheless.

He carefully got an elbow under himself and pushed up. Tenzo's hand shot out to steady him by his shoulder when he sucked in a breath after pain flared through the wound. Itachi kneeled to free his other arm, so gentle and skillful in shifting the young Jinchuuriki that the latter didn't even twitch. Though, it seemed that Naruto was fast asleep, bonelessly unconscious in the way small children were when pushed beyond the limits of their endurance.

Kakashi reached out to stroke the boy's hair. As his thoughts sharpened, his memories weaved themselves into a startling conclusion—Naruto had saved his life. His eyes softened, heart hurting, but in a good way this time. A sense of gratitude washed over him like calm waves. Gratitude for the sunshine that persisted, didn't give up, and managed to pierce the never-ending darkness Kakashi had wrapped himself into.

"You need to go to the hospital. Right now," Tenzo stressed.

Kakashi sighed. His hohai's stern glare shot down any desire to say no, although he didn't plan to. He definitely required medical attention to survive. He couldn't die now, not after Naruto put so much effort into keeping him alive. Death would not be something he would actively search for anymore either, not when this amazing child needed him.

"Hey, Itachi," Kakashi called, glancing up at the young Uchiha. Itachi's little brother was of the same age, wasn't he? He probably had experience in this sort of situation. "Could you, please, clean Naruto up and put him to his bed?"

"Yes, of course," the boy agreed in an instant, already pushing his arms under Naruto to pick him up.

"Oh, and," Kakashi called out again. Itachi stopped in the doorway and turned to him. "Can you wait until he wakes up to tell him that I didn't die and will be back soon?"

The Uchiha nodded and soon disappeared into the hallway.

Tenzo shook his head as he maneuvered in a position to help Kakashi up. "Soon, Senpai?" he asked in a voice thick with sarcasm. "With your current condition, you'll be lucky if Chiaki lets you out in a week."

"No."

Kakashi plopped down into the bed with a groan. Chiaki Kaneko was just as much of a hard-ass as he remembered her to be. Whose bright idea was to make this stubborn woman the Head Medic of Anbu ward?

"I'm feeling fine." Kakashi wasn't sulking. Definitely not.

"We wouldn't have done our jobs well if you didn't," Chiaki deadpanned, not even glancing up from her clipboard, continuing to scribble notes down even as she spoke.

Damn. It had been two days. Kakashi wanted to get out of here. Two days felt too long after already being late for six years. Speaking of, he might as well try, "My kid is all alone at home."

"Sorry to break it to you, Hatake, but that excuse fell out of fashion five years ago," Chiaki retorted without batting an eyelash. "Not to mention, I know for a fact that your only girlfriend is that porn book you keep dragging around everywhere. So, unless you knocked some poor damsel up, your own hand is the only thing your junior is acquainted with."

Kakashi couldn't help the slight flush rising to his cheeks. This woman didn't sugarcoat her words, did she? Clearing his throat, he explained, "He's adopted."

The medic flipped the page, eyes skimming through the lines. "Right." And that was all. She didn't say anything else.

"It's Naruto Uzumaki."

That finally got a reaction out of her. The scribbling sound stopped and Chiaki peered at him over her glasses, gaze sharp and scrutinizing, judging how much bullshit was dished her way. She had been a close acquaintance of Kushina, even performing a few examinations during her pregnancy back when she still worked in the general ninja hospital. Naturally, she knew of Naruto.

Chiaki pulled off her glasses and pinched the bridge of her nose. "You're serious," she sighed finally. "I have to say, I didn't expect that from you." A corner of her lips quirked up into an amused little smirk. "Parenthood will do you only good. Just look at you, all caring and worried already."

Kakashi bristled, but kept his mouth shut, putting an effort not to appear like a petulant child. Chiaki had such an effect. Even on the most hardened ninjas.

The woman tapped the leg of her glasses against the clipboard, eyeing him wearily. "You almost bled to death, you know that, right?" She returned her patient's scowl with a cool gaze. "Can I assume that you know how to take care of your body after such an ordeal?"

Kakashi perked up. Could it be that this demon woman was thinking about letting him go? "Yes, I do," he answered dutifully.

Chiaki's amber eyes narrowed, a thoughtful 'hmm' slipping free. "Fine," she snapped, not looking pleased by her own decision in the slightest. "You're free to go."

Kakashi immediately jumped out of his bed.

"I expect to see you for a check-up after three days if nothing else happens. If you feel pain or it starts bleeding again or anything, you come here in an instant. Am I clear?"

"Yes, Ma'am!"

"No missions or training for at least two weeks. I will put this into my report to the Hokage."

Just a couple of days ago, these words would have filled Kakashi with dread—so many days without anything to occupy his mind. Now though, it brought him joy. He had hoped for some time off.

"And be more careful from now on, you have a kid who depends on you."

That was what he intended to do, even without anyone telling him to. He nodded, moving towards the exit.

"Through the door, Hatake."

Kakashi winced at her no-nonsense tone and made a sharp turn away from the window with an obedient, "Yes, Ma'am." Stiffly, he passed glowering Chiaki and skedaddled out of there before she changed her mind.

It was a beautiful day. The streets of Konoha were wet from the night's rain, but the sky above, an unbroken backdrop of blue with a handful of puffy clouds, promised no more. A tincture of freshness lingered in the air and the village was a hum of activity.

Breathing in the refreshing air and feeling its coolness on his face, Kakashi felt alive for the first time in six years. As if that night he wept his suffering and sorrow out. The pain processed, the ghosts gone, his mind calm and stable—he could see a new pathway in front of him. He knew what to do now. What he needed, wanted to do now, despite not being so sure of how.

Kakashi stood at the gates of the Ninja Academy before he could even realize where his legs were taking him. Not the one to complain, he leaped into one of the trees that lined the side of the building, quickly scanning the classrooms through the windows.

Here he was, sitting in the back row next to the window. Minato's coloring, Kushina's features. Kakashi understood now. Naruto Uzumaki was a precious gift for this world from those two amazing people.

While he observed, Naruto lifted his arm to either answer or ask a question. The teacher looked at him, his nose wrinkling in obvious disgust, before he barked something out. Something that made the little blond instantly snatch his hand back and lower his head while the other children laughed at his expense.

Naruto Uzumaki was a gift that not everyone seemed to appreciate.

Note to himself: visit the Academy and remind these ignorant morons whose kid they bullied so blatantly. Kakashi couldn't use the Yondaime's name, but his own name carried a lot of weight too. He felt no shame to use every bit of his moniker's infamy to prevent the possible sabotage of Naruto's education.

But not today. Kakashi turned to leave. It might take a while and today he had other plans.

He returned to his apartment. It had been cleaned, not a single spot of blood anywhere. Itachi's handiwork most likely. The young Uchiha was still a fairly new member of his team, but was turning to be a very reliable person. Kakashi would make sure to thank him later.

He started from the kitchen. Methodically going through all the cupboards and drawers, Kakashi checked all nooks and crannies, but didn't find what he was looking for. He moved to his room. It should be somewhere, he was certain of it. No way had he thrown it away, not when it was one of the very few things he had left of—

Aha!

So covered in years' worth of dust, he almost missed it. With a burst of vigor, Kakashi grabbed a journal he had been searching for from the top of his wardrobe and immediately ducked out of the room to avoid getting his face full of dust.

In the hallway he paused, brushing and blowing off the filth from the journal. This was Kushina's seal journal, the first one, from her genin and early chuunin days. She gave it to him soon after Rin's death as a way to keep his mind occupied. Studying seals was a long-term commitment, warranting all focus and concentration and not leaving time to think about other things.

Of course, it all fell apart after Kushina and Minato both died too.

Kakashi stared at the journal. He had never realized this before, but this was part of the Uzumaki clan's legacy. Kushina entrusted him with it, wanting nothing more but to ease his pain, even though he didn't belong to her clan. To be allowed to learn from it was the highest honor and a sign of unconditional trust.

A proof that not only Minato-sensei, but Kushina too considered him her family.

Kakashi's eyes burned. He was blind. So blind. They trusted him and he paid them back with betrayal—

No. Such things weren't what he should be thinking about right now. Or ever. Those dark thoughts already dragged him to the bottom once, just a couple of days ago, and he almost did something truly unforgivable. If he let himself fall in too deep again, he wouldn't have the strength to climb back out, even with help.

Besides, this journal wasn't what Kakashi was searching for. Not exactly. He was glad he found it, however, because now Naruto could get back something that rightfully belonged to him. Too young to receive it just yet, but a few years later would be perfect.

Kakashi leafed through the journal until a slip of paper peeked out from between its pages. He pulled it out with a relieved sigh. For a moment there, he dreaded that it got lost somewhere.

Kushina's recipe for her homemade ramen.

Kakashi never tried to make it alone before, but Kushina coerced him to help her on occasions. The recipe crumpled slightly under his fingers. How could he be this blind? Both Kushina and Minato put so much effort into keeping him out of his grief and despair, and yet he let it consume him in the end.

Kakashi took a calming breath, shaking the creeping doubts like he would shake the water from his hands.

Not anymore. He wouldn't let guilt eat him from inside any longer.

Skimming through the list of ingredients, Kakashi strolled out to buy them. He decided to stick with pre-made noodles from the grocery shop and cook only the broth.

How hard could it be?

Kakashi collapsed onto the chair, blankly staring at the ceiling. Aaah, he felt exhausted. Who would have known that cooking was this tiring? He certainly didn't. S-rank missions weren't this stressful.

The sound of an entrance door opening startled him. He jumped to his feet and walked into the hallway just in time to hear Naruto's usual, "I'm home," uttered under his breath as the boy took off his sandals.

"Welcome back," Kakashi rumbled softly. It was way overdue, but better later than never, right?

Naruto jolted as if electrocuted. The sandals dropped to the floor and his head snapped up so fast, eyes going wide and fearful in an instant.

It took Kakashi by surprise. Not the reaction he had expected. At all. What was happening? So shocked by the terrified expression on the little blond's face, he didn't know what to do and just kept staring down at him.

Naruto's lips moved, but no sound came. On the second try a barely audible, "I'm sorry," pushed through, but it only confused the man more.

"Sorry for what?"

"I b-broke the rules…"

That sentence alone felt like a slap to his face. Kakashi stared, uncomprehending. Something nagged at the back of his mind, something important, but for the life of him, he couldn't grasp it. "What rules?" he asked again.

"I entered your room," the boy whispered. As if saying it louder would make it worse. "And I was loud."

Oh. Kakashi remembered. He did say it was house rules, but—

"Please, don't send me back," Naruto pleaded. Pleaded. His fingers curled and uncurled nervously around the bottom edge of his t-shirt. "I don't want to be locked in the dark again…"

Kakashi's chest hollowed out. His suddenly too quick pulse beat in his ears in sync with the head matron's words from that day, 'The only measure that works on him is isolation.' It all made sense now. Why Naruto liked windows so much, why he was so quiet and tidy, why he went the extra mile to follow those rules, why he was so scared when he supposedly disobeyed.

He broke the rules to help Kakashi and still expected to be punished for it.

The fury filled his veins like molten lava. Those fucking bastards from the orphanage..! In the next moment, Kakashi leashed his anger and shoved it aside. The kid was already terrified of him, no need to scare him even further.

Unfortunately, Naruto must have noticed or maybe sensed the rage simmering under the man's calm surface. He stepped back, pressing against the door. His body language might as well screamed, it was so obvious—the boy expected a hit.

Kakashi felt sick. Naruto believed that he would beat him for breaking the rules. The world really played a cruel joke on him. Obito would have kicked his ass if he had seen this.

Slowly, without any needless gestures, the jounin lowered himself down and sat on the floor cross-legged. For a while, he simply gazed at the cowering child, fighting against the millions of reassurances he wanted to blurt out. Naruto studied his movements with keen, intelligent eyes that reminded Kakashi very much of Minato-sensei with how sharply they cut him right down to his core.

"I won't hurt you, Naruto. Not now, not ever," Kakashi said quietly. "And I'm certainly not sending you back." The little blond's face brightened at that bit. "I want to adopt you." He paused to gather his thoughts. "I can't do it officially, because you're an Uzumaki, but we still can make this work. I can't… become your father," too big shoes to fill, "but I'd like to be your big brother if you allow me." Because that was what he was supposed to be in the first place. "I don't know how to be a good brother, or be a brother to someone at all." He should consult Itachi, that kid would know for sure what to do. "And I'll make mistakes no doubt, just like I did until now, but if you give me a chance I—"

"Yeah."

The unexpected interruption seemed to come out almost like an accident, because Naruto's eyes immediately dropped down, cheeks reddening.

Kakashi's eyes crinkled, mirroring a smile beneath his blue mask. A chance, it was all he needed. He didn't expect trust to be given. He intended to earn it.

"Concerning those rules…" Kakashi started. He didn't miss how Naruto's relaxed stance went rigid again. "Well, my teammate taught me a lesson before his death: while breaking rules is bad, abandoning your comrade is much worse." The boy listened with rapt attention. "You saved my life back then, Naruto. Do you regret it?"

Naruto's eyes widened. In the next moment, he was already shaking his head in exaggerated denial.

Kakashi chuckled. "Those rules were stupid to begin with," he stated, reaching out to pat that sunshine-colored mop before the boy could make himself dizzy. He counted it as a win when Naruto didn't flinch away from his touch. "No more rules. You're free to do whatever you want here. It is as much your home as it is mine."

There was so much he wanted to tell the kid: about his father, his mother, his clan. So much to show him: the world beyond the village, the feeling of belonging, the love of family. So much to teach him: useful tricks, the jutsu, the suitable training methods. Seeing how fond of dogs the little blond was, maybe he could call in that old favor from Tsume Inuzuka and get Naruto his own ninken puppy.

Imparting the Hatake clan's ninken training method to Naruto sounded better and better the longer he thought about it.

"We should go eat," Kakashi said instead of saying everything he wanted to say. Years were ahead of them. There would be time for everything. "I made ramen for dinner today."

Naruto gawked at him with practically stars shooting out of his eyes. "Ramen?" he whispered. Not out of fear this time, but sheer awe.

Uzumaki and their obsession with ramen, no one would ever understand it. Kakashi forwent the idea of trying a long time ago. "That's right," he confirmed as he stood up.

The shock on the blond's face turned into a warm, happy smile and Kakashi just couldn't ignore the feeling of a blanket being draped over his shoulders. Watching Naruto grin was like watching the sun rising, heralding the end of grey bitter days and the start of a bright hopeful future.

~The End~

A/N

This was supposed to be a dark, gritty, depressing one-shot, but ended up being proof that I can't write dark, gritty, depressing things. Ah, well, I hope you enjoyed it either way!

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