Chapter 7: That's XCOM, Baby!

"It really is unlike any city on Earth…" Helltaker stated as he looked around him. They had been walking through Tartarus for hours now and the Helltaker found the architecture to be both unique and obviously inspired by human culture. All the buildings were built as either office buildings and apartments, with rare deviations such as the occasional shop or club. The strange part was that the buildings seemed to be an ungodly mixture of dozens of different cultures from all the different ages of man. Some buildings wouldn't look out of place from ancient Rome or ancient Greece were it not for the fact that they were at least eight stories tall and only getting higher the deeper they got into Tartarus. He had even seen a twelve story office building made out of dried mud and another apartment building covered in Ancient Egyptian iconography. That wasn't to say all the buildings were of the past, some looked like they could have come straight out of New York or Tokyo. No matter their cultural origin however, all buildings had signs of demonic influence. Gargoyles, chains, spikes, torches, and even a few heads on pikes adorned the sides of the buildings.

Not only that, but the residents were also mind boggling. Small demons, "imps" as he had learned, were dressed in standard office attire as they made their way too and from work. He could hear them griping about their bosses and their paychecks, and he also saw many with devices that could only be smartphones, albeit 10 years behind what could be found back home. The Helltaker had not expected the capital of Hell to be consumed by a corporate rat race, but there it was.

Pandemonica deigned to reply, "That's not entirely true. Tartarus was designed to be both similar to all civilisations on earth, but also entirely unlike anything on Earth. The atmosphere often changes as well." She pushed her glasses further onto her nose, "I suppose we have time for another history lesson. Currently, the activity you see before you is based on the corporate environments found in cities all across Earth, but in the past, you would have seen hunter gatherer imps, or imps preparing for gladiatorial matches in the arenas. A few hundred Earth years ago, they were working in the equivalent of the Industrial Revolution, working both in the hazardous netherite mines or the harsh conditions of the factories. Now though, they operate corporate positions under their supervisors, the Higher Demons. At any time, an imp might be working on allocating funds for new pain fields to be built across the more rural areas of Hell, or embezzling those same funds for their boss in the hope of being gifted a slightly comfier lifestyle. Now, this only applies to the capitol, outside these walls is where the real work happens. That's where the souls of your fellow sinners are tortured until they graduate to purgatory, where they must improve themselves to be worthy of heaven. That is the reason for Hell's existence after all, souls must recognize their sins, regret them, and truly yearn to improve themselves, not just because of their suffering. For some, it takes only years to graduate to purgatory, others will stay here for hundreds or thousands of years. Still, some souls have been here longer than even me or Lucifer for that matter. Some of you humans really are just that fucked in the head to last that long, holding on to your sins despite eons of agony."

"So, what you're trying to tell me is that Hell is actually a correctional facility of sorts instead of eternal damnation? That's… nice to know actually." Helltaker was pleased to hear that there was hope for sinners like him.

Pandemonica continued her education spiel, "Of course, there wouldn't really be a point to Hell otherwise. Remember, Hell was not created by demons, but by God as a means to deal with sinners. If souls were trapped here forever, that would just be suffering without reason and generally speaking, everything God does has a reason as mysterious as it may seem. Despite how much we in Hell might dislike him and his "high horse" attitude, even we must admit that he is a divine force of good. Still though, I never understood why God didn't simply use the angels to punish sinners. Is it not strange that the wardens for his prison despise him and regularly work to encourage sin as best we can? It does seem a bit… counter productive in the very least, doesn't it?"

"Monica, you think too much. You're always talking about your theories and stuff, can't you just live in the moment?" Modeus squeezed Helltaker's arm against her ample chest as they walked, "You've got such a nice hunk of meat right next to you and all you can talk about is your boring history lessons. No wonder you don't get any."

Pandemonica glared at Modeus, "Slut."

"Hmph, of course I'm a slut, I'm a succubus after all. You're going to have to do better than that to rile me up." Modeus

"Just be grateful I haven't had my coffee in a while or you would be begging for mercy right now."

Helltaker, meanwhile, was doing his best to stay out of their way despite being directly between them. As they continued to bicker, he noticed an impressive marble statue at the corner of an intersection. It featured two dragons roaring at an armored man in between them. Helltalker froze in recognition.

Pandemonica noticed his shocked expression and followed his gaze to the statue, "Ah, yes, it is a rather striking image, isn't it? That's the statue marking the location of the fourth encounter as recorded in the Book of Doom, one of few Primary Texts among the many records of Hell's vast history. The Book of Doom tells of the Doomslayer, a mere human who managed to defeat some of Hell's most powerful heroes and enemies. He defeated the hordes and helped Lucifer banish Satan himself to the abyss. Other than that, not much is known about the warrior. He left our realm after only a few days of constant battle. The only one who knows anything about the Slayer is Lucifer herself, but she has not seen fit to make her knowledge public. The Book of Doom recounts that when she looked into his mind, whatever she saw was reason enough for her to wipe his memories of our realm and send him through the portal that Satan used to bring forth the horde."

'Holy shit, they know about Doomslayer! How in God's name do I tell them I live with the guy?' By now, Helltaker and company were standing beneath the statue, taking in the image of battle captured in marble. The two dragons were shown to be roaring at the Slayer as he seemed to be sprinting at them with a rocket launcher on his shoulder. Helltaker noticed that the Slayer's armor was very different from what he had seen recently. It seemed to be lacking several modifications and didn't reveal the biceps. Helltaker was also struck by the perfect detail of the sculpture. It was immaculate in every definition of the word.

Pandemonica spoke up, "As I said before, this statue depicts the Doomsayer's battle against the Sisters of Suffering, Malina and Zdrada. By the way, they're the next demons I've highlighted as being good additions for your harem. If I remember correctly, Malina lives only a few blocks from the statue."

"Hold on a second! I'm making a harem of demon girls here, not dragons. I'm just not into that." Helltaker was not about to fuck around with dragons. Demon girls were a stretch, but dragons? Hell no. 'I'm not a furry, goddammit'

Pandemonica rolled her eyes, "Of course not, Helltaker. You see, during the fourth encounter, the Slayer killed both Malina and Zdrada. As a result, they lost their higher forms, returning to the more human forms you know as 'demon girls'. Actually, the same thing happened to all of us presently in your harem, with the exception of Cerberus. And Azazel of course. As a matter of fact, I myself was slain in the first encounter."

Modeus spoke up, "Oh yea! I totally got choked out during the second encounter. It was actually kind of kinky if you ask me, but I'm not usually into that kind of masochistic stuff. I guess there's something alluring about a man who can resist my charms, but he did leave me all frustrated."

"Hey! We met the Slayer too!"

"He also helped us kill the mean demons. He ripped through them like they were nothing!"

"He even gave us head scratches! We were sad to see him leave!"

Cerberus was bouncing up and down in joy at the memories, but Helltaker noticed the other girls didn't quite share her enthusiasm. Pandemonica explained further, "Modeus and I got lucky. You see, demons essentially have two halves: Our higher form and our human form. If you kill one, the demon will still have the other form. If both forms die however, the demon dies forever and a new demon representing our sin forms. We don't go to hell 2.0 or anything like that, we just cease to exist. Had the Slayer not immediately left after defeating us, we would have certainly been exterminated completely."

Helltaker nodded, "I see… So these dragons have become full time demon girls because the Doomslayer killed that half." 'I suppose I have the Doomslayer to thank for turning these demons into demon girls. I knew there was a reason I let him sleep in my basement. Still thought, this is a bit problematic. How am I supposed to take these girls home if my roommate is the guy who killed them?' Oh well, that would be a problem for another day.

Pandemonica turned them away from the statue, "We should get moving again. I'm sure you'd much rather add another girl to your harem than admire art."

"I don't know… A statue of the Doomslayer fighting two dragons is about the most badass piece of art I've ever seen." The Helltaker took a quick picture with his smartphone before following Pandemonica.

"Oh, I think you'll like this one, Helltaker. I have a feeling the two of you will hit it off pretty quick."

"Сука Blyat, Who the fuck are you, barging into my apartment like you own the place?" Malina pivoted in her gaming chair to see the Helltaker enter her room, "What the Hell are you playing at?"

"I'd sure love to play with you…"

'Fuck, that was lame as Hell'

Malina stared at him in confusion, "... Like what… Video games? Sure, why not. As long as you're ok with turn based strategy games."

Helltaker blinked, 'Task failed successfully'

"Oh. Cool. Hold up, is that XCOM 2?"

Malina nodded, "Yep. It's nice to meet somebody with some fucking culture. I swear, most demons are playing checkers while we're out here playing chess, you know what I mean?"

"Not really. I'm not too savvy on Hell's gaming scene just yet… Damn, you look like you're in a tight spot there."

Malina grumbled, "It's total bullshit. My sniper missed a 90% success shot and everything went tits up. Now my sniper's mind is controlled by an elite sectoid, my ranger's constricted, my favorite character, the specialist is bleeding out on the floor and will die in the next turn. The only medkit left on the team belongs to my mind controlled sniper who is about to dome my only usable soldier, a grenadier on 4 health. Also, enemy reinforcements are on the way in two turns. Oh, did I mention we're playing ironman mode?"

"Hmm, let me see for a second." Helltaker took the mouse and examined the situation. After a minute, he had a plan, "Ok, with the grenade launcher's expanded blast radius, you should be able to hit the sectoid on the second story with it and detonate that car below it, while also taking down the building. All those things combined should rack up 12 damage, just enough to kill it. Then, you're going to want to move your recently freed sniper to stabilize your specialist. We can't free the ranger just yet, because the sniper is still dazed and would never make that shot. Still though, the ranger will survive being constricted for another turn. Next turn, all you need to do is take out the viper with your sniper and get your grenadier in overwatch against the reinforcements. For the next turn, you would have 3 fighting soldiers still standing to fight off the reinforcements."

Malina considered it for a few moments, "...Hmm… yea, that just might work. It's better than anything I've got. Let's give it a go."

Malina had her grenadier fire a grenade at the sectoid, destroying the building, and blowing up the car. It died and the sniper was freed from mind control. They moved him up to the specialist and stabilized the poor bastard. As the turn changed, the viper strangled the ranger, taking him down to two health. "Sweet, plan's working perfectly so far. Nice job, dude." On the next turn, Malina quickly set up the grenadier to overwatch over the reinforcement zone and then prepared to take the shot on the viper with the sniper's revolver. "Oh hell yea, at this range and angle, it's a 95% success flank shot. Couldn't be better."

She fired.

She missed.

"You're shitting me…"

The turn changed and the viper dropped the dead corpse of the ranger. As the enemy reinforcements came, the grenadier missed his overwatch shot and was now out of ammo. It was the alien's turn and all they had to face was one wounded grenadier and a completely flanked sniper. The grenadier immediately died under heavy laser fire from a mech. The sniper quickly followed behind the grenadier as an advent officer finished him off. The mission was a failure and there was no going back.

Malina pushed her chair away from the desk and was visibly seething with rage. The Helltaker just smirked and let out a single, pitiful laugh, "Ha… That's XCOM, baby."

"Сука Blyat!"

*CRASH*

Helltaker barely managed to dodge the keyboard that had been shattered against the wall. A single nervous bead of sweat rolled down his face, "Is this a bad time to ask if you'd like to join my harem?

"Definitely… but I guess I might not mind if you ask me again after we beat the game. Fuck, I could use some vodka now."

The Doomslayer was working out in Beelzebub's gym, a relatively new part of his daily routine, when he heard Beelzebub call him from the main room. He put down the weights and reactivated his armor's power system. He couldn't help but wonder what activity she had planned for them this time. Basket weaving? Paper airplane construction contest? Perhaps she trained a tentacle monster to box?

Over the past month in the abyss (A day on Earth), Doomslayer had found himself wrapped up in all sorts of boredom busters. Beelzebub taught Doomslayer the basics of violin and in turn he let her listen to the heavy metal songs that he had saved in his helmet speakers. They even held a small snowball fight in the courtyard, the only problem being the complete lack of snow. Instead they used compacted ash, of which there was plenty leftover after Satan's previous assault on the castle. Doomslayer won, of course, 20-0. Mercy was not a strong suit of his.

As he entered the main room, he noticed that Beelzebub was drenched in sweat and had removed the outer sections of her outfit. She brightened up when she saw him, "Ah, Good Slayer, thank you for coming on such short notice, I hope I didn't disturb you." A quick shake of the Slayer's head indicated that all was fine. "Now then, if you would be so kind as to follow me to where we first met? I'm sure you remember."

Beelzebub led him up a few staircases and ramparts until they reached the roof of the tower, the very same tower where the Doomslayer was brought into the abyss and where he slayed the Great Fly. Before, there had been thousands of dead flies here, but now, there seemed to be a familiar sight for the Slayer. On the floor was a bloody pentagram surrounded by candles. It looked to be the same design that the satanic cult used when he arrived on Earth-3.

"It took months to recreate all the components from darkness, but I've done it. A blood-generated interdimensional portal sacrificial pentagram. I've also made a sacrificial dagger which should be instrumental in permanently killing Satan and finishing the portal construction ritual."

Doomslayer nodded, "Good… Job."

Beelzebub's face lit up in joy at receiving such rare, audible praise from him, despite her best attempts to disguise it. "Thank you, Slayer. It… means a lot to hear you say that. Onto the next point then: When Satan returns with the horde, it will be in your best interest to try and capture him. I know it's no small order, but all I require is that he is alive and incompacitated. I doubt we can even kill him with his healing factor, so don't worry about dismembering him too much. Do whatever it takes. Once we bring him up this tower, all we have to do is lay him on the pentagram, I'll do the chant, and then one of us has to impale his heart with the sacrificial dagger. Even though a knife in the heart is nowhere near enough to kill him, the nature of the sacrificial ritual will definitely result in his permanent death, as his lifeforce will be entirely drained. Then, I should be able to transfer his innate magical energy to form a portal using the same dimensional link I created in your living room. Understand?"

The Doomslayer nodded. It seemed all this plan required of him was to kick Satan's ass with extreme prejudice. He had been planning to do that anyway.

"If anyone can do it, it's you. Now all we have to do is wait for Satan to arrive. While we wait, would you perhaps be interested in some Jenga?"

Helltaker found Zdrada taking a smoke break on the roof of an apartment building. He could instantly tell that she wasn't quite like the other girls. So far, everyone in his harem were dressed to the nines in formal attire and kept it classy. Zdrada it seemed was the polar opposite. She was wearing street clothes, resembling a more casual version of a punk rockstar, especially with her piercings. That didn't deter him one bit though, he was here for demon girls, and she fit the bill.

"So you smoke, huh? Makes sense, considering you used to be a fire-breathing dragon and all." Helltaker said, remembering what Monica told him about the sisters.

Zdrada was slightly startled as she turned away from her view of the city, "It's been a long time since somebody associated me with my dragon form, and besides, I don't recognize you. You just read the Book of Doom or some shit?"

"Nah, I just saw the statue a few blocks down. The one where you and your sister are fighting the Slayer."

"I guess that adds up. Heh, we totally got our asses kicked back then. Thought we were the meanest kids on the block until then. Well, how did you like the statue anyway?" Zdrada said as she rolled her cigarette in her hands a few times.

"Oh, trust me, I loved it. It was badass in every sense of the word. I mean, the level of detail was off the charts, and don't get me started on the scene that was captured. Hands down the coolest piece of art I've ever seen, and I've been to Rome." As Helltaker rambled on about the marble statue, he failed to notice Zdrada's cheeks begin to redden slightly.

"Damn, that's high praise, random ass stranger who ambushed me during my smoke break." Zdrada replied as she blew some smoke into his face.

"Cough cough… Wait, you mean you sculpted that? Holy shit, you're amazing!" Helltaker was honestly surprised to say the least. It really was just that good of a sculpture.

"Ok, damn dude, cool your jets. I hate all that positive shit." Zdrada said before taking another drag of her cigarette. As she blew out the smoke, her eyes lit up, "Hold on, ain't you the human who's been going around, rounded up bitches for a harem? You must have one hell of a pair to try that. You must be here to try to woo me or something like that, aye?"

Helltaker scratched the back of his head, this was a first, "Uh, yes actually, that's me. Sooo… Want to join"

Zdrada pursed her lips, "Hmmm… Let me think about it. Oh! I just thought of something. Ok, if you want me to join your harem, you just need to do one thing."

"Swear to God, I'll literally do anything." Helltaker eagerly replied.

Zdrada smirked, "Ok pal. Hit me."

Helltaker froze, "Wait…. What?"

Zdrada poked her cigarette in his face, the ashes brushing up against his forehead, "You heard me. Just fucking hit me. Like, really hit me. Lay me out, man. Straight up deck me. I'm into some freaky shit. Consider this a trial run to see if you've got the balls to handle me, tough guy."

"So, like, you actually want me to hit you, like, full force and everything?" Helltaker really wasn't prepared for this. His pa always told him not to hit women.

Zdrada flicked her cigarette off the roof and stuck out her head for the Helltaker, "Oh, I'm serious. Trust me, this isn't even half the shit I'd have you do to me. I LOVE the pain. If you want me in your harem, you're gonna have to suck up your petty little morals, and punch this bitchy demon girl right in the face."

"Ok then... You asked for it." Helltaker winded his fist back. 'Sorry pop, but I'm sure you'd understand.' He lashed out and struck her right in the cheek. He'd half expected her to dodge last second and stab him in the ribs or something, but she actually took it like a champ. For a moment, she just stood there, shuddering as she basked in the pain.

Zdrada shook herself out of whatever that was and said, "Well, you passed the test. I can't join a harem if the man ain't got what it takes to keep me in check, can I? Still though, this kink goes both ways, so be prepared to bleed."

The Helltaker could say for sure that he wasn't into this, but he was going to keep an open mind if it meant he could have even just one more demon girl in his harem, even if she was a bitchy sadomasochist.

…

…

…

As the Helltaker left the apartment building with Zdrada in tow, he found the rest of the harem waiting for him. Malina, he noticed, had a sour look on her face, or at least more sour than normal, "Ugh, I was really hoping you would fail this time. I am not looking forward to being stuck in your harem with my bitch sister."

Zdrada laughed, "Ha, nice to know you love me too, sis. I for one, am happy to see my little Malinka finally crawling out of her shell and socializing for once on her own."

"Freak bitch."

"Get a life, nerd."

"You still smoking ten packs a day? You know that shit's bad for you, not to mention it's forbidden by Lucifer herself."

"Are you still chugging vodka like it's water? Maybe you'd be better at your little games if you weren't constantly impaired."

Pandemonica had enough of their petty squabble, "While it's nice to see you sisters bonding again, but we have work to do. There are still two more girls on the list and both are in the direction of the spire. The closer we get to the spire, the more likely it is that we'll be stopped by the prosecutors, and I doubt they would like the idea of us forming a harem and going to the human realm, so speed is essential right now."

Helltaker felt the need to thank Pandemonica for everything she had done for him and his harem, "Monica, I just want to thank you for leading me through Hell and helping me find all these demon girls. I would have definitely been lost without you. Thank you."

Pandemonica seemed to stand up straighter under the praise, "It is no problem, Helltaker. I'm just fulfilling my role as Hell's primary customer service agent."

"Don't believe that for one second, Helltaker." Zdrada said, "Monica here just LOVES to organize shit. She's, like, the wedding planner from hell basically. I remember my old band had been planning to do a little gig, but then our shy little Monica here found out and decided to turn the thing into a full blown concert with fireworks and everything. The best part is, it only took her 24 hours. Organizing Hell's hottest harem is right up her alley, isn't that right, Monica?"

Monica pushed her glasses further up her nose with a slight smirk, "I just like to keep busy, that's all."

"Don't be like that, Monica! There's nothing wrong with having passion about something!" Modeus said, trying to cheer her up.

"Yea Monica! Everyone appreciates the events you plan!" Cerberus joined in on the encouragement.

"How fascinating! I never knew demons could be kind enough to encourage others. Truly remarkable!" A new voice spoke up, surprising the harem.

They all turned around and were shocked to see what appeared to be an angel standing behind them.

"Ah! Apologies if I've interrupted you, I only meant to observe. Oh, I was just wondering, sir, and I know this sounds preposterous, but are you by any chance… a living human?" The angel questioned him.

"Y-Yes, I am. Are you really an angel? I didn't expect to meet one in Hell." Helltaker was shocked to be in the presence of such a being.

The angel's jaw dropped slightly as she began furiously writing in a notebook, "How fascinating! There hasn't been a living human in Hell since Dante, and before that, the Doomslayer! Last semester I did a whole research assignment on him, he's so cool! Ah, I've gone off track. Sorry. Also, while I apologize for eavesdropping, I heard you're creating a harem of demon girls, yes? That's… That's unfathomable. Such a thing has never occurred before. This phenomenon will make the perfect assignment for my senior research paper in demonology. They might even make me an archangel!"

Her furious writing continued until suddenly, she came to a stop, "Ah, I've forgotten my manners. How unbefitting of an angel. My name is Azazel, and I'm the curious angel. I'm the first angel since Lucifer to enter Hell because I wanted to study demons in their natural habitat to get an edge over my fellow classmates. While it is technically forbidden, I'm hoping the sheer amount of new information I've discovered will cause that old fashioned rule to be dismissed."

"She's cute." Modeus suddenly stated.

"I don't know." Said Zdrada, "I feel like I'm under the lens of a microscope right now."

"Azazel, as I'm sure you're aware, angels are forbidden in Hell. This was an agreement made by both parties, Heaven and Hell. Heaven forbids it because angels will eventually become corrupted if they linger too long, and Hell forbids it because quite frankly, you are not welcome here. You need to leave immediately." Pandemonica held a deep respect for Hell's customs and despite the angel's good intentions, she couldn't budge on following the law.

Azazel seemed to shrink into herself at that, "Of course, I understand that. I only meant to be here a little while, but I can't actually get back to heaven it seems. You see, I'm a very low ranked angel and I don't have much devine power to begin with, but I've discovered since coming to Hell, my limited powers are more or less useless here. The amount of sin in the air seems to completely overpower my divinity and I haven't been able to create a portal to get home. I can already feel the corruption getting to me and to be honest, I'm a little scared."

The Helltaker's heart broke seeing such an innocent being nearly be brought to tears. Perhaps they could help her? "Maybe… maybe we could take you with us!"

Azazel's eyes widened at that, "What do you mean?"

Helltaker thought about it for a few seconds before giving his proposition, "Well, once we finish the harem, we were planning on living at my place on Earth. I'm sure we could bring you with us when we leave. You could even continue to study us for your thesis paper if you wanted. It's a win-win situation!"

Azazel's eyes seemed to sparkle as a heart-melting smile broke through her previous depression, "You would do that! Really!?"

"Wait a second." Pandemonica said, putting a sudden stop to the good mood, "You say this is a 'win-win situation', but how exactly do we benefit from harboring a fugitive?"

"...We get to make a new friend?" Helltaker weakly suggested.

"We love making friends!" Cerberus yelled out, her tails wagging.

"While that's not remotely a good enough reason, I suppose if it is your wish to help this lost angel, I can only assist you to the best of my abilities. However, I expect you to make me some top quality coffee when we travel to Earth. You better be prepared for the consequences." Pandemonica said with an uncaring expression.

"I'll take responsibility for helping Azazel, but for now, let's get a move on. Like you said, we need to hurry. I'm sure the prosecutors will be even less happy with us knowing we have an angel in our company."

"Yea, keep stroking, just like that… Oh, you're a natural, Slayer. Keep going, at this rate, you'll finish in no time… AH! Oh, Slayer! You got me so wet!"

"Sorry"

Slayer grabbed a nearby rag to clean up the watercolor paint that he spilled on Beelzebub. Watercolor paint, because that's what they were doing. They were painting. Doomslayer had just been putting on the last strokes with his paintbrush.

Beelzebub waved him off, "It's fine, just a little stain. I can remove it with even my mangled magic easily enough." With a snap of her fingers, the stain had disappeared, "See? Okay, now let's finish that painting."

Like usual, watercolor painting was yet another of Beelzebub's ideas to pass the time in the abyss. Doomslayer could tell that her ability to always find something to do was the sole thing that had kept Beelzebub mostly sane for all those countless millennia she had spent down here. Watercolor painting was yet one of her many acquired skills, although it wasn't quite watercolor. The 'water' was actually some kind of mostly transparent black oily substance, the closest thing Beelzebub could get to water from the fabric of darkness. Also, there wasn't much in the way of color, the only color available being black. In the end, their art looked similar to a messy charcoal drawing, but the Doomslayer thought it actually looked kind of cool in an edgy sort of way.

They had each made one painting, although Beelzebub hadn't let Doomslayer see hers yet, but by the way he had caught her looking at him constantly, it wasn't too hard to assume she was painting him. Doomslayer had not elected to paint Beelzebub, instead…

"I must say Slayer, I'm rather surprised. I didn't expect a man of your experiences to paint a rabbit of all things. I suppose it makes sense though, for someone who has been through Hell in every way imaginable to take solace in more innocent, peaceful imagery. It did turn out rather nicely though." Beelzebub said.

"Her name was Daisy… She was… one of the few things I could cherish."

Beelzebub didn't know what to say, "I would have never believed you would have a pet rabbit. It just seems… off-brand? I mean, she looks cute, that's for sure, but I would have never put 'cute' and 'Doomslayer' into the same thought before. I figured you would own a, like, a wolf or something."

"Daisy was my pet long before I became the Doomslayer, back when I was just the average marine... Although I did actually serve alongside wolves for quite a while. They were respected companions to many Night Sentinels, both on and off the battlefield. Hmm… In the end, they were our only allies to stay by our side until the end…"

Beelzebub just watched as he lost himself in his memories. It wasn't an uncommon sight to her by now. Often when they weren't doing anything, she would find him just staring into space. Like usual, she decided to leave him to it as she walked back to her own painting. While her dear Slayer tried his best, his relatively simple painting was simply no match for her millenia of practice. Her painting was as much of a masterpiece as a painting could be when you only had black water color paint. She had painted the Doomslayer standing atop her castle's tower. In the image, he was doing nothing but standing there, menacingly, but she felt that it was missing something. Perhaps a drop of color brings some life to it? 'Hmmm… That might work. Give it a subtle pop that it's currently lacking'

She morphed her fingernail into a claw and used it to prick her thumb on her other hand. She spread a dab of her own blood over her smallest brush and used to put it to the canvas. A few moments later she stepped back to admire her finished work. She was satisfied with her recent addition, painting that strange mark on his helmet red had been a good decision after all. It was one of her best paintings yet, although she would need to make another one without his helmet covering his face. Still though, she had captured his meaty biceps fabulously. 'Oh yes, this is most certainly going on my wall tonight.'

Helltaker was hurting, that was for sure. This puzzle was confusing the hell out of him. He kept dying before reaching the end. This must have been his twenty-fifth attempt at this trial in particular, further proof that they were only getting harder as he went on. The most annoying thing was that he couldn't even see the entire puzzle with these boulders in the way. He had been doing his best to memorize everything he knew about this puzzle, but that was difficult when he also had to deal with the pain. This would have been so much easier if he had some sort of top-down view, almost like a turn-based puzzle game of sorts. It might have even been fun.

If his memory served him correctly, there would be spikes on the other side of this boulder, but if he wastes one of his 'actions', then they would retreat underground when he walked over them. After that it would all be guess work though, this was as far as he'd gotten before he collapsed when the spikes suddenly popped out of the ground. After ingeniously moving some other rocks around, he managed to push this particular one to the side and found that the spikes he expected were indeed sticking out, but he knew from experience that when he went to step on them, they would disappear. Walking over the deactivated spike pit, he found himself at the end of the trial. He took a second to catch his breath as his vitality returned to him.

"Yo, did someone just finish that puzzle? That's awesome?" A voice called out from around a corner at the end of the hall. Before the Helltaker could react, a demon girl turned the corner and walked up to him.

"It definitely took a lot of work." The Helltaker appraised the woman before him. She had her white hair tied in a loose bun with a pair of aviators covering her eyes. She wore a red dress shirt with a suit jacket draped over her shoulders. She also appeared to be wearing gloves that resembled UFC fighting gloves with the initials HPJ labeled on them. Alongside her impressive, yet subtle muscle structure, Helltaker concluded that she was most definitely a badass, "Wanna join my harem?"

Her eyebrows rose behind her sunglasses, "Wow, you're a blunt fellow, aren't you? Wait a minute…?" She mumbled off as she seemed to stare through him. After a few seconds, she spoke up again, "You're a goddamned living human, aren't you? Holy shit, a living human made it all the way into Tartarus and powered through a trial like it was nothing? Now that's what I call a man's man! And did you just walk up to me and ask if I wanted to join your harem? Just like that? The balls on this dude, holy shit! You're like, the second baddest dude I've ever met. Hell yea, I'll join your harem. I'd never miss a party, and this one seems like it might be rad as all Hell."

"That was pretty easy compared to my previous experiences with the other girls." Helltaker stated with relief.

The demon girl grinned, "You'll come to find that I'm a pretty laid back girl. Name's Justice by the way. Justice, the Awesome Demon. And you?"

"Uh… Helltaker." 'Honestly, what the fuck is my actual name?'

"'Helltaker', huh? That kind of reminds me of the Doomslayer. You two would have hit it off I bet."

The Helltaker only smirked as they walked back to the harem, 'You don't know the half of it'

"What is that?"

Beelzebub and the Slayer were reclining in beach chairs on top of her castle, simply taking a moment of relaxation and enjoying each other's presence when it happened. Despite being an empty abyss, flashes of darkness could occasionally be seen shining from above and unknowable shapes could be made out an infinite distance away. It was a poor man's stargazing to say the least. That was when something else appeared out of the darkness as if it had just slithered out of the surface of an endless sea of black fog. It was an impossibly large mass that seemed to resemble a snake as it had enormous black and crimson scales. There was no end or beginning to the slithering mass, only the body.

Beelzebub's face held a mask of apprehension as they beheld the horrific being, "Your humans have named him Jörmungandr. I see him from time to time, every couple hundred or so years. Luckily he does not see me. How to explain it…? Well, for starters, he is both the beginning of mankind and its end. You know of the serpent in the garden of Eden who gave Eve the cursed apple, yes? That was him back when he was no larger than an ordinary snake. Because of his actions, Adam and Eve were cast down to Earth where Adam and Eve began to multiply and humanity grew, thus Jörmungandr could be considered the beginning of humanity. God was understandably angry and created the abyss as a prison for Jörmungandr. Since then, it has been used as a prison for other beings who could not be contained in any of the other realms. Jörmungandr was not satisfied with his punishment and conceived a plan to escape. He began eating his tail and don't ask me how this works, but it causes him to grow infinitely larger. Eventually he will grow too large to be held in the abyss. You can't tell, but the abyss is far smaller than the realm in which earth resides, which is truly considered to be infinite. When that happens, he will escape into the Earth realm and begin eating the known universe, starting with Earth, to satiate his hunger. Thus, he is both the beginning and the end of humanity, and thus concludes the legend of Ouroboros."

The Doomslayer did not like the sound of that. Beelzebub noticed him tensing as he thought up plans to defeat the serpent and interrupted him, "I would advise against battling Jörmungandr, dear Slayer. Even your legendary weapons, fiery rage, or perfect violence would have little to no effect on the Serpent. We should count ourselves lucky. He has grown far too large to sense us or my castle. We are like ants to him. Had we been significantly larger, he would have seen us as a worthwhile meal, enough to consider taking his tail out of his mouth and swallowing us whole. You would not be able to fight him from the inside as you did with Zdrada in her dragon form. We would simply be broken down and added to his mass, nothing but fuel for Jörmungandr's growth. It is better to let him pass for now. Besides, it will be a VERY long time before he is large enough to escape. Do not be so hasty."

The Doomslayer didn't like what he was hearing, but he had to concede the point. Not even his BFG would do noticeable damage to the incomprehensibly large creature. Still though, he could not go back to relaxing with such an ugly sight taking up much of the view. He stood up from his chair and turned to Beelzebub. "Let's go do something else. Another one of your… Activities?"

Beelzebub's eyes lit up in surprise and a smile slowly followed. This was the very first time the Doomslayer had elected to do something on his own without her hounding him to play. It didn't matter that he was just trying to distract himself from the unspeakable horror slithering above them, he wanted to play with her! "Want to play Jenga again? I know we played only a month ago, but I had so much fun!"

"I was thinking something more… Physical."

Beelzebub's pupils immediately seemed to morph into pulsating hearts alongside the furious blush that lit up her face. She quickly squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head until her mind cleared up, 'He doesn't mean sex, Beel, get your mind out of the gutter.' Once she collected herself, she spoke up, "H-How about uh… Rock Climbing! We can use the tower walls!"

The Doomslayer simply stared at her for a few moments, wondering what the hell that was about. "Rock Climbing?... Yes. I am good at that."

"Sure you are, darling- EEP!" She slapped her hands over her mouth. Her nervous eyes slowly looked up to the Slayer's more confused eyes. Once again she was blushing like a maiden over her mistake despite her cheeks having already been flushed red from her previous dirty thoughts, "I mean… uh, Sure you are, dear Slayer."

The Slayer only looked on in confusion as she began to wipe nervous sweat from her brow with her handkerchief. Perhaps Jörmungandr was affecting her more than she let on. Rock climbing would be a good distraction for the both of them. Still though, as a master of his own condition, he had to wonder why his heart started beating a little bit faster after that odd conversation.

Helltaker and his motley crew were standing at the bottom of a tower that seemed to go on higher than he could see. "Wow… So there's no elevator?"

Pandemonica adjusted her glasses before responding, "Unfortunately not. The spire is the only building in Tartarus that has not changed to reflect the human world's progression. We will be going up stairs. Six-hundred-sixty-five flights of stairs to be precise, to deliver us to the six-hundred-sixty-sixth floor. You wanted demon girls and there is no better demon girl than the one that resides in the throne room, the CEO of Hell, Lucifer."

"I can't count the number of times I've climbed those hellish stairs. It's a bitch and half, but it wouldn't be Hell without a little suffering." Justice said to the group.

The Helltaker was resolute despite the imminent challenge, "It's worth it though. I would walk up a million flights of stairs for each and everyone of you and your CEO is no different. Let's go"

Author's Note

Sorry about the very long wait. I actually had half of this written by the time I published the previous chapter, but I got a full time job and that kind of sucked the life out of me, alongside any passion to spend my time writing fanfiction. Luckily I quit that job and got a different one recently which I actually enjoy, so I feel like writing again. Also, I managed to push out a single chapter of a Fallout: New Vegas X Fire Emblem: Three Houses fanfiction which I will be further updating soon if you want to check that out. It should be pretty good if I do say so myself.

Anyways, The Helltaker gets some more girls, Doomslayer plays Jenga, I mixed some Norse Mythology into my good christian fanfiction, and Beelzebub is still cute.

Once again, I am super sorry for the wait, but I really did have the life sucked out of me for a few months, and not in the kinky way.

It's 9:34 AM on a Saturday, but as always, have a goodnight, Readers. Sweet Dreams.

-SavageIdiotAnimal