Chapter 8: Going Broke to Poke

Briefly forgetting this was a competition of kill-counts, Dante tauntingly stood defiant amid the demons' assault, then perfect-guarding the first five slashes of the Queen Empusa's barrage. With flashy finesse, he delivered a well-timed High Rise to parry the last hit. Sensing a Fury dashing from his periphery, he air-switched to Balrog and spin-kicked twice, hitting both the queen and Fury before perforating them with the shotgun-nunchuck technique.

Vergil had finished off the horde of Antenoras and teleported to the stunned and flailing Fury, juggling him with Aerial Raves, even throwing a blade storm in the mix before finishing him with a Lunar Phase. He landed, looked over, and saw Dante slamming down with a Helm Breaker, of which the Queen Empusa devoured until dead. That was all of them.

Resting Yamato on his shoulder, the motivated half-devil revealed, "Fourteen."

Dante lamented, "Aw—twelve. Some of those should've counted as assists…"

"You know the rules. Now, prepare yourself!"

Immediately, Vergil began teleporting all around the hellish battlefield, disappearing and reappearing at indiscriminate locations around Dante, who stood still in irritable concentration.

He saw his brother's blur zip right in front of him, but he knew that would be too easy. Sensing the blue devil zoom around in his periphery, Dante guessed it would come in the next two approaches—

"There!" he exclaimed, tensing up for a Royal Guard.

CRACK! Though he zoomed right through him, Vergil couldn't damage his impervious brother. With sword drawn and expectations shattered, he teleported again, uttering, "Impressive."

Permitted to fight back, Dante drew Cavalier, which meant mounting a magically appearing motorcycle, and gunning it straight ahead. Just as he predicted, his quick adversary stopped teleporting somewhere behind him, thus he Sin Devil Triggered, zeroed in, and prevented the incoming series of Judgement Cuts with a spinning Air Stinger. He knew he caught Vergil off-guard with that, hence the sudden revert from both their demon forms; he even made sure to throw out a cheeky rose to rub it in.

"—Gah! What the hell is that made of—?!"

"Your tears!"

After a maddening routine of jump-cancelling and weapon-switching, Dante finished the Friday Special with a Faust Hat Throw and Catch. Or whatever it's called.

Landing roughly on the ground, Vergil grumbled while looking extra dapper, "I hate this ridiculous hat."

"But I thought you were a man of class," said a victorious Dante, then adding, "taking Samus out to 64th Street, riding around in sports cars, spending money like it's goin' outta style…"

Standing back up, the stylin' and profilin' Vergil smirked and accused, "Jealous?"

"Yeah—no way. I learned my lesson about rich dating a long time ago."

"Oh?" said the elder sibling, now doing his best to forcefully remove the babe-magnet from his head.

"Yeah. You probably never heard, but I took Lara Croft out on a date once."

"Actually, I had heard." Briefly pausing his effort to downgrade his class-level, Vergil added, "My knowledge on that is remarkably slim, though."

The devil hunter scoffed, crossing his arms. "Believe me. It's for a good reason."

Vergil nodded, then he waited, then he cleared his throat, then he narrowed his eyes, then he waited again, then he looked annoyed as he snapped, "Well, tell the fuckin' story."

Dante stalled, "I spent so much goddamn money…"

"I don't care—I wanna hear all about it. It's your turn."

"Uh—wouldn't you rather hear more about the Lightning story?"

Narrowing his eyes, Vergil stated, "You know damned well I want to hear more on that one, but save it for after the Lara story."

Dante sighed. "What about the Morrigan one…?"

Vergil rolled his eyes. "You've never even had relations with her. Now, stop being cowardly and explain your shame."

"But…I never had sex with Lara, either!"

"You didn't?!"

"Okay, no, I did. Fine, here goes…"

-X-

Lightning had been playing games, something Dante warned her about. He didn't like games and was prone to move on as soon as he detected them. It didn't help that a certain tomb raider caught his eye a week ago, so already, the warrior goddess was becoming one with the past.

Anyway, he fancied using the convertible that evening, thankful he didn't have to drive too far to reach Lara's house. Arriving on the north side of Capcom, Dante entered the gated community, cruised through luxury, and arrived in her driveway.

Dialing her number, he hummed a smooth jazz track under his breath, drummed a sweet beat with his fingertips, sniffed the nighttime air rhythmically to add to the beat, and yes, he imagined them getting busy later.

Finally, she answered, "Hello, Dante. Are you outside?"

"Yeah, I'm skydiving."

Having scored a cheap and dirty laugh, the dating bachelor gleaned he would see her momentarily, so he concluded the call, expanded his feet to the dashboard, and popped open his trusty magazine. At some point in the article about Felicia's spending habits, he did notice the time was flying by, and he briefly wondered if it was too soon to call again—just to check on her.

-X-

Vergil decreed, "I would have called her back after forty-five seconds. No, she wouldn't have had me waiting any longer than that."

Dante sighed. "It gets worse."

-X-

Already turning the page, the waiting devil hunter then felt something hit his arm, and then his shoulder, and soon, he saw water droplets hitting his magazine.

"Oh, great…"

Quickly, he un-dropped the roof, sighing irritably when the rain picked up to an intense degree just before his head was protected.

"Okay, I'm callin' her."

As he waited for her to pick up, he reminisced of that bikini picture she posted on her Facespace or whatever, convincing himself a small wait was definitely worth it. There was something endearing about the way she posed next to her guns and gear on the beach. It's like, damn, that's how you're supposed to relax—

"Oh, so sorry Dante! One of my guns was making this weird clicking noise, and I just had to fix it! I'm almost out!"

Highly aroused, her partially rained-on date replied, "Aw, what?! I coulda helped you out with that—!"

"No worries," she said, now exiting the front door with an umbrella. "It's already fixed."

"Aye-aye-yes-ma'am," Dante casually howled, now thoroughly convinced she was worth the wait, of which he soundly forgot about. Watching her stroll up in a red dress and heels, he was trapped deep inside the ogle-zone, even as she sat down in the car next to him.

Laughing, Lara asked, "Why are you still on the phone?"

"Oh—" Hanging that up and stashing it away, Dante did his best to remain civilized as he complimented her, "You clean up nice! But didn't anyone ever tell you red's my favorite color?"

"Oh, really? Guess you'll have to share, then."

Dante cared not; he intended to relocate that dress from the fine lady's body by the end of the night. Besides, he knew he looked spiffy enough in black, so no emergency. And as for his snarky reply:

"I do love to give back."

Well, it wasn't that snarky, but it made the lady giggle. And so, they set out to the upscale restaurant on the northwest side, cruising through the light drizzle to an amicable radio station. During the small talk, Lara looked over and noticed something peculiar.

"Were you hit by the rain?"

Just a nod. "Uh-huh."

"How? Were you standing outside?"

"Sort of. I had the roof down."

Lara teased him, "You lowered the roof in the middle of a thunderstorm?"

"What? No—I drove here with the roof down, when it wasn't raining."

She went on to further tease him, noting his lack of awareness of the storm clouds all day that day, which was a fair assessment. Dante was then on the cusp of admitting he took the risk to impress her, only stopping short when he saw that Lara was making a kissy face at her phone, specifically the controversial and fabled "Duck-Face" of yesteryear. And indeed, it was a simpler time, though still devastating to see firsthand.

"Uhhh…"

"You want to be in the picture, too?"

After she panned and snapped a selfie, she immediately complained, "Dante—you didn't even try to smile!"

Indeed, his face in the picture reflected deep abhorrence, completely dumbfounded by the current state of affairs he found himself in. Looking ahead at the slow-moving traffic, the highly indifferent driver stated, "Best I keep my eyes on the road."

Snap. "Ugh, now you look frustrated. Can't you just smile like a normal person?"

Dante borderline growled back at her, "How's this?"

Shaking her head at the serial killer-grin quickly presented to her, Lara denied, "Or perhaps, let's wait until we get to the restaurant."

Dante wanted to question the importance of the picture, but he relented and stated, "The thing is, I don't take good pictures. Never have."

"That's a shame. Being photogenic is such a useful skill. You can charm your way past security guards, become a supermodel, literally be someone's obsession, sell tasteful photos online—it's a great avenue for lucrative opportunities."

Dante was once again dumbfounded. He took it slow, "You said…you said 'be someone's obsession'?"

Lara corrected, "Well, multiple someones. Some of my agents say I have the most stalkers than any other model they've worked with!"

"Mmkay, so what about that 'tasteful photos' part?"

"Surely, you knew that already."

Dante took a deep breath. "I knew you were a magazine model. But online, too?"

Lara scoffed, "Ugh—I'm not making porno. I have to put the pictures online to getIN the magazines."

Dante sighed in relief. "Oh. Sorry for assuming the wrong thing."

"I have posed for Playboy, though."

"Sheesh…can we talk about guns now?"

-X-

Dante sighed, in present day this time. Rubbing his brows, he said, "Hold on. I need a sec."

Vergil shrugged. "It's pretty bad, but not that bad. So far, anyway."

Boiling in regret, the devil hunter grumbled, "How many times do I gotta say it—it gets worse."

Smiling slyly, the elder twin asked, "What happened? Did she tag you in an embarrassing photograph?"

Dante glared through his fingers.

"Did she order something high in price on the menu? Oh—or did she end up paying for dinner all by herself?"

"No—actually, she gave me a little lip-service under the table. During dessert."

Still smirking, Vergil waited.

The younger twin sighed again. "All right, here's what really happened."

-X-

Snap. Viewing the image, Lara approved, "Much better. You don't look like a lunatic this time. Well…less like a lunatic."

Having allowed the valet to take his car around back, Dante walked with his date to the entrance of The Versus Plate, then realizing he'd just been photographed. Seeing the image in question, he pointed out, "C'mon, I wasn't even looking that time."

Lara compromised, "You look better when you're inattentive, love."

Dante scooped and ran with that as a compliment. "Heh—you're the expert. So, you're gonna sell that one to the magazines, or what?"

Lara giggled harder than usual. "Please—this is a personal pic. I'll probably post it on my Kupo Plus."

That term sounded quite familiar to Dante. He knew someone else who dealt with this "Kupo Plus" nonsense, someone with pink hair and who played too many games…but the name was escaping him. Still, he asked, "That's, uh…some kinda app, right?"

As they waited in line, Lara fixed him with a puzzled look. She asked, "How do you not know about Kupo Plus?"

"I mean, I've heard about it—"

"Don't you have an account?"

"No," Dante said with a resolute head-shake.

"Whaaat?" Lara was absolutely stunned to hear this devastating bit of news.

"Do I…need one?" Dante didn't like where this was headed.

"Well…you said you don't like taking pictures," Lara reasoned. "But still—it's full of breathtaking artwork and even videos—not to mention, thousands of gorgeous women posting selfies at random!"

Dante inferred, "So, it's a porn site?"

Lara scoffed. Then, "Well, kind of. But it's more artistic than any sex-site, trust me on that."

Rolling his eyes, the off-duty devil hunter stated, "If I wanna see gorgeous women, I'll walk outside and talk to one."

Opening the app on her phone, Lara asked, "But could you really resist a pic like this one?"

Peeping Tifa Lockhart lying seductively on a bar counter, Dante said, "Damn."

Lara navigated to another photo. "Or how about this?"

"Jeez-Louise," he said, seeing a bikini-clad Princess Peach poke her booty at the camera.

"Or this?"

"God." Mai Shiranui plus bathtub.

"This one?"

Dante furrowed his brow. "Huh."

Lara viewed the picture currently being displayed. She explained, "Oh, that's Samus with her new boyfriend. Lord knows why they're wearing clown noses. On second thought, it may have been for a charity-event—who knows?"

Dante asked, "Why don't you show me how to set up an account?"

Lara smirked. "I knew I could convince you."

-X-

After being seated at a table, Dante and Lara went through the mentally taxing motions of attempting to set up a social media account. All Dante's life, he aspired to be a great swordsman, a peerless gunslinger, and also a professional boomer, thus, nothing made sense and everything pissed him off. It was mandatory for him to sit there, listless and blank-faced whenever Lara mentioned words like "email" or "username", it also being completely necessary for him to mutter in agonized incoherence when tasked with taking a profile picture.

Finally, when it was done, and his boomer traits were thoroughly proven, Dante found himself at zero followers while following two people: Tifa and Lara. Looking relieved that it was all over, Dante stated, "That was actually torture."

Proud of her torturous tutelage, Lara pointed out, "At least you're halfway to living like a normal Superstar."

"Yeah…hey, wait—you're not gonna follow me back?!"

Awkwardly, Lara used some extremely complicated logic, "Oh, Dante…I have over twelve million followers, a great deal of them the dregs of society. If I were to suddenly follow you, a brand new, fresh-faced, and innocent account, then I'd be unleashing all my dregs upon you, and that'd be so uncouth of me!"

"All-right," Dante uttered, knowing damn well that was expert-level game being run. Closing his phone, he then offered his analysis, "So, let's see. Judging by how you operate your own account, basically, don't follow more people than you have followers? Is that how it works?"

"What? I didn't say that."

Right on time, the waitress arrived with their drinks.

"And are you two ready to order?"

"Yes, I'll start with the carrot soup, and then just have the golden caviar this evening."

Neck-deep in foolishness, Dante smiled and thought to himself, Just one thing? Maybe she is just a simple girl.

Scribbling Lara's order, the waitress then turned to Dante, "And for you, sir?"

Flipping hardcore through that menu, Dante questioned, "I'm not seeing where you keep the onion rings…?"

"Sir, we don't have any."

"Oh. Cheese sticks?"

"No, not that either. Can I recommend the Caesar Salad?"

"Uh…does it come with croutons?"

"Yes."

"Do it. And I'll take your finest pepperoni pizza."

The waitress asked, "No soup?"

Dante shook his head. "Nah."

"The soup's free," said the waitress.

"Yeah, Dante. The soup's free." Lara seemed highly amused.

"Uh…then throw on another carrot soup, if you don't mind."

The waitress shook her head. "Sorry, we're out of that." Briefly allowing Dante to emanate pure confusion, the colorful-haired waitress then relented, "Only kidding! I'll be right back, guys! Holler if you need me!"

While Dante sighed irritably, Lara and the waitress laughed at his expense, then quickly exchanging looks of transcendent bliss before the server left for the kitchen. Definitely catching that minuscule interaction, the devilish bachelor politely asked, "So what was that? You know her, or something?"

Appearing hardly aware, Lara said, "What? Oh, no—that's just how women speak in our secret language. Nothing to worry about." She changed the subject, "So what do you actually do with your phone if you never use social media?"

"Clearly not much," Dante replied. "Usually, it's just two things: jobs and memes."

"Memes?"

"Yeah. My buddy Rocket Raccoon is always finding the funniest junk on that fancy 'interweb'."

"Your friend's name is…Rocket Raccoo—?"

"Yeah, he's a raccoon. And he talks. Really good at Aussie accents, too."

"Right, so—tell me about your job, again?"

"I run a business that takes on odd jobs," Dante proudly relayed, "most notably of the 'demonic pest control' variety."

"Oh, so you battle the supernatural?" Lara showed her intrigue. "How does a well-mannered man like you handle himself?"

Finally back in some familiar territory, Dante spoke reverently of his smokin' slick style, "Well, you know—I like to start with a little chivalry. Like a, uh, polite warning I'm gonna send them back to hell, with maybe a few complimentary bullets for the trip… I definitely love to throw in a firm kiss from the shotgun. Really makes 'em blush."

The brunette beauty found that freakishly fascinating, highly humorous, and sequentially sexy. She laughed and batted her lashes, internally affirming her own prediction that Dante might get to tap that tonight. "Oh, my. So you're a professional?"

"Hey, that's how I like to govern myself. Be it for business or a, uh…casual venture, I do like to keep it suave. And silky smooth. Goes well with a really tight schedule." Though it need not be mentioned, it shall be spoken anyway; the sexual tension was off the charts. Letting himself be devoured by Lara's look of burning desire, Dante added, "And in the end, I keep the customer satisfied."

Behold, a Lucifer rose was quickly produced, and as he politely handed it to Lara, Dante could easily tell he was getting laid tonight. As for Lara, she could easily tell she was getting laid tonight; beyond impressed, she sputtered, "Wha—how? How long were you holding this?"

Okay, here it comes, "Since the day we met, baby."

Whiffing its pleasant fragrance, Lara said of the rose, "It's quite fresh!"

Nodding, Dante added, "It's also going to explode."

"What—?"

With a low rustling, the lovely flower self-destructed into soft petals, and the lady was breathless. As a matter of fact, many of the surrounding patrons had witnessed the act, now applauding Dante's studly behavior.

The man of the hour brushed a little invisible dirt from his collar, then revealing, "Took me a long time to make that little explosion non-lethal."

Letting the lust smolder, Lara said, "Well, I'd say it was time extremely well-spent."

Suddenly, the waitress returned, presenting, "Golden Caviar for the lady, and it's still a little while before the rest of your order's ready!"

"Excellent," said the grateful tomb raider.

"Oh, wow, what an interesting dish," Dante commented, peeping the tiny bowl of tinier yellow dots sitting over an ice container.

Eating a scoop with what appeared to be an ivory spoon, Lara hummed, "Mmmm~, it's not bad, either! Wanna try some?"

"Hell…kinda." Watching her scoop up more of the yellow dots, Dante asked, "So, are they coming back with more, or is this it?"

Lara giggled. "No, this should be more than enough. Now, open wide…"

He obeyed that command in particular, letting the tiny spoon deposit the dots all over his tongue. He even made sure to suck that spoon off for better accuracy.

She instructed, "Now let the caviar break down and spread all over your taste buds…"

Smacking his lips, Dante voiced his approval, "Wow-how-how…not bad!"

"It's wonderful. I find it fun to reward myself with a little caviar every now and again. One time, I stole a bunch of caviar from a pirate ship in Ubisoft. I walked away with like, twelve pounds of it. I didn't leave my house for a month."

Now, it was Dante's turn to be charmed to the core. Chuckling emphatically, he said, "Oh, man—wish I could've seen that!"

"Ugh, it was dreadful. Tasty caviar for breakfast, all the way to lunch, and then dinner was always a blur of champagne, cheesecake, and more caviar, of course. And tacos."

"Well, I gotta admit you do an impressive job at keeping in shape."

"Yeah—can't really help it. It's like everywhere I go, I end up running and jumping around a lot, sometimes in the supermarket. Not to mention, I have a knack for killing and thieving, and shooting at large mythical creatures, so I keep my hands quite busy. Plus, I can't tell you how many times I've climbed up on high stuff, and also pulled on really tough levers, too—getting that upper body strength on point, for sure."

"I love you," said Dante.

"What?" Lara asked.

"Man, it's chaos in here! You sure you're not a…siren, or something? Feels like I'm under a spell right now, jeez!"

That loud and proud overcorrection from a visibly flustered Dante seemed to work wonders with Lara's sense of humor, for she smiled with a blush and asked, "Are you okay?"

"Peachy. Let's get refills."

-X-

"I'm gonna level with you, Dante," Vergil started. "It's sounding like you had a decent date with Miss Croft. You got there safely, you set up a social media account, and you said something about an exploding rose—what part of this date has you stewing in regret?"

"Ugh…didn't I mention what she ordered?"

"No. What was it?"

-X-

The waitress finished delivering their order, now smiling as she assured, "And I'll be right back with your refills!"

"Thanks," Dante thanked with a wink.

Craning her head, Lara asked, "Does that mean you're treating us on drinks?"

"C'mon, babe—I told ya, dinner's on me!" Dante confidently sealed his unwitting fate.

"Oh, really?"

"That's a capital Hell Yeah. So, how's that caviar treating you?"

"Oh, it is excellent—like it should be. Something tells me your job pays handsomely."

"Eh, it has its benefits," Dante thumbed his nose, still not making the connection. "The real money happens when Capcom gets involved. That's usually when they decide to make a game for profit, and of course, they cut me a check for my troubles."

"How…lucrative. Have they told you when your next game is coming out?"

The devil-hunting Superstar hesitated a bit. "They're, uh…supposedly prepping a reboot in a few years, or so."

Excited, Lara said, "Oh, you're getting a reboot, too? Look at us, about to get a whole lot younger and sexier!"

"Actually, they're not using me. They're using an alternate, uh…universe version, or something like that."

"Oh…" Lara suddenly looked solemn. "Ohhh…"

"Oh, what?"

"That kind of means you royally took the piss out of one of the higher ups. I should know; mine have already tried to have me killed. Do you know what you might've done?"

"Uh…let's not go down that road."

The waitress returned with their refills, but that didn't stop Lara from speculating, "Capcom might try to kill you quietly, so I'd watch my back if I were you."

"Heh—well, here's to hoping they're polite about it. So, when does your reboot come out?"

-X-

"Wait, you said it was 'caviar', right?" Vergil asked.

"Yeah. I said that like a minute ago."

"I don't understand how that tipped the bill over twelve hundred dollars. What were you drinking?"

"Some really expensive wine. I told ya, we got multiple refills, remember?"

Thinking deeply, Vergil then asked, "Wait, what color was the caviar?"

Dante sighed, finally giving up that dreaded detail of the story. "It was…yellow—"

"GOLDEN Caviar? Why on earth would you pay for that!?"

"Dude—I didn't know what it was!" Dante fired back defensively. "I thought it was some quick snack you get from the junk food aisle!"

Vergil deadpanned. "That one's on you. And I'm guessing when you got the bill, you wanted to weep."

"Tears of blood—I had to pull it out of my ass, Vergil."

-X-

"Well, I'm not quite a shapeshifter, but I do have a…let's say, darker side to me," the half-devil detailed, slightly slurring and flush under the cheeks.

"A demon form? Tell me, is it nearly as handsome and…well kept as your human body is?" Lara was also skating on drunk ice.

"Hey, my devil's not too hard on the eyes. But, uh, no, definitely not."

Quite amused, Lara revealed, "I dated a vampire once. He started out reasonably handsome, but as his powers grew stronger…man, he just got ugly!"

Dante got punched hard in the throat with potent laughter. Funny, smart, beautiful—if she Triple-S'd in bed, he might just have to marry this chick. Hell, he'll hit the jeweler for an A-rating, too.

She continued, "I'm talkin' scales, horns, pointy talons replacing his fingers! I mean, I don't think I'm that shallow, but gimme a break!"

"Well, fear not—I've got an excellent selection of human fingers at your disposal."

"And here's the check," said the waitress, sliding that bad boy on the table.

Grabbing it up, Dante suggested, "Ah, I think it's about time we, ah…like I was saying, I think its about time we hit the ol' wagon trail. What say you, pilgrim-lady?"

"I'm ready if you're ready, pilgrim-man."

"Sure thing, let me just handle this…"

-X-

"All my savings, pizza money, and rainy day funds—gone! Down the drain! I still haven't forgiven myself…"

Vergil coaxed his brother's tender feelings, "Come, now. Didn't you have sexual relations?"

Sighing, and smiling, Dante said, "…Yeah."

"And did she ever suspect you were panicking over that bill?"

Tapping his chin, the devil-hunter of redemption stated, "Come to think of it—no, I don't think she picked up on any of that! It's prob'ly why she let me hit it again sometime later!"

Nodding approvingly, Vergil said, "See? Even though you made a grave, costly, stupid mistake, you held it together long enough to achieve an orgasm with that extremely rich woman."

"I did, didn't I!"

"You did, Dante. So, what was it like hittin' that?"

-X-

Having just gotten away with buzzed driving, Dante felt emboldened to smooch Lara against her front door, apparently too eager to wait for her to open it. She did eventually, and their mobile make-out sesh went straight to the couch, where clothes were gradually made obsolete. He liked dealing with a nice, soft body against his hard frame—all that yin and yang shit. And when she maneuvered from beneath him, she suddenly got up and led him upstairs, and Dante kept unmatchable focus on the panty-clad booty guiding him one floor up.

So, they entered her bedroom, where Lara jettisoned her bra and panties, and also where Dante Air-Hiked from his jeans and tricked into his condom. Now, admittedly, Dante had been fighting back a certain desire to…be overly aggressive. After all, he was in the early stages of mourning, and lashing out inappropriately could cost him precious style points. He also wasn't sure when he'd be able to hook up with her again, seeing as how his account was lethally close to the red at this point in time. That being said, he still vowed to get away with some degree of insanity tonight. He owed himself that much.

So anyway, he didn't even wait for her to suck him off; he just picked her up and He-Manned it. No full erection, no foreplay, just raw strength. Now, one might think that's a bad move to start with, but on the contraire, once he picked her up with one hand, cupping one of those exquisite cheeks in the process, and also when he rammed that half-cocked dingus inside until just the balls were hanging out, the sheer rush of the situation had both fornicators floored across the Milky Way.

He started pumping and bouncing her suspended pelvis in heavy strokes, and she liked that, especially when both her cheeks got squeezed like ass-shaped balloons. What she loved was the look of quiet rage plastered on his drunken face, the smell of wine still present on his breath as they huffed and gasped each other's air. And what made her scream an F-bomb or two was how politely he shoved it deep and held it there for a hot second.

Finally, Dante had his fill of the He-Man routine, now tossing her on the nearby bed with a vengeance. He did, however, relent in his infinite rage, joining on the bed for a hot and sweaty, horizontal round of mouth-to-mouth. The half-devil of human love, showing his expertise, took a moment to observe the fine lady's corporal splendor, even giving a flattering whistle. And, as she laid into his neck with kiss after kiss, he heard the call to action ringing at max volume.

So, he returned to making Lara feel the devil in her, by way of sideways fucking. They must've liked seeing their faces, because they did this position facing each other, too. Eventually, Dante enlisted a dominant takeover with her legs up by his ears. Hitting pure pussy at this point, Dante took it slow. Though he wasn't showing it, the skins were as good for him as they were for her, so busting early was a very real hazard he'd rather avoid for the time being.

That's when Lara took advantage of his lull, kicking him backward to claim a new throne. Reconnecting with his fully saluted soldier, the tomb raiding beauty starting riding him at galloping speeds, and a little later, when she collapsed overtop her three-legged steed, Lara noted with a moan, "I can still taste the caviar."

Dante replied, "Me too!" And with that quick reminder, he went back to slaying harder than a vengeance-fueled, boss-rushing Combo-Mad reel.

-X-

"Oh, you mean the thing where you cross your arms on her back and pump hard from below?" Vergil asked in intrigue, also pantomiming the fabled technique. "Heh—I brought that move back not too long ago. Tested it out on a few NPCs, first."

"Yeah, well, the most impressive move of that night for me was when I made up reasons why I'd be missing in action. Said I had a huge business expansion with Nero, and that I'd be killing demons nonstop for an indeterminate amount of time. Man, I was something else…"

Placing a hand on Dante's shoulder, Vergil said, "Well, congratulations. You technically paid for a really expensive hooker."

Slapping his hand away, Dante countered, "Technically, I'm one of many." Spotting something in the distance, he proposed, "What say you we go lookin' for more demons to kill?"

"I'm game. Where to?"

Dante pointed to a dark and canopied part of the landscape maybe a mile away. "That forest looks creepy and ominous. Let's see if we can enhance that."

"I wager we can," Vergil said. "How about a footrace?"

"Now we're talking!" Lining up with his twin, the devil in red got ready, "On your mark, get set—no teleporting, by the way—"

"Screw you!" Vergil bid his farewell just before teleporting ahead.

"Ah, man! Cheater!"