Brooklyn Baby

by MsButterFingers

Modern AU. Rey, a stoner, Brooklyn native and free spirit. Ben Solo, a young CEO and a Manhattan dweller who comes from old money. After a chance meeting, Ben is introduced to Rey's rich inner world in Brooklyn, to a carefree life he would have never imagined. Rated for language, drug use and adult content in later parts.

13. Part 13

Hey everyone, sorry for the long wait for this last chapter (minus the epilogue). Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing from the Star Wars franchise. I also name a number of real NYC businesses, and I don't own any of those either, nor am I affiliated with them!

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part 13

"As soon as healing takes place, go out and heal somebody else."

-Maya Angelou

"Yes, I'd like to speak to the owner, please. Is he available?" Ben waited, listening. He leaned back in his chair.

"I see. When would he be available to speak with me? It's very important." Another pause. "I'd like to talk to him about making a donation. A money donation, yes." Pause. "Great. Yes, this number is fine to reach me. My name is Ben. Thank you very much."

He hung up, setting his phone down and glancing back down at his list. Sahadi's Supermarkets—check. Almost. As soon as Mr. Sahadi himself got back to him, then the transaction would be done.

The donation to Teddy's Bar & Grill was done. The donation to Gage & Tollner had been completed, too. Ditto Luna Park.

It had been challenging, at first, to make sure they understood that it was indeed a donation he was making, and not that he was trying to buy them. He tried his best to make it discrete, but once they figured out that he was Ben Solo, ex-CEO of Kylo Enterprises, that made it a bit challenging.

"No, not an offer," he'd told them all. "I don't want to purchase. I only want to provide support. No, not a sponsorship. I've retired from my company, I'm no longer CEO. I just want to make sure good Brooklyn businesses like yours stay afloat in the face of conglomerates eating small businesses alive. I only support local business now."

Ben pressed his lips together, tapping his pen against his hand. Were there any other places he was missing? Surely there were other old Brooklyn businesses that needed support. Surely he was missing more. He had more research to do.

He was determined to get this done, and done well. He couldn't half-ass it. Now that he had retired, he had an obscene excess of wealth that needed to go. It was burden on him. The wealth hoarding of his past was not who he was anymore. Destroying livelihoods wasn't, either.

The best way to prove it? To give back to Brooklyn. It was his new home, after all. And the least he could do was try his best to not gentrify it further.

And unlike the spectacles of his past, he'd asked for the discretion of the owners of these tent-pole Brooklyn businesses, to remain anonymous. He wasn't doing this for his image, nor for the PR. Those days were behind him. He just wanted to make right what people like him had done wrong for decades. There was perhaps no undoing it completely, but he'd do what he could to help.

After this, he'd make a long list of non-profits and charities to donate to next.

Ben Solo was having the most profound three weeks of his life.

In just three weeks, he had reconnected with his mother, gave away his company, and retired early. Then he bought a new house, moved out of his empty, cold shell of a penthouse, packed up all of his things, and left Manhattan for good. He also found a really good therapist.

His new place, along with his modest, functional furniture, was completely different from his old one. Instead of sterile white and black, it was mahogany and earth and life . Interesting in an unpretentious way. It represented exactly the person Ben hoped to be from now on, in this new life of his. And he'd found the place, bought it, and moved in within just three days.

In the past, he would have spent months agonizing over such a big life decision—he'd only ever been impulsive in the business world, with company decisions. But he hadn't known true impulsiveness until he'd met Rey.

He supposed it was like that saying. 'When you know, you know.'

The moment Ben had seen his new place listed online, a gorgeous brownstone home in Brooklyn Heights, he knew it like instinct that he was meant to live there. Like he was meant to be there, more than he'd ever felt in that penthouse.

That penthouse hadn't meant a thing to him. That much was clear the moment he'd moved out. He wasn't attached to it in any way. The elevator key, the valet, the remote-controlled fireplace, the rooftop jacuzzi…what did any of it matter when he had no one to share it with?

He looked back at all of those things now the way someone looks at a stranger—the Ben of the past that valued any of these things was a complete stranger to him. So much of his self-worth had been built on such shallow bullshit.

No wonder he'd hated himself. For how long had these things mattered to him? How long had they been the only thing that mattered?

Too long.

So he took all his personal belongings out of this place, this monstrous personification of his past. He took his California king size bed, all his books, and his clothes, leaving quietly to his new home. And he didn't look back.

Momentous. Reckless, even. This wasn't like Ben, not at all—and it was exhilarating.

Tasks one, two, and three were done. He'd done all of this with the new, incredible knowledge that he could do whatever he wanted with his life. Whatever he wanted . His life was entirely his own. And that revelation was extraordinary, utterly life-changing.

His own fears had held him back. The fears that told him lies, that whispered to him to destroy, to chip away only what was good for him. He would try his damnedest to stop listening to those sabotaging voices in his head. It would be difficult because after listening to them for so long, they only sounded like him.

But those thoughts were not him. They were not who he truly was. Though they were monstrous, they did not make him a monster. And he couldn't let them destroy him.

He knew what he was capable of, and he wouldn't stop now. The antithesis of his fear was bravery, to hold a sword in his hand and fight his demons head-on. To leave his dark fortress and drag himself into the light. To be so courageously himself that all his self-doubt and fear shrunk away from the light, the insidious whispers fading into a faint background hum that he could ignore.

He could do this. He knew he could, because he already had, and he continued to. It felt so good . And in moments where he was struggling, he had a therapist to call, and he helped Ben work through it and remind him of his worth.

Ben Solo had never felt so free.

Now there were just a few more things to be done, to fully step into his new and improved life. And though retiring and moving was no cakewalk, one of these final tasks would prove to be the hardest of all. Maybe even impossible.

#

"You've reached the stoner bitch of Bay Ridge. If I didn't answer, I'm either busy as shit or I don't like you. For business, leave your name, number, and your order and I'll get back to you. Anyone else, if I wanna talk to you, then I'll call you back. Or not. Don't hold your breath."

Beep.

Ben hung up. That was maybe the seventh time he'd heard Rey's voicemail message in the past week. He'd only dared calling her once a day—any more than that felt like harassment.

Even this current frequency of calling almost felt like too much, because every single time he'd called her, she didn't answer. Obviously, his calls were unwelcome.

But…well. He'd done the same to her, hadn't he? Avoided her calls for weeks, before coldly breaking things off between them? This was just a taste of his own bitter medicine, and frankly, it was deserved. Now he knew how terrible it had made her feel.

He had no right to come back into her life this way. Not when he was the one who had stabbed her in the back.

So why was he even trying?

But Ben knew the answer. He'd known it since visiting his mother, and they'd had a heart-to-heart, and she'd brought him back to himself: He loved Rey.

He couldn't stop trying until he knew—really knew, for sure —that she wanted nothing to do with him anymore. If he heard it from her mouth that she was done with him for good, then he would know, and he would leave her alone forever. That would be that. The end. Rey would be out of his life forever. And the thought was enough to make anguish fill his lungs like water.

But it was a bit challenging to hear from someone that they are 1000%, without a single doubt done with you when they refused to answer your calls.

So the silence continued. And Ben lost his mind a little more each day.

#

Ben exited the parking garage that he'd parked his car in, once again reading the directions his mother had left for him in her email before stowing his phone away in his pocket and entering the crowded subway station.

He'd returned to Long Island. But instead of returning to his old childhood neighborhood again for more monkey bread, he'd made a detour to the west end. He didn't frequent Queens often, and he certainly never went on the subway for any reason, but his mom's directions were clear enough.

And furthermore, he wanted to do this as blended-in as possible—and driving a Bentley through Queens was not the way to do that.

So he rode the E express, keeping his head down the entire time, making sure the brim of his hat shielded most of his face from view. He'd opted to go without sunglasses, figuring that wearing them inside would make him look more conspicuous. He longed for the day that he wouldn't have to shield his most recognizable features every time he went out in public. It would likely be many years before that would be possible—he wasn't a nobody yet. He couldn't wait to be nobody. The spotlight had never truly suited him after all.

When his train arrived at Roosevelt Avenue station, he hopped off and exited the station, making his way into the streets of the Jackson Heights neighborhood.

Ben had always found places like this in New York the most interesting, with much more to offer than certain areas of sanitized Manhattan. The architecture was unique, and there were a plethora of different cultures that made the area so full of life.

Leia had suggested that he start with the most populous areas, so Ben headed for 74th street, also known as Little India. He made his way past Delhi Heights, Prince Kebab & Chinese Restaurant, Butala Emporium, and Jackson Diner, which he'd heard of before. This place was absolutely packed with storefronts, with different businesses saddled so close together that it looked like Tetris.

As he continued walking, he glanced into alleyways, searching for the familiar ancient, rusty, dinged-up silver van with its' doors opened up.

Miraculously, it didn't take long. After several blocks of walking, there it was. He'd recognize that old gray van affectionately named 'The Falcon' anywhere—as well as the dice hanging off the rear-view mirror.

And then there he was, Ben's dad in the flesh. Han Solo. Interacting with a prospective customer with his signature charm, persuading them of something. He had assorted items spread out in front of him on a fold-out table—knock-off jewelry, watches, bootleg Blu-Rays, fake designer purses, the works.

Behind him, sitting in the open, sliding door of the van, were his oldest friends and most loyal business partners. First, Cassian Andor, a man of average height and build with brown-black hair peppered with gray on the top of his head along with a full beard. And second, a massive human wall of bone and muscle that everyone called Chewie. No one knew Chewie's real name, and that was how he liked it. Chewie looked scary with all his leather and the glower he wore for strangers, but Ben knew from personal experience that he was a big old teddy bear. That much was evident in all the smile lines on his face.

Ben had spent a lot of time around both of them in his youth, as much as Leia's oldest friends, Cassian's wife Jyn Andor, and Amilyn Holdo—so much that in his childhood he'd thought they were his real aunts and uncles. There was another of his dad's friends that he'd considered an uncle, Lando Calrissian, but he'd long gotten out of back-alley business after he'd won the lottery and retired in Boca Raton.

And so just as a good uncle should, Chewie was the first to notice Ben's presence in the alley, recognizing him even with his half-baked disguise. He nudged Cassian, and squinting, Cassian looked in the direction Chewie pointed.

"Is that…" Cassian started. Ben lifted a hand to wave at them. The both of them balked.

"Ben?" Chewie called. "Is that you?"

Han stopped talking in the middle of a sentence, gaze snapping up, looking at Chewie, then landing on Ben. His working-out-a-deal smirk dropped off his face immediately. He pushed past his customer.

"Excuse me," he said dismissively, approaching Ben, then staring at him as if he thought he might be seeing things.

Ben did another awkward half-wave. "Hey, dad." He wondered if his uneasiness was all over his face—he certainly felt it in his stance, his muscles stiff.

"How did you…" Han trailed off, bewildered, then started over. "What are you doing here?"

Ben got right to it, not wanting to waste any more time than he already had. Years and years of silence, all because of his stubbornness and pride. "I wanted to talk." He paused, then added, "And to apologize."

"Don't do that," Han said, shaking his head with a crooked smile. His voice had become more gravelly with age. "You don't have to do that."

"Yes. I do," Ben insisted. "I came all this way to do that. Just let me. Okay?"

He'd gathered the courage to do this at the encouragement of his therapist, and he wasn't backing down now just because Han wanted to save him the trouble. He needed to do this for the sake of their relationship. Apologies were important for closure and forgiveness, and that was exactly what they both needed to be in each other's lives again.

Han sighed as if he still thought this was unnecessary, but made a wide gesture with his hands with a lift of his brows which said, ' Go ahead. '

Ben breathed in, then out again, slow. The way his therapist had taught him. Then he said what he'd needed to say for years. "I'm sorry, Dad. For those things that I said to you, and the way I just left you and Mom like that. And I was wondering…if you could find a way to forgive me."

Silence rang in that alleyway for a moment, and then another. Feet away, Cassian and Chewie exchanged a look that Ben couldn't quite read. His face burned with shame.

Then his dad chased away all of his worries. "Son," Han clapped him on the back. "I already forgave you a long time ago. There was no need for all the pageantry."

Ben lifted a shoulder and dropped it, sheepish. He did have a flair for the dramatic sometimes.

Han finished, his grizzled grin brighter than anything Ben had ever seen, "But thanks for doin' it, anyway. I'm happy to finally see your face again."

"Well, it's not like I could have called you," Ben pointed out. "Why don't you have a cell phone?"

"And get tracked by the government?" Han said loudly, his eyes bugging. Then he leaned in, lowering his voice. "You know they read those text messages, right? That's how they get ya. They put bugs in it, and it tracks you, and it gets all your information."

And there began the conspiracy theories, that hadn't taken long. Ben sighed heavily. "Dad." He'd hoped Han had gotten over that phase in their time of silence. Apparently not. He made a mental note to find some way to block his dad's access to YouTube.

"They're probably watching us right now," Han continued, squinting up at the sky. "With drones. Takin' our photos, keepin' 'em as blackmail."

Ben shook his head. "Okay, all right, I get it. No mobile phones then." He hurriedly changed the subject. "What about a landline?"

Han pointed at him with a broad smile. "Ah, now that's more my speed."

Ben opened his phone's contacts app, and his dad gave him his newest landline number—he'd had to change it to escape the debt collection agencies for a while.

Chewie and Cassian came over, too. Cassian knocked Ben's hat off to muss his hair the way he used to, and Chewie gave him a colossal, picking-him-up-off-of-his-feet kind of hug, which he did with no effort at all because he was Chewie and he was larger than everyone in the world, even Ben.

After making a promise to call soon, and another promise to have lunch together as soon as possible at Han's favorite burger joint, Ben put his hat back on low over his face and left that shady little alleyway, feeling even lighter.

There was something to be said about freeing yourself of your burdens. Some burdens couldn't be helped, of course—like the knowledge that Ben had given up so much of his life just so Snoke could change him into what he wanted. That kind of burden would stick with him forever. But maybe the longer that Ben carried it with him, the less heavy it would feel. Maybe it would just become something he lived with, and that was okay.

Regardless, Ben still felt better leaving Queens that day and returning to his new Brooklyn house. The world outside seemed just a little bit brighter, the air crisper.

And after what had seemed like an endless summer, the very first signs of fall arriving in New York were making themselves known.

On an oak tree outside of Ben's home, there was a single leaf within reach that had turned red, standing out next to all of the green. He stretched up to pluck it from its branch, taking it inside with him to press between the pages of one of his books.

#

Ben was satisfied with making things right between him and his dad, but he couldn't stop there. There was one thing left to do, one massive thing.

The first step of said thing was to take another trip to his mother's house in Long Island early the next morning. Leia being Leia, she had already been awake and expecting him, sitting on her front stoop and nursing some steaming coffee in a mug that she'd painted herself. She looked sage and peaceful in the morning light.

She stood up to meet Ben as he came up the steps, giving him a long hug, and then handing him the object he'd come for. And when her hand brushed his, she took hold of it, encasing his hand in both of hers gently.

"Don't leave with regret," she murmured, eyes locking on his like steel. Then one of her hands on his cheek, soft. "Let yourself have this."

Ben nodded, letting himself feel the way this vulnerable, open fear fluttered in his chest.

If by some miracle this mission of his worked out, he would fight tooth and nail to never sabotage his own happiness again.

#

First, Ben returned to Sunset Park. He tried his best to recall where the little bridal shop had been, and it wasn't easy—he'd forgotten about all of the pharmacies here. But after some time, he finally spotted it next to the rolled ice cream place.

He parked and got out of his car, hoping the place was open, then nearly jumping for joy when he saw lights on inside. He reached for the door handle and entered the shop.

"Hello?" he called out.

The same small woman he remembered from the last time popped up from between racks with two customers at her side, looking at him in alarm that quickly turned into recognition.

"Hi," he said. "Do you remember me?"

"Yes, you," she said. She murmured something to the customers, presumably excusing herself, before coming over to him. "Rey's friend who isn't her boyfriend. I remember."

Heat gathered in Ben's cheeks. That was what she and Rey had talked about last time, partially in Mandarin? Right in front of him? Good lord. "Yes, that's me." He cleared his throat. "I was just wondering if she's been here lately."

"Last week," she replied, looking at him in suspicion. "Why?"

Ben didn't know how to answer that question. "I just…I was looking for her. That's all."

The woman leaned in closer to him, examining. Then she said, matter-of-factly, "You like her."

He glanced up at the two customers some feet away, and they were watching this exchange with great interest. "Yes," he admitted after a few moments. "I do. I like her very much."

A gloating smile erupted on her face, and she nodded. "I know. I always know."

Ben thanked her for her help before he left, though now he knew that this mission of his was a little too late—she'd already made deliveries to her customers this month.

So he'd have to alter his plans, then. No big deal. Maybe he should try going to her regular places around Brooklyn, in similar hopes of running into her. Maybe it would be in vain. Maybe it was pointless, or a waste of time. But he had to try. It was just like his mom had said: he couldn't end up with regrets.

In the spirit of changing his plans, next up, he made the drive to her Greek restaurant, and then to Coffee Prescription.

At both places, she was nowhere to be seen—although Richie, that slam poet, was at the coffee place performing again. After that, the Record & Tape Center: still dusty and cluttered, and no Rey.

He drove all the way up to Coney Island and wandered around, even going into Luna Park and sitting down alone on a bench there and people watching for a bit. Still no sign of Rey anywhere. Before he left, though, he got an ice cream cone, so as to not feel so much like a sad weirdo all by himself. At least he had ice cream.

#

After leaving Coney Island, Ben made the return to Bay Ridge.

But he wasn't going to show up at her doorstep when she'd been refusing his calls. It would be a massive breach of respect and privacy, not to mention might still attract the attention of paparazzi, if they were still keeping tabs on her. And he wouldn't do that to her again—especially if she didn't want to speak to him again. Thrusting her back into the spotlight against her will would've been unforgivable.

No, there was somewhere else in Bay Ridge that Ben needed to be. Especially if he wanted any chance of finding her. Because he knew her friends wouldn't respond to him, even if he knew where to find them.

No matter how much he hated it, this was his last chance.

So Ben returned to that building, trying to remember the right floor, the exact door. It took him a few guesses to find the right one, and boy there were a lot of suspicious people in this building.

But Ben knew he'd finally found the right place when after he knocked on the door, he heard the sound of several locks unbolting, and suddenly he was face to face with his uncle for the first time in several years. For better or for worse.

At first, Luke's face went slack with shock at the sight of Ben standing there—which lasted only briefly and was then swiftly replaced with a cold, impassive glare. The tone of his voice was dry. "I see you're not hiding from me this time."

Ben could feel the coldness on his own face, and though what he'd said did surprise him a little. "I see she told you." He hadn't known that Rey had told Luke about their almost run-in.

Despite his glare, Luke moved aside to let him in, which was also a little surprising. Ben had only expected to be kept out in the hallway as he asked Luke if he had seen Rey recently, and then he would be on his way.

This was already very different from how he'd imagined their reunion would go. Though wary and tense, Ben made his way inside his uncle's apartment.

"Of course she told me," Luke scoffed, slamming his front door closed, sealing them both inside what may very well become a battle cage. "She's loyal. Unlike some people."

Ben groaned through gritted teeth, "Please don't start."

"No, no. I am gonna start. I can't believe you're showing your face here after all these years. And I can't believe what you did to her , Ben. A girl like Rey. What were you thinking? Do you know what that girl means to me? Do you know what I've done to help her? To keep her safe?"

Ben was immediately on the defensive, hackles raised. "Do you know what she means to me? " What right did Luke have to say that to him when none of this was even his business?

Luke remarked, folding his arms, "Could've fooled me. You certainly didn't act like she meant anything to you. Tossing her away like you did."

Ben hated that he couldn't even argue with him on that. It was true. Dammit, it was true, and he hated it when his uncle was right and rubbed it in his face. It was like Luke was incapable of being right without making it his mission to rub salt in the wound.

He ground his teeth, falling silent for several moments. Then Ben said, "So she really told you everything."

"She needed support. And she knew I could support her after what you put her through, because…" Luke trailed off. Never finished. Ben could imagine all sorts of ways that sentence could have ended. Luke said, "Years ago, I found her a home. She was homeless before she met me. Did you know that?"

Ben's stomach stirred. "I knew she was homeless."

"Yeah? Well, I found her a reliable plug so she would stay away from shady people."

He resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Of course Luke had found her a dealer. Of course he'd know the good dealers from the bad ones.

"You know she bakes. I gave her the money to get her first set of baking supplies, to start her own business. She took it and ran with it, made some money. I watched all of this. Made sure she was safe. Made sure she made money so that she was fed. I was her first customer and helped her find more through word of mouth."

A lump rose in Ben's throat. Luke really had helped her. Before Ben had even known she'd existed.

"So for me to see you go on and treat her like that, like garbage —"

"Thank you."

Luke cut off, taken aback. "…Huh?"

"Thank you." Ben looked him in the eye. Momentarily, all the anger had left him. "For taking care of her."

Luke was stunned for a moment, then shrugged like it didn't matter to him either way. "Well, it wasn't all me. It was mostly her. She would've made it, whether I'd found her or not. She's a survivor."

"You're right. She's a scrapper. And so much stronger than she realizes, I think. But still, it was good of you to do all of that for her. I know she appreciates it, even if she doesn't tell you directly."

All Luke said to that was, "hmm," like maybe he was a little embarrassed.

Ben paused, long. Heavy. "She hates me."

"No. Not even close." But Luke paused too, considering. "But she wants to."

"I don't blame her."

"Me neither," he replied without missing a beat.

That smarted, but Ben didn't blame him for saying it. "But I'm getting my life together. I'm working on myself."

"I saw you stepped away from your company in the news. I…didn't expect that from you."

Ben didn't know if he'd meant that in a positive way or a negative one. "I need to say something."

Hearing the urgency in Ben's voice, Luke sat back against the couch cushion. "Go ahead," he prodded, wary but open to hearing what he had to say.

Ben dove right in, with no preamble. "You, my mom, and my dad were right. I shouldn't have trusted Snoke. I…should have listened to all of you. But I didn't. He…fooled me. For years. I thought he was different. I thought he had good intentions." Ben shook his head. "He ruined my life. You knew he would, you all did. You tried to help me, and I lashed out."

Something truly unexpected happened then. Luke drew closer to him, and he looked him in the eyes. Luke's eyes were distinctive—large, expressive blue. Different from Leia's, which were deep brown. Both twins' eyes were capable of telegraphing so many big emotions.

Luke's eyes could be cold, wild with rage. But right now they were soft and warm as they looked at Ben. "Ben, I…" His voice was so heavy. "I lashed out too. I lost my temper with you, and I shouldn't have. I should have been on your side. I'm sorry."

It felt so good to hear those words. And something in Ben was so relieved and so sad at the same time. All of the muscles in his body released, and a years-long weight lifted off his back. He'd needed to hear that for so long—why had it taken him so long to come here?

He was so glad he'd come.

"I'm sorry, too," Ben said, not wasting any time. "For what I said, and how I acted. And for my stubbornness."

Luke chuckled. It was grizzled and wary, but it happened. "Where do you think you get that stubbornness from? Where do you think I get that from? That's my father. That Skywalker blood. One hundred percent."

Ben allowed himself a nod, conceding that. "I guess you're right."

"Of course I am." Luke also, Ben thought, had his grandmother's heart. Whenever he actually let that of himself part be seen, Ben was reminded of his grandmother Padme's kindness. He would never tell Luke that, however. It would probably just make him sad.

"Mom misses you, you know," Ben said.

"…I miss her, too." He sighed. "She's called a few times, but I didn't answer the phone."

Ben 'hmm'ed. So his mom had taken his advice after all. "Next time, I think you should answer. I think you two should have a talk. I mean, if you and I can talk again for the first time in years and not completely bite each other's heads off, then you guys talking again after all this time is possible, too. Life's too short for petty grudges, and it's not too late to make things right." He repeated his mother's words. "When you love someone, it's never too late."

Another grudging, small grin from him—there was fondness in his eyes now. It was like how he used to look at Ben when he was a kid. When Ben would tell him some obscure fact from one of his encyclopedias, and he'd say, 'Is that right?'

"You really have grown up, haven't you?" mused Luke, almost as if to himself.

Ben didn't say anything to that, just gave a half shrug and stood up from the lumpy couch. He decided it was a good time to take his leave. If he stayed any longer, they may risk starting another dumb argument. He wouldn't overstay his welcome. Rebuilding things between them entirely would require baby steps.

"I have to get going," he said, making his way to the door. "I'm glad I came today."

"I'm glad you did, too." He paused for a moment. Then another. Then one more. He scratched the back of his neck with unease, then finally he muttered, gruff, "You…uh. You can drop by whenever you like. If you want. You're…welcome here. I hope you know that."

This warmed Ben from the inside out. It meant the world to know that. "I think I will," he replied, and he meant it.

Sudden and intrusive, Ben thought of stopping by with Rey, when she made her monthly edible delivery to him. If Rey let him back into her life, that is. If she ever wanted to see his face again. Before Ben stepped out of the apartment, he stopped in the doorway, turning back to Luke. "Can I ask you one last thing?"

Luke gave him an affirmative nod, walking closer and folding his arms—in a different way now, though. Not in a closed-off, guarded way. More like in a 'this is my default standing position' way.

He'd almost forgotten. Odd, considering this was the whole reason he'd come here in the first place. He'd never thought he and his uncle would patch things up between them in a million years. But stranger things had happened.

So Ben asked, "Would you happen to know where Rey is today? Any chance at all?"

"Maybe. Depends on why you want to know where she is."

"There's just…something I have to do."

"Have to?" Luke echoed.

"Have to," Ben confirmed. He wondered if the gravity of what he said was obvious, or if it just felt heavy inside his mouth. "Something very important."

The word 'important' in that statement was doing some extremely heavy lifting. What he had to do was something so important that his entire life depended on it, moving forward.

He didn't want to say all of that out loud, though. His uncle already thought he was dramatic.

Luke looked at him for a long time. Deliberating. Squinting. Weighing his options. Considering Ben's intentions. Then he let out a big sigh. Relenting. "It's the last weekend North Brooklyn Farms will be open before they close for fall and winter. She…might have mentioned going there with her friends. Check there."

Ben didn't have time to thank him—he about-faced, immediately leaving Luke's apartment and shutting the door behind him. He ran all the way to the stairs, nearly bumping into a man that looked vaguely familiar.

The man turned to him as Ben flew past. "Big Waffle has brainwashed the public, you know," he said. "They'll have you believe you can only eat waffles for breakfast."

Crap, it was the waffle guy. Ben ran even faster. He heard the man's shout echo down the stairwell from far above: "YOU CAN EAT WAFFLES AT ANY TIME!"

Ben exited the building, hopped back into his car, and googled 'North Brooklyn Farms'. He did just that, and—nuts. It was all the way across town, in Williamsburg . On even a good traffic day, it'd take over an hour to get there, and traffic today was absolutely killer.

He'd have to hurry if he wanted to make it there before sundown.

---

Rey was in the midst of figuring out her new life.

After experiencing the kind of heartbreak she'd only ever experienced once before—the kind that divided her life into a Before and an After—she'd become someone new, and her world was new, too. And ever since, she'd been trying to figure out exactly who this New Rey was, gathering the pieces of herself back together again.

She'd finally stopped eating only Takis and bacon egg and cheese, and had been able to return to a much more normal, balanced diet, which her digestive tract thanked her for. And The Clash had been replaced with the rest of the stuff she normally listened to in her vinyl collection, which had begun to collect dust.

She even started regularly hanging out with her friends again instead of preferring moody solitude. And day by day, she began to hurt less. A dull kind of soreness, instead of jagged agony.

But she had gone through such profound inner change that even the places they had been hundreds of times before looked different now, too. It was a different world—a cold, echoing world without Ben Solo in it.

And no matter how much she loved being with her friends again, no matter how much she tried to push him from her mind, she still felt his absence everywhere she went.

Her beloved Brooklyn felt wrong without him now, which made her so angry—Brooklyn didn't belong to him. It was her home. He had no claim on this place. And she hadn't been back to Manhattan, not even to club. She'd never be able to go to Manhattan ever again.

Maybe she should move, she'd thought once or twice. Find some new place to live that didn't remind her of him constantly. But no, she'd think immediately afterward. Absolutely not.

She couldn't just abandon this place. It wasn't his. It was hers . And she needed her wolf pack. This place was as much a part of her as her own name.

As were her wolf pack's many Brooklyn traditions.

"Hey, you guys wanna visit Thain Family Forest next weekend?" Finn asked the whole group. "I bet the fall leaves will look really cool by then. And we missed them last year."

"Finn, leaf-peeping is for old people and tourists," Poe said. When Finn turned his head to glare at him, Poe ducked closer to the ground. "Hey, hey! Don't move! They'll see me!"

Poe was currently desperately trying to stay out of sight from his two exes across the way. They apparently had bonded over getting ghosted by him—they looked like best friends now.

Finn snipped back, "It's not my fault your shitty dating habits make you public enemy number one with half the population of New York." He gestured to the people Poe was so paranoid over—a short, blond, stylish girl, and a really cool, really tall guy with dark skin and locs. "If you're so worried, just go over there and apologize."

"And get my ass kicked?" Poe retorted. "No way!"

"I doubt he would start a fight with you over getting ghosted," Rey piped in with an eye roll.

"No, not Oliver. Please . He's a vegan and a pacifist. Wouldn't even swat a mosquito. I'm talking about her ."

Rose snorted. "The short girl? She's even smaller than me."

"Don't judge. Tallie's freaky strong. If you saw what she did to a creep in a club once, you'd be terrified too."

"Ugh, okay, I can't with you," Rose said, turning away from him and facing Rey, fanning herself with her hand and bemoaning, "I'm so thirsty." The sun was beating down even more intensely today, the last lingering dregs of summer giving one final hurrah before the cold officially took over until spring. "Rey, do you want some lemonade? I'm gonna go get some."

Rey stood from her spot on their picnic blanket, her sneakers squishing in the grass. "Yeah. I'll go with you," she said. Any excuse not to stay there and continue watching Poe's antics.

Finn told Rey he didn't want anything from the lemonade stand when she asked, then resumed his amused arguing with Poe.

"You want anything, Jannah? Paige?" Rose asked the two. "Rey and I are getting lemonade."

They looked startled at the question, like they had completely forgotten anyone else was there with them. "Oh! None for me, thanks," Jannah Calrissian said with a grin.

Paige Tico said eagerly, "Strawberry lemonade pop, please and thanks!"

"Got it," Rey replied.

Immediately the two went back to their own little bubble, fawning over one another and laughing at each others' jokes. As if they hadn't just traveled the world together for two years, and gotten engaged in Paris .

They were all happy for them, though. Their engagement had been such a long time coming, having dated since being introduced years ago. Jannah had been Rose's roommate at NYU. The day Rose had introduced the two when Jannah attended the Tico family's Thanksgiving dinner, they were immediately inseparable.

They just made sense together, after all. Jannah was a painter, and Paige was a writer. They spent all their time making wonderful art together and traveling. What a life.

And they were adorable, the cutest couple around—or maybe tied with Rose and Finn. Which made Poe and Rey the fifth and sixth wheels today, respectively. All the combined cutesy couple happiness only made Rey feel a little bitter.

It was a beautiful day at Williamsburg's North Brooklyn Farms, after all.

They would be closing up soon. They normally closed up shop for fall, but there had been whispers that the owners hadn't renewed their land permit and planned to move to upstate. It would be a shame if they left. Brooklyn wouldn't be the same without them. And Rey couldn't stand any more loss.

Rey and Rose approached the lemonade stand, and the person running it, who had a big purple afro and wore a t-shirt that read 'SIMP FOR NICK MILLER', said to them with a grin, "Hey! What can I get for you two?"

"Chamomile lemonade, and a strawberry lemonade popsicle, thanks," Rose said, turning to look at Rey.

"Cucumber lemonade for me," said Rey.

"Coming right up!" the lemonade stand runner said, turning to gather both of their orders.

They only waited for a minute or two, and then they were handed their cool, refreshing treats as Rose handed over the payment, and they exchanged 'have a nice day's.

At first, they headed in the same direction, but then Rey's gaze wandered over to the other booths, and she broke away. "I'll meet you back over there. I'm gonna go look through the market," Rey called out to Rose as she left.

"Got it!" Rose called back, heading back over to the friends' picnic blanket, rushing as her sister's popsicle began to drip down her hand.

"Rey!" came a sudden voice from the opposite direction. Rey spun around, searching for who had called her. She saw her immediately, stomping toward her with her regular confident gait, her dealer: Kaydel Connix.

"Kay! Good to see you," Rey greeted as she met her halfway.

Kaydel threw her arms around her as she usually did. "Bring it in, bitch," she greeted as she yanked Rey into a hug. Rey laughed, hugging her back. Then Kaydel pulled back abruptly, bracing both hands on Rey's shoulders and looking at her very seriously from under her brows. "You got my cut for this month?"

"Not with me. I'll Venmo you tomorrow," Rey assured her. "I've had tons of orders the past few weeks. Business has been good."

Kaydel grinned, pleased. "There's my boss bitch. Swear to God, if I start another business, and I need a business partner, I'm calling your ass first."

Rey would agree to that partnership if she weren't almost positive that Kaydel was on at least a few countries' most-wanted lists. Kaydel was a total enigma and had so much social power that it was slightly scary. But pretty admirable. She had connections , and with the most unexpected people.

The two of them also been bed buddies once, just for one drunken night. It was fine, if a bit underwhelming—Kaydel hadn't been a very giving partner. Their loose business arrangement now was much more preferable.

She let go of Rey's shoulders, one hand taking out her phone from her pocket, fingers tapping away, her long mauve acrylic nails clicking against the screen. Updating her spreadsheet, no doubt. Kaydel had a complicated web of customers. "And besides," she added, "I need an extra boost. Next week I'm getting new Jimmy Choos for my trip to Cabo."

"Of course you are," Rey teased. "I wouldn't expect less."

"I do have a personal brand to maintain," Kaydel replied, tilting her head thoughtfully. Her signature giant moon buns stayed firmly in place, decorated with hair glitter, making them look like Milky Way swirls full of stars. "Anyway, good to see you out. Let's catch up over brunch soon."

"As long as bottomless mimosas are involved."

"Wouldn't be brunch without it," said Kaydel. She kissed the air by Rey's left cheek, her other, then she trotted off in her stilettos on the grass with a finger-fluttery wave over her shoulder. "Bye bitch."

"Bye bitch," Rey said back with a snort, then turned back toward the mini farmer's market and ventured toward the fruit and veg tented booths, taking a gulp of her drink. It was deliciously cold, refreshing in the muggy hot air.

There was no shortage of community garden-grown produce in the market today. Strawberries as big as Rey's palm, watermelons that were orange inside instead of red, which Rey eagerly ate a sample of, plenty of plump tomatoes, and a mountain of ripe avocados which were selling fast—Rey snagged a few for toast.

"Get your zukes!" The loud call from the familiar voice caught Rey's attention as it usually did.

Rey padded over to the zucchini booth with a smile, and she was greeted by the longtime regular with heart. "Rey, love! My little baked baker. All right?"

"Hey, Phasma," she replied. "Yeah, I'm doing fine. How's the latest harvest?"

"Hearty," Phasma said with pride, running a hand over her blonde, asymmetrical haircut, which laid down flat today instead of sticking up in a sky-high mohawk. "The biggest I've ever grown. Tastiest, too."

She was a tall, tall woman—made even taller by the shiny silver platform boots she was wearing, and her usual mohawk—with a throaty, booming voice and striking blue eyes. She always dressed in superb thrifted 80s punk looks, ripped denim and leather even despite the heat, with safety pins in her earlobes and hoops in her brows and bottom lip. Despite her punky aesthetic, she had an inherent elegance to her that gave her the presence of an aristocrat. Maybe it was her crisp, posh British accent, more BBC than Liverpool. Rey found it comforting to listen to when she spoke to her.

Rey's parents had been from England, too. Maybe Rey'd had an accent more like theirs, a very long time ago. Being born on American soil and being surrounded by Americans her whole life had leeched most traces of that accent, leaving just a memory of it encased in whatever vaguely transatlantic-mixed-with-Brooklyn accent she spoke with now. She wished she could remember how exactly they sounded.

"Nice." Rey balanced her nearly-empty lemonade cup in the crook of her arm, digging out a few dollars from her pocket. "Sold. Give me a real beastly one."

Phasma took the money and with a wink, she slipped one of the biggest ones into Rey's reusable tote bag for her. "Appreciate your patronage, as always. You're one of my favorites. Take it easy," she said, then immediately switched back to customer-fishing mode with a booming, salesman shout of, " Get your zukes! Zukes here!"

Rey wandered away, taking a glance at a few more booths and finishing off the rest of her lemonade. When she passed by a trash can by the specialty wines booth, she tossed her empty cup inside.

After passing through the rest of the little market, she decided to circle back toward her friends on the lawn. And as she made her way there, she caught a glimpse of a few of them in the crowd—Jannah and Paige, talking to a small group of people. A girl pointed to Paige's hand, and in response, Paige and Jannah both held up their hands together, showing off their matching rings.

Oh, of course—more congratulations on their engagement. News spread fast over social media, and of course there were more people who wanted to congratulate them in person once they'd returned to Brooklyn.

Rey stopped walking, just stood and watched them from a distance as they basked in it, the both of them positively glowing with bliss. They were so happy.

Rey was happy for them. So happy. She was so glad they'd found each other. Wistful, she wondered what it was like to be that happy.

Maybe one day, she'd find someone. Maybe she'd get on Tinder again, or one of the other, less sketchy dating apps. It had been ages since she had put herself out there. She just needed to try again, try harder. Like not kicking them out of her apartment immediately, or actually calling them when she said she would. Maybe date some people that she would have never given a second glance before. A bunch of people that weren't her type. And what was her type, anyway? She'd thought she had a type, but maybe she never did.

So she would try new things. Get out there again. Go on some bad first dates until there was a good one. Try not to get ghosted. But then if she did, she'd try again. Go on more bad dates, until finding someone else decent. Hope that that decent person might be someone she could actually see herself spending time with, and hope that they would stick around long enough for her to find out.

Then they might keep going on dates, and maybe things would get more serious. She would tell them about her past, her parents…and maybe they wouldn't get spooked and run. Maybe they would introduce her to their family. And maybe they would like her.

Maybe Rey could have a new family one day, in-laws that would love her as much as her parents had—or almost as much. Rey did want to get married someday. She did, she realized it now. She'd never thought marriage was right for her, but that was Before.

She was different now. Different things mattered to her.

Maybe Rey would find the person she'd marry on a dating app, like those Tinder success stories people hear through friends of friends. Maybe they'd really fall for one another. Maybe she could be happy with someone again.

Maybe they could…maybe Rey would…

…

…No.

Rey watched as Jannah gathered Paige in her arms, nuzzling her hair and kissing her forehead. A hollow, despairing realization settled onto her shoulders and whispered in her ear like the simplest truth.

No. She would never find anyone else. She could never spend her life with anyone else but him. She'd already envisioned their futures together a hundred different ways.

There was no one else like him in this world.

Rey would love Ben Solo until the day she died. Maybe even after that. Maybe even forever.

#

After wandering around a bit more to settle her mind, Rey returned to the wolf pack's picnic blanket, quiet and bowled-over after her sobering realization.

Currently, Poe was frantic, tugging on Finn's arm, trying to get him to sit back down—apparently, he was threatening to go over to Poe's exes himself and apologize on Poe's behalf, which was a really terrible idea. Rey didn't intervene, though. Too absorbed in her own thoughts.

Rose returned to the blanket along with Jannah and Paige, and the three tried to engage Rey in conversation, too.

"What was the Mermaid Parade like this year?"

"Oh yeah, the parade! I hate that we missed it."

"It was sooo good. This year, there was a group of zombie mermaids, there were a ton of pirate mermaids, and there was a new group of goth mermaids too—"

Rey couldn't follow what they were saying—her attention kept floating away.

But at some point, Rose's voice broke through the fog in Rey's head. "What do you think, Rey? You up for it?"

Rey's gaze snapped to her. "Sorry, what?"

Paige said patiently, "We want to walk to Manhattan on the bridge since it's still nice out. And in a few weeks, it might be too cool to walk there."

Her brain was still trying to catch up. "Manhattan? Right now?"

"Yeah, we thought it'd be fun. Since we're already over here," Jannah replied with her broad, infectious smile. "You in?"

It made sense that Paige and Jannah wanted to visit Manhattan after they'd been gone so long. They looked so excited to go, and they earnestly wanted Rey to come along too. She didn't want to be a party pooper and disappoint them, despite how she was feeling now.

So she'd return to Manhattan for a few hours. It would be fine. It wouldn't kill her. There were almost two million people in Manhattan, anyway. What were the chances of her running into him? Small? Very small? Rey hinged all her hopes on that and gave in.

"Sure," she said. "Let's go."

After filling in the quarreling Finn and Poe of their new plans, the two eagerly agreed to come along—especially Poe. Apparently, the exes had spotted him after all, due to the ruckus, and they were currently glaring at him in disgust. Suddenly what Poe had said about Tallie made total sense. Her eyes called for his blood. Rey certainly wouldn't want to be on her bad side.

Rose packed up her extra-large picnic blanket back into her backpack, volunteering to pack away Rey's tote bag inside too, so she wouldn't have to carry it the rest of the day. Then they all left North Brooklyn Farms.

As they walked away, Rey took one last glance back at the little country-side style oasis in the middle of the city. The little market, the large lawn full of people sitting on blankets, sun-bathers on beach chairs, and people playing lawn games and blowing bubbles. The little wooden stage for performers on Friday nights.

She hoped it wouldn't be the last time she saw this place this way, so full of life. But just in case it was, she snapped a quick picture on her phone. Capturing this moment in time while it still existed, immortalizing it.

The wolf pack made their way half a block down Kent Ave, coming up to south 5th Street and crossing over. Arriving at the Williamsburg bridge, entering through the pedestrian entrance, they climbed the stairs up to the walkway.

The bridge had two pedestrian walkways, one on either side of the subway tracks down below. It was high above the bridge's road for the cars below, the smell of exhaust and sounds of traffic drifting up from under the pathways. The walkways were caged in for safety, surrounded by red steel bars and compact steel mesh, but it still allowed for walkers, joggers, and bike riders to see the gorgeous view of the East River and the Manhattan skyline beyond. The steel suspension bars above were littered with graffiti and stickers.

The pedestrian part of the bridge was a bit crowded today, with locals coming both ways from Manhattan and Brooklyn. It was rare to see tourists on this bridge—most of them flocked to the more iconic Brooklyn or Manhattan bridges. The Williamsburg was the preferred transportation bridge of people that actually lived here.

And again, it was a beautiful day for this.

But Rey could hardly focus on how beautiful it looked—her mind was still on him . And she hated that she couldn't stop thinking about him.

She'd known Ben for such little time, only for a summer—and yet, the night they first met, it felt like they'd already known each other for years. Decades. Lifetimes.

But he'd hurt her. He hurt her so bad.

He'd been calling her a lot lately, but she hadn't been able to bring herself to answer his calls. What would she even say? Hell, what was he calling her to say?

What more could he possibly have to say to her after what he'd done? They were done. They were over for good and out of each other's lives, just like he wanted.

And whatever it was he wanted from her now, she couldn't let herself give in. She knew she deserved better than someone who thought that she was too much to handle. Or maybe it was just that he thought she wasn't good enough for him. Not rich enough, not elegant and classy enough to be on his arm at his fancy parties, like that gala he'd just thrown a month ago that was all over the news.

Either way. He'd made himself perfectly clear: She had no place in his world. Even after she'd made space in her world for him.

She'd already made the mistake of getting into his car that day he'd come to her work searching for her, so long ago now. She'd been prepared to never see him again then, after finding out who he was at his party. She'd given him a second chance, gave him a chance to show her who he truly was, and she should've just kept him away.

Instead, she'd let him in. And now he haunted her.

Images of them together would never leave her head, and the feel of his skin was branded into hers forever.

She wished she could hate him for what he did. But she would never be able to hate him. She missed him, but part of her hoped for her own sake that she would never see him again.

Because though she hated even the thought, she knew for certain that if he came back—if she saw him today, right then and there—she'd be a fool for him again in a heartbeat.

She would sell her soul to kiss him one more time, to do everything over again, and to do things right this time. To love him wholly and completely, unafraid and without barriers or stupid rules. To wake up next to him every single day, and tell him she loved him with every breath.

With that humiliating, crushing realization, she dropped her phone. It slipped out of her hand and fell against the pavement below with a loud and messy clatter, an ominous sound that made her sure that it had broken in some way.

"Shit," she muttered, turning around and hastily bending to retrieve it. The thick crowd of people parted like water around her as she picked up her phone. Its lime green case had protected the back, but the screen wasn't so lucky—cracked, just as she'd suspected.

She hissed, standing back up as she examined it. Damn it. There was no working around that big and fibrous of a crack without it potentially cutting her fingers every time she used it. It was totally ruined. She'd have to get it repaired, or worse, get a whole new phone. Which she'd have to dip into her savings for.

Annoyed at her moment of clumsiness and honestly a little saddened—her phone had been with her for perhaps too long, but it still worked just fine, and she was sad she'd potentially have to let go of it—she stowed it into the back pocket of her cutoff shorts, glancing up.

She had been prepared to turn back around and catch up with her friends, who probably hadn't noticed that she had fallen behind. But something had immediately stopped her from doing so.

Because like a specter, like a dream, like a hallucination, there he was. Right there.

Standing yards away, among the crowded current of bodies on the Williamsburg Bridge walkway. Wearing an uncharacteristic casual white t-shirt with black jeans, black hair wild and untamed in the hot breeze. Flushed and out of breath, looking like he'd been running, and staring right at her already. Frozen where he stood.

Ben Solo.

---

She stooped over, picking something up from the ground as the crowd of people parted around her—her phone. She'd dropped it. If she hadn't stopped because of that, he probably wouldn't have been able to catch up to her at all.

Tanned, freckled skin. Hair loose, rogue strands glowing in the golden orange sunset that streaked across the Williamsburg Bridge and the expanse of the city. Round sunglasses perched on top of her head. Sharp hazel eyes, brow furrowed and button nose squinched up in annoyance, the hoop in her left nostril glinting in the light. The heart monitor tattoo over her heart, visible just under the strap and scoop of her olive green tank top. The worn combat boots she'd been making her way through the world in for years.

After so long, it was like seeing Rey for the first time all over again.

At the sight of her, Ben's own heart somersaulted and rattled against his ribs. It made him dizzy. It hurt . He couldn't breathe.

She was so, so beautiful. She stood back up, glaring down in frustration at the device that she cradled between her hands as if it were a wounded bird, appearing to curse under her breath.

Oh, God. Oh, fuck. Ben had never loved anyone like this in his entire life. This was his person.

He couldn't just stare at her from afar, lurking there like some stalker creep. He'd come here for a reason: To complete The Great Ben Solo Apology Tour. And this was the really, really big one, the one he really couldn't fuck up.

It was time. And if this went badly, he would do her a favor and leave her alone for good, and become a bitter old bachelor for the rest of his days. He wasn't sure he was fully ready for this, for the possibility of being rejected by her once and for all. But he was here regardless.

So he approached her.

Rey put her phone away in her pocket, then looked back up—and it was almost uncanny how immediately her eyes found him. She saw him, and the look in her eyes momentarily stopped him in his tracks.

Eyes wide and sharp, she stared at him like she couldn't believe what she was seeing in front of her. Then her nostrils flared, and her mouth opened—then it snapped shut, her jaw tight. Her glare was wild, piercing him like a knife.

Slowly, he continued approaching her, weaving through the crowd. He finally stopped a safe few feet away from her, not entirely sure that she wouldn't punch him if he came any closer.

They stared each other down for what felt like an eternity.

There was so much he needed to say. Ben knew that he would have to be the one to break the tense silence. So he did.

"I'm a dick," was the first thing he said.

It took Rey a very, very long time to answer.

So long, in fact, that Ben was positive that she was just going to stand there glowering at him until the end of time. Until New York City no longer existed, until humankind itself was extinct and all that was left of the Earth was mountains of garbage and rivers of magma.

But finally, she spoke, her tone terse and her jaw clenched. "…What are you doing here?"

His jittery, nervous explanation was the equivalent of word salad. "Your friend! At the uh—the place, with the grass and the people and the—the farm place! She—that lady at the vegetable stand, um, tall, blonde, British accent, z-zucchinis—"

Why couldn't he make the right words come out? What was he saying? Was he having a stroke right now? Rey continued staring at him, stonily watching him flounder, and oh God, he was already fucking this up.

"I uh—I was asking around, and she told me she'd seen you and your friends come up this way. So I came here looking for you—I've been looking for you all day. To say that I'm sorry," was what rushed out his mouth next, before she could leave and he never had the chance to say it. "I'm so, so sorry, Rey."

Her voice was distant. Cool. Indifferent. "For what?"

"Everything."

She didn't respond to that. Her terrifying silence held depths, spoke volumes. 'Not good enough,' it said.

He tried again. "For the way I broke things off between us, and for even doing it in the first place. And for everything that I said. It was a lie. What we had meant everything to me. It still means everything to me."

Suddenly, Rey turned on her heel. "I have to go, my friends are probably looking for me." She started to walk away.

Desperate, Ben blurted, "I quit."

Rey stopped walking. Slowly, warily, she turned back around, confusion written all over her. "What?"

"I quit my job," he explained to her. "Left the company to my head employee. Retired. Left it all behind." He assumed she had been avoiding any stories about him in the news, and that was why she hadn't heard. He didn't blame her, there. Because the last time he had been in the news this much it was because of their scandal, and it had nearly ruined her life.

This had finally caught her interest. Her eyes were huge. "You…you did what? "

Ben nodded at her, encouraged by her receptive response. "You heard me."

"But…why did you do that?" She frowned. "I…I thought you loved your job."

"I hated it," he said. "It was killing me. It killed who I was, and everything I wanted. It consumed my entire life." He added, quieter, "You were right, Rey. About everything."

She blinked, then shook her head, perplexed. Like she couldn't believe what she was hearing.

He kept going, emboldened. "And I left Manhattan. I moved out of my penthouse. Sold it. There was nothing there for me anymore. Because everything that I want is here. In Brooklyn."

Rey held up her hands. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down. Just hold on a second. You…you moved? To Brooklyn?"

"Yeah."

"When?"

"Last week," he stated.

Rey took this information in, grasping her forehead in her hand. "So…you just…live here now? Just like that?"

"Yeah. In Brooklyn Heights." He half shrugged, having the awareness to look sheepish about it. "I told you I liked it there. It's my taste."

"Brooklyn Heights," she intoned. Rey shook her head, scoffing. "God, you would. Of course you would."

"Of course," he said. "It's the perfect place to live. Objectively."

She rolled her eyes. "Let me guess. You got a brownstone."

"I obviously got a brownstone."

Rey's head lolled back in exasperation. "Ugh."

He was finding it hard not to smile—this felt suspiciously like banter. The same way they'd go back and forth before. Before he'd screwed everything up. But he was afraid to hope. He didn't want to jinx it.

"Don't be a snob, Rey," he said. "A place doesn't require dirt and decay in order to have character. It can also be clean and not be falling apart, and have central air conditioning."

Rey snorted. "So overrated."

"Not during a heatwave, if you'll recall."

"…Well," she conceded. But at the reminder of the A/C unit he'd bought for her months ago, she shifted, some of the tension returning to her stance.

Ben hurried on. "Brownstones are historic. And nice looking. Brooklyn Heights has a community, nice neighbors and shit, which surprisingly I can admit I like. And real beauty. Like trees, and families." He paused. "And it's twenty minutes closer to you."

Rey turned away from him again. "Don't do that. I'm still upset with you." Her face was still guarded, unreadable.

And suddenly her group of friends—Poe, Rose and Finn, and two women that he hadn't met before—appeared out of the crowding of people a few yards behind her. They all saw the two of them talking and stopped where they were, whispering amongst themselves, most of them glaring directly at him.

Of course they knew what he'd done. And somehow he hadn't considered before now that they'd be witness to this. Which meant that he had to win them back, too, or risk getting his ass kicked. Double the pressure.

It was impossible to tell how this was going so far—and that thought terrified Ben even more, knowing what he was about to do. But he'd come all the way here. He had to go for broke, do this right, or it would haunt him for the rest of his days.

"I know you are," he replied. "I deserve that, after what I did. And there's no pressure, at all, in me telling you all of this. I just wanted to let you know. Because it was killing me, not talking to you."

"Well, you deserved that too," she said over her shoulder. She was looking ahead at her friends. Rose was gesturing for her to come back over, to walk away, to leave him behind.

He hoped she wouldn't leave. He still had so much to say. A lump caught in his throat. "You're right."

Instead of rejoining her friends, she whirled and faced him again, her voice lit with intensity now. "You hurt me."

He met her aching gaze. "I know I did. I'm so sorry."

She went on. "It hurt me that you didn't want me involved in your mess. I wanted your mess. Wanted you to let me take it on, make it my mess too. To help you deal with it. Because that's what you do when you love someone, Ben."

At the reminder of how fiercely she loved him, so fearlessly and boldly, his heart shuddered and rioted in his chest. "I know," he whispered. "I know that now."

She whispered back, "Why didn't you let me?"

"Because I'm a coward."

Ben's unflinching honesty took her by surprise—her head snapped back a little. It reminded him so much of when he'd showed up at her Apple store after the night they'd first met, to ask her out and to tell her that she was so different from everyone he'd ever met and he couldn't stay away.

Under her cutting hazel gaze, something unexplained and unspoken in the expanse of air between them, nothing had changed—and yet, everything had changed. His entire life had changed. And it was so much better.

Her anger had faded now, by a lot. But now she looked like she didn't know what to think of this moment. So he kept going.

"I've been thinking about what you said to me before." Ben's voice wavered, thinking of the words she'd said to him before leaving that empty cafe. "Every single day. I've tried the whole living without you thing. Turns out it's the worst. Because my life sucked before you."

Rey looked away from him again, swallowing hard and folding her arms. People were beginning to walk slower past them, to gather near them. Shamelessly watching and listening to all of this with interest.

Ben forced himself to ignore them. "I've made a lot of mistakes in my life," he said to her. "But pushing you away was, by far , the worst mistake I've ever made."

Rey stood very still, but her bottom lip quivered, and Ben's breath heaved.

He continued on. "But I broke my pinky promise to you, and I'd understand if you hated me. And if you never want to see me again after this, then I'll leave you alone and go on with my life."

He took a singular, very careful step toward her. Testing the waters. She didn't move away.

"And you'll go on with yours. And I'll avoid your favorite park, with the pretty trees and the playgrounds and all the elderly people. I won't go to your frozen yogurt place, or your weird hipster draft beer bar where we kissed for the first time, which I'll never forget about for as long as I live. I'll never set foot in that Greek place ever again, even though their steaks were slightly life-changing and you wanted to rub my face in that fact, but you didn't, which was nice of you."

Rey's jaw worked. He could have sworn that she was trying to keep from smiling. Oh, how the tables had turned.

"I'll go out of my way to avoid your favorite dusty record store, where I got that Neil Young tape, which is the only album I've been able to listen to lately." He whispered as if telling her a secret, "Heart of Gold reminds me of you."

She allowed it, commenting nonchalantly with a nod, "One of his best."

"Agreed," he said. "And I'll never, ever go to any Apple Store again. I'll just order stuff online. Simpler that way, anyway. No lines, no waiting time."

"Ben." The way she said his name was dry—but there was something there. A sparkle in her eye, a flash of humor across her face.

It made Ben draw closer to her, not enough to overwhelm her, but close enough to see her freckles. "I'll find my own way eventually. I'll survive—not well. Barely, maybe. And half alive," he told her, shaking his head. "But I'll make a new life here. Because if I can't have you, at least I can have this place that you love so much. This place that I have no choice but to love now, because it was the place where I fell for the love of my life."

The small gathering around them erupted all at once—loud gasps, and some squeals and 'aww's. Complete strangers reacting, absorbing their exchange openly, and Ben didn't even care anymore. Rey was all he could see.

Rey was last to react, cemented to her spot, face flushed a deep red. "…What did you just say to me?"

This time he said it gently. "You heard me."

Rey's lips trembled, and her eyes shone as her jaw worked again—this time to keep herself from crying. And her voice was so, so soft, and so full of hope when she asked him, "Are you sure?" This wrecked him.

He nodded, a smile playing at the corners of his lips. "I'm very, very sure."

The way she stared at him now was unfathomable. "You…you love me?"

"I love you," he said, even and matter of fact. He kept going. "And before, I was scared of being happy. Because I didn't think that I deserved it. I still don't think I deserve to be happy, but I'm trying."

"Of course you deserve to be happy," Rey whispered heatedly.

Ben accepted this with a nod. "It's my first instinct, to question the good that happens to me and reject it. But I'm trying my best to not do that anymore. To try to…embrace the good. And the happy, and the simple. Learning to actually do things that make me happy daily, the way that you do so easily. To enjoy life the way that you do. And it was so wrong to treat you the way I did. It was unfair, and it was cowardly, and I'm sorry."

This time, Rey stepped forward. "Ben, I swear to God, stop saying that you're sorry."

Ben stepped toward her once again, even closer now, and he had to bend his neck to gaze into her eyes. "I'll never stop saying it." He put his hand in his pocket, grasping onto the treasured object there. "I know you can survive life without me. You already did before we met, for so long. I know you don't need me. But I don't think I could survive without you, Rey. And if you decide you do want me around after all, I swear it, I will never leave your side. You'll never get rid of me. And you will never, ever be alone agai—"

"Ben?" Rey interrupted.

Ben cut himself off, surprised. "Uh. Yes?"

"Shut up," she said. The size of her smile practically split her face in half, and with the back of her hand she swiped tears from her cheeks—he had made her cry again . But different from the last time. Happier. "Okay? Just for a second. I need to say something."

Ben stopped. Then he laughed. And he let the whole world see and hear it. "All right. Go ahead."

She started, "First off, I forgive you." Ben breathed out in relief. "And secondly…" Rey trailed off. She paused for a long few moments, taking a few deep breaths—looking like she was trying to calm herself down.

Or maybe she was psyching herself up to do something. Ben couldn't quite decide which. Then shakily, she dropped down to her knees at his feet, and Ben had his answer.

And though unexpected moments were not unheard of when it came to Rey, even comparatively, in this moment, she said something absolutely out of left field. "Marry me, Ben."

The people around them erupted again—this time with shock and excitement. Her friends were the loudest of everyone, and they clamored to get closer.

Ben's mouth fell open, and he choked out, "Rey…wha—"

"I know this is crazy," she interrupted again. Her voice was clear and strong. Determined. Resolute. "I know this is impulsive. I know that . Okay? But hear me out, just for a second. Because I never knew what real love was until I met you."

"You said you didn't like being tied down," was the first thing that Ben blurted out.

Rey nodded. "Yeah, I know. I did, before. But I also said that I only ever do whatever I want to do, always." Shining tears rolled into her smile. "And I wanna marry you."

Air rushed out of him. He loved this woman so much it was unbelievable. Every part of him ached with happiness.

She went on, visibly nervous now. "I don't have a ring, obviously. I guess we can shop for our rings together, later. Sorry, this is so messy. And I'm not good at making speeches. Maybe I should have actually planned this out and not done this here, right now, in front of all these people."

"Probably!" Rose called out from behind her. A girl who looked related to Rose elbowed her in the side admonishingly, and the black woman on her other side shushed her.

"Yeah, thanks Rose," Rey called back dryly, flipping her the bird over her shoulder, and all of her friends laughed. She turned back to him. "But I just know this is right. Seeing you again, here, I just know it is. I've never felt more sure about anything. From the moment we met, it's like…it's like my soul already knew you. Please…be with me. Spend your life with me, from this day forward. We'll be so happy. And we'll never be alone again."

Chills ran down Ben's spine.

Chaotic, unpredictable, unforgettable. That had been everything Ben wanted to say to her and would have—if she hadn't interrupted him and gotten there first.

"Damn it, Rey," Ben said. He sunk down to his knees, meeting her there face-to-face. As equals. And with another laugh that just bubbled out of him uncontrollably, he reached into his pocket again, taking out the small box there. "You couldn't let me be spontaneous first this time?"

The crowd erupted in 'aww's and shrieks again, and one very pronounced, "OH MY GOD." All from her beloved wolf pack, and from plenty of complete strangers too—just a bunch of fellow humans who were curious and wanted to share in their happiness. Seeing true love right in front of them and wanting to experience it vicariously, if just for that moment.

Rey's hands flew to her face, covering her mouth. "Ben, are you serious? "

Ben felt his entire head glowing red, acutely felt every eye in the area on them. "Yeah. I know."

"You were going to—? You came here to—?"

"I did. I had a whole ending to my speech prepared, but you kind of said it for me already." He tilted his chin down, feeling shy. "But only if you gave me a second chance. I was feeling bold."

Both of them trembled with the pure joy and adrenaline of this moment. Ben never thought he'd propose to anybody—let alone exactly one minute after he'd been proposed to, by the very person he wanted to marry. He especially never thought he'd propose to a woman he technically hadn't officially dated.

But it was like she'd said—this was right. And they were done with playing games. They were doing this for real now.

Slowly, he opened the box, presenting it to her. Inside was a ring with a thin, freeform gold band with two round sapphire gems, equal in size, parallel to each other like two twin planets. There was murmuring and sniffles all around.

Rey threw her head back, a laugh bursting out of her. "Oh my God! And if I hadn't given you a second chance?"

He replied, sheepish, "If you hadn't, I would have returned this to my mother with a great deal of shame."

Ben also—though he didn't dare mention it aloud during a moment like this—would have had to find something else to do with the last bit of his extra funds that he'd saved, just for her. An account for their possible new life together, so that he could provide her with the comfortable, happy life that she deserved. For all of her days.

"I can't decide if that's cocky as hell, or the single most romantic thing I've ever heard," she joked through her flustered state.

"How about both?" he joked back. Leia herself had insisted on him presenting Rey with this ring, her beloved ring she'd had custom made for herself after Han had proposed to her with nothing but his charm while she was pregnant with Ben.

"This is Leia's ring?" she asked him. "It's gorgeous. God. Ben. "

Ben stopped, brow twitching—he swore he hadn't said his mom's name just now. "Had I ever told you my mom's name before?" He stopped, reading into her 'oops' expression. "Hold on. You know her? How? When? "

"It's kind of a weird story. For another time." Rey grinned. "Maybe we'll tell you together."

Still so full of surprises. Ben was certain she would never stop surprising him. His mouth twisted wryly as he asked, "May I finish my proposal, please?"

"You haven't answered mine! Wait, sorry, okay. Finish yours first, you have an actual ring." With the words, she visibly started to cry again.

"Okay, fair. This is a mess, by the way."

With a belly laugh, she flailed her hands, like she just couldn't wait to say yes any longer. "Go, go!"

Her enthusiasm was making his eyes watery, too. "The reason I wanted to find you today is to tell you I love you, and to prove to you—to your friends, to the world—that I will never leave you again. And I'll continue to prove it to you every day, for the rest of our lives. If you'll have me." He fought to keep his voice from breaking as he spoke her full birth name in a way that he had never spoken anyone's name before, with adoration weaved through every syllable. "Rey Spencer Johnson. I am so unbelievably in love with you that no label is good enough. Only forever with you would be enough." Ben held out the ring once more. Officially. "Marry me."

Rey was sobbing now, but her smile was still intact. The image of bliss. "Yes! Fuck yes! Oh my God. Will you marry me?"

Now it was his turn to say yes. "Absolutely, I will."

Ben took the ring from the box with his shaking hands, and Rey held out her left hand for him—for all of two seconds, before she took the ring from his fingers and shoved it onto her hand herself.

The crowds around them burst into deafening applause. And with both hands, as if she couldn't take it anymore, Rey grabbed him by the front of his shirt, yanked him down to her, and kissed him with such force and passion that it made him see stars. He pulled her body to his, flush against him and wrapping his arms around her with relish, kissing her back with that same force.

If once they had careened into a black hole, being torn apart, now they collided. Atoms crushing together, nuclei fusing to become an explosion of something new, something more powerful. Crashing back into each other's lives again and becoming something better. Something permanent.

When they pulled away, out of breath, mouths swollen and gazes dazed, they slowly returned back to Earth, leaning against one another for support with giddy, doofy smiles on their faces. Holding each other like they'd never let go again.

"God, I've missed that," Rey whispered to him with a laugh. She had tear streaks down her cheeks.

"Me too," he whispered back.

But they'd have plenty of time to make up for all the kisses that they'd missed during their separation. Ben would make sure they would. He'd missed her lips so badly, it had been torture to go without kissing her for so long. He pecked her mouth lingeringly a few more times, just for good measure, though they still weren't enough to quell his hunger.

It wouldn't be enough until she was in his bed again, and they were alone. He couldn't wait to kiss her everywhere else, too. He couldn't wait to devour her whole.

The applause gradually quieted, and the crowd started to disperse, now that the show was over.

Holding both her hands in his, he helped her stand gingerly—kneeling on the pavement had scraped her knees a bit—and as soon as they were both on their feet again, Rey's group of friends rushed in around them, encasing them both with excitement and hugs and affection. The girls squealed and cried and wrapped their arms around Rey's neck and her waist and her shoulders.

"You done good, Solo," Finn said, clapping him on the back instead of a hug.

Poe, however, did hug him—fiercely, which was startling. "Welcome to the wolf pack brother," he said, releasing him and then punching him in the arm, which Ben chose to think of as affectionate. "You're one of ours now."

"Thank you," he said to them both, and they had no idea how much he meant it.

Two of the girls, the ones Ben had never met before, came straight over to him, elbowing Finn and Poe out of the way. "Hey, I'm Paige! Rose's sister." She stuck her hand out to him, which he shook. "This is my fiancée, Jannah."

"Pleased to meet you both," Ben said, shaking Jannah's hand right after Paige's.

"Looking forward to getting to know you," Jannah said to him. She had a soft English accent and a kind face. "And to make sure you're right for our girl, here. Standard procedure, you understand."

He took this in stride, grinning at both of them. "Wouldn't expect less." They were just more members of Rey's family, after all.

Finn picked Rey up in a huge brotherly hug, swinging her around as Poe and Rose laughed. Then Rose broke away from the rest of the group, coming right up to him and saying, "Hey," in an almost accusatory way, her arms folded.

Oh boy. Ben swallowed, his grin faltering. He replied, "Nice to see you again, Rose."

Instead of responding to that, she pulled him aside slightly by his elbow, and grave, he complied. She took a glance over at the overjoyed Rey, then looked back at him sidelong. "You know what? I was wrong about you."

Ben blinked. That wasn't what he'd expected. He'd expected Rose to give him some sort of threat, judging by that initial look in her eye.

"Oh?" was really all he could say to that, because he didn't know how she meant it.

"Yeah. When you guys first got involved, I…" she trailed off, considering her words. "Well, I assumed the worst of you. And it's nothing personal, really. I just can't stand rich people."

"Understandable."

"I didn't trust you, and I really thought you were a bad person. I thought you would break her heart. Turns out I was only right about one of those things," she admitted.

Ben nodded again, chastened.

"But after seeing that…I think there's a lot more to you than I thought. You make Rey happy. And as long as you continue making her happy, instead of making her sad, you and I won't have a problem." She lifted her chin at him, eyes steely. "Am I clear?"

"Crystal," he said. He would do whatever necessary to redeem his own mistakes so that Rose and the rest of them could trust him one day. Their approval meant the world.

Rose nodded. "Good. Just making sure you knew." Then her face warmed with a smile, a genuine one, and something told him that maybe she already approved of him just a little bit. Ben returned it.

"What's going on over here?" Finn asked, coming over and slinging his arm around Rose's shoulders. "Is my girlfriend scaring you?"

Ben said, with a lift of his eyebrows, "Slightly, yes."

This made both of them laugh, and the thrill of it made Ben much happier than it probably should have. Finn flung his other arm around Ben's shoulders, dragging the both of them over into the throng of the rest of the group, still happily chatting away. Rey ambushed him with another hug, and Ben wondered if this was what it was like to feel at home with and embraced by people that weren't your born family.

He had never felt this before. It filled him with overwhelming warmth and comfort. He was happy to be part of this, he realized. Rey was right after all—maybe he had needed a wolf pack, too.

And now he had one.

---

When Rey's feet touched down on the other side of the Williamsburg bridge with all of her friends, her hand was laced tenderly with Ben Solo's.

She'd crossed that bridge and become an entirely new person. Imagine if she hadn't? She'd started that day utterly heartbroken, but she was now openly, deeply in love, and engaged to marry the love of her life.

And she was back in Manhattan once again, surrounded by everyone that she loved.

Only Ben didn't live here, now. They would live in Brooklyn together, although the finer details of which would still need to be sorted. She'd only been engaged for about fifteen minutes, after all. She'd never been a fiancée before.

"So where should we eat?" Poe asked the group. "This is a special occasion. Our girl's engaged! We should go someplace hoity-toity. Somewhere classy ," he added in an exaggerated, nasal Queens accent. It made Rey laugh.

"I have an idea," Ben spoke up. "But only if all of you are up for the cab ride."

"Is this a place we can afford?" Rose asked him, her brow furrowed in concern.

"Don't worry, I'm buying," he told her with a kind, reassuring grin that went straight to Rey's heart and melted it into a puddle.

She held his hand tighter and leaned into his arm and shoulder, so lovesick she couldn't even stand up straight. He kissed the top of her head. She could barely wait to jump his bones later—the only thing stopping her now was the threat of being arrested for public indecency. And they definitely couldn't fuck if they were in jail.

"Sounds good to me," Paige said to Ben, eager at the sound of a free meal, and Jannah nodded next to her emphatically. "Where we going?"

A twenty-minute taxi minivan ride later, they arrived back at the place where it all began.

At first, Rey hadn't recognized the outside of the building, because she'd only seen it once, and at night. But as soon as they entered, and their sight was immediately greeted by a huge, floor-to-ceiling fish tank, an elevator, and a loft-style 2nd floor up above, it all came flooding back to her.

She looked up at Ben, her jaw dropped. "You didn't," she said.

He was smug. "I did."

Though it looked slightly different, being used as a restaurant instead of a rented-out party venue, they were back. They had returned to the place his big fancy party had been hosted that night months ago, where they had first collided into each other's lives. Literally.

They were ushered to a large table made of two tables pushed together to accommodate their group's size, and they all ordered their desired meals, with Ben insisting again that everyone could order what they wanted. It was a celebration, after all.

After the waiter took all of their orders, most of the gang began energetically debating something related to some popular movie franchise. Rey had never seen it, personally.

"I still say the last one was the worst," Finn insisted. "I mean, it was barely a movie, and it definitely wasn't a good one. I think we can all agree on that. It didn't continue any of the character arcs from the previous movie, like that one never even existed."

All worked up, Rose piped in, "Exactly! And there was practically zero plot besides, 'Let's go find the thing! Let's go find the other thing! Explosion!' And that character death at the end that came out of nowhere? It didn't even make sense! They just did it for shock value. I mean, come on."

"Right?" said Finn.

"It was insulting," Jannah agreed. "And the way that new character from the one before was barely in the last one, just because racist weirdos online didn't like her. The studio was obviously trying to pander to them. So shameless." Rose pointed at her, nodding.

But Poe interjected, his mouth full of bread from the basket in the middle of their table, "Yes, okay, it wasn't good. And I might've cried in the shower about it. But how could you guys possibly say that it was the worst when the Christmas special exists?"

"No way!" Paige said. "The holiday special is a classic, and I stand by that." At that, the table erupted with the next round of passionate debate.

Ben took advantage of the boisterous distraction, scooting his chair closer to Rey's, taking her hand again under the table, leaning in close to her, and whispering, "I would marry you tomorrow."

Rey leaned into him, relishing in the way the tip of his nose brushed against her cheek. She turned her face to press a little kiss onto his nose, and Ben responded with a light, teasing kiss on her lips that left her wanting more. She would always want more. "I would marry you right here, right now," Rey murmured. "Or back there on that damn bridge."

To be honest, it wasn't a bad idea. It was the place that brought them back together, after all. Connecting them once again, for good, the same way that it connected Brooklyn and the Lower East Side of Manhattan. But Rey was really partial to the idea of having the ceremony somewhere in Brooklyn since it was their new home together.

"I would like for my parents to be there, though." Ben shrugged, adding grudgingly, "And my uncle would probably want to be there, too."

"You made up with your parents? And Luke, too? Holy shit. When?"

Ben smiled. "I have so much to tell you."

Rey smiled back. She lifted their clasped hands and turned them, so she could press a tender kiss to the back of his hand. She could do that whenever she wanted now. Then she leaned her cheek onto his hand, just savoring the feel of his skin. "I can't wait," she replied.

When their food arrived at the table, everyone dug in. They ate with all of their friends, and the champagne poured continuously. And as they did, they toasted to love, to being together, and to nights in Manhattan.

Full circle.

---

Hang in there for the epilogue!