CHAPTER 4

"Stephanie, you have company," Grandma yelled up the stairs. I've been living with Grandma for the last few weeks. The stitches were removed yesterday and I've been cleared to eat solids again. My other injuries are healing properly. It will take a little longer for my physical scars to heal. My emotional scars will likely take years to heal.

The therapist helped me understand the rape was not my fault. I already knew it wasn't my fault, but it was still nice to have an adult agree with me. Grandpa read my nonverbal cues correctly and terminated further therapy sessions. Talking about the rape felt like picking at a scab. I wanted... no... needed to move on.

My Dad talks to me every few days, but Mom and Valerie essentially disowned me. I shut my bedroom door behind me and walked down the steps into the front foyer. Grandma stepped aside. "Hector? How did you find me?"

I was surprised to find my rescuer. "Word on the street said you were living with Grandparents. Buddy of mine gave me an address." I wrapped my arms around him. Carl, Eddie and Lenny visited me a few days ago. They heard what happened to me. When they tried to hug me, I shied away from them. Having a male touch me caused me to panic. Hector didn't scare me.

"Thank you so much for finding me. I heard you broke Morelli's nose and sliced Dickie's arm open." Hector let me hold him but didn't hug me back. "You can hug me," I whispered.

He wrapped his arms around me and smiled. "Anything for you Angel. I'll protect you." I had no doubt he would.

"Why are you here?"

He looked at his shoes and said, "I had to see you. Make sure you are safe."

"I'm safe here Hector. You can stop by anytime to visit me." I touched his teardrop tattoo and kissed his cheek. Grandma invited him in for lunch. We got to know each other better as we shared sandwiches and chocolate cake.

"My street name is Dagger. Send word if you need me. I'm your friend." I was happy to have my new friend. He doesn't have a phone, but I could still contact him through people on the street.

"Thank you. It's nice to have someone protect your back," I said with sincerity.

The phone rang, "Steph baby, the phone's for you," Grandma called out.

I said goodbye to Hector and answered the phone, "Stephanie speaking."

The woman hesitated before saying, "I hate to do this over the phone, but I wasn't sure you'd want to come into the bakery. We hired another girl to fill your position. Your last pay cheque is in the mail. As of today, you no longer work for Tasty Pastry."

"Why? Did I not do my job correctly?" First I have no home and now I have no job. What was I going to do this summer?

"Rumours of you prostituting yourself behind the bakery has attracted the wrong type of customers. We were forced to hire security to walk the girls to their cars at night. The insurance company threatened to pull our account if we didn't terminate you."

"Okay. I understand. Thank you for telling me." I hung up the phone, sunk to the floor and cried.

"Baby Granddaughter, what happened?"

"That was Kelly Bartolli, the Tasty Pastry owner. She just fired me. According to rumour, I've been 'prostituting' myself behind the bakery. No doubt Mom and Valerie started that rumour. I won't be able to show my face at school anymore."

Grandma held me as I cried. "I know you're really upset, but I've been wondering... when was your last period?"

"Let me grab my journal." I ran to my room to grab the book. "June 15th. Why?"

"It's now July 20th. You should have had your period on the 13th." CRAP!!

"What am I supposed to do?" My life was crumbling further. Rape, kicked out of home and now pregnant. What else could go wrong?

"I'll have your Grandfather pick up a test on his way home from work." Grandpa worked for a Marketing firm located outside the Burg. He could easily grab a test without the Burg gossipers finding out. I heard Grandma on the phone. "Yes Henry, that's correct. I think Steph is pregnant. Grab three tests on your way home." She paused, waiting for his input. "Yes. Grabbing them from a store outside of Trenton would be best. Thank you Henry. Drive safe." In six hours, I'll find out if I'm pregnant.

Grandpa handed me the tests as soon as he arrived home. I went into the bathroom, read the instructions, peeing on my hand as I held the sticks in the stream. Grandma set the egg timer for three minutes as we waited for the results. I was too afraid to look at the sticks, so I sent Grandpa to check. "Sorry my sweet girl. You're pregnant."

I cried in my Grandpa's strong arms. "I can't go back to Trenton Central in September. Everyone will know I'm pregnant within a few months. What should I do?"

"It's up to you sweetheart. You have three options. Abortion, adoption or raising the child yourself. Our faith doesn't believe in abortions, but given how you became pregnant, I'm sure God will forgive you. Give yourself a few weeks to decide." I liked how he was giving me control of my predicament.

"Okay. I'll think about it Grandpa. We'll talk when I figure it out." He kissed my forehead then headed to the kitchen to help Grandma cook dinner. It was an impossible decision to make, but it was my decision.

I've been changing my mind for the last month. The doctor at the Princeton clinic was really patient and understanding. I went to the clinic on three separate occasions for an abortion. Each time, I changed my mind. "Stephanie, you've changed your mind three times. It's safe to say you don't consider abortion as an option for you. By the time we can schedule another appointment, it would be too late for an abortion. Your only options are to keep the child or put it up for adoption. Spend some time discussing your two options with your grandparents. Make the decision you can live with."

"I'm sorry for wasting your time. Deep in my heart, I knew I should continue the pregnancy. I don't know if I'll be able to give it up after carrying him or her for the nine months." There was a reason I was cancelling the abortion. I wasn't even certain who the father was. Most likely it was Dickie, but there was still a small chance it was Joe's when his semen ran down me.

"Have you thought about school? There's a private school in Newark for pregnant teens. You could complete your GED as they monitor your pregnancy. If you take the adoption route, they'll help you find a family." The doctor was giving me options to consider. She gave me excellent advice. I didn't want to give up my education because I'm pregnant.

"How would that work? My due date is March 22, 2002. Would I be kicked out of school once I have the baby?" I had so many questions I needed answered. Daddy was the only voice of reason I wanted to hear.

"No, you won't be kicked out. You'll be able to complete the year. They have daycare to help while you're in class." She handed me a brochure for the school. I left the doctor's office with my decision.

Grandma was waiting for me at home. "I assume you changed your mind again?"

"Yes, I changed my mind. I'm so glad Daddy didn't schedule the day off work. He would have been angry." I passed her the brochures. "Grandma, I want to go to this school immediately. I want to have my GED before the baby is born."

"You made a decision." She was proud of me. This school for pregnant teens looked like an excellent opportunity.

I nodded. "I'll tell you and Grandpa during dinner tonight. That way, I only have to say it once." My Grandma is an intelligent woman. She was aware I was keeping the baby. Now to figure out how to get to Newark undetected. I could ask my Grandparents to take me, but my mother will be furious if they help. Their relationship was already strained from me living here. Leaving Trenton would help repair the relationship between Mom and Grandma. My relationship with Mom and Valerie was irreparable.

Daddy promised to always be here for me. He's always been supportive of my decisions. I felt this would break him. Having a pregnant, unwed daughter would be unforgivable. There was one person I felt could help me. I'll have to find a way to send him a message. "Grandma?"

"Mmhmm?"

"I need to send a message to Hector."

She was lost thought for a few minutes before speaking. "Alright. Let's go for a walk. I know who we can talk to." I was surprised. Grandma walked up to a busty black woman standing on the corner of Stark and 4th. "Excuse me, can you send a message for me?"

"Sure can honey. What cha gotta say?"

I said, "Tell Dagger Angel needs to talk."

"What's in it for me?" Grandma handed her money. "Granny, you got yourself a deal. Will talk to the homeboy soon."

We quickly walked away. "Do you think he'll get our message?"

"It's a 50/50 shot. You never know with those drugged up street girls."

Tuesday afternoon, I was sitting on the back patio while Grandma was at her hair appointment. The gate squeaked open and Hector walked through. "Hey Hector. You got my message."

"Si Angel. Chica said you wanted to talk."

"I don't know where to start." I nervously replied.

"Take your time Angel." I took a few minutes to collect my thoughts.

"The day you first arrived here, I found out I'm pregnant. There's a private school in Newark dedicated to pregnant teenagers. They have apartments, jobs and daycare available while they complete their GED. I would really like to go there, but I can't ask my Grandparents to take me. Do you know anyone who could take me there and help me settle in?"

"My friend has an Aunt working in that school. I could ask her to pick you up, if you wish." He was willing to help.

"I would like that very much Hector. The brochure shows I could start school immediately. If I fast track, I could have my GED by next June."

"Baby is due in March?" I was surprised he figured out my due date quickly.

"Yes. March 22nd," I confirmed.

"May I use your phone?" I typically don't invite boys into the house when I'm alone, but it was unavoidable and Grandma will understand.

"Sure. Follow me." He followed me through the patio doors into the kitchen. The phone was sitting on a small three legged phone table.

Hector picked up the phone and dialled a memorized number. "Hola Tia Ella." "Si, I am well." "Remember my friend Angel?" "Si, Estephania, she is in need of transportation to your school." He looked at me, hoping I didn't catch his slip up. "Si. March 22nd." "Senior. 5.0 GPA, 98% course average," quickly rhyming off my high school stats. I don't recall telling him my GPA or grade average. "130 Emanuel St Trenton NJ. She lives with her Grandma and Grandpa Mazur." "Si. Her Grandmother will assign you power of attorney." "Gracias Tia Ella. Saturday should be fine. Adios."

"Thank you Hector." I was excited to get away from this dreaded town. It didn't matter if he already told them about me. I just wanted to get out of this judgemental city.

"Luis and Ella Guzman will pick you up Saturday at 9 am. Pack all your bags and personal belongings. Ella will need power of attorney for medical decisions while you attend the school. Your room will be ready by the time you arrive. She will provide more information when you settle in." He quickly relayed the information from his aunt.

"Is she really your Aunt?" I had a feeling it was more a friend's aunt who adopted him as her nephew.

"No. She's my friend Ricardo's aunt. Ricardo and I have been friends for many years. We joined the same gang until he was sent to live with his Abuela. I'm still part of the gang, until I finish my computer studies. I want to be a computer programmer."

"How old are you?" I asked to distract myself from thinking he knew my Ricky.

"Seventeen. I have another year in university to finish."

"How is that possible?" He was obviously highly intelligent.

"High school was boring. The teachers sent me to university to keep me out of trouble. I must go now. My friends must not find me here." He quickly dismissed his intelligence, passing it off as though it was nothing.

"Adios Hector. Keep in touch."

"Si Angel." He kissed my lips lightly as I stroked his teardrop tattoo.

Saturday arrived faster than I thought was possible. "Grandma. I have all my things packed."

She didn't want me to carry my bag downstairs. "Henry, grab Stephie's bag. It's time for her to say goodbye." Grandma handed me a few legal documents. "Here sweetie. Your Dad dropped these off for you. It broke his heart to do this, but it was the only way to protect you." I read the documents granting legal guardianship to Grandma and Grandpa Mazur.

Another document indicated they signed over all parental rights. They were putting me up for adoption. "Grandma? Why are they putting me up for adoption now?" I was shattered.

"Your mother discovered you are pregnant."

"How did she find out?"

"Her friend Angie Morelli's niece, Stacy Hunter, works as the receptionist at your OB/GYN's office. Stacy told Angie who told your mom."

"So much for leaving before they found out. Why is my life suddenly going sideways?" I lost everything I could possibly lose. All I had left was my baby. A baby I loved despite how it was conceived. It's not the baby's fault I was raped.

"I blame it on that good for nothing Morelli boy. It's a good thing he left for the Navy after your attack, or your father would have killed him," Grandma said angrily.

"Dad knows?" I was daddy's little girl. Hearing your favourite daughter was pregnant must have been devastating.

"He asked and I refuse to lie to him. Your dad wanted to know why you were living with us. We told him everything you told us," she confessed.

The doorbell rang, indicating Ella's arrival. She's an attractive woman around Mom's age. Ella is a few inches shorter than me and a few pounds heavier. Her dark hair was streaked with grey. She has warm brown eyes. Grandma and Grandpa signed guardianship over to Ella and Luis Guzman. I gave Ella my documents. She raised her eyebrow when she noticed the termination of parental rights paper. "Your parents put you up for adoption? You're sixteen. Isn't that kind of late?"

"Not according to my mom. She recently discovered my pregnancy, so she doesn't want to be my mother anymore. I get it. I'm pregnant teenager and unmarried. Those are not things a respectable Burg women does. I broke the Burg Cardinal rule, therefore, I should be put up for adoption. Would you like to adopt me?" I jokingly added. It was worth a shot.

Ella and Luis shared a glance. "Would you like us to adopt you?"

"Sure. Why not? You would likely be a better mother to me. No one could be as bad as my biological mom." I gave Grandpa and Grandma hugs and kisses before I walked to the car.

My dad was parking on the street, hoping he was in time to see me off. "Pumpkin, forgive me for signing over my rights as your father. I want you to have a fulfilling life. Being attached to your mother will not be good for your baby. Always remember I love you. Please let me know when you have the baby."

"I will Daddy. Bye. I'll miss you. I love you." He cried as the car left the driveway. I was having mixed feelings regarding Daddy. He loved me enough to let me go, but not enough to stand up to Mom.