Dein Weg ist Mein Weg
Chapter XXXVIII
The Showdown
"Here. Eat," Maho muttered bitterly.
A moment later, Azusa felt something impact with her shoulder, and as she looked down towards her lap where the object had fallen, she could just make out a small square packet in the faint light.
They had probably been stuck in the dark for a few hours now. The green light of the glowstick Maho had pulled from Yukari's satchel was slowly growing dimmer, but it still illuminated the room well enough that they could see, even if it wasn't much. The room was just full of random junk. Junk, crates, and the two of them.
Azusa picked up the small bag Maho had thrown at her and tore one of the corners off. Pouring some of its contents into her hand, she guessed it was some sort of trail mix or something similar. Not that it really mattered. She was hungry, and it seemed edible. She tipped the mixed contents of her palm into her mouth, and went back to doing what she had been doing previously: Leaning back against the wall and trying her best to ignore the infuriating fact that she was stuck in a dark room with Maho.
Why?
Why did it have to be Maho of all people?
She cursed silently under her breath as she glared across the room at Maho, her form blurring into the darkness beyond.
Why did she have to be stuck here with Maho? Maho, who thought she was a coward. Maho, who took every opportunity to point out the smallest flaws. Maho, who did nothing but lie. Maho, who claimed to know of loss, even though her horrible sister was still alive and well.
It wasn't fair.
Nothing about it was fair.
Everything had been way better before Maho showed up, and if she just wasn't around, they'd be much better again.
"Seriously, what the hell's your problem?"
The question came without warning, and so Azusa didn't answer, and instead just glared back quietly at Maho. But as the seconds passed, and it became apparent the question wouldn't go away, she finally muttered "Don't pretend like this is my fault."
"You were the one who got us into this mess," Maho said bitterly. "So yeah, I do think it's your fault."
"If it wasn't for you and your monster of a sister, we wouldn't be here."
"Do you think I'm happy that's how she turned out? All I wanted was for her to be happy, and instead I lost her."
"Don't talk to me about loss," Azusa shot back, and got up to her feet. "You don't know a thing about loss. You don't have a clue what it's like."
"Azusa, I'm warning you-"
"Just shut up! You don't know what it's like to be the only child, to be left alone when your sister's gone for real! What it's like to lose someone like that! What it's like to be the disappointment your parents are stuck with instead of the prodigy who's gone! What it's like to have to spend every waking moment of every single day pretending to be someone else, to bury everything you are just because the world doesn't want you and refuses to see who you are! Just because all they want you to be is another stupid Irisa!"
Maho was about to answer this accusation, but the heavy sound of metal clanging against metal followed by a low creak grabbed her attention instead. The heavy door began to open, and both Maho and Azusa raised an arm to shield their eyes as light once more flowed into the dark room.
"Maporin!"
"Azusa!"
Maho barely had time to get up from her place against the wall before Saori tackled her to the ground once more in a hug that could choke out a bear.
"H-hey! Get off me!" she tried to protest, but to little avail. Looking past Saori, she saw Rabbit team doing much the same to Azusa, and in the doorway she saw Hana and Yukari standing beside a student in the naval studies-program's uniform.
"We were so worried!" Saori said affectionately, even as she continued to strangle Maho. "When you didn't come back we thought you might have gotten lost."
"I'm fine," Maho replied through struggled breaths. "Now let go of me, or I'll choke."
"Oh." Saori let go of Maho, and took a step back. "Sorry."
"Have you two been alright," Hana asked as the rest of Phoenix team entered the room.
"Yeah, we're good," Maho answered with a small nod. "Here," she added, and threw the satchel back to Yukari. "Thanks for the loan."
"Don't mention it!" Yukari said with a cheerful smile, and walked over to pick up the now almost-burnt out glow stick on the floor. A few moments later, and the room lit up in bright, white light as the ceiling lights turned on.
"There, power's been restored," the naval student said matter-of-factly, and gave a small nod to the rest of the room. "Please be more careful the next time you're down below deck."
"Will do, Miss!" Yukari answered with a salute as she turned around to face the door.
"Thank you for your assistance," Hana added, and bowed to the girl.
"Thanks for getting us out," Maho said in a low but respectful tone, and nodded. Azusa did much the same.
"Alright, let's get ba-..." Yukari said with a smile as she turned back around to the rest of them, but her voice trailed off and her eyes grew wide as she did so, sending her stumbling back into Hana. Following where Yukari was looking, Maho soon realized what had caused the reaction.
All around where Maho and Azusa had been huddling in the previously dark room where tank parts. Crates and crates of tank parts, with side skirts, barrels, and other parts lining the walls and piled in heaps. At the far back Maho could clearly make out the hull of a tank hiding under a tarp, and lying beside it, the distinct shape of a turret.
"You… you guys…" Aya said in a low voice.
"You hit the motherload!" Karina cheered!
Maho groaned as she rolled over in her bed and looked at the alarm clock once more. It was past midnight. Barely a few minutes had passed since last she checked, so she rolled onto her back once more, trying to close her eyes and just sleep. But just like it had been for the past few hours, any semblance of rest eluded her.
Her mind was as full of activity as ever, and no line of thought seemed able to distract her.
She tried clenching her eyes shut as hard as she could, and began to quietly recite tank models in an attempt to simply bore herself to sleep, but the errant thoughts only came rushing back once more, striking even more furiously in their counterattack.
She gave up and stared up at the ceiling instead, barely making it out in the darkness of her room, before sighing and throwing the covers off, sitting herself up on the side of the bed while her face collapsed into her hands.
This conflict with Azusa was getting out of hand, and sooner or later it was going to prove a real problem. She needed to do something about it.
But what?
She sat there for a while longer, just trying to think things through and come up with a solution, but none would come. All that came of the exercise was that she made herself annoyed at her inability to work through it all.
She glanced out the window at the moon outside, reflecting the light of the sun over the Zuikaku, and sighed once more.
"This isn't going anywhere…" she muttered to herself, and started to casually look around the room, most of it taking on an eerie, ghostly feeling from the moon illuminating it through the window. She got up from the bed and began to pace back and forth, once again trying to think through the issue at hand as objectively and calmly as she could, but once again the effort proved fruitless.
There was no answer to be found. At least not when she was this distracted. She needed to occupy herself with something, to turn her brain off and just get lost in whatever. She gave a final quick glance at the alarm clock on her nightstand, and gave a final sigh.
"Oh, sod it…" she muttered, put on some clothes, threw on her trench coat, and walked out into the night.
Even though it was the middle of the night and the sun had long since passed beyond the horizon, the tank garage was still filled with noise and life as Maho entered.
"Don't you guys ever sleep?" she asked as she walked over towards Nakajima.
"Oh, hello Commander," Nakajima yawned, and nodded. "Don't you worry about us. We're doing just fine. Just making some final check-ups on this new tank you found for us."
The fact that she was properly pausing between sentences and speaking at a reasonable pace told Maho the exact opposite. Glancing at the other mechanics, yawning and rubbing their eyes, there was more than enough evidence that the members of the automotive clube were almost certainly not "just fine".
"So…" Nakajima continued, forcing a smile onto her tired face, "what can we do for you?"
"Do you have a spare toolbox?"
"Oh… yeah… yeah, sure…" Nakajima looked to Suzuki, who grabbed a red toolbox from the table behind her, placing it onto a spare mechanic's creeper and kicking it over towards Maho.
"Thanks." Maho nodded, before grabbing the toolbox and walking away towards the Panzer IV. She put the toolbox down beside her, opened it to give the contents a cursory inspection, before beginning the process of getting access to the Phoenix's engine.
"Huh? Yawn… Commander? Are you still here?" Nakajima said in surprise as she passed by the Panzer IV. "We've finished checking through the Type 4, so unless there's anything else…"
"Yeah, don't worry about it," Maho said absentmindedly as she looked down at her handiwork and tried to rub as much of the muck and grime on her hands onto a towel as possible. "I'm done as well," she added as she tossed the screwdriver she had been holding back into the toolbox. "You guys go home and get some sleep, I'll lock up the garage."
"What did you want the tools for?" Hoshino asked.
"You haven't messed up the engine, have you?" Tsuchiya groaned. "We've just made sure to fix everything…"
"I have not," Maho said pointedly. "I just made some tweaks and fixes to it."
The notion that the engine could be improved seemed to catch the weary quartet's interest, and the tiredness in their eyes was quickly replaced by the glimmer of fascination as they came over to inspect her handiwork. Within seconds, Maho found herself drowning in questions she could barely understand, let alone answer.
"I'm sorry. I don't know the exact details of it. I just know how to do it, and what it does."
"How… how can you know how to do something, but also…" Nakajima began
"...not know it?" Suzuki finished. All four of them looked rather perplexed at the notion.
"It's muscle memory," Maho answered. "One of my family's tank mechanic's taught me it years ago, but I could never remember the names of the parts or what they did, so I just had to learn the motions and how each piece felt in the hand."
The quartet now stared blankly at her, as if she had sprouted a third leg.
"So…" Tsuchiya asked after a few seconds, cautiously, "what difference does it make?"
"Should add another ten or fifteen kilometers per hour to the top speed," Maho said matter of factly, and sighed as she began to pack the toolbox back up again. Despite improving the Phoenix' speed, her tinkering hadn't helped her solve her current problem: What to do about Azusa.
She didn't have much time to grumble over the issue however, as barely a second later the four mechanics practically jumped her, dragging her back to the engine compartment and having her walk them through as much of the process as possible, their eyes lighting up like the muzzle of a Firefly with awe.
"That's awesome, Commander!" Nakajima said with a cheer.
"Yeah! This has got to be the fastest tank in the entire tournament now!" Tsuchiya added.
"Who knew tanks could be so speedy?" Suzuki said.
"Maybe we should join? Get a tank of our own?" Hoshino said wistfully. "I bet we could do even better…"
The quartet turned to look over to their own handiwork for the night, the Type 4. They all looked at it with a combination of uncertainty and dreamlike wistfulness, cheerful smiles slowly spreading across their faces.
"Yeah, as if…" Hoshino said after a moment, and they all shared a small chuckle. "We can barely keep up as is, and that's just us fixing the buggers, nevermind driving them…" They all nodded and mumbled in agreement, before returning their attention back to Maho's freshly tuned engine.
"Still, I really didn't think I'd get this kind of understanding for you and Sensha-Do, Commander," Nakajima said with an appreciative nod.
"Well, that's the point," Maho answered. "Sensha-Do helps people understand one anoth-..." Her voice died down, and she stared blankly before herself for a moment.
"Commander?" Suzuki asked. "Are you alright?"
"Yeah…" Maho answered absentmindedly, as a smirk appeared on her lips. "Yeah, I'm fine…" She quickly turned to pack up the last of the toolbox, and handed it back to Nakajima. "Thank you for the loan. Can you guys lock up the garage?"
"Uhhh, yeah? Sure…"
"Good," Maho said with a final nod, before leaving the building with springy steps. "Oh, and thanks for checking that the Type 4 was good to go."
The smirk wouldn't leave her lips as she walked home through the summer night, almost laughing to herself. It was ironic, really. The thing she had once said to Miho, that had resolved the initial dispute between her and Emi, would now prove to be the solution to her own problem.
Sensha-Do. Sensha-Do helps people understand one another.
She almost felt annoyed at the simplicity of the answer, but she didn't care. She finally knew what to do.
As she walked, she pulled out her phone and racked her brain for a few moments, trying to remember what the number she needed was.
"Hey," she said matter-of-factly as she raised the phone to her ear, hearing the tired and annoyed voice on the other end. "I don't care how late it is. I need a favor."
"Is everything ready?"
"Yes, Commander!"
Ever since their "discussion" in the Student Council's office the previous week, the Cyclops had turned stiff as a board whenever Maho approached, her hand shooting up in a stiff and forced salute. It was a level of discipline that would almost have been considered excessive even at Kuromorimine, and Maho still wasn't sure if Momo followed it out of respect, fear, or mockery. So she had simply elected to purposefully ignore the gesture, and instead just rolled her eyes and sighed.
"Sure is, Nishizumi," Anzu added with a cheerful smirk. "Everything's been readied. We're about to head over right now."
"It wasn't precisely easy to get it done on such short notice, though," Yuzu sighed. "And I don't know how happy the students were to be kept in the auditorium after school."
"We got it done, that's all that matters," Anzu shrugged. "You think it's gonna work?"
"Let's hope so, Pipsqueak," Maho muttered, and walked away. "Let's hope so…"
"Uhh, Maho?"
"Yes, Saori?"
"Why are the Student Council walking away?"
"Yeah… and where's the other teams?" Yukari added
"They're in the auditorium," Maho said matter-of-factly.
"Care to explain why?" Mako mumbled, but before Maho could answer, they were interrupted.
"Atten-shun!" Ami called with the force of voice one would expect of a military woman, sending the members of Rabbit and Phoenix team into order as she stepped out in front of the garage. "By Commander Nishizumi's suggestion, today's practice will be a bit different. Phoenix and Rabbit teams will take part in a duel, while the other members of the team watch and take notes. Tomorrow we will be holding an analysis of today's battle, so fight well. Is that understood?"
"Yes, Captain Chono!" both teams answered in unison.
"Excellent," Ami nodded. "To your tanks. Maps of the area marked with your assigned starting positions have been placed in the Commander's seat of both vehicles, and I'll contact you over the radio to give you the last details when you're ready."
"Phoenix team, in position," Maho called over the radio, and a moment later Ami's voice answered on the other end.
"Excellent. Rabbit team are already at their designated starting position, so we are ready to begin." Ami's voice disappeared among a crackle of static for a second, but returned soon after with a small click. She had switched to the common team-channel, so she could address both commanders at once. "Both teams are now in position. This will be a simple elimination match, meaning the last tank standing wins. Any questions?"
"No," Azusa answered bitterly.
"All clear," Maho said calmly.
"Very well. Then may the best crew win," Ami cheered. "Battle begin!"
"Mako, we're going to move along the road to point E-7."
"Got it," Mako mumbled in reply, and the Phoenix began to roll out.
"Uhm, Maho?" Saori asked.
"Yes?"
"Why are we doing this?"
"We've got practice, don't we?" Maho replied, and continued studying the map Ami had prepared. Two white circles marked where both teams had begun, meaning that both Maho and Azusa knew precisely where the other had been just a minute ago.
"Sure, but…" Saori said cautiously, "don't we usually have the entire team out here when we practice?"
"It is true," Hana chimed in. "We have never participated in an individual duel like this before."
"Maybe so, but I thought this was the quickest and easiest way to show Heron team what battle looks like," Maho muttered, and traced a finger across the map.
"Is that why everyone else is in the auditorium?" Yukari asked.
"Correct. We're going to show what a battle looks like, not just to Heron team, but the entire school." Maho sighed and pulled a pen from her pocket. "We need to find more people for the team, or having more tanks will be pointless."
"The whole school's gonna see this? Oh, do you think any guys will be watching?" Saori asked with a dreaming look. "Maybe tanks will finally get me a boyfriend!"
"Considering this is an all-girls school, I doubt it," Mako mumbled.
Maho decided to ignore the bickering in the hull that followed this comment, and instead ran a few quick calculations in her head. "There," she said after a few moments, and made a small scratch on the map. "That's where she'll pass through." She stowed away the map, and pressed the mic on her throat to get Mako's attention. "Mako. Once we get to E-7, we're going to cut through the woods to G-5, and hunker down there for an ambush."
"Got it," Mako muttered in reply. "E-7, then through the woods."
"Rabbit team spotted, 2 o'clock" Maho said in a low voice and raised her binoculars. Looking towards the path, she could make out the M3 Lee slowly make its way through the forest. Azusa was standing in the cupola and methodically scanned her surroundings, so if she had learned anything at all since joining the team, it was only a matter of time before she would notice her camouflaged opponent.
"I have aim on their drive wheel, Maho," Hana said calmly. "Do you want me to fire?"
"Not yet," Maho said with a smirk. "We're supposed to put on a show, so let's make things a bit more interesting, shall we?" She gave another glance at the M3 Lee in the distance and considered the situation, before coming to a decision. "Take out that tree. 800 meters, 11 o'clock."
A second passed and the turret shifted ever so slightly, before the 75mm gun rang out its greeting. A moment later the large tree Hana had fired on collapsed across the road, blocking Rabbit team's path.
"Now for 1 o'clock," Maho ordered. Even as the first tree was still coming to a rest across the road, the M3 Lee was already starting to back off and turn to face the direction of the attack, keeping its stronger frontal armor towards the Panzer IV. A few seconds later Hana sent another shot flying through the forest, cutting down a tree on the other side of Rabbit teams path.
Now, what will you choose… Maho thought as she looked towards Azusa opposite her in the forest, seeing a flash of light from the American M3 gun and a moment feeling a gust of wind brush through her hair from the shell that just missed them. Fight, or flight. There is no other option.
Azusa apparently did not share this analysis of the situation, as the American medium tank simply backed up a meter or two, using the slightly raised path to shield its tracks.
"Well, if that's how you want to play it, fair enough…" Maho muttered. "Advance and fire at will."
"You got it," Mako mumbled. The Panzer IV left its hiding place and began to slowly creep forwards through the woods. As shell after shell traded places through the forest, cutting down trees, pinging of steel, and sending fountains of dirt and earth into the air, It became self-evident that Yukari was faster on the reload than Yuuki and Saki, and while Aya and Ayumi's aim had grown steadily better during the past weeks, they were still no match for Hana.
This, it seemed, Azusa and Maho could at least agree on, as the M3 Lee began to slowly back away in an attempt to maintain the distance between the two combatants.
Oh, no you don't…
"Full speed ahead. Let's see how they feel about a charge," Maho ordered, and a moment later the freshly tuned engine of the Phoenix roared to life as the tank accelerated to its full potential, its dark green opponent growing larger in Hana's sights by the moment. "Fire on my command."
"Understood," Hana answered.
Rabbit team continued to reverse, even in the face of the Phoenix's charge, even though their guns seemed to flail wildly in search of a target.
They're panicking again. Figures… Maho scoffed.
But as the Panzer IV came closer and closer to the path Rabbit team had been hiding behind, the twin guns of the M3 Lee began to steady, and just as Mako was about to send them up and over the path, they roared defiantly and fired.
The 75mm shell of the main gun struck the path and sent a wall of dirt and rock flying up into the air, shielding the M3 Lee from Hana's aim. When the rubble and dirt had fallen back down, it became clear what the smaller 37mm gun had fired on, as a tree lay collapsed across the Phoenix's path. The M3 Lee itself had taken its moment of reprieve to turn around completely and was now speeding away through the forest.
"Clever girl…" Maho muttered. "Turn 15 degrees right, and keep up the chase. We're not letting them get away."
As Mako sent the Phoenix roaring back into the chase, there proved to be little risk of Rabbit team getting away. The wild weaving of both tanks through the forest made landing a killshot more a matter of chance than skill, but both tanks soon had a few additional metallic gashes across their sides from close calls.
"Maho!" Saori called up from her place in the hull. "They're heading towards the river."
"Perfect. Thanks, Saori." Maho shook her head in disappointment as she looked towards their fleeing prey. Evidently, Azusa was hoping to use the river to slow them down and escape, but it seemed she had forgotten that she too would be forced to slow down to cross the bridge. A mistake that would prove costly to her.
Maho was pulled from her considerations as the Phoenix swerved wildly to the side. Rabbit team had felled another tree in their way, and the gap between the two tanks was now growing once more. Despite the German tanks more powerful engine, the smaller width of the M3 Lee allowed it to pass more easily through the forest. Not that it mattered. Maho knew where they were heading, and she knew that they were going to catch the Rabbits sooner or later.
As the Panzer IV burst through the last of the trees and shrubbery in their way and onto the open clearing by the bridge, Maho raised an eyebrow at the sight that met them.
The M3 Lee was already across the suspension bridge above the river, and now stood confidently on the other side, it's guns pointed right at the Phoenix. Maho met Azusa's eye in the cupola opposite her, and saw her opponent utter some form of order.
A moment later, the two guns moved and fired in unison, and the supports holding the bridge up on Phoenix team's end collapsed, taking the bridge with them.
"Impressive," Maho said with a nodding smirk. "Most impressive."
The auditorium filled with cheers and gasps, even from the students who hadn't been paying the least attention to the battle that was projected onto the far wall. The sight of a bridge being destroyed by fellow students on their very own carrier was enough to corral the attention of even the most disinterested.
"The commander's really not pulling any punches, huh?" Shinobu commented.
"Maybe, but Azusa's showing real guts out there!" Noriko replied.
"Still, it's pretty obvious that Phoenix team are simply more skilled," Erwin noted.
"The Rabbits are keeping up pretty well though," Caesar added. "Between this and the Anzio-match, they're getting really good at getting out of sticky situations.
"Experience versus ingenuity," Oryou said with a thoughtful nod.
"But the Rabbits have the privilege of picking the battlefield now," Saemonza said confidently. "They're winning for sure."
"I don't think there's a battlefield in the world that wins this for Azusa, as awesome as it would be," Erwin countered, and shook her head. "Janus takes this, a hundred percent. Guderian's the best loader on the team."
"50 yen says you're wrong."
"At least make it interesting," Erwin grinned. "200. Or are you scared?"
"No way! You've got yourself a bet!" Saemonza protested and shot out a hand, which Erwin quickly accepted.
""Oryou, you care to adjudicate?"
"I guess."
"Oh, I put 150 on Azusa!" Noriko chimed in.
"75 on the commander," Taeko added.
"I guess I'll join in too," Caesar shrugged. "200 on Janus."
"Alright, so—" Oryou sighed and pulled out a small notebook and pencil as the others began to pull out bills and coins "—that's 200 each from Saemonza and Erwin on Rabbit and Phoenix teams respectively.150 on rabbit from Isobe, 75 and 200 on Phoenix from Kondou and Ceasar…"
"Hey!" Sodoko hissed, and tapped her foot annoyedly on the floor. "No gambling! Ooarai school rules, paragraph 36." She paused for a moment, before looking back at the group with a triumphant smile. "See, now the president's coming over. What on Earth were you thinking?"
"What's going on here?!" Momo said bitterly. "Pay attention to the match!"
"Miss President," Sodoko began. "They were trying to take bets on the outcome of the match, even though gambling is strictly forbidden by the school rules!"
"Is that true?" Anzu asked in a calm and laid back manner.
"Uhm…" Noriko said while looking to the others for support.
"Well, you see…" Erwin tried, but she didn't seem to have a good explanation either.
"We were just…" Caesar chimed in, but also fell silent. "Y-yeah… we were…"
"Hmm, I see…" Anzu mumbled, and glanced over to the projection for a few moments while rubbing her chin as she thought. "Put me down for 500 yen on Nishizumi."
Miss President!?" Sodoko cried out in protest.
"What? You think I should go for Sawa instead?" Anzu asked, as if nothing was wrong. "You know what, make that 750 actually."
"Hana, I want them off that hill 5 minutes ago," Maho ordered, as another shell pinged off the Phoenix's turret.
"I am on it."
With the bridge destroyed, they had been forced to take the long way around, following the river until they could ford it, which had taken a significant amount of time. Time Azusa had used well, by positioning the M3 Lee atop a small hill overlooking the old club houses, which proved the perfect place to rain down fire on the Panzer IV as it approached. Thankfully, Mako's swerving maneuvers combined with Aya and Ayumi's less than stellar aim meant this tactic proved more of an annoyance than a secured victory.
Hana made some final adjustments to her aim, before the Phoenix's gun returned fire and shattered a formation of rocks shortly behind Rabbit team's position, blocking their path. A second or so later, Azusa had sent the American tank moving down the hill, trying to avoid getting boxed in once more.
"They're heading this way," Saori noted.
"Good," Maho nodded. "We'll finish this here. Mako, get us down to the club houses."
"Brake!" Maho shouted, and the Phoenix lurched to a halt even as it skidded across the dirt, and not a moment too soon. A moment later a shell came flying down the alleyway they had been about to cross, one which would almost certainly have knocked the treads and drive wheel off the German tank. "Alright, let's go!"
The dancing chase continued much as it had for the past few minutes, with both tanks snaking around the small collection of run-down wooden buildings that had once served as home to the different school clubs, but were now little more than disused shacks. The M3 Lee and Panzer IV kept trading shells back and forth, but neither seemed able to land a decisive hit, only managing to tear up the pain on each other's armor and smashing the windows and walls of the small buildings.
"Panzer Halt!" Maho ordered, and the Phoenix slid to a halt at one end of the dirt "street" that ran between the two rows of buildings. A moment later, the M3 Lee appeared at the other end and began to speed down the corridor towards them. "Mako, keep angling our armor like I tell you."
"Got it."
"Hana, keep your aim steady and get ready to fire on my command."
"Yes, Maho."
Rabbit team's 37mm gun fired twice as the M3 Lee charged the Phoenix, but Maho made sure to keep their frontal armor angled to nullify the effect. The heavier 75mm main gun still stayed silent however.
Maho let a small smirk reach her lips. She knew what Azusa was doing. She was planning on bringing the M3 Lee in as close as possible, and fire her main gun at the Phoenix at point blank-range. The swerving American tank was a difficult target, especially at such short range, so there was no point in firing back as they charged. It was a clever enough tactic, and had it been in a proper match, Maho might even have been impressed.
But Azusa had neglected to take one detail into account. A few meters ahead of the Phoenix, there was a patch of particularly loose dirt, and the M3 Lee was heading right for it. The smirk on Maho's lips grew. Once Rabbit team's treads tried to swerve over the patch, they were going to skid, and send them off course, exposing their sides to Hana's retaliation. It was almost too simple.
"Hana, get ready to fi-argh!"
Maho raised her voice to give the order as the M3 Lee neared the patch, but instead her eyes screamed in a sharp, blinding pain, her vision disappeared into the burning light of a thousand suns, and she recoiled while her arms instinctively shot up to try and protect her face. But it was too late.
Instead of continuing over the loose dirt and skidding to the side like Maho had expected, the M3 Lee threw its treads into reverse, wildly spinning in the other direction just as they reached the loosened dirt and sending a huge cloud of dirt into the air, blocking Hana from seeing through the sights, and a stream of grime and muck right into Maho's eyes, blinding her.
"Commander, are you alright?!" Yukari yelled up.
"I'm fine," Maho yelled back, even as she violently rubbed her eyes in an attempt to clear the dirt and pain from them. She flinched as her body and mind's wills clashed violently within her, and her back lit up in fire and anguish, pushing her to act even when she wouldn't. When she couldn't. She grit her teeth against the pain that only increased, with one of her scars in particular taking the vanguard and screaming at her in ringing pain.
Her oldest scar...
Her first scar...
"Fire! Take them out!"
"Negative, Commander," Hana called up. "The M3 Lee has disappeared."
"What do you mean 'disappeared'?!" Maho yelled, and repeatedly dragged her sleeve across her face, slowly wiping the muck and grime and tears that filled her bloodshot eyes. "They have to be-"
The roar of a cannon finished the sentence for her, and capped it with the sound of the Phoenix's white flag popping out. Maho blinked over and over to clear her vision, and as she turned around, she saw the M3 Lee, a thin wisp of smoke trailing from its 75mm gun and Azusa looking back at her. As the stinging pain slowly began to fade, Maho saw the treadmarks. With the cloud of dirt blocking their vision, Azusa had sent the M3 Lee down the alley on the right and around the rundown club house, putting the tank to rest with its main gun barely a meter from the Phoenix's rear.
"The Panzer IV of Phoenix team is no longer operable," Ami announced over the radio. "Rabbit team wins the match."
When they returned to the garage, the rest of the team was already there, and wasted no time in offering their congratulations to Azusa on her victory.
"That was awesome, Azusa! That charge was all guts!"
"Just like Patton!"
"Yeah! I'm totally gonna write about this for the school paper!"
"Thanks…" Azusa answered in a low voice, and glanced bitterly at Maho.
"Congratulations, Miss Sawa. Impeccable fighting from all of you," Ami said as she came over. "Now, as you know, we end all matches with a bow."
"Thank you for a good battle," Maho and Azusa said together and bowed towards one another, the rest of their crews joining in a moment later.
"Good. Heron team, I hope you found this demonstration useful?" Ami asked as she turned her attention to Sodoko and her crew.
"Yes, Captain," Sodoko quickly replied, and bowed. Her two companions from the Public Morals Committee followed her lead in an instant, but when Taiga didn't pick up on the hint, Pazomi swiftly reached out and grabbed their radio operator by the neck, forcing her into a similar bow.
"Excellent." Ami clapped her hands and called the team to order. "Tomorrow we will run a full analysis of this duel, as well as taking some time to focus on the more theoretical aspects of Sensha-Do." A scattered handful of groans interrupted her, but Ami took them in stride. "Yes, I am well aware of how boring that sounds, but winning isn't just a matter of having the best tanks or the most well-trained crews. It's about knowledge and theory as well, and how you apply it. Your opponents sure know all this, I promise you that, so you're going to need to catch up if you hope to win the tournament."
This sentiment did at least seem to excite the team somewhat, even to the point of a small cheer or two. Although the true meaning of the statement still remained unknown to all but Ami and Maho, who shared a solemn look for a short moment.
"Very well, that will be all for today," Ami finished. "Go get some rest, and I will see you all back here tomorrow."
"Thank you for your help, Captain!" the team said in unison, and bowed. Soon after, the team began to scatter as the different crews started to make their way back to their apartments and dorms.
"Commander, could I have a word?" Yuzu asked as she walked over. Maho nodded, and said some quick goodbyes to the rest of Phoenix team before walking a few steps away with Yuzu.
"What is it?"
"How are you finding the role of commander?" Yuzu asked in a carefree manner. "Now that you've properly taken on the mantle, I mean?"
"It's going fine," Maho answered coldly. "And if you're just interested in small talk, you can look for it elsewhere." She turned to leave, but Yuzu put a hand on her shoulder to stop her.
"Look," she said in a low voice. "I know what's going on between you and Sawa. Honestly, at this point I think everyone on the team knows at least something's up between you two."
"How observant of you," Maho scoffed. "Your point being?"
"Do you want me to help?" Yuzu asked. "To fix things between you, I mean. I don't know every detail, obviously, and it's not exactly allowed, but if you want, I could let you check out her school file, see if might hel-"
"I'm not in the habit of cheating." Maho said sharply.
"I never said you were, but if it can help fix things after the misunderstanding the president caused between you-"
"I don't need help, Yuzu. I don't want help. I'll fix this myself," Maho interrupted in a low growl. "If you want to help fix people, you should teach the cyclops how to aim."
Yuzu looked like she wanted to argue further, but she didn't get the opportunity.
"Uh-uhm…. C-commander Ni-Nishizumi?"
The two of them turned to face the voice, and looked for a moment in astonishment at the newcomer. She was a tall girl, and would almost certainly be noticeably taller than Maho if she didn't slouch. Her strange appearance continued with blond, unkempt hair reaching well beyond her waist that the cat ear-headband on her head did nothing to keep in order. Maho at first made an attempt to look the girl in the eyes but this quickly proved a fruitless endeavor. Partly because the girl's glasses were so incredibly thick Maho could hardly believe she could see through them, and partly because the girl kept fidgeting and doing everything in her power not to make eye contact.
"Yes?" Maho said after a moment, and tried her best to relax. Hopefully that would help put the girl at ease. "What can I do for you?"
"W-well, I was just… j-just wondering if… if…" the girl stammered, her voice dying down between each attempt. "I-i-i-if y-you think w-w-w-we c-could j-join the t-t-t-team…"
"We?" Yuzu asked, and gave a quick, confused glance around them, finding no one else there.
"Y-y-y-ye-yes. M-m-m-my f-f-f-friends and I-I..." the girl stammered, and turned to look behind her. As Maho followed her gaze, she could make out two other girls peeking out from behind the corner of the garage, watching the conversation cautiously. After a few seconds of increasingly exasperated gesturing from the blonde, the two observers slowly came walking over, looking just as dejected and nervous as their friend, if not more.
"H-h-hi…" one of them, a relatively short redheaded girl with an eyepatch, stammered.
"H-hello, Commander…" the other one, a girl taller than the blonde, mostly from her just standing straight, with grey hair tied up in a ponytail, said with at least a hint of calm, even if it was miniscule.
"Do you have any experience with tanks?" Maho asked in the calmest tone she could manage, and looked at the three girls in turn.
"W-w-w-well…" the blonde started.
"Y-y-yes…" the redhead continued.
A-and no..." the grey haired girl finished.
Maho simply crossed her arms and looked at the trio, before glancing with a raised eyebrow at Yuzu. "What do you mean 'yes and no'?" she asked. "You either have experience with tanks, or you don't." I should know… she added in her thoughts.
"W-w-well, I… I mean…" the blonde said.
"W-we don't have any experience with tanks… per se…" the tall one continued.
"B-but I've got 8 thousand hours in World of Armor!" the redhead finished, starting out with a nervous stammer but ending on a proud cheer.
"I've got 8 and a half," the grey-haired girl added with a gentle smile and a bowing nod.
"A-and I've got m-more than t-t-ten!" the blonde stammered.
Yuzu looked at Maho, who shrugged but ultimately nodded.
"Names?" Maho asked.
"I'm Nekonya," the blonde said.
"Piyotan," said the tall one.
"Momoga," the redhead finished.
"Uhm…" Yuzu said as she started looking through her paperwork, "I'm going to need your actual names, or I won't be able to process your applications…"
"O-oh… I-I-I s-see…" the blonde one sighed, her cheeks growing red. "I-I-I-I'm M-Mai. M-Mai N-N-Nekota…"
"T-Taki Mo-Momose…" the redhead stammered.
"And… and I'm Aoi Hiyoshi…" the tall, grey haired girl added.
"Very well, welcome to the team," Maho said to the three after a moment, seeing Yuzu quickly begin to find the right forms and papers needed. "I have some paperwork to take care of, but Yuzu here will help you handle all the details. I'll see you all at practice tomorrow."
"Y-y-y-es, C-C-Commander!" the three said in stammered unison.
"Commander Nishizumi…"
Maho ran a hand across the side of the Phoenix's turret as she walked along it, checking for any major damages, ignoring the call from the open door.
"Commander!"
"What is it, Miss Sawa," Maho answered, using the same cold tones as Azusa, still keeping the majority of her attention focused on the tank as she inspected it.
"I want a rematch."
"Don't you think you're getting greedy?" Maho asked casually. "If I were you, I'd just take the win and be happ-"
"I said; I want a rematch," Azusa reiterated, much more forcefully. "We both know this one doesn't count!"
"What are you talking about?" Maho said dismissively, and knelt down to look at the left tread. Apart from some loose dirt and grass still stuck to it, it looked unharmed.
"You threw the match, Commander."
"What makes you say that?" The accusation finally got Maho to let her inspection of the Panzer IV leave her attention, moving it to azusa instead.
"Don't play dumb," Azusa said bitterly. "You might have fooled everyone else, but you can't fool me. You threw the match."
"Don't be ridiculous," Maho muttered and turned back to the Phoenix. "Why would I possibly-"
"Shut up," Azusa interrupted. "I've done my homework, just like Captain Chono told us to. I watched your matches, and I know how good you are. I know you're better than me. I know you don't need to see me to take me out. I know you can aim and fire on tanks you can't see," Azusa paused for a moment, letting the anger that had boiled to the surface recede. "I'm not stupid," she added with a mutter. "You threw the match, and I want a rematch. A proper one."
"Alright, fine," Maho sighed, and brushed her hands as she left the tank behind. "I admit it. I threw the match. I ordered Hana not to take you out the moment we spotted you, I let you escape into the woods after blowing the bridge, and I didn't give any orders when you blinded me. Happy?"
"Why?" Azusa asked coldly. "Why didn't you take us out when you had the opportunity?"
"It was an exhibition match. If we took you out immediately, we wouldn't have had much to show to impress any new recru-"
"Don't even bother. I know you're lying."
"Fine," Maho replied, and began to pace thoughtfully back and forth. "You seemed bothered by getting injured in the first-round and lured into a trap in the second, so I thought you could use a win to boost your confidence. I was just helping."
Azusa stared blankly at Maho for a few seconds, a violent mix of emotions and reactions playing out in her eyes.
"I don't want any help from you…" she said in a low voice after a while.
"Look, I understand what you're-"
"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING!" Azusa yelled, and slammed the side of her fist into the side of the M3 Lee beside her. "I said I don't want your help, and I damn well don't want your pity!"
"I'm not pitying you, I just-"
"No, you are!" Azusa countered. "You just look down on me, like I'm some failure you're stuck with. Is this really what you think passes as 'help'?"
"I might not be very good at this stuff, but I'm trying my best, damn it!" Maho yelled back, fury beginning to brew in her too.
"Yeah, well, you suck at it!" Azusa countered. "And I don't want any help from someone like you anyways, so just leave me alone!"
With that, she turned on a dime and left the garage with determined strides.
"Fine!" Maho yelled after her. "You won't get it then!"
She turned her back towards the door and Azusa, and paced bitterly back and forth by her desk for a few seconds, before glancing down at the stack of documents upon the desk. A moment passed and something within her snapped, as she knocked the stack aside with her arm and sent papers fluttering through the air like leaves on a still autumn day.
"Damn brat," she cursed. "Keeps acting like this is my fault, even though she's the one who should apologize…"
"Ughhh… are you two finally done?"
Maho flinched at the voice, and looked around in confusion. With Azusa gone, she was alone in the garage once more. And the voice held neither the same tone nor temperament of the ones she usually heard when she was alone
"Some people are trying to get some sleep here, so keep quiet will you?"
Glancing up at the roof of the Phoenix, Maho spotted the source of the voice.
"Hello, Mako…" she said as calmly as she could, burying both anger and uncertainty deep within. "What are you doing there?"
"I told you already, didn't I?" Mako mumbled back, and slowly sat herself up against the side of the turret. "I'm trying to get some sleep."
"Why don't you just nap at home?"
"I was already here. Besides, Saori keeps getting on my case about it…"
"Then I guess you overheard a fair bit of that…"
"It was hard not to," Mako muttered. "The way you two were shouting I'm surprised half the carrier didn't hear you…"
Maho cursed under her breath and stared at the ground for a few seconds, before looking back up at Mako.
"That's it?"
"Yup…"
"Huh…"
"What else would I have to say?"
"I don't know…" Maho admitted. "It's just… I don't know, this is usually the part where someone tells me I'm screwing up and should just let it go…"
"Why should that be any of my business?" Mako asked, and began to climb down from the Panzer IV. "You're the commander, not me. And besides, I don't know what this is about, so my opinion isn't really important. Your team, your decision, isn't it?"
"I guess it is…" Maho sighed. "You leaving?"
"Might as well. I'm not going to get any sleep here with you fretting about," Mako mumbled, and walked out of the garage.
"Goodnight, Mako."
Mako nodded in reply, but paused as she was about to turn the corner and leave. "But if I was to give my opinion, I'd say make sure to resolve this before it's too late. You don't want what happened with your dad to happen here, do you?"
Maho froze for a second. "What… what do you mean…"
"You argued about something, and you never got a chance to make up with him, didn't you?"
"H-how… how do you know that?" Maho couldn't help but stutter. Besides Ami, there was no one on this carrier who knew about her dad, or their last fight before his passing. Maho had known Ami to be many things, but she was not prone to gossip. So how did Mako know?
"It's written all over your face," Mako said with a shrug. "You made it clear you don't get along with your mom, and apparently your sister's fine, so your dad was the obvious next choice."
"What do you mean it's 'written all over my face'?" Maho asked bitterly and crossed her arms.
"It's just obvious," Mako answered. "Both in you and Sawa. It's not something people like us move on from easily."
"Oh…" Maho looked in fascination at Mako for a moment, before realizing the full weight of what Mako had said. "Wait, you mean you also…"
"My mom," Mako said shortly. "Just before the accident."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be. It was long ago, and it wasn't your fault." Mako turned and looked away towards the school. "But if I were you, I'd do something about it before it's too late."
"I tried," Maho said in a low voice, her father's face flashing in her mind as she remembered. "I really tried..."
Silence answered her, and as she looked up, it became apparent that Mako had left.
St. Gloriana Girls' Academy Cromwell flag tank is no longer operable. Kuromorimine Girls' Academy wins the match…
Saunders University High's M4 Sherman flag tank is no longer operable. Kuromorimine Girls' Academy wins the match…
Pravda High School's T34/85 flag tank is no longer operable. Kuromorimine Girls' Academy wins the match…
Jatkosota High school's T34/76 flag tank is no longer operable. Kuromorimine Girls' Academy wins the match…
Maho leaned back in her chair and stretched her arms. The computer on her desk showed her grand encirclements, triumphant stands, and daring charges, each of which she could have recited from memory. Seeing herself in the cupola of her trusted 212, leading the invincible forces of Kuromorimine like a conductor leading an orchestra in each new battle playing out across the screen: it was simultaneously a comfort and a curse.
She still remembered all of them vividly, nestled into the back of her mind as they were. And while she wanted to find comfort in those victories, to let them show her the strength she had possessed back then, and could possess again, all they brought her was a feeling of emptiness and shame.
"Koume was right…" she mumbled under her breath. "The me from back then is gone…" I just don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing… she thought.
She massaged her temples for a moment, before leaving the recordings of her old victories behind, and moved on to another set of matches.
All of Ooarai Girls' Academy's tanks are inoperable. St. Gloriana Girls' Academy wins the match…
Ooarai Girl's Academy's Panzer 38(t) flag tank is no longer operable. Saunders University High wins the match…
Anzio High School's P26/40 flag tank is no longer operable. Ooarai Girls' Academy wins the match…
Once again she saw herself, standing in the cupola and leading Ooarai. She saw the chaotic scrambling to recover the momentum during their battle with St. Gloriana. She saw the impromptu chase across the plains and hills during their battle with Saunders. She saw the hunt for Chiyomi and her P40 during their battle with Anzio.
She saw the failed ambush and desperate maneuvers, the double encirclement and snapped tread, the bitter hunt and storm of emotions. Every mistake and failure was on evident display before her, but for some reason, they didn't faze her. She barely followed her own tank as she watched.
Instead, her attention kept on getting grabbed by the M3 Lee. She smirked and chuckled quietly to herself as the American tank burned out its transmission during a practice match, how it struggled for aim in the Cyclops' failed ambush, and how the first-years panicked and ran when things turned from bad to worse.
She couldn't keep herself from smiling as she watched the combined forces of Ooarai break through Saunders' vanguard, the M3 Lee holding firm as they evaded capture, and she felt a hollow pain ring out in her chest as she watched the Firefly take down the olive steed of Rabbit team.
She felt a surge of pride and hope as she watched the M3 Lee and Type 89 reach the crossroads and masterfully creep into position to take out the enemy's guarding forces, even though they were only wooden decoys, and she felt her heart sink once more as the pair of tanks chased after a lone CV33 right into an ambush.
She felt her hand clench unconsciously into a fist and a frown spread across her lips as she cursed under her breath, but before she descended further down such lines of thought, she opened one final recording.
She leaned forward in her chair, rested an arm against her desk and her chin against her wrist, and pressed Play.
Rain.
Shells flying.
A girl, running in the mud.
A leap into a raging river.
And then, finally...
Kuromorimine Girls' Academy's Panzer VI "Tiger" flag tank is no longer operable. Pravda High School wins the match and the 62nd Japanese National Sensha-Do Tournament…
She stared blankly at the screen for what felt like an eternity, even as the recording ended and blackness filled the screen, until finally she sighed and turned the computer off. She grabbed her Sensha-Do jacket from its hanger, and left the apartment.
Azusa put her pen down and picked up the piece of paper before her. She had already finished her homework days ago, and she knew that she had learned it all by heart. Still, she had decided to revise once more after returning from practice. It was always a good idea to revise.
It's what Irisa would have done.
She sighed, and put her homework down. It was all correct, as she knew it would be. She leaned back, and glanced at the picture frame on her desk, and the image of her sister in it. Her short brown hair, dark brown eyes, and smiling face, frozen in time forever. It was like staring into a mirror. Except that in a mirror, it was the image you saw that was hollow and flat, not the one staring into it.
"I hope you're happy. Even now, you're still better than me..." she said in a low, solemn voice. Even though she had spent years of her life making sure she was exactly what the world wanted from her; another Irisa, she was still failing. Her grades were good, but not as good as Irisa's. She was polite and courteous, but not as much as Irisa. She was mature and serious, but not as much as Irisa.
She sighed, and took out a small piece of cloth from a drawer, picking the photograph up and cleaning off the thin layer of dust. "I'm sorry…" she said under her breath. "I'm really sorry. I didn't mean it…"
She looked at the photo once more, and gave it a short hug before returning it to its place on the desk. It didn't matter what she had meant or not meant. She knew that. But she still couldn't shake that feeling of guilt she felt every time she looked at her sister's smile.
"It's not fair," she muttered, and thought of Maho. Maho, whose sister was still alive and well. Maho, who thought she was a coward and a failure. Azusa cursed quietly to herself. She was gonna show Maho. She was going to show her just how wrong she was.
She paused for a moment, and realized she had started to pace back and forth in her room. She shook her head a few times, and tried to clear her mind, but it kept on returning to Maho.
"Why do I care what she thinks?" she said bitterly. "She doesn't know a thing about me…"
It was true. Maho knew nothing about Azusa, knew nothing about Irisa, knew nothing about being trapped by the world, knew nothing about loss.
So why did she care so much about what Maho thought?
Why did she feel guilty whenever she passed her in the halls, or walked into the tank garage?
A knock on the door made her abandon her thoughts, and she took a moment to calm herself before walking over to open it. Presumably it was Aya who wanted to borrow something or just chat.
"I'm coming!" she called, and opened the door.
"Hello, Azusa."
Azusa stood frozen for a moment, and stared blankly out into the hall, the hollow feeling of guilt filling her chest once more.
"G-... Go away!" Without a moment's hesitation, she threw every ounce of her strength into slamming the door shut right in Maho's face.
"Wait!"
Before Azusa could get the door shut once more, Maho had already put her foot in the way, and started pushing back. After a second or two, it became apparent to them both that Maho was the stronger of the two, and Azusa sighed bitterly as she gave in and let go of the door.
"What do you want?" she asked in a low growl.
"This is stupid, Azusa," Maho said in a calm but resigned tone, and looked away as she took a careful step inside the dorm room. "I've been childish and stupid, and well... I came to apologize."
"You… you did?"
"Yeah…" Maho still didn't meet Azusa's eyes, but there didn't seem to be anything disingenuous in her voice as she spoke. "Look… I'm not good at this, OK? I never was. Sure, I was angry when I found out about you and the Pipsqueak, but it doesn't matter. I've let this grow way out of proportion, and I'm not exactly guiltless here either. I've been treating you like you're nothing, and acting like I'm flawless, neither of which is true, and…—" She sighed. "— and so… so yeah… I've been acting childish, and stupid, and stubborn, and… and..." She paused for a moment. Then another. A third moment passed, and Azusa could see Maho's hands tighten into fists. Finally, Maho let her gaze rise from the floor. "And… and well, it seems I have a knack for driving people away, and I'm tired of it. So... I'm sorry, Azusa… for everything..."
Azusa didn't know what to say. She tried to speak, but no words would come. Not even her seemingly endless reserve of pent-up anger seemed able to break through. She simply stood there, staring with her mouth slightly agape. Her mind had still hung itself up on a single word.
Childish.
Yes.
Maho had been acting childish. Ever since that day, after their first battle of the tournament, Maho hadn't been the older, more mature and experienced commander Azusa had first gotten to know. She had been acting like a child. An insolent, bratty, and entitled child. At least towards Azusa. As her mind raced, she began to feel all that anger she had buried and hidden away for so long begin to boil and fester within her once more. Sure, she was angry at Maho for being childish. But that was barely a drop in the Pacific compared to what she was really getting angry over.
The fact that she was just as guilty of the same crime herself.
Despite everything she had done, everything she had told herself ever since Irisa passed away. Everything she had tried to make sure the world wouldn't be left with the petulant child who wished her sister away, but that it would at least get something that could pass for the mature and serious older sister that Azusa had taken away.
Despite all of that, she was still a child, and she still acted like one.
A violent storm of emotions filled her chest and began to rip and tear her apart from the inside as she stared the truth in the eyes.
Remorse. Regret. Envy. Yearning. Misery. Aspiration. Admiration. Shame. Self-Hatred.
She felt her legs give way, and she collapsed to her knees, hunched over and crying on the floor.
"Dammit…" she whispered to herself. "Dammit, dammit, DAMMIT!" Her voice kept strengthening with each repetition, until she almost roared and slammed her fist into the floor.
"Hey, hey… Azusa…" Maho said in a low voice, kneeling down beside her. "It's fine-"
"No, it's not! It's not fine, and it's not fair!" Azusa cried, and knocked Maho's hand away. "I'm just pitiful, and I'm just going to be a disappointment forever, and none of it's-"
She didn't get any further. Maho's shoulder swallowed her words and her tears, and even though she struggled to get free, maho was the stronger of the two, and her embrace kept her there.
"Just… just let it out…" Maho said slowly, as if she herself wasn't sure, and they just sat there for a while longer as Azusa cried. Finally, her tears began to dry up and strength started to return to her legs, as Maho let go of her and helped her up.
"Th-... thanks…" she stammered out, still avoiding Maho's gaze. Not that either of them seemed completely confident in their role in the situation.
"Don't… don't mention it…" Maho answered. "Are you… are you feeling better?"
"Let's go for a walk, OK?"
"I'm… I also want to apologize…" Azusa said as they walked through the moonlit streets of the Zuikaku. "I was childish too. I shouldn't have gotten so angry over your sister…"
"It's… it's fine… I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth, even if it was just a lie of omission," Maho sighed. "So I guess… Maybe we try again? No more lies, from either of us?"
"I… I guess so…"
"Thank you, Azusa… But, believe me," Maho said, and looked up wistfully to the night sky, "she wasn't always like that…"
"Right. You said I reminded you of her, right? Of what she used to be like?"
"Yeah, I did," Maho replied. "Although, now I realize I was wrong." In the corner of her eye, she saw Azusa's gaze fall to the ground. "You don't remind me of Miho," Maho continued. "You remind me of Koume."
"Koume?" asked, and looked up in confusion. "Who's that?"
"She was my vice commander back at Kuromorimine. And my best friend…" Maho said solemnly. "She always had my back, no matter what. Always believed in me, every step of the way. And I let her down…"
"Oh… I'm… I'm sorry…" Azusa answered in a low voice. "What… what was she like?"
"She's one of the kindest people I know," Maho replied. "She's determined and fierce, never letting anything stop her from helping others. And she's loyal to a fault…"
"So… what happened?"
"You said you watched my old matches. Did you watch the finals from last years tournament?"
"No… I don't think so…"
"You'd remember if you did," Maho said with a sad chuckle. "I-... I mean, we, decimated Pravda in the opening engagement, and chased the rest of their forces along a small plateau. The battle was pretty much already decided, but I got cocky and ordered the team to close in anyway... Koume's tank took a bad hit and fell off the plateau into a river, and for some reason the judges didn't call a ceasefire. I left the flag tank and jumped in after her, but when I got back to the surface, Pravda had taken out our flag tank."
"And… and what about…"
"Koume's fine. So were the rest of her crew," Maho replied with a reassuring nod. "Another of our friends however, Koume's driver… she didn't make it out of the tank, and last I heard she was still in a coma…"
"I'm sorry…."
"Yeah…" Maho said solemnly. "After that, I was replaced as commander by Miho, and I left Kuromorimine."
"And Koume?"
"She stayed. Her and her crew tried to stick around, to fight back against Miho's way of doing Sensha-Do. But my family saw to that. In the end, they got expelled."
"That's… that's horrible…"
"Yeah, it was," Maho sighed. "But the worst part is that, despite everything, Koume still believed in me. She came to visit me a while after the Saunders-battle, and well… she beat the crap out of me." Azusa looked like she was about to launch into a tirade of questions, but Maho put up a hand to stop her before she could raise her voice. "I deserved it," she continued. "I was being a selfish wreck, and she was the only one who actually managed to pull me out of it."
They walked in silence for a few minutes, before Maho began to speak again.
"What about you?" she asked, and glanced over to Azusa.
"Huh? What about me?"
"Your sister," Maho clarified. "You… you've mentioned her a few times, but, well… what was she like?"
Azusa didn't answer at first, and instead just continued in silence. "She was… mature, I guess," she finally said. "She had good grades, was serious and polite, and she was pretty much perfect in every way." Azusa sighed and paused for a few moments before continuing. "Meanwhile, I was just an immature kid, the flip side of the coin to her."
"I'm guessing she was older?"
"Yeah…" Azusa replied. "She would have been 22 this year…"
"What… what happened?" Maho asked. "If… if you don't mind, that is…"
"It was an accident," Azusa said shortly. "We were in the car, and a lorry didn't brake properly at an intersection."
"Oh… I'm really sorry…"
"Thanks…" Azusa mumbled. "I've tried to be more like her. To make sure Mom and Dad don't miss her too much… But, well… She was always better than me. Especially at being her…"
The conversation died down once more, and the walk continued in silence, the only sound being the faint lapping of waves against the Zuikaku's hull far below, and the cries of a few seagulls.
"So," Azusa asked, somewhat uncomfortably after a while, "what's… what's the deal with you and Anzio's commander?"
"What do you mean?" Maho said nonchalantly, and looked out to sea.
"Maho…"
"Fine. I... we... I mean... she..." Maho sighed. "We used to be dating... before... before everything happened." She stopped and leaned against the railing, looking wistfully out across the ocean as she continued. "I owe her everything, I guess."
"What do you mean?"
"She was the one who opened my eyes. I thought I knew what the world was like, and what my role in it was... and then she came along. After that... I don't know... it was as if I had been living in unending rain, and she parted the clouds and showed me the sun for the first time. It was almost like... like whenever I was with her, everything I had been taught to think was right seemed wrong, and everything wrong seemed right..."
Azusa snorted, but the hand she covered her mouth with couldn't hide her giggles.
"What?!" Maho said bitterly.
"Sorry… It's just… For a second there, you almost sounded like a normal highschooler."
"Gee, thanks…" Maho muttered and rolled her eyes.
They remained there for a while longer, not really speaking as much as just standing there, looking out at the moon and stars, both in the sky and their reflections on the ocean. But after a while, they both simply glanced at one another, and the walk continued in silence.
A while later, just as they were about to turn around and make their way back home, they both paused as they realized where their feet had taken them. It barely took more than a look and a nod, and they wordlessly walked into the small playground.
"It's been a while, huh?" Maho said quietly as they sat down on the swings.
"Yeah… sure has…" Azusa replied, leaning back and forth slightly restlessly.
"Something the matter?" Maho asked. "If there's something I've done, you need to tell me-"
"No, it's… it's not you…" Azusa mumbled. "It's me…"
"What do you mean?"
"It's… it's… I don't know." She sighed. "It's just… whenever I see you, orgo to practice… I just feel guilty. And I don't know why…"
"Huh…" Maho mumbled with a small nod, and swung back and forth a few times as she thought. "Can… can I ask you something?"
"Sure… I guess…" Azusa replied.
"You keep on saying you're doing your best to be like your sister. That everyone just wants you to be like her… or, like Miho, I guess, in my case..." Maho added with a guilty expression.
"Yeah…"
"I'm guessing your sister never did Sensha-Do?"
"No…" Azusa said quietly. "No, that was never her thing. Not that there was a team here even if it had been… Why?"
"I guess… I guess I mean…" Maho sighed, and looked away for a moment. "Look, what I'm saying is maybe… maybe you feel guilty because you're spending time on something that your sister wouldn't have?"
Azusa didn't answer, and instead just leaned back and stared silently up at the night sky, before she pushed herself back a few steps, and started to slowly swing back and forth.
"I'm not saying you should quit the team…" Maho clarified after a while, when it became evident no answer would come. "Just… you know… maybe you shouldn't care too much about what everyone else thinks you should be and do?" She felt a sting of guilt herself, knowing that she had been guilty of the same crime for most of her life, doing everything in her power to be what her mother wanted her to be.
Again, Azusa didn't answer, but she did stop swinging and gently came to a halt in her silence.
"Azusa…"
"Yeah…" Azusa sighed. "I know…"
"Azus-"
"I know, OK?!" she yelled, and let her face collapse into her hands. "Sorry…"
"It's fine," Maho said calmly, and reached out a hand to Azusa's shoulder.
"It's just… I never had any goal. I never had any drive, or ambition, or anything. There was nothing I wanted to do. I just followed on whatever everyone else said… And then… then…" she paused, and sighed. "Then Irisa died…. And, at least… at least that gave me something to do. I was gonna give the world Irisa back."
"And that's what you want with your life?" Maho asked quietly. "To just be someone else?"
"I don't know…"
"Azusa…"
"I don't know…"
"Azu-"
"I don't know, alright!? I don't know!" Azusa cried.
"Azusa," Maho said forcefully, and pulled on Azusa's shoulder to lift her face up. "What do you want to do?"
"I don't know…" Azusa said quietly. "I like Sensha-Do. I like being in a tank. I like being useful to my team, and guiding my friends. I want to be brave and strong enough that I'll never run away again, and that I'll be able to protect everyone on the team…" She looked over to Maho, and sniffled as she wiped her eyes. "I want to become a better tank commander. I want to keep pushing, to grow even further. I want to catch up with you, and become even better… It's just… I don't know if I can..."
Maho smiled, and nodded as she gave Azusa a calm pat on the back.
"I was younger than you are now, when I was given my first command," she said solemnly, and looked up at the moon. "I led my team straight into a massacre. I witnessed our loss firsthand. I made every mistake, and felt the shame rise in me..."
"But I…" Azusa said, astonished. "I thought you never lost a match before?"
"Oh, I did…" Maho answered. "Once. When I turned 8, my mother arranged a match between some of her students. I was given command of one of the teams. It was the first time I had ever commanded a tank, and, well… It didn't go well..." She could feel the memory of the following evening flare up before her mind's eye, the scar on her back erupting into searing pain as the "lesson" made itself known to her once more.
Her first "lesson".
A Nishizumi doesn't lose…
Before coming to Ooarai, it was the first and only battle she had ever considered herself to have lost. The finals last year didn't count.
"But, surely you can't have been expected to win? It sounds more like some weird kind of Kobayashi Maru than an actual battle."
"My sister won…" Maho replied. "So did my mother… It's a secret Nishizumi tradition. To test your skill and ability. It's not something you're supposed to fail...
"Oh… I… I didn't know that…" Azusa said in a low voice.
"Not many do," Maho shrugged.
"Wait… you said you were 8?" Azusa asked. "Isn't Sensha-Do prohibited for anyone not in at least 4th grade?"
"It's kept secret for a reason," Maho replied with a sigh. "And maybe there was something I could have done differently back then. Maybe I just wasn't good enough. Maybe I'm still not. I don't know. But I do know one thing: you have everything it takes to be a first-class Sensha-Do commander, and more."
"You really mean that?" Azusa asked, and looked away with a pout.
"We did agree not to lie, didn't we?"
"Yeah… I guess so…" She paused for a moment, before looking back. "Thanks, Maho… And… and sorry again, for everything…"
"Don't be. We were both to blame."
They sat there for a while longer, talking about this and that, and sometimes not talking at all, just sitting there together and taking in the cool air of the summer night, even as blackness slowly started to leave the sky and the horizon began to bloom in reds and pinks.
"So, what's your plan for the semis?"
"I don't know," Maho said calmly. "My only plan right now is to win." She sighed, shook her head, and chuckled. "I've been looking forward to a rematch for far too long. Even if I didn't realize it myself…"
"You know…" Azusa smirked, and looked at Maho, "even though I wasn't there to help you last time, I'll be making up for that now."
"I know…" Maho said softly. "I know. If you had been there, maybe things would have gone differently." She got up from the swing, and took a step over to Azusa. "So, once more into the breach then. As friends?" She held a hand out towards the younger girl. "Together?"
Azusa nodded confidently, and rose from her own seat as she accepted Maho's hand.
"Together."
Next time on Dein Weg ist Mein Weg: Snowstorm Katyusha takes to the field, and where she goes, more than blizzards follow: So do the rumble of a hundred T-34s. The semi finals are here, and so are Pravda!
Author's Notes:
Hello everyone. This chapter has haunted me for the past two months, as I've been questioning a lot of my own writing. Most of that has been because of Azusa. Now, I genuinely like where I've taken her character and her relationship with Maho, but I've also doubted if I've really been able to make them justice, even to the point of mild depression. So in the end, I just decided to try my best to counteract my perfectionist tendencies, and simply write as good of a chapter as I could so that I can move on and continue the story.
Now, with that out of the way, I bring you one of the beefiest chapters in the entire fic so far, finally resolving a subplot that's been with us ever since the Saunders-battle, and in some ways even before that. I hope it meets with all of your approval.
That's really all I'll say on the chapter's story this time, because I do have some other important things to talk about.
One is that it has now been exactly one year since I published the first chapter, and I want to thank every single one of you for reading, favoriting, following, and reviewing it. It warms my heart so incredibly to have you all following along through this story. Another is that we've now passed a quarter of a million words in this series, with quite a while to go until the end, which is incredible.
However, with all good news there must come bad ones as well. In about a week, I'll be going back to university, and so I don't know how much time I will have to write. I still hope that I'll be able to keep posting a new chapter every month or so, but if chapters start to become a bit more sporadic, that is why, and I hope you will all be patient with me.
I thank you all once more for your incredible support, and hope to see you all back here again whenever the next chapter comes out. Please leave a review if you can and want, it really does warm my heart so incredibly to read your thoughts.
I bid you farewell for now, and here's to another year of Maho and Phoenix team!
/Rihno