Author's note:

This fic was created for the Shadowhunters Mini Bang 2021: Presented by the Malec Discord Server. This work is cross-posted at AO3. MASSIVE THANK YOU to my wonderful, amazing, magical Beta Em (MoonlightBreeze in ao3) for giving me and my fic a chance. I couldn't do this without you. Love you, Em.

Trigger warning : Major Character Death

Hope you'll enjoy :)

It was a quiet day in the New York Institute. No demon alarms blaring, no shadowhunters running around in panic; even the training room was empty. Everything was blessedly calm, but a sense of dread coalesced in the air, like something was hanging on a knife-edge. Then, it all changed as the front door burst open and the Inquisitor ran inside carrying someone in his arms.

Alec was still panting, his active speed rune sending a constant flow of energy coursing through his already adrenaline-fueled body. He thought he heard shouting, but his ears were ringing with white-hot noise. His knees gave out, sending him careening to the floor like a man whose entire world had just collapsed on him. Yet, his movements remained gentle as he laid down the person in his embrace. Amidst the chaos, he saw someone leaving for Isabelle's office. He would prefer to be the one to tell her the news, but he didn't know if he could even stand, let alone walk. Heart beating a mile a minute, he choked out the tears he had been holding inside.

He saw Jace run towards him, his hair still damp from a shower. He wasted no time dropping to his knees next to Alec and wrapped his arms around his crying parabatai. Not long after, Isabelle walked in, followed by Simon and Clary. Jace was trying to put up a brave face for everyone else, but a drop of tear slipped from his eye nonetheless. Simon and Clary were hugging each other tightly as they cried. However, Izzy only stood there silently, her eyes glassy and mouth wide open in shock. Even some shadowhunters on duty manning the Ops Center were looking down in sadness. No one dared to say a word; some even went as far as to leave the room entirely to give the family their privacy.

No one could believe it, even seeing him, seeing the actual proof in front of their eyes. They couldn't bring themselves to believe it.

Alec still hadn't let go of him, his palm still resting on his torso, scared that letting go would make it real. That he really was gone, that the love of his life had left him. His body felt like it could be toppled by the softest of winds, only anchored by Jace's arm on his shoulder. It was oddly reminiscent as when Magnus left for Edom; a fact that just made him cry even harder.

Everything happened so fast. He had just brought him inside and then, the next second, they were already being hustled to the infirmary. People were called, plans were made. Everyone who was anyone in the Shadow World was informed of Magnus Lightwood-Bane's death.

"Alec, it's already 5 PM. You didn't even eat breakfast today." Alec opened his eyes upon hearing her voice and seeing the tray she held in her hands. He yawned and his hand subconsciously reached out next to him, only to freeze halfway when he felt emptiness where there was supposed to be someone who is always ready to provide him with a warm, loving smile. His sleep-addled brain took a few seconds before it finally recalled the day's events.

Seeing her big brother fall apart in front of her made Izzy rush forward and envelop him in a hug. Alec could feel his tears soaking the back of her leather jacket, yet she just held on tight until his crying was slowly reduced to sniffles.

"I want to see him," he managed to choke out through his still-raspy throat. He saw the pitying look enter Izzy's eyes, and he formed his expression into something resembling stern before she could protest. "Now, Izzy." He must have really looked pathetic when his sister immediately folded and raised her hands in defeat.

"Okay, but you should eat first or I am not letting you out this door."

Right, food. Focus on that before anything else. Easier said than done. The words "Nephilim love only once" kept ringing in his head, an endless loop that his mind felt dizzy with. He barely noticed the sound of his spoon and fork clinking on the plate, nor the food that only tasted like ash in his mouth.

The drizzle outside pitter-pattered on the window, the sky a gloomy gray, as if even the heavens themselves were sympathizing with her brother's grief.

Isabelle didn't leave the room; instead, she sat on a sofa near the door. She stayed there to make sure he actually ate the food she brought him. Her heart ached to see his slumped posture and empty gaze, to see her headstrong brother reduced to this. He looked like the perfect picture of a widower. Which is exactly what he was, she supposed, though she never had expected this day to come so soon, or ever.

She thought it was going to be the other way around - that in a few decades down the road, she would see Magnus in this exact position, hopefully being comforted by his and Alec's children. Yet, 4 years was all they had together. How was any of this fair?

Only last week, she had heard the two of them discussing adoption. Izzy had to run in her haste to tell Jace that they were going to have a new nephew/ niece, excitedly talking about how they would spoil and love them with all of their hearts. It brought tears anew, knowing that those dreams would only ever remain that, a dream.

She would never get to see Alec be the best father ever to a child who would love both of their fathers as much as their tiny heart could allow. She was never going to see Alec teach his son or daughter how to use a bow, or Magnus teach them makeup, or Jace tell them how ducks are bloodthirsty beasts, or Clary buy them their first set of crayon, or even Simon geek out over Star Wars with them. Most importantly, she would never be able to tell that child stories about their amazing parents and tell them just how lucky she was to be their aunt.

In front of her, Alec was still eating half-heartedly, his spoon and fork performing a slow dance to a tragic tune only he could hear, with the occasional scooping into his mouth. Sad as she was to see him like this, she still had to force him to eat because he had collapsed a few hours prior in the Ops. The exhaustion and grief had caught up to him, and he toppled forward onto his husband. Even asleep, his body instinctually closed any distance with Magnus, refusing to be apart from him a second more than necessary. Jace had soon wrapped his arms under Alec's shoulders and knees to lift his passed out parabatai and carry him to his bedroom in the Institute. Everyone could clearly see how Alec's hand reached out for Magnus. Clary's mournful cries grew louder, and Jace's face was harder than marble.

She was forced out of her thoughts by the sound of Alec clearing his throat; he was evidently finished with his meal. She could see that it was still three-quarters full, but chose not to mention it. Isabelle stopped herself from reaching out to offer him a hand, deciding not to as she was aware that Alec was grasping at straws for something he could actually control right now.

The two siblings walked quietly together to the infirmary, all of the shadowhunters giving them a wide berth as they strode past. She chanced a quick glance at her brother as she grasped the doorknob. "You ready?"

"No, but I just need to see him, Iz." She was still reluctant, but opened the door anyway. It could lead to either closure for Alec, or eternal hauntings of what-ifs.

Alec didn't know what he thought he would see inside. His husband's face smiling at him? His body hooked up to a lot of monitors but alive? Anything but this, his body covered by a thin sheet of white while Catarina stood next to the bed. Alec saw his own sadness and grief mirrored in her eyes, and he went around the bed to envelop her in a hug. She was probably one of the very few people who would take Magnus' death as hard as him. He and Cat had developed a strong friendship in the last few years, built through sharing silly stories of Magnus even when he was sitting right next to them. His heavy protests fell on deaf ears as they all knew that he was actually happy to see his husband and best friend get along, even at the cost of his own dignity.

After they separated, Cat patted his shoulder and said, "I'm going to go grab some coffee, you want some?" She left after getting his affirmative nod.

Now, the room was empty. Just him and Magnus. Why did his throat suddenly feel clogged up? He knew what he had to do, yet his heart was constantly putting it off. He knew he was scared, more than anything, of all the hurt to come. He just wanted to run away and hide in the loft so he could be safe, where everything was Magnus.

But he was here now. So, he lifted the sheet before he could lose his nerve, and then he was looking straight at Magnus. Magnus' face was devoid of any makeup, his eyes closed. He looked so peaceful that Alec could almost believe he was just asleep if he didn't know better.

He thought his tear glands had dried up with how much he had cried, but no. He sighed heavily. He still had enough to cry one more time. Alec brushed strands of hair away from his eyes and spoke, "Magnus, cintaku. Raziel, Magnus, I love you so much; more than I could ever imagine, more than I thought myself capable of. You are my biggest dream and my most wonderful reality. My first and last thought every single day. I knew it back then, and I know now that I truly can't live without you."

"If you are watching right now, then I am so sorry. I'm sorry that you have to watch me like this. You always hated to see me cry. You would've wanted me to be strong, to celebrate your life instead of mourning what we could've had. But I just can't." He could hear how his own voice was breaking, in tandem with the further breaking of his already shattered heart.

"I can't." He shook his head as tears flooded his vision once more. "I can't let you go, Magnus."

"I don't want this to be a goodbye. So, sayang, I will await the day I see you again." Alec bent down to peck his forehead, and then he felt something not unlike the sensation of a thumb wiping away a stray tear. His fingers moved to touch his own cheek. The tear was still there, but he knew what he felt. He couldn't help the pleased shiver that ran through him at the implication.

If they had asked him, when he was still alive, where he thought he would go when he died, Magnus would have answered that he was destined for Hell with all of the fiery damnation that it entailed. Although, a tiny piece of himself hoped that he would end up in the Silver City, along with all of the heavenly pleasures that reside within. That he would be able to reunite with his darling Alexander once more, eventually.

However, the universe clearly had other plans. He died first. Rather unceremoniously, in his opinion. By Circle sympathizers, no less, who still believed in Valentine's doctrines even years after his death.

They caught him off guard; he had used up all of his magic doing a task for a client. He walked the remaining distance to the loft, seeing as it was only a few blocks away. Unfortunately, he got ambushed halfway. He fought back, obviously. But in a fight of ten against one, he couldn't overpower them without his magic.

His only regret was that Alexander was the one who found him, bleeding out in an alley. All of the blood stained his expensive silk blouse beyond recognition. Although, he was happy that he died in his favorite place in the world, in the strong arms of his beloved husband.

Which all lead to here, him standing in white nothingness. Really, he expected death to be more interesting. No wonder most people are scared of it. He would've been too, if he knew just how utterly boring it is.

He flopped gracelessly to the floor and sat spread-eagled. He normally would maintain a modicum of grace, but no one was there to see him anyhow. Also, his outfit. Thank God no one could see. He expected his afterlife outfit to be his favourite red blazer, or maybe the vest and tailcoat combo he wore on the best day of his life. None of it came true, of course, as he sat wearing Alexander's favorite hoodie, the ridiculously comfy one with the holes. He sighed exasperatedly. Maybe this was what he got for marrying a shadowhunter with no fashion sense whatsoever.

It could've been minutes or hours, though he was more inclined to believe that it had been years with how bored he felt, before he felt a tug and the white nothingness left his vision.

Magnus' vision refocused once more, seeing a very familiar sight. His pretty shadowhunter was standing over his body, crying so hard his body shook with it. He moved to brush the tear from under his eye, but his fingers went right through. He wished he could hear what Alexander was saying, yet everything sounded muffled. The love of his life was directly in front of him, but he had never felt farther apart.

It was a new form of torture for Magnus - seeing teardrops stream down that gorgeous face, while he himself was only able to stand there and watch.