Hachiman's POV

Why? Just why? She really had to do that. My face still feels very hot even while walking outside in this cold weather. I don't even want to think about how I look. My face must be red as hell. It's not fair, you know? You can't just...kiss someone out of the blue, right? That never happens in real life. What is this, some sort of anime?

Ugh. It's not like I don't like Yuigahama...Damn it. You'd think that when a pretty girl kisses you outta nowhere, you'd go nuts. I am going nuts, just not in the way you're thinking. I had...no real reason to turn her down. She's nice, pretty, and outgoing. It's a given, right? I should be elated. That makes me the asshole in this situation, right? But...it's just that I don't see her that way. I don't really see anyone that way, not since what happened in middle school. I...I don't want to go through that again. Damn it all. She is probably feeling the exact same thing that made me the way I am. Confusion, sadness, and...heartbreak.

I need to clear my head. I'll talk to them tomorrow and apologize for the way I acted. The last thing I want is Yui to hate me. Actually, I'm fine with that. If anything, I don't want her to turn into a cynical loner like me. Apologize, huh...man, this is gonna suck. I don't even know what to say the next time I see them. Maybe I'll just tell Hiratsuka that I'm sick and need to miss school for a week, no, for the entire year maybe? I dunno.

Stay cool, Hachiman. Just gotta think. I started toward home. Wait, no. That's a horrible idea given the fact Komachi saw what happened. I don't want to deal with her. I love her to death but I know exactly what she's gonna do! She's gonna run her mouth all night and I won't hear the end of it. I can already hear her annoying (yet cute and lovable) voice in my head.

"Onii-chan! You finally did it! I thought I would have to take care of you until I'm old! But now you finally found a girl! I'll finally have a sister in law! I'm so proud of you, even though you're still a hopeless mess and a piece of trash! Hahahaha!"

Then she'll talk about introducing Yui to the folks, then about marriage and all that other crap. Hmmm. I'm surprised that she didn't make a fool out of me right then and there in the classroom. She just slammed the door and ran off, which is kind of weird I guess? Maybe she was in a hurry to get the news out. Idiot.

Anyway, that is definitely something I don't want to deal with right now. Actually, I don't really feel like being around anyone if I'm being honest. Hmm. I know I have to go home eventually but I'm going to kill some time and get my bearings. It'll give me time to find a way to...clear up this misunderstanding.

Komachi's POV

Ughh...I felt my eyes slowly flutter open. Everything hurts. My knees itched and I saw newly formed and unfamiliar scabs on them. My forehead throbbed and I gingerly touched my brow. Tch...ouch. What happened? I slowly stood up and looked out the window. It was almost dark. I should start making dinner before Hachi-...and just like that, everything came back in a flash. A wave of nausea hit me as I started to recall the events that happened earlier.

The image in my mind was so vivid it felt like I was reliving it. How Yui was so close to Hachiman...how her face was pressed against his...how she locked lips with him. The nauseating pit in my stomach grew worse and I felt like throwing up. That...bitch. I hate her so much. I wanted to...what the hell am I thinking? Yui is a great person and I shouldn't feel this way toward her...right?

I turned towards the mirror sitting on my desk. My reflection looked back at me. Disheveled and bloodshot. So ugly. I am so ugly. I couldn't help but start to cry.

Hachiman finally found his chance to be happy. So I should be happy, right? Why am I not happy? Did I even feel this way before? I always knew this day would come and I told myself I would be overjoyed. So why? Am I afraid that he won't spend time with me? Am I scared that he won't bother talking to me anymore? Am I that selfish?

My mind was swimming in all these questions but I already knew the answer, of course. And that made me feel even worse. It's because I love him...and not in a way that's considered right.

The ugly truth surfaced and I only now realized these feelings after I saw that he was going to be taken from me. Yet I always pushed him to find a girl to be with. It's so ironic and hypocritical that I almost feel like laughing.

I'm such a sick person. I wish I could make these feelings disappear. It's so wrong.

But I love him. I love him more than he could ever know. I want him to be happy...but I want him to be happy with me. Is that so wrong? To spend time with the one person on Earth that makes you feel special? No, I can't think that way. That possibility of a happy ending ended the moment I developed feelings for...something that shouldn't exist.

The nausea is gone but my heart has never ached so bad. Is this what Hachiman felt when that one girl turned him down? I don't know how to describe it but it's like the feeling of seeing something you could never have.

I took a deep breath and started to come to my senses. I felt calm but I also felt very empty at the same time. I don't want Hachiman to see me like this. If he did, he'd start asking what happened and I really don't want to have to explain myself...and lie about how I truly felt. Although, I'm going to end up lying eventually anyway. He can never know about how I feel. That's just how it's going to be. I glanced at the clock on the wall. It's late and it's almost nine. Onii-chan should've been home a while ago. He must be with Yui. I felt my mind going into a trance again and that all too familiar feeling in my chest came back but I quickly shook myself out of it. I'd better go clean myself up and get to dinner…

It's short but I hope it's better than nothing. I'll try to finish this story and the other Oregairu fic that I made (or not?). Thanks for reading guys. Apologies for any mistakes.