In the beginning it was so dark. So cold. So lonely.

Then out of nowhere a hand reached down, pulling me out of the filth I was born into.

Patton was the sweetest person I'd ever met and he led me into a world of belonging.

I was Jack, seeing Christmas for the first time.

"C'mon, Virg!" Roman laughed, holding his broadsword up as he ran, Patton and Logan keeping up beside him.

I'm trying to follow, but a hand grabs me, scales scratching my hand.

I reach out after them, but they don't hear me and soon disappear.

There's a hand on my shoulder, covered in moss and slime.

"So you found a place where the grass is greener, and you jumped the fence to the other side. Is it good? Are they giving you a world I could never provide?" gold eyes pierce my soul, dragging me back into the depths.

"Stop chasing the love of these humans, who made you feel wanted!" a stench wafts from behind me as I'm pushed to the ground.

I'd never seen real color before. Sure I lived in blacks and greens and yellows, but they were rotten, ugly colors.

Yellow, the color of old mustard.

Green, the color of sludge.

Black, the color of loneliness.

But then, when I'd lost all hope. A sword cut the blindfold from my eyes

Roman was so strong and brave and I felt his love like a soft blanket on a cold winter night

Red, the color of sunrise.

Blue the color of the sky on a sunny day.

Dark blue, the color of nebulas and galaxies spinning.

"Virgil, where are you?" Logan inquires, shading his eyes from the sunlight that I can't see. "Virgil, it is unwise to get lost! We must go soon."

I can see him clearly, a beacon shining out through the darkness as hands wrap around my mouth.

I can't call out. Maybe I never could. I was naive to think I could leave. There is no exit for Hell.

It was always a one way road.

"Oh, Virgil," lips brush my ear, the mustache tickling my neck. "Tell me how you're sleeping easy, how you're only thinking of yourself!"

"Believe me, I know, I've sunk pretty low," a cold scaly cheek brushes against my own. "But whatever I've done you deserve."

I didn't know that it wasn't normal. I didn't know that I wasn't normal.

Then a book was tossed in my lap and I learned. I learned that I was loved. I learned that I was allowed to be happy. Allowed to openly be myself.

He was so smart and I was so happy to be on his side. He defeated every obstacle he faced and never even raced a fist.

"Virge! Virgil! C'mon!" Patton's getting nervous now, they still can't see me, or the smog around me..

How is it that I can see them, but they can't see me? I'd be okay with being dragged back, but to see them panic as they realize I'm missing…

"This is why you can't be with them," so smooth and treacherous. "We start believing that we belong, but every sun doesn't rise and no one tells you where you went wrong."

Is he wrong though? They all expect me to be so good. So perfect. And I can only let them down. Roman is always horrible to me, but he was so good about it, always making it sound like a joke, then apologizing for it. Patton lies to me on a regular basis, Logan and I are always fighting.

In the end, are they any better than the others? At least they all hate me openly.

But I'm so desperate.

And a part of me doesn't care if they hate me, because even if they stab me in the back in the end, isn't it better that I had the illusion of belonging.

I feel like I'm the rope in a game of tug-of-war, being pulled in two directions.

Maybe I don't belong to either.

They were always so happy in the dark, reveling in it. And I did too… Sometimes.

But being good doesn't come easy to me. Sometimes it's really hard.

But I've hesitated too long and I know what the answer is.

I've got friends on the other side.

Friends… What a joke.

I don't have friends.

All of them put so much work into me to make me a better person, to make me more like them., but in the end they just wasted their time and I've hurt them, betrayed their trust. Disappointed them.

That's why they keep moving on while I'm being held back. Not because I can't follow, but because I refuse to. I'm lying to all of them, holding on to the darkness of my past and revelling in it. But they never gave up. They want me, even now after I've left them.

"What did you do with my heart?"

There's cackling behind me and I know exactly who he is and I know. I know. That orange burn that crackles like a fire and only serves to light the dark so I can see the horrors.

"This vampire bat, this inhuman beast. He oughta be locked. And never released!"

He drags me down and I scream, lurching to get away from him.

In my attempt to escape, I wake up, covered in sweat. I'm still here. Still in my bedroom with it's purple walls and fairy lights.

A gift. From Patton.

"Virgil!"

"Virge?"

"What's wrong!"

Three figures stand in the doorway and for a second I panic, scrambling to get away from them, but in a second my eyes adjust.

My friends.

It was just a dream. But it isn't really because it never is. Not here, not anywhere. At least for us.

"He's coming."