The following is a non-profit work of fiction based on a much greater work. My Hero Academia is owned by Funimation, Studio Bones, Viz Media, Shueisha, and Kohei Horikoshi. Please support the official release.

Like many Hero Festivals before, the course took an entire hour before everyone finished it. The entire course was a convoluted mess of obstacles made to show off the participants' Quirk. Fun Fact: Izuku had no Quirk. Like a suit preying on the weak and penniless, Izuku took advantage of the loophole and ran around everything. That and he sabotaged most of the obstacles in his way. Many Hero-Types fell to their failure due to loosened rope anchors at the 'Bottomless Pit' and were blown to hell in the 'Explosion Walk' area. It was a simple setting change using a wireless remote. What was meant to be a 'cool walk away from an explosion' section became a literal minefield of powerful smoke bombs. It brought Izuku to hysteria and tears when Tenya stepped in the first landmine and was sent flying into the surrounding forest when he was watching the competition on his phone.

He took five minutes to finish four kilometers in a full sprint, mostly fueled by the prize of 100 million Yen if he gets past the second round of the Third Event, aka the Fighting Tournament. Not like it mattered. These Hero-Types always try to fight with honor, despite their fights causing more collateral damage than if they let the police handle it.

When everyone finally arrived, Izuku knew his relaxation time was done and begrudgingly returned to the field. As he took a spot on the field, he saw a list of names with two sets of numbers in different columns. His name had a one next to it, followed by a zero in the second column. The first number was his ranking while the second overall number was his 'Hero Score'. Not that it matter. That second score was for Pro Heroes looking for sidekick internships. Izuku (in case you shmucks didn't already realize) couldn't give any fucks to the competition because then he would be giving them something. They will get nothing but shit from him!

And now, it was time for the next event. It was called: 'The Great Hero Pose-Off Survival!' The premise is simple. One person in a group of four stands on top of the other three and poses to the other teams. If they fall off from another team out-posing them, one of the other three stands to pose. Teams stay in play until every member of the team is out-posed. Throughout the arena were backdrops to enhance the pose. All teams must continue posing until all but one team is left standing.

Izuku already had it all planned out.

"Hey, Midoriya!" called out a voice from the crowd. Emerging from the cesspool of Hero-Types was a girl with pink dreadlocks fashioned in a ponytail, steampunk-style goggles above her forehead, and yellow eyes styled in a detailed crosshair. Around her waist were various gadgets that did fuck all.

"Hey, Hatsume," Izuku replied plainly. "You got the things?"

"Got the M.D.P.C. right here." She pulled up a glowing, blue cube with metal edges from her belt. "I also brought some video games for us to play in case they give us a lot of time."

"Great, I'll get Jirou and—"

Izuku was interrupted when a wet, sticky mass took hold of him from his back. Guess who?

"Asui… goddamnit. Please tell me you brought a fish with you."

"I got a cube of chum with me. Best I could do without raising too many eyebrows."

"That'll work. I'll be back with Koda."

When he returned with the large boy, the team of four was assembled and they were ready to get shit going.

When everyone was set and ready, the 'Great Hero Pose-Off Survival' began!

…With Izuku and company disappearing in a cosmic cloud of blue smoke and gold light streams.

Two thoughts were on everyone's mind after it happened.

'何?' (Nani?)

And…

'Oh, you motherfucker!'

Some Room in the Middle of Time and Space Nowhere

"So, make yourselves comfortable," the pinkette said as she dropped down from the human 'stage' and went over to a desk with several monitors. "This thing will tell us if there is one remaining team left in the contest. Rules say one team would be left standing if the time limit doesn't expire first, but they need four teams to fill up the brackets for the fighting tournament."

"Great," Izuku replied as he gave the gelatinous cube of fish and blood to Tsuyu. She, surprisingly, took it without hesitation into her large hands and began licking in a corner. "The less I get involved with this shit, the better."

It was at that time that Koji decided to get away from the excessively slimy frog girl and talk to Izuku… by hand signing, since he still couldn't talk to people normally.

'Where are we?' he shakily signed.

"We are in my personal quiet space: the Micro-Dimensional-Pocket-Cube!" the pinkette replied as she set up a game system. "If you get motion sick easy, don't look out the window. The last person who did left a stain on the carpet and I haven't gotten the chance to board up the windows yet."

"You said the view was amazing," Izuku replied in a bitter tone. "I had a few brownies before I came to the workshop and I was already feeling nauseas from being in class."

"Explains the pleasant smell underneath all that vomit shit. And how was I supposed to know the micro-dimensional setting caused motion sickness? Well, aside from the pretty colors and tumbling scenery."

'You two seem well acquainted with each other,' Koji signed. He made a mistake by looking in Tsuyu's general direction and was graced with a bloody mouthed frog girl blankly staring at him. Like a child about to get the belt, he hid behind the couch and hope he didn't get spotted.

With the large boy still in sight, Izuku decided to grace him with a flashback.

This shit again?! Ugh…

Flashback

"So this is the workshop," Izuku muttered under his breath.

It was stylized in a medieval motif, complete with stonework surrounding the crude, heavy, iron door. A single torch was on either side of the door. Two HUGE knockers were on either end of the door… which didn't make any sense since it was only a single door.

On the right side of the door was a holographic projection that said 'Development Studio', which was so far removed from the overall aesthetic that the whole thing could be registered as a modern art piece.

Sensing some fuckery afoot, he stepped a few meters away from the door. As if on cue the large door was blown off the hinges and a mechanical dragon hobbled its way out the door, spitting hot (real) fire from its mouth.

"Halt, grand beast!" called out a raspy voice from inside. From the smoke came a man with large, hard-tipped hands with a yellow helmet reminiscent of a dragon and… no, that's it. The fucker was naked as a jaybird. "You shall pay for violating the peace treaty we agreed upon hundreds of years ago!"

"Sir Power Loader!" called out a young feminine voice. She was at least decent… for an exhibitionist in Amsterdam. "The dragon appears to be possessed by an unknown magic! Look at the eyes!"

"By my dungeon beard, you're right, Hatsume! Holdfast, Dragon! We shall free you from the curse that has befallen you!"

And then the two mental cases went off to chase the metal dragon, looking as indecent and wild as American tourists on Spring Break in the Red Light District… all while the Japanese locals look on in disappointment and distaste. Somehow, Izuku knew this was going to be a disappointment and yet he was still surprised.

"Oi, numb nuts," called out a familiar voice from behind Izuku. At a glance, she looked exactly like the pinkette that ran off with the nude Hero-Type. At a closer glance, however, she… still looked exactly the same as the pinkette. Really, the only differences she had was the workshop appropriate attire (denim overalls, durable long-sleeved shirt, tool belt, welder goggles, steel-toed boots, the works) and her hair was tied into a ponytail. "If you're gonna gawk at the show, move your lazy ass. I got to fix this damn door again."

"I got better things to do than to watch an R-Rated version of Eragon, Pinky," Izuku replied bitterly. "Look, is this the workshop? I got a flamethrower with my name on it just waiting to be built."

"Really? What kind?" The pinkette had given broken pieces of the iron door to a hovering robot, which then fired a mint green beam from its chest and took possession of it before bringing it inside the studio.

"A 'Magnum Incinerator, Model 8V Nox' with my own modifications."

"That's it? Pfffft, fucking amateur."

"Excuse you?"

"Boy, let me tell you something."

"If you value your life, you'll never call me 'boy' again."

"Okay, bitch…"

"Better, but no."

"…Any old hillbilly with a crowbar can make m0DifIcaTIOns~. A real engineer would make that shit themselves!"

"Not an engineer, just an asshole that knows his way around a welding torch."

"Bitch, sit your ass down and prepare to be educated."

Flashforward

"And that's about it," Izuku said as he sat down in front of the television and grabbed a controller. "She wouldn't stop calling me 'bitch' until I built a napalm thrower properly."

"Baby, you know it," the pinkette said from beside him. "Bitches become men after they set the entire studio on fire."

'Um… I don't think I got your name,' Koji nervously signed. He spotted Tsuyu out of the corner of his eye and smartly stepped away from Izuku. She went back to licking her blood jelly after he got far enough from the greenette.

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Fei Hatsume. The only living copy of the bag of bolts called Mei Hatsume."

'Um… what?' Koji looked ready to pass out at the surprise exposition.

"I don't know. One minute, I was whispering sweet nothings to some blond guy's ear. The next, I was in a room with that same blond guy and that dumbass. I remember being surprised at having tits and a vagina, but I still have no fucking clue what happened. Oh, and there were, like, twenty-something others like me just admiring their melons."

"Personally, I don't give a shit," Izuku commented as he started up the console. "Let's just get some matches in before that glorified flexing competition ends."

"Bitch, you're going to regret that."

Meanwhile

"OH, AND IIDA HAS BEEN OUT-POSED BY TOKOYAMI!" shouted an ecstatic Present Mic. "THAT MEANS TEAM IIDA IS ELIMINATED FROM THE COMPETITION!"

"Swear word!" Tenya yelled to the sky in disappointment. He's getting better at saying 'swear word'. Now if only he can stop using training wheels to accomplish acting like a villain.

"YEAH! Undefeated, Heroes!" Dark Shadow shouted in success.

"Un-fucking-believable," Kyoka hissed under her breath as she slapped away Momo's hand… again… for the fiftieth time since they started ten minutes ago.

The succubus incarnate wanted a piece of her ass, but the rocker girl would deny her of her cake. There were other options for the bake shop, but they were shit. Fumikage's? It was like someone stacked several slices of flat bread with Nutella in between them and tried to pass it off as new age pancakes. Minoru's? What the fuck was she supposed to do with a stale, frosting-less cupcake? All she had left was the firm, pillowy sponge cake that was Kyoka's ass… She wanted it sooooooo bad!

The young cougar was then met with an electric shock from the collar around her neck. She, unfortunately, was given (forced to wear) a shock collar from her former toasting buddy. Any sort of explicit act or intention would result in a shock. Apparently it was suppose to be a Quirk Suppression collar, but the school didn't have the money for it. So she settled on a simple shock collar and had it linked to her estrogen levels. Estrogen goes too high? She experiences her least favorite fetish.

"WE ARE DOWN TO OUR LAST TWO TEAMS, FOLKS!" Present Mic shouted to the audience. "THINGS ARE GETTING DOWN TO THE WIRE NOW!"

"Who's next?!" Dark Shadow called out.

"Right here, Heroes!" replied a zealous voice. The person of interest had purple hair with equally purple eyes, riding three other students of… various appearances. In front, there was Mezo looking bored while his tentacles were doing the equivalent of the shimmy jimmy at a shotgun wedding. In the back was a short and stout boy with that same goddamn smile on his face as the rider. And the one beside him was… a horse? What the fuck is a horse doing here?

"You shall be the next and final victims of my posing prowess!" shouted the sentient shadow in glee.

"Please let this be over, for fuck's sake," Kyoka hissed as she slapped Momo's hand away from her ass for the sixteenth time.

As-this-was-all-happening-while

"HA! Four in a row, bitch!" Fei taunted as the victory screen showed her characters posing, Izuku's characters looking downtrodden or salty at the loss in the back.

"Oh yeah, congrats on getting bailed out by the cheapest item in the game for the fourth time in a row," Izuku replied with more salt than a hardcore meta-gamer. "Next one, turn items off. See how good your team is in a legitimate match."

"Wow, I can taste the salt from here. That's some potent shit. Hey, the next time we play together, can it be in a slaughter house? I want to know if your salt can turn meat into jerky in under an hour."

"Fuck you, Hatsume."

"No thanks. I don't swing that way. Then again, you are acting like a major pussy right now, so you may actually have a shot."

Izuku would be denied his exploding vein in his temple by a large, timid boy lightly tapping him on the shoulder.

Taking a deep breath… then another… and a bigger one to round it off… Izuku turned his head to address Koji. "Yes, Koda, what is it?"

The large boy was shakily pointing at the monitors, one of which was flashing red. On another note, Tsuyu had finished her blood jelly and was staring at Koji with dangerous eyes and a bloody mouth. She knew nothing about proper hygiene, but it will undoubtedly melt off from how much slime she's been producing, lately. Once again, the larger boy threw his body away from Izuku out of fear of the frog girl possibly hurting him. She instantly relaxed as soon as he did that.

"Looks like fun time's over," Fei said as she packed up the console and unplugged the television.

"Let's get this shit over with," Izuku muttered as Tsuyu reattached herself to his back.

I'm-getting-tired-and-annoyed-by-these-back-and-forth-transitions-and-thank-goodness-this-chapter-is-almost-over-while

Broken and defeated.

That is the fate of Dark Shadow as he lay on the warm, concrete under his plumage. Eyes reduced to nothing. Claws nonexistent. Ambition sapped from his inky black body.

He was also smaller and less responsive than an anchovy baking under the hot sun.

"So… so… Heroic…" the sentient shadow muttered weakly. The other members of the team were just as battered… in their own way. Minoru was blinking away the spots in his eyes after getting blinded for a few seconds. Kyoka was gnashing on both of her jacks out of frustration, mostly because the audience were cheering over this fucking competition. She needs relief… YESTERDAY! Momo also needs relief… but not in that way. The shock collar told her so. And Fumikage?

Boi looks like he's getting the first good sleep in years from the content look on his face and the volume at which he's tweeting… Which is like snoring for bird's, right?

"Yes…" the purple haired boi muttered. "Bow to me, Hero Students. I will show you true Heroism in the coming event."

Izuku and his group decided to show up in a cloud of the same cosmic smoke they disappeared in.

"Oh, and there's one more group to show who's the greatest—"

"TIME'S UP!"

"Darn it. Well, hope we meet in the Fighting Tournament, Hero Course. Mark my words! I will rock this entire course! You will be—" The makeshift stage of living people started rocking the rider back and forth. This happened for a good two seconds before the idiot fell on his face. Lifting his head and holding his bloody nose, he said, "Owie, owie. Mark my words… You will be out-Heroed, Heroes." He then limped his way out of the arena despite his nose being the only thing he injured. The Hero-Type, Mezo, and the horse were looking hella confused by the time he made it down the stairs.

There was only one thing on Izuku's mind… And it should be the most predictable thing in the world at this point.

"Who the fuck was that?"

That sounds about right.

AN: How is everybody? Hope everyone is doing well. Hero Festival: Stage 2 is done. Our mysterious purple boi is so predictable to decipher, so that shouldn't be a surprise. And what about Fei? Remember when I said I make this shit up as I go? Yeah, she was an idea born out of a really stupid 'What if?' 'What if Mei met Twice?' And I went from there. As per the process, I threw some glitter and motor oil at the wall and got that short backstory for the clone thing… Yeah, I need a better secondary hobby. Okay, that's enough from me. Stay safe out there!

-OmegaBox