*SLAM*

Subaru had entered his room after what felt like an hour of constant running and stumbling. Trying to slow down his breathing was unbelievably hard due to the panic attack he just endured.

As he tried to walk forwards in his room, his legs began to shake so violently that he was unable to walk, and so he fell on his hands and knees.

Now trying to crawl forwards, even his arms started to shake violently. Unable to even crawl, he fell on his pathetic crying face.

Now weakly moving towards the wall of his room, his every single movement was almost impossible due to the constant shaking.

Eventually facing the wall, he raised himself to sit against it.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck sake, FUCK!" Subaru screamed at the ceiling in a fit of rage as he never wanted them to know. Them knowing would never end well. They shouldn't know, it would only bring pain and confusion to everyone.

He took a quick glance at his forearms and wanted to puke badly.

"BBGRGHH AGH"

"I'm so disgusting…" He began crying with his hands on his face, trying to control his breathing once again but failing miserably.

He wanted to scratch himself right now more than anything.

Subaru knew self-harming was bad and that he shouldn't do it, but the temptation was too big. He didn't like the pain at all that came with self-harming, but he thought that he deserved it. He was a useless, pathetic man who only brought shame to his close ones.

"Betty will be mad at me again… I really shouldn't…"

*scratch*

"Just stop it won't help."

*scratch*

"Please stop."

*scratch* *scratch*

"It hurts."

*scratch* *scratch* *scratch*

"Ah- agh ahh."

*SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH* *SCRATCH*

His head was locked between his legs, hiding from the world like a scared little child, his elbows on his knees so that his arms were hanging in the air, blood dripping on the cold wooden floor from them.

Subaru rarely used a knife or anything sharp like a razor. Only using his sharply bitten nails, it was disgusting but they usually did their job, or even every now and then biting his lip hard enough so that blood came out of it.

Breathing shakingly, enduring the pain that he thought that he deserved, slowly losing consciousness due to the blood loss, his vision slowly becoming dark and blurry.

"Ah- I'm so sleepy… I guess… I'm going to… take a... quick nap..."

Peacefully dying in his room, his mind slowly drifting away...

*KNOCK* KNOCK* *KNOCK*

"GRHG!" Subaru immediately jumped in place from fear, not expecting for anyone to come and see him after what had happened.

"Subaru? Are you there?" A lonely voice called out for Subaru.

Subaru couldn't give out an answer due to the horrifying fear as he was fully spooked out of his mind. Also scared of how the person behind the door would react to him, especially after the sin he just committed.

"Hey uhm… Look I know you probably don't want to see anyone right now but I really need to talk to you. So please answer me."

After no answer from Subaru, the person behind the door tried again.

"I'm coming in. I need to make sure you're okay."

"W- GRgh-" Subaru tried to scream out to Emilia so she wouldn't enter the room but it didn't help as he thought that he had lost his voice.

Emilia enters the room to investigate only to find a pitch black room with no trace of light other than a window badly covered. As she takes a few steps into his room he sees an outline of a dark figure opposite to her only sitting against the wall.

"H- hey… Subaru?"

The figure still didn't give any response, only hiding in between his knees, small whimpery breaths could be heard.

"Please answer me Subaru." Emilia was growing even more worried as Subaru wouldn't answer at all and the situation seemed so scary like a nightmare where you couldn't tell what's going on.

Subaru looked up to face the silver haired angel with tears in his scared little eyes.

"What's wrong Subaru? Why is it so dark here?" Still not getting any response, the situation is growing more and more tense.

Emilia could finally see enough in the dark room to see a small blood puddle right in front of Subaru.

"SUBARU!" Emilia immediately ran to Subaru's side ready to help her knight in any way possible.

"W- what happened…" She tried to look at Subaru in his closed eyes, only for him to stop breathing, only small shrieky sounds coming out of his mouth.

"I… Nothing Emilia-tan… I mean… I-" Subaru knew he wouldn't be able to lie his way out of this one or anything else. He was a pathetic little shit and all he was good for was dying and repeating everything. No one cares for him. No one. No one. NO ONE.

He should just kill himself and restart like he always did, he thought.

Emilia sharply investigated Subaru's whole body to see where the blood was coming from.

"Show me your arms, Subaru." Emilia said only for Subaru to open his eyes wide open with his whole body beginning to shake.

"Hey hey hey. It's okay. Please just show me your arms." She pleaded, trying to gain his trust so she could help him.

"I won't get mad. I promise"

As Subaru heard those words he gained a little amount of confidence to move his painfully heavy arms for Emilia.

Emilia gently took Subaru's hands and her eyes opened widely, with tears on the edge of her eyelids.

"A- Again? You did it again, S- Subaru? She drifted her eyes to look at Subaru but as soon as their eyes connected, Subaru flinched and closed his eyes and faced straight down at his feet.

He began sobbing again, disappointed at himself for failing himself and the others.

"I- I Did- Didn't want to- I don't want to"

Emilia reached out his arms towards Subaru's face only for Subaru to flinch as he was too disgusted with himself.

"AAAAHHH PLEASE I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, JUST STAY AWAY FROM ME PLEASE!" He screamed like he had never before, even breathing was painfully hard but somehow he managed to scream.

Emilia's eyes opened widely out of shock as she had never seen Subaru behave like this. Always putting up an act to make others think that he was strong, but in truth he was only a traumatized child who couldn't talk about his problems.

Subaru began crawling backwards as fast as he could, away from Emilia, away from warmth, away from light, away from hope. "I don't deserve her."

"Oh no you don't!" Emilia leaped towards Subaru so that Subaru fell on his back and Emilia was on top of him. Subaru of course tried to resist, using all of his strength to escape but nothing worked. Emilia immediately hugged him as tight as she could with

her elven strength so that he wouldn't escape her strong grasp.

After a minute or so of constant hugging, Subaru finally calmed down enough for Emilia to ease her grasp. She raised her upper body so that she could see Subaru's crying face. "I wish you wouldn't suffer like this, all alone... I… I've seen how you pretend

to be all happy sometimes so that we wouldn't see how you're struggling. But I'm telling you, It's okay to accept help from others. You don't have to pretend with us, with your friends or especially with me, My knight."

As she finished her sentence, they both sat up so that they were facing each other, Subaru still looking at the floor. She took both of his hands and started to apply healing magic to both of them.

"I might never understand why you've done this to yourself or why you're like this. But what I do know is that I'll always and forever stand by your side."

Slowly as the red lines from Subaru's wrist's started to fade away, his teeth began gritting against each other.

"Why?… why? WHY!? WHY ME? HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT WHEN ALL THAT I HAVE DONE IS BRING SHAME AND SADNESS TO EVERYONE IN THIS CAMP!"

"I'VE FAILED EVERYONE, I'VE LET EVERYONE DOWN SO MANY FUCKING TIMES! YOU, BEATRICE, OTTO, GARFIEL, RAM, FREDERICA, PETRA, R- REM!"

Subaru's voice cracked as he screamed Rem's name. Emilia only looked at Subaru with a small frown.

"You absolute nincompoop."

"Eh...?"

Emilia was heatedly looking at Subaru, ready to even kill this boy for being so unbelievably stupid.

"You really think that we are ashamed of you!? Sad because of you? Subaru, you haven't let anyone down at all, you've saved everyone so many times that I can't even count!"

"You've given all of us more meaning to our lives than we have ever had before."

Subaru's face was fully in shock from Emilia's sudden outburst.

"That isn't true!"

"YES IT IS! We all love you, even if some of us don't know how to show it, but it is true!" Emilia was pouting inches away from Subaru's face trying to make this lovable idiot understand. Subaru was only blushing due to how close she was not daring to

move at all.

"How do you know that!? It isn't fair!"

"I KNOW BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!" Emilia instantly faced the floor to hide the fact that her face was blushing so unbelievably hard that even her sharp long ears were red.

Subaru was unsure if his hearing was broken or not as he had never expected to hear her, an angel to say those words to a pathetic boy like him.

"U uh? Wait what, wait a minute-"

"I love you, I love you, I love you!" Emilia was full on rambling now, repeating her confession over and over again.

"Hey um Emilia-tan, I need you to think about that a little bit more, I mean you probably don't really understand love yet like I do, and I AH-"

Subaru's speech was cut by Emilia as she had literally jumped towards Subaru's lips and had given him a hungry kiss unlike the one Subaru gave her at the Sanctuary. They both closed their eyes, holding each other in their arms in a miserable attempt to make this moment last forever.

The kiss was their second kiss and the longest one as well. Emilia was holding the kiss for as long as she could, not letting Subaru get a break and breathe. But Subaru didn't care, as he was enjoying it.

Finally breaking the kiss they both looked at each other lovingly in their eyes not saying a single word, only admiring the features of their partner's face.

Subaru had enough and dived into another kiss and Emilia accepted it like a kid receiving a birthday present.

Taking different angles and advancing in different paces, they were practically perfect for each other.

As they finally were done with their little "kiss arc", they were both now sitting on Subaru's bed not saying anything to each other, only looking at the wall or floor in a happy like embarrassment.

"Hey Subaru?"

"Mm yeah Emilia-tan?" Subaru looked at Emilia like a boy on Christmas eve.

"Promise me… that you'll come talk to me when you're feeling down again okay?"

Subaru faced the floor and remembered how he had failed them all and will eventually fail them again.

"I hate seeing you hurt like this. I absolutely hate it. I promise you that I will help you no matter what the problem is!"

"Sure Emilia-Tan. I really appreciate it." Subaru had finally smiled the first time after everything had happened.

Emilia took notice of Subaru's little cute smile and her heart fluttered. She decided to dive towards Subaru to tackle him on the bed and hug him tightly.

Subaru's smile only got wider and hugged Emilia back.

As the two laid in bed together they cuddled in the warmth of each other, the whole night, until the morning, like two teens on a night sky.

The end.