Long time no see! I am a god tier procrastinator, and when I finally realised it had been weeks again I tried super hard to speed write. But after getting down everything I'd planned, it totalled 2.4k words… I already had the perfect ending all set so I had to find some sort of filler. And in the middle of everything, damn school started up again and kicked my ass back to a somewhat healthy sleep schedule that does not contain the times 5am and 1pm.

The general consensus was English names, so therefore English names it will be. A bunch of you didn't agree with how the Archbishops also got a debuff of sorts, and one person suggested a slight change that doesn't make me need to replan stuff, so I'll probably be going with that. No differences in the meantime but there will be when it counts. Someone said that the whip isn't actually easy so I'll be editing that bit.

Curses

Today's method of rousing Subaru wasn't as mild as the others, if you could call them that, but it was no less effective.

A blue-haired maid throttling him while screaming about some horn isn't very subtle.

He activated Sloth and whipped Rem across the room, where she hit the dresser and was knocked out. And as if it was her cue, Ram walked in.

"What's all the commotion, Barusu. Surely you don't want to slack off so-"

She froze and looked between Subaru and the unmoving form of her sister with wide eyes, but when she caught the rise and fall of Rem's chest she relaxed.

"Apologies if Rem attacked you, Barusu. Was she saying anything that could give you a reason why?"

While climbing to his feet, he shook his head. "The nutter was screaming about a horn, but that's it. What I wanna know is why on earth she hates me so bad."

"I should have known she would confront you about that. For now, please study with Lady Emilia. I need to have a talk with Rem and report this to Roswaal-sama."

She picked up Rem's body and walked out, pointedly ignoring Subaru's taunt of 'Now who's the slacker?'

Ram carried her to her room and left for Roswaal's office. She knocked briskly and then walked straight in without waiting.

"Apologies, Roswaal-sama, but Rem attempted to strangle Barusu while he slept. He thankfully woke up and managed to knock her out before she could do any real harm but I think it unwise to leave the situation as it is. Rem evidently believes she can act however she wants and not face the consequences."

She may not have seen her master slip a small black book under the table when she barged in, but Ram didn't miss the look of sheer dread that flickered across his face. His eyes were wide and he shot up ramrod straight, before heaving a sigh and crumpling back down.

For once, Roswaal was too shaken to put on his usual act. "That is unfortunate. It would be unsightly for a guest to be attacked by a maid in the Mathers manor, and even more so should said maid go unpunished. Have Rem take on all your work as well as her own, and let Subaru-kun choose any penalty he wishes. Dismissed."

As he watched his made go, he wiped a hand through his hair. It came back soaked with sweat. 'If Subaru-kun had died… four hundred years would have been for naught. I need to be warier from now on.'

—

Once Emilia and Ram had coached Subaru through yet more boring yet necessary lessons, and Rem was awake again, he was told the village plan was still on. Emilia tried to argue for him as any sane person should when informed a friend would be going on a trip with their attempted killer, but she didn't get anywhere. Subaru himself said it was fine and that he may as well try to make up with Rem, so she had to let it go.

The walk was particularly boring. Rem outright refused to talk to, or even acknowledge, Subaru. He also felt like she purposefully set a pace that he could barely match, but that was neither here nor there.

"Come on, Rem. How are we supposed to coexist peacefully in the mansion if you just ignore me? And I don't want a repeat of this morning any time soon…"

Finally, she turned her head. There was an anger behind her eyes that Subaru had never seen before, and she stopped in the middle of the road.

"I might not be able to kill you. But I will never, and I mean NEVER, 'coexist' with you. You may have fooled everyone else, but not me, Witch cultist." Rem almost spat the words at him, and left him standing there with a dropped jaw while she restarted her march.

'Didn't Reinhard tell me about that? Those looneys with the books… but why would she think I'm one of them. Despite the whole Selection mess I've found myself in, I've been doing whatever I'm told and generally staying out of people's way. I mean, she could just hate me for how easily I beat her so she uses the Witch Cult as a mask for it. That's probably it.'

He jogged to catch up with her, and all Rem did was speed up further.

—

When they finally arrived at Arlam, Subaru received a curt 'As long as it's harmless, do as you wish, cultist,' and was ditched at the entrance to the village. A crowd of kids ran up to him while he was wandering around and introducing himself.

"Hey mister, who are you? I've not seen you before!"

"Yeah, mister scary eyes!"

They were all crowding around him and two boys even climbed up onto his back, so Subaru did the sensible thing and floated himself up a meter. He knocked the ones off his back (catching them, of course!) and pushed them all back. The kids were staring up at him with their mouths open in shock.

"Jeez, calm down! I'm not going anywhere for a while. I'm Natsuki Subaru, the new soon-to-be knight of the woman living at Roswaal's mansion. Have you met her? The one with silver hair."

Everyone went silent to the point you could hear a pin drop.

He was about to ask again, but they started sputtering excuses and filed away.

"That's kinda odd… what did I say?" Subaru sighed and moved on. By the time he finished his loop of the area, Rem was standing at the side of the road with two massive bags and an even bigger scowl. It looked like she was shifting the weight to one side due to some sort of injury on her right hand, so, like the gracious gentlemen he was, Subaru offered to carry them for him. She ignored him like usual and just started walking away.

"Rem! Dammit Rem, I have a legit question! Do you know why those village children ran off when I mentioned Emilia?"

She stood stock-still. He couldn't see her face but her fists were clenched so tightly around the bag handles that a vein stood out.

"I…" Rem sighed and released the tension. "I will humour you, cultist. It is because Lady Emilia has an accidental resemblance to the monster you worship. And naturally, though unfortunately, people who do not know her personally will prejudice her automatically."

—

Ram had basically given him the green light to do whatever he wanted today, so the first thing Subaru did upon returning to the mansion was to spend more time combing through the place. He was looking for some sort of medieval war centre, with a huge planning table and axes and pikes piled up in the corners, but instead found a surprisingly optimised room packed full of weapons.

"This is awesome! Ros is crazy to just keep this all hidden away in here when he must've spent bloody hours slotting those swords and knives into every available space on the walls. Wait, no." Subaru broke out of his stupor and slapped himself in the face. "I'm not here for either of those things. Reinhard told me to try a whip, so a whip is all it shall be. Come to think of it… didn't he mention a sword too…? Or is that coming with my knight stuff…"

He carefully grabbed and unfurled a long whip hanging on the wall, and, when giving it a 'test drive', managed to hook the whole length around a table leg and pull the thing onto its side. Subaru narrowly avoided the subsequent hail of sharp objects. 'Note to self: find a way to cover up the stab marks in the floor without indirectly revealing to anyone how much of an idiot I am.'

Quickly slipping out the door, Subaru slunk down to the courtyard and found a quiet spot behind a few trees. He got into a classic anime fighting position, whip arm poised and ready, and swung it like a high school skipping champion.

He was tied up on the ground not five minutes later.

The leather was curled around his right leg, foot to thigh, and crisscrossed his torso to form a belt that Indiana Jones would be proud of.

"Of course I'm not a natural at this… it would probably be boring if I was perfect at everything anyway." Subaru squirmed out of the curled whip and took a deep breath. "Hmmm… yaaaaaaa!" He snapped his arm, did half spins on the spot and started some intense dancing routine. Though he managed to twirl it around for a while, Subaru ultimately fell on his face from vertigo.

"Damnnnnnn, that hurt. Maybe I'll have to-"

"Barusu, Roswaal-sama has requested you choose a fitting punishment for Rem."

He rolled over and nearly jumped out of his skin. "Ram?! When did you- Jesus, don't sneak up on me like that! God, now you've put me on the spot. Uhhh… I don't know, man, can't you just make her do your jobs for a while?"

Ram's exasperated sigh could've split the heavens. "Roswaal-sama has already arranged that. Please come up with something new."

"Alright, alright. Nope, I seriously don't know what to say here. D'you mind telling Ros that I don't mind if that's the only consequence? If she goes ballistic again then I've proven I can defend myself."

"I would appreciate it if you didn't say my sister goes 'ballistic', but…" She eyed him skeptically, then nodded and began walking away across the lawn. "You have absolutely no talent with a whip, by the way."

Subaru's face brightened and he shouted after her, "Oh yeah?! Get those half-assed digs in while you can, I bet I'll pick this up real fast!"

… She passed the trees and nothing came back.

"No way… I won? An argument with Ram? The student becomes the masterrrrrr! Phew. What do I do now after such a momentous occasion?" He hauled himself to his feet with a low hanging branch and snapped his fingers. "Practicing with Greed - I swear there was something about super-speed in that mini briefing. What better way to celebrate than to learn a new op super skill. Wouldn't I need to… freeze myself… and then try and-"

He stood there, staring blankly at what was in front of him: the porch of the Margrave mansion.

"W-what?" Subaru stumbled back and ripped at his chest, mentally flipping the switch for Stillness of an Object's Time. 'That was nowhere near five seconds, two at max! But it worked. I moved a few hundred meters quicker than my eyes could see, so I'd guess at the speed of light. Kind of crappy if I can't keep up until I've finished moving… unless I can control the speed. I just tried as hard as I could but it lasted less time. If I put less throttle into it then I guess I'll get less speed but for the full time limit.'

He turned around and faced the tree. Concentrating, he triggered Greed and took off in a sprint. The garden morphed into greens and browns, like the scenery outside a fast train, and Subaru dug his heels into the ground to skid to a halt back at where he was training. Checking his path, he saw that roughly the last thirty meters were nothing more than a torn-up grass track.

"Hell yeah, I'm the Flash now! It wasn't really clear back there, but I could definitely start to adjust and make things out if I had just a few more damn seconds. But if I push past the five then I get that heart thing, which completely screws up my concentration… at those speeds, going haywire would probably kill me."

Subaru picked up the whip and zipped to the mansion. 'If there's another dude who has Greed like with Sloth, I need to figure out how I get their Witch Factors. I basically can't use that part of Greed without the path and destination already in sight.'

Walking to his room, Subaru was struck by an immediate, dizzying sense of tiredness. He was at his door when his legs gave out and he had to carry himself to the bed with an Unseen Hand.

—

The sun was on its way up when Subaru awoke. He lay there in the dusk, a hand over his eyes and groaned softly.

"Why is it so earlyyyyyyyyy, I'm not a freaking morning person…"

Slowly, he pushed himself up and got to his feet. Subaru plodded down to the kitchen to grab some breakfast. "If I use Gluttony on someone who gets up early, would that help me out? Ah, but then I'd feel guilty for pretty much killing an innocent person, and if they were a criminal then it'd mess me up for sure."

A floorboard creaked from above him. 'Ha, I beat Ram in getting up for once. Bet she thought she could come pester me if she didn't sleep in today.'

He beetled around for a while before running out of things to do. When he was just about to head back to his room and see if he could get some more sleep, Subaru heard a cry from the third floor. It was followed swiftly by a thud, and seemed to come from the west wing; he set out to find the source of the commotion.

Subaru walked up the stairs with an inexplicable sense of foreboding. As if whatever awaited him was worse than anything he'd seen in his yet short life. Walking through the halls that previously had such a lively atmosphere, they felt dead. Cold and clammy. Almost suffocating. He sped up his gait and surreptitiously slipped his hands into his pockets, hurrying through the mansion. But upon arrival at Rem's room, he was met with the tear-stained expression of Ram and the sombre faces of Roswaal, Beatrice, Emilia and Puck. They were crowded around Rem's bed where said maid was still lying. Emilia motioned Subaru over but wouldn't look him in the eye.

"Hey, guys… what's going on? Why hasn't Rem got up yet?"

Ram was in front of him in the blink of an eye, and ground out, "I should be asking you that, Barusu. I should be asking the only person who had a violent, even at all negative, relationship with my sister, why she has been MURDERED! Not a week after a mysterious stranger with witch magic showed up!"

The colour drained from his face like a plug had been pulled. Subaru staggered forwards, towards the bed, but was pushed back by Ram.

"Wha- what? She was fine yesterday! Fine enough to try and strangle me! H- how did she… you know, how did… she… go?"

He was answered with a punch to the jaw.

"Shut up! It's a disgrace that you even act like you care! If you're really gonna try and say you weren't involved, surely you must've picked up on something, at some point. Help us find the person who killed Rem!"

Subaru took a step back, hands limp at his side. Blood leaked out of his mouth but he stared at the floor with an unreadable look on his face.

"I don't… know what might've happened. I don't have enough information to try and figure something out yet…"

This time, Emilia had to create an ice wall to stop him from being decapitated by a blade of wind magic. The rush of air from the impact still pushed Subaru down to the ground, and he made no attempt to stand again. He looked detached from the room, deep in thought. Roswaal walked over and knelt, raising Subaru's chin to look at him.

"Lady Beatrice~ has determined my dear staff member was killed by a curse. Such a horrible~ way to go, wouldn't you agree? But you don't seem~ too surprised by that, and you've been rather suspicious~ since the minute you entered this bedroom." Roswaal's eyes held a smouldering fire behind them and all traces of his usual demeanour vanished. "Is there something you wish to hide from us, Subaru-kun?"

Emilia and Puck looked horrified at the implication, and Beatrice only sighed before leaving without another glance. However, Ram smashed straight through the ice and lifted Subaru by his neck. The margrave simply stepped back and watched.

"Rem was right all along! I gave you the benefit of the doubt but I should have trusted my sister. You reek of the Witch, and follow her too. I will avenge Rem even if it takes my dying breath!"

This brought him back to his senses, and the spell intended to kill him only dissipated on his neck. Ram's elbows started to bend at an unnatural angle, forcing her arms backwards, so she dropped him to the floor. Subaru stumbled but stayed upright, and knocked her off her feet.

Dashing through the door, Subaru put his newly acquired skills to the test. He triggered Stillness of an Object's Time, jumped straight through one of the mansion walls, and was running at nearly the speed of sound by the time Ram reached the hole. He was forced to flick off Greed when he hit the treeline but hastily conjured Unseen Hands deflected the Furas mixed in with Ram's curses. He didn't stop sprinting until he reached the cliff.

Subaru shakily sat himself down, panting and with a pale face. 'What the fuck… how did Rem die? She was always glaring at me, so I was expecting her attacks, and I wasn't disappointed, but now something's killed her off. Was it the Witch? If she goes as far as to silence me or others to prevent them from learning about Return by Death then it's feasible she wants to protect me. But she made no move on the Bowel Hunter back in the capital, so that can't be right. Anyway… at this point, Rem's gone and Ram hates me. I definitely looked suspicious from the way I took off, so it wouldn't be surprising if Emilia and Puck lost their trust in me. And then there's Roswaal. He gives off weird vibes but is always smirking about something. Except then. That's the first time he's ever looked remotely angry, and despite my Authorities he seemed like he was about to try and burn me to a crisp and it was terrifying.'

He jumped to his feet and kicked a rock over the edge. "Shit! What the hell am I supposed to do now?!" As soon as it started, his burst of anger was over and he crumpled. "Maybe… I should use Envy. At this point, I can't save Rem or my friendships with the others and it could be a useful test of my last Authority. I don't want it to hurt, but if I crush my heart with Sloth then it should be relatively fast and painless…"

One Unseen Hand manifested itself from Subaru's back, which he slowly drew around in front of him. Taking a deep breath, he plunged it into him - at the same time as a blade of wind cleaved through his left knee. He lurched to the side, the Hand missing his heart and piercing a hole through his chest instead.

"Die."

He couldn't scream. Even if he hadn't crushed a lung by mistake, the sheer agony would still be too much. He was writhing on the floor and struggling to breathe, blood pooling around him from his leg and torso and gathering in his windpipe, while a pink-haired girl in a maid outfit watched. Ram was smiling without a shred of remorse as he bled out in front of her.

"I guess my sister was right after all, scum. You weren't to be trusted. The only blessing you have right now is that you killed the girl with healing magic. Otherwise I could drag this out all day."

In a last-ditch effort to put an end to the pain, Subaru managed to summon one final Unseen Hand swung it downwards. It smashed his head to pieces against the ground, the air filling with a fine red mist and misshapen chunks of brain.

—

Natsuki Subaru woke up in a large bed, screaming his… lungs out? He was trembling and his hands gripped his chest through the soft sleeping gown. Sitting up quickly, he turned and promptly threw up all over the floor, gagging and emptying his stomach.

In a forest clearing, south-eastern Lugnica…

Wrath. That was a key part of her identity, and the only thing Sirius felt right now. The Gospel had declared that she was not necessary for the time being, and although some - like that greedy, entitled prick Regulus - would find that offensive, she was just thankful she had some time to find her husband. So Sirius had stalked him to a nearby forest, where she found him with his personal envoy of Cultists. But she had been positively horrified to see two female disciples conversing with, and even touching, Petelgeuse. Quick as a flash, her chains were planted deep within the chest of one.

"I'm sorry, but that's not acceptable."

Content with allowing her to bleed, for now, Sirius focused on the other one and transmitted to her the pain of the first offender. Except it didn't work as she wanted. The woman had toppled sideways, wailing and clawing at her eyes, but she wasn't dead. Or even dying, for that matter. Sirius frowned and tried to turn things up a notch without any notable effect.

One woman was slowly bleeding out; one was being driven insane. Not exactly what Sirius had aimed for, but she could live with it now she was reunited with her dear Petelgeuse. Yanking her chains back and ignoring the various reactions of shock and disgust throughout the clearing, and of course resolving to look into the problem with her Authority later, she sank to the ground and draped herself over her beloved husband.

I most likely fucked up Sirius' character a ton. It's been ages since I've read arc 5 and all I really remember is she apologises loads. Same with Capella last chapter, but that was more 'angry angry' than 'talky talky'. They shouldn't be appearing in the main story for a while so I've got plenty of time, and I'm rereading those chapters now anyway. As always, I will try not to spend ages laughing at my lonely, untouched google docs tab but I can't promise anything.