A Fruitful Conversation, a re:zero fanfic

Author's Note: This fic was made as part of Pidgie's fic exchange for Scissiors.

Special thanks to Turacoverdin (read their stuff, it's literally all good) for beta-reading this chapter, naming the fic, and giving over a hundred suggestions like a madlad.

As usual, thanks to EmiliaNatsuki (author of re:incarnated among other things) for helping me edit.

Further thanks to Syra for telling me to "Write Fuck" when I asked how to do Felt's lines and Lord71 for some general pointers.

"Subaru, are you o-kay?" Emilia asked, a concerned look on her face. She was hoping that the use of that familiar foreign word would calm her visibly distressed knight.

"Yes, Subaru, if you're not feeling alright, I can find a healer to-" Reinhard - who had just broken himself out of his own embarrassment-induced daze - began, taking Subaru's hand within his own once more before being abruptly cut off.

"No, I'm not okay," Subaru said, his eyes fixated on the spot on her dress.

"I'm reme- imagining you with your stomach sliced open and blood pouring out onto the floor as the life drains from your beautiful amethyst eyes, God you're so pretty and Jesus I'm so sorry I'm a failure I love you I hate myself."

An hour earlier…

It had been about a full two days since the siege of Priestella had concluded and the city was liberated. Victory had cost many lives and so much more. Combatants and civilians alike were caught in the cross-fire, some suffering a fate even worse than death.

But the thought of the countless sleeping beauties seemingly frozen in time and the man-sized flies quite literally encased in ice was, surprisingly, not on Subaru's mind at the moment. This is because he was currently about three shots into whatever liquor he was given, and the half-elf's knight was very much a lightweight.

Subaru had, for quite some time now, sworn himself off of drinking. At first, back when he had first come to this world, he argued to himself that a seventeen year old shouldn't be breaking the law like that even while on their isekai adventure. Even when he learned that fifteen year olds were somehow legal adults here while younger kids too drank without consequence, he held firm to this commitment. But, ever since the events at Sanctuary, he had sworn it off with a greater conviction than ever before and for a wholly different reason: fear.

It was not fear of his actions, no. It was fear of what he'd say when inebriated, the fear of the pain he'd inflict by letting his mask drop. After all, it had only taken a single sentence to end Emilia's life once before… and Subaru would never allow that to happen again.

But here he was, sitting alone off to the side of a wide ballroom, slumped over and unable to keep himself upright, having long since succumbed to the temptations of peer pressure.

Subaru blearily looked up for a moment, the world around him fuzzy. He saw a dozen shapes moving every which way but he could not focus long enough to catch their faces. This was fine with Subaru; he'd rather not see what he assumed would be disgusted looks.

He was sad.

Was he sad? No, he was definitely sad.

Or perhaps he was lonely? Yes, that was it. He was lonely.

Subaru swung his head around and look to his left. Nothing. He swung it back around to look to his right. Nothing. He looked out at the blurry mess that was the dance floor once more, thinking. Well, thinking as best as a drunk man could.

Subaru felt lonely. And he suddenly remembered why. But, remembering why, he was abruptly happy and thankful.

Just a few minutes prior - or, to Subaru, what felt like a [REDACTED] amount of time - Otto had sat by his side and had spoken to him for what felt like quite a while. Subaru's mood soured; he couldn't remember what they had spoken about. But then he remembered why he'd felt happy.

Subaru raised his arms to feel his ears. They felt strangely small in his hands now. Part of him wished they were pointed for some odd reason. He could really have gone for some elf ears at that moment, maybe even some nibbl- He ignored this thought, pressing forward with his motion. He noticed there was something lodged in them. Green earplugs, if he remembered correctly. He remembered them being green. But perhaps they were only green because Otto was green and would turn orange and black once in his ears? Questions for Soberbaru. Regardless, man, was he glad that the merchant was reliable as ever.

He gazed back up to the ballroom, thankful that he could hear no more than a soft mumble arising from the blurs before him. He closed his eyes and laid his head back against the wall once more, content.

"Ow!" Subaru yelped, sudden pain bringing him back to reality.

He soon figured out that the pain was coming from his forehead. He wanted to reach out and touch it, but he had felt far worse and, instead, decided to focus his eyes on whatever it was that was before him.

The dancing and ever-shifting distant blurs had vanished, replaced by a single much closer form. He blinked several times, the big yellow blur morphing into a familiar yellow dress as his eyes adjusted to the close proximity of the figure before him.

"Took you long enough," said the figure before him, a frown coming to her face.

It took far longer than normal, but Subaru eventually processed that it was none other than Felt before him, somehow in a dress again. Really, Subaru couldn't understand how Reinhard did it. Every bit of her body language screamed discomfort. Or that was Subaru drunkenly projecting. More questions for Soberbaru.

"You look like shit," continued Felt, having eyed him for a long, silent moment. She was looking down at him, her shorter stature seeming tall compared to Subaru still somewhat slumped-over form.

"What?" replied Subaru, unable to hear her. Which was weird, because he definitely saw her lips move.

"I said," Felt started, her hands moving to his ears. Subaru did not understand this. As she moved closer, he could smell Felt's perfume. Subaru noted this as it was odd to him. For some reason he recognized it. Even more questions for later.

Felt plucked the ear plugs out of his ears without warning, a popping sound being made with their removal. And, in that instant, Subaru was overwhelmed with stimulus.

The sensation of the cold air touching the warmth of his newly exposed ear, the sounds of the ballroom growing and filling his hearing, the smell of perfume that seemed more recognizable with every breath, and, most of all, the sight of the ear plugs themselves once Felt pulled back. It seemed they were green, after all. One less question for Soberbaru, he guessed.

"You look like shit," Felt repeated, her nearby voice overpowering the auditory blur of the crowd.

"Yeah, I do," he agreed, not needing to even think to answer. Besides, his brain was still trying to uncover the mystery of how Reinhard keeps getting her to wear dresses. Subaru lacked the attention span to keep wondering about perfume he could no longer smell so he decided to focus on the dress he could still see instead. His working theory was a Divine Protection of Forcing Lolis to Put on Dresses. Yet another thing for Soberbaru to consider.

The frown on Felt's face hardened, but Subaru did not notice this. She narrowed her eyes, regarding him for a time. Eventually, she turned and walked away without a word. Well, Subaru assumed it was without one. The instant she walked away, she returned to being a blur once more. Her voice too was likely lost amongst the sea of murmurs that Subaru was beginning to dread his ability to hear again.

Subaru rested his head back against the wall, trying his best to ignore what he heard, and went silent once more.

This time, Subaru blinked his eyes open of his own accord. It was strange in a way. It felt as if no time had passed.

The blurs were less numerous and each of them were clearer; they were all more smudge-like now, reminiscent of a Monet painting.

"Huh," Subaru muttered. "I can't believe I remembered that."

"You have a better mind and memory than you give yourself credit for, Subaru."

He turned to the sound of the sudden voice, the disparity in volume between his left and right ears bothering him. He saw, to his left, an unexpected figure. The man had flaming red hair, striking blue eyes, and features so handsome that Subaru immediately found himself put at ease.

"You're less of an impressionist painting and more… I don't know… van Eyck? Well, van Eyck if he could paint someone smiling," Subaru said, conversational and analytical, his total focus on his seated friend's physical presence rather than his words.

"Van Eyck?" questioned Reinhard, tilting his head slightly at the unfamiliar name. A few strands of hair shifted with the motion. A single red hair hung slightly out of place, threatening to ruin the model-like image of his face.

Still ignoring his words, Subaru reached his hand out and brushed Reinhard's scarlet hair a tad, correctly the minor error. "His hair is so soft…" he thought, bringing his hand all the way up to the top of the man's head and gently placing it down on his scalp, his attention having completely shifted from his sense of sight to touch. Subaru's sense of hearing too remained unregarded; made evident by the Sword Saint's tiny yet barely audible gasp, accompanied by his sky blue eyes widening ever-so-slightly.

In that moment, when the half-elf's drunken knight tenderly gave the most powerful man in the world a head pat, Reinhard felt strange to say the least. The Sword Saint had received an order from his Lady Felt to "keep an eye on big bro, that idiot's your friend isn't he?" and - despite protesting the decision to leave her unguarded in such potentially dangerous times - Reinhard obeyed.

When he sat down beside Subaru's barely - if at all - conscious form slumped against the wall, his eyes seemingly glazed over as he stared off at nothing in particular, he did not know what to expect. Reinhard had seen the effect alcohol had on people from a young age, especially from the Deputy Commander, and worried about how it would affect Subaru.

On one hand, Reinhard had always known the black-haired boy as a rather cheerful and upbeat person. Part of him assumed that Subaru would be a happy drunk, the type to cling to his loved ones and pronounce his love for them over and over. But when Felt had given her order, Reinhard's assumption turned to a hope. And that hope came with a sense of guilt, a sense that he would betray what fragile trust his worthless self had been gifted during the recent conflict against Greed.

Deep within his heart, Reinhard held the unspoken desire that, in his drunken state, Subaru would find some way to value the monster that he was for even a moment; that Subaru could see what he was lacking and smile, promising again to make up for it in full.

But, on the other hand, there was something off about Subaru. And it wasn't just his strange mannerisms or turns of phrase. Nor was it his carefree attitude or his seemingly complete lack of prejudice against demihumans, even the half-elven Emilia-sama. No, it was something else entirely.

Reinhard had seen a darkness lurk within his friend's eyes. He saw it as Subaru faced down the Bowel Hunter without fear. He saw it before and after Subaru had had his duel with Julius. He saw it when Subaru snapped at Priscilla just a few days ago. And he saw it as they faced down Greed together.

There were many things off about the famed Lolimancer, but the one thing that most concerned Reinhard was that there was something wrong too.

But, when Subaru's response to the Sword Saint's attempts at small talk and comfort was to head pat him, Reinhard's Divine Protection of Empathy activated.

Happy. At ease. Comfort. Joy. Care. Trust, total and complete. He felt utterly safe.

Bombarded with these positive emotions, Reinhard could do nothing but smile, his face hidden from Subaru's view by his still outstretched hand. It seemed as if he was right, Subaru truly was a kind-hearted man. But then…

Content. Discontent. Envy. Jealousy. Inadequacy. Disdain. Loathing.

Subaru brought his hand back and regarded Reinhard with a small frown, ceasing the flow of increasingly negative feelings.

Reinhard looked back, processing what he had just experienced. That hate which Subaru harbored just below the surface, prompted by Reinhard's presence, was not what he had expected.

Of course, as soon as Subaru began to raise his hand to pat his head, the Sword Saint had anticipated the possibility of a familiar hate filling his heart. But… this was familiar in a wholly different way than he had expected.

Subaru's feelings of utter contempt that overrode his own happiness were not the same ones that people like the Deputy Commander would send his way. No, Subaru's object of ridicule was not the monster that sat beside him but rather… himself.

"Huh, I've never seen you frown like that before," Subaru noted, having been staring silently at Reinhard's face as he thought, prompting Reinhard to shake off his own thought process and refocus on his drunken companion.

"You totally ruin the whole approachable hero nice-guy look when you do that," he continued, reaching his hands out to take hold of Reinhard's face, "Turn that smile upside down! You're more of a Superman than a Batman so no brooding for you!"

Appreciation. Care. Understanding. Playful admonishment. Genuine concern for… a friend.

As Subaru's feelings flooded Reinhard once more, it was what wasn't present that shook him the most. That inadequacy and jealousy vanished. All Subaru held in that moment was a true worry for someone he… he really considered his friend?

Subaru really considered Reinhard a friend? Subaru truly saw Reinhard first and the Sword Saint second?

"Subaru…" was all the wide-eyed knight could mutter, the smile that Subaru forced on his face now coming naturally.

The tracksuit-clad man abruptly stood up, releasing Reinhard from his grasp once more. He wobbled a tad with the action, but quickly steadied himself, saying, "If you were about to apologize, then can it."

He extended a hand to the still seated Reinhard, blue and hazel eyes locking, and said, "Emilia-tan once told me that one thank you is better than a million sorrys. So stop frowning and looking all guilt-ridden, Reinhard!"

"I'm sor- no, thank you, Subaru," the red haired man answered, accepting Subaru's hand.

"No problem. Making up for what the other person is lacking is what friendship's all about," he replied, beginning to pull on Reinhard's arm. Unfortunately, Subaru was still very much intoxicated and immediately lost his balance as the Sword Saint stood.

Subaru almost fell to the ground, but, immediately moving to aid him, Reinhard caught his friend in time, wrapping Subaru's arm around his neck and hoisting back up to a standing position.

Reflexively, Subaru said, "Sorry about th-"

"Subaru," Reinhard cut him off.

"Ah, yeah. You're right," Subaru muttered before correcting himself, "Thank you, Reinhard."

"Making up for what the other person is lacking is what friendship is all about isn't it?" Reinhard repeated, something akin to a smirk on his face.

"Hah, it's not the best look for me to be lacking basic coordination," he replied, leaning even more on the Sword Saint in the process.

"I am sure you will sober up with time," Reinhard said, gentle in his tone, the almost-smirk gone from his face.

"I hope so, my head's starting to kill me," Subaru mumbled, raising a hand to his head, his face tensing up.

Now that he was standing, he could hear and see it all so much more clearly. The chatter and smudges of the ballroom became even more defined, to the point where they were quickly shifting from being in the background to the forefront of Subaru's attention.

Noticing his friend's overwhelmed state, Reinhard suggested, "Subaru, perhaps you will feel better away from this crowd. I am sure we can find a quiet room somewhere else in the estate."

"Yeah… that might be good," Subaru replied, still clutching his head, trying his best to block out the sights and noises.

It took them quite some time, but the pair eventually made their way across the ballroom. Luckily, they neither needed to speak to any familiar faces nor needed to cross right through the dance floor to reach their destination. They simply hugged the wall they began by and shuffled down to the other side of the room.

But, just as he began to acclimate to his environment and only a few meters away from the side exit, a voice like silver bells chimed, ringing out his name. "Subaru?"

He immediately lifted his sights and caught sight of a dazzling figure. He had always always found her to be overwhelmingly beautiful, but, standing to the side of the ballroom with the light reflecting off her hair at just the right angle and Subaru's own drunken state warping his perception, his Emilia-tan seemed more ethereal than ever.

The fact that he could smell a hint of her usual perfume - strikingly similar to the one he'd caught a whiff of earlier - only served to further this point of view. He did not question why Felt and Emilia had similar perfume tastes, but he certainly wouldn't complain either. It always tended to put him at ease and tonight was no exception. Regardless, that was Soberbaru's conundrum to reckon with.

Still staring at her, it took every ounce of his will to not shout "EMT" at the top of his lungs, allowing the whole world to acknowledge the majesty of his angel. But, seeing the furrow of her brows and the concern plain on her face, Subaru was able to restrain himself. Instead, he confidently took his hand off his head and flashed a reassuring smile her way, saying, "Hey, Emilia-tan! I didn't think I'd see you here. Didn't you head back to the hotel?"

"Yes, I went back with Beatrice but I- we were concerned about you so I went to come check…" Emilia started, a light blush coming to her face, unnoticed by Subaru.

She regarded her knight's form, looking him up and down, eyeing his position leaning on Reinhard, and asked, "Are you alright?"

"I drank a little too much and had to sit down for a little while, but thanks to Reinhard here I'm as good as new!" Subaru declared, releasing himself from Reinhard's grasp and confidently standing on his own two feet.

A moment later, Subaru collapsed, falling to the ground almost immediately after his declaration.

Reinhard instantly moved to pick him up but, somehow, Emilia got there before him.

"He's unconscious…" she muttered, holding him gently in her arms, his head hanging over her shoulder.

She gazed upwards and spoke to Reinhard, exasperation clear in her voice, "Thank you for all you have done, Reinhard-san, but I couldn't keep bothering you with taking care of my dunderhead knight."

Reinhard considered the implied dismissal in the King Candidate's words for a moment before replying, "Emilia-sama, before she went to sleep for the night, Felt-sama ordered me to keep an eye on Subaru. I shall accompany you and I hope I can assist in some small way."

Emilia regarded him for a short moment and then said, "Hmmmm alright, then."

Emilia effortlessly but incredibly carefully lifted Subaru up, adopting the same position Reinhard and Subaru held just a minute ago. Reinhard took Subaru's other side, easily maneuvering himself into a position comfortable for both other members of their trio.

With Subaru wrapping an arm around each of them, the Witch of Glaciation and the Sword Saint carried off the black out drunk Lolimancer away from the party and to a quieter, more private location.

"It's alright, Subaru. Just breathe," Reinhard said, his voice as gentle and comforting as he could manage.

"Hrk..."

Subaru lowered his head down further and allowed himself to vomit directly into the toilet. His only comfort was the presence of his friend, the Sword Saint's bare hand - his gloves taken off some time ago - tenderly placed on his back, occasionally giving him supportive pats.

After several more heaves, Subaru's whole body shaking in the process, he raised his head out of the bowl once more and looked upon his friend.

Reinhard was crouching right beside Subaru. They had both long-since cast aside any feelings of shame towards their situation. At this point, the contrast between Reinhard's pristine white clothing and calm demeanor against his own disheveled tracksuit and his pale, sweaty face was more comical than sad to Subaru.

He mustered up some strength and began to say, "On the bright side..."

But he quickly cut himself off mid-sentence, jerked his head to the toilet, and took many calming deep breaths. Reinhard began patting his back once more.

After a moment, he slowly returned his head to its raised position and glanced at Reinhard, the latter's hand once again retracting.

"What…" Subaru said before stopping to take another deep breath, relaxing himself in the process.

"What I was gonna say was…"

Subaru pushed himself out of his heaving position and sat back against the wall perpendicular to the toilet, just across from Reinhard.

"On the bright side, at least Emilia-tan isn't seeing this right now," Subaru finally stated. The ability to form a full sentence was almost an achievement to him. No, it was absolutely an achievement. Good work, Drunkbaru.

"I am sure Emilia-sama would understand even if she did," Reinhard reasoned, knowing well that it wasn't in the half-elf's nature to needlessly judge others.

"Even so, being hunched over a toilet and vomiting my brains out isn't the best thing to show to the person you like."

After Subaru said this, a moment of silence fell over the pair, uninterrupted by the sounds of breathing, heaving, or talking. In fact, it was Subaru's first truly silent moment since long before Otto gave him those ear plugs.

"I have to remember to thank him for that. It really was a life-saver…" he mused, a smile coming to his face, "But he's not the only one who's really helped me out today."

Subaru raised his sights to meet Reinhard's again and said, in his usual joking tone, "Well, I'm glad at least you're here for me, Reinhard. Really, you keep saving me again and again when I'm in a pinch."

"As have you, Subaru," Reinhard replied, subdued and soft, his words far more serious than his companion's.

Before they could continue their conversation, a knock on the door interrupted them, instantly putting Subaru on edge.

Knock, knock, knock.

Immediately, Reinhard stood and approached the door, his tall and lanky build hiding Subaru from the line of sight of any who would stand in the doorway.

"E-Emilia-tan, please don't come in…" Subaru pleaded, raising his voice as loud as he comfortably could.

"I still don't see why, but I won't Subaru, don't worry," a voice like silver bells replied, muffled by the wood.

Subaru relaxed his tensed muscles at these words, happy that he didn't have to mask his discomfort. He doubted that he even could at this point.

"Anyways, I wanted to say I found something I think should make you feel better!" declared the voice, the pride and excitement clear in her tone even when muffled.

Processing her words, he took one last calming breath and stood up from his spot against the wall by pushing himself off of the still nearby toilet. As he slowly made his way towards the door, Subaru cautiously shifted his gaze to Reinhard and gave him a short nod. The Sword Saint placed his hand on the golden knob, turned it, and opened the door.

Emilia stood in the doorway, an almost smug look on her face. Subaru did not notice the several layers of suppressed concern that also lingered in her expression as his attention was firmly placed onto what the half-elf held: an incredibly expensive-looking bottle of wine.

"Emilia-tan, I don't think more alcohol will make me feel better," Subaru said, not very comical. He was far too confused to spin his words into a joke.

"You dunderhead, at least look a little closer at what I have," Emilia replied, pouting and thrusting the bottle out for him to inspect.

Subaru took it into his hand and spun it around to what he assumed was the front of the bottle. The glass was quite smooth and a very dark green, complimenting its tall and narrow shape. Upon it was something akin to a sticker serving as a label, a number of words tightly packed together and scribbled on the surface. Said words were written in complex glyphs that Soberbaru could understand with a little focus. Unfortunately, Drunkbaru does not share this ability.

"What's it say?" he asked. It was mostly to himself, as he was too embarrassed to ask someone to read for him.

"It seems to be a potion that instantly returns one to sobriety. These sorts of potions are often incredibly rare and expensive..." Reinhard explained, looking over Subaru's shoulder at the bottle.

Subaru glanced upwards at his liege and asked, "Where did you even get something like this, Emilia-tan?"

"I found it in the cabinet over there," she explained, gesturing behind her to the rack lined with a number of lavish and borderline snobbish wines on the side of the room opposite the bathroom door.

The room the trio had ended up in was not a large one, but it held a multitude of furniture. To Emilia's left, across the room, was a door that served as a primary entrance. Further into the room, left of said door from Emilia's perspective, was a small arrangement that Subaru swore he saw once in an IKEA. There was what seemed to be a coffee table along with three large, comfortable armchairs each on one side of said table.

"Well, it's worth a shot," Subaru conceded, striding past Emilia and into the room. As the King Candidate and the Sword Saint went to sit in the armchairs opposite of each other, Subaru approached the wine cabinet and fetched three glasses. He then placed one for each of them on the coffee table and filled them with the potion. The sober pair cast Subaru looks of confusion but did not move to stop him.

"Hey, why don't we have a little toast?" Subaru said as he raised his glass, his question so rhetorical that it came out as more of a command than anything else.

Emilia and Reinhard glanced at each other for a moment before taking their own drinks in hand. Subaru sat down in his armchair, brought his glass even higher, and shouted out, "Cheers!"

"Cheers!" Emilia and Reinhard said back, less enthusiastically than Subaru but still with vigor.

But, the second Reinhard brought the glass to his lips, he stated sternly - well, as sternly as Reinhard could - "Spit it out!"

Emilia immediately did so, but Subaru - still drunk and impulsive - had already gulped down most of his glass.

"What's wrong, Reinhard?!" Emilia asked, confused and concerned.

"This is indeed a sobering potion, but one of my Divine Protections has detected that this drink has been spiked with Fannel Fruit," Reinhard explained. He was gazing at his drink with narrowed eyes.

"Fannel… Fruit?" Emilia questioned. Her eyes widened as she recalled where she had heard that name before. She had ingested it herself when playing the 'King Gaaayme' about a year ago, to rather embarrassing results.

"Oh, no…" the pair said in unison as they turned towards Subaru. His once filled glass was entirely empty.

He regarded it strangely as he spoke, all anxiety in his mannerisms gone, "That tasted really weird but… it seems to have worked."

He placed his glass down on the table and looked down at his open hand, opening and closing it several times.

"The whiplash from being the most intoxicated I've ever been to suddenly completely sober is… so fucking weird. I feel all desynced..."

Subaru looked up from his hand. He glanced at Reinhard. "Hey, why do you look so worried all of a sudden? Did you look like that this whole time and I was just too drunk to notice?"

"No, I-"

"It's okay Reinhard, it's not like I'll be shanked in a back alley and bleed out onto the floor with the light draining from my eyes as long as your handsome self is around, jeez you're so pretty it's unfair Reinhard," Subaru said, casually and conversationally, somehow not running out of breath in the process.

Emilia raised a hand to her chest, touching a familiar blue crystal at these words. Any words of concern she was about to say were stuck in her throat. She was petrified. Reinhard too stiffened but managed to reply, "Subaru… why would you say-"

"Something so morbid? I don't know man, that's just how my mind's been working ever since I've come to this fantasy world," Subaru explained, indignant.

"Fantasy… world…?" Emilia repeated, her confusion the only thing to get past her state of shock.

"Well, I guess I've been living more of a dark fantasy than a regular one, but yeah fantasy world is still accurate I guess."

Reinhard reached his hand over to Subaru's and cautiously placed it there, saying, "I'm being serious, if-"

Reinhard cut off as soon as he made contact with Subaru. The touching of their skin activating his Divine Protection of Empathy once more as they stared into each other's eyes.

Appreciation. Affiliation. Attraction, a strong feeling of it.

Right as Reinhard was about to doubt the functionality of his God-like powers, Subaru spoke, almost reverent, his tone softer than Reinhard had ever heard before, "Reinhard, you are literally the most sexy man I've laid eyes upon."

At these words that he knew to undoubtedly be true, Reinhard was left speechless, a faint blush coming to his face. He was quite literally unable to form a response, let alone words. You'd think he'd have some Divine Protection to prevent something like this, but, alas, he did not.

Subaru blinked a few times, shook his head, and looked towards Emilia.

Before she could say anything, he said, "Don't worry Emilia-tan, my heart is still only for you… and for Rem… and for Sa- hrkkkk"

Pain. Fear. Isolation. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt.

Subaru yanked his hand away from Reinhard's and grasped his own chest.

"Huh, haven't felt that in like a year," Subaru muttered to himself, panting heavily.

Emilia, putting aside any reactions of shock or confusion to the scene she just witnessed, stood to help Subaru upon seeing him in pain. But, in her rush to aid her knight, she knocked over her glass of potion in the process, spilling it on a pure white section of her dress.

Subaru's expression darkened substantially as he silently stared at the reddish spot, wide-eyed.

"Subaru, are you o-kay?" Emilia asked, a concerned look on her face. She was hoping that the use of that familiar foreign word would calm her visibly distressed knight.

"No, I'm not okay," Subaru said, his eyes fixated on the spot on her dress.

The room was silent for a time after Subaru finished speaking.

Reinhard, still holding Subaru's hand, had not only heard those words but also felt them. Every single thing he spoke was something he believed with the totality of his heart. And so, again, Reinhard was stunned silent.

Emilia was more than mortified by what Subaru said. She was more than terrified. She was nearly heartbroken. She knew the effects of Fannel Fruit well and to hear Subaru say something like that after having ingested it… well, not even his 100% honest confession of love was enough to swat away her sadness.

Subaru looked up from the stain he'd been staring at and noticed Emilia's expression. A frown coming to his face, he said, "Please don't look so sad, Emilia-tan. If you're so sad then all those de- all that suffering would be worthless."

He continued with a soft, comforting smile, "Please just smile, be happy. I need you to be happy. If you're happy I think I could die happy."

If Emilia wasn't speechless before, she most certainly was now. There was just… nothing she could possibly say to that. The amount of guilt that weighed on her heart was so heavy now that she couldn't even process everything he was saying anymore.

She raised her hand to clutch the crystal on her chest but it brought no comfort. Nothing that has ever been said to her had hurt her so much.

Reinhard, seeing the depressing interaction, attempted to speak up, "Subaru, I-"

But he could find no further words. There was no sentiment he could share in that moment to make things better. He truly was a failure of a hero, for his friend to feel this way.

Subaru turned to Reinhard, seeing the guilt and inadequacy clear on his face, and said, "Don't give me that, Reinhard. We both know you'd die in a heartbeat to save Felt. Hell, you did die in a heartbeat for Emilia and I earlier."

"That's not-"

"How did it feel by the way? Did you get that terrible sensation of loneliness, of emptiness, of your brain trembling, of your rights being violated, and so much more in your mind for but a moment before it all went crashing away and you don't even notice it until you're back awake like nothing happened?"

Reinhard let go of Subaru's hand. He was trembling and tears threatened to escape his eyes for the first time in a long time. The look of calm that often adorned his face was totally cast aside as he stared at Subaru. His voice shook horribly as he asked, "Subaru… have you…?"

Subaru shot out of his seat, knocking his empty glass onto the floor and Reinhard's drink on the ground, shattering them both, and climbed onto Reinhard, sitting himself on his lap. Subaru clamped his hand around the Sword Saint's mouth and held him close. Their bodies were so closely pressed together that Subaru could even feel Reinhard's muscle through his clothes.

Speaking directly into his ear, Subaru frantically stated, "No way, Jose. If you go saying anything like that then literallyeveryoneyouknowandlovewilldie."

And then, the serious look on his face shifted seamlessly to a bright yet empty smile. Subaru jumped off of Reinhard and stood in the empty space across from his original armchair.

Moving his whole body with every word, he continued, "Or not! Who knows? Cause I certainly don't. I'm working off entirely trial and error here and it's better to be safe than... sorry…"

His smile vanished with that last word, his expression instead filling with guilt, "God, I feel so sorry for Julius and his brother. I- I could have done something but I'm not like you Reinhard, I'm not a hero like you, I'm not strong like you, I'm just some idiot."

As he appeared to be on the verge of tears, his voice shaking, he declared, "I don't deserve any of you and… I'm sorry that you can't rely on my worthless self. I'm sorry you couldn't have anyone better…"

"That's enough!" a voice like silver bells demanded, shaking yet strong.

Subaru looked towards Emilia. She was standing now, having cast her shock, surprise, and heartbreak aside. In her eyes was a fire, expressed through the handful of tears that ran their way out of her round amethyst eyes, down her pale and beautiful face, past her cherry-blossom lips, and off of her chin like the dripping of a stalactite in a cave.

"Subaru… you've done so much for me… for us," she started, her voice firm despite the tears pouring out of her eyes. "Please… please don't say something like that. After staying by my side for so long and through so much, don't say that you weren't good enough…"

"But…" he started, struggling to object to the half-elf's claim. The sight of her saddened, crying self was enough to give him pause, even with the effects of the Fannel Fruit urging him to speak out.

"No buts! I won't allow you to curtail your own accomplishments!" she affirmed, swiping her left hand in the air in front of her.

"No one says 'curtail' anymore, Emilia-tan," Subaru shot back without missing a beat, a smile coming to his face.

"This is serious, Subaru," Emilia said, almost pleading. The strength in her voice faltered.

"I'm sorry, but I thought we were joking. You mentioned accomplishments and I assumed we changed conversation topics," Subaru admitted, his smile vanishing.

"Subaru…" Emilia started, words becoming stuck in her throat once more.

"I am sorry for causing you grief, Emilia-tan. Your happiness gives me life and to tarnish that… again, I am sorry you could have no one bet-"

"I DON'T WANT 'SOMEONE BETTER'! I WANT YOU!" she screamed, tired of his refusal to accept what she saw as a simple truth.

"That's a lie," he said seriously, knowing full well how much that word meant to her. His expression was stern to the point where one would have assumed he hadn't smiled for years.

"Hrk…" Emilia vocalized, her eyes widening at his words once more.

"There is no way anyone could want me around, actually want me around. You can pretend and pretend, but it doesn't change the nature of my… my rotten character," he said, his disdain for himself becoming ever clearer with each word he spoke.

"I've never made it past step one, Emilia. No, not even step Zero," he finished his own voice shaking now. His memory of the girl forgotten by the world and the thought of the words she used to carve a place of her own into his heart being untrue brought tears to his eyes.

Emilia marched right up to him with conviction and, with her whole body trembling, she slapped him hard across the face. He was stunned for a moment as she spoke. "If you, who have made me… us… feel this way, are so rotten then the whole world is too."

"Emilia-tan…"

"I believe in you, Subaru. I- I cherish you," she struggled to say through her tears.

"When I get saved, I won't be happy if it's someone smarter or stronger or someone who just happened to be there…" she continued, the fire in her amethyst eyes as strong as a raging inferno to the shocked-silent Subaru.

She could barely meet his gaze, a light blush coming to her face. "I am happy because it's someone… someone I like that saves me… I am happy because it's Subaru that saves me…"

"Emilia, I love you," he declared, his sudden confession causing her tears to halt and her blush to grow stronger.

"And someone... important to me told me to love myself more, to cherish myself more, to count myself amongst those I've sworn to save," he said gently placing a hand on his own chest.

"And… and I'm struggling to do that…" he said, a quiver in his words.

"I'm not a hero like Reinhard," he said, prompting said knight to stiffen.

"I'm not the greatest knight like... Julius," he said, causing both his companion's heads to hurt.

"I can't do crazy magic like Felix. Seriously, I've seen that guy blow up and come back before," he said, his eyes no longer focused on Emilia or even Reinhard. He was fully lost in his own memories.

"I'm not even like Al even though we're both from Earth…" he said, recalling the strength of his fellow isekai victim.

"I'm just ME. I'm just Natsuki Subaru... and that's all I'll ever be…"

Right as Emilia was about to break down into a cascade of tears at his words with Subaru to follow, a third voice finally rang out. "Natsuki Subaru is my friend, my only true friend."

Reinhard was standing now too, staring at Subaru, the marks of rapidly drying tears clear on his face. His striking blue eyes met Subaru's as he continued, "Natsuki Subaru is the man who can look at me and first think 'Reinhard' before thinking 'Sword Saint'"

"Felix can come back from death itself unscathed but even he isn't capable of that," he continued, his voice beginning to tremble.

"Even... Even I don't think I'm capable of that at times," he stated in what amounted to a whisper, a soft declaration coming straight from his heart, from the deepest part of his Od.

For the first time in several minutes, silence came to the room. All of its occupants simply stood there, taking in the catharsis of what they've said. Reinhard had discussed his own doubts and insecurities for what felt like the first time, even if just for a moment. Emilia had declared what could be interpreted as a confession of love by anyone even slightly less self-loathing than Subaru. And Subaru, Subaru was a mess unto himself. He had never been so frank in his life before, especially since coming to Lugunica.

Emilia was the first to break the silence, but not with words. She called forth some lesser spirits of water and wind, wordlessly ordering them to clean the stain out of her dress that had been a catalyst for the whole debacle.

"Emilia-sama, if you'd like I-" Reinhard started, automatically offering to help.

"It's fine, Reinhard," Emilia replied without an honorific, cutting him off. She was no longer in a talking mood.

Emilia and Reinhard both avoided Subaru's gaze as she went about her work, incapable of facing him in that moment.

"You know, this was always one of my greatest fears," Subaru suddenly said, drawing the other two's attention. They tried and failed to raise their gazes to lock with his.

"Beyond death, beyond pain, beyond disappointing my parents with their failure of a son…" he continued, a sad, sad smile painted on his face.

"My greatest fear would be that I would make friends again, only for them to struggle to meet my eye after they saw me for who I really was…" he stated, unintentionally driving the wedge of guilt in both of his companions' hearts even further down.

Subaru turned away from them and began to walk towards the door, hiding the tears that began pouring down his face, saying, "It's alright, really. I think I just need t-"

The grimace on his face suddenly vanished and the black-haired boy fell over mid-stride.

Emilia instantly moved past her spirits to catch him, but Reinhard was quicker. Subaru landed in his arms as if it were a pillow and Reinhard took care to gently bring him up into a bridal carry.

"Fannel Fruit already has a strong drowsiness side effect, but mixed with the sobering potion, his fatigue from the events of the siege, and severe emotional distress…" Reinhard said, almost robotic in his tone. He lacked the emotional energy to continue displaying concern after all that had happened.

"He'll be asleep for at least twelve hours…" he stated, silently staring down at Subaru's sleeping face. It was refreshingly peaceful. It had no pain, nor any of the suffering he - now that he thought back - always saw on it. Even with those quickly drying tears, he'd never seen Subaru more at ease.

"You declared yourself as worthless, as a failure, as undeserving of friendship. But it was I who was that way, Subaru. I will be better. I will be the friend you need, the friend you deserve, the friend who can make up for what you are lacking. I will do for you as you have done for me. After all, that's what friendship is all about, isn't it?"

"Reinhard-san," a voice like silver bells rang out.

He looked up at the half-elf who was suddenly standing far closer. She seemed impatient.

"I don't know why but you looking at Subaru like that makes me reeeaaally angry, even if it also makes me happy," she stated, a mix between a blush and a scowl present on her face.

"I am sorry for causing such feelings in you, Emilia-sama," he replied. Part of him was glad that he wasn't the only one going through such emotional turmoil.

Emilia did not respond. She simply stood there expectantly as Reinhard held Subaru in his arms. Reinhard too made no motions, simply relishing in the odd comfort having his friend close brought him.

"Maybe we should take him back to the hotel and let him sleep," Emilia suggested, breaking the awkward silence that had begun to creep into the room.

"That would likely be for the best," Reinhard agreed. He promptly moved to walk with Subaru out the door.

"Reinhard-san," Emilia called out.

Reinhard turned around, seeing a look of pure determination on her face.

"Could you please give me back my knight? I'd like to take him there myself."

Reinhard froze for a moment. He reflected on his many failures. The loot house, the duel, the siege, whatever else he may have suffered through, and now this. How could Subaru look upon him with such kindness after he failed him so much? And how could he be Subaru's friend if he failed him again by giving him away?

"Reinhard-san?" Emilia asked again, slightly confused but even more assertive and determined.

"A-apologies, Emilia-sama," he stammered out, clearly hesitant to comply with her demand. He slowly handed Subaru's unconscious body to Emilia, a sense of loss filling him with every bit of distance that grew between them. He had his eyes on Subaru the entire time.

Once Emilia fully took him in her arms, Reinhard felt truly empty.

"Thank you for everything, Reinhard-san. We can… we can discuss again once Subaru is awake," Emilia said, her mental strength leaving her, only Subaru's presence keeping her together.

Reinhard numbly nodded but said nothing. He simply kept staring at Subaru as loneliness and guilt washed over him.

Emilia turned and walked out of the door with the sleeping Subaru.

Neither of them wanted to stop holding him close. Neither of them wanted to let him go. Neither of them appreciated him more than in that moment.

Both of them cared deeply for Natsuki Subaru.

Emilia marched her way through the lavish halls, holding Subaru in a bridal carry the entire time, taking great care to not jostle him even the tiniest amount.

The night's festivities - while pointed out to be in poor taste by many - was well attended by the nobility and aristocracy present in Priestella, including the Royal Candidates and their knights. Even so late in the night, the lavish decorations and amenities available to guests were clear to any who took one look at the estate, especially since it was largely spared of the damage much of the rest of Priestella suffered. But Emilia did not care for this.

She walked right past the last dregs of people still dancing away in the ballroom despite the music having long since died down. She hiked her way around what remained of the partially destroyed city of Priestella, effortlessly making jumps that normal people would struggle with. She strolled by countless sights that, albeit damaged, could still inspire entire generations of poets and artists to create great works with a single glance. She strode right into the strangely designed hotel that had so caught her knight's attention when they first arrived there. But not once did she look up.

Not once did Emilia's gaze shift from the sleeping boy in her arms. Not once did any of the breathtaking sights even threaten to be more worth her attention than the unconscious Subaru. To Emilia, for her entire tour-like walk, she had her eyes on what she considered the most beautiful sight of all: the tiny smile that lingered on his face.

"What are you doing with Betty's Subaru, I suppose?" a child-like voice asked from a short distance away.

"Bringing him to bed, and to you," Emilia answered, still not looking away from her Subaru for even a moment.

"Betty finds herself doubting that, in fact," the girl replied, smug as ever.

Emilia, confused, allowed her eyes to flick upwards, making sure to keep Subaru within her peripheral vision. She sent a questioning glare Beatrice's way.

Unintimidated, the spirit girl elaborated with an even more smug look on her face, "Betty doubts that someone who is holding her Subaru so tightly and was staring so tenderly at him would truly want to let him go, I suppose."

At this, a blush formed on Emilia's face as she finally began to exit her trance-like state. She loosened her grip on the boy, only to realize that she was holding him far closer than she thought. Even the small distance created by said action made her feel empty inside. She quickly retightened her grip, hoping that it wouldn't hurt her knight. She didn't fully understand why, but she just… really needed him right now.

"Betty-chan," Emilia started, her gaze having returned to Subaru's soft smile.

"What is it, I suppose?"

"Can I… can I watch him with you tonight," she asked, only powering through her blush and embarrassment with the feeling of ease staring at his face brought her.

Sighing, Beatrice replied, "Surely this will cause unsavory rumors about Betty's Subaru…"

"So long as Subaru is safe and happy, it's fine," Emilia instantly shot back, not fearing any rumors. She has already faced the worst of it, especially with that one about her supposedly causing the snowfall in Gusteko.

After a moment of silence, Beatrice responded, "Alright then, I suppose. But Betty gets his front, in fact."

As the spirit girl walked back towards where she had previously been sleeping, Emilia felt neither embarrassment nor exhaustion. In that moment, all she could feel was sadness and regret that she wouldn't be able to see his face through the night. On the bright side - as Subaru would often say - at least she could still hold him close. At least she could still feel his warmth - the same warmth she felt in her heart, the warmth she now knew for certain was for Subaru and Subaru alone.

Many hours later, only a few minutes before dawn, the window of the Subaru's hotel room gently cracked open. And perched within its frame now crouched the most powerful man in the word: Reinhard van Astrea.

After cleaning the mess of broken glass and Fannel Fruit-spiked potion they had left on the floor, he had taken it upon himself to search the entirety of the Priestella for any remaining Witch Cult related threats or civilians in peril. Before coming here, he had done so three times over.

The first search felt obligatory, as if it was expected of him even if no one asked for it. While he did it, he felt as he usually did when aimlessly patrolling the capital on his days off as he often did before the Royal Selection.

The second was done out of concern for Felt. He would never allow her to come so close to death again. He had already killed his grandmother and he was not going to add his Lady to that list.

The third was different. The third was done for Subaru. After what he had seen and heard these past few days, Subaru's presence had become something that Reinhard doubted he could continue living without. And so he would allow nothing to threaten to remove him from this world. Or possibly even remove him from it again, if what Subaru said about the feeling of death meant what he thought it meant.

Pushing that particular thought out of his mind, Reinhard scanned the hotel room from his window-top perch. All three of its occupants were sleeping. Subaru laid in the middle and on his side, a soft smile present on his face. Beatrice was curled up in front of him, her head nuzzling the black-haired boy's chest. And Emilia was spooning him from behind. Using a Divine Protection he still couldn't believe he had, Reinhard was able to see through the sheets. He noted and then tried to ignore the hand the half-elf had placed on Subaru's rear.

The tiny frown he had on his face shifted to a forced smile as he regarded the odd trio of strange, sheltered boy, strange, sheltered great spirit, and strange, sheltered King Candidate. They were all outcasts in similar ways. In a way that Reinhard wasn't. He felt alone.

Knowing that he could not join Subaru on his expedition to the sage's watchtower did not help him feel any better. He was sad that he wouldn't be able to watch over his friend. He was sad that he would likely fail him once again. He was sad that Subaru would be leaving his side and marching right into inevitable danger yet again… or was it envy?

Reinhard did not know. Instead of thinking about it more, he spent the remaining minutes of the night watching over the sleeping Subaru, relishing in the smile that lingered on his face.

"Thank you, Natsuki Subaru."