"Petelgeuse…"
Natsuki Subaru was currently trudging through Arlam Village with a lifeless blue-haired maid, Rem, in his arms.
The village was in ruins with fires engulfing some houses and bodies strewn everywhere in the open air. Corpses filled with cross-shaped daggers were in piles that leaked copious amounts of blood and smelled of death.
"Petelgeuse…"
All Subaru could think of at the moment was cursing the archbishop's name and carrying the girl held in his arms, disregarding the villagers except for a single thought to utter their names. He was too focused on getting back to the only place he knew which was the Roswaal Mansion.His hatred for the monsters that caused this was his motivation to take every step.
"Petelgeuse, I'll kill you…"
When he finally arrived at the gate leading to the mansion, he opened it and was met with the sight of Ram's corpse against a shed with daggers embedded in her torso. She had managed to fight off a few witch cultists with her magic before being overwhelmed. Subaru couldn't handle the sight and his tears began to flow.
"Petelgeuse!" Subaru fell to his knees in despair and began to wail into the silent night sky. He couldn't understand why the madman would do this aside from his nonsensical rambling which only caused him to hate him even more.
Soon enough, his tears ran dry and exhaustion began to set in from his trek but he steeled himself as he still had things left to do. He got up and walked to the mansion entrance to open the doors only to be met by the lobby, covered in viscera and even more corpses belonging to the witch cultists. He tried his hardest to ignore them, keeping his focus on the girl in his arms, and began making his way to the servant wing of the mansion.
The entire way there was filled with an eerie silence as if the world had died along with the mansion's inhabitants. It was a far cry from the days spent working as a servant for the mansion. The halls would usually be filled with banter from Ram and admiration from Rem, maybe even the occasional praise from Emilia for his hard work but now, they felt empty.
Meanwhile, Subaru was trapped inside of his thoughts while sometimes limping his way through the halls.
"It's all my fault, right? Maybe if I was stronger, I could've stopped Rem and everybody else from dying. If I wasn't so pathetic, Emilia wouldn't have left me at the capital. If only—"
He was snapped out of his self-loathing thoughts when he bumped into something, it was the door to Rem's room. He opened the door and made his way over to her bed before gently setting Rem down on the bed. He pulled aside a chair from the nearby desk and placed it next to her bed to get a better look at her.
Her maid uniform was stained with blood and full of dirt, her limbs were twisted, and one of her arms had burn marks. Subaru immediately regretted looking and wanted to turn away from the sight before him but he couldn't. This was his failure, his inaction led to this and the death of everyone he loved.
"I'm sorry Rem, I was such a burden for you and everyone else by just sitting around and feeling sorry for myself. I could've prevented this and yet I was too useless," He spat, clenching his fists and feeling his hatred for himself skyrocket
"It is the result of your actions. You were slothful and did nothing." Subaru thought back to Petelgeuse's words and as much as he didn't want to agree with them, he was right, he truly is slothful.
Subaru sat next to Rem in silence and resigned himself to only looking at her face. Her face was illuminated by the moonlight streaming in from the window which made her look beautiful. The final expression on her face was a smile that only served to remind him of her last words.
"Live…"
How could she tell him to live when he watched her in so much pain? Why wasn't she cursing him for not stopping that madman and letting him twist her body? How could she risk her life for someone like him? Subaru couldn't understand why Rem would do this for someone like him.
After a while of sitting in silence, he needed to think of what to do now in his current situation.
"I need to kill that damn monster or maybe I can collect information, but those require starting a new loop damn it! Couldn't I have gotten a bonus power or something when I came to this world?" He lamented his weakness before coming to a decision.
Subaru decided to just pick the morbidly simple option which is to die. He had no other power to rely on when coming to this world, so he had to try his hardest with what he had to save everyone.
"There is most likely nobody left here but me so I won't die unless I commit suicide…" he trailed off, thinking of his first suicide, the circumstances behind it causing him slight pain when being reminded of the now-dead oni sisters
"Dying isn't the only thing I can do to fix things is it?" He questioned before he resigned himself to doing what he can to save everyone.
He got up from the bedside and made his way towards the kitchen.
The kitchen was still neatly organized and glowed from the moonlight streaming in from the window. Subaru made his way towards the drawers that contained the knives and he pulled one out. He hesitantly held it up to his throat and tried to push it in with as much force as possible before hearing a frail voice in the back of his mind.
"Live…"
He instantly dropped the knife and collapsed to his knees with shaky breaths. He tried to get himself back together and prepared to shove the knife into his neck again. Before he could, he stopped and the voice rang out in his head once more.
"Live…"
"Why should I live?" He shouted in frustration, "If I die everything will be fixed and nobody will need to die in the first place!" He prepared the knife to stab his heart but to no avail.
He tried to commit suicide again and again but no matter what, he was still haunted by the final words of Rem.
"Live…"
The word "live" had become a curse, his soul did not want to betray Rem's final wish.
Eventually, he gave up and dropped the knife for the final time before he laid down on the floor of the kitchen. No matter how hard he had tried he couldn't kill himself.
"I'm sorry I'm such a failure to everyone, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't do it," He sobbed for a while before wiping his tears and coming to a decision, "I'll listen to your wish, Rem."
Subaru would have to live with this timeline and accept his failure to save everyone. He would have to make a promise to follow Rem's last wish and struggle along the way to fulfill it.
"I promise to live for you Rem, I'll do my best to honor your memory. I will not use Return by Death again."
He stood up and exited the kitchen to wander the mansion. He was hoping to find anything useful or maybe the small chance of finding someone alive.
As he wandered the desolate hallways once again he began to think. What should he do now?
"All I know is that I should live but how? I have nobody left except for people in the capital, but would they really want me back?" He only had one person to blame for his current situation, "Why did you take away everything from me?! Why did you have to kill Rem?" He said while his whole body was shaking and his eyes narrowed in fury.
Subaru had never felt this much hatred for a person in his life and became blinded by rage.
"Damn you Petelgeuse I'll kill you!!!" He unleashed his anger by repeatedly slamming his fists and kicking a door to a random room.
After he calmed down, he went back to wandering the halls in silence. Soon, he noticed a familiar presence from a nearby door that could only belong to one person. He ran to the door and opened it as quickly as he could, causing it to slam on the wall. He was met by the familiar sight of enormous bookshelves and the smell of books.
"How rude of you I suppose."
"Beako?" Subaru said in disbelief.
"Why do you still insist on calling Betty by that infuriating name—" Beatrice was interrupted by a crushing hug.
"Beako! You're still alive!" He shouted joyfully while he spun her around in his arms.
"Put Betty down in fact!" She raised her arm and used her magic to toss Subaru onto the doors leading to the library.
"Now what is this about Betty being alive in fact?" Beatrice noticed a dark glint in Subaru's eyes when she asked her question.
"Those disgusting madmen from the witch cult attacked the mansion and the village. They killed everyone here!" Subaru nearly shouted, hatred clear in his voice.
Beatrice flinched from his insane outburst before composing herself and saying, "Hmph, obviously Betty is safe from those filthy cultists, they are too idiotic to break through Betty's door crossing I suppose."
Subaru quelled his anger and sighed in relief before saying, "Well, be glad I'm smart enough to get through your door crossing, It's also good to see you're fine."
"Betty does not need your concern and she wasn't complimenting your intelligence in fact." She huffed and got up from her chair to walk towards Subaru
Subaru was confused as to what Beatrice was doing before she held out her hand towards him.
"Let Betty see your hands I suppose."
He held both of his hands out towards her and finally noticed the dried blood and the scars the chains formed on his wrists. He could only look away in disgust at his weakness and inability to break out of the chains before everything occurred. Beatrice went to heal his wrists with her magic and an unreadable expression. Subaru felt calm and refreshed for the first time in a while from the healing magic.
"Betty is only doing this because she doesn't wish to see these unsightly scars I suppose." She said after she finished healing him and headed back to her seat.
Subaru could only smile at her kindness and the familiarity of Beako and her tsundere attitude.
"Thanks, Beako, your cute tsundere charm will always be appreciated by yours truly!"
Beatrice was completely outraged by these words in return for her kindness, "Get out I suppose! Your made-up words will never make sense to anyone in fact!" Beatrice proceeded to launch Subaru out of The Forbidden Library and slam the doors shut with her magic.
"Sayonara!" Subaru shouted before getting slammed into the walls of the mansion. He got up and rubbed his sore body before getting his thoughts together. He had always loved this routine he and Beatrice had.
Seeing her put his mind at ease and temporarily distracted him from the thoughts of death and hatred. He thought of Beatrice and her shut-in behavior, he would need to leave the mansion eventually but he doesn't have the heart to leave her alone.
Subaru stared at the world under the cover of the moon before he looked around the hallway. It seems he was at the hall near Roswaal's office where he found a secret exit from the previous loop and the trail of blood leading to it…
He tried to ignore the lingering thought of Emilia possibly being dead but he just couldn't. He had failed her, and he had to accept that he couldn't save her and wouldn't be able to as long as he kept his promise to live.
"I'll have to see what happened to her. It's the least I can do instead of leaving her body to rot." He held down the urge to vomit after saying this.
He walked into Roswaal's office once again and saw a familiar flower pin and a blood trail on the floor leading to the bookcase which was closed this time. He walked over to the bookcase that led to the tunnels underneath the mansion and pulled it open. He went down the stairs and oddly, didn't feel the cold air that was in the staircase from the last loop.
"What the hell even happened last time? My memories after going down the stairs are too fuzzy," Subaru thought, reaching the bottom of the stairs.
He maneuvered down the dim hallway by sticking to the wall before he came across the door from the last loop which felt very ominous. He walked to the door and reached for the handle before he felt an unspeakable sense of dread, he pulled his hand back and shivered while feeling his blood run cold.
"Why am I so scared?" Before Subaru could ponder this further, he noticed the sound of rapid footsteps coming from the other side of the door. He backed away from the door and prepared to run back up the stairs to safety.
Immediately, the door in front of him flew open and he saw someone covered in blood and cuts, freezing up after looking at his mean eyes. The figure looked familiar and so he looked up at its face and his eyes couldn't believe what he was seeing.
"S-Subaru?" A female voice reminiscent of silver bells rang out in the hallway. She had long, flowing silver hair, amethyst eyes, and a green crystal hanging on her neck.
It was Emilia who he had already presumed dead.
Hope you enjoyed the chapter! Criticism will always be appreciated as I want to write something I'm proud of and something you guys will enjoy.