Witches in Reality
Chapter 3
Minerva's trial
As I sat in the courtroom I was ready, my palms sweaty, knee deep in mom's spaghetti! Yet I couldn't lose. It was my first case ever, after all.
I look at my client, the blonde haired woman seemed to be sad at being in court. No wonder, everyone feared the judge on the current docket. I prepare my documents, all listing the heinous crimes that Minerva had committed, I recite them in my mind:
"Attempted murder on an injured bystander. Witnesses total over twenty, all of them confirming that the blonde haired defendant had assaulted the victim with fearsome punches and kicks. All, while proclaiming to trust in her unorthodox healing.
Second charge filed against my client was her attempted breach into a children's cancer ward, and she brandished illegal brass knuckles with the insistence that a swift punch or two to their heads would kick their cancer right out of them. This incident prompted the rapid response force to subdue my client and for her to answer to her crimes."
Wow, what a dunderhead of a client, however I had played all the Phoenix Wright games, I know how to win. It's simple, you just have to bullshit your way through all evidence, witnesses, and leave your dignity outside!
This will be easy peasy lemon squeezy!
As I wanted to exchange a few words with my client, the court bailiff rose up and intoned:
"All rise for Judge Typhon!"
As everyone got up we all witnessed the full glory of the judge. Wait, what in hell's bells, is that a child? A short petite girl that couldn't be older than 9 seemed to be struggling with her long, flowing black robes that seemed to make her trip on more than one occasion. Presenting the courthouse with a view of her dignity being trampled.
Oh shit, she just fell on the ground and smacked her face on a leg chair, as I witnessed what was occurring everyone helped her up.
Everyone gazed away, yet Judge Typhon sat in the pompous chair and used a booster seat to make sure she could see us all over the podium. Her velvet eyes seemed to scan the courthouse until they saw me, and she cheerfully said:
"Ayo, It's Satella-san, what're you doing dressed up like a lawyer? We'll have tea later ok, make sure to bring Frederica."
I was flabbergasted since I didn't know anyone named Satella, especially one that was identical in my appearances for the judge to remain thinking I am someone else. I cleared my throat and replied back:
"Ahem, ahem, I am unsure who this Satella person is, but my name is Emilia, no surname. And we are here for the case of the State versus Minerva, I am the representing Attorney."
Typhon's eyes seemed to blink slowly as she processed this information. Finally, it seemed she grew impatient and screamed at the prosecutor, hey! He looked like Edgeworth, what a worthy rival.
"Hey, so what's what, sinners need to be executed and crumble into a million pieces, alright. So let's get this docket underway."
Edgeworth cleared his throat and he responded:
"Well, we have the defendant, Minerva of Wrath, dead to rights on CCTV, as well as multiple witnesses attesting that she went with brass knuckles to punch the children to death."
Minerva stood up and as I tried to tell her that any word she used could be considered unfavorable she still spoke:
"HEY! I WANTED TO HEAL THEM KIDS, ALRIGHT!"
Everyone looked at her strangely, as the definition of beating kids to death seems to be drastically different from healing them.
I sighed and stood up as I yelled:
"OBJECTION!"
They all looked at my weirdly, strange. This is what Phoenix sensei does when he gets the courtroom enthralled.
Typhoon cleared her throat and asked:
"What, exactly are you objecting to?"
YES! THIS IS WHAT I NEED. I clear my own throat, Jesus is everyone sick with co vid? And respond:
"I object to this trial of course, it's a sham. Minerva is innocent, those CCTV cameras? Nothing but government drones, the witnesses? Paid actors of course. Not a shred of proof is damaging my client, just obscure words and the guilty government happy to send a woman to jail!"
Man, I did ~reaaaally~ good, huh. Phoenix would be giving me a thumbs up for sure!
Everyone still locked at me as Typhon seemed bored and concluded while pounding her gavel:
"Objection denied, attorney is mad crazy, no cap. Also Minerva you get three days in jail, and no fricking sweets are allowed!"
Minerva busted into tears as I nodded along and smiled while thinking:
"Another successful case!"
(Scene Change)
Subaru laid down on the therapy chair as Carmilla consulted him and tried to make him feel better.
"So, Subaru…."
"Call me Gopnik Subaru, I cannot forget my ancestry at all."
Said the so called SerbianBaru as he lacked drip but was crouching in a slav pose, smoking a cigarette and drinking polish whiskey. Carmilla was fascinated, this guy wasn't lustful for her! SO, she ended up lusting over this mega chad somehow.
She licked her lips as she got closer and whispered:
"You know, I'm single alright?"
Subaru exhaled his Morava cigarette as he got up and dusted off his Adidas tracksuit as he replied:
"Yeah, so am I. Frederica and Satella won't include this superior Serb into their ménage a trois, I guess they racist as fuck."
"Maybe they just want to be lesbians?"
Inquired Minerva as she undid her sweater and twirled it around, Jesus is it hot or what?
Subaru finished his cigarette as he took another swig from the polish vodka and was leaving as he replied:
"No woman is 100 % lesbo, they all need this chad in their life."
Carmilla didn't let him leave as she hugged him wearing nothing more than her dark stockings, Givenchy high heel boots and her sports bra, she replied lustfully:
"Well, you aren't wrong, however this young maiden is in front of you, panting, with desire, can't you satisfy me?"
Subaru looked at Carmilla for the first time. The pink hair, them misty eyes, the enchanting pale legs, and her busty figure always hidden by that sweater. He finished off his vodka as he approached the window, opened it and concluded:
"Report to the ship, we'll bang later, ok?"
And Subaru Shepard stepped out through the window as Joker caught him in the Normandy SR-2, and they left to fight the Reapers.
AN:
Crack on dope on meth on no sleep and we dancinnnn. Give me moar ideas please.
Next Chapter definitely gonna have DJ Sekhmet and Liliana so prepare for cringe.