AN: If only Syra worked on Stars That Form the Future instead of this, right? Smh.

Anyway, as you might've seen on AO3, this is our collab work, which is a #1 New York Times bestseller and has been hailed by writers like William Shakespeare and Stephen King as the best piece of literature they ever laid their unworthy eyes upon.

Go check out Syra because he's written some good fics like Stars That Form the Future (Subaru's kids from alternate timelines are sent to the main one), Maiden's New Life (has Natsumi and that's all you ever need for a good fic), and Satella's Champion ( :] ). He's also told me he's working on some smut that will be posted soon. Ignore what he said on his AO3 post.

And uh...I guess that's all...oh right.

Where is chapter 5 of Stars that From the Future Syra? Where is it?

Capella Radio

"Kyahahahaha! That was so much fun!"

Sitting on a luxurious chair in an equally opulent room was a woman. Well, she looked like a woman, but the monstrous arm with claws, reptilian tail, and raven wings all contradicted that notion. Even her "human" appearance was bizarre: a petite woman with short, golden hair, crimson eyes, and a bikini top with hotpants. Sleeves adorned her arms, but there was no shirt connected to them. All in all, she stood as the complete opposite of the grand and ornate room.

"Roy! Come here!"

The door to the room opened, and in walked a boy of about 13 years of age. He wore a dark green uniform, and on his face was a wide and deranged smile. Upon approaching the woman in the chair, he kneeled.

With reverence, he spoke, "What is it you desire, Mama?"

"Hm," the woman began. "This lovely lady wants to know if there's any news from those other meatbags! What are they even doing out there!?"

"I do not know, Mama, tsu."

"Ah! You're utterly useless!"

Waving her more human-like arm, she beckoned him to come over, which he immediately did. Once he was at arm's length, the woman gestured to an elaborate device in front of the chair, one that resembled a microphone.

She gently touched it with her finger, and a loud reverb spread all over Lugunica's capital.

"What's up, meatbags!? It's me, Capella-sama, on today's scheduled water time Capella Radio!"

Almost in unison, everyone in the streets, be it a merchant or a housewife, a knight or a noble, sighed and covered their ears.

"There's no news to share, so we'll move on to my adorable child's show," she continued. "Roy, go!"

However, Roy did not respond. He kept looking at the microphone with a drooling mouth. It was as if he hadn't heard Capella's order. Suddenly, he lunged forward and swallowed half of the microphone in a single gulp.

A loud screech resonated over the country, and many fell to their knees upon hearing the high pitched sound.

"Roy!" Capella shook Roy, trying to get him to drop the microphone. However, it had no effect as he turned his back to Capella and started swallowing it deeper down his throat.

"Meili!"

With that scream the screeching sound disappeared as Meili cut off Roy's new snack, and it was replaced by the voice of a young girl.

"Technical problems have arisen. Forgive us for the inconvenience. The next scheduled show shall happen smoothly and on time."

Many in the streets booed at the speaker tower where the sound had come from and some merchants even threw some of their rotten food at it.

However, everything bounced back upon getting close as if an invisible barrier was in place. Nothing could come close to them, not even the Sword Saint.

With no other option left, Capella turned Roy into a small kitten and picked up the microphone mid-air with her other hand. It was fully covered in drool…well, what was left of it was covered in drool. The top half had been ripped off and was surely resting in Roy's stomach, and some teeth marks were clear in what was left of it.

Throwing the broken microphone to the side, the Archbishop returned Roy to his usual self. He didn't have the courage to look at his Mama straight in the face.

"Roy," Capella's voice sounded…angelical. Like silver bells, if you will. "Why did you do that?"

Roy took some time to reply. "I was hungry, Mama."

"This is the third mic you've eaten this month," she said, and despite her soft tone, her eyebrows twitched as she struggled to control herself. "Pandora won't keep sponsoring us if we have to spend all our budget replacing everything you eat! You don't want our budget to go to Regulus's spa, do you?"

"I-I don't, Mama."

Capella towering above his head had scared him into submission. He shivered when she started patting his head with the utmost care.

"Good boy. Now go back to your room because Mama does not want to see your face for the rest of the week." Contrary to her tone, the punishment she inflicted was cruel. Not only was Roy unable to see his beloved Mama for a week, he probably wouldn't eat a thing as well.

"Yes Mama."

Gloomy and defeated, the gluttonous boy trudged out of the room, leaving Capella alone with the radio and half-eaten microphone.

Nearly four years ago, the Witch Cult led an organized attack on the Water Gate city of Priestella. During said attack, Capella Emerada Lugunica managed to capture the city's broadcast system and use it to spread her messages of terror. Later, Natsuki Subaru liberated the radio, and used it to deliver a profound speech that is still remembered today.

Since then, that communications system was mass-produced and placed in every major city of Lugunica, with the aim of serving as a means to warn citizens of attacks or catastrophes.

Then along came the Witch Cult.

Ironically enough, the radio put in place to safeguard against them fell right into the cultists' hands. Not only had they seemingly revived out of nowhere, but they took control of the most important source of information in the Kingdom in less than a week.

At least the murder and burning of villages had stopped…though some wished for that to come back if it meant they would stop hearing the voice of the Sin Archbishop of Lust every few hours. Of course, no one dared to say it outloud.

And that was the current situation.

Now the entire capital was forced to listen to Capella's almost-hourly radio show, a fate they all lamented. From the monarchs in the castle to the poorest in the slums, none were out of her reach, and none were safe from Capella Radio.

To make matters even worse, the presumed dead Sin Archbishops resurfaced, if only to star in their comrade's new show or engage in their own businesses.

Once more, the speakers all around Lugunica's capital turned on, and from them came the voice of everyone's favorite Sin Archbishop.

"Hey, hey, hey! What's up, meatbags!?"

Like every other day, the various people on the streets booed and yelled at the radio to no avail. So long as the barrier stood around the broadcast building, Capella Radio would continue.

"To~day, we have a ve~ry special guest!" she continued. "Can you guess who it is?"

Another voice joined in. "If Pandora dragged me here just for this, then I think it's a direct and extreme violation of my right to spend my time as I wish. Seriously, can a man not get some time off with his wives? Ah, this is how far society has fallen, how deplorable. Is it really too much to ask to be left alone and unbothered? Really, what a pain!"

"Yes, yes, alright Regu, we heard you. Now, as I was say-"

"'Regu?' I do not recall being named that. My name is one of the very few things I own, yes? To disregard it as if it were just another common possession is to disregard and insult everything I own, including my rights."

Sitting next to the microphone (which was replaced after the previous one's unexpected passing), Capella sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. Having "invited" Regulus Corneas to the show, even if Pandora was the one that insisted she do so, was probably the worst decision she made so far.

"Anyway~," she said. "We invited you here, Regulus, to discuss one of your favorite topics: marriage!"

The white-haired Sin Archbishop shook his head and waved his hand, a frown on his face. "Why are you assuming I'm interested in marriage? It's true, yes, that I have several loving wives, but I do not understand why you would assume something about someone else when you are not entitled to do so. By trying to infer my interests, aren't you taking away my right to state them myself? Do not misunderstand, I am not claiming you are incorrect in your assumption, but I find it rude that you would presume you know someone's preferences when you barely know them. Is that not considered 'rude' in every sense of the word? If it's not, then I must admit that my views on common sense and society's views on it are misaligned."

"You're the misaligned one…" Capella muttered. Due to being in the middle of his rant, Regulus didn't properly hear her words and he flew in rage.

"What did you just say? DID YOU INTERRUPT ME!? BREAKING MY RIGHT TO SPEAK IN PUBLIC, HOW DARE YOU!?"

"What I was trying to say is that this lovely lady received an anonymous letter asking me to invite you to my show to talk about marriage," she explained, making the guest calm down.

"I see," the now-relaxed Sin Archbishop of Greed spoke. "Who's the woman who infringed upon my rights?"

"The letter is anonymous, Regulus. I don't know who sent it. Elsa!"

Hearing Capella call her name, Elsa stepped inside the studio with a white envelope in her hands. Unlike in the past, the Bowel Hunter no longer wore a revealing outfit, but instead had on a deep blue shirt paired with a short skirt and tight leggings, reminiscent of an office lady's suit. She handed the envelope to Capella and stepped outside the room.

"Regulus, do you want to read this letter?"

In an instant, Regulus snatched the envelope from her hands and opened it, carefully reading every word within with the greatest concentration possible. After minutes of agonizing silence, he crumpled the paper and threw it against the wall, leaving a massive hole and destroying a fair part of the building in the process.

"I see now," he calmly stated. "Why, I see that I was getting all worked up over nothing, yes? Of course, not that I wish to imply that I was angry, not at all. I consider myself a very calm and peaceful person. Case in point, I abhor violence, much unlike that Romanee-Conti, and things like gluttony, pride, and so on are petty self-indulgences far below my level, indeed. I really can't understand those who give into such selfish desires. Not that I think less of those who do, of course, since I believe everyone should be free to choose whichever path in life they desire, but I am merely stating that I am not one of those people, yes. While I cannot, for example, sympathize with Batenkaitos's hunger, I can see why he…"

Once again, Capella sighed. Today was going to be a long day.

"... all of my wi-..."

With every minute Regulus spoke without anyone daring to interrupt, Capella dozed off more and more. In the end, she recurred to a simple trick: using her authority. She lumped together all of her internal organs into a ball the size of a coin, then threw it under the table. It rolled until it hit the door, and then it turned into a liquid and slipped through the small space between door and floor. Out of the room, the liquified organs clumped together to form a perfect replica of her.

She stretched her body before heading straight for the control room. Once Meili saw her, she looked through the glass panel and saw her Mama still standing next to Regulus. She pointed at the "fake" Capella with a slack jaw and her eyes wide open.

"Come here Meili. We're going out for a walk, let him argue with himself." With a wave of her hand, she ordered the mabeast user to come to her side. Meili obeyed, taking a last look at the Capella next to Regulus. It wasn't moving in the slightest.

"You're not allowed to leave during a broadcast, Bishop Lugnica," a voice rang out from seemingly nowhere. Capella rolled her eyes and turned to the voice's origin, standing right behind her.

"You have to be fucking kidding me," she deadpanned. "I have to stand him? I better get a fucking extra from this."

Pandora stood behind her, not changing her expression in the slightest. Seeing her usual enigmatic smile, Capella dragged her palm along her face and liquified herself again. She then returned to the meat puppet she had left behind, and readied herself for what would feel like weeks of Regulus's rants.

"Good morning meatbags! Another day, another program!"

Capella's voice was heard all over Lugunica as early as 5 am, and some had to admit: her annoying voice was a perfect alarm for waking up.

"Let me introduce today's guest to you: Petelgeuse Romanee-Conti, the Sin Archbishop of Sloth!"

"How spectacular! How astonishing! How marvelous it is to be granted a chance to speak to the capital itself!"

Capella's eyebrows twitched as she had to stand yet another lunatic ramble for two hours. All because Roy couldn't stay quiet and stop eating important equipment. And by equipment she was talking about the four new meatbags he ate while she wasn't looking. She was starting to regret turning him into one of her children.

Just a little though.

"Say, Geuse, what do you want to talk about? This program is quite long, you see. I've pre-"

"THE WITCH! HER LOVE!" Petelgeuse bowed with enough strength and speed to break the edge of the table, sending splinters everywhere and making his forehead gush blood like a fountain.

Capella felt an inexplicable desire to snap Petelgeuse like a twig. Why had she even thought he would be interested in anything but the witch? Did interviewing so many idiots turn her into an idiot as well? Truly a terrifying thought.

"Her love! Motherly love, erotic love, familiar love! The love of the witch!"

"You see, our sponsor has already prepared a variety of topics for this collaboration." She handed over a paper sheet with some quick scribbled notes. "So which one will you choose? While you read that…"

She stood up and sighed, getting ready for what was about to happen.

"This program has been sponsored by none other than the Vanquisher of Evil, the Almighty, the Loved By All…" She opened her legs and raised her right hand as high as she could. "The Magical Idol Girl…" Capella moved her hand downwards and slightly bent forwards.

"PAAAAAAAAANDORA-CHAN!" She then did a quick twirl and finished by closing her left eye, making a peace sign in front of her right eye and smiling.

Two explosions were heard and pink dust erupted from the ground, floating while Capella posed. She could almost hear Pandora clapping and saying 'How magnificent. Such a perfect display of beauty.' in the control room. No one was there to see her except for Meili, Elsa, a Petelgeuse who wasn't paying attention and Pandora herself. This little act was for Pandora's personal enjoyment.

"Don't forget to go to her next concert in Flanders! The duration will be of around three hours and many of her songs will be performed, such as 'Flugel's Wings', 'Hoshin just can't catch a break' and 'You fucking stupid half-elf whore let go of my beloved'!"

She sat back on her seat, somehow not flushing red despite the extremely embarrassing sponsor she had just done. She turned to Sloth and asked:

"So? Did you choose?"

"LOVE!" Petelgeuse said, tearing apart the sheet of paper with his Unseen Hands.

Capella burrowed her head in her hands. She would need to ask Sirius for a goddamn therapy session after this.

"YOU DON'T GET IT," the madman proclaimed. "SO MANY IGNORE THE WITCH'S LOVE NOWADAYS! THEY'RE TRULY SLOTHFUL!"

"Yes, yes, sloth and whatnot…is the Witch the only thing you can talk about?"

"What else could there be to speak, to converse, to talk about!? There is NOTHING more sanctified, more divine than the Witch herself!"

Restraining herself from either suicide or murder, Capella put on a strained smile and asked, "Really? Nothing about…oh, I don't know…Wrath?"

Petelgeuse froze. "You…you…how DO you know about that!? Impossible! How can you be AWARE of that gangstalker!?"

"Oh? This lovely lady was unaware you had such a relationship with her…"

"Indeed! She has been stalking me for years! Just the other day I had to kill one of my OWN Fingers! He was blinking morse code to her!"

"Morse code?" she asked. "But…don't your Fingers wear hoods…?"

"IT DOESN'T MATTER! HE WAS SENDING SIGNALS TO HER! HE WAS AN AGENT OF THE DEEP KINGDOM!"

"The…'deep kingdom?'"

"YES! THE CONGREGATION OF POLITICIANS WHO MANIPULATE OUR WORLD BEHIND THE SCENES!"

"Um…"

"Absolutely! They even orchestrated the Demi-Human War! They assassinated the Lugunican royal family!"

"Uh…"

Petelgeuse rambled on, completely ignoring the look Capella was giving him. "It may sound insane, crazy, deranged, mad! But it is the TRUTH! The deep kingdom has been controlling the world for ages! Why else would the economy be so terrible!?"

As he spoke, Capella grabbed a nearby pencil and paper and began writing down his conspiracies. "Go on, what else did they do…?"

"It's obvious, clear, overt, undeniable! They're responsible for every calamity! The government is run by a sect of Witch-haters who poison the water supply to turn earth dragons gay! And they're covering up the truth about the Sage! The Great Cascade is falsified to keep us from venturing beyond!"

"Falsified…uh huh…and the earth dragons…"

"That's right! They don't want you to know this, but the water dragons in Priestella are free, you can take them home, yes! I own 458 water dragons! They're the pinnacle of diligence, DILIGENCE!"

"Yeah, uh huh, water dragons are free…"

"And that's not all!" the Archbishop of Sloth proclaimed. "The deep kingdom is also goi-"

Before he could continue, a part of the wall was busted down, and a figure clad in bandages and wraps stepped in, saying, "Pe~telgeuse! My dear! How long have you been here, I'm sorry!?"

His eyes narrowed and his mouth fell open, clearly in both shock and awe at the figure standing right there.

In the blink of an eye, the figure - Sirius - jumped toward him and wrapped him both in her arms and chains, lifting him into the air. "PETELGEUSE~! Finally! I'm not letting you out of my sight again, forgive me!"

"Unhand me!" he spoke, his words falling on deaf ears as Sirius began to drag him away. "No! The deep kingdom won't take me alive! Save me, master Flugel! Capella, do something!"

Instead of helping out, Capella merely remained sitting down, looking over the "notes" she had taken of his ramblings. She didn't move even as Sirius left the studio, forcefully dragging Petelgeuse with her.

Though some stuff was her own doing, maybe this "deep kingdom" stuff could be useful to her, somehow.

Eh, a thought for later. She would need Pandora's sponsoring to make it work, and that was already a more-than-arduous task.

"Go~od morning, meatbags! Capella-sama is here, back for another program!"

A buzz could be heard all over the room. Capella waved her hand, chasing some flies away.

"If you're wondering why the audio sounds so bad, it's because this program is being broadcasted from a new studio! The static should be gone after a few days, don't worry!"

After Sirius's "accidental" destruction of the past studio, Capella retreated to Gusteko. Since the old one had been destroyed for reasons out of her control, Pandora decided to simply make a new one from scratch and quickly left for her concert. Anything else would need to be dealt with by Capella and her children.

They rushed to, at minimum, get the radio working on time for the next program. Anything else could wait, and that sadly included getting rid of some… unfortunate individuals.

"But mere background noise won't stop me from entertaining all of you! If I don't, how would any of you love me? But enough chatting, let's get to it! It's time for…" Due to a lack of sound effects, Capella herself drummed the table.

"Capella-sama's ASMR hour!" She bent forward, getting closer to the mic until she was just a few inches away from it.

"Are you trying to sleep, my cute little meatbags? Are you all tucked in bed, waiting for me to give you a goodnight kiss? Or maybe are you still working, wishing for Mama to give you a lap pillow? Your dre-"

"WHY. ARE. THERE. SO. MANY. FUCKING. FLIES!?"

In the middle of Capella's relaxing ASMR, Meili kicked the door open and interrupted the broadcast.

"Mama, I can't even enter the control room!"

Capella was about to tell Meili to go back to her duties, but stopped as she heard her words.

"You can't get in? Are there too many flies or something?"

"Yeah! The room is pitch black and the door won't budge!"

"So we're not broadcasting now?"

"No." Meili deadpanned.

"..." Capella fell silent. "Fuck."

Not too much time passed before all the flies mysteriously disappeared and Capella obtained four loyal employees.

"Go~od morning, meatbags! To-" Capella cut herself short and let out a long yawn. Meili noticed some bags under her eyes. Last night had been hard on her.

"There were some technical difficulties after our last program, so I worked reaaaally hard to fix them. So, in order to compensate for missing a day, I prepared a special interview for today! Say welcome to today's guest: The Sin Archbishop of Gluttony, representing Gourmet, Ley Batenkaitos!"

"Wassap," Ley said. Instead of sitting in a chair like a normal person, he was doing squats on top of it.

"Uhm, Ley, mind if I ask you a few questions?"

"Yeah ask us your questions, though they'll just be you wasting air."

"Ok…" Capella pointed a finger at him right as Ley jumped down to the floor, took off his shirt, and started doing push-ups. "What exactly are you doing?"

"We're on our grindset, obviously."

"Your… what?"

"We were in Vollachia a few days ago and we met someone interesting: Sigma Chaddenton. He was gourmet, so we ate him and we've been following his training since then. It's pretty good. We always do some edging before eating, though his was different."

Capella could only stare at him in disbelief. "What?"

"Let me explain. We are based. A based sigma. So based, in fact, that we legally changed our name to Ley Basedkaitos." He picked up a sheet of paper with a schedule noted down, then bit his finger. With the blood coming out of it, he masterfully drew two faces, all while still doing push-ups.

He pointed to the one on the right: A doodle version of himself with a neutral expression of determination, oozing confidence.

"This is us, Ley Basedkaitos. Meanwhile, this…" He now pointed at the other one: a doodled Capella scrunched up, her eyes red from all the crying, with all composure gone. "This one is you. Capella… More like Cringepella Betarada Ligmagunica."

Even though the youth's words were foreign and incomprehensible, the quick art he had sketched was undoubtedly insulting. "Ley, what the fuck are you talking about?"

"Typical beta behavior," he spat, throwing the paper to a side and going back to his grindset. This time, he put himself at a 90 degree angle from the ground and started doing push-ups with a single finger. "A chad's routine would be impossible for you to comprehend. Someone as based as ourself cannot understand your struggles in trying to get this bread."

Capella turned to the studio's corner, where Roy sat, muttering something to himself. "Roy! What the hell is your brother saying!?"

"Amongus amongus," Roy whispered with madness in his eyes.

"OKAY, THAT'S IT!" Capella slammed her fists on the table and stood up in rage, grabbing Roy's by the neck of his shirt. "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?"

"Based, pog, sigma, cringe, chad." Roy kept whispering with a crazed look. His eyes were hazy and unfocused, darting across the entire room.

"BASED? BASED ON WHAT!?" Capella shouted, wildly shaking Roy to get a single reaction out of him.

"Based on yo mama," he whispered in answer.

Capella let go of her grip, Roy falling to the ground still murmuring words she couldn't understand. She took a step backwards, her eyes wide open and her mouth trembling.

"Ah, our poor brother. He wasn't based enough to withstand the knowledge of our hero, he was too cringe. He told us he was as chad as us… but he was clearly capping."

"Is this it?" Capella whispered. "Have I gone so insane that I'm hallucinating things? My cute child couldn't possibly end up like… that."

Ley stood up and wiped his sweat away with his shirt. He then approached Roy and picked him up, carrying him like a backpack. Capella saw him and snapped back to reality.

"Hey! I didn't give Roy permission to play with you today!"

"Oh? And what are you gonna do? We're the only one who can help him now."

"That's…" Capella averted her gaze to the ground. Ley didn't pass up the opportunity to taunt her further.

"Cope harder, boomer," he said, and then headed to the door and opened it. However, as he was going to leave, he turned back and asked:

"Hey, Cappy, before we leave, have you seen Joe around?"

"Don't call me Cappy! And who's Joe?"

No one in Lugunica heard Ley's answer as the retransmission was suddenly cut. A sonic boom destroyed the entire studio and was heard all over the country.

The next day, there was a public announcement. Capella Radio would stop broadcasting for the foreseeable future due to the constant destruction of the studios and the host's rapidly deteriorating mental health. Everyone cheered, for the terror of the Sin Archbishop of Lust was no more.

All except for one king, remembering the mistakes of his youth with his wife at his side.

An order to ban the use of the word "impostor" was issued the next day.