A/N: I wonder how many times Skyrim will be re-re-released before we get a new proper Elder Scrolls game?
In the darkest place of the Boiling Isles lies the headquarters of four of the greatest evils to have ever gathered in one place for weekly tea and snacks and plans of domination and ultimate violence.
Their leader, the furious King of Demons, sits upon his throne, a legendary high chair crafted of the finest particle board by human hands, gifted to him by his obedient slave (Eda/his mother who also cleared out the small rotting shack behind the tower for King's play sessions). With all his might King, the greatest of calamities, smashes down his war hammer onto the glorious (ratty and rotten) table, silencing his three fellow forces of evil and announcing the start of the gathering.
Squeeeeek! King's rubber toy hammer strikes the wooden table (which barely fits inside the shack) and he clear his throat to get everyone's attention.
"Ahem! With this strike I announce the start of our tenth weekly gathering of the 'Alliance of Super Scary Heinous and Obsessively Lovely Evils." Only one person snickers. "All parties present!"
"Hoot! Here! Hoot!"
Odalia, with bandages over her eyes (thank god) and her hands neatly folded wrenches her head back and shrieks a high pitched wail not unlike that of a banshee or a slowly dyeing pig.
"Skreeeeeeeeeeeee!" She carries on for a good moment before turning back into her regal-ish self. Once again King finds himself annoyed with Eda for shoving the green-terror's Mom into his secret clubhouse. Unfortunately he can't kick her out and he's tried before too! She just walks back and there's nothing King can do to stop her!
Damn long legs...
Next is an elderly gentleman who takes a moment to respond as he scarfs down a delectable slice of Gruyere.
"Mhm! Preeee-sent!" The Madgod announces himself with a delightfully smart smile. And so the gathering of the four greatest Evils of the Boilng Isles commences.
Luz stares dumbly at the Emperor. Amity can't tell if Belos responds the same way but it feels like he is which is the most she can expect from a man who wears a ten pound mask (gold isn't lightweight) all day and night. She crinkles her nose in disgust at how terrible it probably smells inside.
...Where was she? Oh right. Gotta pay attention!
"-t do you mean another god?! The last one effed' everything up for me! Do you have any idea what I have to do to handle my trauma?! The only thing keeping me going is that damned cursed sword and I'm pretty certain it's going to possess me or brainwash me into a serial killer or something!"
Luz is into serial killing?! Oh my Titan! Amity has to force herself from squealing out loud in delight! She can imagine it now; two (girl)friends going for long walks in the park, getting grubby stall food and stalking unsuspecting innocents in the streets at night before striking and leaving their bloody corpse for the incompetents to find!
...Where was she?
"I don't care about your personal vendetta against corporate sponsored breakfast options. It is an empirical fact; you dreamt of one of the elder Aedra and made contact. It has displayed an interest in you and now has tied itself to your fate. Really now, you should be happy that the Time God is involved. The Aedra directly oppose the Daedra in every Kalpa. It will help you."
Luz covers her face with her hands and groans loudly, "You don't get it; I'm out! I'm helping you get back on your throne and then I'm done. No more demons or madness or stupid gods bothering me. I'll find a door back to the human realm, convince my Mom to let Amity stay with us since Odalia's, well, you know, and Eda's no better, then I'll live the rest of my life in peace. Maybe I'll be an E-streamer. They make a lot of money and do nothing but play games in a hot tub for a living."
Amity is aghast at the idea of a streamer. To think such laziness is rewar-wait a minute. What did Luz say she'll do with her mom? Titan, Amity's having a hard time paying attention today.
"And do you really think your Kalpa, your mother will be safe from the meddling of Oblivion? Human, are you privy to what the Day of Unity is?"
The human scrunches her eyebrows together, "I'm... not sure. I think I've heard you say it once and maybe Eda, but I don't know what it's about."
"Hmm, the Day of Unity is the Titan and I's greatest plan for salvation. Within our location of Oblivion we are at odds with other, greater, forces. The Day of Unity is our plan to remove the Titan from this realm and place us within the safety of the another epoch, your realm of Humans."
"Wait, how is that-oh right, magic. Okay so why do you and the Titan want to go to the Human realm so bad? There's no magic and I'm pretty certain Witches would be persecuted and Demons would probably just be straight up hunted to extinction as a public safety issue. What benefits Witch-kind so much in he human realm?"
"Your realm possesses greater Liminal Barriers than the Titan. We would be safe and free from all threats of Oblivion. Your version of Mundus is the realm of mortality alone. Not even the Madgod himself could manifest there. Think about it, Human, you could have magic and the comfort of what you know. As the human saying goes; you could have your cake and eat it too."
Luz stares blankly at the old Witch, "You're lying."
"-nd that's why Next Generation is superior to Voyager, all parties agree say 'aye'."
"Hoot! Aye!"
"Skreeeeeeeee!"
"Oh aye-aye!"
"Excellent!" King slams his hammer down with a squeak, "And now onto the next order of business. Hooty and I have been keeping tabs on our army and, well, it's not good. Hooty?"
The bird-tube-demon opens a notepad (don't ask how) and begins listing off his psych-evals.
"Hoot, noooot lookin' good, hoot! Lulu's dead," Hooty sheds a tear at that. He'll miss his bestie, "-and Eda's gone coocoo for good! Luz and Amity toootally have a thing going on but they haven't confessed yet, hoot! The terror twins don't listen to anyone and leave a mess everywhere they go. I mean, c'mon, it's not hard to pick up after yourselves! At least wash your FUCKING DISHES HOOT!"
"Yeah, seriously, 'Dalia," King cuts in with a sassy glare, "Did you not raise your brats or something?"
"rrrreeeeEEEEEEEEEE!"
"...Okay, noted. Anyone have anything else to add before we conclude this meeting?"
"I do, tiny little terror." The madgod announces with a chipper tone, "I'm afraid to announce that this is my final meetin' I'll be attending. My vacation is just about over so I'll have to be going back. Pooey I say but Haskill is surely missing me. He's really attached, you know? Like a dog, or a well-meaning frog!"
King's iron hard expression breaks and childish despair fills his voice, "W-what?! Aww c'mon, you can't leave yet! We were just about to start our plans to add wheels to Hooty's door!"
"Flame stickers make you go faster Hoot!"
"Sorry not-sorry. I'm a busy god you know? Surely as an oh-so-tyrannical king you'd understand I can't be tied down somewhere for long. Won't be, actually. These little meetin's have been entertaining and all but really, it's time to let go. Maybe find a new game to play? I hear dragons are all the rage these days."
"You're about ten years too late to that party but I understand I guess," King grumbles with his arms crossed, "-What about a going away party? I love the mass-hysteria they cause!"
The Daedric Lord smirks and sips from the nauseous concoction Hooty calls 'tea' without being fazed. King can't help but look up in awe at the poise his rolemodel possesses.
"Don't you worry your tiny little skull off about that! Seriously. Don't. Humpty Dumpty wasn't put back together and you won't be either. What was I saying? Oh right~! My going away party! See, I've invited some friends of mine to come over, stay a little while and unwind. Trust me, you don't know tense until you've met a dremora at work! My friends could use a little vacation and what kind of jolly ol' pal would I be if I didn't share?!" Crocodile tears slip down the god's face, "It pains me imagining all those sad, angry, murderous faces. Where's the time off? Where's the vacation pay?!"
"SSSSSSssssssssSKKkreeeeee?!"
The tears and the pain are gone in a flash, "Oh about a week from now. No invites either. Just look for the festivities and show up! I'll throw a party even Sanguine would be jealous of! Well, ta-ta!"
In a swirl of butterflies the madgod vanishes with the loud but quickly evanescing laughter of a thousand mad-spirits. Silence overtakes the (shack) headquarters of A.S.S.H.O.L.E. and only a Witch and two Demons remain. King, finally shaken from his stupor, cups his skull and squeals in girlish joy.
"Oh. My. Titan. Did you hear that?! We get to meet Sheo's friends! Do you think they'll like me?! Maybe I can join them and be one of the 'cool conquerors' too?!"
"Hoot, they'll probably kill you, hoot!"
"Reeeee!"
"Fine. You're right. It would probably be a lame party anyways... You guys wanna go mess with Eda and put bugs in her hair?"
"I'm in, hoot!" - "Skeeeee!"
"I don't understand. How could my realm of humans be different from the one Bendu came from if they're both versions of Mundung or whatever."
"Mundus, you troglodyte. And it is the different versions of the mortal plane that make it so special. The world you inhabit is reborn through different epochs of time. Time and time again the world, the gods and the people are reborn in a new, fresh version of reality until a collapse. This symptom of existence is known as Kalpa. Yours is a world without magic or gods, correct? I would give your people a god. A true one and from the blood of the Titan, the gift of magic. Your people would have unity and faith in something real. I told you long ago. Conquering the human realm is boorish and that is what I am not. I am a savior, not a savage Wild Witch."
"You're also a really good liar and an idiot if you think you can get any total population to agree on anything. Trust me, I'm American. We know that unity is impossible!" Luz groans in exasperation and runs heavy hands down her tired eyes. "If you're going to the human crap-a or whatever, then fine. As long as you leave me and my friends and family alone I don't care."
Luz pulls something from her pocket. It's a key with a slit serpent's eye embedded into it. She knows what this key is and what it's importance holds. And so does the Emperor. Perhaps he knows its value even more so than Luz ever could. Without hesitation or a second thought she tosses the key into Belos' lap and abandons destiny. Let the old man deal with the higher powers for all she cares. Luz is content with what she has and if the 'Day of Unity' is what is promised then Luz will be reunited with her mother. If it is not then she'll find some other way home. She's certain that her mother knows Luz is missing by now and is pulling her hairs out in worry.
It's a selfish thought but Camilla must wait. She'll have her daughter back in time. Luz has accepted that she's been a fish swimming up river the whole time when she should've been riding the current. It's not as though Luz could've been replaced after all. And if she was then whoever is trying to replace Luz can have their soul fed to Umbra!
Vee feels a terrible shiver run down her assumed form's spine. She can't help but feel she's in terrible danger.
Luz blinks blandly a few times. Straight ahead is the Emperor's castle. It is as ever bit as imposing as it has been in her last few visits. Built dead center over the heart of the god of the land itself is a stepped castle reaching damn near the height of the mountain-sized ribs. Years of church gives Luz serious 'Tower of Babel' vibes. What that comparison entails, for good and bad, she doesn't know and doesn't care to ponder either.
She's not even sure why she was dragged to this place yet here she is on the 'insistence' of Belos. Ugh, at least Amity came with her.
"Wow... it sure is... not like I imagined."
Amity's putting it lightly. While still imposing the great citadel of the ruling coven has seen better days both within the walls and outside as well.
Burned black and highly damaged sections of the walls stand unattended and clearly aged given the variety of the hues of the color. A siege perhaps? There is dozens and up to over a hundred burned splotches on this side of the castle alone. Probably several sieges then. The Emperor's coven flags still flutter in the wind so it seems Kikimora's managed to outlast whatever the rebel families threw her way.
Atop the parapets still standing on the high walls is dozens of severed heads of various Witches and sentient demons impaled on wooden spikes. Some are only a skull while others are significantly more... fresh. Blood stains, old and fresh, leak down from the spikes onto the front facing walls. It's as though the castle itself were crying blood.
Old man Belos stares up at the marred and scarred walls of his life's work. An aura of fury seems to surround the elderly Witch. The metal gauntlets squeak in protest and groan from the sheer strength in which Belos clenches his fists.
Amity and Luz wisely take step away from him. Luz is pretty sure Witches don't literally explode in anger but she's not too sure. Witches be crazy, man.
The long bridge, the only way in and out of the castle on foot, is also lined with impaled bodies ala Vlad's Castle style leading up to the sealed gates of the castle. Luz is quite thankful for the intense trauma that keeps her from losing her lunch at the horrific sight... Goodness she needs therapy.
"I think Kikimora went a bit overboard with the whole 'people on spikes' thing." She says with disgust as she toes around a puddle of person-goo, "I can't believe I'm saying this... again... but things really were better with you in charge."
"Well, the time before the Coven System was called the Savage Ages for a reason. The people of the Boiling Isles are pretty violent by nature. Principle Bump almost gored you when you first met him!"
"Bump held the knife but I'm pretty certain you told him to do it, Amity." Luz says dryly with a raised eyebrow. Amity blushes in embarrassment but continues on trying to avoid her past like the plague.
"R-right, but my point is nearly every adult now tries to maim or get us killed every other day. Seriously, the mortality rate here is nuts but it used to be like ten times worse fifty years ago!"
"It was actually eighteen times worse. I did the math myself. You and your mentor may complain about 'freedoms' and demonize me but the Owl Lady never grew up in the Savage Ages. What you see here now is what it was always like and the castle of the old king was considered a light reflection of the senseless violence."
Belos shakes his head and focuses his thoughts before the past gets the better of him.
"Come along. You two are my witnesses of my return to power. Purely ceremonial but important none the less."
Luz and Amity tag along as they cross the bride but the whole time Luz has a strange feeling in her stomach.
She thinks Belos is lying to her again.
The gates to the castle raise with loud and metallic squeaks and grinding just as they approach them. Amity readies her staff to blast their enemies to pieces but Belos gestures for her to lower the weapon. She's confused by his request but silently complies with relief.
She's yet to reveal her lack of a bile-sac to anyone yet. She had wanted Lilith's input given that the Clawthorne was the closest thing she had to a confidant besides Luz (and she's still not ready to reveal herself to Luz yet either). Her father never gave her the time of day, her mother never listened and Lilith drug Amity's name through the mud for her own selfish reasons.
Amity, for many more reasons besides those three, doesn't like adults. Lilith, however, was both alive and sane so she already had that over her parents. And then she died and Amity's been wallowing in anxiety without reprise ever since.
She... doesn't know if Luz would accept her once she figures out how scarred Amity is. Her body has been violated and her soul is tainted and her very own mind conjures desires for blood and death.
Amity's hideous. And so her human must never know but she know that eventually Luz will.
That day, when it comes, terrifies her.
...Will this stupid gate open already?!
Crchnk!
Thank you.
Belos' intuition was right on the money. The guards that meet them as the gate fully opens practically throw themselves at the Witch's feet in joy. They cry and rave in joy and relief as though the messiah himself were upon them. It's quite clear they've not been treated well under 'Empress' Kikimora.
Their white cloaks are stained with dirt and what looks suspiciously like old blood. Their uniforms are scratched, burned and torn and all around un-mended. A far cry from the clean and crisp uniforms they maintained under Belos' eye. Most are without their signature masks and those that still do have only kept them together poorly. Old bandages cover arms and legs and the dark color shows that they have never been changed since the initial injury.
The guards have scarred and dirty faces and more than a few are blinded in an eye or are missing one entirely. Chipped, shattered and cracked the remaining Coven-members are taken with nostalgia of the golden age they served under Belos. And with his return they're going to do it again.
It's painfully clear to Amity that the poor infantry are going to defect en masse and the only threat to the throne is the mad, red and tiny woman who claimed it months ago.
Amity smirks quite viscously and the voices in the back of her head begin to swirl in delight at the prospect of bloodshed to come.
"It's literally as easy as walking in. I can't believe it's that simple." Luz remarks dully on the simplicity of the trio's super secret spy infiltration mission. She has to admit her disappointment but also finds a portion of herself relieved to be done with all the nonsense.
"Kikimora must be a really bad leader. Belos just told any guard we came across that he's back in charge and they just went along with it. Hmph! Cowards I say!"
"Aren't you saying that because you wanted to fight? God you Blight women are viscous little things ain'tcha?"
Amity blushes at the unintentional compliment and gets lost in all the mushy feelings. Luz gives her a strange side-eye look but chalks it up to a weird culture thing she doesn't understand. Belos, however, understands fully that Amity is a fucking lunatic and wisely chooses to ignore her disturbing behaviors for the sake of his own self preservation.
"It is no surprise morale under Kiki's rulership is so poor. She's a wonderful aide but craves control far too much. I should've cut her loose long ago but the loss of my replacement affected things greatly."
Silence falls over them again. Only the gentle tapping of their footsteps seems to indicate there is any life with them at all. Completely bored Amity decides to drag along the corpse of a conversation.
"Who was supposed to replace you, then? I know my mom, back when she wasn't a screeching lunatic, was sane screeching lunatic; always talking about her plans to rise up in the covens."
Belos scoffs loudly at the mention of the Blight matriarch.
"Odalia's dreams bordered delusion on her good days. She'd be no better than Kiki and neither would any of the surviving noble families. Lilith, so naïve and heartfelt, would've done well on the throne. Had she been successful in recruiting the Owl Lady we would've been living in a Golden Age by now. Alas those two were too shortsighted to see the greater scope. Now we're in worse time than the Savage Ages."
Luz bristles at the backhanded insults of two of her favorite Witches, "Hey! Lay off them! Every family has their issues but they did work their crud out! I think. Sort of. It's complicated."
"I see shortsightedness can be taught as well. There's no use arguing. Edalyn is irresponsible in her pursuit of freedom and Lilith was too afraid of a shadow. And look at where they are now. One is dead and the other is mad with grief. It is a waste of potential. Take care you don't follow in their shadow, Human, lest you reach the same end as them."
She wants to snap back with some petty retort but she keeps her mouth shut instead. Luz feels like she's aged ten years in the past few months alone. Everyone and everything around her has changed so much she feels dizzy just thinking about it sometimes. As pissed off as she gets every time Belos flaps his gums she has to admit he makes a good point about his beliefs. Luz running head first into things, a lot like Eda would, got her into so much trouble that she's still dealing with.
Cursed swords slowly taking over her brain, mind games with demented gods and terrible physical and mental scarring, death and the loss of friends and family. Obviously so much is out of her control but perhaps things wouldn't have turned out so bad if she took the time to think things through? Giving into her emotions mirrors Lilith's shortcomings and she refuses to meet the same end.
There's a warmness that embraces her hand. It surprises her at first and she looks to Amity confused but the mirth in her beautiful amber eyes melts all the anxiety away. For now, in this tiny moment called The Present, everything is okay.
...Beautiful?
Before Luz can have a mental breakdown at that realization the familiar grand doors are before them. Just beyond these doors is the end of the quest. The final boss. The last thing standing between Luz and some semblance of peace. Wordlessly and without hesitation Belos throws the doors open with all his might.
There, under the still heart of a god, is the viscous little tyke herself. The imp is clearly surprised to see them, although it's Belos mostly, standing before her to challenge her terrible rule.
Luz and Amity step forward and brandish their weapons. One wields an epic sword and the other has a rad staff. Both naturally strike a cool pose and if this were one of Luz's anime's there'd be an epic song playing.
Unfortunately this is written format-she means real life! Real life, which means there's no music so she has to imagine some instead.
...Still cool she thinks!
"You!" Kikimora points at the teenagers, "I told you to get lost, didn't I?! Why the hell are you back again?!"
She points a finger at Amity, "And you! I don't even know who you are, green bean, but you can get lost too!"
Amity growls like an actual animal at the nickname and even from a safe distance of over a hundred feet Kikimora feels a shiver of danger run down her spine.
"We're here to end all this stupid bull-crap and, I cant believe I actually agree with this, put Belos back in charge! So like... surrender I guess?"
"Or don't so I can splatter your ashes all the way to Bonesborough!"
"Amity, Jesus Christ please turn it down a notch."
The Blight flushes, this time in embarrassment, and her ears droop down sadly like a guilty puppy. Is she-? Oh god, Amity's giving her genuine puppy eyes and it's working.
"Ah, I'm sorry, Amity I didn't mean to be so mean." Amity gives her just the tinniest of smiles that wraps Luz right around her finger, "It's okay, Luz, I forgive you... Hug me?"
"Ahem!" Kiki rudely interrupts, "If you two are done snogging would you be so kind as to share where exactly Belos is?"
"What? He's right heeeee-oh." Sure enough Belos is nowhere to be seen. Luz and Amity hastily scan around for any signs of a tall, golden masked s.o.b. but can't find him. They look to each other with worry then back up to the empress who's radiating a powerful magical aura.
Tendrils of magically-conjured flesh burst from the stone beneath their feet and tightly bind around their legs. Luz can only release an inaudible 'ah crud' before both girls are ripped violently from their feet and pulled into the air.