DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything from the Naruto universe.

Thinking (+ flashbacks, Naruto speaking in her mindscape to Kurama, etc.)

Emphasis

Bijuu, etc. speaking

Bijuu, etc. thinking

"You bitch," Tsunade snarled. Wasted or not, she began to fight in earnest. "I'll kill you!"

"Please don't!" Naruto begged while dodging literally earth-shattering punches and kicks. Her traveling companions scattered to the trees. "C'mon now," the younger kunoichi pouted as she ran or flashed around evading incredibly nasty attempted blows, then stuck out her tongue childishly at her distant relative. She saw her life flash in front of her when an enormous boulder was thrown and took the skin off the end of her nose. When she saw Tsunade bending over and panting afterward, Naruto turned, blew a raspberry, and wiggled her butt at her.

After nearly 20 minutes of eluding and a few jutsus that were thrown here and there, Naru wore the "old woman" out. "You did great, baa-chan," Naruto said excitedly as she hauled Tsunade up and over her shoulder. "Especially considering that you're all out of shape, your chakra control kinda sucks - for you I mean - and you were fighting half-heartedly!"

Tsunade gawked as she hung over the other blonde's shoulders then used what strength she had left in her arms to cover her face. "I'll still kill you, you brat," she sneered quietly. She had never, ever felt so bad or embarrassed about how far she had let herself go since her fiance's death.

At that moment, Tsunade absolutely despised herself AND Uzumaki-Namikaze Naruto, and she swore vengeance as soon as she had a nap. The damn brat literally skipped through the village's ANBU entrance, chatting with a concerned but NOT HELPING Shizune, whom Tsunade also decided to teach a profound lesson in loyalty to later.

Sardonically enough.

Shortly after Tsunade's limp ass was put in her previously vacated council seat by a lightly henged Naruto who took a spare seat beside her, Shikamaru regaled the village council with the actual tale of the Uchiha massacre, as well as some information about the Kyuubi attack, which scared them silly. He did the Hokage an enormous favor by not including the old man's passive acceptance of what Danzo had done. The council was up in arms and in disbelief about the Uchihas. As usual, the civilians and Hyuuga Hiashi were the most vocal or inflexible in their disbelief that Danzo would ever direct such a thing behind his Hokage's back.

Shikamaru added a little drama when he slowly rolled his sleeve up to reveal a sealing tattoo. Hiashi's byakugan had activated, and Shikamaru smirked: he could almost hear the drumroll's reveal in his mind. Slowly he pulled out a scroll. Within it, he revealed that it contained Danzo's arm (he and his father had previously separated the rest of the traitor from it.) His father, Shikaku, unscrewed the bolts on the heavy armor that Danzo usually wore over it, while the Council sweated bullets. At last, it was revealed: the manufactured arm full of Sharingan. Now Hiashi was the person most incensed.

"Hokage-sama, this must not stand! The outrageous theft of a Kekkei-Genkai is punishable by death," the Hyuuga shouted. He turned to the other two elders, Hiruzen's old Genin teammates, Homura and Koharu, and began (almost) accusing them of conspiracy against dojutsu wielders, totally ignoring the way Naruto had loudly said, "Oh, he dead," about Danzo.

"I'm gonna be needing the rest of him Shika," the blonde said once Hiashi gave it a rest. She needed to return Shisui's eye to Itachi: he'd probably be needing it in the future if he chose to remain a shinobi, plus she figured that Sakura-chan and maybe even Tsunade would want to run tests with Hashirama's cells: that would be up to them. She gave Hiashi a very unimpressed look when he backed up after examining her chakra pathways, sucking in air like a little bitch. Naruto couldn't stand the Hiashi of this time. "See something you like, Hyuuga-san?" Naruto asked. "I will be speaking with you after the meeting in private." She moved closer to Tsunade. "That guy's a major dick."

Tsunade snorted despite herself.

"Shimura Danzo, former Elder and last of his line is dead," Hiruzen confirmed, still looking pained about it which just pissed the younger Jonin off. "ANBU is further investigating his crimes. ROOT's functions are to immediately cease. ...Operations have already begun to reintegrate ROOT nins who are amenable: they will be added to the ranks of ANBU."

"Everything Danzo did was for the good of Konoha," Homura sniffed pompously in his friend's defense.

Time would tell if he and his gal pal were in on Danzo's crimes.

"Is it your opinion that ridding Konoha of our most powerful clan - one that included over 200 high-ranked shinobi and our entire police force - improves the Leaf?" Shikamaru asked, but didn't wait for the old man to answer. "Because if that is the kind of advice you are giving Sandaime-sama, Elder Homura, I fear for our village's present and future. I fear for our children." He heard Naruto - who was sitting quite close to the old couple - whisper to Tsunade about poisoning them and could only shake his head. She smiled up at him when she seemed to feel his eyes on her.

He couldn't afford to admit that her smile made his heart beat a little faster.

Naruto held up a peace sign. "Death to traitors!"

"Death to traitors," Shikamaru easily agreed.

Eventually, the whiny civilian side of the council was sent out after being threatened to keep silent, while the Shinobi Council was polled to discuss Itachi's future. It was decided that all time-traveling Jonin would be tested to see if they were good enough to retain their ranks, and Naruto had a private opportunity to threaten to twist and reshape Hiashi's balls like a pretzel if the man didn't start treating his kids, including Neji, right. She also told him that Neji needed to know the truth about his father!

Learning that his children had been killed during the Fourth Shinobi War after having had loathsome childhoods, (thanks to him and his clan's Elders,) seemed to do the trick more than her threats did. ...Or so Naruto would monitor, no matter how difficult it was to watch her old Hyuuga chibi friends.

Naruto also had an opportunity to apologize to Shibi about Shino not being with them and assured him that the Shino of her time was strong and had lived through the Fourth War. He was happy to continue raising his young son, however, and even asked her to come by their compound soon to visit him.

The council also decided that the Fuckees' names would be slightly altered, their real identities not revealed to the general public for at least five years. Their chibi counterparts (they were actually Naruto's henged clones,) would be seen less and less in the village as time went by. Eventually the real Fuckees would replace them.

There were a lot of arguments about this plan, so the degree was agreed to be revisited and reviewed every 6-12 months.

The next day was the big Jonin exam. Now that Gaara was gone, Jiraiya was put in charge of babysitting Itachi. The Super Pervert wasn't nearly as whiny about getting back to his spy business (and onsen-abuse) now that Tsunade was back in the village, however temporarily. The Sannin spent the evening before the exam with the Yamanakas so that Sakura could spend time with her senpai and shishou.

Tsunade had been very doubtful but curious that she'd ever taken on another apprentice.

The Naras spent their evening visiting other Clan heads to put Naruto under their protection, something the woman wouldn't later be happy about in the slightest. Tsunade told them she figured as much once they reached the Yamanakas, and Shikaku could only shrug, agreeing with her.

Shikamaru was the heir, however, and had the right to offer someone such protections.

"Nice barrier there, Pervert," Naruto said, looking at the somewhat transparent seals that seemed to float within a thick purple barrier that enclosed the arena floor in the stadium the Chunin exams had been held in, (for the time-travelers,) a decade ago.

"That's Super Pervert to you," Jiraiya said cheekily, poking Naruto in the nose.

"Of course it is," Naruto said, glad to see him not treating her like a fungus or someone he was terrified of. It was a little odd, but fascinating, that Yamato-taicho and Sai were sitting so closely together, whispering to one another. She glanced over at Tsunade, who was having sake for lunch close by and seemed to actually be enjoying a conversation with Sakura. She hummed, a little jealous but glad for her teammate. "Do you think she'll stay?"

"I hope so," Jiraiya said, looking at his goddaughter long enough to make her uncomfortable. He grinned when she looked away from him. "I'm glad you brought her back: she belongs here," he said, sighing as if he'd done something taxing. "It's safer for her here. Maybe we can even talk her into becoming Hokage."

Naruto nodded her head, hoping for the same thing. "She'll stay if I can convince Jiji to open up or at least overlook the village's gambling business," she said, sighing. "I don't want the Old Man to go anywhere, but if he stays in charge, I fear for the village," she whispered quietly. "Oh well. We'll just have to see" she said louder and cheerily before dropping her voice into a whisper again. "If anyone tries to take ROOT back over, my friends and I will kill them."

"Careful of what you say, Naru-chan," Jiraiya warned, glaring at the Elders who had just seated themselves.

Once a shit-ton of Jonin arrived shortly after, the Hokage came out to play emcee. "Thank you for coming this afternoon."

As if we had a choice, absolutely everyone else present thought in unison.

"Today we will test our village's newest Jonin candidates in the three major disciplines. Weapons are allowed. First up: Namikaze-san will join Jonins Hatake, Maito, and Chunin Yuhi." Naruto snorted that she was getting her three old senseis as she approached the barrier, ignoring the way some of the Jonin nearly had cows when part of her last name was announced. Jiraiya allowed her in while the three shinobi (whose future moves she knew like the back of her hand,) quietly discussed with the Hokage who would be going against her first.

Naruto cleared her throat. "Forgive me for saying this, but if you plan to call on any of them to fight again, you might want to send them in here to test me all at once." Kakashi's shoulders sagged but he didn't look surprised: he had seen her in action, after all. Gai began yelling about her Youth, but Kurenai looked incensed.

Well, taking Kurenai down a peg or so would be fun... Naruto always thought that Kurenai's ninjutsu could use some work.

As soon as the four of them were all inside the barrier, Naruto gave herself some room, waiting for them to attack and figuring out what she should do first. The three future senseis began talking quietly when Naruto felt inspired. Those that had accompanied her to the past knew from her joyous expression exactly what would happen next.

Pretty much.

"No killing, alright?" Genma said while chewing his senbon from outside the barrier. He threw his hand down lazily. "Hajime!"

"Gaioroike Harem no Jutsu!" Naruto shouted gleefully. Kakashi, Gai, and Kurenai were immediately surrounded with puffs of smoke that then revealed a circle of nearly-naked female, flirty Gai's sporting pigtails with big green ribbons flowing with their hair. "Youth!" came a chorus of female voices from Naru's henged clones.

Kakashi bent over as if to hurl, Kurenai paled and covered her eyes, while Gai looked ambivalent. He stared at the women and looked like he couldn't figure out if he thought they were attractive or not. As Gai yelled out "KAI!" as if to dispel a genjutsu, Naruto and her clones were already flashing forward to punch and quickly incapacitate them.

After playing with them a bit!

Kurenai at this point in time, especially, never stood a chance.

Naruto rubbed her former sensei and Hokage's broad muscular shoulders and reminded herself not to be a pervert.

HE was the pervert here, not her. "Shut up, Kurama," she mumbled out loud to the fox's opinions on that. She turned her head away from the pale, occasionally moaning man she was tending to as she rubbed her nose on her sleeve. Sure enough, she had a nosebleed. She continued rubbing the awesome, wet-dream inspiring muscles in his opposite shoulder with her palm as her bandaged hand tightly held her nose, figuring that the gauze she wore over her weird hand probably wouldn't be as comforting to him.

"Compartmentalizing like this will drive you insane," Kurama rang out in a dark voice, shaking his head. He was far past ready to come out and play, but now he's stuck in the past where doing such a thing will be far more difficult to pull off.

"It's fine. The Fun House has really helped me with that, ya know," Naruto replied. The Fun House is what she called her Mind Palace. Shikamaru encouraged her to build one while she was growing up, and she'd really built it into something special during the war. It really did help her separate feelings and things...

Kurama called it the House of Horrors.

"You really need to up your game, you know," she began telling the man whose back she had straddled above, distracting herself from his body by discussing Kakashi's skills. He was miserable from getting beaten on, jutsu-ed, and nearly blown up most of the day by several of her time-traveling friends. The silver-haired Jonin was laying down on his bed on his belly after showering, probably because each of her friends had thought it would be hilarious to poke him with his Thousand Years of Death jutsu. She bet he needed some cream or something: they made that stuff, right? She was pretty sure that's what those hemorrhoid commercials were about - but even her desire to provide aid had limitations.

"I know my friends are strong and all, but you were stronger than almost anyone... Well, maybe not as strong as me and Bee but that's because we're awesome," Naruto said, snorting as she chuckled. "Just kidding; sorta. But seriously! You need to work harder and you could totally be S-ranked. I guess I should be grateful, 'ttebayo. When you became my sensei, you were a lazy-ass, B-ranked threat at best."

"As if I would ever allow that to happen," Kakashi said into his pillow between groans, ignoring what she said about him being her sensei as he was in so much pain. The Jonin from the future he and the others tested today were very impressive, and he'd been forced to deal with every single one of them, despite the fact that all Jonin-ranked shinobi in the village had been required to attend the testing. Some participated, off and on, but Asuma had disappeared as soon as he was asked to enter a barrier, and Jiraiya was busy leering at a drunk Tsunade all day while holding that barrier up. "Sandaime-sama has plenty of ninjutsu specialists," he complained to his future wife.

"I would hope so," Naruto commented before realizing that he was probably feeling sorry for himself. "You're the go-to ninjutsu specialist though. I think Asuma-sensei could be S-ranked, too, if he worked hard. From what I saw today, Gai already is, and anyway, I bet Jiji was punishing you for being late so often. THAT'S why he made you work all day, I bet!"

Kakashi growled at her. "No way Gai is stronger than me." As the words came out of his apparently stupid and definitely exhausted mouth, he prayed Naruto couldn't understand his pillow-muffled mumbling. Comparing himself to Gai like that out loud was ridiculous.

He was having a hard time keeping himself together at the moment, anyway, thanks to a certain blonde who was on top of him.

Naruto hummed and put her bandaged hand to work on him, too, since her bleeding nose and carnal desires seemed fairly under control. "Well, Gai's probably not S-ranked because he only does taijutsu," her analysis continued. "You have to admit he really excels at that more than anyone anywhere though, ne?" He snarled something she couldn't understand which made her quietly laugh. The man underneath her suddenly flipped over as she moved forward to reach for his neck better, surprising her as he grabbed her hips.

"I have a really good nose, you know," he began, enjoying the way Naruto's eyes went wide. "Even through my pillow I can smell how excited you are," he said in a seductive purr. He pulled her hips down so her wet core was against his erection and cursed when Naruto bounced up with a look of fear(?) on her face and disappeared. "Dammit!" He looked at his hard-on and cursed again. "Look what you made me do!"

Once outside, Naruto henged her whiskers away and sought out her grandmother figure's chakra signature.

How did things change so fast with that perv?

Dimension-hopping, my tight ass: what she'd just experienced was pretty much the future Kakashi she knew after all!

It didn't take long for the blonde to find Tsunade at the Shattered Shuriken, probably the nastiest bar in Konoha. "Baa-chan," she said quietly, "I've got a problem."

"You've got a lot of nerve calling me that after forcing me into this hellhole! Get the fuck out of here." She was seriously feeling sorry for herself. Naruto had put a Hiraishin marker on her, (and Shizune AND Tonton,) so she'd never get rid of the time-traveling punk.

Tsunade wouldn't admit it, but she became concerned when the younger woman began to sniffle. Why did she have to have such a big heart?!

"Fuck... Fine," Naruto said, turning away. She stopped, pulled her Gama-chan out of a seal she'd recently placed on her side, and walked up to the bartender. "Give me a bottle of the strongest thing you've got. I want to get wasted," she said as much to Kurama as the big guy leering at her from behind the bar. "C'mon man," she groaned, leaning back to pop her back a little and wishing that she was wearing something else.

It wasn't like she was indecent aside from her feet, (she was barefoot,) but Naruto had taken off her bandages and had one of Kakashi's shirts on again with a pair of tiny shorts. The whole thing is what she normally wore back in her own apartment, alone as always, back home... in the future. She grabbed the dark bottle and downed it in one go before glaring at the bartender to complain. "That's just sake. I want the hard stuff!"

"Wanna tell me why you look so much like the Yondaime?" the bartender roughly asked as he pulled out another bottle when the blonde put down double what she paid for his strongest sake. As curious as he was about the woman's appearance - he certainly would've remembered her - he couldn't believe she'd just survived calling Senju Fucking Tsunade "baa-chan."

"No, I don't," she quipped before grabbing the bottle he'd provided and moving to the booth in the back of the bar.

Lee, the Shuriken's owner, watched the kunoichi carefully. Like any good shinobi, the beautiful woman with sealing tattoos - something he hadn't seen in decades - sat with her back to the corner, quickly glancing around for threats and exits. She seemed especially paranoid, and not only were her looks striking, but the warm (bordering on hot) chakra signature he momentarily tasted from her was even larger than the Sannin sitting on one of his barstools.

He used to be a ninja before losing most of his leg in the Third War. Now he was a glorified bartender.

The Sannin continued cursing under her breath but ordered the same bottle the blonde just had, loudly telling him that the gal in the corner would pay for it. The unknown kunoichi nodded her head in agreement. At least the Sannin took a glass with her when she walked away. The female Yondaime near-clone looked ready to cry as the Sannin sat down with her. Lee looked away, feeling for her, and very, very curious. He hated seeing women cry, though.

"What's your problem, Blondie?" Tsunade asked before wincing. The nickname she'd just given the girl was the same thing that she, The Pervert, and Kushina often called Minato. When the Yondaime's daughter angrily wiped unshed tears from her eyes and put down a privacy seal with her fingertips, she was also reminded of her grandmother. "You showed some damn impressive skills today, brat."

"I hardly did anything," Naruto said honestly. She hadn't needed to use much in her arsenal to be supposedly deemed an S-rank threat, which she initially thought was funny. She'd never been in a Bingo Book before, to her knowledge, and never wanted to be in one. Tsunade barked out a laugh that made her smile. Naru was so glad the woman had sat down next to her.

"Is that right?" the Slug Sannin asked before pouring whatever the hell the clear crap Naruto ordered into her glass. The gal she was sitting with chugged it straight from her bottle. Tsunade winced and coughed after taking a drink. "Yee-uck! Damn! You must really want to get messed up!"

Naruto laughed and glanced at the woman that, in the future, she admired the most. "Yeah, I do," she admitted, taking another long drink then pounding on her chest because of the burn in her esophagus. "Ya think the bartender is distilling this crap in the back?!"

"I wouldn't doubt it," Tsunade said easily. She wouldn't admit it but was glad that her one living relative seemed happier. Guilt began eating at her and she almost wanted to apologize for not having been there throughout her younger years. "You fight like The Pervert, only... crazier." Naruto shrugged her shoulders and looked miserable again.

Gods, the girl's quick and obvious mood swings reminded her of her grandfather.

"Is it her arm that causes me to feel this way?" she wondered. Tsunade still couldn't believe that she'd supposedly developed the thing that was based on her traitorous teammate's use of her grandfather's cells on fucking Danzo, of all people! Sakura had explained that there was an (unnamed) person who had used them first. She was grateful Naruto had killed her sensei's rival - bastard that he was - and was almost ready to kick Orochimaru's ass.

If she could get over her hemophobia in the future, she sure as fuck could do it now!

Her anger at what Orochimaru had done and might do in the future really pissed Tsunade off. The fact that he'd harvested her grandfather's cells the same way that mystery man Naruto mentioned had? Of all the things that snaky shit would do... Her vengeful thoughts were cut off when Naruto-chan spoke.

"I need to cut my hair."

"Bullshit, it's beautiful," Tsunade said, frowning at the woman who'd used Jiraiya's Needle Jizo but had trouble pulling her hair back following the jutsu that protected her from a nasty combined attack. That, along with her repeatedly turning into groups of nearly nude people, were the funniest things in her battle with Sakumo's brat, the genjutsu gal, and Green Dai- er, Gai. Watching Naruto's performance in the test was quite enjoyable.

It was also the only time Jiriaya stopped hitting on her, making watching the whole fight relaxing, too. "Why do you want to cut it?"

Naruto took a deep breath. Her hair was now almost thigh-length, even though the thickness, texture, and spikiness that either came from her father or was a result of Jiraiya's jutsu (the first time she successfully made her hair turn into senbons, it stayed long,) she actually liked the way it looked on her. It was a pain in the ass to care for, and she wasn't sure it really made her look any better to anyone else - not that THAT usually mattered. "Stupid man..."

"Ah," Tsunade nodded sagely. "Wait a minute! That Pervert didn't do anything to you, did he?!"

"What? No," Naruto replied, her voice going momentarily high. "Yes - I mean... I think we're thinking about different perverts, though." She scratched her nose and thought about it more, realizing that she was beginning to feel tipsy.

"Jiraiya would never do anything to me," Naru continued, snorting the more she considered it. "And if my dear secret godfather DID try anything, I'd whoop his ass then seal his chakra away and..." Naruto hummed, tapping her lips, thinking about appropriate punishment for such a thing that would drive Jiraiya crazy. She'd always been pretty creative. "Maybe throw him into an onsen full of really saggy super old people?"

Tsunade choked and playfully smacked her hand on their table. Naruto saved the booze from falling over and was grateful that the table was so thick; so far it was Tsunade-proof.

The (future) Godaime Hokage was obviously even drunker than when Naruto initially found her. For some reason, it made the blue-eyed woman relax. "I'm so glad I found you," Naru said genuinely, downing the rest of what was in her bottle. She hollered at the bartender to bring her another one but got up to meet him, stumbling as she did so when she saw the way he was limping.

He was strong, though, now that she took a good look at the man. Her vision went sideways. "This is some good shit, man!"

"Be careful," Lee told the kunoichi. He couldn't believe someone could still walk or talk after drinking a whole bottle of the booze he made in the basement. He was also curious about her bandaged arm. ...And everything else about her, really.

"Your mental state is not in any condition to do this, kit," Kurama warned. He usually lets Naruto get drunk when the Slug Hag is nearby, but…

"Please, Kurama," she said out loud before realizing what she'd done - again. She always figured she looked like a mentally disturbed person when she spoke out loud to someone others couldn't see, but she was probably mentally unwell anyway. "Everything's too much," she admitted while leaning on his paw in her mindscape. "Just let me numb out," she pleaded. "I'm an Uzumaki: it's not like alcohol does THAT much to me without you filtering it."

"Keep yourself out of trouble, then. I'm going to sleep," he said with a snarl. Kurama hoped that his words were warning enough to keep the little idiot in check, but he doubted it. As Naruto always said, though, it was her "fucking life," so he had to let her live it. ...For the most part.

Tsunade had a deck of cards, so the two women began playing poker while they drank, both laughing the more wasted they became. Naruto kept winning and winning the peanuts they were betting, even when she obviously tried to throw the game. After sharing another bottle of the horrible stuff, Tsunade finally leaned over and fell against the shorter woman. "I should be pissed, but your luck is incredible," she laughed before burping then grinning as she excused herself. Sitting up but swaying to the left, she tried to vocalize her thoughts. "You could - hmm - almost be a good luck charm for me."

"That's what I've been for years, baa-chan," Naruto said, a small grin on her face as she tried to shuffle the cards again. They flew in the air and Naruto accidentally sent them flying with her wind chakra. "Oops!" Tsunade laughed at her inebriated younger cousin. "I helped ya get rid of all your gambling debts and we each made some serious bucks on the side," the younger woman continued, wiggling her eyebrows as she finally gave up trying to find the cards.

Sighing happily and knowing that she was even more wasted than she'd been in months, the older princess finally asked about the man problems Naruto was having.

"Oh gods," Naruto began, closing her eyes as she rolled them. She shook her head and began twirling her long hair. "I probably just need to get laid," she groaned. Kakashi's unwanted comment about the arousal he must have smelled was incredibly embarrassing. What he would be doing or thinking after she ran away? She couldn't think more about it right now...

"You and I both," Tsunade agreed. "Don't look at me for it, though. I don't swing that way."

Naruto chuckled: she'd heard Tsunade say that to virtually everyone in downtimes during the war. She wondered how true that really was, and the (formerly) future Nanadaime was NOT going to ask if Tsunade had a thing with Shizune! She didn't want to know that.

Naruto's intoxicated mouth began speaking on its own without really engaging her brain, however.

"There's this guy or guys," she said then yawned. "I was with this guy like, forever, and thought we'd get married. He cheated on me when he thought I was dead... WELL, I WAS dead, a little," Naruto continued, not seeing the skeptical yet slightly horrified look on Tsunade's face as she stared into nothing, "so whatever. Fuck him, I guess - although now that I'm here... Fuck me! He's a good friend, though," she rambled on, drunkenly humming to herself as she stretched and nearly hit the dangerous older woman sharing her booth. "...there's this guy who protected me and we had a fling if you could even call it that," she slurred. "He said 'you're mine 'n mine alone,'" Naru continued, making fun of said man's deep voice. "'e made a big deal o' it, right? But then the FIRST time I lef' his place ta go grab some fresh clothes and stuff? I foun' him with 'is arms around another woman. Then..."

"Oh shit," Tsunade breathed. "The same guy? ...Did you kill him?"

Naruto sat up straight and looked at the Slug Sannin as if she were insane before letting out a loud, ugly snort. "What?! No! Absolutely not! He's one of my closest... friends? Yeah. Friends... I guess?" She nodded her head, making her vision spin, knowing it was true: "Friends!"

"Can I see your arm?"

"Huh?" Naruto felt a little bit of whiplash at the change of topics, but maybe it was for the best. Naruto and love obviously didn't mix well.

The time traveler downed more booze, not giving a rat's butt about anything now. "Yeah, you can see, but," Naru began, then blew out the candle that was on the table. "There," she exclaimed in the relative darkness provided. "Use a spark jutsu to see it or somethin'," she mumbled and began taking off her bandages. "I warn ya, though: it got fucked up when we came back in..." Naruto looked around to ensure that no one was watching them or could read her lips. "When we came back in time," she whispered fairly loudly.

"Whoa," Tsunade said as she got a fairly good look at it, her nose almost touching Naruto's mostly-prosthetic arm in the dim light of her spark jutsu. "And you can still use chakra with it," Tsunade breathed in wonder. Even she was amazed that she'd created such a thing in the future, but was also surprised her grandfather's cells had somehow fused with "little Naruto's"

"'ook at my thumb," Naruto pouted, wiggling it as she glared at the little thing. "I'm guessin' that's how small it was when I was eight." Tsunade nodded and moved it and Naruto's fingers around as the younger blonde polished off her next bottle of "Crap," studying the tan of Naruto's natural complexion as it randomly bled here and there into the unnatural whiteness of the creation that allowed the young woman to fight on. "That's how I know I can't go back. I think."

"Why do you have this tattoo on your palm?" Tsunade had never seen anything like it.

Naruto shivered at the reminder and pulled her hand away. "I can't tell ya here," she said evasively. "I got it a little before my arm got blown off... I don't know HOW it came back or if it could help me now, ya know. Kurama-sh says that..." She stopped and glared up at their intimate conversation's intruder. "What d'you wantsh?"

Kakashi's chakra exhaustion caused him to look for his future wife (and personal and professional RESPONSIBILITY, he reminded himself) on foot. He had been looking for her for nearly half an hour and couldn't believe he was having trouble sniffing her out. She must've erased her scent. He'd normally call on his ninken for aid, but he was just too damn tired and in little shape to fight more. Plus, he might need them later.

As he thought about informing the Hokage that he'd lost Naru-chan - and how bad could his punishment get? That Sai kid is always escaping from Ibiki, he remembered before panicking. Oh shit: Naruto's the village jinchuuriki. Indeed he would be in trouble if he couldn't find her soon. Then he saw Shizune and the pig.

He hadn't seen her in years before Naruto abducted her and Tsunade-hime. And the pig.

"Kakashi-san, are you alright?" Shizune asked. She'd seen him fighting today, and had also seen him collapse only a few hours earlier. Naruto-chan - it was still difficult to believe it was really her - had hauled him up over her shoulder and cheerfully carried him away, even though she and Tsunade-hime ordered him to go to the hospital because of overuse of the Sharingan and potential rectal damage. Oddly enough, Kakashi didn't have his headband over the eye that was closed now.

Tonton began making noise, diverting her attention away from the handsome masked ninja with his hands in his pockets.

"Oh! I'm sorry, Kakashi-san! I'm looking for Tsunade-sama. I think Tonton might have found her scent!"

"I'll tag along," Kakashi said, embarrassed that he'd lost his female. What kind of Hatake am I? Minutes later, he was incredibly relieved to hear Naruto drunkenly yelling for more alcohol from the Shitty Shuriken. He was so damn embarrassed over his earlier actions, he didn't quite know what to say to her.

It was not at all like him to react to a female that way. Then again, it was not like him to share his lair or bed with anyone! His bed was being "shared" separately, of course: he was an honorable man! ...His life had been taken over by his wife from the future, however. He'd like to say that his temporary insanity was Sandaime-sama's fault, but no: it was his.

God, the guilt was killing him! But he had a literal mission: "stay close to Naruto; don't let her out of your sight."

Goddammit.

"Naruto," he greeted her, shifting his feet as he met angry electric-blue eyes. The beautiful blonde snarled something at him and slumped over onto Tsunade-hime. Tsunade-hime obviously thought that was hilarious. Less hilarious was the way the Sannin soon tripped and literally fell on her face as she attempted to get up, although both blondes seemed to find that absolutely delightful. Kakashi rolled his eyes and guessed that he'd have to apologize again in the morning when she might remember it. He put Naruto's arm over his shoulder and began to drag her out the door while Shizune had picked up Tsunade - something she seemed used to doing.

"Wait!" Tsunade yelled between chuckles. "Naruto is this the guy?"

"Huh?" Naruto asked as everything she could see spun. "What guy?"

"You two will have really beautiful babies," Tsunade said genuinely.

"WHAT?!" Naruto squeaked, having sobered up at least temporarily from such a statement. "WaiWaiWait!"

Kakashi had never been so glad that he had his mask on. "Thank you," being a polite man, he mumbled, not knowing what else to say.

"GAH!" Naruto tried to flash away but buried herself in a nearby garden. Her minder gave up and summoned Bull who dug up and carried her on his back to Kakashi's flat.

"I want to apologize sincerely for my earlier actions," Kakashi said after getting to his apartment building. "Just because I," he stopped what he was going to say and groaned just thinking about it. "I had no right."

Naruto only raised an eyebrow as she entered the apartment. She was oddly quiet and watched him carefully; Kakashi could only imagine that the sloshed female had a lot on her mind. What he'd done was so wrong. He brought her a glass of water and sat two aspirin down on his end table before pulling out the couch for her.

What a day... What a week!

Little did he know how much more complicated things would become.

Meh, he should've guessed it!