Prim
(Recommended Listening Track: Yesterday-Imaginary Future & Kina Grannis)
I look around the clean, orderly hospital ward. Coming back to myself after an extended period where I must have disassociated from reality. I blink at the scene. People are still going about their routines despite my mother's hysterical tears. I reach over and pat her back, but she seems to hardly notice me. She is really on the brink. She has been for sometime now.
The District 13 soldiers forcibly removed Haymitch a few minutes after he started causing a scene...what was his name again? Colonel Boggs? The tall dark skinned man with the sad eyes released Haymitch back to custody of the doctors, even though someone said Haymitch could be charged for attempting to assault an officer. They are making him sit down on a hospital bed right now, and he's still cursing. He's demanding to speak to someone in charge.
Peeta, well he looks like he's still in shock. He hasn't moved an inch. I look over at him and he just keeps looking forward, and blinking. Not a very good sign, that he hasn't responded to the news after 10, 15 minutes? I sigh. That won't last.
And after the initial shock passed, where I think I screamed, I found myself in a very familiar situation as three years ago.
The Capitol has once again stolen my sister from me.
And I am here left to pick up the pieces just as before.
I must pick them up. Since she has done it again, and taken all of our places, I must make myself get up right now. I must take care of them, since she won't be here to do it. I pinch the outside of my right leg, to bring back some feeling into my body. Sometimes, a person who has had a very bad shock can have trouble shaking off the numbness that seems to come from the mind trying to protect the body from a pain it cannot control. Or at least this is what my mother has told me, when we have to give people bad news, or inform them of the passing of a loved one. I gasp a little. And tell myself that those thoughts are premature. Very premature. I pinch my leg harder, still not feeling anything.
The sharp sting of my flesh brings me back out of my head. I take a ragged breath, and stand up. I quietly walk over to a man who has an air of importance about him. People are bringing him charts to look at and sign off on. His dark rimmed square glasses glint in the fluorescent lighting.
When I step up before him he doesn't automatically acknowledge me. But that's ok. Most people don't notice me at first. They always notice Katniss, of course, but I don't mind. We're just different. She stands out, and I blend in. She's special that way. It would have been much easier for everyone if Katniss had never volunteered for me. My death would have been so much easier to accept than her and Peeta's survival. But, there is no way to undo the things that have been done. So I just clear my throat and finally the man with the thick cut glasses looks up over his medical chart at me. Several other nurses do also, as well as two or so doctors who had been grouped in conference.
"Excuse me, my name is Primrose Everdeen. I need to speak to someone about the medical care of the people in my group. Are you the head physician?" I ask the man and he seems a little surprised. But then he nods and tells me he's called Dr. Kenton. He eyes me a little suspiciously. And I know what he sees. A petite blond girl. Someone soft spoken and easily dismissable. But right now I have to fight that.
"Young lady, everyone is being taken care of appropriately, I suggest you return to your seat. We'll find someone to keep an eye on you if your mother is too overwrought at the moment." One of the nurses says as she takes a step towards me, intending to lead me back to the chairs. But I side step her.
"There are some medical concerns that you need to be aware of in regards to our group. First of all, Haymitch Abrenathy, the middle aged victor, has a substance dependency problem, it includes alcohol or painkillers. He's been sober most of this trip. But after the news we received today, he'll need to be kept on a strict watch. If you leave him unattended he may very well seek out substances to try and cope with my sister's kidnapping. Also, my mother needs medical attention as well. She suffers from severe on-going depression. And she exhausted her antidepressants while on this trip, so that she could keep functioning while trying to cope with all the trauma and hardship we've had to endure. If someone doesn't get her on some mood stabilizers soon, she'll likely become catatonic within the next few hours." At this I glance up and look at the head doctor, and he, incredibility is instructing his nurses to write down my suggestions. I take a shaky breath and continue.
"And my…...brother-in-law, Peeta, he should be monitored as well, or maybe sedated." I say, using the new term that fits strangely in my mouth. I know Peeta and Katniss aren't really married. But that doesn't mean he doesn't love her like they really are. I wince at this thought.
"Does he have a substance abuse problem?" One of the other doctors asks and I shake my head.
"Oh, no, nothing like that. It's just, well, my sister is like his whole world. And...with her captured….well it's very possible he may try to harm himself, once the shock wears off." I tell them all and the head doctor instructs some nurses and another doctor to go and check on Peeta.
I let out a deep breath.
"Anything else we should be made aware of Ms. Everdeen?" The man with the square glasses asks, looking at me now with a new found respect.
"Yes, I might suggest you don't tell Gale Hawthorne that my sister is missing until he's recovered a bit, please. They're close you see. Cousins, and well, if he finds out he may try and go after her before he's even better." I say, wondering what Gale will really do when he finds out. Nothing good.
The head doctor instructs someone to make another note. And then he looks up at me again after reading the note and seeming satisfied with it. He hands it back to the nurse as he considers me.
"We've noticed that many of the people in your group received first aid and rudimentary medical attention, am I correct in assuming that you played a part in that?"
"Oh, I helped my mother. She's what we call a healer back in our District. Something of an apothecary and nurse. She's been teaching me." I look over at my mom when I finish saying this. She has stopped crying sometime during this conversation. The silence worries me more than the tears though.
"Well it seems you've absorbed a lot of knowledge. Thank you, Ms. Everdeen for saving us some time when it comes to treating your group. We'll be better prepared to take care of them because of the information you've given us. Is there anything you need?"
"I'd just like to speak to someone about my sister's predicament, whenever that's possible. And I'd like to help take care of my mother." I tell him and he nods.
"Of course. I'll have one of the nurses escort you and your mother to one of our hospital rooms. Where you'll both be able to wait for word in a more comfortable environment." He tells me, and then he gives me a small pat on the shoulder and one of the nurses leads me back so I can collect my mother and follow her to a room.
I see that they have already taken Peeta to a room, and they are examining him, shining a light in his eyes and reading his vitals. His brother is with him. I sigh in relief and keep walking to the room they are putting me and my mother in.
I am oddly reminded of the Reaping. My mother and I had been ushered into a room then too, to wait to say our goodbyes to my sister. But this time we hadn't gotten the chance.
The impending fallout from this thought, and all the ones associated with it, threaten to overtake me. Even as I help the nurse get my mother into bed. And it presses in, while I help to describe the medicines and herbs she takes for her moods. I don't know how much help I'll be, but I try my best to be thorough and detailed.
I feel the weight of the knowledge follow me around, as I busy myself helping the nurse get my mother to eat. And then after they give her a light dose of mild antidepressants to see how she responds, she barely moves. She doesn't say a word. I sigh and settle in to watch her through the night.
After about an hour I finally hear what I've been dreading.
Peeta's voice. He's screaming for the security guards to get out of his way. He says he's discharging himself and he's going after his wife, and his protege. The doctors tell the guards to retrain him. He loses it. I've never seen Peeta angry. I never imagined what it was like.
He doesn't hurt anyone, doesn't so much as puch the guards, he just slips out of their grasp. But every breakable inanimate object within reach is demolished. Including a metal sitting chair in the lobby. Then Haymitch's voice is there, and he's trying to calm Peeta down. But Peeta refuses to listen, and they have to sedate him. Haymtich is causing a scene again. And it's just horrible, really horrible to see these two people who care this much about my sister have to try and pick up the pieces without her.
And I think I am very very close to falling apart myself.
I don't know what I'm holding on for. I really don't. I just have this fear inside. It's a mind numbing terror that's been gripping me since we first got the news.
I fear that this time I won't be able to stand it.
I'll crumble if I have to watch them kill her….
My thoughts are interrupted by a flurry of activity as the lobby fills with the sound of people rushing in. My heart leaps in my chest. I ran back to the entrance.
I see them wheeling a person in on a stretcher.
It's not my sister.
My heart breaks open, but then when I recognize the battered and beaten face beneath the swelling I cry out in alarm.
"Deen!" I exclaim and rush to his side.
He's unconscious. He looks to have multiple serious injuries. Stings, cuts and bruises, and even...bullet wounds? What in the world happened out there?
"What's his condition?" I turned to look at one of the doctors that was a part of the conference I interrupted earlier when I spoke to the head physician.
She eyes me quickly, but then quietly she informs me.
"Critical. Two gunshot wounds, internal bleeding, erratic heart rate, tracker jacker poisoning, two broken ribs, severe concussion, and multiple smaller injuries. We're taking him to surgery now. Who's his next of kin?" She asks and I go blank for a second.
Deen is an orphan. He has no family.
No wait, that's not right.
Katniss, Peeta, and Haymitch.
From that list there seems to be only one real option.
"Haymitch Abernathy. He's Deen's legal guardian I think. And Peeta Mellark, they're like brothers. They're the only family he has." I tell her quickly and she nods, before disappearing through a pair of double doors.
And that I think was the last straw.
I finally sank to my knees on the cold hospital floor.
And the tears and choking sobs start escaping from my throat and chest where I can't contain them anymore.
Yes, this all feels too familiar. So familiar it's like my oldest nightmare.
My sister.
My only protector.
She has been taken.
And the tears burn bitter and unstoppable in my eyes, and down my throat.
This time I don't know if I'll be able to survive being left behind.