Katniss
The sleep does not last very long. They come for me a few hours after I fall into a fitful sleep, plagued by nightmares of being dragged to the Hobb back home, forced to stand on a table in my underwear, and sing. After I finish the song someone, Rooba I think, starts calling out prices. People take turns bidding on me.
But after the predawn waterboarding session they submitted to me too, I wish I could return to the less real terrors of the dream world. I've never been drowned before, even though I saw them do this same thing to Darius, several times, it doesn't prepare me for the horror of experiencing it for myself.
And while they torture me they ask me questions. So many questions. They only give me a split second to answer before they pour more and more water over my face. The questions are ludicrous, ridiculous, and humiliating. Some of them are about District 13. Some of them are about the rebels and the resistance. But most of them are about Peeta and Gale.
And when they go so overboard that I pass out, drown actually, they have to resuscitate me. I think finally they will put me back in my cell when I regain consciousness. But no. Instead they bring out this machine...I recognize it from the torture session with Darius. They attach wires to me and turn it on. I'm so tired, but I try to fight anyway. I claw at them ineffectually with the fake nails their prep team put on me. They get me strapped back onto the table. Then Thread comes in.
"You weren't supposed to sing that song yesterday." He says in a quiet menacing voice.
I hate myself for it but when I look up into his cold emotionless eyes, I think I whimper.
"One of those useless shitbags you call friends has paid the price." He says and for the first time I look down and follow the movement of his hands. He reaches into a black bag and drags out a single bloody cut off finger.
My screams are muffled by the gag in my mouth.
The lavender nail polish is unmistakable Octavia's. I remember because I had reached out and grabbed her arm before they led them away.
I'm crying now. Sobbing into the gag. Thread sneers at me.
"Crank it to level 5. Snow wants her punished." He orders quickly before leaving the room.
Level 5 is hell.
….
I wake up sometime after noon in my cell. Finnick is gone. But when I call out, the others answer. They tell me Finnick has been taken for a session. I sigh. Joanna asks what they did this time. I quietly tell her about the water torture and the shocks. She doesn't reply.
No one has asked anyone if they're ok today.
After eating the measly portion of food they've left me, more guards come to escort me to the music room.
I work with the music instructor Hym. He seems nervous and pale. My guess is they've threatened to kill him or his family if I go off script again. I won't though. Seeing Octavias's bloody severed finger was enough for me.
I devote myself completely to the work. Even though my head is aching, I'm practically falling over myself with exhaustion and I'm out of my mind with terror. But somehow, the actual process of learning the music with Hym is bearable. He shows me the song on different instruments, and lets me test out a few chords to see which instrument I like best. I tell him it doesn't matter. But he insists I pick the one that is the easiest or feels the most comfortable. Because soon they will want me to start playing as well as singing. It's probably the most bearable part of my day. Here there are no needles, no buckets of water, no shock machines. There are only the hard watchful gazes of the guards and the cameras. But those I find I can tune out if I try my hardest. And I do. I try really hard. Because Hym whispers that my performances need improvement.
He instructs me on how to breathe correctly, how to hit higher notes with gentler air pressure, he instructs me on how to stand and sing into the mic for the best effect. He instructs me what emotions to convey and which ones not to.
I go through the remaining hours in a blur.
I am a puppet once again. I let them pull on my strings. I say the words they want me to say. I walk and talk the way they want me to. I sing the way they want. I let them paint me and dress me.
I play the game. Just like Gale said I had learned to. Just like Peeta had mastered so well during our victory tour. It felt a lot like that tour. It felt like emptying myself out of everything that made me, me.
And after practicing the song, and the interview once all the way through, they deem me fit to be recorded.
A few minutes before they settle me into the big red armchair, they inject me with something that feels a little different than last time. Everything around me looks a little too sparkly, a little too shiny and colorful.
My heart beats erratically, but I try to tramp down my fears and emotions. I pull up the mask. The smile. The lie. The emptiness.
When the red light blinks on, I hardly even recognize it when they say my own name.
Deen
Prim and Mrs. Everdeen were in my room when the broadcast came on. Mrs. Everdeen hurried out and I turned to Prim.
"Shouldn't you go after her?"
She eyes me with a slightly skeptical glance for a minute. It looks strange on her dainty femine face. Then she shakes her head slowly.
"No. There's nothing I can do really. She's trying her best to keep it together, because she promised my sister she would. But sometimes, being around other people just makes her worse. I think it's best to let her be right now."
"Oh, ok."
"Do you mind if I watch it here? I don't want to walk all the way back to my quarters and miss something."
"That's perfectly fine." I tell her and she sits perched on the end of the bed near my feet. It's the spot that's most directly in front of the tv.
"Thanks." She replies not looking at me, but at her sister's face on the screen.
By the time our quiet discussion is over, Caesar and Katniss are past the formalities. I can see she is obviously medicated again. Although something seems different this time.
Her face looks flushed, her eyes look glassy and she has an overall slightly manic look in her eyes.
When Caesar asks her if she's going to sing tonight, she actually giggles.
Prim shudders. I feel a similar sentiment rise up in me. I have never, in all the time I've known her, heard Katniss Everdeen giggle. It sounds wrong.
"Of course Caesar. I would never dream of disappointing our viewers at home."
"That's wonderful to hear!"
"Just trying to make up for the mess I've made before I go!"
"You are a very good sport tonight Katnss. So refreshing! Let's keep this energy going into our questions shall we?"
"Fire away!"
"Alright, well most of our followers wanted to know what happened after that impromptu kiss in the field. What can you tell us?"
"Not much unfortunately. We went back to being friends."
"What? After that clandestine kiss?! I don't believe you!"
"It's the truth. We never discussed it. We just carried on like before."
"So, then sparks did not catch for either of you?"
"I never said that Caesar!"
"The Girl on Fire is so coy! Oh give us details Katniss!"
"Caesar, Peeta was always the one who was good with words. I'm not Peeta. But I have thought of a solution."
"What would that entail Katniss?"
"I can answer the question, if you'll let me perform an extra song."
"Oh! That's wonderful! I'm sure our audiences at home would love that! They might even prefer it!"
"I'm glad you agree, Caesar."
She gets up, and I can see something else now that she's standing. Her dress is a lot more fitted than I could tell at first when she was sitting down. She's wearing a thin, very thin green silk dress that barely qualifies as thicker than night gown material. I hear Prim gasp sharply. I wince in embarrassment for her and my mentor. The dress is not very modest, and it reveals a hell of a lot of Katniss's shape. But at least she doesn't look like they've been starving her.
She does however look a little off balance as she makes her way to the microphone. She clutches the microphone stand like it's a lifeline, and the music starts to play slowly. Then she starts to sing.
It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word, you can light up the dark
Try as I may I can never explain
What I hear when you don't say a thing
The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me wherever I fall
You say it best, when you say nothing at all
All day long I can hear people talking out loud
But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd
Try as they may they could never define
What's been said between your heart and mine
The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me wherever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all
The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me wherever I fall
You say it best, when you say nothing at all
That smile on your face (You say it best)
The truth in your eyes (When you say nothing at all)
The touch of your hand (You say it best)
Lets me know that you need me (When you say nothing at all)
Nothing at all
(You say it best when you say nothing at all) Nothing at all
"Oh, no." Prim says when the song is over.
"Shit, Peeta." I mutter at almost the exact same time.
"They're doing this on purpose aren't they?" She asks, anger in her voice.
I lean my head back quietly against my pillow without answering. I'm feeling drained after watching my mentor sing a love song about her fake cousin, who she had obviously not chosen even after we escaped from the Capitol. These Capitol dirtbags were mindfuckers as well as everything else.
Prim, for being such a little thing, seems to vibrate with anger as she watches her sister being led by an ecstatic Caesar back to her interview chair.
"Wowza! Katniss that song! That was incredible!"
"I'm glad you thought so, Caesar."
"So am I correct in assuming that your bond was so strong, you actually didn't need words to convey how you felt about each other?"
"It was all there in the song."
"Oh Katniss, how you keep us all on our toes!"
Her smile seems a little strained.
"Well I guess that leads us to our next question. And that is, where did that leave Peeta in all this?"
"Peeta?" She blinks in bewilderment for a moment.
"Yes, Katniss. The man you pretended to marry on national television, almost 4 weeks ago."
"Peeta and I weren't speaking for a long while after the Games."
Caesar gasps. "How can that be? There's plenty of footage of you all together. Hugging, holding hands, laughing, smiling, kissing too!"
"Yes, well, that was-"
"A lie?"
"Required of us."
"I'm sorry? What?"
"I mean-what I meant to say is that we had to perform to keep up the facade of our strategy. We had marketed ourselves as star-crossed lovers. So we projected that whenever the cameras were on."
"And when they weren't?"
"We weren't." She says in a vague but pointed way.
"Katniss, I have a feeling this is turning into one of those situations where you're trying to avoid telling us the truth. I don't suppose you've got another song up your sleeve for this one?"
"I was the winner of the 74th Hunger Games Caesar. What makes you think I'm unprepared?" Her voice is a little hard-edged, and I think I see just a bit of trepidation in Caesar's eyes.
"Well, by all means Katniss, go ahead and demonstrate it to us if you can."
She gets up and she's more steady this time. She reaches the microphone unassisted and she's more confident than before. A kitschy tune strikes up and she tilts her head back and forth to the music with a smile before she sings.
Maybe you thought
I hung the moon
Maybe you thought
We were johnny and june
Maybe we thought
It was just us two
Maybe we spoke too soon
We never lie
And we don't tell tales
We bite our tongues
And our fingernails
We fall in love
And we don't fall out
Maybe we speak too soon
Here's you and me
And in between
We draw a line
But we can't see
Where it bends
We scratch our heads
And race against
The heart's content
Oho oho oho oh yeah
Maybe we hurt
Who we love the most
Maybe it's all we can stand
Maybe we walk through the world as ghosts
Break my own heart before you can
Here's you and me
And in between
We draw a line
But we can't see
Where it's bend
We scratch our heads
And race against
The heart's content
Ohoho yeah
Maybe we know how the story ends
Maybe it's not even about us
We both retreat to opposing sands
And the love lives on without us
One thing I know for sure is
Love will find a way
Love will find a way
Here's you and me
And in between
We draw a line
But we can't see
Where it's bend
We scratch our heads
And race against
The heart's content
Oho oho oho
You and me
Oho oho oho
You and me
Oho oho oho
You and me
Oho oho oho oh yeah
When she finishes she returns calmly to her chair. And Caesar praises her for her talent and hard work.
"Two songs in one night! What a treat!"
"You're welcome." She says with a tip-lipped smile.
"So, from what I can gather, after the Games, the facade of your relationship crumbled when reality set in. Peeta for his part, thought you veritably 'hung the moon'. While you drew a line between your public and personal lives."
"Yes, I think that sums it up pretty well."
"My, my, my. What a tragic twist in the story! But it's not over yet folks! Oh, there are more turns than you can even imagine! Thank you Katniss Everdeen for your cooperation tonight, and we look forward to hearing more from you on this subject."
Katniss looks pale and closed off, but she nods mechanically anyway.
"Alright folks stay tuned for the next segment! I hear it's going to be a wild one!"
Prim immediately gets up and switches the set off.
I don't blame her. After seeing one victor, a man named Valve that I had met exactly once, in District 6 beheaded last night after he fell into a blade trap while he was running for his life, I don't want to see what the Capitol has in store for tonight's entertainment either.
We couldn tune in after all the segments were done and get the results.
"Deen, I don't think I can stand seeing them do this to her." Prim says quietly as after she sits back down.
I look over at her, and her blue eyes are filled with tears. I fight the urge to give into that same feeling. Because Katniss wouldn't want me to. Katniss would say something or do something to make her little sister feel better.
So I reach out and take her slim hand in mine.
"At least she's alive, Prim. And she's strong. She's so strong. She's still hanging in there. We've just got to figure out a plan to make this work."
"Yes," She chokes out the word quietly, before rubbing her eyes with the back of her unoccupied hand.
I let go of the hand I'm holding, the moment having passed and now it seems a little inappropriate to keep touching her.
"Thanks." She says softly as she looks over at me. And I don't know why I do, maybe its because I like to think I'm helping my mentor a little, by helping her family, but I blush at her appreciation.
"Yeah, well, maybe we should talk to Gale." I say, changing the subject.
"Oh, yes, I think he said he wanted to talk about how his meeting with Beetee went today. I'll go look for him. He's probably in Rory's room."
"I'll be here." I say sarcastically, motioning to the IV and the machine monitoring chords that I'm connected to.
She smirks at me.
"It's killing you to stay put for once in your life isn't Sparrow?"
"Hey, only my friends call me that."
"And after everything we've been through in the past few weeks we're not friends?"
"I don't know Everdeen. One bossy sister figure might be all I can handle in my life."
She snorts. And walks out.
…..
(Listening tracks for this Chapter are: Lauren Duski- When You Say Nothing At All, & Hearts Content- Brandi Carlile. If you haven't heard the songs before they're worth a listen. When You Say Nothing At All, is a traditionally more country western and folk song, I chose it because it symbolizes not only Katniss and Gale's roots as Seam survivors and District 12 natives, as well as the way it describes the center of their relationship. The way they communicate so well, that words almost seem to get in the way for them sometimes. I chose this song also because it contrasts with Peeta's song. Heart's Content is upbeat in an almost garishly cute way, that perfectly encapsulates the highlights of Peeta and Katniss' public relationship. The adorable affection, the charade, the dark undertones. If you look closely, the words to the song tell of the trouble underneath the perfectly sculpted surface. Ps. I am not advocating for either Gale or Peeta with these songs. These songs were picked specifically by the Capitol with knowledge they extracted from Katniss during her torture. They are a perversion of the real story that happened, but it's such a masterful perversion. I hope you all will indulge all the lyrics and contemporary song references. I'm not Suzane Collins, so I can't just come with lyrics like The Hanging Tree right off the top of my head!)