Thank you all so much for reading this story. I love this one so much, and the fact that more than one person has told me they never want it to end touches my heart! I love you all, and I'm so glad I can share my EO brain with all of you loves! As always... comments and reivews are welcome and wanted!

Enjoy :)

Dick Wolf owns everything

Penance

She was angry. And even more than that, she was hurt. How could he say that? Clearly, he was upset about something enough to spit that comment out at her.

She was getting off the elevator and stopped. She really shouldn't be going out on the street this late dressed like this alone. She knew how to handle herself, but it just wasn't smart.

She paced back and forth for a few minutes in her lobby. Tears were still stinging her eyes. She stopped and sat down on the edge of the couch down there and brought her hands to her face. Ugh she thought… he could be so infuriating sometimes. She shoved her hands in her pockets and her right hand hit something. It felt like paper of some sort.

Curious she pulled it out and it was a strip of photos. It was of her and Elliot at Fin's wedding. How did these get in here she wondered?

Elliot.

He must have put them in there at some point. She looked at the photos and her heart melted.

Damn him… She thought.

She really did love him. It was so obvious now in these pictures. How carefree they had been. How easy it was… how playful they were. Even after all these years, even after his absence.

She touched their faces on the photo, getting lost in her head, and the dinging of the elevator startled her, and she dropped them.

They landed face down and she noticed there was writing on the back. After the couple getting off the elevator past her, she knelt down to pick the photo strip up and read what was scribbled in the chicken scratch she would recognize anywhere.

You are my light in all the darkness.

You always have been and always will be.

I love you Olivia

Semper Fi

El

She felt her tears slipping down her cheeks again, but this time because even though he could say the wrong thing… and has… more times than she could count… he always knew how to say the right thing... when she needed it the most.

Ok… ok ok… she thought. She had made a promise to him… her mind recalled laying in his bed after a night of heated passion talking about the first time they realized how they felt about each other. Elliot has said he wished they had more time… and then they made a promise.

She closed her eyes and the memory slipped in.

"Well let's make each other a promise…"

"Let's promise to never waste a second with each other. To always make time for us. To never take each other for granted… and to always be honest."

"That way we can enjoy every second we have left. No regrets… nothing left unspoken… Promise?"

She pictured his face and heard his soft loving voice respond in her mind.

"Promise."

When she opened her eyes, she knew what she had to do. She had also told him she was done running. And the second he hurt her she had run. Not like before but she had left with no word and no plan. She owed him more than that. Even if he was being an asshole. She made a promise.

EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO

Elliot's mind was racing.

"What did I do… what did I do…" he mumbled to himself. It was less of a question than it was a reminder that he may have just fucked up the best thing in his life.

He looked at the open bottle of whiskey in his hand… he really wanted another drink, but in all honestly what he really wanted… what he really wanted was Olivia in his arms… he wanted to apologize and beg for her to forgive his stupid remark… he wanted to spend all night making it up to her in only the way he could.

He looked at his watch. It had only been twenty minutes, but that was twenty minutes too long. He walked around her kitchen island and headed for the door. He opened it to find Olivia reaching for the handle.

She had been crying. He could see it in her eyes. His heart broke into a thousand pieces. He deserved that.

"Liv… I.." he started to say but the words in his head just disappeared looking at her.

She moved into him, wrapping her arms around him, pulling him close and she felt him just sink into her arms, his winding tighter around her. She felt the breath hitch in his chest and get stuck in his throat. The relief she felt having him in her arms again, feeling his heartbeat and his breath did something for her nervous system that nothing else ever had. It was instantaneous ease. She knew he felt the same when he crumpled into her arms.

"I'm so sorry Liv… I…" he stumbled as his own tears slipped out. He choked back a soft sob and she pulled back to look at him. His blue eyes were so filled with sorrow. She took a deep breath in and let it out slow.

She brought her hand to his face, and softly brushed it, and Elliot closed his eyes at her touch. She knew he was sorry. She could see it on his face and feel it with her heart. But she still wanted to talk about what had happened.

"I know El… but we need to talk about this." She said and let go of him and made her way into her apartment. Elliot quietly shut the door and followed her to the kitchen.

She took the bottle of whiskey and got two glasses. She poured some in both and handed one to Elliot. They both took a drink, and Elliot looked to Liv to set the tone for this conversation. He was more than willing and ready to hear and acknowledge whatever it was she wanted to say.

He would always harbor guilt for hurting her, every sharp word, every outburst or screaming match. Every one of them was another brick on his load to bear... and with the weight of his abrupt absence in her life he could have built the one six a thousand times over with the number of bricks from that pile. Maybe it was his Catholic upbringing, but then again, he didn't hold on to the guilt of other things.

So maybe some of it was in his DNA, but maybe it was also because she is his soulmate. And the crushing weight of hurting the one person who knows you and loves you unlike anyone else in this world could be why he would always hang on to it… to remind him. To remind him how lucky he was… to remind him the damage he was capable of doing to her… to them... and to remind him he had a choice in what he said and what he did.

Huang's voice echoed in his mind.

How? How did she make you do anything?

Olivia set her glass down and stared at it for a second. When she looked up at him, he swore her eyes darkened.

"Before I let you explain why you did and said what you did… I need you to hear me. I need you to listen and hear me El… ok?"

"OK." He said keeping his eyes locked on hers. Letting her know she had one hundred percent of his attention.

"First, I want to tell you I'm sorry…"

"Liv… I…" he said, but she cut him off.

"Elliot… please…" she said, and her eyes pleaded to just let her finish.

He nodded his apology. His heart was burning over the fact that she thought she needed to apologize to him for anything. But he agreed he would listen, and that's what he was going to do.

She took another breath and continued.

"I'm sorry for just walking out on you. Even though what you said… hurt me… a lot," and she looked down trying to keep her tears at bay, "I shouldn't have done that. I told you I was done running… and then… I ran. So, I'm sorry for that. It's important to me that I take responsibility for my part in this. I can promise you I won't run out on you again. I'm in this… El… I know you know, but… I want to say it out loud again… to remind you."

Elliot felt his heart burn for this woman and break at the same time. It was amazing how many feelings and emotions one person could make you feel. The complexity of their relationship was above and beyond anything he'd ever had with anyone. And for all its beautiful rarity and reverence, it had the same depth of devastation and destruction. The way they could hurt each other was astounding. It was their responsibility to keep that from happening.

And she was right of course.

It had crushed him she felt she had to leave… to run… in that moment. Even though it was because he just couldn't control himself. His anger… his jealousy. This could turn into a vicious circle if they let it and they would just end up destroying each other.

But this… what they were doing right now… this was progress. They were talking about what happened instead of just screaming and then not speaking for days. Now that they were together in this… they needed to communicate. In the past, time and work would ease the distance and before long they would slip back into how they always were… in sync.

But as partners, the job was all they had to promise to each other. It was all they could promise. He was married and she was single, and outside of having each other's backs, they owed each other nothing on a personal level. Of course, because it was them, there had been silent promises. Promises neither of them openly knew the other made.

But now… everything was wide open… everything was on the table. They had made promises to each other in bed… promises that meant more to him than any other he ever made.

Olivia waited for a response from him eyeing him carefully. She was ready for him to take the full brunt of the responsibility in this, and that's not what she wanted. Even though her actions were a direct result of his actions and words, she was still responsible for hers. If they were going to do this… really do this, with their futures becoming one, then she wanted it to really be a partnership. A true partnership with everything in between, and that meant they were equals. Equals in every way.

Equally responsible. Responsible for love and truth and honestly, and for owning this. Owning their relationship and everything that came with it. All the ups and downs… the darkness and the light.

"I know you are Liv… I know." He said with his full heart behind it. And he wanted to say more, but he knew she wasn't finished, but his answer seemed to give her some relief, for which he was grateful for.

She took another drink and looked at her glass for a second. She had been biting her lip, and when she closed her mouth, he saw her set her jaw. When she looked up at him, her eyes were dark and serious.

He braced himself for whatever it was she was going to say. He needed it. He knew exactly how he had hurt her, but he needed to hear it from her. He wanted to hear it from her.

"El… we made promises to each other… to not waste any more time… to be honest… to not leave things left unsaid anymore… and I want to keep those. All of those. And I intend to." She said swallowing and taking a beat before she continued.

"So now I need you to know… you don't ever get to judge my past relationships. You don't get that right to judge who I was with… or why…" she said searching his eyes to make sure he was hearing every word.

"Ever…" she said. "I know… I've made mistakes… picked the wrong men… and I know why now… because none of them were you, Elliot. But they were my mistakes to make. Mistakes that I truly believe led us to where we are now. And for you… I'm an open book. There is nothing I won't talk about with you… past, present, or future. I'll tell you anything you want to know. But you don't get to judge me… especially for a past… "and she took a small pause knowing this was going to be what really hurt him, but she needed to say it, "… a past you weren't there for…"

Elliot felt his heart break again. He could never make that up to her, and he knew it. He had already vowed to spend the rest of his life trying to. And here he was… judging her relationship with Cassidy because he couldn't get over his own hurt.

This time she let the tears fall. She hated bringing it up… his absence. She hated the way it made his face change, and the visible pain in his eyes. She also hated the way it made her feel. She didn't want to live back there… because he was here with her now, and she would never have to go back to longing for him, aching for him in the desolate loneliness of his absence. Even just a brushing memory of it hit hard and sharp, deep in her soul.

And the only remedy…. Elliot. Elliot's hands and heart, and lips and soul… and heat and love. They were each other's remedy for the hurt and pain this life had dealt out.

"I'm sorry Liv… you… you're right… You're right." He said nodding his head and fighting back tears.

"I had no right to say that to you. And I don't have the right ever… to make you feel like the choices you made were wrong. I'm so sorry Liv…" he said bringing his hand to his face. He brought his glass to his lips and finished the rest of it in one gulp.

"I just…" he took a deep breath in and blew it out hard.

"I just hate that I missed so much time with you… and Liv… I just was so worked up from Cassidy… it just slipped out… and I didn't mean it. Liv… you gotta know I didn't mean it."

Olivia moved from the other side of the counter closer to Elliot. She could tell he was close to breaking down again and her urge to relive him of his pain swept over her. She put her hands on his face and sought out his eyes.

"El… El… I know… I know." She said, turning her head to keep their connection when he shamefully dropped his chin. He let her pull his face up to meet hers, and that's when she saw there was something else. Something that was just ripping him up inside.

"Elliot…" she said, her eyes questioning. "What is it… tell me." She pleaded. She knew he was trying to tell her whatever it was that was eating him up, but it seemed to get stuck in his throat. She was starting to grow slightly worried at what it might be.

"Two days Liv… two days…" he said, and his face sunk into her hands, and he gripped her arms tightly as he leaned into her and fought his sobs. She moved her arms around him, holding him close to her as his moved around her waist and held on so tight to her she almost couldn't breathe.

She waited a moment or two, giving him time to breathe and come back down before she asked him the question in her head.

"El… what do you mean by two days?"

He answered her without breaking their connection.

"Cassidy didn't check on you for two days… if I had been there… " he huffed out.

And then it hit her like a freight train. There was more behind his behavior on the street than just jealousy. He was talking about Lewis, and how no one had called or checked on her in two days. If they had… maybe Lewis wouldn't have had her for so long. She closed her eyes hard and tried to breathe.

No one had her back like he did. Not even Fin, who had her back more than anyone currently in her unit. Elliot wouldn't have left her alone for two days. This thought had run through her mind more than she'd like to admit. No one could protect her like he did… no one. She felt the familiar sting of his guilt for not being there… when she needed him the most.

"Oh El…" she whispered. He moved to look at her, his hands moving up her back.

"I was furious thinking about how everyone just… left you alone… with that psycho on the loose. And Cassidy…" he said, and she could feel the acid in his voice when he said Brian's name.

"Cassidy should have gone and checked on you… I read the reports. He just called… that was it… and the fact that you didn't pick up for two days didn't seem to set a fucking fire alarm off in any of them!" he shouted. He was so angry at all of them… Fin, Munch… Rollins… even Cragen. And if he ever met Amaro… his thoughts trailed off and he tried like hell to stop the anger that was bubbling up his throat. He took a breath and continued.

"And then seeing him on the street tonight… I wasn't prepared for the anger I felt towards him… and then he said those things about you… implying that he had any idea what you and I. have… that you were… my second choice… I just snapped. I'm sorry Liv." He said.

Her heart was breaking right along with his. She should have known that this was an underlying reason why he reacted the way he did with Cassidy. It was a lot to deal with. She knew better than anyone. She had spent so much time being the only one dealing with what happened to her, and not talking about it with everyone that she forgot what it was like to have someone else care. To have someone else be as… affected by what happened to her but in a completely different way. To feel… responsible, which she knew he did. It was shattering to think he felt responsible for what happened to her because he wasn't there. She should have known… the way he felt so deeply and passionately about things, of course his resilience to self-blame would be non-existent when it came to her.

"If you had… had…" he tried, but he just couldn't say the words. "I wouldn't… I couldn't… Liv… I can't live in a world where you aren't." he rasped.

They had gotten down to the root of the problem, and now all she wanted was him… over her, around her, inside her…. She desperately wanted to be his remedy for his breaking heart. To heal his pain and wash away his guilt.

"But I'm here El…" she said taking one of his arms and pulling it till she found his hand and placed it across her heart so he could feel it beat. Under her ribs, tucked away where it had always been, beating for him.

"I'm here… do you feel that… my beating heart…" she whispered.

The thundering of her heart beating under his palm was all he needed. As long as she was still here, her heart still beating he could survive anything.

It was a split second before his lips crashed to hers. It had been far too long since he had kissed her, and he wanted to start his penance for his sins.

His hands tore her jacket off and then moved down the outside of her thighs to bunch up her skirt. His fingers moved under it and sought out her thong pulling it down fast so she could shimmy and step out of it all while his lips never left hers, nipping… sucking… claiming.

He took her mouth hard and fast, tasting the hint of whiskey mixed between them. He was being demanding, but he needed this… he needed her now and he knew if she had any objection to this, she would let him know.

But the way her tongue slid over his bottom lip and sought his out, and the way her hands gripped his neck, keeping him cemented to her, and the way her hips followed his, not wanting to lose contact, told him she didn't object.

Her body was shaking. It was like every place he touched was being shocked with electricity. Her absolute desire for him was overwhelming her and she just didn't have time to really sink into him. She needed him now. She needed him buried deep… she needed to feel every inch of him moving inside her, his breath and lips and tongue scorching her, his hands roaming over her, owning every expanse of skin on her body.

His hands slid over her bare ass and hugged her to him, she could feel his erection, hot and hard… ready for her. She tried to get her hands down to the button on his jeans, but he was making it difficult. There was so much of him… surrounding her, which is what she wanted, but his arms were so strong and had such an iron grip around her she couldn't get her hands where she wanted them.

She growled her frustration in her throat as Elliot bit her bottom lip, and instead of getting his attention, it only spurred him on more. He backed her up against her fridge, and when he thrust hard into her the sound that ripped her from his lips and fell out of her mouth was startling. She was already there, and their clothes were still between them.

"Elliot… please…" she begged.

That was all he needed to hear. The sound of absolute hunger mixed with utter demand in her voice sent her message loud and clear. He pulled her back from the fridge and out of the kitchen pushing her backwards towards the couch. His head dipped under her chin, and he kissed and sucked his way up under her ear as he moved them. She clung to him, with total trust that he wouldn't let them fall.

When her legs hit the arm of the couch, she grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled it up, making him break the connection of his lips on her. He was about to protest, but the second she tossed her shirt, her hands went to the back of her bra and she removed it even quicker than her shirt.

He sucked in a big breath as his eyes roamed over her beautiful breasts. In that moment he decided he needed skin to skin contact with her and pulled his shirt off as well. Her hands went to his pants and unzipped them, her hand seeking him out and stroking the full length of him as she freed him.

"Jesus fucking Christ…" he gasped out, his eyes closing as his head fell back. He was instantly high. This must be what it's like to shoot heroin directly into your veins he thought. Except he had the most priceless drug in the entire universe. The bewitching appeal of heroin had nothing on the seductive fog that surrounded his mind and was coursing through his veins. It was hot and thick and held everything good in this world within it and this fogs name was Olivia.

He felt her thumb slide over the tip of him, and his hips bucked at the slight pressure, and it made his eye shoot open and his head snapped back to her.

"Now… I need you now…" Olivia said her breath heavy. She turned in his arms and he went for the zipper on her skirt.

"Leave it…" she said, and bent over the arm of the couch, bracing herself. She knew the second he looked down and saw how ready she was for him, dripping and aching for him, nothing was going to stop him from slamming himself deep into her.

And she couldn't have been more right. The instant she leaned over the couch, she spread her legs apart for him and he wasted no time gripping her hips and thrusting himself hard and rough into her.

The sound the two of them made in unison echoed through her apartment. The feeling of him finally filling her and being connected into one would never stop being overwhelming and wonderful and just… everything… ever.

Olivia Olivia Olivia…

Her name was the only thing in his mind. All he could feel was her. The wet tight heat of her love surrounding him was better than anything else on the planet. The power she held over him was astounding.

The view she was giving him was flawless. Her ass in the air, her leather skirt up over her hips, her boots still on and nothing else. She was panting and shaking, and he knew the feeling was just as tremendous for her as it was for him.

Every time he thought he knew the height of what it was to be with her, she astounded him with her capability to love him… to be and give him everything he needed… even things he didn't know he needed. It just… floored him.

He slid his right hand up her spine to her right shoulder, and she turned her head to kiss his fingers, moaning as she wrapped her lips around one and sucked on it, almost turning his legs to jelly. He hadn't moved since he slammed himself into her, the feeling of it was still reverberating between them. He needed to move.

Then Olivia, as if she was reading his mind, pushed her ass back into him causing his dick to push a little further into her before she pulled back and he slipped out slightly. Olivia arched her back and moaned and Elliot moved his other hand to her left shoulder and gripped both her shoulders tight with his hands close to her neck and began his unrestrained assault on her.

His second thrust hit almost as hard as the first time and the feeling of being completely filled by him again took her breath away. He then began to set the perfect pace, the one he knew would have her coming in just a few more minutes. He wanted to send her jumping off that cliff in a free fall so he could then wrap her up in his arms, her clinging to him, trusting him to take her wherever he wanted and love her for hours. Love her the way she deserved to be loved and worshiped.

Then he felt it.

The most exquisite feeling in the world. The love of his life coming hard, shaking and clamping down on him, holding him tight inside her as she split apart underneath him. She was moaning and crying out his name and Gods. He felt her body go lax, but he knew she was still sensitive to movement. It had taken all of his strength to not come with her, but he was getting better at it… holding on strong so he could please her over and over again.

He knew he wasn't eighteen anymore and even though just the thought of her could get him hard in an instant, there was just something incredibly special about spilling himself inside her the first time during their love making. He liked to hold on to that, make it last as long as possible. And he deserved a medal for his control because Olivia could send him with just a look if she wanted to.

He carefully pulled out of her, and smoothed his hands over her back, rubbing her neck and shoulders where he had gripped her hard. He bent over her, careful to only slide himself over her ass as he threaded his arms around her waist to pull her up off the couch. Her breath was still a little heavy, and her eyes were shut as she blindly let him articulate her lenient body as he wished.

Her head fell back against his shoulder as he stood her up, and he smoothed his hands over her stomach, and up between her breasts as his lips softly kissed the muscle connecting her neck to her shoulder.

"Hmmmmm…." She breathed out, still lost in the blissful haze of her first orgasm. He smiled as he kissed her skin, and slowly moved his hand down her abdomen, searching for the key to bringing her back to life.

His middle finger found her center, circling it with just the right amount of pressure and her body immediately responded like he had shot adrenaline directly into her heart. She clenched her thighs together, the sensation overwhelming her.

"OOhhh fuck! Elliot!" she yelled, and her hand came down over his wrist and she tried to pull his hand away before she lost it again. He eased up on the pressure and laughed a quiet dark little laugh in her ear before he pulled her earlobe in his mouth and lazily sucked.

She'd be mad at him for that if she wasn't glued to his body, melting into him and trusting he wouldn't let her fall. She sank back into him a little, and felt he was still hard against her, and she pushed her ass into him, and she felt him flex his muscles around her. It wasn't fair he seemed to be controlled and she had come unglued. Time to even the stakes.

She arched her back and pushed harder into him, letting go of his wrist so she could smooth her hands over her breasts and play with herself, knowing he had the perfect view. She felt his lips break from her ear and his chin fell to her shoulder as he breathed out heavy watching her.

She moaned a high-pitched moan, one that she knew hit him square in his groin as she pulled on her nipples a little, and she heard him growl behind her before he turned her to face him, and he quickly picked her up from behind her thighs and carried her to her bedroom.

She curled the corner of her lip up into a smile, knowing what she had done, and he stared intently into her eyes as he made his way in the dark to take her to bed. His lips landed on hers as he flung them onto the mattress.

He ended their kiss only to stand back up to take off his pants, socks and shoes. He delicately pulled her boots off her, watching as more of her skin came into view, and he loved every inch. She tugged on the zipper of her skirt, and he finished taking it off her.

Finally, they were completely naked together, nothing between them.

He moved back between her legs and kissed her gently smoothing his lips over hers. She broke their kiss, placing her hands on the sides of his face and just… looked at him. She searched his eyes, finding everything she needed. Everything she ever wanted was in this man and sometimes she just needed a moment. Needed a moment to remind him and show him without words there was no one else who ever had her heart… who ever had her soul… who ever had her the way he did.

She saw the flicker of his undying love for her in his eyes. The love that space and time couldn't tarnish. The love that life and others had tried to destroy but weathered on. The love that had known the deepest depths of despair and rage and come out the other side, still unbroken, still whole… and even more determined.

Without breaking the bond of the connection their eyes were holding in each other, Elliot placed himself at her entrance, and eased himself slowly into her. The moment of physical connection combined with the intertwining connection of looking deep into each other was the purest form of their love. Nothing shook either of them more than this moment.

Elliot slowly made love to Olivia, keeping every connection, eyes open, hands and arms linked and wound tight, clinging to every single second of the moments of them together. They both worshiped each other… loved each other… slowly edging themselves over the waterfall together and diving in with total abandonment into the deep blue ocean that was their eternal and enduring love.