Author's note Do not read this chapter if you are triggered by violence, sexual abuse or abuse of any kind.
Author's note Do not read this chapter if you are triggered by violence, sexual abuse or abuse of any kind.
As Olivia looked into Rafael Barba's green eyes, she knew she couldn't hide from him forever. She needed to tell him what happened to her, but he wanted to know everything. I can't tell him everything, I'll lose him. She thought to herself. 10 minutes had passed since Rafael asked her to open up. He had not moved a muscle or spoken one word in that time. No one had ever had that amount of patience with her. "Rafa, you're my best friend. I don't want to be responsible for putting disturbing images in your head, images that are hard to escape." She whispered.
"I'm a big boy Liv, I can handle it. I'm a sex crimes DA."
"You weren't friends with the victims in your cases." Olivia replied.
"I can handle it. Trust me please."
"Where's your mother?"
"She's on a date... with a... guy named Felipe." He answered slowly."I gave her the tickets to Tales of Jerome Avenue."
"I bought them for you. I wanted you to see it." Olivia said, her voice soft, and full of both guilt, and disappointment. "You could have gone. I don't need a babysitter."
"I don't care about the show, I care about you!" He yelled. Olivia flinched, and moved away from him a little. "Liv, Liv, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have yelled. I just... I want to help you. I need to help you,"
Olivia slowly moved closer to him. "I know,"She whispered.
"I promise we'll see the show together. I can get tickets. I have theatre connections.", Rafael paused for a moment before speaking again. "Liv everyday you help victims become survivors, you help them thrive. Do the same for yourself."
Olivia took a deep breath.. She couldn't take the pain in Rafael's eyes anymore. She took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, and began to speak. "I wish that I could tell you that I didn't know how I got here, but I do. After a few dates I thought that Dr. Taylor was normal.."
"Normal, you date a man just because he's normal." Rafael said, louder than he wanted to.
"Normal is good, Normal is nice, Normal is the opposite of a criminal."
"Nobody should date a psychopath, but you can't date someone just because they're normal. You should be with someone you have chemistry with, someone who shares some of your interests, someone you care about. I never understood why you gave this doctor a chance, and who said he was normal? When you first met him you said he was desperate. You're a detective, you have great instincts. Don't you trust them?"
"You're right, It's my fault. I know better."
"Nothing that happened to you in that apartment is your fault, I didn't say that." Rafael sighed before speaking again. "I'm going to shut my mouth until you finish telling me what you need to." He watched Olivia slowly nodded in agreement.
"Dr. Taylor's parents are alive, and together. They've been together for 53 years. He wanted me to meet them." She said softly. "One day he came to the squad room unannounced carrying a garment bag. I was taking a disclosure.. Fin stopped him from interrupting. As I was walking out to take the victim to the hospital for a rape kit, I told him, I was working. When I came back he was still there. Fin was talking to him, and suggesting that he leave. I walked up to them, and then I escorted Dr. Taylor into my office. I told him not to come to my work. He was so upset. He reminded me that I agreed to go to a hospital benefit with him scheduled for that night, I forgot, I apologized,and told him to wait outside of my office. He dropped the garment bag and left. 10 minutes later I came out into the squad room wearing the dress he bought over.
When we got to the benefit at the Hilton, he showed me off for a while, and then he pulled me aside. He told me about his friends in Boston who have a timeshare 3 miles from work, and 5 miles from their house. They decided to buy it, so that they could get to work easily. and still feel like they were on vacation. Dr. Taylor said that the thought of the timeshare gave him an idea, He said that the night before he made a reservation for that hotel starting that night, and ending in 2 weeks. He said "I need a vacation, and this is as close to one I will have for a long time. Stay with me Olivia." I told him, I had to spend my nights at home with Noah. Then, he said I want you Olivia. Let me be with you. You don't have to be alone Olivia.. You have intimacy issues, you have to let them go.". Olivia paused for a long moment. "I repeated that I had to be with Noah, and the subject was dropped. We danced for an hour, he held me too tight, and I told him that. I went home in a cab.
2 weeks later, he apologized for making me uncomfortable, and he invited me to dinner at his apartment. When I got there, he asked me to dance, he saw my scars, the ones from Lewis on my wrists. He recommended plastic surgery. I left. I was done with him. After I spoke to Mrs. Glen at her house, Dr. Taylor called me on my cell. He told me he was one of the good guys. I hung up on him, and it started to rain, to pour. That was the day you and I had another meeting with Nicole Price, the day I came into your office soaked.. I found out later that after Dr. Taylor met me he googled me. Rafa, you think I can make some tea.?"
"You can have whatever you want." Rafael said softly. I'll make it." For the first time since this long conversation began, Rafael rose from the bed, and walked out to make tea.
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"Tea is a good idea." Rafael said, walking back into Olivia's bedroom 20 minutes later carrying a small red folding table with 2 legs. He unfolded it, and placed it in front of Olivia. "I'll be right back." He said, leaving the room quickly. He returned seconds later with 2 steaming mugs of tea. He carefully put the cups on the table. He sat down next to her on the bed. He moved the table a little closer to himself, Olivia and Rafael were now sharing the table. Olivia blew on the tea, and slowly sipped. "We have plenty of tea left, and I can make more if you need or want it." Rafael said, softly.
Olivia put down her mug. "Thank-you." She whispered. "Rafa, I don't want you to think less of me."
"Liv, that could never happen." Rafael answered.
"That day, I came home from work early. I was so sick, all I wanted was to lay down. I was talking on the phone with Lucy. I always tell women to pay attention to their surroundings. I tell them not to be on the phone in parking lots or on the way to and from locations, and I was on the phone. I was on the phone, I opened my apartment door. I felt hands on my back, I screamed as these hands pushed me inside. It happened so fast. I landed on my face, and stomach, hard, I heard my door being slammed shut and locked. "I'm not here to hurt you Olivia, I'm here to talk to you, to help you. You have been impossible to get a hold of." "It was Dr. Taylor's voice. He saw me getting up, and he hit me on my back with a belt. I yelped, and he said I'm sorry Olivia, I don't want to hurt you, I will never hurt you again. You need to hear me out, and before you say no, you must know I know where Noah is. I know where Lucy is." He gave me permission to stand, he took my gun, and phone He put them on the coffee table. He carried me to the sofa. He said "Olivia I'm going to help you with your intimacy issues. I went to a medical conference on how to deal with PT SD. I know you've been through a great deal. After I met you in my office I looked you up. I know everything about you Olivia. In order to deal with your trauma you must relive it. When you do 2 things will happen. You will be better, and I will be the closest person to you/."
"I told him we could work this out." Olivia continued." He said that there was nothing to work out, that he was going to be with me. He walked to the door, and opened i t .I managed to get off the sofa. He was out in the hall for a second. He walked back in, and told me to sit down. I asked why he came into my apartment this way". He said, " I love you Olivia, and you won't talk to me any other way. '' I will be with you, I will take care of you."
"I was terrified of Rafa. What I didn't say was, when Dr. Taylor came in from the hall he had his medical bag. I was afraid of what he might have in there. He insisted on examining me, he told me I had the flu." Olivia took a small sip of now cold tea, and continued speaking. "Dr. Taylor walked into my kitchen, I turned to watch him, he got a glass of water and walked back to me. He made me take a Benadryl. I told him I would never drive him to my son, and he said the scariest thing I had ever heard. He said that he knew Noah was at the ice cream place 5 blocks away, because he had Noah being watched at that moment. He wouldn't tell me ran back into the kitchen. He opened my cabinets. He grunted and screamed when he found the 2 scotch bottles I brought for you. He ran out of the kitchen, carrying the bottles. He put them on the coffee table next to my gun, and demanded to know who the bottles belonged to. When I told him they were mine, he got angrier , he said I never drank in front of him, and if they were mine I should drink them now. He eyed my gun, I was afraid he would pick it up. and use it. I said I wouldn't drink it. He stopped looking at the gun and looked back at me. He asked who I brought it for and I was silent. He told me he read that Lewis kept me drunk, and I had to relive that moment to get over it.
He moved closer to me, and put the bottle to my lips. I drank as little as I could. He took the bottle from me, and smashed it, he picked up the other bottle, and threw it. He reminded me of my mother when she was drunk. He said he was sorry, and he moved around my apartment cleaning everything but the glass.I was so tired. I closed my eyes, and at some point , he was on top of me, kissing me. I told him I loved him, and I kissed him back. His phone rang, he told the person on the other line to leave the ice cream place without the young woman. and the boy. He told the person that scaring me worked. He hung up, and was back on the sofa. He said "Noah will be home soon." I begged him to let me use my phone, when he finally agreed. I texted Lucy to go to the movies. I didn't want your name in the text."
I told him I was feeling a little bit better, and I needed to eat. I told him we should go out. He agreed, and walked with me to the door, I kissed him, I had his back to the door. I quietly unlocked the door. I kicked him in his groin, opened the door, and pushed him out., and dead bolted the door. I wanted to call the squad, but before I could, I passed out."
Olivia finished her truthful story. She hadn't shed a tear, she thought her voice sounded almost robotic. She took a sip of tea. She looked into Rafael's piercing green eyes, and she saw tears in them.