A/N: As always, thank you for your patience and your continued support.

Over the course of the past few weeks, the only constant for Jake was pressure. Incredibly common after any form of brain surgery, but even more common with tumors located just off of the spine and brain stem. One of the major functions of the spine involves the connection of the nervous system to the remainder of the body. It allows pain receptors to flow from point of impact up to the brain, causing us to react, and then sends those receptors back again to start the clotting and healing process. But imagine if all of that work were taking place within just a few inches of each other. Imagine that instead of that pain and pressure delay that naturally occurs due to the distance, it was constant. Inescapable.

Medication helped, but it didn't prevent Jacob from not understanding, from attempting to find a way to course correct. He quickly found that crying increased the pressure behind his eyes and therefore, the pressure on his incisions in general. After crying, he tried hitting the sides of his hospital bed in frustration. But the nerve endings in his hands caused that to quickly stop as well from the vibrations that found their way to his brain stem quite easily. There was no reprieve for him, and he let us know it as often as he could.

"I thought this time would be better, Emmy." Alison mentioned concertedly over our second weekend post-surgery as Jacob faded into his second nap of the day following quite the bout of complaining and whining.

I exhaled into her touch as she curled her body into my lap in the chair we found solace in. The far side of the room our paradise in this hellscape. "He understands more now. He knows he can't cry it away. He's just frustrated, love."

"And you're positive it's not swelling?"

Nodding in return, I attempted to comfort her with the single trace of my thumb along her waistline, tucking her legs further into me as we whispered, "Yeah, baby. I check at the beginning of the day, during lunch, and at the start and ends of my shift. None of it is out of the ordinary. A part of his brain is just hyper-healing following major surgery."

"I had forgotten this part. You know? Like this part is worse because he wasn't in this much pain pre-surgery."

"Soon, he won't be in any pain from this. It'll just take time."

We sat silently, lulling Alison into a nap against my chest. It's the only time she had been sleeping as home was too far away for her to sleep peacefully even with me by her side. So she usually slept during my hospital shift, tucked into me as tightly as she could while still being close to him. The understanding that Jacob was potentially the safest he could be all day with me immediately in the room with him.

"E?" I heard Jacob's voice rasp from across the room some time later. My eyes had found peace while closed and sitting up from my spot, I saw Jacob staring at me.

Taking one deep inhale, I tightened my grasp on Alison before standing up with her still in my arms. "Don't wake up, Ali. J asked for me." I whispered, laying her on the love seat prior to enveloping her in a nearby blanket. "I'll be right back, love."

Earlier that Saturday, Jacob had been fully removed from a majority of his machines as he had been deemed eligible to go home 11 days post-operation. He remained attached to a heart monitor and an interchangeable, self-administered pick of morphine directly in a line up his back. "You okay, buddy?" I asked lightly, placing my hand gently on the top of his head to kiss his temple.

"Can we do what we did earwyier? Iss not working." He lifted the morphine button and pressed it repeatedly without a sound coming from the machine.

"You can only click the button a few times every four hours, J. It doesn't give you unlimited medication." His eyes fell to the bed, obviously in discomfort. "But of course we can. I'll let the nurse know that I'm going to take the heart monitor off your finger. I'll be right back to tie up your gown."

Walking back into the room moments later, Jacob had his open-backed gown and body facing the door, his legs dangling off the other side of the bed. Crossing the backs of his gown over each other and tying them near his hip, I then reached to the bed side table to grab an additional string to tie the back a little tighter around his waist as he was still uncomfortable with me holding him with only a gown on.

"You expwain again too, Emlee?"

"Yep. I'll tell you everything." I smiled while walking around the side of the bed, slowly removing the heart monitor on his pointer finger as we had given him strict instructions to not remove it himself. I then double checked the location of his morphine pick to ensure not touching it before nodding for Jacob to extend out his arms. Cupping just underneath his knees and across the middle of his back, I waited until he was comfortable with his position against my side before settling my hand underneath his butt. "You good?"

"Yes, thank you." He replied, lethargically. His medication hit him harder than he was able to realize, only noticing the things it didn't fully fix instead of noticing the things it altered. It was to be expected and gave me spaces to fill in. "Miwwor?"

I silently reached to the side table next to Alison to find the small hand held mirror I had borrowed from a work room on the other side of the hospital for exactly this event. "Okay, J, bathroom time!" Jacob curled into my neck as we made the small trek across the room to the bathroom, his arm tightening around the back of my neck so that he jostled less against my stride.

When we reached our spot, I re-adjusted him against the side of my body to get him level with the sink mirror behind him, holding him tightly at the waist so that he could lean back level with my torso. He extended the hand-held mirror up to be able to see the reflection in the bathroom mirror as I started talking again. "The scar on the back of your head is 3 inches by 1 ½ inches so that doctors didn't have to interact with your brain stem. When I went into the room the day of, you were lying on your stomach while –"

As I spoke, I accentuated lengths of scars and important points with my left hand against his spine. This allowed him to both see the improvements of his still-healing wound while allowing me to explain what Alison and I had agreed was appropriate for him to hear. But even though this could easily be done at his bedside, this method was two-fold. Because with each accentuation and each reiteration and question, I pressed against specific pressure points in his back. With every touch, I hoped to be distracting him from the potential pain coming from his scalp and instead turned those receptors elsewhere. Silently praying that with Jacob being distracted, he would believe the pain simply dissipated during the course of the educational pause in his day. We stood there until my right arm grew tired at holding him up at an angle which allowed him to see comfortably, already waiting for the day we were back home, and I could simply rest him on the counter.

" – give your brain a few more weeks to heal on its own, then we can start chemotherapy to make sure everything is gone."

"That's a big drug?"

"Kind of, Bug. It won't make you stop hurting. In fact, at first, it may make you hurt worse. But it's going to get everything the surgery couldn't."

"I won't be here dough, right?"

I nodded, pressing just above his kidneys as we talked, watching his facial expressions ebb and flow through our mirror system, "You'll come to a section of the children's cancer area where other children between the ages of 2 and 18 are also getting treatments. It should only be once or twice a week, followed by a week of immunotherapy which will help you feel better. But that will happen for a few months to see how many of your cancer cells we can get rid of."

"Den I'm done?"

"I hope so, J. The fact that you had such a long remission without chemotherapy last time makes me hopeful."

Jacob pulled his mirror down to indicate he was done before resituating himself on my hip to bring him back to the bed, "Okay. I be hopeful too." He paused, lifting his nose to smell the air, "Dinner is soon. You want to sit wif me anight so Mommy sleeps?"

"Sure, whatever you want. I'll scoot in and cover us up with the blanket. Let me just –" I muttered, untying the secondary string and the back of his gown for him to be more comfortable lying down in the hospital bed before picking up the heart monitor and placing it back on his pointer finger.

He quickly tucked himself into my side as I switched the television from the news over to Nickelodeon to yet another episode of SpongeBob. It always surprised me how much he mimicked his mother's movements without realizing it. The way he curled his toes under the widest part of my calf to stay warm to the way he would tap just beneath my chest to get my attention when something funny came on screen. Their alikeness would forever amuse me. During commercials, Jacob began asking questions as he always did.

"Kestion time! Did Mommy pick you acause you know cancer?"

I laughed at his innocence, "We maybe need to choose a better word than pick for that sentence, but actually, the fact that I worked in the cancer field made your Mom scared to date me at first."

"You not hewe to hep me?"

"Well, yes, I am here to help you now. But I knew your Mom for a few weeks before I even knew you existed or met you."

He gasped against my face, "She no tell you?"

I wrapped my arm around him more tightly, "Not at first for your safety. Sometimes people getting into relationships don't always want children. And not everyone is lucky enough to receive a gift as special as you when they start dating someone. She told me as soon as she felt you were safe with me, and I asked to meet you a few weeks after that."

"Ice cweam?"

"Yeah, Bug, for ice cream. What do you remember about that day?"

"Not a wot. I got ice cweam on you doing maf, and Mommy was weiwd."

From behind the semi-closed curtain, I heard a small guffaw, letting me know Alison had awoken amidst our conversation, "Weird? How was she weird?"

"She ask if I was okay, but den only looked at you when I answer. She weally liked looking at you."

Laughing so hard that I caught air in my throat, I attempted to get it together for the sake of the conversation, "Does she still do that, J?"

"Sometimes." He giggled, "When she comes up to kiss you and gwoss stuff like dat. Dat's it."

"Oh, that's good. I doubt you'd like it if it was still all the time."

"Yeah, Daddy said dat Mommy was just in love..." He shrugged, looking back up to the television.

I placed my tongue in the corner of my cheek before responding, "That was really kind of your Daddy to say. Was that okay with you? That your mom loved me?"

He nodded, "Only acause you love her too."

"Well, you're absolutely right about that, but how did you know?" I kissed his forehead, probing for a reply.

"You telled me when I ask." Jacob replied, plainly, "And you hep Mommy answer cancer kestions. And she not vewy good wif dem afore she met you, but you hepped her. Not even Gammy or Gampy talk to me about cancer. But you do and when Mommy cwied, you still told me. You love me like Mommy does. So, you love Mommy. Wight?"

"You're completely right." I sighed, looking toward the blue curtain to see if Alison would make her grand debut.

But as I waited, Jacob kept talking, "And she happy always now. Afore, sometimes she was sad."

"Sad?"

"Mmm-hmm." He nodded, "She smile but not for long times. Only short times. Den, she not smile again. But now, she smiles lots. Mostly when the free of us are togever. She loves dat."

We were interrupted by the nurse coming in with his food for the night. As the plastic containers shuffled, and the nurse asked updated health questions to Jacob and me, Alison finally used the noise as an excuse to feign waking up. "Hi cuties." She smiled, pretending to stretch as she lovingly patted Jacob's leg before leaning into my right side.

"So grateful for you to join us." I smirked up at her, "Your secret's safe with me. Don't worry." She sealed her eavesdropping with a kiss as both of us turned toward Jacob to watch him immediately start dinner by eating his Jell-O.

Alternatively to Jake's on and off perky mood over the past few weeks, my mood felt like an eternal toss-up.

Sometimes it felt like drowning. And sometimes that felt like a comfort. A brief moment where life lapsed just enough between my imagination and reality that it felt like a relief. That calm continued to exist amongst the noise. That not everything in life was loud and deafening and crushing and numb. Sometimes there was peace.

I exhaled into the splash of water against my face, craving the light pain that came with the impact of the liquid in my palms hitting my cheeks. The faintest second that you were unable to breathe because of the illusion of submersion. Looking up into the mirror, I forced a small smile at my reflection. The way my ponytail pulled back the fine lines growing increasingly deeper in my smile and forehead due to age. The sleepiness in my eyes that actually looked kind of cute in this light. And her, slowly approaching behind me.

A short growl entered my left ear as Alison's hands snaked around my waist, "God, I love this dress on you, baby."

She saw me beautiful exactly as I was. In a cute dress and heels for work that hadn't yet extended up to my mascara or straightened hair. She saw me in a way that I saw myself when I was younger but had faded along with the impacts of growing up in an age of social media. Her lips found their way effortlessly up my neck as I felt her teeth against my pulse point in a tight grin.

"I wear this exact outfit at least once a month, Ali."

Her fingers clung to the fabric around my abs before kissing my jawline once more, "Can't I appreciate how sexy you are? Or how seeing your legs in this dress makes me so ready to take it off of you at some point today? I mean, can't I just feel incredibly blessed that my two favorite people are about to be under the same roof again?"

I chuckled while wrapping my arms around her side, "I knew this was about Jake." My hand delicately rested on her ass before she closed her hand around mine, moving it to her side so that she could lift herself up onto the countertop in front of me. Her smile made me smile bigger than any other time of day. She hooked her finger and thumb underneath my chin while pulling my lips into hers.

Fluttering eyes reached mine as we pulled away, "Speaking of you wearing this exact outfit, the last time you wore those heels, you hated yourself for it at the end of the day. You look stunning in them, but are you sure that you don't want to change? That new pair of flats, maybe?"

My mouth turned into a delicate 'shhh' while bringing the conversation back to our previous topic, "I knew today might bring back that smile. I've missed how often I used to see it."

"Happiness?" Her head cocked to the right before we kissed again.

"It's more than that." I tucked a curl behind her ear while attempting to kiss her natural blush off of her cheek through numerous pecks. "It's relief."

She exhaled the same way I did a minute earlier. Breathing new life into a feeling of suffocation and grief. We both had found our life preservers. Hers was Jacob. And mine was finding a way to save him. It had been just over two weeks since his surgery, and recovery had gone well thus far. Dr. King and his nurses had wanted to send him home half a week ago, but I had stalled to ensure approval for a home health nurse during the day to provide support. Alison tried to backpedal, to reassure me that they had done this before without a nurse. But I knew it would help. I knew that whatever the upfront costs to meet the deductible were, it would be worth it ten times over for Alison and Carter's mental health.

My mental health on the other hand was already fucked. Not at home. Not with Alison or Jacob. But I couldn't get my brain to stop. I thought the biopsy and blood samples and tissue would be enough to convince me that he was okay. But all it did was give me tangibles to obsess over. It wasn't just the potentially growing tumors or the supposed astrocytes that may do him in. Now, I had real things. Real data that I couldn't do anything with. Our program was longitudinal. His data had been entered. His basic profile secured. But it would take Claire and I finding ways to continue pulling samples in order to compare. To get an actual understanding of how Jacob's cancer was or was not progressing. Until then, all I could do is obsess.

2AC9.

It could cost me my job. It could cost me everything I had worked for. But in that splash of water each morning. In the reflection of that mirror was everything that it was worth. I would risk it all for the smile now back on her face. I would do anything for a chance at Jake being okay.

"Thank you for doing all you've done for us, Emmy." The fog I was stuck in made me confused as to what she was referring. My face must have said it all as Alison continued, "You know, letting us all stay here and convincing me to get the aide. Thank you." I nodded while she leaned forward to kiss my forehead. "I love you."

"First, don't worry about the shoes; they're worn in now. And second, I love you, too. So much so." I smiled with all my might. "I can't wait to love on you both now that you can't escape me."

"Who says I'd ever want to?"

Tucking my lips into her neck, I kissed her repeatedly, "Who says I'd ever let you?"

She squealed, pulling her hands up to my face, "Never."

A brief kiss on my nose sealed the deal before she scooted off the counter and back into the closet to get ready for the day. Never. It was a concept I was finally beginning to understand. The study of science rarely considered absolutes. Always and never weren't a part of the vernacular. We have laws: the law of relativity, the law of conservation of mass. But even those are approximate truths. Even though the scientific community is fairly certain of them, if a new scientist came along to disprove what we've believed to be true for decades, then those laws would be outdated theories all over again. There are no absolutes in any work I do.

But Alison would never be work. She would never waste my time or my energy. She would always be a grounding force. Always. We were absolute. And for that exact reason, Alison would never know. Alison could never know.

Never.

Though it had taken a few mishaps and trials, just as Jacob was getting out of the hospital, I had my phone set-up perfectly organized. Due to the materials we were working with daily, cellphones had long been prohibited as any germ contamination could drastically impact the DNA sequencing of cancer cells. But going hours without having emergency updates regarding Jake's progress was also out of the question.

The first day, I had started by simply placing my phone in a plastic bag and then taping that bag to the window in front of my station. But that didn't hold up as well as I wanted it to, and my phone ran out of battery insanely too quickly due to needing the screen permanently unlocked. What followed was a series of pure trial by errorq day after day until I finally found the perfect solution. Now sitting just in front of my station was my phone propped at a perfect diagonal on a wireless charging station that required Wi-Fi access to continuously work. Feet from that was the hotspot I purchased after the lab became aware that I was monopolizing potential Wi-Fi space charging a station that may or may not need to be of use day in and day out. Simple fix.

Beyond the set-up though, Alison and I also developed codes based on urgency. One text only set off a vibration barely noticeable through the speaker box set-up and was perfect for small progress updates or even her occasional sappy love note. Sending me an email from Alison's email address however set off a 'ding' specific to only her to specify a mildly urgent occasion. This had been used over the course of Jacob's time in the hospital when he was incredibly upset and refused to calm down without me being there, the time Alison had to use the restroom but no nurse was on duty to make sure he didn't try to remove his IV in his sleep, and though told otherwise, sometimes for more occasional sappy love notes. The most urgent of notifications came through a phone call wired to play ABBA's 'Dancing Queen' which at face value doesn't seem all that extreme. But after a while, the song is just screechy enough that anyone would begin to roll their eyes. After a few of those calls, Claire and I had become trained for her to immediately take over as I sprinted out of the room to wash up before grabbing my phone and running across the building to the Children's Center. Most urgent phone calls ended up not being particularly urgent as far as a doctor is concerned. But for Alison as a mother, I didn't ever berate an urgent call because it was urgent to Alison. That's all that mattered.

The day Jacob was getting out, she called a little bit before lunch, when I was meant to get off work. Looking up at Claire, she ushered me to leave, and I made my last trek along the extended corridor. A trip that usually took me less than five minutes took over ten though as I attempted to make my way across hospital in the damn 'worn-in' heels I opted to wear. Alison stared at me as I walked in with a forced smile before looking down at my feet and laughing.

"How's it going over there, Dr. Fields?" She asked with particular emphasis on Doctor while simultaneously opening her arm for me to lean into. "Hard day in the labs?"

"Mmm." I half-groaned and half-yelped through closed lips, not wanting to embolden her sarcasm. "Not too difficult. How – how's Jacob?"

Her hand scratched my back as she turned to face me, "The nurses are getting him dressed and deep cleaning his sutures for the next few days." Noticing my lack of eye contact despite me standing directly in front of her, Alison reached forward with her thumb to rub my cheek, "Step out of your shoes for me, baby." I shook my head, while still staring up at the ceiling. "You don't get anything in this world by remaining stubborn, Emily. Step out of the shoes." I rolled my eyes while smirking, knowing that if I followed her five words, the pounding in feet would cease. She chuckled once more as she raised up on her toes, kissing me gently, "Please, Emmy."

Her whispered request which immediately fell back into light laughter did me in as I finally looked down at her, "I fucked up."

"What was that?" Her eyes went wide as if in disbelief.

My eyes fell to the floor while stepping out of my shoes. But as my eyes hit the floor, they quickly came back up to meet Alison's because low and behold, Alison was wearing my new pair of flats. Without saying a word, she stepped out of her shoes and began turning my heels with her toes, instantly becoming 3 inches taller stepping into them.

I laughed with the last breath I figured I held within my body, taken aback by the simplicity of her tremendous thoughtfulness. And though I knew it before, though I had seen it time and time again, this is what being with Alison for the rest of my life would be like. This gesture contained more love than potentially all I ever received in seven years with Ashton. It was seeing potential difficulties in my day, warning me against it, allowing me to make the mistake, and being there to catch me should I fall.

Before I could even slide my feet in the flats Alison passed my way and exhale in relief, she had moved on, bringing her attention back toward Jacob who was being wheeled in from the back. I reached my left hand forward, silently wrapping my fingers around her wrist and then lacing my fingers in hers. She hadn't worn my flats for half of the day for recognition. She had done it so that we could be a unit. So that we could move forward without pause.

The rest of the day was spent getting Jacob home and ensuring all aspects of his set-up fit with his daily care. His home health nurse, Alicia, worked with Carter, Alison, and me to show us the basics during the 16 hours of the day she would not be around, while Jacob continuously followed up our concerns with the important questions.

"When can I walk to the potty alone? If I feel like playing with toys, can I? Do I still get Jell-O for lunch and dinner?"

The essentials.

After an exhausting day with everyone in the house, Carter and Alicia made their separate exits a little before dinner. Following our typical schedule, I stayed upstairs with Jake until he decided to take a nap before dinner. Climbing downstairs, it instantly put a smile on my face to see Alison working on the dishes in the sink. It always perplexed me the little things I saw her do that made me continue falling in love with her. Being in love with Alison was never stagnant. There were moments every single day that struck me. That stopped me in my tracks just for my head to tell my heart, 'There it is.'. It had happened earlier in the day with the exchanging of the shoes, and it was happening again now. Simply by being her.

She hummed pleasantly with her hair flipped over her right shoulder, dinner cooking behind her. I approached her quietly, placing my hands on the back of her hips before dragging both hands delicately down toward her inner thighs. My lips ghosted over her neck as she gasped, leaning her head back onto my shoulder.

"Emmy..." Alison whispered out as I moved one hand up to clutch the edges of her stomach while my other hand gripped her thigh.

"You know you don't have to keep cooking us dinner every night, baby. We're all home now."

Her hands met mine in their respective spots, faint drops of water falling from the tips of her fingers, "I got used to it though; I like cooking for you."

"I can step in again though." I continued to kiss her jawline while she leaned into my lips in comfort, "Or we can cook together? As long as you know I'm here to help..."

She spun around to face me, nodding, "I know, Em. Promise." Her smile radiated against my cheek as we stood holding each other.

"Still as happy as you were this morning, love?"

"Happier." Her hands cupped the back of my upper arms. "Jake was so happy to even be back in a real bed."

"He kept like snuggling into the sheets as he got ready for his nap upstairs. It was so adorable." Alison looked up at me with a twinkle in her eye, so steady in how she felt tonight. As if for the first time in weeks, she finally felt secure. "Did you still want to be with me while I prepare his incision for bed tonight? I did a quick wrap for his nap, but we'll have to do that probably twice a day when Alicia isn't here."

"I'd love that. Maybe you can watch me a few times, and I can teach Carter after Jake's party tomorrow or something?"

"Whatever you need." I kissed her temple, letting go of her waist which was met with a small whimper as I pulled away. Chuckling back into her side, I replied, "Love you too. Everything kind of came together so quickly that I never asked about how Carter felt about the back and forth with him going back to work."

She turned back to the dishes, before pointing behind me, "Can you stir that pasta sauce, Emmy? And I'm happy he was able to work out with them his original leaving date. I know he was anticipating having more time here after they switched from giving him two to then six weeks off. But when I saw him yesterday, he seemed relieved? I don't know if that's the right word, but he was happy Jake was well enough for him to go back earlier and not completely worry him. I got the idea that us getting Alicia sealed the deal though. I'll never be able to say thanks enough for arranging that. Neither of us even knew where to begin."

"Of course, Ali. It's only for a few weeks until he gets fully adjusted, and his scar heals up a bit more." I lifted the spoon to my lips trying her vodka sauce with a smile, "I know those phone calls were getting to Carter, so I'm sure it means a lot to be able to settle things in person."

"It's always something with the idiots he works with. Seriously. I'm sure part of him is happy that this side of things is taken care of, but he did mention getting Jake for a full day or two when he gets back."

"Mini-vacation?" I squealed from behind her.

"Possibly." Alison smiled, briefly. "Maybe not too far away in case something goes wrong, but Carter said he'd take the couch. Just wants to make sure he's pulling equal weight, you know? I told him that a Saturday night through Monday might work best because of your schedule."

"Thank you, baby. Yeah, it'll depend on workload. Dr. O doesn't get back for another month, but maybe Claire can help out that Monday or something."

"She helps you out a lot, doesn't she?"

My throat immediately went dry. To my best efforts, I tried to bring up Claire's name as little as possible. I figured the less airtime she had outside of work, the less likely it would be for Alison to start piecing together why Claire was even in the Children's Cancer Ward on the day of Jacob's surgery in the first place. Separate was better in every scenario when it came to what we were doing. But I couldn't hesitate because Alison noticed every small pause, every slight misstep due to wanting to be there during potential OCD episodes.

"Well, I think Claire just wants to someday be in a similar field. But her family is from California, so I'm pretty sure she'll need a recommendation letter in a few years to transfer back. That's probably her motivation." I swallowed thickly, "But yeah, she's the best doctoral student lead I could ask for."

"You should invite her for dinner sometime then, Em."

"What was that?" I busied my hands by helping her dry off the bowls we had used for cereal this morning.

She looked over her shoulder so that I could focus in on her lips as though she may not have been enunciating enough. But, I had definitely heard her. Quite clearly. "Invite Claire over. Is she dating anyone?"

"I mean, I'm not sure if – "

"If she is, extend the invite to them, too." She reached up into the cabinets for plates. "And what about Emmanuel and Dominique? I'm sure they could use a date night with a little one at home. What's his name again?"

"Emmanuel's son?" I asked with my voice beginning to dry out again, "Tres. Well, Emmanuel Onyeke III. Tres, for short. It's common in uh – "

Alison turned toward me hesitantly, "If it makes you nervous to combine work and home, we don't have to. I thought it might be a good way to thank them for the slack Claire picked up this past month along with all of the meals Dr. O sent our way the past few weeks. We can also always ask Dalton and his partner, maybe Jason and Aria? Make it a full dinner party so that the pressure isn't on work, but maybe just your friends in Baltimore?"

She walked toward me, running her fingers through the strands of my hair before draping the long locks over my shoulders. Her hands rubbed up and down my upper arms to try and relieve some tension. God, she was a dream. Believing my nervousness came from combining work and home. When in reality, I was terrified because work and home were so intertwined already.

I exhaled, continually trying to get it together, "I will ask. How about that? Thank you for the offer, Ali."

"I don't think I've ever seen you so flustered..." Alison shook out her shoulders, feeling just as strangely about how that portion of our conversation went as I did. "I can cook if that's where the tension is stemming from." She could see my face didn't relax. "We can talk about it later, baby. If people are interested when you ask, we'll talk about it then. Forget I asked, Emmy. You're okay."

"I've never been a boss before, that's all." I reassured her, reaching for her hand, "I was never invited to my co-workers houses in Austin, but I'm more than happy to ask them all if you ask Jace and Aria."

She squeezed my hand gently, "I'd love to get to know the people that help you be great. That's all."

"Come here." I whispered, pulling her softly into my chest, "Thank you for reading me so well. Please don't feel any discouragement in my hesitation. I just wasn't expecting it, and my brain spiraled momentarily." I kissed her forehead, feeling her hand relax against my torso, "You always know how to bring me off the ledge."

Her lips lingered against my collarbone, holding onto me. I wondered if in moments like this she second guessed ever using words like 'forever' and 'always' or expressing the desire to marry me. Have children with me. If her lingering touches and words were a way of trying to figure out how those glances could be her last. The longer I stayed in a committed relationship, the more I realized that was probably the downfall between Ash and me. At some point, my mental illness became too much, and instead of addressing it, Ash let it fester. She couldn't have me obsess over the details and the particular, so she removed herself from the big picture. Moments like these made me not blame Ash at all. She probably just did the best she could with the cards she was dealt. My obsession with obsession. My obsession with control would forever be my downfall. And in this very moment, I could foresee a scenario in which it became ours.

But there was no time to dwell, so I shoved that very thought away, knowing that I needed to progress into the next portion of the conversation smoothly in order for Alison to move forward as well. So, I switched back to the one topic she potentially loved even more than me, "How does it feel knowing that tomorrow morning you're going to have an eight-year old?"

"Shh..." Her lips kissed my collarbone once more before looking back up at me, "You know that's too damn old."

I giggled as our arms fell into their natural positions around each other. I had overreacted before. There was no lingering. It was in my head; it had to be. "Is it? Seems exactly correct to me. Do I need to pull out a calculator for you?"

"No, no. I just –" She sighed. "You'll know exactly what I mean once we have kids, but I remember him as an infant, Emmy. Not as an adult!"

"Okay, now you're exaggerating." I smiled into her cheek, kissing her lightly, "Eight is a full decade away from adulthood. We have time."

"But if this came so quickly, adulthood right around the corner." She closed her eyes before speaking again, "I can see it now. Forty-one." A rigor went down her spine as she collapsed her head against my shoulder. "Next up is gray hair and deep-set wrinkles."

My hands sank below her ass as I rocked us back and forth slowly, "You're so fucking over dramatic sometimes, Ali. And don't take my word for it, but I'm pretty damn sure that I'll find you just as sexy at every age." Her head tilted to the side while raising my eyebrow to accentuate the sarcasm, "In fact, as a kid, I kind of had a thing for the elderly witch in Snow White. Gray hair and all."

"Shut the fuck up." She hit my shoulder as I threw my head backward in cackling laughter.

"She had good bone structure! Also, not to put a damper into things, but depending on when we decide to start the whole process, you're going to be a Mom way past forty-one. I mean, you may not be a grandmother until you hit your sixties." Gasping for added effect, Alison pouted at the thought, "Awh, baby. Don't fear aging. It'll simply be the marking of us spending yet another year together."

Smirking at my commentary, she reached behind her to stir the sauce once more, "I do like the sound of that."

"And you'll have the added benefit of knowing I'm always eight months older than you. I'm the old lady out of the two of us." Alison pleasantly sighed into our kiss before I pulled away to return to the original conversation, "I think that this is the one thing we didn't think through before moving you all down here and making his surgery so early in the year. What's his eighth birthday going to be? A series of FaceTimes?"

Alison removed herself from our embrace, walking to the other side of the kitchen and placing her hands on top of the counter, "We have cake. We have ice cream. We have the LEGO set he wanted." She raised her hands exasperatedly, "Sometimes that's all we can do. I wish more was possible, but he can't even see people other than us and Alicia between now through chemo. We'll have to promise something post-chemo if he really is down about it tomorrow."

I nodded, while turning my head briefly, now able to hear the sound of Jacob's bell from upstairs, "Talk about it more tonight? Even though you don't want to mention the shoe exchange earlier, I'd still like to thank you for it. And lucky for you, I believe it's your night to vent, right?" My smirk extended past my dimples as I leaned forward on one foot to kiss her teasingly. "Still want me to grab him, love?"

"Yes to both of those, please. I'll start getting plates ready."

The worst aspect of this two-story home with an ailing kid were the stairs. Though we had attempted it repeatedly in the hospital the days before, Jacob struggled managing them. Not only were the reverberations of each step too much over and over again, but he struggled looking down at the exact angle of the stairs for any period of time. It was just going to take more recovery. And so, until then, Carter and I had agreed to carry him up and down the stairs as needed.

"Mommy, is dat you?" He called out hearing stomps on the staircase.

"No, baby. It's E. Is that okay? I can go get Mommy if –" I asked while rounding the corner into his room.

But he replied before I could fully step in, "Iss okay. I need to potty dough."

"Alright, sweetpea. We'll go downstairs, and Mommy will help." He nodded, lurching his body into mine immediately, his fingers clutching to my shoulder blades, while his feet attempted to cross at the ankles around my waist, "Oof." I exclaimed, trying to even out our body weight. "That might have been too quick, J."

"I'm swof!"

His squeal hit my eardrums at just the right decibel that I cringed into my shoulder. Getting used to a kid's candor and volume 24/7 would definitely be an adjustment as I slowly made our way down the stairs. And even though we were wobbling back and forth down them, his positioning stayed, making me wonder if he was moments from an accident.

"You're what now? Suave?" I asked, having no intelligibility of the word that had left his mouth despite usually being able to decipher just about anything behind his impairment.

"Swof! I'm like deir babies!"

I held onto him gingerly, rubbing up and down his spine before turning toward the kitchen, "J, say that for Mom one time. E's having a little bit of trouble."

"Look Mom! I'm swof!"

Alison and I turned toward each other wide-eyed. "He says he's like their babies when he attacked me upstairs to attach himself to me? Also, he needs the potty."

"I wed the book in my woom! The babies hang onto Mommy's tummy. A swof!"

At this point, Jacob was over-exaggerated and priceless, waving his arms and legs as I sat him down for him to run toward the half bath on the first floor. Alison bent over at the waist laughing so hard at his antics and my confusion while being clung to for dear life.

"Sloth, Emmy. He's talking about baby sloths." She pulled up a chair outside the restroom door to wait for him to call if he needed help, leaning into the wall to continue laughing.

"Mommy! I said that! The swofs! Look em up, E!"

Pulling out my phone, I was surprised to find a near exact duplicate of the events that had just unfolded as a baby cub hung to their mother swinging from tree to tree for dear life. I turned my phone to show Alison the visual aide, which sent her into another fit of laughter. "You're – you're absolutely right, Bug." She tried pulling herself together. "You were definitely giving baby sloth."

I slapped the invisible air around me as Alison and I silently cackled at Jacob's impersonation and attempted to recall while listening to him continue to talk inside the restroom, "The book say dat swofs move weally slow but not wif deir babies acause dey need a protec dem. But the swofs dig deir nails into mommies so dey don't fall. I twied to use my cwaws but my legs work better."

"Oh? Did they?" Alison asked, taking in his new encyclopedia of information. "I'm loving all of these details, but please remember to slow down your words. You sped up and all of your good r's and th's have really just gone out the window. Did you need help, Bug?"

"I okay, I fink. Iss easier at home then in the hopstittle acause the toilets there are so big!"

"You're right, sweetie. Hospitals have to make toilets bigger for all types of patients, so I'm sure this one is easier for your use." She replied before looking up at me and mouthing 'home' with excitement.

Maybe it was slip of the tongue, a brief error in the mind of a child. But I saw the light turn on in Alison's eyes. As if before that moment, she doubted her son's ability to transition. Over the past few weeks, I had attempted to tell her that Jacob would find home wherever he felt loved. That above all else, safety was paramount. All we could do was provide love; it was Jacob's choice to step into that or not. And as was apparent in this moment, his home existed right here, right now.

Alison slid into the restroom to help lift Jacob at the waist to wash off his hands. "How do you feel after your nap, Bug? I know you've gotten used to a few a day, so this messed with your schedule."

"Iss okay. I smelled bwead, so I waked up." He smiled, walking straight to the table and looking up at me resting against the counter, "Noodles and ice cweam?"

She laughed while shaking her head to start moving our plates over to the table as I filled in the conversation, "How's the wrap doing, J?" I walked toward him, allowing my hands to hover over his scalp to check each tuck and turn of the bandage around the back 75 percent of his head. "Is there any part where it's not perfect, or where I could do better?"

His lifted his left hand to tap close to his ear, "Just wight hewe. When I sleep on the side, it gets woose."

"Okay, let me check." I kneeled in closer before whispering, "Say loose one time for me, J. Luh. Luh. Loose."

"Oose."

Kissing the side of his head while working to tuck his bandage a little more, I repeated, "Take your time on the L. I know it's hard to go from an L to an O. Luh-ooo-suh." I scratched his back while pulling away, "How's that feel, cutie?"

"Better." He smiled up at me before slowly saying, "Luh-ooo-suh."

"Perfect, J. Question for you." I asked, sliding in to the seat next to him, "Would you rather help put away groceries before your party tomorrow with Mom or help me tonight with the dishes?"

"Umm..." His eyes narrowed as he paused, "What bout sweeping?"

Alison passed over each of our plates before turning back around to grab salad and bread for the table followed by her own plate as she sat across from Jake. "Sweeping probably wouldn't be very good for your head because of the angle. But once that symptom starts to fade, that can definitely be added to some of your options."

"Are bof easy?"

She chuckled, helping add salad to the side of Jacob's plate as I cut his noodles, "They're both extremely doable for you, babe. Remember, we're just trying to add some responsibilities back into your routine. I know the past few months haven't been as stable on that front."

He slowly stabbed the croutons off the top of his salad one by one as he continued to consider, "What's my jods again?"

Alison and I both remained patient, fully understanding that gaps in memory were easily a part of his healing process. I reached over holding up one finger at a time as I spoke, "Keep your room's floor clear. Keep your bathroom counter clear. One extra choice chore per day. Those three things."

And as Alison read online, she repeated after me, "Room clear. Counter clear. Extra chore."

"Woom cleaw. Counder cleaw. Extwa chore." We both nodded taking our first bites before he spoke again, "So my extwa chore is dishes or shopping?"

"Exactly right, Bug." Alison replied, "Because of your birthday tomorrow, no extra chore. It's whatever you want, and you can take your time. Don't stress about it."

"No, I hep Emlee." He finally answered assuredly, "I don't wanna wowk on my birfday."

"Makes sense to me! Can't wait for this to go super fast with two hands." I turned to Alison, kissing her on the cheek, "I promise to help tomorrow with groceries."

The rest of dinner passed by without mention as Alison and I went back over Jacob's birthday plans in detail. He sat with us taking in everything without much excitement crossing his face, as though he could already feel that this year would be different. After dinner, I pulled up a step stool for Jacob to stand on over the sink while rinsing food and grime off our plates and bowls after Alison shoveled extras into Tupperware. He passed plates to me over the dishwasher so he wouldn't be consistently bending over.

As we worked quietly, he finally muttered to his right, "Iss okay if Mommy can't do a wot. I know I sick."

"It's not that, sweetheart." I replied, placing my hand on his back. "Every parent just wants to give their kids the best. No matter how well you're feeling. Even if you woke up tomorrow and felt the worst you have since surgery, your mom, dad, and I would do all we could to make it great."

"I fink I just wanna pway Monoboly?"

I looked at him in wonder. The innocence and calm that seeped from him without trying. "Monopoly?"

He nodded, some water shrapnel from the spray nozzle deflected off the plate toward me. I ignored it with ease taking in his words, "Iss good dat no one else can be hewe. Iss been too busy."

Passing along the final bowl, I put in gently into the dishwasher before closing it for the night. "Okay." This was an opening; I could feel it. "Want to come sit on the couch with me, J? Let's finish our conversation."

Jacob pulled a pillow from the corner seat before dragging it into my lap. Settling on his left side, he tucked his legs into his chest as I rested my hand on his hip, gently pulling his shirt down.

"Tell me about busy, Bug."

"I haben't been just us. A wong time with wots of people."

I caught Alison's eye as she attempted to come down the stairs, towel draped over her head. Raising my hand briefly, she paused. I shook my head leading her to sit where she was and simply listen. "The hospital can be overwhelming, Jacob. I'm sure having doctors and nurses come in and out was hard for you.

He shook his head again, "No, afore that. Iss neber just us."

"The four of us, you mean?" He nodded into my hand as he wrapped my other arm around himself. "I understand. You want to spend time with all of us, not just your mom and I or your dad. You know, Bug, I appreciate you finding the courage to tell me this tonight. But you know you can talk to Mommy and Daddy about it too?"

"You no tell dem?"

My fingers scratched back and forth along his side as I sighed, looking up at Alison, "I can tell them if you want me to, but I think they would have the same reaction I'm having now."

"Dey be mad at me?"

"No, sweetheart. Never mad. Think about tonight when Mommy and I talked to you about chores. That wasn't a super fun conversation for me to start either because I wasn't sure how you'd react to me asking you to follow through on something. That's kind of a new role that I'm starting to play this week, and it made me nervous. But how did it make you feel?"

Jacob's chin nestled into my palm as he spoke, "I liked habing choice. Iss fine. Dis is your house."

"Thank you for being so good about it though. Because you're right, right now this is more of my house than yours or even your Mom's. But I hope that by you getting more and more ownership over things, that maybe you can see this a kind of your house too. But even as an adult, J, you're going to have conversations that maybe aren't the easiest to have, but people value honesty."

"So, I be honest wif dem."

"If you want. I think it would be the best choice, but I can always tell them instead." We sat in silence for a bit as he clutched onto my finger thinking it over. "Nothing has to be decided now, J."

He rotated in my lap to look up at me, "What about Monoboly?"

I laughed, wrapping him in a hug and signaling Alison to come downstairs, "Don't be silly! Monopoly can happen no matter what you decide. It's your birthday! If you need to talk more about it tomorrow, let me know. Otherwise, go run to the restroom real quick to get ready for ice cream!"

Jacob squealed around the corner toward the bathroom as Alison walked my direction, "Hi, baby."

"Hi." I smiled, leaning in to kiss her nose, "We get to play Monopoly tomorrow for J's birthday."

"So I heard..." She smirked, rocking into me so I barely dipped backward, "I've told you I love you today, right?"

"Maybe once or twice." I laughed into her kiss, wrapping my hands around her neck.

"I love you. I love you. I love you." She pecked against my neck, forcing me to run away off into the dining room just as Jacob was rounding the corner from the restroom.

He immediately started laughing and attempting to run at the sight of Alison chasing me through the first floor, "Don't worry, J. I got you!" I scooped him up swiftly as we continued to run. Alison catching up with us and wrapping me back around the waist.

"Ice cweam?" Jacob asked with a mischievous smile as Alison's eyes drifted over the two of us.

Her smile said it all. Through the content and peace exuded from its edges, a moment like this is what she had been waiting for. A home filled with laughter and love. And though things were far from perfect, we were well on our way.

One of the best things Alison and I had started doing since New Years' were daily vents. Every night, except for one night of our choosing each week, we switched back and forth on whose turn it was to voice any and all concerns. They rarely pertained to our relationship, but when they did, the other simply listened while completing the task of the venter's choosing. Typically, it either included or led to some form of foreplay, but one night Alison simply wanted to cuddle and another night I had asked her to fold a load of laundry as it is was forever my assigned task during the week. And sometimes, like the night after Jacob's first full day out of surgery, we both decided it was best to just fall asleep. No questions or concerns. It was a way for us to implicitly connect without the pressure or controlled setting of a confrontation or counseling, for example. Though we had discussed it, counseling wasn't out of the question for either of us. This was definitely preferred though.

Alison walked into the bedroom after tucking Jacob into bed a little after 9:30. Blatantly ignoring the fact that I was reading with a small light on my side of the bed, she closed the door behind her before crossing over to my bedside. I briefly looked up over the edge of The Alchemy of Us at Alison smirking before she straddled herself over my legs while I was still tucked under the comforter. Her finger slid into the middle of my book, closing the sides over themselves as I mentally noted the page. Setting it down over her right shoulder, she simultaneously leaned into me, capturing my lips delicately as my hands scoured her torso. Alison raised herself onto her knees, leaning all her weight forward to pull the comforter and sheet down. I used my left hand, positioned conveniently in the middle of the bed, to assist, causing her to melt further against me.

The moment she separated our lips briefly, I spoke, "Am I to take that this is your choice for vent night?"

She sighed against the side of my face, kissing me more forcefully before speaking again, "No... I really wanted a back massage."

"I can do back massage." I spoke in between nips as I slowly worked at the bridge of her neck and shoulder, already sending her into a frenzy. "We can always come back to this."

I let go of her thighs where my hands had naturally fallen to gracefully pull her shirt over her head. Kissing the top her breasts, I moved forward to unhook her bra, trailing the straps down her arms as she leaned backward to start turning to her stomach. "You take such good care of me, Emmy." She whispered in the glow of my reading light.

One of my hands settled on the curve between her stomach and waist as my finger and thumb swirled around the waistline of her pants. My eyebrows raised in sheer delight, "You know, I may be biased because of my current view – " She fell forward laughing, connecting her left hand with mine in the process, " – but I'm pretty sure I was thinking the exact same thing." Getting on all fours to crawl up to the top of the bed, I paused Alison briefly to kiss her, "Love you, sweetheart."

"Love you too, Em." Her hand stayed on my cheek as our eyes settled on each other a second longer than needed. "So fucking much."

Kissing her one last time before her lips would be attached to her pillow, I moved to my right to get off the bed and rotate to her side. My hands rested on either side of her hips, lightly pulling down to get her to raise her lower body off the bed until she was nude beneath me.

I placed a lingering kiss against her shoulder blade before draping the sheet over her body, "Let me grab the lotion, love. Be right back."

As I returned in boy shorts and a sports bra, I pulled back the sheet to reveal only her lower body at first, "Okay, Ali. I'm gonna briefly work on your ass, legs, and feet first. You deserve it after wearing those damn heels from 11 on."

She chuckled deeply. I could already hear the release of tension in her voice. And as I reached to start on her right foot from the end of the bed, Alison started venting.

"You know, you called it this morning. My smile. For the first time in a long time, I think I might have been completely happy for more than half of the day. Inside, I mean. You always make me happy, so don't think that's what I mean. I just – "

My thumb dug into the arch of her foot as I responded, " – this is your vent. You don't need to explain how you feel to me. You're okay, baby."

"Right, right." She shook out her shoulders, still not fully comfortable with the idea of expressing herself without potential repercussion. "Since Nana passed away, I've been in a funk. You've seen it; you've mentioned it. You've told me it's normal. But having all of that happen, followed by Jake's stuff right after, it's hard to not get in your head about it all. It's hard to not live in that place where bad things are bound to follow. So waking up today and being able to see the end of a scenario I had lived out in my head daily, I was so fucking happy. It felt like today my smile didn't stop. It didn't have an end because for once in however many months, I was fully happy inside. It felt so good, and it felt even better that you were able to notice it, too." Alison's venting was briefly paused by a deep groan as my hands moved up to her calf, specifically focusing on the muscles pounding in my own legs moments before we switched shoes earlier in the day. "Jake had mentioned wanting donuts before he got out today. But I had forgotten to ask you to stop on our way over this morning, so I took the car to the donut store after dropping you off at work. The drive-thru was so packed though that I had to give my name and place the order before waiting to pull around to the window. And as I waited in that line afterwards, I remembered how happy I was. It hit me kind of like a lightning bolt, and so without thinking about it, I pulled out my phone and tried to call her."

Alison didn't have to specify who. She had told me story after story about calling her Nana after big news. Getting into college. Becoming engaged. Finding out she was pregnant. Receiving the divorce filing. Meeting me. Her Nana was her rock. The one person in her life who dropped everything for her, when so much of the rest of her world asked her to wait her turn.

"I hadn't even realized it until I heard the dial tone. And just that depressed beep reminded me of her finality." I exhaled as slowly as I could to not be heard behind her. But I hated that sentence. I hated not being able to console her right then and there. But it was Alison's vent, and she hadn't paused in the slightest. So I moved my hands up to either side of her hips, paying particular attention to areas Alison didn't completely care for on herself but made her completely mine. "It was even worse that the fading of it all sounded like the final beats of a heart monitor. Just the ending of something so grand. A life worth so much more than a stroke that prevented her from saying real goodbyes to any of us. So, I listened to that dial tone for a long time today, Emmy. And I tried to piece together her goodbye in that repetitive drone. Like maybe her message for me laid between those notes. A faint whisper hidden if I simply tried."

She breathed out deeply as I settled myself over her ass, my legs falling to either side of her hips. Reaching forward, I pulled all of her hair to one side before covering the side of her neck, now bare, with faint kiss after kiss. My subtle way of letting Alison know she was being heard. That under my touch. That in my presence. She was forever heard. It was forever her turn.

"But I couldn't pull anything of substance out. Nothing stood out between those tones. Nothing except the window attendant at the donut shop raising her voice to get my attention after dozens of seconds of silence." She giggled, still able to find the joy in hardship. It made me smile, as my hands fell in tune, memorizing each and every curve of her back. "I hadn't even fully pulled up to the window, lost in the fact that I was just waiting for a sign in an empty dial tone. I apologized, closing my phone, and moving the eight feet forward that was necessary to get my order. But then, the funniest thing happened... She didn't say my name to confirm my order. Instead, she looked me in the eye and said 'Lydia'."

My head snapped forward from focusing on how her shoulder blades so idyllic faded into her rib cage which accentuated her hip bones. "What?" I choked out.

"I said the same thing, Em. And she could tell I was confused, so she repeated herself, clear as day. Lydia. My head whipped around as if on fucking Candid Camera before she said Nana's name a third time. Lydia. Finally, I was able to shake my head and squeak out my name to get the correct order. But what are the chances, babe?" Silence filled the space between her rhetorical question. "As I pulled away, I realized that I'm sure I must be doing that in my daily life. I think I'm waiting around trying to find a message in a dial tone, when if I just opened my fucking eyes and ears, the signs are right in front of me. That was reiterated tonight when we were talking about getting older. I mean, sure, you're only eight months older, baby, but life is so uncertain. I can't even think too long about how my grandpa has survived two months without her. And with their decades and decades together, I know I didn't have enough time with her." She puffed out air through closed lips, "If I know I didn't get enough time and was one of the closest people to her, then I have no doubt that my grandpa feels the same way. And I don't want to have a shadow of a doubt when it comes to you, Em. Time is precious, and we haven't been treating it that way. Not really. A fear settled into me over the course of today that somehow, someway, time may be running out on us."

"Alison – " Oh, God. I had been right. Her pause in the kitchen. It was me. It would always be me.

Her head lifted from her pillow, unable to move far due to me still rolling my palms up her back as though frozen in time. "Fuck. Just heard that back in my head. Baby, let me finish before you panic."

"Do I want you to finish? I mean, you just said our time is running out. I think it's explicitly clear what – " My hands worked diligently over her rib cage, noting the way her body formed to mine, tucking my hands underneath her as I went along.

"Emily, do you really think I'd break up with you while I'm fully nude, you straddling me and giving me a massage as I'm telling you a sentimental story of my dead grandmother coming to me in a donut drive-thru the day we bring our son home from a two-week hospital stay after brain surgery?"

I exhaled in relief, "When you put it that way..."

"I'm sorry for emphasizing it like that at first. Let me explain. Are you okay?" Her worry was apparent.

Kissing her temple, I whispered, "So, do I keep massaging you?"

She nodded, "Yes, please. I'm not done yet. Sorry." She took in another breath of air, "Also, as a side note, can we give one more big 'fuck you' to Ashton Miller? The fact that somewhere in you, you believe that you're somehow worthy of a fucked up break up like that is because of her." I watched her eyes close in exasperation, "I would never, Emily, never do something like that. I promise."

"Okay..." My voice faded, still unsure.

"This next part will affirm that. As I was saying, I started thinking about time running out on our relationship like it did with my grandparents. Even with all the time they had, I know both of them would only dream of more. It's one of the only things we're never guaranteed. Time and forgiveness. And at the end of my life, Em, I don't want to look back and realize that we missed out on time that was staring us straight in the face. So, I don't know what it's going to take. I don't know what work I'll need to do or potentially we'll need to do. But – " She inhaled deeply. "My happiness is here. You are here. Jake's here at least until this summer, but I think I've been trying to find a message in a dial tone. And I just need to face the fact that you're in front of me. Here. You're in front of me here. I – I want to move here. No maybe's about it."

I squealed as my hands moved to tickle her sides, falling against her, "If only you could see how fucking big my smile is right now, Alison. You know I'm in."

Her hips shook beneath me as she wriggled, twisting her neck into her shoulder to prevent me from moving my hands upward to tickle her more, "Really? Like maybe have to sell my house, move? Nowhere to go but here, move?"

"Stay with me each night, move? Wake up with me each morning, move? Start rules and foundations of our own, move? Yes. Yes. And yes." I accentuated each confirmation with a separate short kiss across her shoulders. "Is there more to vent about because I'm pretty fucking excited right now?"

Rolling to my left, Alison followed until we were face to face, "You're really okay with this?"

"This is far better than where I thought this was going just minutes ago."

Her left hand held the side of my face as she stared directly at me, "I'm not letting you go. No more wasted time?" And as I nodded, Alison pulled herself into me giggling every step of the way before whispering back into the darkness of our room.

"I'm not letting you go until the clocks run out, Emily."

Jacob's fists hit the kitchen table in exhilaration while screaming, "DON'T PASS GO, MOMMY!"

"Yeah, get your butt to jail!" I laughed as Jacob fell into my shoulder.

His birthday had been peaceful with just the four of us. It was sparingly interrupted by members of his family reaching out to call or FaceTime, and always included wanting a full update from either Alison or Carter of how he was progressing at home. We spent the day building his new LEGO set in the middle of the living room until we found a stopping point followed by nap time and now Monopoly filled with pizza, cake, and ice cream. Alison called Carter early this morning to relay the conversation Jacob and I had on the couch the day before, so all three of us were on our best behavior. If Jacob wanted a family on his birthday, a family he was going to get.

"More wine, Emily?" Carter asked over his shoulder, walking into the kitchen after his turn led him to paying even more money to try and get a hotel at Marvin's Vineyard.

Following my roll, I smiled up at him, "That would be great, thanks." Alison reached underneath the table to soft my hand in hers, relishing in moments that were just ours even in a crowded room. "You okay?" I whispered her direction as Jacob pensively reviewed all of his cards. "I know you woke up early this morning to get everything ready."

Her yawn answered the question. "I got nervous that something wouldn't be perfect for him."

"He looks pretty perfect to me." Carter replied, sitting down before pouring one last glass of red out of our shared bottle. "You having fun, Bug?"

"Wots! I onwy need one more wailwoad, and I hab all four!"

"Did you need any more food before I put it away, J? We're getting close to shower time!"

He set down his cards sullenly before passing the dice back to his mom, who casually sent them my way due to her required skipped turn due to her jail sentence. "But we not done yet, E!"

Carter extended out his hand to try and control Jake's increasing volume as Alison quickly starting fading from exhaustion next to me, "This game usually takes quite a bit of time. Maybe next time we can plan our naps out a little better to have more time with it. But look at Mommy, she's sleepy, too."

"Baby?" I whispered, kissing her cheek as her eyes fluttered rapidly, "Go take your shower for me while Carter gets Jake ready for bed. We need to do our head wrapping tutorial, and we can't have you in this stupor."

She nodded, heading upstairs without another word as Carter continued speaking to Jacob, who I couldn't quite hear with his head tucked into his dad's shoulder, " – it was fun with all of us, you're right. Mmm-hm. We can do more game nights if you want to. Of course, I love spending time with you and Mommy. Yes, Emily too." Carter looked up smiling through our eye contact. "We all are right here, Bug. Don't worry. I'll see you next weekend. Mommy and Emily have you. Who knows? Maybe just the three of you can finish a Monopoly game while I'm gone." He winked my direction knowing just how much longer a 3-person game would take. "You all calmed down? Good. Let's get you ready for bed. You know where your waterproof patches for your scalp are for your baths?"

"They're in the bottom left drawer of the set of six in the linen closet in there. There should be plenty; just let me know."

"Thank you." Carter whispered while carrying him up the stairs.

There was something about the act of cleaning that had changed since October. A common misconception with OCD is that everyone diagnosed compulsively cleans. That was never the case for me. Sure, I love cleanliness as much as the next person, but it never consumed me. It never felt mind or body altering. Until now. There was something in the act of cleaning for others, for the benefit of Alison and Jacob and Carter. Because maybe tomorrow morning, Alison would come down wanting to make breakfast for us all, and she would hit the doorway into the kitchen and exhale a 'thank you' back up the stairway behind her. One silently just for me. An ounce of recognition despite not craving any in the moment.

Ever since realizing that ideal, I cleaned meticulously. If I was going to spend my time cleaning while everyone else fulfilled their own role, then I was going to clean perfectly. Not for me, but for those who may come behind me. So that for maybe a moment, someone else would feel that I was good. And if I was good, then nothing behind the surface would be looked in to. Work and my hidden project could remain exactly that. Hidden.

"Mommy, let Emlee do it! Iss not wight." Jacob whined from his bed as the three of us stood around the corners.

I cupped my hand on the small of Alison's back to reassure her despite Jacob's protesting, "Good job, baby. If he's complaining, it's probably the initial stretching that isn't tight enough along the bottom of the scalp. Just pick up that piece you laid, right –" My fingers tightened on her lower back, " – right there. Perfect, and pull the edge so that it can get a better grip alongside the – "

" – Mommy!" He exclaimed once again.

"Jacob..." Carter's voice lowered, his hand sullenly hitting the frame of the bed in frustration, "You have to stop, Bug. Your mother is learning. I am trying to learn. Please, show some patience."

He blew out air as Alison coached him through calmness, my hand meeting Alison where it was on the back of Jake's head so that the crease wouldn't loosen in our attempts to salvage this lesson. We were all unpleasantly provoked by the scenario. Jacob refused for anyone but me to surface-level clean the wound tonight, claiming over and over again that they were bound to do it wrong. This was immediately followed by Jacob vocally criticizing their wrapping repeatedly, despite this all being an introduction. Even with Jacob's previous surgery, an incisional wound on the side of a four year old's scalp was world's different than the scar willing its way onto the back of Jacob's head. His previous head coverings would have solely required a thin wrap or two diagonally around his head while his current needs required multi-layered full wraps both above and below the sutures so that even if in the middle of the night Jacob turned fully onto his back that the pressure would spread out enough across the back of his scalp that no damage would occur. With my training and understanding of the surgery, I quickly picked up on the wrapping technique. But next to me were relative amateurs and a child who expected everyone around him to be as proficient as hospital doctors.

It took another 20 minutes of wrapping and unwrapping for both Alison and Carter to understand the patterns and desired tightness and comfortability for their son. Lightly exhausted after the tension spread throughout the room, Alison walked Carter downstairs toward the door as I took over tucking in duties for the evening.

Jacob discussed the events of the day with fervor, rocking back and forth on his sides while getting settled underneath his sheets. His run-on sentences were filled with joy and excitement and hope. But I knew I had to say something, even if his parents' first instinct was to let it be.

"J?" I asked, causing his head to pensively look up at me, "You do understand why Daddy got a little upset with you earlier, don't you?"

He shrugged, "He wasn't doing it wight."

"Okay, maybe he wasn't." My hand situated his comforter warily, "But have you ever tried to learn something for the first time?"

"I fink so."

"It's like math when we're working on something brand new. Do you always get it right away?"

He shook his head, "No, but it hurted."

I reached for his shoulder, shaking it gently, "Maybe try saying that next time then because tonight, your words and your volume weren't very kind. Even adults have to learn new things and they were in here tonight for you. So that you are able to be completely well." I sighed, "Maybe you're tired or had a long day or are still on a little high from it being your birthday. And I'm not doubting that incorrect wrappings are uncomfortable and potentially painful, but sometimes, you have to show everyone more patience. They are your parents, and I promise you that they're doing the best they can."

"I not in twouble?" He nodded, trying to process my words. "I say sorry."

"You're not in trouble, sweetie. Even now, sometimes I struggle being able to see how my words impact other people. I just wanted you to potentially see how your words weren't the best tonight." I leaned forward, kissing his forehead, "If you want to apologize, find something nice to say to Mom and Dad next time they wrap your head."

"What bout if iss bad?"

I chuckled, "Especially if it's bad. Find one thing, Bug."

His hands pulled his covers up underneath his chin as he wiggled in the cool sheets. "One fing... Okay."

"Thank you for listening, Jacob. Happy Birthday..."

Alison met me at the door as I turned out his table lamp. Her hand silently laced its way through mine as I kissed her temple against the door jamb, "You'll get better." I whispered.

She smiled, a small laugh escaping through closed teeth, "I hope so, otherwise he may stage a full coup."

"If it helps, your wrap job didn't look near as bad as he made it seem to be." But at my words, there was no response. Simply Alison leaning against the door and staring. "You alright there?"

"Yeah, baby. Just soaking up this first day of eight."

It was easy to read through her body language that she was doing exactly that. Embracing and inhaling all that was new about the day, about this time, about this year.

So, without question, I dropped her hand before whispering softly, "Soak up all the time you need, Ali."

"Kept you up too late last night, did I?" I casually asked as Alison eventually crawled into bed. Her body quickly enveloping mine like quicksand.

She groaned against my side before mumbling, "You have no idea. I'm drained." Her lips barely puckered against my upper arm in the world's faintest kiss. "Can I rain check your vent day?"

"Ali – "

" – I know, I'm so sorry. After last night especially, you deserve... a lot." She sat up haphazardly, shaking out her shoulders, "You know what? Nevermind. I can go, baby. What will it be?"

I cackled, leaning back against our headboard, "Love the enthusiasm, and I think I know exactly how I want you tonight."

"What's that?" She whispered seductively into my ear.

"You. And me. Laying right here. And wait for it... falling asleep in each other's arms."

"Shut up. Really?" She smiled, kissing my cheek endearingly. "Emily? Actually? Be honest with me."

I turned, wrapping my arm back around her waist while allowing her to lie down next to me. "Nothing would make me happier than you being able to get a full night's rest tonight. You deserve after all you did today for Jake."

"You think he enjoyed it?" She murmured, rocking herself back and forth against the side of my body to settle in.

"From what I can put together, he told Carter just as much before bath time. But I'm sure we can ask him more about it bright and early tomorrow morning." My left hand settled on her hip bone, my thumb slipping in the lining of her lace underwear as I toyed with her skin. "I'm going to keep reading for a bit before getting ready for bed, babe. Spending so much time with all of you today was the perfect way to vent. Don't even – "

But as I starting wrapping up my thoughts, I noticed a lapse in Alison's normal breathing during waking hours. No, in a matter minutes, she had already fallen asleep wrapped around my left leg. I hadn't been lying though. I knew that giving her time to be was the best for her evening, and I knew that all of my best venting wasn't going to take place in our bed tonight. Instead, it would be best kept online along with the presence of a photo dump from the day's events.

I'm writing this moments after tucking you in tonight. Your mom and I couldn't help but stand in the doorway and count every single blessing you bring into our lives. It seems crazy to say that considering I met you three months ago (to the day). But in that time, you've taught me more about what it means to be a woman than in the 32 years I've been granted thus far. You've taught and shown me patience. You've reminded me what it looks like to do things bigger than yourself. To defy the age requirements of what it takes to be a role model. You're a daily reminder for us to live for every moment. But more than anything, you've taught me that parent is a verb. It lives in the actions of every moment of my days. It's putting someone ahead yourself before you're able to consider otherwise. It is being there when you need to be carried down the stairs, or when your head hurts too much and you need another FULL thesis-sized explanation of surgical facts and procedure. It is filling in every single gap before you can realize there's even a hole. You're something I never knew I was missing, and now, never want to miss. I'd give you every ounce of my world five times over if I could. Love you. Happy Birthday, J.

And to my other heart, you make all of our days special, but seeing his happiness thanks to all you forever do will always be my favorite part. May I celebrate by your side 'til the clocks run out. Nothing attached. – E

A/N: Hope you enjoyed, and I hope you all are well. Any and all comments, PMs, etc. are always read and appreciated. Thank you for it all.

And as always, Read. Review. Favorite. Pass Along.

- secretpen28