CONQUERED
Chapter 8
Kate woke up one morning and found herself on Rick's side of the bed yet again. Yes, she started out on her side, and she had done that on purpose because Rick was clearly not ready. Maybe she wasn't either, but she was trying to be. It was just she wasn't sure Rick was trying.
Looking up at him, she could see that he was awake. Unlike a few other times, this time she didn't feel his arm around her.
"Sorry, I seem to be on your side of the bed again," Kate said apologetically, but she didn't try to move.
"Perhaps you would feel more comfortable in Mother's bedroom."
"Martha? You want me to move in with Martha?" Kate was ready to cry. "But I love you." Rick didn't say anything. "Oh, God. You don't love me." She was crushed and could feel the tears but refused to cry.
"It's not about loving you, Kate. It's about trusting you. I trusted you, and look what you did. You apologized and explained how it happened. Yet you did it and knew exactly what you were doing.
"You tell me you trust me, but do you trust me with your heart? Do you remember when you criticized my theories? Yes, some of them were supposed to be fun, to get you to smile. Instead, you insulted me, then allowed Espo to pile on, and still said nothing.
"Insulted, not trusted, betrayed, and asked to trust you. Give what I don't get? You can stay, but I don't think you can expect anything else." Kate felt him leave her, get out of bed, and head for the bathroom.
Kate hadn't moved and was still refusing to cry. She watched him get dressed and leave her behind.
O~O~O
Kate had made it to one of those many isolated locations with a bench, sat down, and broke down sobbing for all she was worth. She hadn't meant to do it. She was trying to fix it, but it took too long.
She was still sobbing and didn't even notice that she was crying on someone's shoulder until she finally calmed down.
"Laura?" Kate was shocked; she tried to sit up and get away, but Laura wouldn't let her.
"What's wrong? What has you sobbing, Kate?" Laura asked her gently.
Kate didn't even try to lie. It was all over, so why lie? "Rick wants me to move in with Martha. He doesn't want to love me. Says he doesn't trust me." Kate wiped away her tears.
Laura thought she looked broken. Devastated and completely shattered.
"Trust issues. Do you want a clue about a relationship? Trust. Don't get me wrong, love is important, but trust is fundamental to any relationship.
"Yes, Dean and I are younger than you and Rick are. He's rich, and I'm not. We love each other, but we also trust each other. I trust him to make decisions that are in our best interest. I would never do something to Dean that would break that trust.
"You did, Kate. Yes, you explained and apologized, but you knew what you were doing when you did it. Love him all you want. Trust him. How to get him to trust you is what you need to solve."
"He doesn't. Maybe I shouldn't have come." Kate even thought that she should have just stolen something, and she would have vanished in an instant. She would never even feel it. Just be gone.
"Don't say that. Don't ever say that! How long did it take to get Rick to love you the first time? How long did it take you? Yet you've been here how long? You want him back? Fight for him. Love can happen easily. Did he say that he didn't love you or just that he didn't trust you?"
That had Kate thinking. He hadn't said that he didn't love her, only that he didn't trust her.
"You have one advantage here, Kate. There's no one here to challenge you for his love or his trust. There's just you. So, fight for him. Did you ever fight for him to get him to love you?" Laura watched her shake her head.
"So you've had it easy till now. Now you have to fight to get what you want. You say you love him, so now you get to fight to show that you love him. And even more important, that you trust him. Trust him with your heart.
"I was told you were a homicide detective, so you have strength. Then show Rick you have courage and are willing to risk your heart. Do you want him? Fight for him.
"Now go take a shower, get cleaned up, and get started showing Rick that he can have your heart and that you want his."
Kate wiped away the new tears. "How old are you?" She asked in part because she didn't really know and partly because Laura somehow sounded older than she looked.
Laura laughed. "None of that was me. That was all my mother. I met and fell in love with Dean. I thought he was way out of my league. He was young and rich, and to me, so very handsome. He could have any woman he wanted, so why would he choose me?
"That was where my mother came into this. So you can thank her if I knew where she was. Cancer took her from me. But she got to see me marry Dean. She knew I was happy and that we trusted each other.
"So, ex-homicide detective Kate Beckett, get up and go fight for your man. Or go out, steal something, and let the aliens kill you. And if you do that, I'll kill you myself after Rick kills you." Laura was sure that worked because Kate chuckled a little.
"Now move, woman. You have work to do." Laura got up and left her sitting there.
O~O~O
"What's wrong?" Martha had found Richard sitting and sulking, or at least he looked to be sulking. "What have you done, Richard?"
Rick looked at her. Why would she think it was his fault? His own mother, no less. "What have I done, Mother? Really?"
"Yes, because I know you. You have a history of something going wrong or different from what you wanted or suspected. You've decided to either put words in another person's mouth or decided to interpret something in a way that wasn't intended.
"Instead of asking someone, you've just decided this is what it is. Right or wrong," Martha explained. "So what is it this time? No, wait, let me guess. It's about Katherine. She explained what she did and why, or don't you believe her?"
"How am I supposed to trust her after what she did? She didn't even try to fix it till it was too late," Rick argued.
"Too late? So you've made a decision without her. You decided not to listen and just decided for both of you."
"Not listening, Mother?" He was talking about trust, and his mother was talking about something else.
"I heard you loud and clear, Richard. You don't trust her and don't want to trust her. Meredith cheated on you, and instead of doing something about it, you let her divorce you. I still don't understand why you married Gina. Even Alexis doesn't understand Gina.
"Kyra doesn't even give you an answer; she simply runs away. But you at least know she's sorry for what she did. If she hadn't married Greg what would you have done?
"You've already reached a conclusion, so how trustworthy are you, Richard? I've watched you dance around Katherine for years. Instead of actually talking to the girl, you make decisions for both of you.
"You told me, told her that you loved her. Is love all that it takes? You have a history, Richard. And so do I. Tell me, what did you learn about those three women? Or do you plan to make Katherine number four?
"Are you afraid of what Alexis thinks? Why are you letting her decide who you care about, who you love? She's almost a grown woman that will make her own decisions, not live her life because of what you say.
"You work so hard at being the cool dad. So, work just as hard at being the cool boyfriend. The cool husband. The cool something. Just how cool were you with Meredith or Gina?
"Katherine chased you all the way out here. Doesn't that tell you something? Go and talk to the woman. Open up and talk to her, Richard. What are you afraid of? That she'll show you that she can open her heart to you? Or can you not open yours to her?"
"You want her, then go talk to her. If you don't want her, then cut her loose. But if you do that, be ready to never hear from her again. Maybe permanently as in forever and ever," Martha warned him. The aliens had killed enough already.
"You have work to do, son." Martha patted his leg, stood up, and left him. He had a lot to think about.
O~O~O
Kate hadn't seen Rick for hours and didn't know what to do. She had told Rick repeatedly that she loved him. Maybe he didn't believe her. She did trust him. She trusted him with her life. But did she trust him with her heart?
If they were right about the number of people the aliens had killed to date, it was a good bet that the person that ordered her mother killed was just as dead. All he had to do was steal one little thing, and he would vanish, never to be seen again.
O~O~O
Kate had finally spotted him after lunch. Rick hadn't participated in it, but she had, hoping to see him. She walked up to him and took his hand, and started pulling him toward the closest isolated space she could find. Thankfully Rick didn't put up a fight and went with her.
"Just listen." Kate sat down next to him. "I love you. I know you don't believe me, that you don't trust me. But I'm going to prove to you that I do love you and trust you.
"I want to be here, Rick." Kate saw Rick open his mouth, and she put her fingers on his lips to stop him. "Please, let me finish."
She took a deep breath, let it out, and gathered her courage. "I've told you and everyone else what I did and why. I was wrong, and I admit it. My heart belongs to you and no one else. There will never be anyone else but you.
"Having said that." Kate did what Rick should be doing. But she had nothing to lose but the man she loved, so this was it or nothing.
While Rick watched, she got down on one knee and took his hand in hers. "I love you, I trust you with everything, with my life, and my heart. Marry me. I can prove that you, and everyone else can trust me." Kate searched his face for some idea as to what he was thinking. What she saw initially was shock. She had really shocked him.
"I don't need a ring, I don't need a dress, I just need you. Just you. I want you."
"Are you stealing my lines, Beckett?"
"Dad can't walk me down the aisle. We probably can't even find a minister to marry us, but I don't care. Everyone that needs to know is here. My heart belongs to you. All you have to do is say yes. Take it and do what you want with it.
"I love you. I trust you. I want you. I want to give myself to you. Forever and always." Kate was still down on one knee and looking up at him.
Rick was stunned and taken aback. He needed to figure out just what to tell her. He had already worked up some of what to say. But none of what he had to say was an answer to that question.
"We don't talk, Kate. I didn't dare say anything. I just knew you would run away. Shut me out and not speak to me for days, if not weeks, or ever again. I admit it, I made a choice for both of us based on what I thought would happen. Rather than talking and risking anything, I did nothing instead.
"I told you that I loved you. You needed to know that someone loved you. You needed to fight to live. Then you told me that you didn't remember. So I didn't talk. Either you truly didn't remember or didn't want to remember.
"I never told you that I loved you again because I was sure you would run. I couldn't figure out how to risk it all. You would reject me so I did what you did. I did nothing up until I learned that you had lied to me for a year.
"That did hurt more than I can begin to describe. How you could be that cruel, that evil, shocked me deeply. Instead of talking or asking why, I ran for it. To protect myself."
"You're not completely wrong, Rick. I was in such a state I might have fought back. What is so wrong with us?" Kate could feel tears run down her face.
Rick opened his mouth to tell her something, only she put her fingers to his lips to stop him.
"I'm willing to talk. I may still screw up, but I'm trying. I need to know if you're willing to talk. I promise not to run away. I spent days driving out here to chase after you. I risked my life to be here. Talk to me, please," Kate asked him. "I'm finally listening."
"Do you want to go fishing with me tomorrow? You can call it a date."
"I would love to," Kate said instantly. No, he hadn't answered her proposal, and he didn't have to. At least he knew she was offering him her heart and that she was committed to him.
"Did you eat anything, or were you trying to avoid me?" Kate was still down on one knee when she asked him. "Never mind. Come on, I'll feed you. I'll even cook, and you can have some of my coffee." Kate stood up, kept hold of his hand, and pulled him behind her to the kitchen so she could cook just for him and feed him.
O~O~O
"Brunch and coffee." Kate set his plate and coffee cup in front of him and retreated to get silverware and a napkin for him.
"So, have you done much fishing?" Kate wondered if she knew more than he did.
Rick shook his head. "Nope, and I've only had a couple of lessons on how to sail from Alexis and Michael."
"Great, so you're going to drown us," Kate teased him. "Sorry, I need to stop doing that. Alright, do you want to make a bet on who catches the most fish?" She was betting she would win.
"What are you offering?" Rick asked while he ate. He was pleased to find that she did indeed know how to cook. Of course, like always, there was very little meat in it. Their diet was almost all vegan.
"Um, if I win, you kiss me," Kate offered.
"And when I win?"
"IF you win?" Kate needed to think. "I kiss you?" Either way, she got a kiss.
"I lose, you win, and if I win, I lose?"
"Fine, what do you want?" Kate asked since it had better include a kiss one way or another.
"If you win, I kiss you. When I win, you clean and cook the fish."
"I get one kiss, and you get six cleaned and cooked fish? There's something wrong with this bet." What Kate saw was one against six.
Rick caved in. "Fine, six kisses against six fish."
"Deal." Then Kate quantified what a kiss was. "So long as those kisses aren't those little French kisses that are fake kisses and no little bird kisses."
"Alright. No baby fish. We're talking real fish that we can eat and get a real meal."
"Deal!" Kate held out her hand shook his hand. "Pucker up those lips, Rick. I want my six kisses."
"Kisses?" Laura walked in looking for a snack that she could have just gotten out of a greenhouse, but she wanted something cold. "It's about time, Rick. Kate may decide to kiss someone else if you don't start puckering up soon." Laura opened a reach-in refrigerator and found something.
"Kiss her, Rick." Laura pointed her finger at him and walked back out.
"Yes, kiss her, Rick." Kate smiled at him, and suddenly he stood up and left his food behind. "Not her! ME!" Kate didn't believe him and then she saw him grinning at her. "OH, YOU!" He was teasing her again. At least he was doing something instead of ignoring her.
"Eat your food. Just for that, I'm getting a coffee and then I'm going to get my fishing pole ready for tomorrow. I'm going to teach you how to fish and kick your ass." Kate went into the kitchen to check the coffeemaker.
She was walking back out with her coffee. "Bring it on, Kate. I love tasty fish." Rick saw her smile at him as she left the dining room. For him, it actually felt good. She was talking in a way that she never had. It was a way he had dreamed of but had never gotten. Maybe she was changing. He knew he was partly to blame. He had been too chicken to press her. And no, he had never told her ever again that he loved her. Something was really wrong with them.
Then Alexis showed up and sat down across from him. She looked at his plate, reached out to pinch a piece of his cream-cheese-and-walnut stuffed French toast, and ate it. "A little birdie tells me you and Kate are going fishing tomorrow instead of me and Michael."
"Your little stool pigeon is correct. Kate thinks she is going to teach me how to fish."
Alexis rolled her eyes. "Dad, Grams can fish better than you."
"Take that back. Even my own daughter." Rick could feel the knife in his back.
"Kate's going to wipe the floor with you, so you better be ready for that." Alexis watched him scowl. "Why her and you? Michael and I may have to go out fishing when you get back." Alexis kept piling it on since it was fun.
"We have a bet, and Kate thinks she can win."
"Then are you two getting back together?" Alexis queried.
"Is that a problem?" He wasn't all that sure that they were back together despite her proposing to him. He certainly wasn't ready for something like that.
"Honestly, I don't know, Dad. What she did is almost unforgivable. I just want you to be careful and be very sure about her." And then Alexis reached across to pinch another piece of his meal.
Alexis smiled at him. "I'm going to go tell Michael that we might not have to go fishing tomorrow but to be ready to take the boat out anyway."
"Ha ha. Now go find something to do and stop stealing my food." Rick used both hands to cover his stuffed French toast to try and stop her from stealing even more.
"Okay. Love you, Dad." Alexis got up and waited to see if he moved his hands so she could snatch yet another piece.
"Love you, too." Rick kept his hands over his food until Alexis finally turned to leave. He grinned as he watched her walk away. At least it sounded like Alexis didn't outright hate Kate any longer, so that was a good thing. Now he just needed to figure out how he felt with all this new information. Not to mention Kate's proposing to him.