The Heart Won't Lie
by Castlefan6
Authors Note: This is Totally AU; Beckett has left for D.C and the Feds. This describes the activity of each, during the time away from each other, NO PROPOSAL, before she left, but plenty of ANGST. Can they find their way back to each other, or do they even want to? It blends some Canon dialog, courtesy of Dust Jackets Dot Com, then goes quickly and completely AU. What were each up to during this time, Taking Literary License to fill in the blanks.
A/N: CASKETT ENDING IS NOT GUARANTEED. : CASKETT ENDING IS NOT GUARANTEED.
I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create.
Also, we take liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.
Thanks to reader pmt0622 for the prompt:
A CASKETT ENDING IS NOT GURANTEED. **************************************************************************/
Chapter 4
Castle's Home, Next Morning
Buena Vista Ave, Santa Barbara, CA 93108
Abby woke up, things felt strange, she felt sore but oddly sexually satisfied for the first time since, well since she could remember. That was some dream, hell it was so real like, she could even almost remember every moment from the first session. She turned to pull the sheet up to cover her bare breasts, then she saw two beautiful blue eyes just looking at her.
"Rick? I mean did we? Not that I'm sorry, but I don't remember too much. Oh hell, let me wake up, no I don't want to wake up, if this is a dream let me go back to where I was at." She said,
"Abby, it wasn't a dream, and for what it's worth, it was better in real life than I ever dreamed it could be." Rick handed her a cup of coffee, "No don't worry, I met them at my door, no one saw that beautiful body but me." As she blushed,
"God Rick, how many times, I think I lost count, I just remember yelling at that nerdy version of me in middle school, "See I told you so, I told you he was my boyfriend" did I really say that out loud Rick?"
"Oh yes, that and much more, but it was music to my ears, I haven't felt this close to someone in a long time. I know, look, like you said last night, sex was just two people immersed in an 'act committed by two consenting adults to satisfy bodily needs'. That might be the clinical definition, but to me, it was WOW. Abby, I know we're friends, and if this was a mistake, or if you're sorry"
"Are you Rick, are you sorry, was it a mistake to you?" Abby asked, dabbing her eye,
"Hell no, I was just trying to figure out why and how I could have been so stupid for so long, it was a beautiful night. I don't expect anything more than what we had before, a deep friendship, and well, I don't know how that fits into your plans."
She had already crawled on top of him, initiating, "I hope you don't mind, but I take what I want, and it fits exactly into my plans. You're nowhere near ready for any relationship, but that doesn't mean you need to be celibate or become a priest, Rick, not with your talent. Let's set some ground rules if you don't mind". She was nibbling on his ear; his neck and her hand had found the part she desired.
"Agreed, Abbs, but not now, I can't think, hell, you could get me to agree to anything now, let's enjoy this session then sit in the hot tub and relax and discuss what you think are appropriate rules for us, I mean, Ohh God, Baby right there, sweetie," as she found the spot to truly initiate the next session.
Two Hours Later
Rick held her hand as she stepped up and into the hot tub, something she needed more than ever between last night and this morning, or whatever time it was.
"Abby, I just want to say something before we discuss our situation, taking her other hand in his, Thank you for showing me that I could still feel, I could still have emotions, and not just physical, I mean you and I both know that wasn't sex, that was making love. I know it, and so do you, so, Thank You, I feel like a new man, well in need of some repairs," she laughed, and kissed him,
"Well, that leads right into what I wanted to discuss Rick, I know you love me, not the way you did her, not the way I want, at least yet, but I know it's real. You never lied to me, even when you easily could have, that's all I ask now.
"I would love to continue this, and I hate the term friends with benefits, so I'll say friends who love to make love to each other. ALL I ask of you is if you see someone, feel something for someone, OR you stand a chance to make things right with her, please, please talk to me first. I know you never cheated, even when you could have easily gotten away with it, but Rick, just promise me that we talk BEFORE, PLEASE?" She had tears in her eyes,
"Abby, that's your only request? Seriously that's it, and you want to continue to see me for our own brand of therapy? You know, I would never hurt you, not for anything in the world, but that has to go for you too. Don't spend your life just waiting, you're far too beautiful and loving for that. If you agree to the same terms, then I think the only thing we need to work out is timing. I know you're busy so"
"Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays, and every holiday that your daughter isn't visiting unless that's too demanding. The average married couple our age makes love less than 1.2 times per month, thus the rise in divorce rates. You can't MAKE LOVE to someone you have issues with, so the carrot is the act, while the action is conflict resolution.
"Of course, in our case it would be outside distractions, meaning how much has something reminded you of a hurtful event or time in your life. We'll talk about those, not as your therapist, as your lover, as your friend, and after we expose our souls, we can bare the rest of ourselves to each other." She kissed him sweetly, then locked eyes and asked, "Is it a deal?"
It was sealed with a kiss, actually several kisses. Two days had gone by with them spending almost most of the time either in the throes of lovemaking, or some passionate position where they were holding each other as they reminisced.
"Rick does it bother you when we talk about the old days, and please answer honestly," Abby asked,
"If you're asking me, am I over Kyra and don't mind talking about it, the answer is yes, I'm over her, and I love to relive our good old days. I find out more about the shy girl who stood back and allowed her friend to search for happiness, instead of sabotaging any and every relationship he could have had. Wasn't it you that defined love as wanting the best for your partner, even if it was the worst thing ever for you?"
"Hey, no therapy, we agreed as she kissed him. Well, I remember you in college as the smart guy, kind of shy, and well, the guy most girls wanted to date. You weren't all over them pawing them in public like they were someone's possession."
"See, I remember being called a nerd, and to stick to my books, since I was a loser to any girl that was pretty, so, after my childhood"
Her lips were on his, "Don't you ever repeat those words again, Richard Castle, you were, are, and always will be the best thing that has happened to me and my life, no matter where our lives end up."
Abby knew what to say, and when, she also knew when no words were needed, and now was one of those times.
XxX
NYPD 12th Precinct
Same Time Frame
Kate knew exactly how the detectives were feeling, hell it hadn't been that long ago since she felt like the rug had been pulled out from under her with Jordan Shaw showing up with her fancy toys, Castle acting so infatuated. Well, she wouldn't have to worry about Castle now, but the boys, eh, she needed to talk to them.
"Javi, Kev wait, please." Kate cried out, as they hurried towards the conference room that would soon be infiltrated with FEDS, pushing them and their work aside.
"What do you want Beckett? I think your boss made it clear, even Gates is pissed so what are you going to tell us to make this all right?" Javi snapped, pure disgust in his voice,
"Javi, it doesn't have to be like this, really. I mean I'm the same person I always was, I haven't changed, just because I changed jobs."
"You sure about that Kate? Maybe you want to do a closer look at yourself, you've changed, and not for the better." Kevin said firmly, showing no fear or respect he had for her just a short time ago.
"Look, guys, we're not kicking you off your case, you'll continue to work the case, you'll just be reporting to us." She replied, trying to get over the sting of Kevin's words, was he right?
"OK, Kate, like old times right. So, tell us, why is the murder of an ex-sitcom star a federal case?" Kevin asked staring her down, she blinked, then regretted McCord's words, it was exactly what they were expecting.
"We're not at liberty to say." McCord offered curtly, injecting herself into the conversation,
"So, wait, let me get this straight. You want us to continue investigating, report everything to you, but you're not going to tell us why you're here?" Javi asked, with a look of I don't believe this shit, on his face, he wouldn't even look at Kate, but the hate in his voice and look wasn't lost on McCord.
"It's need-to-know, Detective Esposito. You're the one with Special Forces experience, you should understand that without any further explanation." McCord spat out; just what Kate didn't want. The attitude of us versus you, you do what we say, but we're not going to tell you why. She knew that wouldn't fly, not with this team who had learned push back from her.
"We'll be setting up in the large conference room, and we'll need any preliminary reports, and all of Reynolds' personal electronics, phones, iPads, computers. As always, the Attorney General's office thanks you for your cooperation," McCord added salt to an already open wound, Kate shot her a look that would kill, and walked away, knowing any chance of peaceful coexistence with the department was now gone.
Rachel found her in the break room, and approached her, "What the hell is your problem, Beckett? If you think we're going to coddle a bunch of cops just because they used to work with you, you have a lot to learn. We have our orders, we follow them, without question.
"There is no GREY area in our jobs, just black and white, and you have to understand, you deviate from that, you could cost us a conviction. Is that clear?"
"Look, Rachel, you may be OK with reading something off a piece of paper and losing your soul, if you have any left at this point, but that doesn't mean you have to go out of your way to insult and belittle as you say JUST a bunch of cops.
"I used to be one, and these guys know more about the case than we do, we need them to help us, not ignore or let us go down blind paths. You just pissed them off, they won't sabotage the investigation, but if you think for one minute, we'll get anything extra out of them, Congratulations Bitch, you just blew that out the window." Kate let her have it, the old Beckett resurfacing, finally.
McCord started to smile, "Finally, I see the fire everyone said you had with your cases. I don't want a kiss ass, someone asking what can I do for you partner, I need one not afraid to call me out when I'm wrong. The brass told me you had more balls than a lot of men, and frankly, I was beginning to wonder if you forgot to pack them when you left New York." McCord said with a half-grin across her face,
"Well, you didn't have to go to those limits to test me, YOU just cost us a lot of help from these guys, I'm going to see if I can recoup anything, and Rachel, don't say a word, don't follow me, go do what you do to set up the room." A very pissed off Kate Beckett spit out,
She searched the bullpen, not finding a sign of either Ryan or Espo, she approached the Captain's office and knocked shyly.
"What do you need Special Agent Beckett?" came from the chair, not even turning around.
"Sir, I wanted to apologize to the guys, I mean McCord comes off pretty strong sometimes about the you and us concept between departments, and well"
"Save it Beckett, Detectives Ryan, and Esposito too off for some personal business. They have been wracking up quite a bit of overtime since you left, and well decided they needed time to wind down. You'll have everything from the case as soon as Jr. Detective Scully pulls it all together." Gates said nothing like the motherly voice she had used when she encouraged her in their earlier conversations.
"Captain is there any way I can reach them, I want to apologize, I know how it feels to be in their shoes and that wasn't my intention in coming here today." Kate pleaded
"Well, Special Agent Beckett, intentions, good or bad don't really count, it's the execution and the way you leave someone feeling. These two, your boys as you used to call them, have really stepped up. Our closure rate is only down a fraction of one percentage point, even after losing not only you but Mr. Castle as well.
"I know where they went, but I'm not telling you, you're a work associate now. If you are truly STILL their friend you will know how to reach them, but by the look on your face, you haven't spoken to them either since you left.
"You know what's sad, I encouraged you to reach higher, not to fall into the cookie-cutter Federal Agent we as police despise. I'm happy for your professional success, I'm very sorry for the personal price you thought it was worth and are paying for daily." Gates said, finally looking up from her document and motioned to the door with her head, "Close it on your way out please Special Agent".
She walked back to the conference room where McCord was busy ordering the three staff members around how she wanted the room set up, she turned and almost knocked a shorter man down.
"I'm sorry, I didn't see you when I turned around," She said, helping the man steady himself, by taking a box off the top of the many he was carrying.
"That's quite all right Special Agent Beckett, I'm Junior Detective Vin Sully, they have me on probation and well, I'm just hoping some of your expertise you left at your desk will rub off on me." He said, almost like a fan would talk,
"Nice to meet you, Sully, where are you headed with all that," she asked,
"This is what Kev and Javi told me to get over to you and the other agent ASAP before they left." He said as he started towards the conference room.
"Did they say how long they would be gone or for how long Detective?" She asked,
"No, I'm low man on the totem pole so I find out what they want to tell me when they want to, something about the need to know. Anyway, they warned me you would ask, and I was to say I'm reporting to Detective Karpowski until further notice if you need assistance" as he placed the boxes down on the table.
"Well do you know where they went or where they are? Do you have any idea?" Kate pressed,
"As I said, Special Agent, I'm low man on the totem pole, and no I don't. All I know was they weren't happy when they left, and I don't expect them back for at least a few weeks, they took most of their personal belongings with them" he volunteered, turned, and left closing the door behind him
"Where are your apprentices Beckett? I'd like to talk to them to make sense of some of the preliminary notes they filed." McCord said,
"They left, on personal leave until further notice, so I guess you'll have to do your fucking job without the help of just a couple of cops" Kate spit out, and slammed the door as she walked out of the conference room and down the stairs to the street. She had no idea where they would go, think Kate, think?
She caught a cab and hurried to a place that she knew Kevin had been to, for advice, and well man talks when he was frightened. She threw some bills at the cab driver when they were within three buildings of Rick's loft, not waiting for the receipt, she jumped out of the still moving cab.
She hurried into the door, and that's when the surprises began. Eduardo spotted her from outside and had come from behind the concierge counter to greet her.
"Miss Beckett, it's good to see you, but I have to ask, why are you here?" he asked sure puzzlement on his face.
"Hi Eduardo, I came to see Rick, I mean, Mr. Castle, he didn't have any visitors lately, I mean Detectives Esposito and or Ryan, has he?" Kate asked, not understanding the look on the older gentleman's face.
"Miss Beckett, don't you know?" He asked with his voice cracking,
"Know what, Eduardo?" Kate replied,
"Mr. Castle doesn't live here anymore." He said sadly,
"He what? Where does he live, did he sell the loft?" Kate asked, fighting back tears,
"No mam, he still owns the building, and his loft, but he's not in New York anymore. I can't reveal where he lives, but Miss Kate, it's a long way from here. I thought you knew he moved shortly after Miss Martha, his voice cracked and a tear came to his eye, composing himself, he moved shortly after Miss Martha passed. " he looked away and dabbed his eye.
"No, I didn't know Eduardo, I'm so sorry, I mean I flew in for the service, but I didn't get to talk to him or Alexis, so no, I'm sorry." She said, now rocked to her core.
"Can you tell me if he moved, who is living in the loft?" Kate asked slowly,
"No one Miss Beckett, he had it cleaned and sealed, I think he wants to remember the way it used to be when Miss Rogers, and yo, eh, when things were different" he caught himself.
"Thanks, Eduardo, I appreciate it, take care of yourself," she said, and turned to walk away taking a few steps,
"Miss Beckett?"
"Yes, Eduardo," she said fighting back the tears already pooling in her eyes and threatening to fall at any minute.
"Please be safe, and take care of yourself, the staff and I, well things weren't the same once you left. Be careful and it was good to see you, again" he said and turned and walked back behind the counter as Kate replied weakly,
"Thank you, Eduardo, you all were great to me, and well, take care" she felt the tear fall and had to get out of the lobby quickly as she hurried through the door.
She walked a block on autopilot then went into the Java Hut coffee shop, never looking at the sign, she and Rick had often stopped to pick up coffees, well now she drank tea, and like everything else in New York, things changed. She was inside the lobby before she realized, the store wasn't a Java Hut, but an organic fruit shake place.
She turned and walked out, beginning to understand what some song lyrics really meant. She had just heard one by Maroon Five, Memories, and she couldn't get the lyrics out of her head, especially now. She slipped her earbuds in, turned on her iPod, and let the tears flow, not caring who saw her.
She walked aimlessly trying to figure out how to get back to where she was just a few months ago. Between her tears, she started to walk home, but then she remembered, her home was now in DC, she had truly fucked up her life for sure. Rick was gone, her anchor, her life was gone. She thought he would always be there for her; she had managed to chase even him away from her.
Everybody hurts sometimes
Everybody hurts someday, ayy ayy
But everything gon' be alright
Go and raise a glass and say, ayy
Here's to the ones that we got (oh)
Cheers to the wish you were here, but you're not
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories
Of everything we've been through (no, no)
Toast to the ones here today (ayy)
Toast to the ones that we lost on the way
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories (ayy)
And the memories bring back, memories bring back you
(Lyrics from Maroon 5 Memories)
A/N: Serena Kaye will be appearing soon, but the back story of Rick has been requested often, even though we don't have one in Canon, I created my own. Abby as an old friend and proof Rick is a man, not a god, and has needs will help deliver that. I had one reviewer calling me and Rick all kinds of names, for having him get with Abby, ironic that it was KB who lasted less than two weeks before she was in someone's bed.