The Heart Won't Lie

by Castlefan6

Authors Note: This is Totally AU; Beckett has left for D.C and the Feds. This describes the activity of each, during the time away from each other, NO PROPOSAL, before she left, but plenty of ANGST. Can they find their way back to each other, or do they even want to? It blends some Canon dialog, courtesy of Dust Jackets Dot Com, then goes quickly and completely AU. What were each up to during this time, Taking Literary License to fill in the blanks.

A/N: CASKETT ENDING IS NOT GUARANTEED. : CASKETT ENDING IS NOT GUARANTEED.

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create.

Also, we take liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.

Thanks to reader pmt0622 for the prompt:

A CASKETT ENDING IS NOT GUARANTEED.

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Chapter 17

NYPD 12th Precinct

Three Years Later

FLASHBACK 26 Months

Kate had returned from her vacation, actually road trip, and met with Doctor Tony the next day. He was more than pleased with her self-evaluation and continued to work with her for the next two years. Currently, she saw him once a quarter, or sooner if she needed, but he was proud of the progress she had made.

She had met Lanie, now no longer engaged, and Jenny for lunch, and laid her cards on the table, accepting total responsibility. It was still a work in progress, but the relationships had been inching closer and closer to the old days. The one caveat, Espo was back with Lanie, but this time he had proposed. He knew just how close he had come to losing her, and the morale of the 12th had increased tremendously with the new Kate back in her position.

She still worked long hours, but she made time for Sarah Grace's plays, concerts, and other events, even if she was still in primary school Auntie Kate was in the front row, always with a small bouquet of flowers for her God Daughter. Things had returned to normal for the boys and her, especially since the three ladies were working things out, even the Old Haunt on Friday's when possible had returned, and Kate now attended, thankful for the good times she had enjoyed with Rick.

She had even had started dating again last year, progressing to as far as pre-engaged with a handsome Military Officer, but broke things off when he wanted more. Everyone knew there was only one man for her, no matter what either said, neither would ever be complete without the other. She had written letters to Rick, Gina, and Serena once she had returned, and had them approved by Dr. T, she wanted everyone that she had harmed to know she was truly remorseful, and only wished them the best.

Gina answered her letter first, a very gracious and kind letter indeed. She remembered what she had written, it had helped her understand her mental lapse during the time of her behavior immediately after moving to DC.

"Kate, if anyone understands Rick and how deeply he loves and hurts besides you it would be me. I also hurt him, I crossed a line, which is all I'm going to say, and I knew our love wasn't strong enough to survive it, so I tried to shift blame to him. It was a terrible mistake, one I regret to this day, and I'm thankful that he is as forgiving as he is loving, or I would still be seeing the shrink five times weekly.

"I know you wrote him a letter along with Serena, forgive me but I was in Los Angeles when they arrived working on the Heat films, and if they were anything like the letter I received, I think with time, he can forgive you. I know Serena already has, she knew that the love haze as she called it had caused you to get tunnel vision, and do things you would never do before. She even told Rick that the encounter with your boss wasn't rebound sex, it was revenge sex because he had ended things. You lashed out from a distance the only way you knew how even if you didn't know the terminology of your actions.

"I know you love Rick, more than anyone, and I also know that you are living with what you did each day. You asked for my forgiveness, you were already forgiven, Kate. I've been where you're at, and without a lot of help, I wouldn't be where I am today. I had one advantage over you, I was Alexis's choice for her Mom, which made Rick more acceptable to forgiveness.

"Please know that we are all pulling for you, not only in your career but for your happiness, I found mine in Henry, my new husband, two years ago. Rick walked me down the aisle since my Dad was gone, talk about a headline, she had inserted two smiley face emojis'.

"Rick seems content, at least from a distance he has become much more private about her personal life, but he's in good physical shape, and seems to be healthy and happy. Keep going the way you're going and perhaps you can at least restore a friendship, at least that's what we all want. It's not like Rick to hold grudges, regardless of the hurt,

Best of Luck,

Gina,"

Gina's letter was in her forever chest, paper clipped to the last letter from Mike Royce. She knew that she had done everything she could to earn forgiveness, and Rick was the last one she was yet to hear from. Serena had replied about two months after Gina, with a kind reply also.

She had been caught off guard when she returned from a late-night working a grueling case, one in which she had heard at least ten times, "I wish Castle was here, this is right up his alley." The truth was she wished he was there more than anyone knew, not only for the case but this would have been their 4th anniversary of being a couple, perhaps even a married couple by now if she hadn't blown it.

She stopped by her mailbox, her prepared meal purchased from the bodega two doors down, a cup of Earl Grey tea, coffee had lost all its flavor for her, in her hands causing her to struggle to keep the tea in the cup and the food in the container as she opened her apartment door. She dropped her keys, and set the meal down on the counter, then locked her service weapon in the gun safe, and prepared for her evening ritual.

She would eat the cardboard tasting meal, no matter what she bought, chicken parmesan or turkey ala king, it all tasted the same. She ate out of habit now to keep from getting headaches and losing any more weight, as she reviewed her mail, mostly junk, with offers for credit cards, sales for pre-paid burial policies, and extended car warranties for a car she never owned.

Today, she fumbled through the mail and noticed a lady's handwriting, not Gina or Paula's she knew their style, but one very deliberate, yet feminine. She glanced at the return address, it was the same zip code where Rick lived, but it wasn't his street address unless he had moved. She decided to eat, before opening the letter, as she tossed the remainder of the mail containing her once-in-a-lifetime offers in the garbage.

She always listened to the entertainment news, or a similar program, the regular news just reminded her of what she had left at the precinct, she wanted an escape not a repeat of misery. Somedays she got lucky and saw actual live footage of Rick and Serena as they attended this charity ball or a fund-raising dinner, but that wasn't the reason she watched, no, not at all.

Today's show was all about some actress joining some daytime talk show she paid little attention to. She had watched about ten minutes of the show when she was home after having some oral surgery done, it was more painful to watch than her root canal. She flipped the channel to watch the low lights of the Yankees losing in a big way, and by this time she had finished all she could of the contents of the container masquerading as real food. She tossed it in the garbage, and finished her tea, Lanie had turned her on to this brand, right after they had started working their way back as friends.

Now was time to open the letter, she knew it was probably from Serena, but she held little hopes of it being courteous at all, especially after the treatment she had directed her way years ago on the first jewelry case they had worked. It got even worse after she witnessed her kissing Rick in the hallway, and she didn't need Espo to remind her that there had been tongue involved in the kiss.

She slid her finger under the flap and let the beautiful stationery, embossed jewelry of all types were on the paper, fitting for Serena and their introduction. She smoothed the pages out and began to read.

"Dear Detective Beckett, or Kate,

"I've heard you referred to as Kate when Rick and I first met, but the last few years, it's been the Detective so I really am at a loss as to how to address you. You signed your letter to me with simply a K so I'm sure you want more than an initial in our correspondence.

"With that said, please pardon me, but I'm addressing you as Kate since this letter is a woman-to-woman response. The woman who still owns the majority of his heart, that would be you Kate, and the woman he loves and is trying to love more each day. I'm not a fool, and I'm not blind, nor am I upset with Rick, he's giving me all that he can.

"He once told me the heart wants what the heart wants, and he's correct, but that doesn't mean that the heart forgets what it wanted originally, even with someone trying desperately to fill the void left. That would be me, Kate, I won't get into details but I'm happy with what I have, I know I'll never be you, hold your share of his heart, and I'm fine with that, I'll gladly take whatever he gives me, and try to earn more.

"I can happily say, we've both been totally honest with each other, even when the answer to the question was hurtful to, he or I. I'm just trying to provide the shelter, love, and admiration for the wonderful man I'm fortunate enough to call my boyfriend.

"Boyfriend may sound juvenile to you, but he's not ready for the next step, and I won't force him into anything more than he is ready for. Healing, as you've probably found out the hard way is a long, hard process, regardless of who was at fault. The pain is the same, it doesn't recognize the origin, only the tears that are shed at the sound of a song, the glimpse of an old photograph, or somedays just a memory you can't shake from creeping into your mind.

"Please, believe me, Kate, I don't wish you ill will, I have heard you've worked very hard on yourself, and for that I say congratulations. Regardless of who or when life presents someone in your life, I think you're ready to approach them with the proper attitude about what it means to share your life with someone. It's not always easy, there are days I wish I could crawl into his mind and wipe away the hurt I see, and know he's still going through, I can't and all I can do is hurt with and for him.

"I never asked Rick what you said in your letter to him, it's none of my business but it did surprise us both. Gina was in Los Angeles on business when they arrived and was as surprised as we were. Rick took his to his office, and I never inquired what he had done with it. I honestly can't tell you if he read, trashed it, or it remains unopened on his desk. We have both business, and personal boundaries we respect, that is a line I won't cross.

"Regardless of what you wrote, thank you for taking the time, and making yourself vulnerable. As I said Gina was here, and her mail arrived two days later forwarded from New York. She was impressed at the change you have shown and became almost a cheerleader for your forgiveness. I'm guessing she was guilty of some of the things you did and would love a do-over as we all do sometimes in life.

"To be perfectly honest with you, I think sometimes Gina has more influence on Rick than I, or even perhaps you had, he trusts her which is something I had to earn. It was hard after he had been misled as many times as he had been, but I can tell you it was worth it. Even now seeds of doubt will creep into his mind, I had to understand it's not me, it's just his experience that is scaring him into that lack of trust.

"I don't know what was said to Rick in your letter, and I won't advocate for your forgiveness from him, it wouldn't mean anything unless he is ready to forgive anyway. I will say that I forgave you a long time ago. I don't think there is a woman alive that hasn't been in your shoes, perhaps not as deeply, but in similar situations and wished for another chance.

"Kate, please believe me when you read the next line, it is the absolute truth. Even as much as I care and love Rick, I will walk away today, IF he will be happier with you or anyone else. I want his happiness more than I do my own, and I think you're now in a position to understand that premise. I know you weren't when we met the first time, even though Rick was as much in love with you then, as he is now.

"In closing, I have no idea what the future will bring for Rick and me, only that I'm the happiest I've ever been, and don't need anything further than he and I being together. I hold no animosity towards you, and I do wish you happiness, the world is too big to travel through it alone Kate. Please try to find your travel mate,

All the Best,

SK"

Kate had been dabbing at her eyes as she had read the direct, poignant letter, and now as she completed it, the tears fell like a spring shower in New York. She didn't hold out much hope that Rick would read, much less reply to her letter, that wasn't why she wrote it.

Doctor Tony had worked with her as they progressed through behaviors she had disguised as reasonable for vague reasons, to the cold hard rules of relationships. None would ever survive long term unless BOTH individuals were having their needs met, which left no room for statements like "It's my life, and "It's my decision, " both were almost automatic relationship killers, if not immediately, then eventually.

She needed cheering up, so she called Jenny to see if Sarah Grace was available for an ice cream date, just her and her Auntie. Jenny could hear the sadness in her voice and allowed her little girl to visit her Auntie, the only source of sunlight Kate had at this period of her life.

FLASHBACK PROGRESS TO SIX MONTHS EARLIER

XxX

Castle's Home, Same Time Frame

Buena Vista Ave, Santa Barbara, CA 93108

Rick was at the studio, working on the final edits on the fourth Nikki Heat movie, but couldn't shrug off a sense of dread. It seemed to follow him like a black cloud, although he was one of the luckiest men alive. He had all the wealth he and his grandkids would ever need, he was working in a field he loved, he had the love of a beautiful woman, wait, Serena seemed a bit off the last few days.

She had just returned last month from visiting her sister Anna in Shorewood Wisconsin, her husband had tragically been killed a month before. Serena took the month and spent it with her family, Rick even flew up twice to meet and visit the family, and support Serena during the funeral.

The two little girls, Hannah and Katrina, were absolute dolls, and Rick fell in love with them immediately. He didn't ask too many questions but Serena wasn't ready to close the case just yet on her brother-in-law's cause of death, blunt force trauma, due to an accident at the construction site that he was managing. He was an Engineer by trade and was managing this site because it had fallen so far behind, they wanted an executive on-site at all times.

Her suspicions proved to be correct, and through her, Rick's firm, and other contacts three Project Managers were found guilty of murdering Brett, her brother-in-law. He had discovered a kickback program that had been the source of both cost and time overruns, and when he approached the three, they set his death up to appear as an accident on the job site.

A guilty verdict and judgment against the three men did little to replace the man who was much more than a husband and dad, he was the backbone of the family. The girls adored him, and Anna seemed to be walking around in a trance, even after Serena had been with her for a full month. Some things you just don't get over. He was feeling that same sense of dread once again,

He pulled into the drive, entered his garage space for his Porsche 911, and quietly made his way to the living room. Serena was standing with his three fingers of single malt, a fire in the fireplace, and his slippers, he knew instantly by the look on her face something was wrong.

"Not that I don't love the attention Serena, but I can tell, just one look, what's wrong Princess?" he asked his fear obvious, and displayed in his voice,

"We need to talk Rick," she said,

"Oh my God, no, those are the four words that every man hopes to never hear from his mate, what did I do wrong? Did I hurt you? We can get through this sweetheart, I promise you." The fear was causing his normally strong voice to crack and falter,

"Rick, there's no easy way to say this, but Anna's dead, she committed suicide this morning and left a letter addressed to me apologizing for her cowardly act, and giving me custody of the girls."

"Oh my God, I had no idea she was in such bad shape, I'm so sorry Serena. I'll make a few calls and Janet will fly us there," he babbled on with something that she couldn't understand until she finally had to call him,

"Rick, Rick, finally she yelled RICK" he looked up back in focus,

"Sweetheart, this is something I have to do alone, I'm sorry, thank you for everything and the offer, but I think it's best if we use this as our springboard. Rick, I know Abby told you the next relationship you entered into would be the REBOUND one, meaning it would allow you to calm your fears, and prepare to look for your soul mate. We both know, you still love Kate, far more than you could ever love me, and eh, eh, don't look at me like that. It's OK, it really is. Tears formed in her eyes but she fought on,

"You gave me everything you had for almost 4 years, you tried every day to erase the memories, Rick, it's OK. I love you; I love you enough to know that you'll be happier with her than me. To put you in the position in raising the two girls with me, I can't do that, I won't do that. This is too much like when we were sent to live with our Grandparents, I won't let them go through what we did.

"I can't have someone with me that I need permission from to make decisions for us, and really Rick, we both know that in relationships you have to be willing to let the other lead once in a while. When it comes to the girls, I'm sorry, that's non-negotiable, and please, don't hate me. It's not that I love them more than I love you. It's just that I won't have anyone go through what Anna and I had to, perhaps that's why she took the road she did" she said sadly, tears streaming from her eyes,

"So, you're saying it's over Serena? I mean it sounds like you already made your plans, and well, I love you enough to let you go, IF that's what YOU want for you. Anything else we can work out, I know we can,"

"Rick, I can't. It's over sweetheart, not because I don't love you, but because I do. I can't risk the chance that someday your love for me turns into hurt and resentment, I know, I know, you don't think that could ever happen, but we both know nothing in life is guaranteed. I'd rather kiss you goodbye and know that I've given you some happiness, than worry every day if I and the girls weren't holding you back." She had tears in her eyes as Rick just held her, hiding his face which had matching tears falling softly on her shoulder,

They held each other the remainder of the evening, as she outlined her plans to sell her home, and move into the home her sister had lived with the girls. She already had the adoption lawyer working on the adoption process, and they were staying with Anna's best friend until Serena could get there.

Rick insisted Janice fly her on his plane, she finally and reluctantly accepted, and they made the plans together. Unusual to say the least when a couple was breaking up, but this was an unusual breakup. He promised to take care of the sale of the home, calling his VP of Real Estate and scheduled the movers to come in tomorrow to start moving her possessions to Minnesota, and her new life as Auntie/Mommy.

They made love one more time, a memory that would have to last them both the rest of their lives, and it was between kisses and tears when she lay consumed on his chest, whispering, "Rick, can you hold me a little longer, I have to remember how this feels a long, long time".

He held her, as she wept, and the morning sun found both of them still embraced, neither had slept. One last shower together, this time there was no hanky panky, and then the car was there to take her to the airport. It was debatable whose heart was breaking more, his or hers as he watched the car disappear out of sight in the distance, and yet he still stood there waving at what was now the girl from yesterday.

TBC

A/N: I wanted a way to end the relationship without killing Serena and the only thing in the world that could convince her to leave him was the care of her two nieces. It was a tough scene to write, often in life, breakups don't have to be the screaming, fanatical, ones to make the biggest impression. The most difficult ones, at least in my life was when two people cared about each other, but some greater outside force wouldn't allow the love to be. We don't think we can live another day, yet we do, and things do get better.