The Heart Won't Lie

by Castlefan6

Authors Note: This is Totally AU; Beckett has left for D.C and the Feds. This describes the activity of each, during the time away from each other, NO PROPOSAL, before she left, but plenty of ANGST. Can they find their way back to each other, or do they even want to? It blends some Canon dialog, courtesy of Dust Jackets Dot Com, then goes quickly and completely AU. What were each up to during this time, Taking Literary License to fill in the blanks.

A/N: CASKETT ENDING IS NOT GUARANTEED. : CASKETT ENDING IS NOT GUARANTEED.

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create.

Also, we take liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.

Thanks to reader pmt0622 for the prompt:

A CASKETT ENDING IS NOT GUARANTEED.

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Chapter 19

Heathcote Rd,

Scarsdale, NY 10583

Castle's New Home

Immediately After Alexis Arrived,

Alexis stood and watched her dad and the woman she had grown to accept as her mom chase each other around the room, finally falling on the floor, tickling each other. It was good to see them both laughing, and she wouldn't interrupt but Richie saw Papaw and started to pitch a fit, causing Rick and Gina both to come rushing to greet their grandson, then their daughter.

"I'm sorry Alexis, we didn't hear you come in," Rick started,

"Yeah, I was feeling sort of down when I arrived and your dad brought up a funny memory that got me out of the blues so I'm sorry to Alexis, that was rude of us," Gina said, trying to straighten her clothes out that had become rumpled in the impromptu wrestling match.

"Hey, I could have watched all day long, but Richie saw his Pawpaw and Nana and had to get to one or both of you" she laughed, "It's great to see you kidding around and laughing like that," she said with a smile.

"I feel much better when I see your Dad, he always seems to find a way to make me laugh," Gina said, as she hugged the girl who had deemed her Mom.

"It'll be OK Mom, I promise you, Dad will help now that he knows, and no I know you two have feelings but not that type, I'm just saying it'll be nice to have him around to lean on." She smiled,

"Thanks, baby, now let me play with my grandson, once pawpaw gets him, he won't share" Gina giggled,

Gina carried Richie downstairs to the customized playroom, now with all his favorite toys, and ceiling lights that spelled his name out in twinkle lights for his night light. Rick hadn't spared any expense in remodeling this room and making it a very personal room for his grandson. He was still too young to appreciate what the room stood for, but he would as he grew.

The visit with Alexis was a great day, Richie grew tired, and Nana Gina got the privilege of giving him his bottle, and putting him down for his nap. Alexis had driven up, since managing a baby on a train, or using a car service wasn't something she wanted her son to get spoiled, or take for granted. All too soon, she was bidding her farewells, leaving Gina and Rick alone to talk.

"OK Genes, do you want coffee or the strong stuff, and by that, I mean, wine or your drink?" Rick asked as he led her to the huge sitting room just off his suite.

"I think I better stay with coffee; you know what three of the Mojitos or four glasses of that wine you were trying to get me to drink will do to me, not that it would take that anyway." She said shyly,

"Gina, we've been through this, really nothing has changed. I kick myself in the ass every time I think I could be sharing a bed with you, then I remember, that it's not fair to you, to me, or really to our futures, whomever they might be." Rick said,

"I know, I'm sorry Rick, it's just I guess I started questioning if I was appealing to any man, once you're cheated on, it does something to your self-confidence." She said as she looked down, when she looked up, she could tell by the look on Rick's face, it was hurtful,

"Oh my God Rick, I'm sorry forgive me, I forgot you went through it with Meredith, I'm so sorry," She said,

"Hey, it's OK, she wasn't the only one," was all he said, then switched topics on her. "You are even more desirable now than you were when we first met. I guess once you see what the present is unwrapped, you don't want to ever wrap it again, I remember many weekends we spent au natural." He smiled,

"Do you really think so Rick, I know it's weird asking my ex-husband that I caused the divorce, but"

"Hey, who says ex-spouses can't be friends, now tell me what happened." He handed her the cup of coffee, and pulled her close to him" he had a pretty good idea, but she needed to get it talked out.

Two hours, a box of tissues, and three cups of coffee, then two Mojitos later Rick had gotten her story, and allowed her to cry herself out. He simply held her, as she cried, then let her continue, and listened patiently. He never offered any words until she was completely finished with her story.

"First, Genes, I'm sorry, you were made to feel so low, no one deserves to be made to feel that way. I know you begin to question what did you do wrong, but that's an easy answer, NOTHING, NADA, NOT A DAMN THING. You trusted someone and he misled you, it happens to all of us. It feels like your heart has been ripped from your chest, thrown on the pavement, and trampled by a caravan of tanks, at least mine did.

"You think it'll never get better, but it does. You know when we split, it had already all played out emotionally, we were just too stubborn to let go, but there was never any doubt of the love we shared. I never meant to hurt you, and I know, stop, don't say a word, I know in your heart you would never knowingly hurt me." Rick said softly,

Gina laid her head on his shoulder, "Thank you, Rick, you're a hell of a lot more forgiving than I would have been, but thank you. Maybe it was partially my fault, he said something that he could never compare to you, maybe I did hold him to your standard, and he failed that miserably." She got out between sniffles,

"Or, he was looking for an excuse to allow his conscience to be clean, to excuse his own bad behavior. We can always justify things if we look hard enough" Rick said softly, as he gently held her.

"Oh, God, you're right Rick, he never brought the issue up about being compared to you until after he had started the affair, that son of a bitch, he had me thinking that I caused it. I'm such a fool" she cried,

"Gina, everybody is somebody's fool at least once in their lives, so let it go, you know the truth, so live your life. I'll bet you that he gets dumped before the year is out." He said. She didn't need to know that his Private Investigation Company had already furnished his ex-wife's 2nd ex-husband's mistress with pictures, that may or may not have been altered ever so slightly.

FLASH FORWARD TWO WEEKS

They coincided with legitimate business trips he had made and even included landmarks of the hotels he had spent his business trips at. There was no need for her to question the pictures, hell they looked real, which made them real in her eyes when she put everything together. Once a cheater, always a cheater, she thought as she threw his clothes and personal belongings into the middle of the street just a few short weeks later.

He had been caught off guard, he thought he could prove his innocence, but she wasn't having it. He was forced to call Gina for a loan, he had no cash, and their joint accounts had been frozen, so he couldn't even eat. Gina would have the last laugh, as she told him that he didn't have enough collateral, and he was a bad risk. An envelope showed up mysteriously with 2 $100 bills in it, that was the extent of his mercy for someone who had hurt someone he still cared about.

CURRENT TIME

"Why don't we change the subject Gina, I mean we have the launch of the movie, Final Heat coinciding with our book tour here in New York, here in a few weeks. I'm sure Paula would love any excuse to visit," he smiled,

"That's really a good idea, I guess I've been so busy feeling embarrassed, and sorry for myself, I let some of the major details slip. I'm sorry, that's a fantastic idea. I do have one confession to make Rick, and please don't hate me, I mean, you know I love you and only want what's best for you.

"Serena told me you promised her to be courteous to Kate if she contacted you, she did. She asked me to deliver this letter to you, and if you wished to toss it in the trash she would understand." Gina said softly,

"When did you and Kate see each other? I mean, it's none of my business, but it's surprising, to say the least." Rick said, more surprised than upset,

"Remember Sara Grace's graduation to middle school, you were tied up, and wanted me to represent you at the party and ceremony? Kate was there, she really has become Auntie Kate to that little girl, and we were talking afterward.

"We stopped for a drink at the Haunt afterward, as she encouraged me about my divorce, and finally asked me to do her a favor once I mentioned you were moving back to New York." Gina said, shyly, I didn't think you could keep that secret especially from a cop."

"I didn't know she would be in your circle, but that explains the connection, I'm not angry, just surprised. Kevin called me and asked me to speak with her, then Jenny called, followed by Lanie, the only one who hasn't is Esposito and Perlmutter, so I'm not surprised she asked you to deliver the letter. Kate was always good at getting what she needed out of people" he said with a little bitterness,

"Rick, I think you're being a little judgmental, how long has it been now, almost four years? People do change, really, she has worked hard at not being the old Kate, at least from what I've seen.

"I don't know the pain you went through, but I do know that the man I married, fell in love with, and still love isn't capable of this depth of hatred. She hurt you, Rick, it's not a secret, but you've said you don't hate her anymore, only what she did.

"Is that true, or was that just you telling yourself something to get through the day? It's a letter Rick, not a marriage proposal, no matter what people did to hurt you in the past, including me, you've always given us a chance to earn your forgiveness, why not Kate?" Gina asked as she held an envelope in her hand.

"I'm tired Gina, I think the time zone change is still messing with my system, I think I'm going to turn in. Can you do me a favor and contact Paula and set up the planning meeting out here? I really don't want to go to the city, at least not yet." He said as he took the letter and walked away.

"I'll take care of the meeting with Paula, and we'll have the draft worked out by the time she arrives. I hope you get some rest, and Rick, "I'm sorry to stir up old hurts, but it's clear to everyone you still love her. You don't have to be a mind reader to see it, so please, think about what is the right thing to do, please?" she kissed his cheek, and walked away.

XxX

Rick's Suite,

Rick was shocked to have a letter from Kate delivered by hand by his ex-wife, when had they gotten so close? Gina's words had hit their mark, why hadn't he forgiven Kate as he had Gina, were the sins so different? Hell, Gina was his wife, Kate, at the time was still working on it.

He poured himself three healthy fingers of his single malt whiskey, not nearly enough to even give him a buzz, but something to take the shakes away as he opened a letter from, what, who, a woman that he was going to propose to before she blew his world apart with Eric Vaughn, the lie, interview and finally job offer. The subject of so many therapy sessions, God Bless Abby and her patience, and what now? He hoped she didn't want to start to rehash everything.

He was on tour for three weeks for the last of her, well in books anyway, and the movie was coming out in less than two weeks later. He was looking forward to putting the pen down, locking his notes and several happy ending novels away in a time safe, not to be opened until ten years after he had left this earth. He had finally reached a point where he was over her, at least he told himself that.

Serena knew, Abby knew, and Gina knew that he had worked so very hard to purge the memories and feelings. Sometimes the heart doesn't get what the heart wants and it's up to its owner to make it happy taking an alternate path. Gina's words rang in his ears, "It's a letter Rick, not a marriage proposal" she was correct. It was just a letter; it wasn't going to change anything.

He downed the three fingers, feeling the burn in the back of his throat, and sat down at his desk, opened the letter, and prepared for the worst. He picked up the remote for his wall-to-wall sound system and hit play, not knowing what song was coming on. He enjoyed a variety of music and often dabbled across many genres and was immediately sorry. Out came the beautiful voice of Ronnie Dunn, singing his theme song for the first year or so, It's getting Better All The Time,

I don't stop breathin' every time the phone rings
My heart don't race when someone's at my door
I've almost given up thinkin' you're ever gonna call
I don't believe in magic anymore
I just don't lie awake at night,
Askin' God to get you off my mind

It's gettin' better all the time,
It's gettin' better all the time

Yeah, I got to work on time again this mornin'
This old job is all that I got a left
And no one even noticed I'd been cryin'
But, at least I don't have whiskey on my breath
Yeah, I think I'm gonna make it
'Cause God won't make a mountain I can't climb

It's gettin' better all the time,
It's gettin' better all the time

God, I hope you're happy
Girl, I wish you well
I just might get over you
You can't ever tell

He started to hit the remote to advance the song, but then stopped, that had been then, this is now. She really didn't have the same hold on him, not anymore. He wasn't lying when he told Gina, he didn't hate her, just what she had done, what she had thrown away not only for herself but for the both of them. How many times had he heard that last line, and thought he would never get over her? He had come a long way; a lot farther than one letter was ever going to undo.

He opened the envelope and slid the papers on his desk, he noticed she chose a very plain stationery, none that he had gifted her, or that had meaning to either of them. Her handwriting was still just as neat, precise, and distinguishable as ever. He smoothed them out, making sure they were in numerical order, she always had noted the page number in the upper right corner, unusual, but her trait.

He took a deep breath and began to read her lines, trying to stamp the hurt and anger out of his feelings, it was going to be a battle for sure.

"Dear Rick,

"If you're reading this, Gina's convinced you are over the hatred for me enough to read this letter with an open mind, something you always were able to do. While I grasped onto a concept, you were always willing to look for an alternate reason, perhaps that's what made you so valuable to the precinct.

"I'm not going to talk about the good old days, we both know they were far from good for you. I spent a great deal of time with Doctor Tony, and although it took me quite a while, I think I found out where I was wrong. Doctor Burke had hinted, but Dr. T, well you know his style, told me flat out his assessment.

"Let's start closer to the beginning if you'll let me. I love you, Rick, I have loved you for years, but I know I hurt you badly, even worse than anyone else. I'm sorrier for the pain I caused than I could ever describe, I have to live with it. Doctor T let me know that you didn't walk away from me to punish me, you had to survive and had reached the depths of what even you could take, which was more than ten times any other man.

"I won't bring up the past except where I need to make things right. You gifted me round-trip first-class tickets to anywhere in the world when I was with Motorcycle Boy, I let you believe that he and I used them the year we went to Hawaii, we didn't. I never told you, we used his points. That was a lie I carried forward to even when we were together, please forgive me.

"Why do I bring this up now? Because I finally used them, at least one of the tickets. I was alone and went to the Virgin Islands to work on the journal assignment for Doctor T. I'm sure you know the assignment, and I did get a laugh when he used your words 'the universe' I could almost picture your smile.

"I'm sorry, I digressed, what is important is that by completing that assignment, I understand your position through our entire association, for the very first time. I never, and I'm embarrassed to admit that I felt this way, especially after confessing my love to you, finally, and telling you that you were all I wanted.

"I never thought for a second, how my actions would impact you, or to quote Dr. T, "the emotional currency you would need to spend to offset the hurt," He was correct Rick, and when I finally saw what I had done, it amplified my shame, and my hurt, FOR you, not myself, hell, I deserve anything I get. I know the week I left for DC was one of your toughest, and if I had thought for one second that you were hurting, rather than you couldn't understand that it was my life, I swear Rick, I would never have gone.

"That leads me to perhaps the most embarrassing moment I need to apologize for, not even two weeks later and I found myself in the bed of my boss. There is no excuse, I accept the responsibility. I will only say that I was miserable, tired, lonely, and missing you so much I could hardly breathe when I fell for the line, yeah the one I thought you tried to feed me when we first met.

"It turned out I did become a notch on a bedpost, not yours, which in hindsight, I wish I had, but someone much worse. I won't go into details but I do want to say how sorry I am for making you feel the hurt and doubt about the relationship between us. I know it had barely been weeks since I fell for Eric Vaughn's same line, I should have known better, hell I shouldn't have put myself anywhere near there.

"I saw you at various events over the last four years, and once I realized what I threw in the trash, hurt each time I thought that it could have been me, first with Abby, then Serena. I'm sorry that things didn't end the way you had hoped for with either of them. Serena and Gina have been a source of girl power, picking me up in some pretty low times.

"I know you didn't know but they didn't want to see me hurt as deeply as I hurt you, they were picking up the pieces and trying to be there for you and still trying to help me. They are both very remarkable women Rick, you already knew that, but I know some of their hearts came from being with you.

"Doctor Tony suggested I go back to music to express my feelings, it helps and I'm not sure what genre you listen to, hell, I never asked, again I'm so sorry. The song that has been getting me through each time I see you, is a duet, the words hit me in the heart every time. It's silly, I don't even know its name but the words go;

Looking back over the years
Of all the things I've always meant to say
But the words didn't come easily
So many times through empty fears
Of all the nights I tried to pick up the phone
So scared of who might be answering

You try to live your life from day to day
But seeing you across the room tonight
Just gives me away

'Cause the heart won't lie
Sometimes life gets in the way
But there's one thing that won't change
I know I've tried
The heart won't lie
You can live your alibi
Who can see you're lost inside a foolish disguise
The heart won't lie

"It's true Rick, I've tried to live a lie, or as the song says my alibi, but my heart won't lie. It's you, it's always been you. I know that I have about as much chance to regaining your friendship, not even considering anything more, as pigs flying in from the south tonight.

"You're probably wondering if I already know, then why take the time to write this. It's because I want you to know, to hear it from me if that's at all possible sometime in the future, just how very sorry I am. It was like turning on a light after I completed working with Doctor T. If only I would have agreed as you had suggested, I can't go back, no matter how much I wish I could.

"I promised Gina and Serena both, that I would keep this brief, well as brief as possible. I only have one wish left in life Rick; I think you know what it could be but in case you don't. I wish I could spend one more evening, go out to dinner in a nice place, maybe even include dancing, but have the opportunity to speak to you face to face.

"If that opportunity never comes, then I'll be forever grateful for the memories you've given me of a man who loved me when no one should have. Thank you for that, thank you for everything, my number is the same Rick, and my business card is enclosed since you probably deleted my contact information. I hope to hear from you if I don't then know you are loved and will be forever,

Always,

Kate,"

TBC

A/N: Be honest, how many of you saw Gina and Rick getting back together? Red Herring, but Caskett still isn't guaranteed, Tim