Thirteen: Ten Years Later -
Special Agent Katherine Beckett Davidson nervously stood in the line along with what felt like the entire female population of Alexandria Virginia waiting for her chance like all of the others. After nearly a decade, it was his triumphant return with with what the critics all seemed to agree, his finest work. As the line slowly moved towards her goal, the anxiety she felt grew as well.
The oversized dark glasses served as her only form of camouflage. There were enough changes made to her appearance over the last decade that further forms of subterfuge seemed unnecessary. Gone were the shoulder length straight sable locks, replaced with a curly, longer, honey brown mane. The designer jeans, jacket, and signature 4 inch heels replaced with a conservative charcoal colored suit, and sensible two inch heels. She looked every bit like the serious professional that she was, yet as the line inched forward she felt her doubts about this idea multiply.
The surreptitious looks that she was able to make towards the table where he was sitting confirmed that he had changed as well. After dropping out of the public's eye years ago, she was surprised by what she saw. He had lost a considerable amount of weight and the perfect quaffed hair that he had been so proud of replaced with a short, low maintenance spiky do. The weight loss showed on his face as well with his features more chiseled looking than she remembered. What surprised her the most was the thick framed glasses he wore that somehow made him look even more distinguished.
By now she was close enough to see how he interacted with his fans with all of the charm that she remembered. He was as appreciative of them as they were of him and it showed. She could only hope that he would react the same way to her.
Finally standing before him, she slides the copy of his novel she had under her arm. He looks at her with a smile, obviously not recognizing her and smoothly inquires. "And to whom do I make this out to?"
"Kate. Could you make it out to Kate?" She shyly requests, wishing she was anywhere but where she was at that moment.
While he may not have recognized her from her appearance, he would never forget the sound of her voice. The smile falters for a brief moment as he truly looks at her. Taking the proffered book, he opens it and quickly begins writing something inside with his Sharpie. Closing the book, he slides it back to her and remarks with what she knew was his public appearance smiles. "Enjoy the book Kate."
While she didn't expect to be greeted with open arms, his treatment of her as if she was nothing more than one of the other fans there hurt more than she ever considered. Stunned, she picks up the book and walks towards the exit. Once outside, she cautiously opens the book, having no idea what he would have written. Reading his inscription, she fights back all of the feelings buried for a decade.
'To the lovely Kate, may you be blessed with the happiness you deserve. Richard Castle.'
Wiping the tear that had somehow made its way down her cheek, she clutches the book to her chest as if it were something precious. She had to speak to him, to free herself of these feelings she still had after all these years.
Glancing at her father's wristwatch, which only served as another reminder of Rick's kindness, she knew that his session would not be over for at least another hour. Emboldened by his kind words, she decides to kill some time with a walk and return to see him as he was about to leave.
It was nearly two hours later when an employee of the bookstore explained that Rick had other appointments and apologized to the few fans still in line, offering them pre autographed copies of the novel in exchange. A visibly weary Richard Castle rose from his seat and thanked everyone for coming. He quickly made his way to the back of the store, towards the employee exit, stopping to thank those who were there. Seeing his exit strategy, Kate makes her way out of the store and around the back for her chance. Exchanging pleasantries with one of the staff as he finally made his way out the door, she quietly traversed the distance between them. He turns to see her standing only a few feet away, sighs, and offers a tepid greeting with a wan smile. "Special Agent Davidson. Imagine seeing you again. Back to bring me in for questioning?"
Kate has to smile at the memory of their first official encounter at his book party. That smile fades as she remembered how she treated him as if he was the character that the general public was led to believe, flashing her badge and demanding that he come in to answer questions about the Tisdale murder.
"No, nothing like that. I just wanted to thank you for the beautiful inscription in my book." Kate shyly replies, not sure what else to say.
"You're welcome." He replies as he glances at his watch and scans the lot in search of the car and driver waiting for him.
"Did you mean it?" The words escape from her lips before she could stop herself.
"Every word of it. I always thought of you as beautiful. You knew that. And I only ever wanted to see you happy." He solemnly replies, somewhat surprised that she would have to ask. Sighing, he gestures towards the black limousine that was approaching and remarks. "There's my ride. It was nice to see you again."
Realizing that this may be her last chance, she quickly counters. "Do you have a few minutes for an old friend? There's a coffee shop down the street a little ways. Maybe share a cup or two?"
Rick gives her a puzzled look in response. He honestly never felt like her friend, at least not how he thought of those that he considered friends. Coworker, tag along, coffee supplier, court jester, but never friend were more appropriate descriptors of his time with her, regardless of what he wanted. The evidence spoke for itself, every gesture rebuffed, every attempt to become more than coworkers not only rejected, but ridiculed as well. No, they were never friends.
How he wished Jennifer was here to assure him that his feelings were justified. But she wasn't. It had been nearly five years since he laid to rest the woman he believed with all of his heart was his 'third times a charm'. After her death from an aneurysm, he had spent the next three years living in a self imposed exile, blaming himself for what happened in spite of what the doctors had told him.
He might have continued to languished in his own morose thoughts were it not for Jenkins. It appeared that one of his prep school buddies had somehow gotten involved with a terrorist group and was willing to provide critical information regarding their plans in exchange for immunity. There was a catch, he would only meet with someone that he knew and trusted.
When the CIA learned that he knew Rick from prep school, it was decided that Agent Rodgers was needed to serve his country for one last time. Of course Rick balked at the idea until they convinced him that he was the only one that could prevent a possible terrorist attack on the country. The risks mattered little to him with Jennifer dead and twelve hours later he was on a C130 transport to Thailand.
Holed up in an Agency black site, retrieving his former debate team partner was anything but routine and they had to fight their way back to the airport. The experience was eye opening for him and he realized he was good at something again. The agency was more than happy to bring him back and the next year was spent running ops in South America.
A bullet to the leg and a case of Dengue fever ended his return to the CIA for good. It did inspire him to return to his first love, writing and his experiences provided him with a new character. He had ended the Nikki Heat series after the second novel and settled out of court with Black Pawn for breach of contract. He knew that his desire to write was gone and he was oddly happy about it. Now, he was feeling the need to put the ideas in his head to paper.
Six weeks later, the novel was complete and every major publishing house in the country was vying for the chance to have the Poe's Pen lifetime achievement award winner as part of their stable. Given the way things ended between he and Black Pawn, their offer was summarily rejected in spite of the huge bonus they offered. Money mattered little to Rick as his financial advisors had left him and several generations that followed secure. He ended up giving the rights to a small publisher that would benefit the most from his signing with them.
Now, he was standing before another one of the women from his past that found him lacking in some way. With Kyra, it was his social status, Meredith, it was his inability to look the other way as she made her way through every casting director's couch in the city. With Gina, it was her inability to separate her role as his editor and his wife, or should he say his inability to accept being treated as an employee rather than a spouse.
But Kate was the mystery that he never solved. At first, he wanted to believe that she rejected him because he wasn't a cop and there was a mountain of evidence to support that theory. In his mind it was far too simple to be the entire story. No, there had to be more and standing before him was his chance to finally get some closure.
She could only watch anxiously as he seemed to be considering her offer. The silence from him seemed to be a good sign as he hadn't rejected her offer immediately, but with each passing second that hopefulness began to wan.
"I've got an 8:00 pm dinner reservation at the Serenity Inn. You're welcome to meet me there and we can have a quiet meal?" Rick offers as he looks towards the limo driver as he patiently waits.
She considers the offer, knowing that this could be her last chance and glances at her watch. If she made good time to her apartment she could change into something more appropriate for a diner in one of the most exclusive eateries in the DC area. "I'd love to. I'll see you there." She replies with a smile and turns to leave before either of them could back out.
Kate arrives at the restaurant a few minutes before eight dressed in a plum colored cocktail dress that proved beyond a doubt that she was as beautiful as she was the last time she saw him. She identified herself to the hostess who informed her that her 'date' was waiting at the bar for her. Entering the bar filled with foreign dignitaries and the most powerful people in the country, she spots him sitting by himself, nursing what appeared to be a single malt, his drink of choice.
The well tailored and obviously expensive suit he was wearing only made him appear more handsome than her original observation. She can't help but smile as the look on his face upon seeing her confirmed that she had chosen the right outfit. It had been a long time since she had felt this way and she wondered for what had to the millionth time how she had let him go.
Taking a seat in the chair beside him, she coyly remarks. "My, my, you really are ruggedly handsome."
Her remark results in a chuckle from him that eases the tension between them and he replies. "I always knew you were beautiful, but seeing you in that dress..."
The sincerity in his voice as he complimented her and the way he looked at her reminded her of how she reacted to him a decade earlier. Why couldn't she return those sentiments then? Rather than dwell on the past, she simply thanked him for the compliment. The bartender takes her drink order as Rick declines a refill.
Deciding to start a conversation on a safe topic, she remarks. "I can't wait to read your novel. The reviews have all said that this is your best work."
He offers a sad smile in response and replies. "Thank you. The critics have been kind to me."
"You know, I've read every one of your novels at least twice." Kate counters, hoping to keep their conversation going and on safe topics.
"My condolences to you then. A few of them even I wouldn't read twice." Rick replies and stares at the partially filled tumbler of single malt in his hand.
They both smile at his remark and the hostess appears to tell them that their table is ready. Rising up from his seat he extends his hand to her as she slips down from the barstool and they walk to the dining room. The decor of the room screamed opulence and the two were lead to a quiet table in the far corner. Thanking the hostess, he held the chair for Kate as she was seated. He moved around the small table and took the seat facing her.
Less than a minute later the waiter appeared, discussing the specials of the day and the wine selection. Rick ordered a bottle of red that was very close to the one he had given her as a housewarming gift years earlier. As the waiter walked away, he stops and remarks. "You'll have to excuse me. I assumed that you still like the same wine that you used to. I can call the waiter back if you'd like something different."
"No, that's fine Cas, I mean Rick." She quickly responds, nearly referring to him as if they were still coworkers.
"So how did the best detective in the NYPD end up becoming a Special Agent for the Attorney General?" Rick inquires, genuinely curious to hear her story.
"After the arrest of Bracken and his cohorts things were in turmoil everywhere. It turned out you were right about Bracken having someone keeping an eye on me with Montgomery gone. My new lead detective, John Marcum was one of the people from Internal Affairs that were arrested during the original takedown. While Gates, my new Captain, was never implicated, Marcum and two other former direct reports were. The fact that she apparently had no idea did not bode well for her and a month later she was given the two two after Roy had left."
Kate couldn't help but smile as she remembered Gates informing the people at the twelfth of her transfer. Of course she tried to make it sound as if it was the challenge that she desired, but everyone knew that she was being punished just like Roy.
"With my former lead facing Federal conspiracy charges, they gave me my old job back. Kevin had taken over Karpowski's team, so we were a man short. Tom Demming was transferred to homicide and placed on my team..." She chuckles before continuing. "Of course Tom thought that he could pick up where we left off before I ended things, but I quickly put him in his place. Needless to say, things went downhill from there and fast. Without the blinders that I wore when we were dating, I saw just how incapable he was as a homicide detective. Within a month he had requested a transfer back to the robbery division."
"Anne Hastings was named as his replacement and proved herself to be an excellent detective. It took a while for Espo to adjust to the new team dynamic, but we quickly found a rhythm and our closure numbers began to rise again. The new Captain was another desk jockey who only cared about numbers and we were given excellent performance reviews in return."
"Things had settled into a new normal for me, but I still held out hope that there was a chance for me to make amends for the way things ended between us. But then I learned that Jennifer had quit the force and you two were engaged..."
Kate paused for a moment as the memory still effected her before continuing. "I still wouldn't accept the fact that you were gone until I received the wedding invitation. I'm sorry that I didn't come..."
"I met Josh at a biker charity event. He was a heart surgeon at NYUMC and spent a great deal of time offering his services to Doctors Without Borders. His dedication to helping others drew him to me. We began dating and by the end of the year we were living together. His time out of the country never bothered me at first, but I began to see no future with Josh and decided to end things."
"He seemed surprised to hear that I wasn't happy with our relationship and promised that he would cut back on his trips if I would give him a chance. He kept his word and six months later we were engaged. After we were married, the pull of his old habits started to take its toll on him. Within a year, he had made two, two week trips to Africa."
"Things at work had settled into a comfortable routine and we were able to maintain one of the highest closure rates in the city. We picked up a case where a military drone was commandeered by a hacker and used to kill. Once we started getting close, the Feds swooped in and took the case from us. I was pissed off and decided to continue to investigate anyway. It turned out that the son of the victim had committed the crime and I let the Feds know as much. The agent in charge rather than admonish me for continuing to investigate, instead suggested that I was destined for bigger things than the NYPD."
"I was asked to fly down to Washington DC to interview for a position on the Attorney General's task force. I figured that nothing would come from it and decided not to tell Josh about it. When he found the boarding pass stub in my jacket pocket he was angry that I didn't at least tell him beforehand. He knew that if I were to take the job our marriage was pretty much over."
"An ugly argument ensued and all of the pent up frustration that I felt about his DWB trips came out. He left that night and the next time I saw him was to receive divorce papers. With my marriage over, and an offer that would get me out of the city, I didn't hesitate. I've been with the AG's office for nearly seven years. It's challenging work and it keeps me busy."
Kate pauses for a moment, pleased that Rick has been listening intently to her and also redacting anything that make this conversation more awkward than what it already was. She can see by his reaction to her story that he knew far more about her than what she thought.
"You're being far too modest. You made lead agent after just a year, Special Agent in Charge after two, and Section Supervisor after four. You were the lead agent in the sting that brought down Secretary of Defense Webb, three congressmen, and multiple defense contractors. Rumor has it that you are on the short list for the Deputy Director's spot." Rick offers matter of factly.
The fact that he had followed her career brought a smile to her face. She shouldn't have been surprised, but Kate had to admit that it gave her hope.
"So any significant other that I'm keeping you away from tonight?" He inquires.
At first, she thought that he was only 'fishing' to find out if she was in a relationship, but there was something about the way he so casually inquired that made her wonder if he knew that answer as well. Knowing that it was her lies that lost him in the first place, she knew that anything less than the truth would be the end for her. "The first year or so after Josh and divorced I was so focused on my job that I had no time for anything but work. I went on a few dates after that, nothing ever developed. I met Brad Conners about three years ago. He was a lobbyist for the pharmaceutical industry and we seemed to hit it off. We moved in together after dating six months and he proposed six months after that. At first, I accepted his proposal and we set the date for the following year…"
She pauses for a moment to gather up her courage to continue. Rick was sitting there listening to every word, giving her one of his best poker faces in response. "But then I heard about Jennifer's death. I knew that it was foolish, but I couldn't follow through with my plans if there was even the smallest of chances for us. So I gave him his ring back and we parted ways."
While his facial expression never changed, she could tell by the look in his eyes that her last statement surprised him. Encouraged, she decides to continue. "I knew it was too soon for you, but I was willing to wait…."
She pauses again, taking a calming breath before continuing. "I started falling in love with you after the frozen girl case. Seeing you as a devoted father, playing laser tag with your daughter, and a devoted son, taking your mother in, proved just how wrong I was about you. I believed the public persona that you created and your actions during our first few cases did nothing to dispel that idea."
"But then your ex appears and you admit that you were still having sex with her, making me reconsider my opinion of you once again. Then we had our first 'date'." Kate holds up her fingers to make air quotation marks and smiles at the memory. "Granted, it was us going undercover to a charity ball, but you made me feel like a princess and I'll always remember it. Your mother was wonderful to me as well, loaning me a necklace that was probably worth a year's salary."
"I actually started to believe that there was a chance for us, but then my ex showed up for kidnapping case. I never really had the closure with Will that I should have and still had feelings for him. I hate to admit it but seeing the two of you jealous over me was a huge ego boost and I acted badly. I should have told you the truth that I only went out with Will to get the closure I needed. For that, I am sorry."
Kate pauses again to take a sip of her drink and see if Rick was sill listening. He was.
"When I learned that you went behind my back and looked into my mother's case, I overreacted, accusing you of betraying me and banishing you from my team. I have to admit I was surprised when you left as we both knew that one call to the mayor by you would have made whatever I wanted pointless."
"When the Cosmo article came along, I was still angry with you, but had been warned by Roy to play nice - or else. When you apologized after the case, I knew that you were sincere and decided to give you another chance. I began to realize that you had become an important member of my team, but to me as well."
"The Coonan case proved how far you would go for those you cared for and what a fool I had been for rejecting your help. If it wasn't for you going behind my back to investigate mom's case there would still be five unsolved cases and her killer would be free. I never thanked you for that or the hundred grand you put up to catch him. When you came to me after the case, telling me that you were leaving because I had to chose between you and Coonan, I knew that you were telling the truth."
"Rather than apologize for how I had treated you, I asked you to stay, telling you that I had a hard job and you made it easier. While it was true, even then I was afraid of losing you. I'd met Kyra and saw that in spite of everything, you still cared for her. I hate to admit it but I was jealous of her and the hold that she still had on you. I was happy when you agreed to stay."
"Things were going well until the Scott Dunn case. I was jealous over the way you acted with Jordan Shaw. I could see the nine year old in you fascinated by the high tech she used and was okay with that. But when you started running theories with her instead of me, I was hurt and angry. I remember you braking down my door and helping me from my tub after my apartment had been bombed by Dunn."
She pauses again and smiles at the memory. "I'll never forget you wrapping me up in your coat, fighting the urge to peek at me. You managed to save not only me, but Shaw as well…"
"Having no home, you opened yours up to me. You and your family made every effort to make me feel welcome… and I did. Seeing you interact with Martha and Alexis only seemed to make me want to be part of it all. And it scared me. I knew that you deserved nothing less than total commitment and as long as the man the ordered Dick Coonan to murder my mother was free, I couldn't do that."
"So I took the cowards way out and moved in with Lanie, never telling you why. I knew that you were hurt, but you never said anything. Things seemed to return to normal until you hooked up with Ellie Monroe. We weren't dating and I had no right to say anything, but I couldn't help but feel hurt. I knew that I had real feelings for you and I'm ashamed to admit it, but I was happy to learn that she had only been using you to get a role in the Nikki Heat movie."
"Tom came along and I saw him as a way to make you feel the same jealousy that I did seeing you with Ellie. When you didn't go all green eyed monster about it and backed away, I should have stopped. I began to wonder if you felt about me the way I hoped you did and acted like a teenager, amping up my interest in Tom. While you weren't jealous of him, he clearly felt threatened by you and began to criticize your contributions to our team. I heard everything that he said and did nothing to stop him, in fact I couldn't help but pile on myself. Saying that I'm sorry now for how I acted seems too little, too late, but I am truly sorry Rick."
"Guys like Demming never bothered me. I'd dealt with assholes like him my entire life. I knew that he felt threatened by my presence but never let it effect my willingness to help. What did hurt was when you told me that I could watch while the 'real' cops interrogated the suspect. The suspect that one of my 'stupid' theories led you to." Rick interrupts, speaking without emotion as if he was merely stating the facts.
"Even after that, I still believed that you wanted me there on your team. When Roz introduced me to Jennifer, there was no master plan on my part than to do anything more than to have a pleasant lunch. They decided to be a little flirty with me to try and get a rise out of you. Even an idiot like me figured out what they were up to and things would have ended with lunch, but then you made sure that I truly understood how little you thought of me and my contributions to your team."
"After your apparent indifference to the idea of me leaving, I knew that I could never return to the twelfth. I was going to resign and return to the life I had before meeting you. But then fate, destiny, whatever you want to call it, stepped in with Jennifer. I still had feelings for you. Deep feelings. Hell, I thought that I was in love with you. That's what made your indifference about me going hurt that much worse."
Kate can't help but gasp at his profession of love for her and could see by the look in his eyes as he spoke that he still bore the scars from the wound. She starts to interrupt, but stops as he holds up his hand and continues.
"But I had learned from Kira, Meredith, and Gina that being in love with someone isn't enough to sustain a relationship. Real love comes from mutal respect, something none of them ever gave me. Your actions told me that you may have enjoyed my presence on your team, but you had no respect for me otherwise…"
Rick pauses for a moment, raking his fingers through his still thick, but now peppered with grey hair and sighs. "I guess I ought to thank you. If you hadn't taken up with Tom and treated me the way you did, I would have never met Jennifer. She knew how I felt about you and let me move at my own pace. It didn't take long for me to realize that she was willing to give me the one thing I needed that none of you were able to provide - respect."
"When you came to me asking for my help, I knew that it was what I needed to give you closure. So I did. Jennifer never hesitated to help because she knew it was important to me. Once we put Bracken and his cronies away, I had hoped you had the closure you needed to finally give all of yourself to someone."
He pauses as their waiter serves them their entrees, thanking him. He smiles and begins to eat, knowing that their talk has been put on hold for at least a few minutes. Kate feigns a small smile and begins to poke at her meal. Rick watches and can't help but sigh, realizing that some things about her never changes.
She sees his reaction and inquires. "What?"
"I was just thinking about how you never seem to enjoy whatever you're eating, unless it was a bear claw or a strawberry shake." He replies with a sad smile.
She shrugs and offers a smile in return. "I don't know why, but food never was a big part of my life. I eat when I'm hungry and it seems to be enough."
Rick tries to not show the disappointment to her remarks. It was just another reminder of how special Jennifer was. At least to him. Offering any type of response would serve no purpose, so instead, he returns his attention to the entree before him.
The two finish the main course in near silence. Kate could sense that Rick was in deep thought about something. She wasn't sure if she hoped it was about her. The waiter returned with the desert menu, which they both declined, but agreed to coffees instead.
A few minutes later he returned with their drinks and Kate took an appraising smell as she held to cup in both hands. "You know, I haven't had a really good cup of coffee in over a decade. I tried every coffee shop in the city and most of the ones here in DC and they never came close. There was always something missing. I didn't realize what it was until it was too late." Kate offers while taking a sip from her cup.
Curious to hear her theory, he smiles and inquires. "And what was that?"
"Love. Every cup you brought me was an 'I love you' that I was too wrapped up in myself to notice." She calmly replies as if was a given. "I lost the only man that ever truly knew the real me and loved me anyway. No, that's not true. I didn't lose him. I threw him away. Right into the arms of a woman that wasn't afraid of giving him the love he deserved."
To say that Rick was gobsmacked by her remarks would be an understatement. He knew that she believed every word she said to be true. Seeing a single tear starting to run down her cheek, he reflexively reaches across the table, gently wiping it away with the pad of his thumb while his fingertips traced her face. Still holding her cup, she tilts her face towards his fingers, enjoying the contact.
"I'm sorry Rick. I must be making a fool of myself, but I promised if I ever got the chance, I would tell you these things. Is there anyway that we could have a do over?"
He considers her remarks and question while withdrawing his hand from her face. One thing was certain, the Kate Beckett he had been with for nearly two years would never have admitted that she loved him, or that she had made a mistake by letting him go. A myriad of conflicting emotions were vying for control at that moment. Love, hurt, anger, and fear of the past repeating itself all seemed to want their say in his response. He looked at her as he made his decision and sighed in acceptance of the choice he had made.
By now she has set her cup down on the table, waiting for his answer. Rick reaches across the table, taking her delicate hands into his, and giving them a gentle squeeze. "No, Kate. I do not want a do over." He can see the devastated look on her face before he can continue. "A do over implies that we start at square one again. We have a history. A history with some of my best, and worst, memories. Memories that made us who we are. Rather than a do over, I propose that we write a new chapter in our story. How that chapter ends depends on us."
"Will it have a 'happily ever after' that I hoped for, or we realize that we've grown too far apart to be anything more than friends? I honestly don't know, but I'm willing to give us a chance. I told you long ago that you were extraordinary, because you were. You still are…"
Kate can't hold back the tears as he tells her that he still thinks that she is extraordinary and that he's willing to see if there was a future for them. Rick is out of his chair before she realizes it, kneeling beside her and wrapping his arms around her.
"So what do you say?" He whispers into her ear as he holds her in his arms.