July 2010
Castle said they deserved to be happy. And they were. For a time.
It was everything she'd never dreamed possible. Even when she stressed out over work or didn't know how to be a parent to Fitz, she and Castle made it work. They were adjusting, leaving behind the versions of themselves from another time and place and choosing to live in this off-kilter world.
She officially moved into the loft (though "her" stuff was there already) and Castle bought them new wedding bands. "To keep up the pretense," he claimed. But she saw the want in his eye when he thought she wasn't looking. It scared the hell out of her...and yet, she gave into the illusion of being husband and wife, even wearing her mother's engagement ring with her golden band, letting it earn new meaning—the jewel no longer a symbol of loss.
When she wasn't getting a crash course in law, there were Sunday family brunches hosted by her parents, strolls in Central Park on sunny afternoons with Castle and Fitz, and late-night Temptation Lane marathons curled up in quilted blankets with her mother. It was a picture-perfect fantasy.
So much so that she didn't notice something going on with her partner. He was losing sleep, his under-eye staining with purple and his frame becoming thinner. He waved it off as staying up with Fitz and writing in the middle of the night. It didn't occur to her that he was hurting.
August 25, 2010
She was looking for a pen in his office when she bumped into the digital murder board he used to plot out his novels. The screen whirred to life, lighting up the space. Instead of an outline for the new Scarlett Rain, Beckett found a picture of her and Castle surrounded by a web of details, ranging from the dates they traveled to elevator schematics to a list of theories. In some boxes of information, he'd collated scientific research on time-travel and in others, plugged in stories from folklore and mythology. The word parallel universe jumped out at her and a question typed in one corner rooted her to the spot: How do we get home?
"Did you find a—?" he asked, entering the space and stopping short. "Oh."
She whirled toward him, her heart in her throat. "You want to go back?"
His shoulders drooped with guilt as he wiped a tired hand over his face. "I didn't know how to tell you."
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"Because I can't ask you to choose between me and your mom," he said.
"Why does it have to be a choice? I thought we were happy," she said, her heart hammering in her ribcage.
He's silent for a moment, gathering his words. "I am. We are. It's just...you were right from the start, Kate. About living this other life—how it's not quite ours. This...this is all—"
"Surreal," she finished, hating that she understands him, and he glanced at her with hopeful eyes.
Emboldened, he continued. "And I feel guilty about what happened to Javi...one of the things that brings me comfort is knowing that our past life still exists, that somewhere, he's alive and well."
"How could you not tell me?" she asked, her heart pinching.
"Because I love you," he said quietly.
"Oh," she said, unsure how to respond, though it's not really a surprise. She saw it in his eyes everyday. In every kiss and touch. Not to mention they were married on paper, raising a kid, and living together. But maybe that's why it didn't feel real. Because they were pushed into pretense; playing catch up in a relationship that wasn't on their terms.
"And I didn't want to ruin what we've been building these past months. I wanted to wait until I had something concrete to bring you...not all this supposition," he says, flicking a hand over the board, his voice becoming muffled as she straightened out her thoughts.
He wanted to go back. And he loved her.
All the men she'd loved left her or ended up disappointing her in some way. Her father's watch started itching on her wrist, irritating her. Castle was the one who convinced her they could make it work, that they deserved more. She was finally happy. But now he wanted to leave?
"How long have you been working on this?" she asked.
He hesitated before answering, "Two weeks after we came here."
The room fell silent and Castle shuffled his feet, sensing that the other shoe was about to drop, her face an impasse.
"So it's been months," she surmised. "And you haven't been able to talk to me about it? Don't you think there's something wrong about that?"
"I didn't want to upset you. And it didn't make sense to tell you until I had something concrete," he provided helplessly.
Anger spread through her chest like molten lava as she erupted. "I thought we were partners. I thought we solved things together. You say you love me, but you treat me as if I'm fragile. Like I'm still the girl who lost her mother!"
And that's it. The unsettling thought that's been quietly looming in the back of her mind for the past few months. Because she still is that girl and she doesn't know how to live as the woman who has hers. She can't even say I love you back, her heart still afraid.
"I'm sorry, Kate. I should've told you."
She softened, cooling a little, but the embers of her anger still glowed. She assessed him, taking in his withdrawn posture and noticing the haggard look in his eye and she's hit with a cold clarity.
"You're not happy," she said.
"I—"
"And you didn't think I would choose you. That's why you didn't tell me."
"Would you?" he asked, defensive.
"I don't know, Rick," she tossed back. "I can't even think right now. I hate that you kept this from me, that you didn't feel like you could talk about it. And I'm mad at myself for not noticing any of this," she said, gesturing at him and the board. "I was too wrapped up in the bubble...this warped delusion of happiness." She looked at him, her heart breaking. "I'm not good for you."
"No, that's not true."
But she's right and they both know it. Tears crowded in her eyes. "You deserve more," she said.
"Kate, please. I don't want to lose you. I love you," he said and it's like a knife to the chest.
"I don't think that's enough," she whispered, aching inside. He sacrificed his own happiness for hers. "I think we need some space." She goes to him and brushes a kiss against his cheek.
"Don't go," he pleaded, catching her jaw in his hand.
"I'm going to stay with my parents," she said, more to herself than him. If he didn't let her go, she didn't know if she'd be able to leave.
"You don't have to do this," he said, sensing her internal fight. She looked down, her gaze latching onto the golden band on her left hand. It wasn't right. Tugging at it, she removed it from her finger and pressed it into his palm, gently pushing him away.
"I have to go."
"What about Fitz?" he asked as she reached the front door.
"We'll work something out."
September 25, 2010
"You're Clara Strike," Beckett says.
"I wouldn't say that I am Clara Strike, but I'd like to think that I inspired Rick in some small way," Sophia says, flashing Castle a suggestive smile and Beckett gets a bad taste in her mouth.
"Well, that is just fascinating," the detective says, hating the conspiratorial glance the two share. "What are you doing here?"
"Rick told me about your son and I thought I'd stop by," says Sophia.
"How thoughtful," Beckett asks, plastering a polite smile on her face. She didn't think it would hurt so much. "Could you excuse me? I'm going to see if the doctor has any updates," she says, turning away without waiting for an answer.
"Kate, wait," Castle says, running down the hall after her.
She spins when his hand touches her elbow. "What?"
"It's not what you think."
"Yeah? You know, you never did say how long you 'researched' with her," she says.
"It was a brief moment a long time ago," he says, waving it off.
"That doesn't answer my question," she says.
"A year," he says finally, stuffing his hands in his pockets.
"That's your idea of a 'brief moment'?" she asks, crossing her arms.
"I was young, and she had a lot to teach me," he says in a playful rebuff.
"Oh, I'm sure she did," she scoffs, "Tell me, Castle, how many other muses have you slept with? How big is the club?"
"First of all, there is no club. Secondly, you're cute when you're jealous," he says, smirking.
She narrows her eyes. "Why is she here?"
"She's helping me with my dad," he reveals.
"Your dad?" she asks.
"Turns out my CIA theory wasn't so far-fetched."
Beckett's arms fall to her side as she loosens her stiff stance. "Seriously?"
"Sophia says he's the one who pulled the strings to have me shadow her," he says.
An odd feeling pulls at Beckett's gut. Why now? "Have you met him?" she asks out loud.
"Not yet. Sophia's trying to get in touch with him. She texted me earlier that she needed to speak with me in person as soon as possible. That's why she's here."
Oh. She looks at him, wanting to say a thousand things but at a loss.
"I'm happy for you," she says finally and it's not the answer he's expecting.
"Yeah?"
"I know how much finding your dad means to you," she says softly.
"Thanks," he says, grinning warmly and her heart skips a beat. She lifts her lips in a half-smile and casts her gaze down, suddenly aware that this is the first conversation they've had since the break-up that wasn't about Fitz.
"I should—" she starts awkwardly, not sure where she's heading.
"Right, uh…" he says.
"Are you the parents of Fitzgerald Castle?" a doctor asks.
"Yes," they both chime, grateful for the interruption.
"He has an ear infection. He'll be alright. We'll prescribe him something that you'll have to administer for the next couple of days, but you can take him home tonight."
"He's going to be okay?" Beckett asks, relief sagging through her.
"Yes," the doctor says, smiling. "He's going to be just fine."
xxx
June 28, 2010 - Castle and Beckett arrive in another timeline where Johanna is alive. The next day they discover Espo was killed in action and resolve to be happy.
July 2010 - They settle into a new life.
August 25, 2010 - They break up.
September 25, 2010 (Present) - Sadie brings Beckett information that sends her into a tailspin, Fitz gets an ear infection, and Beckett meets Sophia Turner.