Happy Tuesday, all. Hope everyone's week is off to a good start.

###

Alec bolted awake, his breath short, disoriented in the darkness. He couldn't quite remember what he had dreamed, but somehow it had involved a plane crash and a dead Black. The bit he did remember was disturbing enough.

After a few moments, when he had calmed down enough, he glanced over at the alarm clock. It was only 3:30, but he could hear movement out in the hallway.

Of course. Alec cursed himself. Today Henry and Sarah were packing up to head over to Belmont. Even with that, it seemed extraordinarily early for anyone to be up and around.

Knowing he wouldn't get any more sleep tonight, Alec got up and pulled a sweatshirt over his head. Even if nothing would be happening for a while, it couldn't hurt to be ready whenever Henry was.

He opened the bedroom door and almost immediately ran into Sarah. She let out a startled squeak, and Alec couldn't help but laugh a little.

"Good morning."

"Morning." Sarah replied, still a bit startled. "Didn't expect anyone else to be up. Did I wake you?"

"I woke myself up." Alec answered casually. "Nothing you did."

"Oh." Sarah looked at him with concern. "Everything okay?"

"No, but that's not your problem." Alec immediately regretted his words at the look on Sarah's face. "Seriously, don't worry about it. I'll start coffee."

He trotted down the stairs before she could respond, turning on the kitchen light and finding the Thermoses Henry and he used for road trips. Never in a million years did he think he would be getting those Thermoses ready for anyone but he and Henry.

He shook off his thoughts before they turned too dark and started a pot of coffee on the stove. His mother had recently bought a drip coffeemaker, but Henry still preferred percolated coffee. The man was particular about so many things, and carried more superstitions than almost anyone Alec knew.

The sound of footsteps interrupted his thoughts, and soon he spotted Sarah, putting her hair up in its usual ponytail as she entered. It had been loose only moments before, and Alec admitted he did prefer it loose. But of course, practicality always won the day, not Alec's silly fantasies, and he quickly checked the thought.

He filled the Thermoses with hot water while the coffee perked away on the stove, feeling Sarah's eyes upon him. He found a pair of mugs and filled both before dumping out the hot water and filling the Thermoses. After he screwed the caps on, he took both mugs and crossed over to the table, setting one mug in front of Sarah before taking a seat across from her.

She seemed to study him as she lifted the mug and took a sip, and Alec felt a bit uncomfortable at her appraisal. They drank in silence until she finally broke it.

"What happened to you?"

"Sorry?" her bluntness surprised Alec.

"Just seems like you have a lot of nightmares." Sarah answered. "Must have been something awful to affect you like that."

Alec was surprised and a little embarrassed. He had thought that he was keeping the nightmares to himself. Apparently not. Now he wondered if his parents had known all this time and chosen not to say anything. He wasn't sure how he felt about that.

He studied his mug, considering how to respond. Where would he even start? There had been shipwrecks, plane crashes, his terrifying experience in the Everglades, his even more terrifying experience out west that he still wasn't sure had been real. How could he explain any of it without making Sarah think he was crazy?

"I mean, you don't have to talk about it." Sarah had continued talking. "It's not like I'm your shrink or anything. I'm just being nosy, I guess."

"You seem to have a habit of that."

Sarah laughed. "I've always been curious about folks. Drove my mama crazy."

Alec supposed he didn't really have anything to lose by telling Sarah, some of it, anyway. It wasn't as if she would be around all that long. By fall she'd be gone, and who was she going to tell?

"The worst of them started after Pam died and I took off out west."

"Pam?"

"She came to work at the farm last summer. I guess I kind of fell for her." He smiled a little. "I named Pam's Song for her."

"Aw, that's sweet."

"I guess." Alec shook his head. "Anyway, she left after the summer was up, decided to wander around the country, and ended up going to Europe. I was going to meet up with her there...at some point. It never happened."

A stricken expression crossed Sarah's face as he continued. "I found out she died from some blurb in the New York Times. I don't think her family even knew who I was."

"So you just up and took off?"

"Yeah. Seems stupid now, but I didn't even think about it. Hitched up the trailer, loaded up the Black, and off we went. I didn't even know where I was going."

"You must have scared the hell out of your family."

"Yeah, I lost track of time out there." Alec decided not to go into what had happened once he got out there. He still hadn't made sense of it himself, and didn't think he ever would. "Turns out I was out of contact for a month."

"Is that when you crashed the truck and trailer?"

"Yeah, somewhere in there. Both the truck and trailer were wrecked. All that was left was that piece I brought back with me."

"You held on to that little bit."

"Hope. It was something to hold on to. It worked for a while."

"But not for long."

"No." Alec could feel the tightness in his throat. "Not for long."

He felt Sarah's hand touch his. "I'm sorry. You've been through a lot."

"You could say that."

A silence stretched out between them as Sarah lightly stroked Alec's hand with her thumb. It was a small gesture, but oddly comforting.

Suddenly the back door banged open, a cool breeze coming through the kitchen. Henry soon appeared, wiping his feet on the floor mat. "Morning. Let's get this show on the road."

Sarah quickly pulled her hand away, and both she and Alec rose from the table. "We'll take the Jeep and meet you at the barn." Alec told him.

"Sure, sure." Henry nodded. "See you in a bit."

As soon as Henry had appeared, he had gone. Alec and Sarah shared a little laugh between them, and Alec couldn't help but feel as if he had gotten away with something. He handed one of the Thermoses to Sarah and they headed out to the Jeep.

It was a short, quiet drive up to the filly and mare barn, where Henry was waiting with the truck and trailer. Soon the three of them were working to pack up equipment before Alec went to get Pam's Song from the barn.

The filly nickered as Alec entered, and he clipped a lead to her halter. "I know, girl, it's early. You know how Henry is."

Pam's Song shook her head as if in agreement, and Alec affectionately rubbed her forehead before leading her out of the barn and walking her up the ramp into the trailer.

He tied her down in the trailer, ensuring the filly was secure before trotting down the ramp. "She's all ready, Henry."

"Good, good." Henry nodded. "She's always been a good little traveler."

Alec nodded and stuck his hand out to Henry. "Have a safe trip. I'll try to be down in a few days."

The older trainer ignored the hand and grabbed Alec in a quick hug. "You'd better. She's your filly, too."

Alec was a little surprised at the gesture, but returned the hug. He then turned to Sarah. "You've got your gloves, right?"

Sarah laughed and pulled them out of her pocket. "Never go anywhere without them now."

"Good." He drew her in close. "I'll see you soon. Wouldn't want to miss seeing you ride."

"No pressure there." Sarah laughed.

She soon pulled away and climbed up into the truck with Henry, and soon all he could see were the taillights as they drove away. He already missed them, but he could always drive down in a few days if he wanted. Mike and Brian could certainly handle things without him.

But in the meantime he had his own pet project to work on. Time to get to it.

###

Brian already had Storm Front and Night Sky saddled and ready to go by the time Alec got to the barn. They would start with some gate work, and then each horse would do their individual workouts. After some previous discussion with Henry, they had agreed that Night Sky would be ready for his first race within a few weeks. Alec hoped he would be able to have Storm Front join him. The colt had seen steady improvement in not only his gate work, but in his workouts as well. He seemed to bloom under the extra attention Alec had been able to give him, and Alec felt a burst of pride. It seemed all the work was starting to pay off.

One of the other grooms, Rob, was stepping in today to ride Night Sky, while Brian rode Storm Front. It felt odd to not be on a horse, but Alec was starting to get used to his role now. He would work the gate and then time the horses for their workouts.

Soon the two horses were loaded in the gate, and Alec readied himself to open it. He could see both colts shifting restlessly in their respective stalls. Storm Front, especially, had shown a greater understanding of what being in the gate meant, and looked a lot more ready to spring into action.

Alec hit the button, and the gates popped open. The two colts broke quickly together and got halfway down the track before their respective riders pulled them up and returned them to the gate. Storm Front had stumbled slightly, but had otherwise had a clean start.

They repeated the routine until Alec was satisfied with the colts' progress. Storm Front seemed to improve with each start, and Alec was feeling much more confident about getting him on the track at Belmont. He would start looking at the schedule to find an appropriate race to start him in.

After a brief chat with Rob and Brian, he sent them on their way for their workouts. Storm Front had some speed, but not enough to qualify him for sprint races, Alec thought. Night Sky, on the other hand, had incredible speed that he was learning to channel. Alec was pretty certain that he could have a great career as a sprinter. It wasn't what he thought either horse would do at the beginning, but part of a trainer's job was determining the best fit based on their horse's natural talent.

He had started putting Storm Front through some longer workouts, and the colt was developing his stamina. He had proven himself able to hold a pace over longer distances, and Alec was more sure that he could make a miler out of him, if not longer.

It was a productive morning, and Alec was satisfied with the progress of both colts. He sent both horses back to the barn, giving Storm Front a quick pat on his nose. The colt no longer pulled away when anyone approached his head, and Alec was glad to see that, too. Whatever had happened to this colt in previous barns, he seemed to be getting over it. Alec knew there was no such thing as miracles, but this colt's progress over the last couple of months had nearly qualified as one. Even Henry had been impressed.

Alec returned to the office, glancing up at the "HOPE" sign. For once, the sight of it didn't bring him down. The events of the last couple of months had left him feeling better than he had in a long time. If only he could get past the damned nightmares, he might well be on his way to some kind of healing.

He scribbled down notes in the training logs for both colts, taking a few moments to flip back through previous pages. Indeed, both colts had progressed nicely. Night Sky had matured a good deal, and Storm Front had come a surprisingly long way from his arrival. From struggling to break out of the gate to breaking smoothly and consistently, to allowing himself to be handled without too much fuss, to developing into a strong, steady runner, Alec had to admit he had exceeded expectations in such a short time.

Alec found a race schedule for Belmont and studied it closely. There were several maiden special weight races that would be appropriate for Night Sky, so it was just a matter of deciding where to place him. He didn't want to race the young colt too heavily, as he was still developing. Alec had seen far too many potentially great two-year-olds burn out early from being raced heavily. He wanted to ensure Night Sky would have a long, high quality career, and so he would be choosy about what races to run him in.

Storm Front already had some race experience, even if those experiences hadn't been particularly fruitful. He had raced at two, but had struggled to find his place. Being bounced around from barn to barn had done him no favors either. There were, of course, a myriad of claiming races, but Alec had no interest in dropping the colt in for a tag. He studied further, checking with the more limited allowance races. Storm Front wasn't one who belonged in maiden special weight company, but Alec thought he could benefit from running in some lower level allowance races.

He circled a few that he thought had potential, but would wait until he could discuss things with Henry. Even though Storm Front was his project, he still valued Henry's advice. It was certainly a different world from the trainer's perspective than from the rider's perspective.

After a long day, Alec headed to the Jeep and turned back to the house. It would be a good deal quieter without Sarah around, but he was a little relieved, too. As much as he enjoyed being around her, she was a distraction.

But oh, what a distraction. He felt a strong pull toward her, even as he worked to resist it. He couldn't help comparing her to Pam, and how could anyone compete against a ghost? It wouldn't be fair to Sarah to try to start anything. But all their little moments together seemed to add up to...something, even if Alec couldn't quite bring himself to make more of it.

At any rate, it would be at least a week or two before he could see her. That would give plenty of time for any feelings to cool off. It was just what he needed.

His mother was just putting dinner on the table as he walked in, and he soon joined his parents at the table. It was quieter than usual, with only brief bursts of conversation about the events of the day. Alec and his father discussed Pam's Song's prospects, and he bounced his thoughts about Storm Front and Night Sky off his father. While his father was far from an expert horseman, he had picked up some knowledge over the years, and was generally supportive of Alec's ideas.

"Sounds like you've made a lot of progress with Storm Front." his father commented.

"More than I thought I would." Alec nodded. "He's got some talent. It's just been undeveloped."

"Well, if anyone can make him better, it's you." his mother responded.

Alec smiled at that. His mother had always been encouraging, even when it pained her to do so. His father too, for that matter. They had let Alec keep the Black in their backyard back in Flushing, for crying out loud. What other parents would have allowed such a thing?

"Oh, don't get me wrong. It's been tough." Alec asserted. "When he first got here, he wouldn't let anyone touch his head. It took me and Brian to get a bridle on him."

"Poor thing." his mother shook her head. "He must have been mistreated."

"Yeah, pretty sure you're right." Alec replied. "But he's getting used to it now."

The table went quiet for the rest of the meal, and afterwards, Alec helped his mother clear the table and started cleaning up.

"You don't have to do that." his mother scolded as Alec started the dishwater.

"I know. I kind of like doing it."

"I thought you just wanted a reason to spend time with Sarah." his mother smiled slightly.

Alec felt his face go hot, and his mother laughed gently in response. "Alec, it's as plain as the nose on your face. Of course you like her. She's a nice girl."

Alec stared down at the warm, soapy water, scrubbing at the dishes a little harder than necessary. "I don't want to like her." he finally said quietly.

"Oh, Alec." his mother sighed. "No one expects you to marry her, not yet, anyway."

"I wasn't even thinking that far ahead." Alec chuckled darkly.

"I know it's hard to think of anyone else after..."

"After Pam. Yeah, it is."

They continued in silence until the last pan was scrubbed, rinsed, dried, and put away. "You've become quite good at this. You'll make a good husband someday."

"You realize that means I wouldn't live here, right?"

"Of course." his mother laughed. "No one expected you to live here forever. You could always build your own house. Heaven knows there's enough land here."

It was something Alec had only vaguely considered. His first thought had been moving into an apartment over one of the barns. He had considered doing that with Pam had she decided to stay.

But of course, she hadn't, and now she would never come back, and so he had let the idea pass.

"Don't worry. Your father and I aren't forcing you out." his mother assured him. "We just know that someday you'll have a wife and a family of your own, and eventually this house would get awfully crowded."

"Sure. Someday."

His mother gathered him a big hug, and he suddenly felt as if he were twelve years old again. He could feel that familiar lump rise in his throat, and he feared his emotions would once again get the better of him.

"Oh Alec, I wish I could make it all go away for you." his mother sounded as emotional as he felt. "I hate seeing you hurt so much."

"I'll be okay. Don't worry." Alec spoke roughly.

His mother pulled away from him, placing a hand on his cheek. "How can I not worry? I've worried about you every day since you brought the Black home. Every time you've disappeared..."

"I know. I'm sorry."

His mother shook her head. "I'll never stop worrying. I'm your mother, that's my job. I just want you to be happy. That's all."

If only it were that easy. Hell, Alec wanted that for himself, too. He wrestled with the dark thoughts that occupied his mind every night when he went to bed. During the day it was easier, as there was always work to do. But nighttime was harder, and he was careful to keep the darkest thoughts to himself. He had scared his parents enough. No need to scare them further.

"I'm getting there." He assured his mother, as much to put his own mind at ease as his mother's. Her warm smile told him that she accepted his story for now, and that was enough.

Before long he retired to his room, climbing into bed and closing his eyes. Maybe tonight, just once, he would rest unbothered.