Happy weekend, and Happy Independence Day to my fellow Americans. Enjoy the new chapter, and remember, feedback is always welcome.
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The rest of the week passed quickly, and soon Alec was helping Henry get the trailer packed to head for Louisville. Sarah would go along, and Alec was glad that Henry had someone going with him. Henry would swear up and down that he didn't have a problem driving, but Alec knew the long drive would get wearing, and having Sarah for company would help.
Alec led Pam's Song out of her stall and into the trailer. After he got her tied down, he rubbed her affectionately on the nose. "You be good. Bring home those roses, okay?"
The filly whinnied and nudged Alec before settling down to take a few bites of hay. Alec trotted back down the ramp, lifting it and shoving it into the trailer. "Guess that's everything."
Henry nodded, glancing around. "You're going to be okay by yourself?"
"I'll only be here a couple more days. I'll take the colts back up to the farm and work them there."
"Sounds good. Maybe check the schedules at Aqueduct for the summer meet. Might be some good opportunities for Storm Front there."
"I will." Alec stuck out a hand to Henry, and the older man responded with a tight hug.
"Won't be the same without you." Henry spoke roughly.
"I'll be watching." Alec assured him.
"You'd damn well better."
Sarah finally showed up, tossing her bags in the front seat of the truck before rounding the front to Henry and Alec. "We just about ready?"
"Just waiting for you." Henry told her, half scolding.
Sarah turned toward Alec, hands outstretched. Alec returned the gesture, taking Sarah's hands in his.
She squeezed them firmly before leaning in for a kiss. "I'll see you soon. Miss you already."
"Bring home the roses."
"Don't you worry about that. You know I ride to win."
Soon Henry and Sarah were in the truck and pulling away from the barn. Alec felt the briefest stab of longing at missing out on this trip. But there would be other years and other Derby horses. Maybe next year.
Alec turned back toward the barn. He had his own packing up to do as he prepared to head back up to the farm. He was already thinking about upcoming races that would be good for Storm Front. As for Night Sky, one race was enough right now. The young colt had recovered well from his intense effort, but some extra rest would benefit him. Alec would work with him through the summer and have him ready to race again by fall, just in time to ship him to Florida for the winter.
Storm Front had come a long way in a short time, and Alec had been pleasantly surprised with his performance. Perhaps the colt had more talent than it appeared. With some more gate work, he had great potential. Maybe this was Alec's future, picking up horses other people didn't have the time or patience for.
It certainly hadn't been the life he had dreamed of all those years ago when he had first raced the Black in Chicago. All he had wanted back then was to ride as fast and as far as he could. Along the way it had become a business, and a precarious one at that. Not that there weren't pockets of joy along the way, but more and more Alec had felt ground down by the pressure.
No wonder he had broken so spectacularly. He would never be the same after that last experience out west. And now here he was, trying to find his sense of normal again. He wasn't so sure normal had really been working out for him, but he didn't know where to go from here.
And then there was Sarah. Despite her warning that she wasn't likely to stick around, Alec couldn't help but feel drawn to her. He had spent so much of his life focused on the business of horses that he hadn't bothered to try too hard to meet people. Horses were easier to deal with, certainly. But now two different women had turned his world upside down, and he didn't know how to handle it. If things somehow went wrong with Sarah too...
Alec shook his head. He had things to do. He couldn't get stuck on something that hadn't happened yet. If only he could take Sarah's attitude about things, just taking each day as it came, and not worry so much about the future. He might be better off, somehow.
The sound of raised voices jolted Alec out of his thoughts. It wasn't unusual for tempers to flare, and as long as it didn't involve him, Alec was perfectly content to continue working.
"Where the hell is she?!" a male voice bellowed. "I know damn well she was here!"
Night Sky nickered and shifted in his stall, and Alec sighed in frustration. He didn't want the young colt too wound up before he tried to load him in the trailer. He could be difficult enough on a good day.
"Sarah?!" the voice rang out again. "I know you're here, girl! I saw you!"
Alec froze. He hoped the name was just a coincidence. Finally he moved down to the end of the barn where the man was still yelling.
"Can I help you?"
A tall, lean, rough looking man turned around at the sound of Alec's voice. "I sure as hell hope so. Name's Jeff Palmer. Looking for a Sarah Palmer. You seen her?"
"Depends." Alec answered, trying to keep his tone light.
Jeff fixed Alec with a hard look. "I know you. Alec Ramsey. Used to watch you ride that big black horse."
"That's right." Alec nodded, still wondering what the hell was going on.
"And you know Sarah. She rode that filly Saturday for your farm."
Alec was getting more uncomfortable by the minute. "Sarah left this morning. You just missed her."
"Dammit." Jeff growled.
"Is something wrong?" Alec asked. "I can call ahead and leave a message for her to contact you."
"You're damn right something's wrong." Jeff snapped. "I've been chasing that girl ever since she left Louisiana Downs."
Alec didn't like the sound of that. Whoever this Jeff guy was, he sounded like trouble, and Alec was less inclined to help him track down Sarah.
"You gonna tell me where she is or not?" Jeff demanded.
Not with that attitude. Alec thought.
Jeff let out an exasperated huff. "When you see her, tell her I'm not signing those damn divorce papers. She ain't getting rid of me that easily."
Divorce papers?!
Jeff caught the expression on Alec's face. "Oh, she didn't tell you she was married. Guess she didn't have a chance before y'all started getting together. Assuming it's you she's screwing and not the old man."
"Get out." Alec snarled.
Jeff laughed bitterly. "Tell you what. You go right ahead and keep screwing my wife. That's all she's good for anyway."
In a flash Jeff was on the ground, his nose bleeding, and someone was pulling Alec off the other man. Alec was barely aware of the noise surrounding him.
"Son of a bitch!" Jeff muttered, clearly dazed. He stumbled to his feet, waving off offers of assistance. He pointed at Alec. "I'll go find her myself. Be damned if some woman is going to get the better of me."
Alec's heart was pounding and he was still breathing heavily, just now noticing the pain in his knuckles. He winced as he opened and closed his fist.
"You want to go get that checked out before you go?" One of the grooms asked tentatively.
Alec shook his head. "I'm fine. The sooner I get these horses loaded up and out of here, the better."
Before long he had the truck and trailer packed. All that remained was getting the two colts in and settled. Storm Front gave Alec almost no trouble, seemingly unbothered by the chaos. Night Sky was a bit fractious but settled in quickly. With both horses loaded, Alec was ready to head home. A long drive would give him time to cool off and think about what to do next.
He climbed into the cab of the truck and fiddled with the radio, settling on what he assumed was a popular music station. The chatter of the host kept his mind occupied as he started for home.
The music was pleasant enough, allowing Alec to unwind a bit as he drove, though the confrontation with Jeff still left him feeling unsettled. Had Alec known Sarah was married, he never would have gotten so close to her. There were lines you didn't cross.
He didn't know whether he was more upset with Sarah, Jeff, or himself. He felt like a damn fool.
Alec was no closer to figuring it out by the time he arrived at Hopeful Farm. Still, it was good to be home. No matter how far he wandered, Hopeful Farm was always here when he returned. It was comforting, somehow, even though at times he chafed at the responsibilities that came with running the farm.
He drove past the stallion barn, noting the Black and Satan out in their respective pastures. The Black was as regal as ever, tossing his head back and breaking into a run. From a distance, he still looked race ready, though the reality was far different. Alec doubted he would ever race the Black again, though the farm hadn't officially announced the stallion's retirement.
Soon Alec pulled up to the colt barn, where Brian trotted out to meet him. The young man waved at Alec before making his way to the back of the trailer. Alec climbed down from the cab of the truck to meet him.
"Heard you had a good meet." Brian commented as he opened the trailer.
"Not too bad." Alec answered. "Storm Front pulled off a win and Night Sky ran a strong second."
Brian's face broke into a grin. "I figured if anyone could make something of Storm Front it would be you."
"He's got some talent. He needs some more gate work for sure, and I think we can start working some longer distances."
"And Night Sky?"
"He went pretty hard for a first effort." Alec replied. "We'll rest him for a couple weeks, then start building him up again. He should be race ready by fall."
Brian nodded. "Definitely want to take it easy with him."
Once the truck and trailer were unpacked, Alec started the long walk back to the house. But first, a stop at the stallion barn.
The Black was out in his paddock when Alec walked up, and Alec let out a whistle to get the stallion's attention. His ears pricked up, and he let out a loud whinny as he met Alec at the fence.
"Hey boy." Alec affectionately scratched the Black's neck. "Long time no see. I missed you."
The thoughts that had rattled around Alec's head the entire drive seemed to dissipate now. Right now, it was just him and his beloved Black, and nothing else mattered. He briefly considered simply climbing on the horse's back and riding him as he had when they were on that deserted island so long ago. But that was then, and this was now, and Alec remembered Henry fussing over one of the Black's hooves after his last race back in the fall. They hadn't officially retired him from racing yet, but Alec knew that time was probably coming.
It would be the end of an era, and the thought made Alec a little sad. While the farm had plenty of stock in the pipeline, and the Black would indeed be a prized breeding stallion, it wouldn't be the same not guiding the Black around a track again. Alec thought it was likely his own riding days were coming to an end, too.
Things were changing at Hopeful Farm. Alec wasn't yet convinced it was for the better.
He left the Black with a tug on his fetlock and turned toward the house. Any business he had at the barn could wait until later.
"Hello, dear." his mother called out almost as soon as he opened the door. "Henry called. They pulled off the road in Columbus. Everything's fine. He'll call again once they get settled."
"Good to hear." Alec bent down to kiss his mother on the cheek.
"Did...oh, you know, that girl..."
"Sarah."
"Yes, Sarah." Belle nodded. "Did you know she was going down with Henry?"
Alec nodded, not really wanting to talk about Sarah at the moment. "She's riding Pam's Song in the Derby."
"Oh." Belle looked confused. "I suppose I thought you'd be riding her. I must say, I was surprised you didn't go this time."
Alec let out a short sigh. "No real reason for me to go. Henry's been training her, Sarah's been riding her, and...I have my own horses to train."
Belle studied Alec. "You're not happy about it."
Alec shrugged with an indifference he didn't feel. "It doesn't matter. Really. I'll just watch it on TV like everyone else."
"Alec." Belle sighed. "She's your horse too. You should be there."
"It's okay." Alec gave Belle a quick hug. "Maybe next year. Who knows, I might be training Night Sky for the Derby."
Belle beamed at that. "I must say, I feel better about you training horses rather than riding them."
Alec chuckled a little before stopping into his dad's office. "Hey Dad."
"Alec." the other man glanced over from his desk. "Looks like that claimer did pretty well."
"He did." Alec felt a burst of pride. "I think he's got a lot of potential, and a lot of racing life left in him. He should be in fine form by fall."
"Good, good." his father returned to the journal on his desk, punching numbers into the adding machine, frowning slightly.
"Everything okay?"
"Oh, nothing out of the ordinary." his father shook his head. "Margins are just tight this month. If our girl does well in the Derby, that'll help a lot."
The two men briefly chatted over the books. Now that Alec was starting to take over more of the business of running the farm, his father was less reluctant to shield him from the farm's finances.
Finally his father fixed Alec with a concerned look. "Is everything okay with you?"
"Just tired." Alec was surprised at how easily the lie slipped out. "It's always a long drive hauling that trailer."
His father nodded sagely. "Any word from Henry and..."
"Sarah?"
"Yes, her."
"Mom said they were somewhere around Columbus. They should be in Louisville by late afternoon."
"Sounds like everything's going well then."
"Yep." Alec let out a brief sigh. "Everything's fine."
There was a brief silence before Alec's father spoke again. "You know that if something's bothering you, you can come talk to me."
Alec was sure that his father wouldn't want to hear everything that had been going through Alec's head. "Sure, Dad."
"I mean it." his father's face was more serious than usual.
"Okay."
With that, Alec's father returned to his work, and Alec made his way up to his room. A little rest after the long drive would do him some good. Maybe then he'd be more prepared for...for what exactly, he wasn't sure.
He knew he would have to talk to Sarah about Jeff. Whatever was going on between them, Alec had no desire to be in the middle of it. And what the hell had Sarah been thinking, anyway, pursuing Alec when she was still a married woman?
God, he'd been such a fool. He shouldn't have fallen in so quickly with Sarah, not while Pam was still so fresh in his mind. Being with Sarah wouldn't make Pam's memory go away any sooner, and Alec wasn't sure he wanted that anyway. If only Pam had stayed, none of this would have happened. Pam would still be here, with him, and maybe they would be travelling to the Derby together. He never would have fled to the desert, never would have crashed the truck and trailer, never would have endangered himself or the Black, never would have met Sarah.
Dammit, Pam, why did you have to go? Alec could feel the familiar lump in his throat, the hot tears stinging his eyes. He finally let go, burying his face in his pillow and weeping like a child. The pain cut deep, and nothing seemed to ease it.
At last there was nothing left, and Alec felt no better, only a sense of numbness. The afternoon sun streamed across his bedroom floor, and he figured he should get up and start catching up with Mike before the other man finished for the day. With any luck, he'd hear from Henry soon, and he supposed at some point he would figure out how to deal with Sarah.
He thought he heard the phone ring downstairs, and it wasn't long before he heard his mother calling for him. Alec quickly trotted down the stairs and took the phone from his mom with a slight smile, ignoring her worried expression.
"Hello?"
"Alec!" Henry's voice boomed down the line. "Just wanted to let you know we made it safe and sound. Pam's Song is all settled in, just like she was at home. Got a good feeling about this week."
Alec couldn't help but smile. Henry's excitement was infectious. "As long as she has a stall and some hay, she's a happy girl."
"Yep, we'll get her out on the track tomorrow and let her get used to it. Don't want to work her too hard, you know." Henry continued. "How about you? Uneventful drive back?"
"Oh sure." Alec answered with a casual tone he didn't feel. "You know, nothing too exciting to report."
"Be sure to check out the Black's foot. We have to make a decision about him one way or the other."
Alec sighed. As much as he hated talking about the Black's future, it was better than what was on his mind at the moment. "Maybe it's time to retire him while he's still got some breeding life in him."
Henry was silent for a moment, then responded with a sigh. "I suppose we've known for a while, haven't we? I hate doing it, but it's the best thing for him."
"We've got lots of young talent in the pipeline." Alec told him, as much to assure himself as Henry.
"True, true." Henry answered absentmindedly. "Still doesn't feel quite right."
They chatted idly for a moment until Henry broke in. "Hold on, Sarah wants to talk to you."
Alec's chest tightened as he heard Henry speak briefly to Sarah. He thought about hanging up, but before he could, her familiar voice came on the line. "Hey stranger."
"Hey." Alec tried to keep his tone light. "Hope Henry didn't drive you too crazy."
"Nah, we had a nice chat on the way down. How are things at the farm?"
"Same as ever. Not much to report, really."
There was a brief pause before Sarah spoke again. "Everything okay with you?"
Alec took a deep breath before speaking. "Someone was looking for you at the track. Some guy yelling about divorce papers."
"Shit." Sarah muttered softly. "Alec, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"Sarah, what the hell is going on?"
"It's...it's a long story."
"I've got time." The words came out sharper than Alec had intended.
"I don't even know where to begin." Sarah laughed bitterly. "I never should have married him in the first place. He's not a bad guy, just...I had no business marrying him."
Alec was skeptical. Jeff didn't seem like such a great guy.
"Anyway...I was young and stupid and married the first guy that proposed. He was older, seemed so sophisticated, made me feel so much more mature than I was. But when it came right down to it, he wanted me to quit riding and just work with him on his farm. I never wanted that, and he just didn't understand. Told me he was going to force me to quit, that he would make sure no one in Louisiana let me ride for them. So...I filed for divorce and bailed out, headed to Florida where he didn't have any influence." She paused briefly. "Guess the papers finally showed up."
"And what, you didn't think I needed to know?"
"Alec..."
"Forget it, don't answer that." Alec snapped.
"I wanted to tell you. Honestly, I did." Sarah answered softly. "There just never seemed like a good time. And I didn't think it would ever be an issue anyway."
It took everything Alec had not to lose his temper. How could it not be an issue? Surely it would have been sooner or later. "You could have told me long before we started..."
"Screwing around?" Sarah interrupted sharply.
It wasn't just screwing around to Alec. It never had been. "Is that all this is to you?"
"No!" The anger in Sarah's voice caught Alec off guard. "I mean...maybe at first. And you wanted it too. You're not so innocent."
"I never would have been with you if I'd known you were married."
"Even if I was leaving him?"
Alec fell silent at that. He hated feeling the need to justify himself. No, he was hardly innocent in this, and yes, he had wanted Sarah badly. Hell, he still did, even after everything.
He let out a long exhale. "I can't say one way or the other."
"Mm-hm. Not so simple, is it?" After a beat, she spoke again. "Did you tell him where I was?"
"No, but if he watches TV or listens to the radio, he'll figure it out pretty quickly."
"Guess you're right." Sarah answered regretfully.
There was a long silence before Alec spoke again. "I should go. Got some work to do. Good luck Saturday. I'll be watching."
"We'll bring home the roses."
"I know you will."
He hung up the phone and sunk into the chair, his anger dissipating as quickly as it had rushed in, leaving him with a sense of deep exhaustion. Alec didn't know where this left him and Sarah. The whole situation had grown even more complicated.
"I don't need this." Alec grumbled to himself as he pushed himself out of the chair and strode through the house, barely hearing his mother as he passed through. He had plenty of work in the office to keep him busy for a while, and he would have Mike for company.
Mike greeted him with a nod as Alec entered the office. "Good to see you."
"Good to see you, too."
Mike nodded out toward the pasture. "The Black missed you."
Alec couldn't help smiling at that. "He always does. Thinks he's being left out if I don't take him."
"Aye, he doesn't know his racing days are numbered."
"We're retiring him." Alec told him. "Henry and I talked earlier."
"Tis the right thing to do." Mike nodded in agreement. "That foot's been bothering him ever since the fall. I don't think it will ever be quite right, not for the track."
Alec shook his head. "It's hard to imagine him spending his days in the pasture."
"Ah, he'll be as happy as he can be. No bridle, no saddle. It will almost be as if he's back in the desert."
"Quite a life."
Mike gave Alec a questioning look. "Are you okay?"
Alec sighed in exasperation. "I don't know."
Mike was silent for a moment, seemingly deep in thought. "You know, Henry had been asking me for months to come work for him. I'd been thinking about retiring, but just couldn't bring myself to do it. Didn't want to quit, even though it wasn't going well." He looked up at Alec. "You reminded me of myself at your age. When you first showed up, you were so excited. I don't know what happened to you, but last time I saw you ride, you...you seemed miserable."
Alec shrugged, not sure where Mike's story was leading. Mike gave Alec a little smile. "Maybe you were looking for a reason to quit. Maybe you just needed an out. You've been under a lot of pressure for a long time."
"No more than anyone else here."
"No, it's different with you." Mike told him. "You've poured your heart and soul into this place. And you've done a hell of a job with it. Look what you and Henry have built. You should be proud. But you take all of it to heart. Every bit of this business is personal. It takes a toll, and you're too young to take on so much."
Alec knew Mike was right. He hated to admit as much.
Mike let out a low chuckle. "And I know you've been wanting to train for a while now. Isn't that the whole reason you went to college?"
Alec nodded. "I wanted to drop out, but Henry nagged me to stay. Said it would make me a better horseman."
"He was right."
"Not to mention my parents would have killed me if I'd dropped out."
Mike let out a sharp laugh. "Any parent would."
Alec sighed and rose from his chair, pacing around the small office. "I don't know. I really thought maybe I had a few more years of riding left in me. But...everything just...changed."
"Lots of reasons for that." Mike nodded. "And not just because you lost interest."
"Pam."
"That too."
A long silence stretched out between the two men. Mike was the first to break it. "You're grieving, boy. It's natural."
Alec could feel the emotion building, that painfully familiar lump in is throat, the tightness in his chest as he touched the picture of Pam and Black Sand on his desk. Both gone due to tragic accidents that Alec had no control over.
"It's not just the girl you're grieving." Mike told him quietly. "It's the loss of who you thought you were."
Alec turned toward Mike, puzzled. Mike shrugged casually. "I did too, when I first came here. Thought if maybe I held on for one more race, one more meet, things would turn around. They never did. And now I'm here."
"Do you regret it?"
"Not now." Mike smiled a little. "But it was hard to accept. I'd been a jockey over half my life. Was no easy thing to leave it behind."
He rose from his desk chair, crossing to grasp Alec's shoulder. "You'll work it out in time. Be patient with yourself."
With that Mike was gone, leaving Alec deep in his own thoughts. It wasn't just losing Pam that had sent him into this tailspin, though that had been the final straw. Riding had left him exhausted and resentful, feeling as if he had no control over his own life. Leaving as he did, maybe, in some small way, was his way of trying to regain some of that control.
It had been extraordinarily foolish, of course, and had made things even harder upon his return.
All of it left Alec with more questions than answers. If Henry were to retire, would Alec want to take on Henry's responsibilities? Alec wasn't so sure. He did want to train, certainly, but if their stable continued to grow, the workload would grow beyond his capabilities. He would have to bring in other people to take on some of the work.
But all of that was in some far-off future that he didn't want to think about right now. Right now, he had other concerns. He still hadn't figured out what to do about Sarah, if anything. That was the part of his life giving him the most grief at the moment. Not that he and Sarah had much of a future, really. She had already warned him, after all.
As with Pam, he would have to let Sarah go much sooner than he had planned on.
Out of pure frustration, he slammed his fist hard against the desk. Alec winced and cursed himself for being so foolish. There was no sense in hurting himself over this. If all went well, it would be a good month or so before he saw Sarah again. Surely by then the whole thing would come to some resolution. If not, well, Alec supposed he would cross that bridge if he came to it.