Chapter 65: Nervously Anticipating
"Mer, baby, what are you doing?" Derek almost laughed at the site before him. She is standing in the kitchen on one leg trying to get something out of the top cabinet.
"I am trying to... damn it." She says losing her balance and using the countertop to break her fall.
"Here, let me help you. What do you want?" He rushes over, knowing she is trying to get something down.
"Hot Chocolate. I was trying to get down the marshmallows." Meredith sighs frustratingly ready to get her cast off, but she still had a few weeks with it.
Derek smiles and reaches to get it for her. He loves how at home they have made themselves feel. His mind also keeps replaying what he needed to do before they go to bed. He almost talked to her in the car on the way home from Izzie's, but he knew it would be better to be at home. "Here ya go." He sits it down on the counter and notices only one cup and chuckled, "What about me?"
Meredith looks at him and smiles, "I didn't think you would want hot chocolate... something about it being unhealthy? Although, you do end up drinking most of my cup when I do fix some." She giggles.
"I do... yours is so much better than I could ever make it." He smiles looking at her and leans over to kiss her nose.
"You would do just fine. Want to help me?" Meredith puts water into the kettle and starts to take it over to the stove.
"Here, I will get that started." Derek takes it and gets it going.
"Thank you." Meredith says grabbing another mug for Derek's hot chocolate and starts getting them ready. She pours the hot chocolate in one of the cups and Derek turns to watch her curious as to what she is doing and why.
"Um... you are pouring the powder in now?" He asks laughing a bit.
She looks at him, "Yes, is there a problem with that?"
"You put it in after the water is poured." Derek replies amusingly.
"I thought you said... you would rather drink mine because you couldn't make it like me. So, really... I think you have no room to talk." Meredith says quite pointedly, but in a joking manner.
"Well, I never knew you did it all wrong." Derek laughs, kissing the back of her head, standing behind her.
"You can do yours and I will do mine." Meredith says putting the marshmallows into the cup.
"You put the marshmallows in as well before the water?" He said smiling, "You are doing mine too... you do it perfect!" He wraps his arms around her and rests his head on her shoulder.
"I do it perfect?" She asks, smiling happily.
"You do... you are perfect." He whispers.
"I am far from it. No one is perfect Derek." She giggles slightly.
Derek takes a deep breath feeling a pit in the bottom of his stomach thinking about his impending conversation. "That is true, but you are pretty damn close Meredith Grey and I love you."
"I love you too Derek." She closes her eyes, knowing she loves this man so much.
"Mer... let's finish getting our hot chocolate and then sit down and talk." He says in a very low tone.
"Ok. I suppose you want me to make yours too?" She asks with a smirk.
"Always... since it is the one thing you know how to do better than anyone else... in the kitchen." Derek says smiling, knowing this would elicit a response from Meredith.
"You are testing your luck tonight, Mister." Meredith grins.
"Do I get a spanking for being bad?" He asks.
"You might." She says as he gives her one last tight hug before letting her go so that she can finish what she is doing. Meredith is able to turn around slightly to give Derek a slap on his ass.
"Ow, that hurt." He says happily, not able to shake the feeling he has, knowing the time is here. It is time to openly talk to her. He loves her more than anything and knows they will be okay, however; he doesn't even want to have to talk about it because no matter what, it will hurt in some ways as he wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of this either.
"Oh, just wait until later... I may really hurt you." She laughs getting the hot chocolate together as Derek gives her the whistling kettle.
"I look forward to it." Derek laughs and watches her methodically pour the hot water in the cups that already has the marshmallows and the powder. She pours a little bit of the water in and stirs that up to get the powder to disappear and the marshmallows starting to melt and then pours the rest of the water in to fill the mug.
"You do have a method, don't you?" Derek observes.
"Of course I do." She smiles and hands him the first cup.
"I bet this is the best cup of hot chocolate I will ever have."
"You bet your ass it is." Meredith finishes fixing her own cup and starts to take a step before stopping abruptly.
Derek immediately notices Meredith and the look she has plastered to her face, "Come on, I will get your hot chocolate and you can get over to the couch, I am sure. Unless, you want to go out back and cuddle on a blanket? I don't think it is too cool as long as we have something for us to cover up with."
"Outside sounds great tonight. The fresh air will be nice." Meredith smiles as Derek takes her mug and she wobbles outside.
Derek sits down the mugs, "Hold on, I will go get the blankets and be right back."
Meredith takes a deep breath and looks up at the sky... the clear sky with the moon and the stars. The moon was a little more than half out tonight. She loves it out here on the land, on the Shepherd's land. It is peaceful... and filled with so much love. She looks over to the lake that is down from Derek's a little way. She can see it... a house... with children running around. She never thought she really wanted this kind of lifestyle... one that is quiet and peaceful, not nearly as fast-paced as a big city and/or a busy lifestyle of 2 doctors.
Derek walks out and stops while looking at Meredith... and how beautiful she looks standing in the moonlight. He can't love her more and hopes whatever the future brings they can do it... he knows they can. He has never loved anyone as much as he loves Meredith Grey, and he will do everything in his power to make sure she always knows it.
Derek slowly walks up to her, "You look beautiful."
"Thank you." She whispers, "It is amazing out here, you know."
"Yes, I do know. I love it here, peaceful." He says, getting the blanket situated on the ground knowing she needs to sit.
When he is done, he helps her down on the blanket, giving her the mug of hot chocolate and covering them up with the fleece blanket he grabbed.
"Meredith."
"Derek." She says smiling.
Derek knows he must tell her, and this is as good a time as any. He knows it really is nothing, but he can't keep anything from her and let her find out later by accident… that woman he is regretting the relationship he had with her. At the time, it was fun and exciting, but now... he hates himself for it in every way because he has a feeling this is going to hurt them in some way. He just has to make sure Meredith knows he loves her, unconditionally.