Chapter 66: Telling Meredith About Jill

Meredith looked at Derek wondering why he was looking at her so strangely. Usually, he was smiling and happy, but he seemed to be nervous about something and scared to talk which were not them...not Meredith and Derek. "Derek...are you okay?"

He took a deep breath, knowing he wasn't okay. He had a suspicion that nothing about Jill calling was okay, and that is why he had to talk to Meredith about it. They had never really talked about his relationship with Jill. It was mentioned at some point before they were even together, but that was about it. "Meredith, I need to talk to you...and I am not quite sure how you may react."

Meredith took this in slowly, not exactly sure what he was about to say. "Derek, I am here. I love you, and you are worrying me. You have seemed a little off, so just tell me." Meredith said lovingly.

"Before you...I was...well, I was what you could say somewhat in a relationship or something." Derek started, not wanting to keep looking at her; he didn't want to see the hurt that could form in her eyes as he told her. He had never been in this situation before and never wanted to be.

"I know...the blonde from the hospital that day of your dad's surgery. Mark told me about her and then you may have mentioned her...at some point." Meredith said quietly following along.

"Yeah, Jill...is her name. Well, we had a...she was kind of...I wasn't in love with her ever." He rambled nervously.

Meredith just started laughing, "Derek...what the hell, you are rambling. Are you okay?"

"Yes...no, maybe. I just need to tell you this and stop...worrying. I love you so much Meredith...so much." He stopped looking at her. She wasn't laughing anymore, but had eyes that held love...all for him

"I love you too, Derek. Just...out with it. You are starting to make me nervous." Meredith said, smiling lovingly to Derek.

"Jill...she has been trying to call me." He stopped and looked down.

Meredith's head followed his head down a bit and quietly spoke, putting her hand on his hand that was resting in his lap, "Derek...is she...is everything okay?"

"I don't know. I avoided her phone calls for some time, and I finally talked to her...this morning." Derek said looking back into Meredith's eyes seeing something very different than he expected...

"Did she need something?" Meredith asked slowly, never taking her eyes off Derek's, knowing that whatever it was she wanted...they would deal with it together. She loved him so much and knew he loved her just as much.

"That is the weird thing, I don't know. She definitely called for a reason, but I am not 100% what. She...I know she talked about getting back together or...something like that." He stopped and immediately started talking faster and louder, "But, Mer, I told her I have found the love of my life and there was nothing that could take that away. She was never anything to me other than a…" That is when he stopped and for the first time ever, he felt shameful about this...a fuck buddy. He wasn't really that guy but, Jill was comfortable. He didn't have the time to put into a relationship and she was always there when the need was there.

"Is this what you have been nervous about?" Meredith asked curiously, not mocking, but just wondering.

"Well...yeah. Meredith, I love you and I want you...forever." He said very slowly and just above a whisper, "I can't have anything...stand in the way of that."

Meredith had tears coming to her eyes at hearing...forever. She wants forever, "Derek, You have me...forever. No matter what. That was your past and sometimes the past does have a way of coming back to haunt us. Whatever she wants, we will do it...and get through it together." She leaned in to touch his lips with hers, tenderly letting him know how much she loved him.

"Thank you." Is the only thing Derek could get out feeling all the love he had for her welling up inside him.

Meredith pulled back a little, "Do you think there is more to this...her contacting you now?" She was a woman and knew women didn't just call ex-boyfriends or...fuck buddies casually after some months of not talking or seeing one another.

"Honestly, I don't know. It felt like there was more she wasn't saying." Derek said sighing a bit.

"Are you okay?" Meredith asked.

"Me?" Derek was shocked, she was worried about him and how he was doing.

"No...Mark." She rolled her eyes playfully, "Yes, you." She said mocking, but loving.

"I am supposed to ask you that." He was stunned, she was so concerned for him.

"Derek, I mean, I will admit, I don't know exactly how this is supposed to work. You don't seem okay about this, and I am perfectly okay. I'm worry about you and want to make sure you are okay. I think this is how relationships work." Meredith said caringly, but giggling a little surprised at herself.

Derek just looked at her lovingly, "I...thank you. I am okay. I was only worried about you and what you might think. Mer, I will be honest with you; I have a feeling we haven't heard the last of her."

Meredith was a little curious about Jill and didn't want to ask too many questions right now and let it flow, but she needed to know, "Is she someone who would do something crazy?"

Derek shook his head, "I hope not, but…" He regretted this feeling in the bottom of his stomach telling him the possibility is there, "I can't really say for sure. She doesn't seem like the crazy type, but Mark thinks the possibility is there. I have talked to Mark about this. I should have just come to you first and for that, I am sorry."

Meredith squeezed his hand tight, "Derek, this really isn't anything, but I think it is adorable that you are really worried about me and my feelings. No one...has ever been so concerned. Just be honest, that is all you can do. Now, let's enjoy this beautiful evening together and not worry about this. If we hear from her again, we will deal with it as we go along. After...Chris, I learned I can handle anything that comes my way. I have learned that everything leads to something even better...I met you. I have felt guilty at times that through the tragedy, I found love...the most amazing love ever. Now, I realize that everything happens for a reason… everything...has a purpose."

"I love you. Meredith Grey, I love you so much." Derek couldn't say anything. He wrapped her up with his hands and held her close. He hoped they wouldn't hear from Jill anymore, but he had a feeling...a bad one...there was so much more to the story. But, for tonight, he was going to lay with the love of his life, out in the fresh air on his property...on the family property that he would be building on. The time was coming for him to seriously talk to Meredith about it and he couldn't wait. This was what life was about and he didn't want anything to ruin that.