Day 3 - Then
I'm not sure how I felt after my conversation with Trini. It seemed beneficial at first, but the more I thought about it, the more I came to realize that my head was a jumbled mess that I couldn't sort through.
I wasn't quite sure if Tommy was actively avoiding me, but any time that I would get near him, he would find a way or reason to be on the complete opposite end. I couldn't figure out why or even if it was true, but I couldn't shake the feeling. Shrugging it off came with a sting.
Instead of focusing my attention on that, I steered it back towards the other people on this trip with me. Jason had never seemed happier and Rocky was attached to the serving trays, swallowing anything that came out of the kitchen. Zack was taking advantage of the open bar. Trini, Aisha, and I were the only sane ones that were enjoying laying out and doing absolutely nothing. After the hike I just took in the morning, I needed it more than anything.
This was my time to vacation with all of my friends and destress from the workload that I have at home.
We eventually joined everyone else on the water as the chef prepared lunch for everyone.
We took turns jumping from the yacht into the water, seeing who could jump the farthest. We had regressed to a group of 16-year-old misfits that had seemed to find a family with each other. It was an afternoon that seemed to pass faster than anyone of us would have liked.
In a few days there would be more that would join our group and expand our family, but for now, we were content on it just being us.
I didn't want to change the most fun I've had in such a long time, that for a moment I seriously considered finding a way to convince Cole to stay back home. As soon as that thought came to mind, I pushed it away.
What's wrong with me?
"Back inside everyone," Jason called out to us in the water, "We're heading to the hot springs!"
Everyone quickly jumped back into the catamaran and we set off to the other side of the island where the volcanic activity liked to play.
The bartender became a makeshift guide as we cruised around. He told us all about how the mantle lived close to the surface of the earth, making the water warm all year round.
It was like Earth's natural hot tub. I could feel every muscle relaxing as we swam in the water. Slowly and tenderly, each ache that had been knotted on my body was carving away. I could happily live here for all eternity. There was just something special about the warm water against the cool breeze.
I never wanted to leave Santorini.
Back on the yacht, we ate a quick lunch and the afternoon slipped by with a mixture of cocktails and appetizers.
It was nice to leave all my worries behind. I had turned my phone off before we boarded earlier. I needed the moment to unplug from anything that could possibly be going on in the world and just live in today. I had sent Cole a quick message letting him know that I wouldn't talk to him until tomorrow and he never replied. I was sure that it was because he was still sleeping.
I thought about going down to my room for a moment to get a break from the sun but then realized that this opportunity wasn't going to come again for a while. I needed the sun. I needed to stretch out the day. It already felt like 24-hours wasn't enough time.
Instead, I opted to take my spot back on the net and bathe in the sunshine that had welcomed me.
I was prepared to get two shades darker by the time that night rolled around.
"Frying up nicely, huh?" I heard Tommy's soft snicker beside me.
"Do I have any other option?" I smiled.
I kept my eyes closed because the sun was blinding, but I didn't need to see to know that seeing him shirtless would leave my mouth feeling dry.
"Mind if I join you?"
"Not at all."
I scooted a little to the side to give him some room to join me. The net beside me shifted a little and it wasn't long before I felt his shoulder brushing up against mine.
We laid in silence as the sun hit our skin, solely concentrating on the sound of the water below us and the whistle of the wind.
"Enjoying yourself so far?"
"Actually, yeah. I don't think I've been this relaxed in a long time," I smiled. "What about you?"
"Me and relaxing haven't been a thing since I was a teenager," He sighed. "I can't even tell you the last time I had a vacation."
"That long, huh?"
"I do back-to-back deployments like it's going out of style," he chuckled. "I don't usually take leave either. I go back to the barracks and sleep until it's time to head back out."
"And I'm guessing you don't get much downtime when you're out there?"
"That would be a hard no," he chuckled.
"That must be hard."
I didn't really know what else to say to him. I know nothing about what he's actually been doing the last ten years. I'm sure now would be an appropriate time to ask since we're friends, but I can't seem to find the courage.
"I chose that life, right?" He sighed.
Life is full of decisions. Whether we choose right or wrong is something that we have to live with. The consequences are a product of our decisions. Things are never as black and white as they seem, but rather subjective. I could fill a thousand pages about how I think Tommy choosing to leave was the wrong thing to do, but I'm not him. Maybe for him, he could write the opposite. Maybe his decision to leave was the right one. He's not my story to tell.
"You had better options," I whispered and winced as the words fled my mouth.
When I gulped, I felt the taste of regret in the back of my throat.
"I'm sorry," I sat up and shook my head, "I don't know why I said that."
He sat up too but didn't look towards me, instead he fixed his gaze over to the distance. It was difficult to decipher what he was thinking.
"It's alright," he nodded. "I just did what I thought was right at the time."
The silence between us grew again. This wasn't how I wanted our conversation to go, but I'm still struggling to find the right words when I'm around him. I could apologize again, but I think I would only do more damage. We had a good time this morning with zero silence. It was like we had just fallen back to when nothing had ever come between us. Now… I just wanted to disappear.
"I didn't thank you for what you did last night."
"Last night?" He asked.
"Yeah, you know, with the guy at the bar?"
"Oh," he chuckled and that instantly settled my heart. "You don't have to thank me. I shouldn't have stepped in and done what I did."
"I know," my head dipped, "but it's nice to know that when I do need the help, I have you guys to step in. Sometimes guys can't take no for an answer and it needs someone to beat it in them. I'm glad I didn't have to be the one to do it."
He gave me that carefree laugh that made me fall for him in the first place. The one that played in the background of all of my dreams and memories of him. "If you ever need me to punch someone's face in then I'm your guy."
"Thanks," I laughed. "I'll definitely keep that in mind."
I think that I've imagined myself in this exact position before. When I pictured Santorini as a naive seventeen-year-old girl, I pictured myself here, on the water, on a boat, drifting off to sea in the most delicious way. I'd stare out at the horizon and be mesmerized and then I'd stare down at my hand and see the ring that tethered me and Tommy together for life. It was us. It was always us because I never imagined a moment when it wasn't.
Tommy and I in this magical place that had so much history and adventure to explore. Every stone left unturned held a slice of something more. Ten days wouldn't be enough time here.. I don't even think a lifetime was enough to tire of this beauty.
But then life moved on, hearts were broken, life was lived and old dreams were eradicated and new ones were created. I pictured myself here, again, but the person beside me was no longer Tommy. It was a faceless image of a man that I thought was going to be filled by Cole. So why is it that when I close my eyes, all I see is Tommy?
"Reapply," Trini called out to me, breaking me from my thoughts.
"Huh?" I lifted my head.
"Skin cancer is real, ya know," She pointed towards the bottle of sunscreen beside me. "Save yourself the headache later."
Trini was like the older sister I wished I had but as she aged, she started behaving more like my mother.
"Thanks for the reminder, mom," I teased.
She flipped me off in return. I loved her.
I squired a bit of the lotion in my hand and thoroughly applied it all over my chest, arms, and legs. Flexibility has always come natural to me, so it was difficult to reach my back either. Once I was safely protected, I offered some to Tommy.
"There you go," I said, passing the bottle to him.
"Nah, I think I'm good."
"Right," I rolled my eyes, "Mr. tough guy can fight off UV rays."
"Do you think I could?"
"I don't think you're quite there yet," I giggled. "but seriously, if you don't put anything on, Trini will lecture me to death, so… please?"
He shook his head but took the bottle and began applying it on himself. He lathered the white lotion down his chest and shoulders, making sure to go over all the exposed skin. It took every single piece of self-control to not go over there and assist him in rubbing down his muscles.
I did a great job of it, but I couldn't keep my eyes off of him. It was like I was in a trance, staring at the glisten of every muscle that reflected off the sun. I couldn't help it.
I blame it on the sunscreen. The scent was like the summer of ninety-five.
Damn it. I can't lie to myself. He is still one of the most attractive men I have ever had the pleasure of seeing.
Did he just flex? Stop staring!
What the hell am I doing?
"You alright over there," he grinned.
"Yeah," I swallowed, "Maybe I've had a little too much sun. I should probably head inside for a little bit."
"Go ahead."
He was still smiling.
Did he see me staring? I mean, clearly, he did. I didn't do that great of a job at hiding it.
"Okay." I stood up, feeling the heat that I swear wasn't there before.
He watched me get up, his eyes glued to me and it was then that I became conscious of how little clothes I had been wearing. It was a moss green two-piece I had picked up before my trip.
He's seen me in less, so really, what's the big deal? Except that it was while I was still so young. I had the body of a prepubescent boy. I've grown and developed! I have curves and hips and… more of everything.
This new body of mine was reserved for Cole and I didn't entirely enjoy being ogled… or maybe what I was feeling was his inevitable comparison of my new body to my old one… or worse, the one of his current girlfriend.
I walked back inside, but I could see his gaze on the glass windows… and they never left me.
Author note: More to come soon :) Hope you're enjoying!