"When James said 'kill me' in Charms, this wasn't where I thought that would go."
Everyone turned to face Sirius who was turning different shades under a collective stare. "Yeah, I shouldn't have said that." He muttered his expression chagrined.
"You think?" Severus remarked but everyone was back to staring at the unconscious figure in front of them.
Lily felt her cheeks ache. She had been distraught for the past hour, tears flowing freely as she had to recount how it all happened to everyone who asked. She was there when it happened, when she and James were back in the Common Room opening their mail. Nothing prepared her for where they were at now, and to think it had started normally.
"Hey Evans." She remembered how she ignored him in favour of opening her letter from her parents. She used to get more letters, from Tuney actually, before she stopped writing at all. Everything she knew about her older sister came from her parents, who wrote back about how they missed her and Tuney did as well, but she knew what they really could not say.
That Petunia hated her.
"What's in the mail?" He pestered her again.
"Just a letter." She said, not looking at James in the hope that he would get bored and leave. She wasn't so lucky.
"From the parents?" He asked curiously, then waved a letter at her. "Mine too."
"That's nice." She said, before glancing at the pile of envelopes next to the boy. "Is that all yours?"
"Why Evans, are you impressed by the amount of fan mail I get?"
She huffed. This is what getting nice with Potter got her. An obnoxious reply. "You're hopeless."
"Not according to this letter." He said, furnishing a pink sheet of paper. "This says I'm quite charming."
"Uh huh." Lily said, moving on to her scrolls, unimpressed.
"I'm serious." James said, without an ounce of seriousness in him. "She says she likes how my eyes look like a shade of honey. Look, she even signed her name with hearts and everything!"
"Did you consider that it might be a prank letter?" She said, now interested in the letter itself. Her eyes found incriminating evidence. "Here, look."
James read closely. "Hair like a wet Hippogriff," He frowned. "Maybe she meant it in a nice way."
"It's not a she, Potter. Look at the handwriting."
James furrowed his brow before grumpily uttering, "Sirius, you are so in for it tonight."
Lily snorted. "So all of this is basically your friends writing you fake letters?"
"No!' James' voice rose in pitch. "I just got 2 letters. The rest is my friends. Sirius doesn't get nice mail so I get it for him, Remus and Peter are embarrassed about their parents or something. It's a bother on some days," he widened his eyes before adding, "but don't tell them that."
Lily could not hide her surprise. "Are you responsible for something that you don't like doing, Potter? I'm surprised."
"Hey!" James said affronted. "I can be responsible plenty, Evans. I help around when I'm asked." His expression turned sly. "Especially if you needed help of any kind."
"I'm good, thanks."
James coughed. "Not at Transfiguration."
Lily whipped her head back, irritated at the boy. "What was that?"
"Nothing!" He said quickly. "Just that sometimes I'm good at stuff, then I'm not good at stuff. Like Charms, I'm pants at it. You should have asked Sirius what I said, I was ready to di—"
"What was that about Transfiguration?" She asked. "I'm not deaf."
She might have been a little happy about James squirming but he did reply. "You aren't bad at it, you're just confused."
Lily narrowed her eyes. "Explain."
James gave her an uneasy smile. "Well, it's kinda like this. You're great at the writing and stuff, but Transfiguration comes from here," he pointed to his chest. "Not from here." He pointed to his head.
Lily scoffed. "That's not true. You're just making that up."
"I am not making that up." James said indignantly. "Let's do one now." He looked around the room searching for something before grasping a button. "Here, turn it into a beetle. Easy enough." He glanced at Lily. "Unless you can't."
"But we transfigure beetles into buttons, not the other way around!"
James smirked. "So, you can't."
Lily grabbed her wand with determination, ignoring James and focused fervently on turning the button into a beetle. She was going to prove him wrong. Any moment now, the button would turn into an insect. Any moment now—
"Stuck huh?"
Lily grit her teeth before trying again. But the button kept squirming without turning into a beetle. She stopped, glaring at James. "Are you happy?" She moved to leave but James stopped her.
"No, that's not what I meant. I just want to help you get better!"
James paused then gave Lily a deadpan look. "Is this really that hard to believe?"
Lily nodded quickly. James pinched his nose before he spoke again. "Okay so you're turning a button to a beetle. How do you start?"
Lily started speaking from memory. "Well, Transfiguration involves the separate stages of converting—"
"No, no, not that." James waved his hands dismissively. "That's for the writing." He pointed again. "Here, not here." Lily gave him a warning look before he continued. "What were you thinking about when you started?"
"I wanted to turn a button into a beetle."
"But besides that?"
"What do you want to think about apart from that?" Lily was confused.
"Everything!" James exclaimed. "How are they different? How are they similar?" He paused. "How are they the same?"
"They aren't," Lily continued. "And if you're going to point at yourself again, I will hex you."
"Fair." James conceded. "But until you know how they're the same you can't start the process."
Lily struggled at first, but she realized James had a point. She was making it more complex than it had to be. Once she knew that, she started connecting the dots. "One's living and one's not. But they're both made of hard stuff and they're small."
"See? That's it. That's where you start. Now you go on from there with whatever you were doing." James finished.
With renewed enthusiasm, she started again. Hard shell, small size. She repeated in her mind. Hard shell, small size. She closed her eyes.
A cackle from James made her open her eyes. The button had grown legs and antlers, but its back was still made of button. He whooped, surprising her.
"You did it!"
"I did." Lily said slowly, astonished she could even do such a thing.
"See, I told you." James repeated, triumphant. "That's really all there is to it."
"I still didn't get it to change completely." Lily felt slightly miffed. She had seen James in class and he made his spell-work look far more effortless.
"Merlin, Evans." The boy looked baffled. "Half our class can't even do this and you're still complaining about how it could be better."
"But then how else is it supposed to be good, Potter?"
The answer must have surprised James because he laughed. "I keep forgetting how mental you can be sometimes."
"What do you mean?" She tried to look cross but James was too cheerful to be bothered.
"Y'know, you're always doing stuff first, answering the teacher and turning in homework at the earliest. I don't know how you do it, I'd just go insane trying to be that."
"Maybe you could if you aren't just sitting in class not paying attention."
James chuckled. "I'd like to see you pay attention to stuff that really isn't that difficult."
"That doesn't mean it's easy." Lily countered.
"If I know how to do it and all I need to know is the different ways to do it, then Transfiguration isn't hard." He beamed, and Lily felt she was getting something annoying in return. "Charms on the other hand, I could use some help."
She blinked. That was it? Then she sighed. "…this was a ploy to get me to help you with Charms, wasn't it?"
James plopped down next to a package one of his friends got. "Don't let anyone tell you that you aren't perceptive, Evans." He turned to her. "My lesson?"
"In the library." She said, smiling secretly. James looked aghast.
"But I did it here."
"You did and you're sweet for that. But I'm doing it in the library." Lily replied.
James opened his mouth and closed it. He smiled. "I'll hold you to that, Evans."
She waved him away. Maybe she shouldn't have turned away, before James opened one of the letters. She didn't hear this, but a minute later she did want to see a glimpse of James before going down to eat. He was lying down on the floor and she honestly thought he was asleep. Stupid!
She went to attempt waking him up, but a voice came out. "Don't…" It sounded like James trying to whisper.
"Potter?" She said, moving closer now.
"Help." He said, his voice strangled.
"James?" The boy was twitching uncontrollably, and Lily couldn't move, frozen in fear.
"ME!" James screamed, and Lily fell back startled. She had to find help. Something bad was going on.
"I'll be right back!" She shrieked, stumbling out of the common room and diving past the portrait. Who could she get now? Professor McGonagall? Headmaster Dumbledore?
"Oof!" A wizened voice said, and she found that she collided into the rotund belly of Professor Slughorn.
"My dear Miss Evans, where are you off to in a hurry?" He chuckled, but Lily couldn't share his jolly mood.
"Professor, James—he's dying, in the common room!"
Slughorn's eyebrows rose up. Distantly, Lily wondered if he humoured her because he liked her as a student, but for now all she wanted was help.
"Where?" He said briskly, as they began to move faster back to the Gryffindor dorms.
"The common rooms." Lily wringed her hands. "But I don't know how—"
"Not to worry," he waved his wand at the portrait of the Fat Lady. "House boundaries don't extend to professors." He heard the reason of this concern. "Oh dear."
They rushed to find James making a guttural noise lying down on the floor, just as Lily left him. For a second guilt overtook her, before she focussed on Slughorn.
"Your scarf, m'dear."
Puzzled, she handed over the red and gold cloth to the man who then wrapped it around something small. James stopped shuddering. "A cursed item. Evil. How did it make its way here?" He muttered, which Lily caught.
"Professor?" Lily asked. "Will he be alright?"
"He's lucky you were here to help." Slughorn looked serious. "Tell your Head of house about this, and if anyone forgets do not let them touch James or the cursed artifact itself." He gestured to her impatiently. "Go now. I will contact the Headmaster."
The last Lily saw before leaving to inform the others was her Potions professor levitating an unconscious James Potter.
X-X
"Where's James Potter?" Peter asked.
The receptionist fixed one lazy eye at him, before she looked down at something. Peter couldn't peer over the desk. He felt even more annoyed about his lack of height now than ever before.
"James Potter, fourth floor, Ward 49."
He left without a thanks, sprinting up the stairs. The door on his left said "49" and he burst through and his resolve sank low. James was propped on a bed, looking as pale as the wall behind him. Around him were Remus, Sirius, Lily and Snape. His parents were on their way, Peter hoped.
"Where were you?" Sirius said, glaring at him.
"Sirius, stop." Remus said, looking tired.
"No, this needs to happen. The package was in your name. The curse came from the package. Where were you?"
Peter was taken aback at how confrontational this was going, but in his mind, some small part of him agreed with Sirius.
"I was in the castle, same as you all."
"You weren't at breakfast, Peter. Or any of the other classrooms." Remus joined in.
"Of course I wasn't. We didn't have anything to do until lunch. Why would I avoid any of you?"
"You were trying to avoid me when you went past hours before, Parker. Do you expect anyone here to believe that?" Snape raised an eyebrow.
Although the tension was forcing them on edge, Peter found some relief in his vindication that people would notice. Apparently they have, and without James being in horrible danger, he found little reason to see them not aired. "Alright, alright. I was at Dumbledore's office."
"The headmaster?" Snape looked a little pinched.
"Wait, why were you at Dumbledore's office?" Remus asked a little surprised.
"No reason!"
"Doesn't sound like nothing." Sirius narrowed his eyes.
"It's happened before, I think." Remus said. "Every morning I asked him where he left. This might be why."
"Even stranger. Why go to his office repeatedly?" Sirius asked.
Lily shook her head. "Something happened to James and none of us were there to help him. Peter is just as much to blame as every one of us."
That was a lie, a big one. Peter realized something had to give. He had to give in.
"No." He said quietly.
"What?" Snape said out loud.
Peter breathed in. "I am to blame. The reason I went to that office a lot of times, is that someone is trying to harm me. Someone tried to get to me through that letter. It should have been me."
"But why?" Sirius said. "Why you?"
Peter gnashed his teeth. "I don't know." He said.
"But you can guess." Remus said. "Or you have."
Peter's mind went a mile a minute. "My dad works at the ministry. DMLE."
"But wouldn't it be more incentive to kidnap you for ransom in that case?" Remus asked, then found everyone turning to look at him. "What?"
"Wow Remus, I didn't know you had a criminal mind." Sirius grinned.
Snape tsked. "It's obvious that Parker wasn't a hostage target, we have the minister's son in our school. This feels personal. It feels like somebody wanted to curse you."
"I know some handy swears." Sirius supplied.
"Black, there's a time and a place for being insufferable. I meant the ones where people cast long term area effects that's full of pain, misery and suffering." Replied Snape.
"Like a generational curse. You think it's your dad's enemies or something?" Remus pondered.
"If it's his father's enemies it's troubling. If it's something else, it's seriously disturbing." Sirius grimaced.
"We should be talking about this to the Aurors. They deal with this sort of thing, right?" Lily asked hesitantly.
"There's probably an investigation already." Peter said.
"Or maybe not." Sirius replied. Snape frowned but nodded.
"What do you mean?" Peter asked.
"We are in a school where people who send us here pay for it." Snape gestured. "What happens when this news breaks out? We might have letters coming in telling us to pack up and come home. Why would they say anything if it means they lose Galleons?"
"Would we go back then?" Lily asked.
Peter looked back at the figure in the hospital bed. "No. James needs us. And we need to do something to find this monster who thinks hurting my friends is a good idea."
Sirius shrugged. "Personally, I was going to say my crazy parents are a more serious death risk than cursed magic. But I can't argue against a better motive."
"So where do we start looking?"
They had Flooed back and immediately wanted answers. The mood was quickly growing grim, and Peter found himself agreeing that action was better than inaction.
"I don't have a solid idea." Peter wracked his brain for answers but still felt he was coming up short.
"But you have a plan?"
Peter let a loud exhale as Sirius continued, "Well, someone has to. Might as well be our dashing Dumbledore sidekick."
Peter replied. "I am not a sidekick. Or Dumbledore's for that matter. We need to spread out and find places people don't bother to look."
Lily spoke up. "If they didn't bother to look, how would we know where to look?"
"Yeah, bit confusing that." Sirius agreed.
Severus pinched his brow. "You keep talking in circles. Parker makes some sense at least. Anything that the school has blocked off, or sealed is a good place to start. I might know a few routes the prefects use."
Sirius stared at the boy. "How in Merlin's name did you do that?"
"I didn't actually. Xeno did."
"Lovegood? That's sneaky for a Ravenclaw."
Remus bit his lip before replying, "Maybe we aren't looking further back in time. This is a castle right? So there might be something people used to fight with tricks and stuff. Somewhere weapons are hidden."
Lily answered instantly, as if a spark of an idea went off in her mind. "Hogwarts: A History mentions the castle has tunnels. Maybe that's a start?"
"Lily, that's brilliant! Okay, we work our way through all the way to the top." Peter clapped his hands.
"And then?" Snape challenged.
Peter replied, "We'll start with what we have. We'll see where these secret rooms and tunnels go, then we meet back here."
They started to move. "We are lucky this is a Sunday." Everyone looked at him for that sudden remark. "What, you want to balance this and going to a class?" Sirius asked.
"I don't mind." Lily said. Remus and Snape shrugged in agreement.
"You're all hopeless. At least Peter's with me on this."
Soft afternoon turned to pale red dusk. Hours later, they met, pink in the face and still without answers.
"So, what did you find?" Peter prompted.
"The tunnels go to Hogsmeade. One of them is caved in, but I think the other two just go back to one of the shops." Sirius answered
"We did get into the dusty rooms. I didn't see anything worth doing." Lily added.
"All we have is the seventh floor. Anything in the books about it?" Snape asked.
"No. Not much actually. Well, apart from the time there was a party in there. Remember that? Good times." Sirius elbowed Peter good-naturedly, but he wasn't feeling it.
"Well, is it possible someone's hiding in that room?" Peter asked out loud. It was too convenient, he reckoned.
"How would I know? I know we went there; I don't know if someone's hiding in it." Sirius replied, arms raised up in cluelessness.
"Then we'll check." Remus said, and everyone couldn't say no to it.
Hogwarts, even without a sense of urgency for going places, took its time to act like a maze. The stairs switched floors on a whim, and it was still a climb.
"There's nothing here. It's a wall." Lily said. Which was true, there was indeed a wall and there was nothing else on this floor.
"We didn't hallucinate New Year's, did we? There should be a door right there, about twice as tall as Peter and about as wide. Oof!" Sirius joked, and got elbowed by Peter. Remus sighed.
"Enough. It's clear whatever it is, it can be sealed." Snape declared.
"But who would seal it from the inside? Wouldn't that just trap you inside?" Lily asked.
"We need to open it." Sirius said, resolute.
"No, we need to get Dumbledore. You want to face whatever's in there like this? We can't even cast a spell in class without someone losing eyebrows." Remus said.
Peter closed his eyes, pinching his brows. The situation was hopeless. He needed to find the Death Eater who targeted him. Was it Mad-Eye's intel that gave him away? A Seer, even a false one was always sought out, and Voldemort was always going to seek abilities like that. He needed to find the place the stranger would hide in. He needed to find where the danger waited, hidden in shadows. He needed to find Voldemort's play here.
"Did you lot just see a door appear out of thin air?" Sirius whistled.
"Wait, it worked!" Peter found himself saying, letting the words fall out in one quick exhale.
Snape thinned his lips. "Okay, then someone needs to go back and warn the Headmaster and professors."
Sirius asked, "Lily, would you—"
"No!" She reacted loudly, as it struck by something. "I mean, sorry. It's just—the last time, it was James. I don't want to—I can't—"
Remus nodded. "I'll go. If I show up, Professor Dumbledore will know it's serious." They all looked around at each other, then Sirius barked in laughter.
"I knew you weren't just playing teacher's pet for laughs! See ya, Remus!"
With one of them going back to sound the bell, they hushed as the door opened.
"Eerily quiet, isn't it?" Sirius whispered.
"How do we fight something that doesn't want to be seen?" Lily asked.
"Keep shields up and pray." Snape remarked.
Then, they all saw it. A burst of purple light, it smashed into them, like a tidal wave, and they were all bowled over. Peter fought to keep himself conscious, but his head snapped fast backwards like a whip, and he felt like he was shattering from the back of his head. The last thing he saw were thick boots, cloaked by a dark cloak, as he lost the struggle against staying awake.
X-X
"Rise and shine. Hopefully the rising part, don't want you to shine now do we?"
Every blink hurt him. Thick light surrounded him, the voice seemed to echo everywhere and nowhere at once. Was he concussed? He couldn't tell. Whoever has them captive liked to talk.
"Peter Parker? May I call you Peter? No, too familiar. I'll call you Pettigrew. Imagine my shock when I see you here, in Hogwarts, 22 years separated."
"22? What are you saying?" Something about the way the voice said it trickled fear in his belly. He knew Pettigrew. He knew him. But he had to stall. Remus was bringing Dumbledore.
"Bringing your victims into the same mess you're in, classic. Not thinking about whether it's the right thing to do, typical. Trying to find me here? Predictable. Ah, but your friends aren't my target, that's always been you. Should be obvious if you notice they're knocked out."
Could he feel his wand? Or was it knocked out his hand? Maybe an Accio, maybe he could blind this man with a Lumos. But did he know how far away at wandpoint he was? Could he reliably move out the way of a sickly curse?
"Oh no, this isn't something you can wrangle out of by talking, Pettigrew. You've tried it on better men and it worked. Lucky for you, I'm no better than you are. Am I?"
Then he felt it. Raw, incessant fire everywhere. He was burning from the inside out. This wasn't an Unforgivable, but he couldn't think straight enough to find what it was.
"I don't usually torture, but I've really been searching for you, you understand how impatient I can be, right? It always irked you. Riddles aren't usually my style but I can't help but play. Tell me the answer and the pain stops, real simple. Oh, wait, I haven't done my big reveal. Should I? I think you might already know."
His body turned, not of its own accord and Peter felt like he was spit roasted meat over a fire. The blinding lights cast this enemy in a thick silhouette, darkness in a sea of bright.
"I haven't said the riddle yet. Shall we play? You guess right, you'll know my name."
"First there were four,
Betrayal made three,
Two made one poor,
Then killed the other free."
All along. All his sins. All his pain. Given form. Given shape.
Given vengeance.
"I'm sorry…Sirius."
The older man paused before replying. "Are you? I doubt it. Seems like you're going to do to them what you did to us."
"I wouldn't." Sirius Black died in the Ministry, unless something happened that brought him back. Was it the same deal Peter got? Was it worth it?
"Really? Well it wasn't your wand pointed at James and Lily, so your conscience is free."
"It wasn't what I wanted." Peter tasted blood and realized he was biting his cheeks to the point of tearing them apart.
"You made a choice. It is what you wanted." Sirius said, his face still visible but gaunt, dark.
"I can't say or do anything other than repent. You want to kill me then? As retribution?" What was it? Denial, bargain, acceptance? Where was Peter at right now in that cycle?
"Oh no, I'm not going to yet. If you're here and I'm here, we both had to die for that to happen. I only need to know how you died."
A sudden rush of indignation coursed through Peter. "You nearly killed James."
"Ah, nearly killed right? As opposed to actually killed?" Sirius replied.
"He's in a coma because of you! You hurt him!" Peter didn't realize he was yelling.
A pause. "That was regrettable. I never wanted to hurt him."
"But you did! To get what you wanted you didn't care who got hurt, who would get hurt. You're a ghost without a point, a man out of time. Like me."
Sirius' face oozed sheer loathing. "I may be like you, but I'm never you."
Peter slumped, still curled up in pain. "You never had to be."
"What does that mean, Peter?"
"March 15th, 1981."
"What, are you trying to ask me to remember? I'm the one torturing you here."
"You know what happened, don't you Sirius? You made your choice."
He must have annoyed Sirius because the reply sounded closer to his ears, and he felt the spittle. "What are you blabbering about, idiot?"
"The mission in Blackpool. You made a choice, go in and out. But you took something of mine."
"You're making no sense. I Portkeyed in and out of there, if you're trying to say I was killing Death Eaters—"
"You never consciously kill, do you Sirius? There were 2 Portkeys, both made by me."
"Yes, there was. I was going to give it to Remus, he was surprising you with something. Are you getting mopey on me now?"
"One took you back to HQ, the other you dropped at the site. You want to know what happened to the one you left behind, or guess where that Portkey went?"
He swallowed, white hot rage coursing through him. "It went to my house. My house, where my mother was blissfully unaware of any of this. I didn't even bring her into Order business, I always said I was out with friends. She never bothered to ask more, or maybe she never cared why as long as I was back home safe." Fear and rage coursed through him in equal measure, recounting what happened.
"I was back home that night, but the house was anything but safe. All I could do was pick up the pieces, because of some stupid notion of trying to make me happy."
"I'm truly sorry about all of this. But you know, as well as I do, that I would never have joined the Order if I thought we could not win. I went above and beyond what was asked of me, of us. Yet, for all our protections, and for all the secrecy, it wasn't you that killed my mother."
"It was ignorance. And what is ignorance, if not the root of all evil?"
"I was always a neurotic, trembling mess. After that, I was never in the same room you were. I didn't want to think of what I wanted to do to you. My home was destroyed, and even asking Dumbledore, the best I could do was find a room at the Cauldron."
"Here's something you'll find funny. The whole reason I know all of this? Voldemort. I put up a brave face, but he didn't send any of his grunts. It was just me and him, and save for Dumbledore I doubt anyone ever has a chance against him. Bound, cut and half bleeding to death, I was told the reason my mother was dead was because of you and the Order. I had nothing left to lose except my friendships, so I tried my best to say no. Something snarky, like you or James would say. But he did strike at something I was already upset about: you. All I needed to do was play along."
Sirius shook with ill-disguised temper. "You killed James and Lily. And you have the gall to say you were justified?" He roared.
"No. We were both not justified. I made the bigger mistake; we both know that." Peter sighed.
Then he snarled. "But I want you to know beyond a shadow of a doubt, I truly, deeply wanted to hurt you for what you did. And I know you feel the same way. All you did was give me a reason, and that reason was enough."
All the venom, his bubbling fear, his rage, his hell. They all simmered down. Peter spoke again, a more cautious and measured voice. "Before you go ahead, if I do die. I have parents here, good people, kind people. If you want to torture me till death, stay and fix everything. You know what went wrong. Protect them. They can't be subject to the immortal monster with his army and Horcruxes."
This prompted Sirius to break out in giggles, small at first then climbing higher to raucous laughter. Jeering, hissing. Cruel amusement.
"Did you just say Horcruxes? Holy shit, you were really sucking up to Voldemort if he told you this. Oh, you're just giving me more reasons to kill you if you go crawling back to him."
Peter felt blood dripping down his nose. "Not Voldemort, Dumbledore."
"Where on Earth did you meet Dumbledore? Flourish and Blotts?"
The incredulity made Peter draw a raspy chuckle. "Hah, no. In between I think, when I was dead there was this cloudy place. He was there as well, he died."
"Dumbledore died? How?"
"I heard it was Snape. Sirius, no. Are you really going to hurt the little kid here because Snape in our world killed him?"
Sirius didn't speak, in another unsettling pause. "I don't hurt children. You're an exception, and James was an accident. Not remotely what I meant."
"You are going to kill me." There was finality in the declaration, and Peter knew he was marked for it. No way to run, no way to escape.
"I'm not sure I won't kill you. You're the same person who sold us out, tortured Harry and killed his classmate. You're still a sad sack of flesh that brought back Voldemort and tried to kill us all. That said, I want to shake the hand of the person who finally did you in."
Resentment, ugly and vile. Guilt, added in like a volatile potion ingredient. "You're looking at him."
Sirius moaned, perhaps in disbelief. "Oh Merlin, don't tell me you killed yourself because you didn't see a way out."
"No, I hesitated. In my heart, I couldn't bring myself to strangle Harry. The arm Voldemort gave me thought otherwise."
"Kindness and goodness, you? Next you'll be telling me you're a source of hope for the known world."
A vague idea formed in Peter's head. This was not a fight he could win. Not like this. "So far, I've told Dumbledore about this. And he might have told Moody. Now, I know you think you can leave me for dead and walk out of here. But with Dumbledore in the loop, how long until he realizes it's you?"
"He couldn't possibly know that. You're waffling."
Peter grinned, licking his split lips, feeling them ballooned in the hurt he collected so far. "Am I? Go ahead. Two words. Say it and watch what happens when the wizard Voldemort fears is on your case. For killing a child and the best source of information on the Death Eaters. I doubt he would be too kind on a man who isn't supposed to exist."
"In any case, Dumbledore isn't all seeing. I could be done with you and out of here in minutes."
"Slight problem with that, Sirius. Dumbledore's on his way."
"How?"
"Remus."
Sirius' eyebrows narrowed and perched even angrier. "Threatening me, are you Peter? Suddenly, a spine is grown." He leered.
"I'm warning you. This chance we have, this opportunity—it's bigger than the both of us. I've been struggling with the better part of a year trying to work with Dumbledore. We've both been handed something many people would kill for."
"Heh. You've changed a little. Threats, calling in big names. No weaselling out yet. I've been waiting a long time, longer than you maybe. I never realized you died to come here, by your own hand no less. It would be funny if it wasn't so pathetic. Actually, it's pretty funny."
"Glad you agreed not to kill me."
Sirius shook his head. "Mark me down for an 'undecided'. I didn't expect you using the Snivellus tactic of hiding behind Dumbledore."
"This coming from a man hiding away to kill someone? Before and after you died?"
"You're unusually on point with the counterpoints, Pettigrew. Drink any Wit-Sharpening potion lately?"
"I've had a lot of time to reflect. Now if you could help my friends, that would be nice."
"Oh, your friends, are they?"
"Sirius."
"Fine, I'll just do a little Mind magic and they'll not bother." Peter tried to sit upright, but found himself shaking. He sat lopsided, feeling dangerously close to keeling over.
"I can't keep hiding this from them." Whatever he said had broke the dam of anger and vengeance, prompting Sirius to spew whatever he held back in measure.
"Why not? You were great at it when you sold us out, you snake. Holding it over their heads, everything they ever did—you know them, don't you? I wonder when you're planning to tell kid Remus that you'll kill his friends in 10 years? No? What about little Snape, knowing he's going to snuff Dumbledore; wouldn't that be a treat? Oh, and what about that icebreaker you could drop on baby James and Lily? 'Hi, you will marry in 9 years, die in 10, and I'm the one responsible for killing you!' You little weasel, you disgusting pile of sanctimonious hypocritical garbage. You pretend you can just close your eyes and ignore everything you did? Because of what, Dumbledore's ghostly endorsement? You know you can't even spell out what you did, let alone speak out about it. Every day I was your friend, every day we thought you were our friend—I can't even look back at Hogwarts and not think about what you did!"
"You're wrong. I did speak about it, to Dumbledore."
"Oh, that's just wonderful. Did he love the part where he snuffs it too? Or did you just not tell him, like you did everyone? Oh good lord, you actually didn't tell him but he knew anyway, didn't he? Pettigrew, you're getting predictable."
Maybe it was the position he found himself in, but Peter had no more walls to hide under. Words fell out of his mouth, gathering speed faster than his mind could temper them.
"Dumbledore knows about what I did. He knows what I did was inexcusable, even if he speaks otherwise. Every day I'm helping him is a day that ensures everyone we know doesn't die. Maybe I'll deserve what I get. Some day, years later in this mirror world, I'll die. Maybe I'll come close to it, or I'll wish I was dead. Maybe I even cause my own death. But not the people here. They must be alive, Sirius. Kind people, people who didn't walk through a war and come out alive but dead inside, unlike us. We're here for a reason. We may not like each other, and maybe I don't expect you to. Either way, if you want to kill me, do it. But save everyone here. You know what's coming, you know who's coming. If you can live with that knowledge like I am right now, do the right thing. But know this—that man you hate died, just like you did. You're holding onto something that doesn't give you much in this world. I don't know if I'm the boy with only the memories, or the man stuck inside this tiny person. Sometimes I wake up and I don't know who I am. Sometimes I'm Pettigrew, sometimes I'm Parker. Other times I want to drown in the lake and forget a monster's coming, because it would be the easy thing. But it wouldn't be right."
"That's our gift and our curse. You can feel it too, can't you? The uncanny way this place is, like a Pensieve. Memories walking alongside you, but it paralyzes you to even think any of it's real."
Silence. Then, a snort. "Yeah, I didn't ask about your sob story. Take me to Dumbledore, right after I sort your little friends out."
"Sirius." Peter drew his attention. "I won't ask for a promise. I've broken many before, and the way things are going, I may break a lot of them again. But would you?"
"Would I make sure everyone I know and love lived to old age? Yes. But not for you. Never for you."
"It's all I can ask." Peter cupped his head in his hands, trying to stop the world from spinning. Perhaps he could stand, perhaps he could fall. It did not matter.
The door to the Room of Requirement burst open like it was punched through.
It took a global pandemic (and then some) for me to update the story. I know, I know, I'm despicable and I torture you with wait times longer than Half Life 3. But as a bonus, there's one more chapter now in one upload than before. That's nice, right? Anyway, special thanks to zrose for including this story in The Best Time Travel Stories community and to Amu4ever for getting me off my unfinished drafts to continue on this writing journey. And a thank you to nadasnape and TheyCallMePenguin, for giving me a final push towards this.
On a more story related note, this was what I struggled with getting to, or rather I wasn't sure if this was the best way to move forward. I dislike time skips without good reason, but writing all 7 years would also be unwise. I had a set ending in mind (spoilers) but I could not work out how I wanted it to be resolved. Going over story notes from a year ago is just prompting me to re-edit them (and I am!). There are more chapters in the works, more mayhem waiting. But if there is one thing to take away from this, it's that I am back.