For a fleeting moment before she opened her eyes, Jo felt truly content, wrapped up in warm, hazy memories of last night.
Then the world started to spin.
She sat up, leaned over the side of her bunk and vomited onto the floor.
She had thought the alcohol had burned going down, but it was nothing compared to now as it resurfaced.
Her fellow soldiers groaned and swore as she emptied the contents of her stomach on the floor of the barracks.
"Looks like someone had too much fun last night," Vargas called from accross the room. Jo glanced upwards, her vision obscured by messy hair that hung in front of her eyes. She could just make out the look of disgust and pity on the other woman's face before another wave of nausea crashed over her.
"Oh shit," she heard Murdoch cry out over the echo of her wretching. He sat down behind her and pulled the hair away from her face, though it was already a lost cause.
Eventually, she had nothing left to purge, though her body couldn't seem to stop trying. She was left shaking and pale, staring at the puddle of sick on the floor and gasping for breath.
Murdoch still held her hair with one hand, and he was rubbing her back gently.
"Come on, let's get you to the shower," he murmured, peeling the sheets away from her body carefully. Her vault suit was soaked in sweat and splashed with vomit and the idea of a shower sounded wonderful.
Jo stood on wobbly legs, still feeling lightheaded and nauseaus and still feeling drunk. She tried to protest when Murdoch barked out orders to some unlucky squire to clean up the mess she had left, but he ignored her and continued to lead her from the room.
The showers emptied quickly once the occupants saw Johanna stumble in, covered in bile and smelling of sour whiskey, but not before they made sounds of disgust and shot her dirty looks.
"Your bitch better learn to hold her liquor next time," one of the knights called on his way out.
"Shut the fuck up, man," Murdoch growled, gripping Johanna's arms so tightly that it hurt. She suspected that he was trying his hardest not to lunge at the other man so she kept her complaints to herself.
The knight laughed loudly, his voice an echo off the steel walls that made her head pound.
"What the hell were you thinking Polowski?" Murdoch snapped, turning his attention to her.
"I'm sorry," she said shyly, watching him as he turned on the water.
"That's not good enough," he told her as he took the elastic out of her hair.
He was mad, but still surprisingly gentle as he unweaved the remains of her braid with his long fingers.
"I'm never going to drink again," she told him, meaning it wholeheartedly.
"Moderation. That's the word of the day, Princess. Figured you'd be smart enough not to drink the whole bottle. I guess 'genius' is an empty title around here."
She gave him a weak smile as he stared at her.
After a moment, he returned it.
"I really am sorry. If I knew what kind of trouble drinking would cause, I never would have accepted the bottle."
"Accepted from who?" He asked curiously.
"None of your business," she told him, kicking off her boots clumsily. She would have fallen over had he not grabbed her again. "And don't look at me like that. I know why you want to know, so you can go kick their ass-"
"Damn right."
"-But it was my choice, and the fault is mine alone. Can't you understand that?" Murdoch was quiet for a long time, just content to stare at her with those intense eyes until she began to squirm. "Well, say something," she pleaded.
"I don't want to see you get hurt, Princess"
"I'm fine," she smiled at him in what she hoped was a reassuring sort of way. He leaned down to kiss her forehead, though it was only a moment before he drew back.
"You need a shower," he told her with a wrinkle of his nose. "Do you need help getting undressed?"
She batted his hand away with a nervous laugh as he reached for her zipper.
"I can manage."
The look on his face was playful, yet serious as he showed her his disappointment.
"I'll go get you a set of clothes."
As she rid herself of her soiled vault suit, Johanna was suddenly very glad she had sent Murdoch away. Her breasts were covered in dark bruises, just the size of Arthur's mouth. In addition, she bore several finger shaped bruises on each hip where he had held her down. She hadn't realized he had marked her last night, but she wasn't surprised. Arthur often lost control where she was concerned, though she wasn't about to complain this time.
Quickly, she soaped up, letting her memories keep her warm under the frigid spray of water.
She thought of Arthur's hands on her body and was glad no one was around to see her blush.
xxx
Johanna sat in the mess, pushing her food around her tray with a fork. Breakfast was almost over and she had only managed a few bites.
Murdoch sat by her side, trying to encourage her to eat, while Vargas chatted with a senior knight who kept laughing so loudly that it made Jo's head pound.
She was in a very poor mood by the end of the meal and wanted nothing more than to just disappear back to the barracks and go back to sleep.
That is, until she caught sight of him. Arthur had just entered the mess, looking perfect, as always. Certainly not as if he'd been up half the night with his mouth between her legs.
She flushed a deep red as she caught his eye. While others were saluting and standing up in a show of respect towards their elder, Johanna was frozen in her seat.
Arthur's smirk was fleeting, lasting only a moment before Murdoch grabbed her by the elbow and pulled her into a standing position.
Shaking, she saluted Arthur as protocol demanded.
"At ease," he rumbled, not taking his eyes off her. Johanna's attention was drawn to his mouth, which was set in a firm, expressionless line. Flashes of last night came to her now, memories of how he had used that talented mouth on her, bringing her to orgasm. She could recall it so clearly. The scratch of his beard on her inner thighs. The way his lips had pulled at her clit. And his tongue, oh god, his tongue.
"Sit down," Murdoch hissed, bringing her crashing back to reality. Everyone had resumed their seats and a few people were staring at her as she stared at Arthur from across the mess.
Hastily, she sank down in her chair, her normally pale skin flushed bright red.
"You feeling okay, Polowski?" Vargas asked, eyeing her curiously. "You're not going to throw up again, are you?"
"No," Johanna shook her head, taking a chance and glancing at Arthur again. He wasn't looking at her any longer. She squashed her disappointment by telling herself that he was being smart. "I'm fine."
"Maxson isn't going to punish you for drinking, you know," Vargas said conversationally.
"What?"
"You keep looking at him like he's going to eat you alive."
Jo felt her blush deepen at the other woman's words and she could have kicked herself for being so obvious and easy to read. She decided to play into the role that Vargas had given her, because it was better than the truth.
"Well, I'm not exactly fit for duty right now," she said, trying her best to look sick and guilty. Neither was hard.
"You're allowed to be young and stupid once or twice. Just don't make it a habit."
"Oh, I am never drinking again," she said, meaning every word.
"Come on. Tonight's the poker game," Murdoch teased, pulling at the end of her braid.
She smiled at him because it felt like the natural thing to do, but when he leaned in for a kiss, Jo turned her head at the last minute. His lips pressed to her cheek.
xxx
Cade had a message for her when she stopped by the med bay for her next dose of Rad-X. Thankfully, she was alone so as not to arouse the interest of her squadmates.
Elder Maxson wanted to see her.
She had been expecting some kind of summons, but perhaps not so soon.
She climbed the ladder to the command deck, her palms so sweaty against the cold metal rungs that she almost lost her grip once.
She couldn't imagine what Arthur had to say. Last night had been one of the best moments of her life, but would he feel the same? Would he perhaps tell her that he regretted it? That it couldn't happen again?
She hoped not. Drunk or not, last night had meant something to her, helped her prioritize her emotions, which had been eating away at her ever since Murdoch kissed her.
The truth was simple. She loved Murdoch as a friend and, given time, maybe she could learn to love him like he wanted. But not while Arthur was in her life.
The feelings Arthur provoked in her were unparalleled. He had set fire to her blood and flesh in a way that made it impossible to forget, and she wouldn't have it any other way.
The sight of him made her heart beat erratically in her chest, but she tried not to show it as she approached him on the command deck.
He was alone, his back to her as he stared out the windows to the Commonwealth below. Johanna was grateful. She took the moment to wipe her clammy palms against her orange jumpsuit before announcing herself.
"Elder Maxson." Her voice was barely more than a whisper, but he heard it.
"Johanna." He looked pleased to see her, which was promising. Still, she couldn't help but feel mildly embarrassed as her gaze fell to his lips, those beautiful plump lips that had kissed her so thoroughly last night because she hadn't taken no for an answer. Her cheeks flushed as she remembered how forward she had been.
"Sir, I wanted to apologize for my behavior last night."
He looked at her for a long moment, his gaze impassive.
"You regret it," he said quietly. She wouldn't have heard him had she not been standing so close.
"I regret forcing you," Jo admitted, blushing deeply. "It wasn't right and I'm terribly ashamed of my actions."
Arthur let out a laugh which took her several long moments to process.
"You hardly forced me." He smiled at her, and her heart skipped a beat. She had never seen him look so honestly amused.
"You're not angry with me?"
"No. I'm not."
She expressed her relief by exhaling noisily.
It was so much better than she could have hoped. He wasn't mad, not even a little bit. He seemed to have forgotten about her illicit kiss with Murdoch too, or, at the very least, forgiven her.
It was far more than she deserved.
"Do you..." Johanna trailed off, her voice sounding much too loud in the otherwise silent room.
"Please," Arthur motioned for her to continue. Still, she hesitated. "It's okay. You can ask me anything."
"Do you want to do it again?" She whispered. The grin he replied with was almost indecent.
"Absolutely."