Two years.
For two years, the title of Hashira has rested upon my shoulders. I have cut down more demons than I can remember. The weight of the world grows by the day, I can feel it upon my shoulders.
The past two years have not been easy. I have had to take on the responsibilities of two Hashira, because our numbers have still not increased drastically. There are now six Hashira in total.
The Mist Hashira retired last year, and was replaced by his Tsuguko. A new Water Hashira was appointed, but they were not trained by Urokodaki-san.
But the most pressing issue is Ruka-san and her illness. She is dying. Even if she lies and says she is okay, that doesn't change the truth. I can hear it, her stifled coughs. The sound of blood hitting the tatami, followed by frantic scrubbing.
The doctors don't know what it is, but it will kill her. That much is known. She has done well to keep it hidden from Kyojuro, as attentive to detail as he is. As for Senjuro, he is far too young to understand.
If she dies, they will have no family left in this world. A horrible thing to say, but that is the truth. There are no aunts or uncles, no cousins or grandparents. They will be the last of the Rengoku family.
But they will not be alone. I have already sworn a silent vow. I will raise both of them, even with my duties as a Hashira. I will do everything in my power to ensure that they grow up healthy and happy.
Because they are my brothers, even if we are not related by blood. I have begun to train Kyojuro properly, ensuring that the foundation he is laying is absolutely perfect. If it weren't for me, he would have to continue training from a book only.
I'm sure that he could make the most of it, but it might hamper his potential. As it stands, I am the only person alive that can perform Flame Breathing. I will perform the forms ten thousand times, as many as Kyojuro needs before he can execute them perfectly.
Even now, he is out in the courtyard. The bokken I made for him all those years ago is worn and he is starting to outgrow it entirely. I'll make a new one for him, something that will last a while.
Over these two years, I have trained to death. Every single moment that I have had spare, I have trained. It is the only thing I can do to escape from it all, from the situation that is inevitably unfolding before me.
Because I don't want Ruka-san to die. It's childish, especially for someone in my line of work. How many comrades have died over these two years? How many people that I laughed with have been cut down in vain?
Even taking that into consideration, I still hate it. It digs at me, nestling away in a crevice deep within my heart. Something that can't be forgotten. Something that can't be changed. Somebody I care for deeply will die, and there is nothing I can do about it.
I know I shouldn't be beating myself up over it, but I can't help it. It is in moments like these that I really doubt what everyone tells me, how can I help everybody if I'm so absolutely useless here?
I know that wrestling with my thoughts will lead to nothing good, but that is all I can do. I'm not making much progress with my training, and I haven't made any breakthroughs in strength for over a year.
I'm stalling and it isn't good enough. I need to be stronger, far stronger. I am not enough now, and if I stop here, then I never will be. Because I am the only one that can do it, it's become abundantly clear to me now.
Even amongst the Hashira, amongst the strongest that there is, I am unrivalled. The only Hashira that can keep up with me is the Silence Hashira. Even then, they are starting to fall behind. The Stone Hashira is not getting any younger, he is pushing his fifties.
Time is the only thing that the Hashira cannot fight against, it defeats everybody. Everybody except Kibutsuji Muzan.
The wall that I have run into is almost unbreakable, I know that to break it requires something that changes everything. To grow stronger than I am now, I will have to be pushed to my utmost limits.
The only situation that would allow for that, is a fight against an Upper Moon. Could I do it? Could I win? I don't know. I won't know until it happens, until I find myself opposite one of the strongest with our very existences on the line.
The midday sun beats down on the estate, coating it in a blanket of heat that feels almost suffocating. If it wasn't for the clear blue sky, it would feel like hell on Earth.
Kyojuro leaves the courtyard, I know this because I can see him from my perch up on the roof. He must be dripping in sweat, so he will clean himself up before spending time with Ruka-san.
I should be sleeping right now, but I can't. Not when everything is the way that it is. I sit up here on the roof, perched where I can see everything.
It is a common sight to the people that live in the other estates, to see me sat high above them. It's peaceful up here and I can hear everything that happens thanks to my enhanced hearing. But it is lonely here at the top, where nobody can reach me.
The sound of wings flapping against the current echoes towards me, from above my position. The arrival of my Kasugai crow, heralding a letter from a certain someone. We have kept in contact over the past two years, regularly sending letters.
It is a brief respite from everything, reading the words that she has written for me. Masuyo-san always replies quickly and she writes a lot too, it seems that her life is only getting busier and busier by the year.
Yoichi, how have you been keeping? I hope you've been looking after yourself, you are headstrong and I worry about you. You should come and visit me soon, it has been far too long and I miss you. Life here is getting busier and busier, but it looks like I will be moving to Yoshiwara within the next few years. I know that it is closer to you, so it will mean that we can see each other more. It was upsetting to hear about Ruka-san, I wish that there was something that we could do. Life is very cruel, but you know that already. I know you'll look out for Kyojuro-kun and Senjuro-kun, but don't overdo it. A lot is expected of you already and you are working harder than anybody else. I still can't believe that you're a Hashira, my father used to speak of them with wonder in his eyes. He also said they were scary, but you aren't scary at all, even if you do look a little bit intimidating. I hope that you remain in good health and I look forward to reading your reply. Please come and visit soon.
As usual the opening and closing of the letter have been omitted, probably due to a lack of time on her part. The letter is shorter this time, but that is to be expected. She is busy now, so she might stop replying altogether.
Everybody is busy, not just me. I'm sure a lot of people have a harder life than I do, so that means I have to keep on going. Even if my legs won't move because of the fatigue, or my eyelids won't shut because of the gruesome images painted onto the back of them.
The blood and gore that I have seen ricochets across my mind everytime I close my eyes, like a permanent stain against my consciousness. But even then, it serves as a constant reminder of who I am.
I am somebody that chose this life, this is something that I embraced. Even when the consequences weigh up, it doesn't matter. The blood and gore that I have seen is that of the fallen, and it is something that I fight to never see again.
My own struggles pale in comparison to my duty. So I must brush it aside and move forward like I always have done. It is not about me. Yoichi, the human, needs to move aside so that Yoichi, the Kagura Hashira, can take his place.
But even if I tell myself that, I cannot force my emotions to the side. I still love and hate as strongly as ever, even if I know that these attachments might end up holding me down.
Even then, I could never bring myself to abandon those people that believe in me. The people who have held me up for the past two years. The people that gave their lives so that I could become somebody worthy of their sacrifices.
I'll write back to her tomorrow. She isn't far away as is, but Yoshiwara is definitely closer. It's a famous redlight district, the biggest in Japan.
If she moves there, she'll be as popular as ever. It will definitely be better than Yokohama. I'm happy for her.
I don't even know how much time passes whilst I sit up here alone with my thoughts. I'm still not tired, but that is no surprise.
It really is a beautiful day, the perfect day for an ordinary person to enjoy. Families will be out and couples will make excuses to leave work and see one another.
It's serene, the lonely peacefulness washes over me in waves. This is the perfect place to rest and meditate. A place to gather my thoughts and keep myself in check so that I do not worry anybody else.
A soft breeze blows, a brief gust that blows away the heat momentarily. A chime rings, a tinkling that sounds almost melancholic.
It is the chime that Ruka-san keeps in her room. It is the first time that it has chimed today, but it is accompanied by the sound of her voice.
"Kyojuro…"
She takes as deep a breath as possible before speaking, something that normally causes her incredible pain.
"Yes, Mother?"
Kyojuro responds without missing a beat, it sounds like he is trying his hardest to keep his spirits up. Maybe he has noticed it, or maybe he has known all along. The medicine by her bed is something that he would not overlook.
"Think hard about… my next question…"
Ruka-san pauses between breaths, as if she is carefully outlining what it is that she has to say.
"Do you know why you were born stronger than others?"
Between words, I can hear another sound. The faint breathing of Senjuro, who must be asleep on Ruka-san's futon. This is a moment privy only to the Rengoku family, yet I am overhearing it.
"I… um… …. I don't know!"
Kyojuro pauses before answering honestly. He has always been honest to a fault, even now when confronted by this situation he remains true to himself.
"It is so that you can protect those weaker than yourself. The ones blessed with natural talent and incredible strength, must use that strength for the good of the world, for others."
Even though these words aren't being spoken to me, they still resonate deep within my core. After all, it affirms my own beliefs and who I am.
"It is unforgivable to use that god-given strength to destroy others or to benefit yourself. Helping the weak is the duty of the strong."
I now understand why Ruka-san married a demon slayer. It clicks, because her ideals align so closely with the ideals of the Demon Slayer Corps.
Demons do precisely that, they use the strength given to them by their progenitor to destroy and claim lives in pursuit of their own selfishness. They cast aside the weak, or kill them outright. They help no one but themselves.
This must be how Ruka-san views it, and why she became involved with the Demon Slayer Corps and Shinjuro-san. I don't know how she became enamored with these ideals, but I can believe in them too.
"You must take this responsibility seriously and fulfill your duty as one of the strong. Make sure you never forget this."
She sounds incredibly sincere, as if she is not addressing a child but a man that she can believe in. Kyojuro certainly is special, it is as if he was born to become someone incredibly strong.
She believes that he can make it there, and this might just be enough to get him all the way. This moment might be the catalyst that lights a fire within him. The same fire that is within all of us.
"I won't forget!"
He responds immediately, equally as sincere as Ruka-san. It seems that it is not just a childish promise, but something he intends to see through until the end.
The sound of cloth rustling carries up to me, followed by the sound of movement on the tatami. Ruka-san takes a deep breath, as deep as she can manage before she speaks again.
"I don't have much time left."
The statement pierces through me, and I;m sure it has done the same to Kyojuro. She has finally said it. Even if I knew it would happen, there was still that seed of impossibility that could still blossom.
But now that she has accepted it, I have to accept it too. So does Kyojuro, even though he is still eight years old.
"To be blessed with a child as strong and gentle as you is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me."
I can hear her voice tremble as she speaks. Even though Ruka-san keeps her composure normally, the wall has fallen down now. In this moment, she is the most vulnerable person in the world.
The sound of a tear splashing barely reaches my ears. I do not know who the tear belongs to, but that does not matter. She has told Kyojuro what he needs to hear, and it has done her a world of good too. This moment between mother and son is far more special than I can hope to understand.
"I'm counting on you, Kyojuro."
Her voice steadies as she speaks and I can almost hear her smile. The wind chime tinkles again as a strong breeze strikes me. It is only then that I truly understand how great this family is.
If I can become anything like them, then I can call myself a good person.
A month has passed since that moment and things have become more and more difficult. Ruka-san can not even leave her futon now and a nurse has been brought in to care for her. We still don't know what it is that she is dying of, but it doesn't seem to be contagious.
There are more and more demons every night, it's as if something has awoken within the other side. They aren't strong or special, but there are more of them. This means more lives in danger and ultimately more lives lost.
Nobody has died on my watch over these past two years, I have managed to save everybody that I can reach. Even then, I still feel like it isn't enough. The master has assured me that I am doing what is expected of me, but I can't believe those words.
I need to keep growing, I need to reach the potential that everybody believes I have. Because once I'm there, I can do it. I can defeat Kibutsuji Muzan and put an end to all of it, so that nobody has to suffer.
Because that is what my life is, my purpose is to defeat him. So to ensure that I do not fail, I must grow stronger.
Today is no different, but I find myself drawn to Yoshiwara. After all, it's the place that Masuyo-san will be staying in soon. It isn't wrong to make sure it's safe.
I've been to a redlight district before, but it still feels weird to me. Yoshiwara is far greater than the redlight district in Yokohama.
The smells are different. The aroma of incense floods the streets, a pleasant flowery smell that contrasts with the smell of the city. Even though the moon beams down from above, it's livelier than ever.
This place thrives in the night, there are more people here than I thought there would be. Thousands of men and women mill about, most of them drunk or taking advantage of the drunks.
They would be easy prey, drunk men that find their way down the wrong alley. It makes perfect sense for a demon to be here, but no amount of searching unearths anything. People stare at me, but a cold look is enough to make them turn their heads.
Women call out to me, but they retreat just as quickly. It is obvious that I am here for business rather than pleasure. Even more so when they spot the sword on my hip. Normally I would hide it, but the police will not bother me here. The only ones around are too busy with the women.
The three main houses are Tokito, Ogimoto and Kyogoku. It's obvious because the volume of people leaving those buildings is far larger than anywhere else.
The night is almost over now, I've wasted far too much time here on a selfish whim.
It's only for the briefest moment, but I hear an unusual noise. The sound of cloth flowing in the wind reaches my ears from high above. I can barely make out the figure of a woman perched up on a roof, but when I blink, she is gone.
It's weird, she looked a bit like Masuyo-san. But it can't be her, because Masuyo-san is in Yokohama. I must be imagining things, the resemblance wasn't even that great.
I'll chalk it down to sleep deprivation. I should really try and force myself to sleep longer.
Another month passes and things only get worse. There are days left now. Maybe not even that. Maybe it's only hours or minutes. Even the doctor doesn't know.
Kyojuro is kept away from the worst of it, but that means he is limited to seeing his mother for twenty minutes a day. She can't speak for any longer than that.
I can hear her struggling to breathe, the rattling of air as she desperately tries to inhale it but realises it is not enough. I can't begin to describe the pain that attacks my heart when I hear that noise, but it is entirely insignificant to how she must be feeling.
Today is just like that day. The heat attacks everything once again and there are no clouds in the sky. I find myself on the roof again, as is normal.
There is to be a Hashira meeting in the next few weeks. When I come back from it, Ruka-san will be dead. Somebody that I care about will die, they will die within arms reach and there is not a thing that I can do about it.
I really am useless.
I don't even want to pack my bags, because I know that I will never see her again if I do. She won't be at the gate to welcome me home, or tell Kyojuro off for being too rough. How can I leave this place right now? What kind of monster do I have to be to leave now?
But duty calls and my duty is the sole reason that I exist. Torn between a rock and a hard place, there is no lesser evil. I must go, because it is about more than myself and how I feel.
No gains are made without sacrifice and if this is the price, then I will begrudgingly pay it. Kyojuro might never forgive me and that breaks my heart, but I will bear those feelings.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being so useless, but I have to go.
It would be so easy to leave now, without saying a thing to anyone. To just depart now and flee like the wind. It's almost tempting, but I would never be able to forgive myself.
Three raps on the sliding door to the tatami room, the normal sign that I wish to speak with Ruka-san. A whispered reply is spoken and I enter, sliding the door closed behind me with proper etiquette.
She is frail, to the point that it looks like she would shatter like glass if touched. Even then, she manages a small smile as she looks up at me with cloudy eyes.
Her skin had always been pale, but this goes beyond that. It is a pallid white, the colour of sickness. Her hair is matted, she has been asleep. That she can even sleep in this heat is concerning.
She beckons me closer, to kneel down at the edge of the futon so that she does not have to strain her voice. I oblige and take my position. Even though I came here, I don't know what to say.
I don't think anybody knows what to say when confronted with this, yet it must have happened hundreds of thousands of times throughout human history.
"..."
The silence is almost as heavy as the air that is soaked with heat, the humidity is only continuing to rise as neither of us speak. It feels like the tension has almost reached it's boiling point.
"Don't… look… so sad…"
It's little more than a whisper, but I can hear it. Of course I look sad, the weight of the world has come crashing down upon my shoulders.
Despite all the pain and the struggling, she manages to smile again. When somebody smiles, you're supposed to smile back but I can't do that. If I break my composure, I might end up crying.
The wind chime rings softly, dissipating the tension. The heat disappears for a moment, alleviated by the soft breeze that flows throughout the room.
"Proud…"
She starts to speak, but a coughing fit seizes hold of her as her body contorts and convulses. Ruka-san manages to steady herself, but the damage is already done.
A dark red stain is left on the palm of her hand, blood should not be that colour. My own hands are beginning to shake, so I hide them beneath my haori.
She manages to take a deep breath before attempting to speak again.
"Proud… so proud… of you."
Even now she is still smiling up at me, a smile that shatters my composure entirely. I hate it, because this feels exactly like what it is. Our final conversation, the last time that we will ever talk.
It isn't accompanied by laughter and smiles, but the steady stream of tears that I can no longer hold back. Even though I'm the Kagura Hashira, the strongest, I'm showing my weakness in this moment.
It's pathetic, but I can't help it. Ruka-san is an older sister to me, somebody that I could always rely on. We grieved together and laughed together and she was always there to welcome me home. But that will never happen again and now those times are over.
All they are now are memories. Memories that are destined to fade into sepia. The sound of her voice and her smile, those are things that cannot be preserved. Those are things that I will inevitably forget, no matter how hard I try not to.
"I'm sorry."
I'm apologising again. It feels like it is the only thing that I can do now, apologise for my weakness and hope that I am forgiven.
It is only now that she stops smiling. She looks up at me with a concerned look in her eyes, before reaching for my hand. I take it out from under my haori so that she can take hold of it.
"It's… okay… to feel.. weak. You… are human.. too."
She forces the words out, even though she does not have enough oxygen for them. Her grip is weak, so weak that it could be broken by the soft breeze that blows through the room.
But her words are the opposite of weak. They are quiet, but they are spoken with certainty. With a look of determination on her face, she says the words that I needed to hear the most.
The tears fall fast and furiously now, raining down upon her futon and leaving splash marks. I'm so ashamed of myself, but I can't bring myself to say it. If only there was something that I could do.
Shinjuro-san, I couldn't protect her. I'm sorry, I failed. Those are the words that echo inside my head, but I could never say them. It isn't right to think that way, to take all of the blame upon myself. But I can't help it.
"Ruka-sa… Ruka, thank you for everything. From the moment that I came here, I felt at home. Thanks to you and Shinjuro-san, I could become the person that I am today. From the bottom of my heart, thank you."
I prostrate myself, pushing my head against the tatami. I'm sure she would rather hear a thank you than a sorry, and it's what she deserves.
If I didn't thank her now, I would never have the chance to do it ever again. That is something that I don't want to regret. I truly am thankful to her, she is one of the few people that has never shown me any form of pity.
And she is somebody that I love, somebody that I could always turn to if things got hard. She taught me a lot more than menial household chores and her final gift to me is to teach me something else. That I am human too.
I will never forget them. Those words will stay with me right until the end. Her ideals will rest upon my blade as I carry them forth. The strong have a duty to protect the weak, and that is what I do.
"..."
She is crying as well now, slow methodical tears that trace a path along her gaunt cheeks. Silent tears that are only visible within the light glow of the sun.
"Thank… you… Yoichi."
As I stand to leave, she whispers once more. The final tear falls from my eye and I make my peace with myself. She had no need to thank me, but she decided to anyway. That is the type of person that Ruka is.
The sound of the sliding door shutting behind me strikes with an overwhelming sense of finality.
And there we have it, this is by far my favourite chapter that I have written. I went for something far different to the norm, it had quite an emotional punch for me even as I was writing this. I've recently started a new job so I am quite busy now, but I will do my best and you can expect weekly updates on either a Monday or a Saturday. We are moving into the second overall arc that I have dubbed "The Calm Before The Storm."
As always, I would like to hear your thoughts on this chapter and I thank each and every one of you for reading this! -TheGrailsVoice
Crowriver: Hi, I have a question about "shimmering sun". Why does Yoichi use "blooming flame undulation" but not "burning bones, summer sun"? I thought it would make more sense to use different techniques of the same breath, rather than different techniques of a different breath. Both techniques serves the same purpose so I guess it doesn't matter.
He uses that technique because it was the first one that came to mind in terms of pure defence. He could have used "Burning Bones, Summer Sun" but in that moment it was the technique that he had really drilled into himself via training that exploded outwards. This was a really great question, so I thank you for asking it!
Foxxfire716: Damn first doma, now akaza. These upper moons are just killing off all his loved ones. Whats next kokoshibo decides to kill riko?
I do love me some suffering, but Riko is one of my favourite characters so I don't know if I could bring myself to kill her. I might play favourites just for this one time!
Neema Amiry: lovely
Thank you so much, I'm glad that you are enjoying it!
batmanuchiha: Wait I thought the demon slayer mark worked kinda like a contagious illness where one person awakens the mark and those around him awaken or get it from him.
I've taken a little bit of a liberty here based off of my understanding of how it works. Normally I believe that you would have to fight alongside a slayer with an active mark to be able to awaken your own, but we have an example of that not happening in the manga when Gyomei awakens his mark through what seems to be nothing more than sheer willpower. At least, that is how I interpreted it and decided that it would fit Hideki's last stand nicely.
Raven Mordrake: A demon does not regret. A demon does not show Mercy, Is he really talking about demons? because that also seems a description of the human being,It's stupid to believe the world will be free if the demons disappeared You just have to see the past of Kanao and Akaza to know that this is true and even more so considering that the story is set in the First World War.
Well, he doesn't know a lot of that stuff does he? He has barely experienced anything and the common denominator for suffering that he has experienced are demons. So from his point of view, if they are gone then the major part of suffering that he has seen is gone. He would also have no way to see the past of either Kanao or Akaza but he is maturing more and more to the point that he is starting to understand that demons are not the only evil. After all, they were created by humans.
Guest: Really good chapter as always.
Thank you for the kind words, reviews like these make my day!
Sythe-elda: Amazing chapters my friend! I've been busy irl and just now getting time to read the new updates but I'm glad I did because these two were two of the best in my opinion!
Glad you chose to not drag out the battle between Akaza and Hideki. It would've been an epic fight, but we know we are going to see Akaza fight again so it makes sense to wait until then so it wouldn't get repetitive.
You also do a great job in putting focus on just how dire the demon slayers situation is. They already are always at a disadvantage in their fights and now they are losing their Pillars as well. Not the best feeling for the people of that world lol
Kind of a short review since I have more to say, but I am very busy atm but hopefully by the time next update comes out, I'll be free. Overall, great updates!
On to the next one!
Thank you so much for the kind words, I'm glad that you have found time to read. I've also been busy in life lately so I understand it! Personally I think that Chapter 10 could have been better, but I feel that this chapter is one of the best I have written. I'm happy that you're enjoying them so much! I made the battle between Akaza and Hideki short for a multitude of reasons and the fact that we will see Akaza fight extensively again is one of them! I do like showing that things aren't all sunshine and rainbows before the golden generation arrive and that the corps spends most of it's lifetime struggling to survive. Thanks again for your review and I hope to hear from you again soon.