Disclaimer: I own nothing, Suzanne Collins wrote the book. It just inspired me.
Chapter 15
Annie's POV
I float on still water. Cannons had fired several times while the arena flooded. Claudius announced me the winner. But I don't feel like a winner. I feel numb, cold, tired. The arena opens up and a craft lowers down to pull me out.
"Get her on the gurney. Begin a drip."
As they worked on me I passed out from exhaustion.
I don't know how long later but I started hearing voices. Not only voices in the room but in my head. The voices of the tributes from 1 and 2, Freya taunting me, Tomas voice and the sound of the axe to his neck.
I wake only to cover my ears.
"Annie!" Finnick says in surprise as I violently thrash on my bed gurney. My hands covering my ears hoping it will stop the sounds and voices.
"Annie sweetheart, look at me."
I try, I want to see him I want to. But the voices cloud my mind and I can only see though him.
"Annie!? Annie please look at me." He holds my face. I stare off.
"I'm here Annie, I'm here please look at me love."
I breath, I breath hard. I try focusing. Soon two green eyes come into focus. And the voices stop. I slowly pull my hands away from my ears.
"F...Finn." I say finally seeing him.
"That's my girl."
"I'm...I.."
"You're alive sweet girl, you won."
I look down at myself. Dressed in a hospital gown. An IV in my arm.
"How long have I..."
"Three days. I was starting to get worried." He lifts my hand and kissed the back of it.
Tears spring to my eyes.
"Don't cry Annie, it's over now."
I shake my head and I start to hear whispers.
"They're still here. I can hear them."
"Hear who?" He asks.
But they grow louder and I have to cover my ears.
"Annie what's going on?"
"I can still hear them!!" I scream.
"Annie calm down,"
I can faintly hear my heart monitor going crazy. But in the for front the voices loud and present.
"Make them stop, MAKE THEM STOP!!!!"
"ANNIE!!!!" Finnick screams trying to hold me down as I thrash about.
Three doctors come into the room then. They push Finnick away and hold me down to sedate me. I fall back into a deep sleep.
When I come to again I hear Mags and Finnick talking outside my room.
"It's been five days," Finnick says, worry coating his tone.
"Be patient Finnick, her brain is trying to repair itself. She's been though something horrific. Who knows if she'll ever be the same."
"I know Mags, I know."
There was a silence between them then.
"There's is a bright side to this I think," Mags says.
"What on earth could that be?" Finnick asks.
"No one will pay for a mad girl."
She tells him.
Finnick says nothing.
I start hearing whispers again. I shut my eyes trying to will them away but it's no good. They keep getting louder and the voices more defined. I have to learn how to control this. I try to listen to the real sounds in the room. I listen to the beep of the machines, the drip of the IV, anything. Soon the voices subside. They're still there but I could manage as long as they weren't screaming at me.
"Finnick!" I call out.
He rushes in. I look at him, really look at him this time. He looks beaten down. Exhausted.
"Annie, I'm so glad you're awake." He sits next to me in the bed. Mags follows him in.
"How are you feeling sweetheart?" She asks.
"Okay I guess, my body aches a bit."
"Do you remember when you woke last?" Finn asks.
"Yes..."
"Do you...are you still hearing..."
"The voices? Yeah, I'm trying my best to ignore them."
Finnick looks over at Mags. They both look concerned.
I stared off out the window, the lights of the Capital flicker away.
"...Annie...Annie!?" Finnick has been calling me.
"Oh I'm...I'm sorry Finn. I kinda tuned out there for a moment."
"You were giggling." He says bemused.
"Was I?" I ask surprised.
They both looked confused.
"I'll call the doctors in to check on her." Mags said leaving us.
Finnick reaches up caressing my cheek. I lean into him. Basking in his touch, his warmth.
"I didn't think I'd ever get to touch you like this again." He tells me.
I look into his eyes, they were brimming with tears.
"Neither did I." I say gripping his wrist.
"Especially after..."
The sound of crushed bone echoed in my head. I jerked back and covered my ears, shutting my eyes tightly.
"Baby, fight it. I'm here, it's just you and me. Annie, Annie." He talked to me.
I open my eyes, it's all a blur.
"Look at me Annie, focus."
I do my best to follow his order. Soon the sounds fade and it was only Finnick's voice in the forefront.
"That's my girl."
"I'm sorry, I can't help it."
"Don't ever be sorry. You can't control this. We'll get though it together." He says pulling me to him.
"I love you Annie."
"I love you too Finnick."
The doctors came and checked my vitals. I was released that night.
We returned to the fourth floor of the training center.
Izadora, Rhae, my whole team was there to welcome me back and congratulate me.
I was still very tired so I cut the festivities short and went to bed. I was alone for a while. It was too quiet and the voices were getting louder. So I turn in the shower to drown out the voices. I sit against the wall facing the window. Just doing my best to keep my mind at bay.
"Annie can I come in?" Finnick asks at the door.
"Yeah of course." I relied.
He enters and looks a bit puzzled.
"What's with the shower?" He asks.
"It's too quiet in here." Is all I say.
He shuts the door behind him and sits next to me.
"Why are you on the floor?" He asks.
"I...i don't know."
"Come on."
He pulls me off the floor and to the bed. He lays me down and holds me.
This. I didn't think I'd get to feel this again. His warmth, his strength, his love.
He pulls my face to his and kisses me tenderly.
He's gone when I wake the next morning. Rhae and the team come in to get me ready for the final interview and the crowning ceremony. I can't wait for this all to be done with. I'm tired. I want to go home.
They dress me in a mint green tulle dress. It all feels so strange now. I'm alone. No other tributes also getting ready. No tribute partner to match outfits with. My eyes begin to water at the thought of Tomas.
"Now now Annie don't go wasting my good mascara with tears." One of Rhaes helpers tells me.
My hands are shaking. I hear the sound of chopping in my head. I put my hands over my ears. I shut my eyes tight.
I don't see or hear anything, I don't want to see anything. I don't want to say anything. I... I don't want to be here. I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be alive.
"Annie!" I read a voice not in my head. I open my eyes to see Finnick and Mags worried.
"Sweetheart are you alright?" Mags asks.
"I...I'm...I don't know."
"Can you go on stage?" Finnick asks.
"I...don't...umm...I…yes...I think so."
"You sure?" Mags asks.
"Ye...yes."
"Breath with me Annie." Finnick says.
We take deep breaths and I eventually collect myself enough to go on stage.
"And now ladies and gentlemen our 70th Hunger Games Victor, ANNIE CRESTA!!!" Cesar announced.
I walk out in stage a nice fake smile on my face.
"Oh Annie! How delightful to have you back." Cesar says as we sit.
"It's...umm, it's great to be back." I tell him.
"Now Annie you put up quite a fight. It sure kept us on the edge of our seats. Tell me, what kept you going?" Cedar asks me.
There was really only one thing that kept me going, one person, but I couldn't really say that.
"The will to live mostly, and I wanted to see district 4 again."
"I'm sure you won't be swimming for a while after that last endeavor in the Games." He says referring to the flooding and me having to swim for my life.
"Well, I'm sure the water is calmer at home."
The audience laughed.
I hate the sound.
"Are you excited to be moving to Victor Villa?"
"I suppose, never really had a whole house to myself."
They laugh again.
I cover my ears without thinking.
I see Cesar look a bit confused and he looks to the people backstage.
I try to play it off by pretending to fix my hair.
"We'll I'm sure you'll get used to the big new house. Now Annie tell me about that night."
"That night?"
"Yes when the tributes from 1 and 2 double crossed you and poor Tomas."
Poor Tomas. That's all they had to say about him. Just poor Tomas. I stare blankly at Cesar. My jaw locked as I replay that night in my head. My chest begins to tighten. I'm frozen just like that night.
"Annie?" I can hear Cesar over the sounds and voices in my head.
"We'll I know this has been great fun but it seams our guest must still be tired. We'll be right back after these messages. The lights dim. Finnick and Mags are by my side at an instant.
"Annie? Annie?! Speak to me honey." Finnick tells me but all I can see is that night. My fight or flight response then kicks in and I'm thrashing about.
"Let me go!!! Let me go!!!"
"Annie calm down. It's gunna be okay. It's us Annie."
"Stop, stop, stop."
"We need to get her out of here, get her calm." I hear Mags.
I can feel being picked up by multiple hands before passing out.
I wake up in a room on a couch. Nothing else in the room. But by the view out the window. I'm guessing we're at president Snows mansion. The ceremony of course. I sit up and rub my face. What a mess. They must be furious with me.
Rhae then enters the room.
"Oh thank goodness your up, I'll go get Finnick." He says before heading back out the door.
Finnick walks in shortly after.
"You had us worried for a second." He tells me.
"I'm sorry, I should have handled that better."
"No, I should have warned Cesar to avoid questions like that."
"It would have happened eventually."
"I suppose," he kneels in front of me.
"Do you feel okay now?" He asks.
"Yeah...better."
I reach out to him but he inches back.
"Okay, the ceremony was pushed back a few hours. Rhae is gunna fix you up again before that." He say as he stands.
He was being so distance.
"Okay."
But as he left he gave me a look of longing. Maybe he was scared to touch me here. After all it was Snows mansion.
Rhae came back and fixed me up for the crowning ceremony. As they walked me to the stage the voices began to surface. But I pushed them back down. The anthem began which cued me to begin walking center stage. There I stood in the capitals seal as Snow walked towards me. A sick feeling set in the pit of my stomach. Knowing what this man had done to Coral. What he's still doing to Finnick, to so many tributes. It makes my blood run cold.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the capital thank you for coming to the crowning of your newest Victor. The lovely Annie Cresta!" He announces and the crowd cheers.
"As always here is a look at our past Victors as well as the journey of Annie becoming our new Victor."
They begin showing a video on the large projector screen. I try to block everything out. As the video plays Snow comes to stand next to me.
"Quite the show you put on."
"Huh? Oh yes I...I did my best sir."
"I wasn't referring to the Games dear."
"I'm sorry?" I ask confused.
"I'm referring to the fact that you're in love with your mentor. The amount of effort you put into pretending you're not is quite amusing."
"Sir I don't…."
"But I'm sure that will fizzle out soon enough. Soon you'll be back home and Finnick will be back to work. He does magnificent work here in the capital."
No. Stop talking.
"I...I'm not sure I..."
"I already have his schedule jam packed. He won't have a moment to spare."
I stay quiet.
"If I were you my dear I'd let that fantasy go. There's no room for you. Especially with your new state of mind."
I continue to stay quiet. One because I'm scared of what I'll say and two I was doing all I could not to loose it.
"It's quite a shame, your madness I mean. The business that beautiful face would have brought in." He say caressing my cheek. I could vomit.
The video then ended. And Snow went back to his public persona.
"And now to crown our Victor."
Snow lifts the crown and places it on my head.
"Ladies and Gentlemen your Victor Annie Cresta."
They all cheer and I wave and smile the best I can. But deep down Snows words eat away at me. I have to hold back the tears rimming my eyes.
The moment I can I rush off stage. My tears falling. I wipe them away fast. I want to go home. I want to get on that train and never come back here.
I rush over to Mags.
"Do you feel okay dear?" She asks with a worried look.
"Yes...I..I just want to go home."
"I'm sure you do. Let's start heading out."
"Where's Finn?" I ask.
Mags has a worried look.
"He stepped away a moment ago. I'm sure he'll be meeting us there."
We make our way thought the halls of Snows mansion. Towards the exit.
I just want this day to be over. I want to go home. I'm tired of all this pretending. It feels like I've been away for years. But it's only been a month.
I want to be at the beach. I want to hold Finnicks hand without worrying.
"Why don't you wait here sweetie . Let me call for the transport." Mags tells me I nod.
I sit there collecting myself. Taking deep breaths.
A door to one of the rooms opens at a distance. It's Finnick. He looks disheveled. He combs though his messy hair and attempts to straighten his coat. I'm about to stand to go to him when the door he emerged from opens again. A woman comes out. She's beautiful, Capital beautiful. With deep red hair, big cat eyes, long lashes, and a dress that needed zipping. I watch as Finnick zips it up for her. She turns and my heart drops when they kiss. I look away. Everything within me felt as if it was being ripped apart. My hands and feet felt numb, my heart pounded in my chest. My eyes burned. And Snows words echoed in my head.
"Let go of that fantasy."
"Annie!?" Finnick says surprised.
I look up and he's wide eyed.
"H...how long have you been here?"
"Long enough." I say as my tears fall.
"Annie.." he says reaching out to me.
"Don't touch me." I whisper as I stand and begin to walk outside where I see Mags and the transport.
"What happened?" She asks looking over my shoulder, at Finn I'm sure.
"I can't be here anymore."
"Okay let's go."
She leads me into the transport.
"Finnick we'll meet you at the station." Mags tells him abruptly.
We sit and the transport takes off.
"What happened?" Mags asked.
"I...I saw him with...with a..client." I tell her.
Understanding crosses her eyes and a look of both sorrow and pity covers her face.
"No one said it would be easy, this relationship."
"I know, I mean I...I understand he has to do it...for our sake. But knowing about it and finding peace with it is different then actually seeing it with my own eyes." I begin to tear up.
Mags hold my hand.
"I love you both and I love you together. But if you can't take the pain of this arrangement perhaps you're better off as friends my dear."
"I don't know what to do or think Mags. The pain I felt seeing that just..."
"I know honey, you need time to think. And you need time to heal in so many ways." She tells me and I nod.
We arrive at the train. And again crowds cover the platform. Don't they have anything better to do?
We did the mindless wave and smile and board the train. As we waited for Finnick I went to my resting quarters.
I hate how quiet it is. All I can hear are Snows words.
"If I were you my dear I'd let that fantasy go."
"Theres no room for you."
"Soon you'll be back home and Finnick will be back to work."
I cover my ears. I hated this. I hated Snow. I hated this feeling in the pit of my stomach. I hated the thoughts I was having. I hated the thought of letting Finnick go.
"Annie!? Annie..."I can hear Finn down the hall.
"Annie." He comes bursting into my room
"Whatever your thinking, whatever you saw was..." he begins explaining.
"Just a game...I know...but seeing...you and that...that." I cut him off but loose my voice and tears fall from my eyes.
"Sweetheart..."
He pulls me into his arms as I sod. I want to feel the comfort but all I can think about is him with that woman. I pull away from him and finally look up only to find lipstick on his neck. I look away again.
"You know, none of it is real. You know I'm yours Annie."
I knew he was but he'd never be fully and ultimately mine.
"But I have to share right?"
"Annie..." he holds my hands.
"Seeing that...hurt...so much."
"I'm sorry love, I'm so sorry. But everything's going to be okay Annie I promise. We're heading home now. It will be like how it used to be. You, me, the beach, Mags. It'll all be okay."
That all sounded wonderfully. But it was a dream really. Dark thoughts lingered in the back of my mind.
"What about when you're called back to the capital?" I ask.
He's silent.
"What about when the voices overtake me when I'm alone Finn?"
"Sweetheart I...let's not think about that right now..."
"Why not? It's gunna happen. You'll leave. And I'll be alone. And they'll have you..." I begin to cry harder.
"Annie please don't... god. You know how badly I wish things were different."
"Finn...I...". The words are hard to say out loud but in this moment I felt it was the best choice for us both.
"I can't do this."
"What?" He asked bemused.
"There's no real place for me in your life. Not how we want it."
"What are you talking about?"
"You and I...it's just a fantasy."
"What the hell are you saying?"
"I'm saying...this can't work. The thought of you with someone else was bad enough and I accepted it, but then to see it and know there is no way around it...I don't think..."
"Annie please don't do this."
"Maybe we're just better off as friends." I tell him. His hands are shaking.
"That'll never be enough for me. I love you Annie. I love you with all my heart and soul. Please don't do this."
"I love you too, but it's not enough. I don't want to share you. It hurts too much."
He's silent. But what could he say. I hear his footstep leave the room.
I cry myself to sleep that night. The voices so loud in my head they become white noise.
In the morning we're back at District 4. Everyone was waiting for us. They cheered and applauded my victory. But it felt so bitter to me. Finn still hasn't said a word to me. I don't even think he's looked my way. The three of us make it to Victor Villa. Mags show me to my house. Finnick stayed at this house.
"It's so big." I comment when we enter.
"It feels like that at first. You'll get used to it. But if you need company I'm always next door."
"Thank you Mags."
"That goes for Finnick too. I know he's, hurt, angry, all of the above but if you need him I'm sure he'll be there."
"I just don't want to hurt him anymore and vise verse."
"I understand. He'll come around. Don't worry."
I'm left alone then. And it's so quite. I walk around the house and open everything windows. The beautiful sound of the ocean filled the house. I could almost hear myself think.
The sun sets and I pray for rest.
The next few days dragged on. Like some sort of limbo. I wake, I eat, I visit Mags, I come home, I eat, I sleep. Over and over. Every day.
Finnick had left for the capital the next day after we returned. That didn't take long. It hurt I won't lie. I tried to find some peace but it all felt like chaos. Some days I just don't want to get up. The voices win and I stay in bed paralyzed. Tears running constantly.
How the hell was I going to get though the Victor tours?
A week had passed when I heard Finnick had returned again. But I don't see him. It almost feel like the time he came home from the capital only to break my heart. Only I was the one to break both our hearts prematurely this time around.
I miss him. I miss the little time we had. I'm restless that night. More so then usual. I throw on a sweater and leave the back way. To the beach.
The dark skies. The cool sand. The waves like silver swirls.
I sat down and took in the site.
"Annie…Annie…" I thought it was just a voice in my head at first but.
I wasn't alone.
"Annie?"
My neck snaps to his voice.
"Finn..." I say back.
"Hi."
"Hello."
He nervously takes a seat close but not as close as we normally would sit.
"I...I went over and your house was wide open and empty. You scared me...I thought...well you're here. Everything's alright."
"Sorry, i forgot to close up. I just had to get out. Welcome back by the way." I say.
"Thanks…"
We're quiet for a moment, just Finn and I. With the cool ocean breeze.
Then he speaks.
"Annie..." he calls to me as he reaches for my hand. I let him take it.
"I'm sorry you had to see me and... I...I never wanted you to see me with anyone...but you know...you know it's not real. You and me that was real. Please don't...don't let us end."
"Finn..I...it's just hard to look past it right now. At first I thought I could be okay with this. But seeing it just...I can't take the image out of my head..." I start tearing up.
"Sweetheart." He grips my hand.
"Snow was right..." I think I'm saying to myself.
"What?!" He asks in shock.
"What?" I question.
"What do you mean, Snow was right?!" He all but yells at me.
I had no idea I said that out loud.
"What did he tell you?"
"I...he...he knew about us. Said I was too obvious. He said soon I'd be back home and you'd be back to work in the capital. He told me to..."
"To what?" He asks.
"To let that fantasy go, that there would never be space for me in your life." I say before braking into a sob.
"Annie..." he says as he pulls me into him.
I cry into his chest.
"Annie he's trying to manipulate us. Don't let him. He's trying to take you from me."
"But he's right Finn, we were just a dream. It's selfish but I want all of you for me, I don't want to have to share you."
"Annie, sweetheart. Those people may get a portion of a person I'm pretending to be. But me. The me you know. That's all yours. It'll always be all your."
"Finnick..."
"They get the great Finnick Odair. The version you slapped. You get Finn, the version of me I've never shown anyone. The version I had to put away years ago. The version I became reacquainted with when you walk up that stage at the reaping. When you came back into my life."
"I should have just died in the games."
"Don't say that...don't you ever say that!" He say holding me tight.
"Finn...if I weren't here you'd..."
"I'd be trying all I could to join you thats what I'd be doing..."
"Finn..."
"Annie you're my only reason for living, you're the only thing in this damn world I care about. I'm nothing without you."
"That's not true Finn."
"Yes it is. You're my reason for putting up with all of Snows bull shit. Before your reaping my life was dull and numb and my only purpose was keeping you safe. And I was content with that. But now. Now you know everything and even if it's in secret I can finally be with you. But you don't want me...I..I just."
"Finn that's not true, i want you, I want all of you and that the problem. I love you, I love you more then anything you know that."
"Then please...please stay with me. I promise you'll never see me with anyone ever again. I'll do all I can to be here with you, and to come back to you as fast as I can. Please Annie, you're all I want, all I need. Don't let his words come between us."
I love him so much. And he's right. Snow has always been pulling some stings to manipulate us. And it's true no one really knows Finn, the true Finn. That was absolutely all mine. No one would ever know him but me.
"Okay. As long the true version of you is all mine then I'll stay."
"Oh Annie, you don't know how happy that makes me." He says with a big beautiful smile.
He kisses my cheek, my neck, my forehead, my nose every part of me. Finishing off with my lips. We haven't touched each other in so long. I didn't know how much I really missed him till now. I can't believe I was on the verge of letting this man go forever.
"Let's get you home, it's staring to get cold out here." He says standing up, offering me a hand.
He pulls me to his side as we walk to my new house. I thought he was going to leave me there but he came in with me.
"Why don't you freshen up?" He suggested.
"Alright."
I head upstairs and take a quick shower.
When I return Finn has had a shower himself. He must have used the extra bathroom.
I notice Finnick had closed all the windows.
"I don't want to look foolish for assuming but. I was hopping to stay with you tonight."
"I wouldn't have it any other way." I answered.
He smiles.
We head on upstairs to hopefully have a peaceful nights sleep.
Finnick sheds off his clothes leaving him in his shorts.
I slip into bead. Into Finns open arms.
"I've missed holding you like this." He whispers.
"I've missed being in your arms." I whisper back.
His hand runs up my back. To my cheek where her caresses me.
"I'm yours, please know that. I'm all yours." He says assuring me.
"And I'm yours." I tell him.
He pulls me to him and kisses me softly.
"Sleep Love." He whispers as my eyes grow heavy.
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Hello readers!
Hope you've enjoyed the new chapter. Apologiesfor the lateness,life just always gets in the way of creativity.
Let me know what you think. Please review . Always love hearing from you guys.
Hope your all doing well.
Till next time, much love.
-Jacobs Nessie