After Voldemort's demise, Harry was left to find new things to do with his life. Since he was bored he decided to talk to the sorting hat. The magical hat stared at Harry Potter with curious eyes. As Harry explained that nothing was left for him after the defeat of the he who should not be named but was named anyways, the sorting hat spoke his words of wisdom. The head accessory spoke in a quiet voice, "You should probably get a hobby or something." Harry's eyes lit up, the hat was so wise! He obviously needed to find a girlfriend, as that would surely solve all his problems. Harry put on the hat and went to find a woman. He walked up to Hermonie but she was dead :(. He gave her a burial service using his iconic spell "Deadius dieius." He then went to find Ron Weasles, his secret lover. Too bad Ron was already too busty, which had drawn the lustful eye of Dumbledor. When Harry Pots opened the door to Rob's room he saw Ron in a threesome with Dumbledore and Hagrid, which was very traumatizing for him. With no further leads, he sat on a stump and depressed the button on his legs that activated the contemplation center of his cerebellum. Just then, a funny feeling brushed across his tender thigh. He looked at the surprising irritant to find the fuzzy feline Crookshanks. Harry's heart fluttered like a butterfly in the summer's breeze! He was shocked at the intense bedroom eyes he was getting from this sexy cat. Crookshanks purred like a motorized cat. Hairy potters pet the cat. The cat buzzed like a bee within the strike zone of an atomic bomb. HE CONSIDERED HIS OPTIONS. He DIDN'T want to LEAVE the CAT alONE. The cat meowed sexily. Harry popper took the cat and brought it to hogwards. He reached his hand into the goblet of fire and pulled out the MAGIC ring of HOGWARTS. He kneeled down on one knee and said to Crookshanks "Will you marry me?" Crookshanks responded with glee, "OMG YES!" Harry potter fell over. Crookshanks swept Harry off his feet and ran into the Chamber of Secrets. They locked the door behind them and jumped into the convineently located bed. Harry pulled out his Elder Wand and got ready to cast his magical spell.
After many unholy meows later the two rested in a satisfactory way because they were satisfied. After 9 months Crookshanks began to grow. Harry said woah. After 45 more years Crookshanks gave birth to a horrible creature. It was bearded and fat. Its first words were YOU'RE A WIZZARD HARRY. It was Hagrid! Harry said in a content tone, "Wow, this really is a Harry Potter and the Cursed Child."
He then died in a car accident 3 days later
The end