Chapter 19- Snape
Life had settled into a routine, at last. Admittedly, it was a routine that Severus never could have fathomed, seeing as it involved regular visits from his son and a distinct lack of them from any Dark Lords, but it was a routine nonetheless, and he rather found he enjoyed it. For the first time in recent memory, his life was not the miserable existence he'd become accustomed to. The feeling was so foreign to him that he often found himself waiting for the other shoe to drop, and being cautiously relieved each time it did not.
This evening saw him once again making the long trek across the castle to the Headmaster's office. He could have used the floo, but he liked to use the walk to clear his head and prepare for these meetings. Since Dumbledore's revelation about the Horcruxes a few months ago, Severus had found himself needing a little extra time to prepare. It would not do to continuously fly off the handle at one of the few people who could comfortably bear his company. Finally, he pushed open the door to the Headmaster's office and strode in, taking his now-familiar seat and pouring himself a cup of tea.
Moments later, Dumbledore emerged from his inner office and smiled.
"As always, it is good to see you, Severus. How is Harry doing?" Dumbledore inquired in greeting.
"As well as can be expected, I suppose. I see less of him these days, what with the resumption of Quidditch practices and his new girlfriend."
"Yes, the Weasley girl. He was quite eager to leave my office the other day, presumably so he could spend time with her. They are quite the pair."
"Yes. In truth, I don't mind the match. I was concerned that her willful impulsivity would feed into his recklessness, but they seem to temper each other, somehow. Even his grades are improving, which is not something professors typically see when students enter a new relationship."
"No, it is not. Though, I would remind you that Miss Weasley is not the only new influence in Harry's life. I daresay some of these improvements should be credited to you."
"Credit me nothing. I haven't the slightest idea what I'm doing. Teaching teenagers does not prepare a person to suddenly become the parent of one, to say nothing of our other circumstances. The fact that we are both still alive and willing to continue on this course is likely only a testament to our shared stubbornness and unwillingness to disappoint a dead woman."
"Severus, you shock me! I believed you had genuine feelings for the boy."
Severus sighed and put down his cup.
"I do."
"Then why the insistence on mere stubbornness? Surely there is also a bond of affection tying you together just as strongly."
"My affection for Harry is unquestioned. I also do not question his affection for me. I have begun to wonder, though, if they may not be in balance."
"In what way?" Dumbledore asked, eyes shining both quizzitive and knowing over his infernal half-moon spectacles.
Severus waffled, hesitant to speak aloud what he had privately harbored for some time now.
"I care for him deeply," he said.
"As I believe he cares for you," Dumbledore replied. "It must be more than that."
Severus sighed again, cursing the older man's perception.
"I question…" Severus started, "I question whether the boy could ever...love me..as I have come to love him."
Dumbledore sat back in his seat and regarded Severus with a look that the dark haired man could only describe as smug and self-satisfied.
"Oh, don't look at me that way," Severus grumped. "Even I am capable of love, though the opportunity so rarely presents itself."
"Don't mistake me, Severus. I know what you are capable of, more than most, I daresay. It is simply refreshing to me to watch the shell of disinterest with which you have surrounded yourself these last years finally begin to crack."
"I wouldn't call it refreshing so much as painful. I had forgotten the vulnerability that came with opening your heart to a person. I have gone to great lengths to eliminate vulnerabilities and I am quite unused to them."
"Yes, but despite conventional wisdom, I believe they're good for you. And I would not worry so much about Harry's reticence to return those feelings. His childhood has been hard, perhaps even harder than your own, and he has very little recollection of what parental love truly feels like, despite the influence of the Weasley family. I would guess that the poor boy wouldn't know how to articulate his feelings for you, even if he did love you, which, for what it's worth, I believe he does."
"Well Petunia and her fat oaf of a husband certainly didn't help on that account."
"No, I suppose they did not. It's a pity Harry has had to spend so much time with them."
"A pity which could easily have been rectified had you simply removed him from the situation."
"I have previously explained to you the necessity of his remaining in the home of his blood relatives."
"And I have previously told you that blood relation does not guarantee affection, as has been demonstrated quite clearly. And, though I know we have other matters to discuss this evening, I would like a moment to broach this subject with you. This seems as good a time as any. I will not have Harry return to that house."
"I maintain that he must be housed with a blood relative."
"And he shall be. He will live with me."
Dumbledore adjusted himself in his seat. Only a man who knew him as well as Severus did would recognize it as a movement meant to mask his surprise. Severus scoffed internally. Surely the old man must have seen this coming.
"I have spent the last few months securing and furnishing a residence," he continued. "I spoke with Bill Weasley about it over the holidays and between us we have applied all manner of protections. It is modest, but I am hopeful that Harry will find it amenable. I would like to take him to see it next week, during the Easter holiday break. To be clear, I am not asking your permission to do this. Harry is my son and I will not send him back into a home in which he is regularly abused and neglected. He and I may be an unconventional pair with our own problems to work through, but even were he not my son, I would not subject him to that life now that my eyes have been opened to it. Fortunately for you, he is my son, and therefore can be afforded the same blood protection under my roof that he was given under his aunt's. And significantly more care."
Dumbledore tented his fingers in front of his face. After a pause, he spoke.
"Well then, it appears to be settled."
"Indeed it is. Now, I believe we were going to review a list of some places Voldemort may have visited as a child. Shall we begin?"
And with that, the conversation turned to other matters.
It was a short time later when Severus found himself standing at the bottom of the Quidditch stands just out of the bracing early-Spring wind. The red-and-gold-clad members of his son's Quidditch team zoomed about in the air, practicing for their upcoming match. A few moments later, one landed next to him.
"Spying on the enemy?" Harry asked with a grin, pulling his gloves off to blow on his cold fingers. "Too bad practice is pretty much over."
"Merely watching my son doing something he is very good at," Severus replied. Harry's wind-chapped face went even redder than it already was. "If I happen to notice a few strategies that I could pass along to my team captain, that is merely a bonus," he continued.
"Oi!" Harry chirped in mock indignation, still smiling.
A smiling redhead landed next to Harry and dismounted.
"Evening, sir!" Ginny greeted cheerfully, snaking her arm through Harry's.
"Good evening, Miss Weasley."
"Hey, the team's going in. Are you coming or will you be a minute?" Ginny asked Harry. He cast a glance at Severus, who gave him a weighty one in return. Harry seemed to get the message.
"No, I'll be along later. Don't wait around for me. I'll catch up with you in the Common Room."
"Okay," Ginny said as she flashed him a smile and reached up to plant a kiss on his cheek. "See you."
At this point, Harry's face went, if possible, even more red than it had been. Severus smirked internally. He rather suspected the girl had done it on purpose, if the cheeky grin she gave the poor boy as she dashed away was any indication. Harry rubbed at the back of his neck in a way that was becoming very familiar to Severus. He took pity on the boy and led him by a different route back to the castle, saying nothing for a few moments and allowing Harry to make the next move. Harry did not disappoint.
"So, this walk is nice and all, but I kind of thought you had something you wanted to talk to me about."
"Are you implying that you would rather have walked back to the common room with Miss Weasley than with me?"
"Well, I mean, I-" Harry spluttered. Severus let out one of his rare chuckles.
"You would be foolish to want anything less. However, I regret that I must divert your attention for a while. I have a proposition for you."
"Okay."
"I was wondering if you would like to take a short trip with me over the Easter holidays. I know you had planned on remaining here with your friends, but I have something I'd like to show you. It will only be for two days."
Harry said nothing for a moment, just looked at him. Severus was beginning to feel inexplicably nervous when Harry cocked his head to the side, regarded him through narrowed eyes, and spoke.
"That's it?" the boy asked.
"Yes."
Harry shook his head minutely and resumed walking.
"I sort of thought it was something serious by the way you were acting."
"Well it is a bit serious. Also, it will take you away from your friends and girlfriend during a time you had previously planned to spend with them."
"Yeah, but that's not a big deal. I'll be spending that time with you, which is also something I'd been hoping to do over break. I mean, if that's okay with you," Harry said, seeming suddenly nervous.
"Of course."
"Well then I don't see a problem. Unless...we're not going to be fighting dementors or going on some deadly mission or anything are we?"
"I sincerely hope not."
"I notice you didn't just say, 'no,' which implies that it's still a possibility."
"Harry, with you, when is it not a possibility?"
"Fair point," Harry conceded with a small smile. The pair had arrived back at the castle doors.
"Meet me in my quarters at 9 on Saturday morning. We will start the break with our excursion, then you can have the rest of the time with your friends, uninterrupted. You'll need to pack an overnight bag."
"Cool. See you then!" Harry replied as he began climbing the steps to Gryffindor tower.
"See you," Severus said to his retreating form.
Saturday morning found Severus pacing nervously across his quarters, wearing the ancient stone even smoother with his repeated footsteps. This new, nervous aspect of him was not something Severus was overly fond of, yet, like most bad habits, he found himself unable to shake it as easily as he would like. Suddenly having someone he cared for in his life also meant he suddenly had someone whose approval he desperately desired.
And besides that, this was not exactly a small step he was taking here. He was inviting this boy into his home. This boy who, Severus was acutely aware, would be a fully qualified wizard in three months, capable of making his own way in the world, if he so chose. But Severus couldn't help hoping he'd choose to stick around a little bit longer and give their strange little family a real chance.
Because, the thing is, Severus wanted this to work. Desperately. He had never wanted anything more desperately than he wanted this. Despite that, he was acutely aware that desperate desires often led to desperate actions, which often led to utter ruin. So, he was walking quite a fine line.
Abruptly, Harry's knock at the door interrupted his thoughts. Severus shook himself out and opened the door.
Harry stood, as expected, on the other side, blinking blearily and stifling a yawn.
"Well, good morning to you, too," Severus drawled as the boy stumbled in. "I wasn't aware 9 a.m. was such an early start for you."
"It's the first day of the hols. I don't think Seamus went to bed until...well I'm not sure, actually. Neville kicked him and Dean out of the dorm sometime around 3, I think, after their Exploding Snap game nearly burned all the leaves off one of his plants. Dunno when they came back, but they were asleep when I left."
"All packed?"
In response, Harry held up the leather rucksack Severus had given him for just such an occasion.
"Excellent. Shall we go, then?"
"Still not telling me where we're going?"
"All in due time."
"As we're leaving, I sort of thought this would be 'due time.'"
"As usual, you are incorrect." Severus rebutted as he threw some floo powder into the grate and gestured Harry forward.
"As usual!?" Harry sputtered, but his response was lost in the whoosh of the flames as Severus called out their destination (The Hideaway) and they spun dizzily through the floo.
As they arrived, Severus stepped austerely out of the flames, then scrambled to catch Harry as he tumbled gracelessly beside him.
"I will never be good at that," Severus heard the boy mumble, and he stifled a smile. He waited as Harry brushed himself off and straightened. "So where are we?" he asked.
"The Hideaway," Severus replied as he waved his wand, flipping the switch on the wall to turn on the lights. They stood in a modestly-sized living room, complete with a set of comfortable looking couches and a half-filled bookshelf. There was a door to the left that stood slightly ajar, revealing a staircase that went both up and down. The wall opposite the largest couch was completely obscured by floor-to-ceiling charcoal-colored drapes. Severus watched as Harry took it in quickly, his observant eyes darting here and there.
"Is this your new house?" he finally asked.
"Yes. Would you like to see more of it?"
"Sure."
And so began the tour of the house. It was tall and narrow, with stairs running right through the middle and multiple landings leading to rooms going off in both directions. He showed Harry the garage, which he had already begun converting into a potions brewing and storage area, two smaller rooms, which he'd yet to find much use for, and the kitchen.
The kitchen was small and a bit outdated, but usable, certainly. Severus watched as Harry opened a few of the cabinets, noting the tableware and cups that had already been stored away. He paused for a moment when he opened the cabinet that Severus knew contained mugs. A strange expression crossed the boy's face before he smoothed it back out into the mask of polite interest he sometimes wore. Severus knew this was one of the traits Harry had inherited from himself, yet he found it frustrating all the same. He tried not to let it get to him as he continued with the tour.
At last, they arrived at the topmost level. This landing also had two doors, opposite each other. Severus, still behind Harry on the steps, gestured for the boy to open one. He reached for the one on the right and swung open the door.
This was Severus's room. It was simple, but it was also clearly his. A queen-sized bed of dark wood stood against the wall. The window was covered in a silvery-grey curtain and the walls were painted a calming sage green color. A bookshelf took up the majority of the opposite wall, occupying all the space between the two doors set into it. A small, but comfortable-looking chair sat next to a small table and lamp in the only remaining space. It was not a large room, but it would suit Severus's needs just fine.
Severus watched as again, Harry took it all in. His eyes roved over some of the familiar items that Severus had already placed in this space. He hesitated a moment as he noted the two closed doors in the wall opposite the bed, his eyes flicking momentarily back out to the other closed door in the hallway. His brows drew together slightly and he turned to Severus with a look that the man had never seen before.
Severus stood still as Harry seemed to search him. As difficult as both of their childhoods had been, they had been difficult in very different ways. Severus could not begin to fathom what the young man was thinking now as he stood in this house with his father. After some time, Harry finally stopped searching Severus's face and stepped back out to the landing. He followed.
Harry put his hand on the knob, then surprised Severus when he abruptly pulled his hand back and spun around, facing him again.
"Listen," Harry began, a slight tremor in his voice. "I'm not...I'm not good at this...this stuff, and I know this is still, in terms of most families, very new and extremely weird. But I think we've got something good going here and I don't want to mess it up with what I'm about to say. There were two couches downstairs, and some of the books I've kept in your quarters were on the shelf, and the mug I've been using that I thought I'd lost was in the cupboard in the kitchen, and...listen, if what's on the other side of this door isn't a red and gold monstrosity of a bedroom, I need you to tell me right now. Before I open it. If it's just a bathroom, or a study, or another potions lab, that's fine, but I need to know now. I can't...I-"
"Just open it, son," Snape replied as gently as he could.
Harry's wild gaze dropped closed for a moment before he took an unsteady breath and opened the door.
To describe the room as a red and gold monstrosity would be unfair to it. It was certainly brighter than Severus's room, but that wasn't very difficult to achieve as Severus's time living in a dungeon had left him with a propensity towards darker decor. The walls in this room were a light dove grey, which made the room feel larger than its counterpart, though they were actually mirror-images of each other. Harry's bed was similar to Severus's, but his covers were a deep red, and a mustard-yellow blanket lay folded across the foot. The curtain was a deeper grey with red stitching around the edge. Harry's room also bore a bookshelf, smaller than Severus's and painted to match the walls, and a chair, table, and lamp. The walls had already been adorned with a few bits of Gryffindor paraphernalia, and a red and gold letter H hung on the wall above the bed. While it was certainly not a "monstrosity," Harry would not easily be able to deny that it was his.
Harry took it all in with a look of wonder. Gone was the pleasantly polite visage and in its place was something that reminded Severus of Christmas. Harry ran a hand over the bed as he walked deeper into the space, spinning slowly to digest every detail. Severus noted his face the moment he observed the two doors in his wall. His brow furrowed curiously and he strode to the first. He pulled it open to reveal a decently-sized closet, mostly empty, save for a few extra sets of sheets folded neatly on one shelf. Leaving the door slightly ajar, he moved to open the other.
If Severus hadn't been watching with his own eyes as Harry's jaw hit the floor, he would have told you it was impossible. The boy quickly shook himself and looked at Severus in astonishment.
"Is this...my own bathroom?"
"Yes. I also have one. The home originally only had one bathroom, which was to be shared between the two rooms, but I felt it was best for us each to have our own. I'm quite used to my privacy, and you're nearly an adult, so sharing a bathroom wasn't something I wanted to navigate at this time. Bill Weasley actually converted it for me, as I have been quite busy with other things. And I think his fiancee helped with the decor, with input from Bill and myself. But, of course, anything you don't like can be changed."
"So, you really, actually intend for me to live here. With you. Not...not at the Dursleys'?"
Severus regarded the boy carefully. Harry's face, usually so guarded and closed was like an open book. The look on his face reminded Severus of the faces of muggle-born first years as they walked into the Great Hall to be sorted, unsure if they really belong or if it is all some elaborate joke. He rested his hand gently on Harry's shoulder.
"Harry, you are my son. I would no more send you back into that hellhole than I would send myself. Less so, even. Whatever may have happened between us in the past, whatever we may have been, whatever ill will we may have wished upon each other, you must know that I would still never have wished that on you. And certainly not now. You will never go back to that place, so long as I am alive to prevent it."
Harry sank into the nearby chair heavily, dropping his head into his hands. Severus heard the breath whoosh out of the boy in a great exhale as his shoulders dropped and the tension visibly left his body.
"I take it you like it, then?" he asked the boy.
"Honestly, it could be a crumbling shack on a deserted island in the middle of the sea and so long as the Dursley's weren't there, I'd love it. But yeah, it's actually really great." Harry hesitated. "But also, how do you know about what it was like at the Dursleys? After that time I stormed out, we haven't really talked about them."
Severus sighed and perched on the edge of the crimson bed. "I visited them."
Harry leaned forward, a look of mild horror on his face.
"When?"
"Near the beginning of the school year. It was after the accident, but before we had begun talking to each other. It was, in fact, a critical factor in my change of attitude towards the entire situation. You should have heard the conversation I had with Dumbledore following my excursion. I still have not quite forgiven him for allowing you to live in such a place for so long."
"He didn't know."
"He should have known better. But we cannot undo what is in the past. We have spent the past seven months attempting to move forward, rather than dwell on what is behind, so that is what I plan to continue to do. This, Harry, is what you should have had all along. A room to call your own, that suits your personality and represents the things you enjoy. A cupboard under the stairs or a spare room filled with junk is hardly appropriate living conditions for any human. And I said as much to your aunt when I slammed the door in her face and declared that she would never see you again."
"You slammed the door on Aunt Petunia?"
"I did. I also yelled at her."
"I've sort of always wanted to do that."
"I don't blame you. While we're on the subject, I rescued something from your room while I was there." He pointed to a framed picture on top of the bedside table. Harry followed his finger and gasped when he saw the picture of Lily. He stood from the chair and grabbed the photo.
"I thought I'd lost this! When I got to Hogwarts and couldn't find it...well. I couldn't exactly owl Aunt Petunia and ask her to send it along, could I? I figured it was gone for good. Thank you."
"It was truly the least I could do."
"So...you saw it then? My room at the Dursley's?"
"Yes. As well as your...old one."
"Ah." Harry turned away and rubbed at the back of his neck, embarrassed again.
"There's nothing to be ashamed of, Harry. You had nothing to do with how they treated you. Being different from someone else is no reason to be held prisoner in your own home. I know I am not one to speak of equality and fairness and justice, considering who I chose to align myself with in my youth, but Petunia and her husband had no right to treat you that way. Truthfully, given the atrocities you were subjected to all your life, it's a wonder you weren't ensnared by the Dark Lord's promise of revenge."
"Just because my aunt and uncle are horrible people doesn't mean all muggles are. Loads of them are really decent, actually. And there are some pretty awful wizards out there."
"I know. It is one of the things I had to learn when I first defected. It is not magical ability that determines a person's worth, but character. You seem to have been born with the same innate understanding of this truth that your mother had. I, unfortunately, was not, and it was a...challenging lesson to learn."
They sat in introspective silence for a moment, before Severus broke it.
"Well, in any case, I'm glad you approve of your room. But, I confess, I haven't even shown you the best part," Severus added as he walked out of the room, trusting that the insatiably curious boy would follow. He smiled as he heard the boy whisper "What more could there possibly be?" as they returned to the room where they had first entered the house. He strode confidently to the middle of the room and pointed his wand at the curtained wall. With one swish, he flung them open to reveal an entire wall of floor to ceiling windows with a sliding door set in the center. Harry gasped behind him as together they took in the view. In front of them was a narrow road, bordered by an ornate stone fence, beyond which was a tram line, a bit of waving field grass, and beyond that, as far as the eye could see, was the ocean.
"Where are we?" Harry asked, breathlessly.
"North side of Blackpool, on the coast, as you can see. Given that I spend the majority of my time in a dungeon, I thought a change of scenery might be nice, especially in the summer. Do you disagree?"
"No! No, this is certainly better than...actually just about anything. I mean, the views from the tower are great, but this is something else."
"There's also a nice garden around the back. It is accessed through a door in the garage."
The garden was, as Severus had promised, "nice." It was a sort of average garden, with a bit of a sitting area and a bit of green space, surrounded by walls that would keep your neighbors from invading the space, but not from seeing into it from their windows, so there would certainly be no Quidditch and only the most unnoticeable of magics. Severus had considered putting the place under the Fidelius, and still hadn't entirely ruled it out, if circumstances required it, but he was reluctant to completely sequester themselves. It was important, Severus felt, for both of them to become a part of the community, even if they would be absent for the better part of the year. Perhaps he was being foolish, and it certainly went against his instincts, but he was really trying to do something different, here.
After exploring the house and garden, Severus suggested they stroll down to the grocer's nearby and pick up some food for the weekend. Harry scrutinized him warily.
"Is there a wizard grocer's around here? Actually, is there a wizard grocer's at all? I've never asked. Where do wizards get their food?"
"There's a shop in Diagon Alley and another in Hogsmeade. Both have a store front, but also fill owl orders. There are other small shops in various communities around the country. There's one not far from here, in fact, though that isn't where we're going."
"Oh. Where are we going?"
"There's a Tesco around the corner."
Harry looked like he'd been smacked in the face.
"You're taking me to the Tesco?"
"Have you never been?"
"Of course I have. There was a Morrison's down the road where Aunt Petunia did her shopping. I've been a couple times when she didn't have time to drop me back at the house first. But have you ever been to a Tesco?"
"Oh, regularly, in my youth. My father hated it when my mother apparated, and the closest wizarding grocers near us was over an hour by car, so we did most of our shopping locally in muggle supermarkets. But I haven't been in many years."
"Oh. Is there a reason we aren't going to the wizarding market, then? I've never been to a wizard grocers before."
Severus regarded Harry through narrowed eyes.
"Given the bounty on both our heads, I thought it might attract a bit of unwanted attention. I regarded it as a bit of a security concern."
Harry nodded. "Right. Of course. Tesco it is, then. But, er...you might want to change first."
Severus regarded his outfit.
"Is there something wrong with my clothing?" he asked the boy.
He watched as Harry's gaze traveled from the tips of his distinctly old-fashioned black boots, up the length of his black pants, shirt, and waistcoat, and back down to the hem of his black cloak.
"No, you're right. I'm sure you won't attract any 'unwanted attention' when you sweep into the Tesco looking like Dracula's estranged cousin."
Severus raised his eyebrow sardonically as he regarded the boy. He casually waved his wand transfigured his ensemble into something distinctly more muggle, though still in his signature black.
"'Dracula's estranged cousin?'" he replied.
"I mean, if the shoe fits…" Harry said. "Also, would it kill you to wear an actual color?"
"Black is a color."
"A different color."
Severus regarded the boy in amusement for a moment before he again waved his wand at himself.
"Better?" he asked.
Harry scrutinized him through narrowed eyes before replying, "You look exactly the same."
Severus lifted the hem of his pant leg to reveal that his normally solid-black socks were now pinstriped in a shining green thread. He smirked.
"Better?" he asked again.
Harry rolled his eyes. "Cheater," he replied as he turned towards the front door. Severus's deep chuckle followed the boy out into the crisp, salty air of springtime on the coast. They began the short walk to the supermarket in amiable silence, by all appearances just a man and his son out to do a bit of weekend shopping.
He then proceeded to purchase more food than he believed could reasonably be consumed in the short amount of time they'd be in the home, but Harry's excitement was contagious and he found he had a bit of a hard time telling the young man he couldn't have something, especially when that thing was food, something Severus knew he'd been sorely denied. In truth, Harry asked for significantly less than what Severus assumed the average teenage boy would demand, so he had little to complain about. Whatever snacks Harry didn't eat over the next two days would undoubtedly be consumed by himself and his dormmates immediately upon his return to the castle.
And, to be quite honest, this little slice of what Severus assumed normal life would have been like had done something strange to his overall demeanor and he had very little desire to change one single thing about that extraordinarily ordinary trip to the supermarket.
The rest of the day was spent playing chess, taking a chilly afternoon stroll along the seaside promenade, and making dinner. Despite Harry's occasional struggles with potions-making, Severus noted that he was actually rather skilled at preparing meals, particularly ones in which the directions were on the package. Why it took him six years to be able to translate one skill into the other, Severus did not understand.
After dinner, they each retired to their rooms for the evening, and spent their first night in their new home.
Severus awoke on Sunday feeling both out of place and extremely comfortable. It had been a while since Severus had experienced that feeling of disorientation that usually comes after the first night sleeping in a new place, but it was a feeling that was immediately recognizable. After blinking a few times and remembering where he was, he took a moment to revel in the comfort that comes from waking up in a space that is entirely, uniquely yours, then got up and went to begin his day. After all, he was not the sort to simply lay about in bed all morning.
Having no potions to tend, he instead set about unloading, sorting, and organizing some of the ingredients he had packed in his bag for just such purpose. It would take many more trips back and forth to get the space ready for use in the summer, but it was coming along nicely. Some hours later, Severus heard the boy moving about in his room upstairs.
At first, the noise had startled him, being one unaccustomed to having other occupants in his living space, but after the initial shock wore off, Severus quite liked the knowledge that he was not alone in this space. That there was someone for him to share it with. He smiled and looked into his teacup. Finding it empty, and suspecting Harry might like a bit of caffeine in the morning, he went to the kitchen and refilled the kettle, before returning to his lab in the garage to work.
It was here where Harry, heavy-lidded, pajama-clad, and with two cups of tea in hand, found his father. Severus reached out and took his cup with a thank you, which the sleepy boy ignored in favor of taking a deep drink from his own cup.
"Rough night?" Severus teased, gently.
"No. It was good. Sleeping in a new place is weird, you know? But the room is good. I like it."
"I'm glad to hear that."
"You sleep good?" Harry asked Severus in an awkward attempt at morning small talk. He took another long drink from his mug and frowned into it.
"Yes, it was quite pleasant. Something wrong?"
Harry shook himself a bit. "Not really. I just didn't used to drink so much tea before I starting spending time with you. Now, it's like, if I don't have a cup in the morning I'm knackered for the rest of the day."
"Ah. Welcome to caffeine addiction. You truly are on the cusp of adulthood."
"Aren't parents supposed to help their kids avoid things like addictions?"
"No, I'm fairly certain parents are supposed to burden their children with all their own hangups and bad habits. I feel I have done an exemplary job in this, even before I was your father. You're welcome."
"Thanks. I will never be able to repay you for such kindness." Harry replied in a tone that Severus ruefully recognized as not dissimilar from his own sardonic sarcasm as he cast an eerily familiar smirk into his mug.
Was Harry seriously picking up his mannerisms in only seven months? If the boy truly began behaving as Severus did...sweet Merlin. He was certainly not prepared for that.
But perhaps a bit of Harry's personality was rubbing off on Severus, too, as he impulsively blurted out a thought he'd secretly been harboring for a few weeks.
"Harry, I would like to petition the Ministry for the assumption of paternal rights."
Harry's eyes went wide and his hand stopped with his mug halfway to his mouth. He stared at Severus with an unreadable expression.
"I wasn't going to mention it, given that you are nearly seventeen, and therefore your need for a guardian is diminishing," he continued. "But increasingly I find that I do not wish to be merely your guardian. I wish you be your father. Truly. In every sense of the word. And a father's role does not cease when the son comes of age."
Harry set his mug down slowly and dropped his eyes.
"I understand if this is something you do not want. Our relationship has been...fraught, to say the least. I have been the opposite of what a father should be. I could not see past my own hurt and my own petty selfishness. I am entirely unworthy of any degree of affection you may have for me. But I see you now for who you are, not simply whose name you bear. You are certainly not perfect. You often still annoy me, even occasionally provoke me, but I wish to rectify the wrong that was done to you by me. I want to claim you as my own. I want the world to know you are mine. But greater even than that, I want you to know you are mine. My son."
Severus's heart was beating riotously in his chest and his palms were wet with a nervous sweat. Harry was still avoiding his eyes.
"Though your permission is not strictly required for this petition, I would not wish to do it without your approval," Severus added quietly. "If I should discontinue this line of thought, you must merely ask and I will do so."
Harry took a deep breath.
"Did you know that when you're talking about something you think I won't like you start sounding really formal?" Harry spoke tentatively, still looking down at the floor.
"I will endeavor to rectify that in future."
Harry's mouth quirked up on one side.
"Sure you will."
Severus sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He took a step forward and placed a hand on Harry's shoulder.
"Ok. Let's try again, then. Harry. Do you mind if I ask the Ministry if I can be your father? Officially?"
Harry did not move for some time, then, he cautiously reached up and placed his hand on Severus's arm, the one that rested on his shoulder. His hand squeezed gently for a moment before he raised his head. Tears shimmered in the corners of his eyes.
"I can't."
Severus dropped his hand from Harry's shoulder and took a step back in shock.
"What do you mean you can't?"
"I just can't, okay? There's...there's things you don't know about me. Things that if you did know, you'd never even have asked. You wouldn't want anything to do with me."
"Harry, I-" Severus stepped towards the boy again, but Harry stepped back, bumping into one of the potions tables and making a few vials of ingredients rattle against each other.
"No! I'm serious! You wouldn't want me if you knew."
Unable to retreat, Harry avoided Severus's gaze as the older man gripped both of Harry's shoulders gently. He bent down slightly, but only very slightly, so they were eye to eye.
"Harry. Look at me."
Harry reluctantly dragged his gaze to the older man's. His green orbs, so like Lily's and still shiny with unshed tears, tugged at his heart.
"There is absolutely nothing you could tell me that would stop me from wanting to be your father."
Harry's eyes drifted closed and he swallowed heavily before twisting out of Severus's grasp and striding across the small room.
"See, you say that now, but you can't possibly-"
"Yes, I can! Nothing you could tell me about yourself would be worse than the things I have said and done in my life."
"What if I killed someone?" Harry rebutted. His face was growing red and he spoke sharply.
"Have you?" Snape replied with more vigor than he intended.
"No, but-"
"Because I have. I've killed people, Harry. I've tortured them. I've participated in more evils than I care to recount. I will never be able to atone for what I've done, even if I did it for the greater good, which, by the way, was not always the case. It isn't something I'm proud of, but for once I am glad of it, if only because it will show you that there is truly nothing about you that could be worse than the truth about me."
"You don't understand."
"Then tell me. Make me understand."
Harry sighed deeply and ran a hand through his hair in an unconscious imitation of Severus's actions from moments ago. His eyes darted around the room as if he was seeking a way out of the situation. Finding none, he at last met Severus's eyes again. He looked resigned.
"There's a prophecy. About me. Dumbledore told me at the end of last year. It's what Voldemort was looking for in the Department of Mysteries when Sirius died. The prophecy broke before I could hear it, but Dumbledore showed me the memory from when it was made. It basically says that either Voldemort has to kill me or I have to kill him. Either way, I'm either dead or a murderer. So, not exactly someone you'd want for your son."
A heavy silence hung in the room.
"Is that all?" Severus asked.
Harry looked back at him, incredulous.
"What do you mean 'is that all'?! Isn't that enough?! I'm destined to kill someone or be killed by them. And honestly, the second is seeming much more likely, these days. The prophecy also says I have some special power Voldemort doesn't have, which Dumbledore thinks is love, which is stupid because that isn't a power, anyway. Am I supposed to hug Voldemort to death? So, on second thought, yeah, I'm definitely going to die."
Severus waved a hand. "It is merely a prophecy, and one given by a woman not typically known for her accuracy in such things. Sybill Trelawney is many things, but authoritative Seeress is not among them."
"I don't know. The prophecy she gave in my third year came true. And she seemed to be in the same trance-like state both times." Harry argued. Then he stilled. "But, hang on. How did you know it was Professor Trelawney who made the prophecy? Did Dumbledore show you the memory? Did you already know about this? Why didn't you tell me?"
Severus shook his head.
"Professor Dumbledore did not tell me, but I knew about it all the same, though I confess I have never heard its entirety. I did not know you possess a special power. I would like to hear the whole thing when we return to Hogwarts. Whether I believe the prophecy or not, the Dark Lord certainly does, and we would be well-served to study it as closely as we can."
"But...but how did you know about it if Dumbledore didn't tell you? Did Voldemort tell you."
"No. He would never reveal that there is a prophecy regarding his potential demise. That would be evidence that he has a weakness, something which he adamantly maintains to his sycophants that he does not have. No. I was the one who told him about the prophecy. One of my earliest missions was to spy on Dumbledore's meetings. It was mostly an assignment to get me out of the way. Nobody knew what I would overhear that day. I was found out by Aberforth, Dumbledore's brother, and thrown out before I could hear more than the first sentence of that prophecy, but I went immediately to Voldemort with what I knew. I have known, from before you were even born, that you had the power to defeat him. That you must be the one to kill him or that you have a special ability he doesn't possess is news to me, and is certainly worth investigating, but I knew of the prophecy long before you ever did."
"So...so you're telling me that Voldemort knew the prophecy because of you?"
"Yes."
"He killed my parents because of that prophecy. And you mean that you're the one who gave it to him?"
Severus did not correct Harry's use of the word "parents" by pointing out that one of them was technically still alive. This conversation had taken a turn that Severus had a very strong feeling he was very much going to regret.
"Yes. It is a decision I have regretted every moment of my life since."
"I don't care. I don't care that you regretted it. If you hadn't done it, my mum would still be alive."
"A fact of which I am acutely and painfully aware."
"No. No! You don't get to be 'painfully aware' of things in this conversation. This was a decision you made that ruined my life. You've been pounding into my head these past months that actions have consequences, right? And that we have to live with the consequences of those actions, whatever they may be-"
"I've been teaching you that so you can learn to be more careful of your actions so as not to repeat my mistakes!"
"SHUT UP!" Harry screamed, red faced as he pushed against a nearby table, scattering unbreakable vials and sending them bouncing across the floor. He stared Severus down from across the room with fists clenched tightly at his sides.
"You don't have ANY RIGHT to lecture me on mistakes or actions or consequences, when the biggest consequence of your actions resulted in the absolute hellscape that has been my entire life! And then, on top of all of that, you don't feel the need to even MENTION that the ENTIRE REASON I didn't get to grow up with a mum and dad who actually cared for me was because you were so blinded by your need to prove yourself to an evil man that you betrayed the only woman you ever loved!"
"Do you think I don't know that?!" Severus yelled. He could feel his own face growing red to match his son's. "Do you think I don't live with that every day of my life. I'M the one who...it was because of ME that… I-"
"JUST SAY IT!"
"I KILLED HER! I DID! MY ACTIONS DIRECTLY RESULTED IN THE DEATH OF THE ONLY WOMAN I EVER LOVED AND ROBBED YOU OF A LIFE WITH HER! I DID IT! AND I HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT FOR THE REST OF MY BLOODY LIFE!" Severus bellowed, red-faced and panting.
Harry stood silently fuming across the room for a moment, father and son both breathing heavily, both red in the face, twin visages with different eyes, both shining.
Harry's eyes hardened as he spoke in a cold voice, "Well, I don't."
He pushed through the door and stomped up the stairs to his room. Severus heard the door banging heavily against the wall as Harry shoved it open. He listened in pained silence as the boy moved about above him, his steps muffled by the empty floors between them. He heard as Harry stomped back down the stairs. He heard the boy shout for Professor Dumbledore's office and he heard the roaring flames of the floo. And then, he heard nothing.
He was alone, again.
A Few Weeks Later
Severus held up yet another abysmal second-year student sample, this one labeled "Arbuckle, Katrina." Well, if this potion was anything to go by, poor little Katrina wasn't destined to be a great potion-maker.
But then, very few were.
He marked her grade down in his ledger (Dreadful), and moved to the next flask. Just as his fingers were closing around the neck, he felt a small tremor and a thin trail of stone dust came drifting down from the ceiling. He brushed it off his ledger with a grimace, cursing troublemaking students who were no doubt causing irreparable damage to the historic building with foolish pranks. He went back to his grading.
Then, a stronger tremor shook the building and a larger trail of dust came down as the bottles on his desk rattled together. Just as he was wondering if perhaps more adult intervention was needed, a silver cat burst through the walls and alighted directly atop his dust-covered ledger.
His stomach dropped into his toes.
"He's gone," the cat hissed. Just those two words, before it faded away into a cloud of silver vapor.
But Severus did not see it disappear. He was already out the door, cloak snapping out behind him like a cape, careless of the overturned, shattered bottles of poorly-brewed second-year color changing potions that were slowly spreading across the countertop, gently smoking and dripping onto the floor, turning his office into a rainbow of color and burning a hole through his favorite rug.
A/N: Okay, so I haven't updated in a while. Truly, though, I had some problems with the chapter that I just COULD NOT SOLVE for a very long time. Then, yesterday, it just sort of CAME to me. So, there you have it. Chapter 20 is finished and I like it. Chapter 21 is finished and I like SOME of it. Chapter 22 is...not even started. It'll be the final chapter of this story and will need to set up for a sequel, so it's a bit challenging. I've sat down to start it 4 separate times now and it just will not come. Conclusions have always been the hardest thing for me to write. I'll get it eventually.
ANYWAY! Hope you have enjoyed this chapter. And yes, I know, cliffhanger. I don't plan on keeping you waiting NEARLY as long as I did last time, so at least you have that thought to comfort you. And for anyone who says that Harry wouldn't react this way after 7 months of relationship-building, I ask you to re-read books 5 and 6. Harry is quite the little hothead! He's a emotional mess right now and you KNOW how quick he is to jump to conclusions and play the blame game. He is quick to form emotional bonds, and just as quick to break them. But, justifications aside, let us all remember that this is fanFICTION and it's all in good fun.
I sincerely hope you loved the latest update and I look forward to giving you another very soon!