So I saw the Black Widow movie on Disney+ last night. Sobs* I really enjoyed it, and I miss Nat, omg. I would have liked some moments about Steve and Nat's relationship, 'cause that's what us Romanogers shippers do. So I wrote something. Also, a thought: whatifitwasStevewaitingforNatinhersafehouseinsteadofMasonkbye!
Someone with an unknown number sends her a text message with coordinates she recognizes. Shortly after, her phone vibrates with a call from the same number. It's not Ross because she just hung up with him after he embarrassed himself. Of course, he couldn't find her. Of course, she's always steps ahead. She should probably chuck her cell in the ocean, but what if it's one of her teammates? She hopes some of them will still talk to her after what she did. A knot drops in her stomach. Some of them must really be upset with her. She doesn't blame them, since she did switch her position at the last minute. Double agent, Tony had called her. It was what she was afterall, what the Red Room trained her to be.
She answers her phone. Just to see. She waits for them to speak first.
"Nat, it's me."
She closes her eyes in relief. Steve. He's okay. That means he and Bucky made it to Zimo. She had wondered what happened to them.
"It's good to hear from you," she says.
"I didn't get a chance to properly thank you for what you did."
She remembers the look on his face when he thought she was about to debilitate him with her stingers. To both of their surprise, she didn't. She went for T'Challa instead, so Steve and Bucky could escape. She doesn't regret it.
"You don't have to thank me, Steve."
"I really do, Nat. It's because of you that Bucky is safe now. I owe you." He pauses. "Are you okay?"
She doesn't say anything for a minute. She doesn't feel okay. Alone is how she feels.
"I will be. I just wish things had gone differently."
She wished they didn't get into a tift, wished they didn't throw punches at each other to prove who was right and who was wrong about the Sokovia Accords and Bucky.
"Me, too. Do you think we'll be the same?"
With Banner gone and the team completely split apart, it's hard to see the band getting back together again.
"If there was no hope for the Beatles, then there may not be any hope for us."
Steve was quite disheartened when he found out they broke up after he listened to their discography.
"I'm still not over that, by the way. I think they could've made it work." He pauses. "I like to think we could still make it work."
"I don't know, Steve."
"I'm too optimistic I suppose." He sighs. "Where are you?"
"You know I can't tell you that."
"I know, I know. It's just... It's selfish of me to ask for anything else after all you've done for me, but maybe when things cool off your way, you'd consider joining me. Help me get our friends out of prison." He pauses. "I need you, Nat."
Her breathing stops for a minute and her stomach fills with all kinds of fluttering. There's a thing in how he says it, a longing.
"You want me to come on the run with you, Captain? It almost sounds romantic."
"Yeah, that's what I'm asking, Nat. You've come to be one of my favorite people. I couldn't do this without you."
They've gotten closer, since taking down Hydra, defeating Ultron, and saving Sovokia. When Wanda, Sam, and Vision officially joined their team as new recruits, they worked together on how best to integrate them into the team. Often, they stayed up late with Chinese takeout, strategizing and assessing their new team's strengths and weaknesses. They talked a bit about their past and what they wanted for their future. Though there was always plenty of work, there were times for relaxing, too. They enjoyed singing off-key to musicals or attempting to bake without burning down the compound. Steve was definitely better at it than her. She misses his apple turnovers.
Sometimes, they may have crossed the line between friends in how they acted around each other. Steve brushed a bit of hair out her face and lightly touched her cheek when she took a nasty tumble in the field. When he helped her on or off the Quinjet, he gently squeezed her hip in the process. He'd gotten into a small habit of kissing her forehead or cheek when she had a hard day. Those rare double forehead kisses tore a piece of her every time. She was left wanting more when his lips lingered longer than expected.
She stood closer to him than necessary and ran her hand along his chest or arm way more than she should've. If they were going undercover at a fancy shindig, she fixed his tie for no other reason than to be near him. After she finished with it, she'd glance up to find him staring at her, his blue eyes shiny and thoughtful. Often, she wondered what he was thinking, but she never asked. Was she too shy or too scared? Honestly, too much of both. Of course, she flirted with him. Half the time, she was serious, and half the time, she did it just for kicks, just to see the look on his face.
"I'll think about it."
Yes. Her answer is yes. She thinks she'd follow him anywhere. He's a really good man, and she respects him. But maybe she shouldn't go with him. Maybe she's better off being by herself. The Avengers are split after all.
"You know where to find me."
She does, thanks to his coordinates. How he swung getting there, she doesn't know, considering all that's happened.
"I've got to go now. Don't get into any more trouble."
"Only if you promise to do the same."
"Trouble's my middle name, Rogers."
"Of course it is. Take care of yourself, Romanoff."
"You, too."
They say their goodbyes, and then she tosses her phone in the water.
How did you keep your heart? That's what Melina asked her. It was a good question. How did she do that? It was in part to Melina herself, in how she taught her to survive with both eyes open, survive with pain and trauma. Nat also thinks it's in part to Clint, who gave her a second chance when she didn't deserve it. She became an Avenger, a better person. There was darkness in the world, and she could be the one to help keep it at bay. It could be in part to Banner, though they didn't last. He was something of a kindred spirit. Both of them were ashamed of the things they'd done: her as a trained assassin and him as a raging green monster.
And there's Steve, who eventually learned to trust her with his life. He believed in her when she didn't believe in herself sometimes. She chose his side at the end of the day; she let him walk. Why? Because he wanted to protect his best friend, because he knew Bucky was worth saving when everyone around him didn't. It was admirable, really. It was brave.
Now, she wonders about her own bravery. Can she really take down the Red Room? Again? What kind of person would she be afterwards? How much heart would she have left?
Nastasha finds Steve in Wakanda. She didn't think T'Challa would let her into his kingdom, since she did double cross him. His suspicion and distrust is much deserved, but to her surprise, he welcomes her with open arms. He's flanked by two of the Dora Milaje guards as he gives her a tour around his palace. She walks through the guest quarters (which she'll be staying in for a few days), the ballrooms and dining rooms, the library, and the gardens. She even sees Shuri's lab, with permission from Shuri, of course. It's all so beautiful. They discuss the state of Wakanda, since his father died, and she apologizes for impairing him at the airport. He gracefully accepts her apology. The last place he takes her is the sparring room, where Steve is.
She watches him for a moment. He looks mostly the same, except he's got a shadow of a beard on his face. His blue eyes are intense as his fists pound the punching bag. She liked to watch him train at the facility. She's missed him these past few weeks. Alot.
"I'm under the impression he'll be delighted to see you, Ms. Romanoff." T'Challa's smiling at her. "Your name has crossed his lips more than a couple of times since his stay here. I suspect there is something more between you two besides friendship, yes?"
She doesn't answer his question because he's probably right.
"Thank you for the tour, T'Challa. It was lovely."
He grins. "You are quite welcome, Ms. Romanoff. I'll leave you two in privacy. He's been waiting for you."
She likes the sound of that and has to keep herself from blushing. Once he and his guards leave, she goes into the room.
"Hey, soldier."
Steve stops what he's doing and does a double take. He's got this huge smile on his face as he takes off his gloves and walks towards her. He doesn't say anything, just pulls her into a hug. He holds her close to him, buries his face in her neck. His sweat sticks to her skin, which she doesn't mind at all. He kisses her forehead a couple of times, and it makes her heart stutter.
"Blonde, huh?" He runs his fingers through her short hair.
She shrugs. "Needed a new disguise, a change even."
He takes her in. "You look good, Nat." He points at her vest. "Nice."
"It's Yelena's, my sister."
"Sister?"
"We'll have to catch up. How's Bucky? T-Challa mentioned he was here."
"He's asleep to make things simpler."
Apparently, Shuri's working on reprogramming Bucky's mind, so the trigger words won't affect him anymore. He could be his own person. She knows the freedom in that and is glad Bucky has the opportunity. Steve's glad he's getting help.
"You still miss him, don't you?"
"I know he's not dead, but it's like losing him all over again. I don't know how long that process will take."
She takes one of his hands. "You'll see him again, Steve. He just needs some time. He's been through a lot. "
He nods, takes her other hand. "I know. I plan on going to the Raft after this. I could really use some extra help."
"That's what I'm here for."
His hands are warm, and he stares at her like there's something he wants to say but can't. She doesn't know why she feels a bit disappointed.
"I'm really glad to see you, you know? I didn't know if you were going to show up."
"I would've been by your side one way or the other, Steve."
She feels his fingers play in her hair and then she feels them on her cheek. His other hand finds her hip to bring her closer to him. They are body-on-body. Her skin is prickly in the best way, and she wants him to kiss her. He's looking at her thoughtfully, like when she tied his tie for him.
"I know, Nat."
They breathe each other in for a minute. Steve has grown on her more than she cares to admit. Could they really be more than friends? Would he even want that? The way his eyes follow the shape of her lips tells her he would. A spark has found its way between them, but they hadn't talked about it. She wants to talk about it now, but she's too shy and too scared again. Why? Because he's Steve Rogers, Captain America, the definition of perfect. And she's anything but that. She can be distant and manipulative and all these other bad things that darken his brightness. But she's becoming better, becoming a woman who loves a little more, who laughs a little more, who's being more gentle with herself and others. She knows he sees that. He's told her he does. How long will it take her to fully see it in herself?
"I have to tell you something," he says.
"Yeah?"
Her heart stumbles in her chest.
"I really like you as more than just a friend. It took me a while to realize it, and I was too scared to say anything."
She's happy to know his feelings about her.
"Why?"
"Because I didn't think I was enough for you. I didn't think I could be the man you needed."
She's really surprised to hear him say such a thing.
"Steve." She puts her hands on his cheeks. "I thought I wasn't good enough for you. You're perfect in every way I'm not."
"I'm not holding your past against you. I see the woman you want to be, the woman you've been all along. You are abundant, more than I could ever want, Natasha."
She kisses him then and moans into his mouth as he grabs her ass in just the right way. He pushes his tongue into her mouth, and she wonders why they didn't do this sooner. It feels so wonderful.
"I really like you, too," she says. "And you're more than enough for me, Steve."
He smiles at her before he kisses her again.