When I got the call that shattered my perfect life into a thousand pieces, I had been with my parents and Lucan. My phone rang but I didn't immediately pick up since I was changing Lucan's diaper, but once I was done I managed to answer before the line cut and a sombre voice spoke on the other end. I wished I hadn't picked up, then I could have remained blissfully ignorant, however the truth was now in the open and when the hospital informed me that my fiancé, my Owen, had been killed in the line of duty, it broke my heart, and I hardly heard what else was said, but my mother immediately recognised something was wrong by my expression and so took Lucan out of my arms as he had started to fuss from where I had unwittingly gripped onto him too tightly.
I broke down into sobs, my dad being called in from the stables whereby he picked me up from the ground and held me in his arms like I were still a small girl, letting me sob into his flannel shirt until I was able to at least get my head straight. Lucan remained with my mom whilst dad took me to the hospital, holding my hand all the way before we then arrived and I rushed in. All the while I couldn't bring myself to believe the truth, because this was impossible. I had placed protective charms and spells on Owen to protect him from fire, smoke and just about anything that would threaten him whilst carrying out his job. I just couldn't understand it, refusing to believe that my Owen was gone until I saw him lying there on the bed, perfectly still and soulless. He was gone, and I knew then that not even my magic could bring him back because he was already at peace.
Once again I broke down into terrible sobs, collapsing to my knees beside him whilst my dad stood in solemn silence, allowing me to howl and grieve all I wanted as the doctor quietly informed him that Owen had died from excessive blood loss after debris from a burning building collapsed on him, severing the femoral artery. By the time they got him out and to the hospital, it was too late to do anything. He was gone. My Owen, the man I was going to marry, the father of my child, was dead. I grew angry with the world then, blaming everything else for taking my Owen away from me and my son just when we were at our happiest. It was unfair, and I wanted nothing more than to burn the world down around me but I knew Owen wouldn't want that, and I needed to be there for Lucan.
Since his soul had already moved on and Owen was just a normal human, no amount of magic would be able to bring him back, but still. I can try. My ancestors might know a way, or there's a magic somewhere else that I don't know about. A spell, a ritual, just something. If I can bring back Owen then Lucan won't grow up not knowing his father and I owed my little boy that much. So after crying all of my tears out of existence, I somehow managed to move through the paces like a ghost in order to complete all the necessary requirements to prepare Owen's funeral. The guys from the fire station all came to my house with gifts and condolences, sharing in my grief as they promised that if I or Lucan ever needed anything, they would all be on hand to help out since I was part of the family.
I was touched by their concern and promises, putting on a brave face even though I was breaking on the inside, and if it weren't for my parents helping me to take care of Lucan, I don't know how I would have coped with it all. Hayley came immediately after hearing the news with Hope, staying with me for several weeks in order to help get me back on my feet and was by my side at the funeral as I buried my Owen, promising him inwardly that I would try to bring him back. The next few months were…impossible. Each day felt like I walked around with iron chains draped around me, dragging me down further and further until I barely found the energy to simply breathe. Lucan was the only reason I kept going, because even if it were the end of the world there was no way I was going to let him down. He became my sole reason for living, his curling hair reminding me of his daddy as I stroked it whilst he fell asleep, telling him stories about his dad the superhero.
Following my promise to seek out a means to bring Owen back from the dead, I asked my ancestors and looked into any kind of rumours I could get my hands on, but everything came back as a dead end with my ancestors telling me that his spirit had already found peace in the afterlife which meant that he couldn't come back. His body was one with the earth and I needed to learn how to let go, but this news was difficult for me to accept. I refused for an entire year to give up until I gradually began to realise that my ancestors were right, and this search was completely hopeless. I did not know what to do. I hit a wall, one that I could not overcome, and I almost fell off the deep end.
Without Lucan and my parents, as well as Hayley, Hope, Mattie and Penny constantly being there to lift me back up again, I don't think I would have made it on my own. I had experienced grief before after losing my family to one fire, but to lose my Owen to another felt like a devastating blow that a vindictive universe had dealt. I hated it. I wanted to strike back somehow, to take out my anger and seek vengeance on the crappy hand I had been dealt but there was no one to blame. My Owen died saving a family, one who could have gone through the same loss I had as a child, but because of him that family was still together. He died making sure that they got out, holding the exit open so that each of them could get to safety before it had collapsed on him, and after I had moved through each stages of grief, I found a small semblance of peace and a great deal of pride in Owen's sacrifice. I still felt it unfair, and I carried the sorrow of loss in my heart everywhere with me, but after an entire year, it started to get easier to breathe again.
Each day I could do a little more, feel a little better and even began to smile again as Lucan turned one and I celebrated with a little party with my grandparents on the ranch, and then another with Hayley and Hope as well as Ansel, who had come to visit his granddaughter. I forced myself to keep on moving with my life, knowing that if I stopped then I would spiral once again, and I couldn't afford to do that. Lucan needed me now more than ever, and as I looked to the future of everything that was coming for us and the people I cared about, I opened myself to the hurt and pain in order to accept it all, the pain sharpening my focus before I was suddenly overcome with a sense of clarity which allowed me to see what needed to be done. Three years had passed now since Nik and the others had been put under, and now there were things that I needed to do in order to save the people I cared about.