My premonitions continued to trouble me and I took great care to hide my worries from Sasuke, but since he very rarely spoke to me, I was uncertain whether or not he even noticed. One day whilst I was observing his training, I found myself wondering if perhaps Sasuke was actually keeping things to himself because he did not want to worry me. Despite our continued quietness, I observed that he was rather attentive and he had always been clever. Several times when I would wake up during the night having stayed up waiting for him to return home from a mission I had found a blanket had been placed around my shoulders.
When I would then get up and check Sasuke's room, he would be fast asleep inside. He always helped with the general maintenance of the house, always handed over all of his earnings from his missions to me, never left an untidy mess and sometimes would accompany me to the shopping district whenever it was necessary to replenish our supplies, whereby he would insist on carrying the bags. Perhaps it was his own way of showing that he also cared, but when it suddenly struck me that it was possible that Sasuke also struggled to showcase his emotions, I felt like I had finally reached a logical conclusion. Looking at him as he sat across from me, reading a book on ninjutsu, I put down my knitting in order to focus on my thoughts.
The lack of the steady clatter of my needles lifted Sasuke's head, noticing the absent sound and saw that I had stopped knitting the scarf I was making for him ready for winter, though it was still summer. "Is everything alright?"
"Hm." I hummed, reassuring him. Wait, perhaps this is a good opportunity to talk properly with Sasuke and ask him what he is feeling. "Sasuke." Lifting his head once more, Sasuke arched an eyebrow questioningly. "How do you feel?"
"What do you mean? I feel fine." Fine? That was a very vague answer and I cannot draw any further information from it. Did I phrase the question incorrectly? What do I even want to say to Sasuke?
"You are quiet."
"I'm studying."
"We rarely speak."
"I'm busy a lot." Well, this was getting me nowhere. Think now, Miyuki. Sasuke, according to Kakashi's information, is going through a delicate stage of development and will be experiencing changes to his body which may be strange or uncomfortable to him. In addition it is not unusual for young children to undergo a shift in personality in the early stages of adolescence, becoming broody, temperamental, possibly aggressive and reclusive. I hoped that this was just a phase that he will grow out of, for it is not healthy to ostracise oneself from others.
Wait. Is that not what I do? Inwardly I groaned, feeling like an utter failure. Parenthood must have been extremely difficult for both my real parents as well as Fugaka and Mikoto. Raising a child was hard, especially when there is no prior experience to draw from and very little information to learn except the basic necessities, such as how to bathe them, feed them and such. Trying one more time, I opened and closed my mouth, beginning to formulate sounds but cutting myself off as I changed my mind almost instantly.
"I…wish we spoke more often." Finally I managed to settle on something simple, speaking my mind as plainly as I could before I then looked down and picked up my knitting once more, the dark blue material lying in a soft pool on my lap. Knowing what awaited Sasuke in his future made me nervous and anxious for him, and I knew very well that soon he would be entering the Chunin exams with his team, and during the second round he would be attacked by one of the three legendary Sanin, Orochimaru.
Part of me wished that I could prevent such a thing from happening, but I had seen far into the future and witnessed great atrocities and a war so terrible it would force the five major Hidden Villages to unite against it. I saw everything and although I wanted to interfere, I knew that uniting us in the future was necessary to prevent further war and finally solidify friendships and bonds. In order to do that, both Sasuke and Naruto were required to follow the path underneath their feet, and eventually Sasuke would leave the Hidden Leaf Village in order to seek power and strength.
All he ever wanted was to defeat Itachi and kill him in vengeance for the death of our clan. I also wanted to protect Itachi, for I knew him to be innocent in all of this, but I could do nothing. I was frightened to try and tamper with the future should I accidentally destroy everything, and there still many things I did not know or could not understand. Having witnessed thousands of possibilities and lived through decades of lifetimes in just a handful of moments, I felt as if my head would burst from all the information I carried. I have lived lifetime upon lifetime, and now I was begging to believe that there was no point to it at all. All I could do was protect both Itachi and Sasuke as best as I could, and although I knew that our lives were going to end in tragedy, I was prepared for that eventual outcome as I had made my peace with it. Hopefully it will lead to a better life for my brothers whom I loved so dearly, it would make all these lifetimes worth living if I could secure their happiness.
Events will soon begin to unfold, so I should seek to enjoy the time I had left with Sasuke and not allow my cowardice to keep me from doing or say what I felt. It was a pleasant day outside and I was tired of staying inside, so I stood up and set aside my knitting. "Come with me Sasuke. We are going for a walk." Informing him bluntly of my intentions, I gave him no room to argue or protest the matter and simply walked out the door, leaving it open for him to follow. He did not protest and indeed followed after me, so I relaxed under the sunshine as I walked with Sasuke by my side.
"You're acting weird today Miyuki." He noted blandly, hands in his pockets with his nose tucked into his high necked collar. Before long we were out in the forest following one of the trails which led us through some rather pretty views. It was serene and peaceful, allowing me to fully relax and lower my guard since I knew that there was no one else around us to cause a disturbance. "What's this all about then? You dragged me all the way out here, there must be something on your mind." Sasuke finally broke the silence, which was unusual for him.
"Nothing is wrong."
"Then why all the weirdness?"
"I am not weird." Sasuke arched his eyebrow at me, inferring that I was in fact a very strange woman by a normal person's point of view. How do I explain this to him? Quite simply, I just wanted to take a walk with him, but I had already told him that when we left the house so I could not understand his confusion. What more was there to explain? "I wanted a walk."
"And you had to drag me along with you?"
"I wanted to walk. With you." Clarifying further, Sasuke blinked then looked away, making that expression he always made when he was embarrassed or irritated about something. I was sad that Sasuke was not enjoying himself as much as I was, but I was still glad that we had gone out. "If you are unhappy here, we will go back." Coming to a stop I made to turn around so that we could return home, however when I felt smaller fingers catch hold of my own, I froze in place when I realised that Sasuke was holding my hand.
"It's fine. I don't mind it so much." Almost sparkling with joy inwardly, I turned my body back towards him and did not pull away, wanting to hold his hand a little longer. "You coming or what?" Pulling his hand free Sasuke continued down the designated path, pushing his hands into his pockets once more so with a blink, I trailed after him. Staring down at his hand thoughtfully, I wondered if he would allow me to walk hand in hand with him, but then I thought back to the last time I had attempted to do so and how he had disliked the sentiment.
Deciding to be brave, I stretched out my arm and placed it around his shoulders, drawing him closer to me so that we were not so far apart then continued walking in that manner. Sasuke looked at me with a frown, possibly still confused about all of my uncharacteristic actions but made no comment, allowing me to walk with my hand upon his shoulder. No matter what, I will protect Sasuke, and I will find a way to save Itachi. Both of you must place your trust in me, for I will fight to fix everything. You have my absolutely solemn vow.