The Best of Me

Chapter 14: Out of Control

Previously:

He studied his bloodied schoolmates. His eyes filled with guilt when he saw the concerned faces of his two friends. He sighed and clenched his eyes when he heard the headmaster say, "To my office, Mr. Lupin."

Remus was tapping his foot, he was nervous alright. The headmaster wasn't here yet despite professor McGonagall had told him that he'll be here soon. He was alone in the office, now waiting for his doom. Earlier, the Transfiguration teacher decided to chat with her.

It went like this, he recalled:

He doesn't like it... The stare that professor McGonagall was giving to him. He was already dreading his doom and the disappointed stare that the professor was sending to him wasn't helping in calming down his nerves.

A sigh came out of the old witch, who tries to rub the now forming crease on her forehead. "Never have I ever been disappointed at you, Mr. Lupin." She begun and said boy's shoulders slumped down. Even the wolf side of him felt guilty which was kinda new, but he didn't notice it because he was too busy sulking.

"Remus, be honest with me." She begun, bending down to grab the auburn haired boy's shoulder. "What did you feel when you saw your friends hurt and when you were beating up both Mr. Rowler and Mr. Gertu?" She asked and Remus wants to snarled at the old woman for asking that kind of question. Was she trying to anger him more?!

Taking a huge gulp of breath, he tried to calm himself down. "They were attacking my pack." He growled, feeling the wolf in him howl in anger too. Looks like he and the wolf are on the same page again, "Part of me wants to hurt, kill or tear them apart while the other parts of me tried to stop my anger, but I couldn't hold it anymore and all I saw is red." He snapped and the woman in front of him calmly stared at him.

The old witch nodded, "I see, you did a good job in controlling yourself." She begun, "It's not your fault that you lost your temper and since the full moon I'd near, it only got worse." She sighed and patted his shoulder, "However, it is not I who will decide what to do with you. But for standing up for each other. You and your friends will received 8 points each for standing up and defending each other, but I'll also take 30 points away from your house too." She stated and Remus just looked away, "You are way too brutal, but don't worry I have already taken points away from Slytherin because of their actions. Mr. Rowler and Mr. Gertu would each get 50 points taken away from them."

Hearing that, Remus perked up slightly and a small smirk came up to his lips. Professor McGonagall just nodded at him, "I'll be leaving now. I still have class, don't worry. Professor Dumbledore will be here shortly, Mr. Lupin." She said, giving him one last node before walking away.

Remus was pulled away from memory lane when a familiar scent appeared in the room. Now in front of him and was now sitting in his table was the headmaster Professor Dumbledore.

He looked away... This is it, the man who made him go to this school will now be expelling him because of him being out of control. The old wizard might even report that he's a werewolf and need to be put down, for attacking someone.

Although, in the back of his mind, he was satisfied that he finally had beaten up those two jerks.

They did deserve it, really.

Glancing up, he dared took a peek at the Headmaster who has also been quiet for the whole minute. The headmaster then grabbed a piece of candy in his bowl of treats and his jaw dropped when the headmaster gave him that piece of candy, "Here." He said and the young werewolf hesitantly took it, but nonetheless he still grabbed it from the old man's hand.

Tearing the packet open, he popped the candy in his mouth and slowly chewed it. His eyes glanced up at the Headmaster who was also eating a piece of candy. Speak professor! The tension is really killing him right now.

"Mr. Lupin," He begun and Remus almost thank god, but curse himself at the old man's next word. "How are you feeling right now?" He asked and all thoughts ceased from his head at the old man's question.

How was he feeling right now? Emotionally drained, exhausted, nervous, angry and out of control? Yeah, those are what he is feeling right now. However, his mind went blank and his mind recalled the faces of his two best friends.

They had saw him... Dread filled him when he realized that. He had shown his true form to them! He starts to hyperventilate and the wolf in him starts to howl. They are gonna leave him too! They already thought of him as a monster. His friends might hate him right now–

"Mr. Lupin." At the headmaster's voice that was calling out to him, the young werewolf glanced up to meet the old man's symphatetic eyes. 'Don't give me that look' He growled in his head and the wolf also agreed with him.

They don't need their pity.

The headmaster suddenly placed a hand on Remus' shoulders and the young boy glanced up to see a smile on the old man's face. Why was he smiling like that? He let out a small growl, but he and the wolf froze at the headmaster's next words. "Ms. Tonks and Mr. Weasley came to me earlier." He said and this got the young boy's attention, as he turned towards the Headmaster who continued. "They were telling me that it wasn't your fault that you lost your cool. Also, they demanded me to ask if you're okay." He smiled and Remus' jaw dropped.

The wolf in him was now in piece at the info, but he on the other hand was still restless. "Ho-how a-ar-re they?" He stuttered nervously and the old man in front of him smiled.

"They are okay. Mr. Weasley has his arm broken while Ms. Tonks hurt her head. Don't worry Madam Pomfrey had already fixed them." He reassured the young werewolf who let out a sigh of relief, "Although, on the other hand... Both Mr. Rowler and Mr. Gertu's injury were really much." When Remus heard that, part of him was satisfied while the other part of him was guilty.

That's when it dawned on him... He could have killed them. And if he did that, he's much worse than a monster.

Letting out a shaky breath, his head drop. Now, realizing how his bloodlust consumed his mind and how he was out of his mind when he felt satisfaction at almost killing two kids!

He already knew the concept of kill or to be killed when he was with his old pack. He killed to survive, there were times that he had let himself be consume to his rage and bloodlust. That was a terrible feeling to him that he doesn't want to feel again. He was horrified that he felt satisfaction in killing and to see this happening again!

He was scared, really scared... He was now out of control.

His head dropped more, "I'm sorry." He whispered, as the guilt flood him. "I'm really sorry..." He begins to tear up, "I don't know what came over me." He sobbed, as he tried to wipe the tears from his eyes. "I'm sorry, sorry, sor–"

Tears kept coming and he didn't know how long he had cried and when he was done. The professor gave him a handkerchief which the young boy was greatful for. While wiping his tears, the professor thought it was the right time to speak up. "Anger is really a dangerous emotion." He sighed and Remus quirked an eyebrow. 'Ya' think.' He thought, but he was too drained to even speak up.

"Remus, professor McGonagall told me the emotions you felt during the event earlier." He said and the young boy flinched when he heard that, "I may not understand what you were feeling during that time. But, I understand what it feels like to see the people you care about getting hurt." He said and something starts to form in Remus' head.

The young werewolf then remembered his conversation with Tonks during their first year. His green forest eyes then glanced up to stare at the headmaster. Before he knew it, he starts to speak.

"Seeing them hurt really made me mad..." He trailed off; then, let out a quiet sigh. "I remembered my old pack, my parents and my brother." He continued, "I remembered how they got hurt and killed." He choked on his words when he said this, but he still continued. "Seeing my friends hurt must have triggered something and all I can think about is killing their attacker." He confessed and both his shoulders dropped, "The people that I really care about had already left me. That's why when I saw them hurt, I think my mind registered that they were going to die and leave me too. That's why anger filled me and I couldn't stop it, so I gave in and went out of control." When he was done, Remus felt something was lifted off from his chest, but the guilt and disappointment was still there.

"I'm really sorry." He said one more time with a sad sigh.

The headmaster in front of him let out a hum, "You don't have to say sorry for something you can't control yet." He said, as he popped in another candy into his mouth. "The one who should be sorry are Mr. Rowler and Mr. Gertu. For breaking the school rules and hurting students, they had that coming. That's why they'll be suspended for two weeks." He said and unlike earlier when Remus heard the two Slytherins' punishment his mood lifted up, but now all he feel was immense guilt.

That's when he decided to ask something, "Professor does Tonks and Bill thought of me as a monster now?" He asked and the professor quirked an eyebrow at that.

"Oh why would you think that?" Professor Dumbledore questioned and once again the young boy let out a sigh, as he looked away. "Well professor..." He begun, and his right foot starts to tap the floor. "They saw me, they might think that I look like a serial killer or a monster when they saw me almost kill those two gits." He nervously said and his head dropped at the next words that came out from his own mouth, "I think they're scared of me now..." He trailed off and the headmaster only smile.

"The only way to find out is to ask them." The headmaster said and at that idea, nervousness stabbed both his heart and stomach. Remus was afraid to do that; however, it looks like the old man wasn't finished talking yet. "They are your friends' Remus, and it should be you who should confront them." said the professor, making the young werewolf thinking that maybe he should run to hills.

Yeah, that would be a better idea.

However, the headmaster's next words made him look up. "They were worried about you Remus," He said and the young boy felt warm inside at hearing that. "Like I said before they were asking me if you were okay. See, Mr. Lupin in my point of view they really care for you, so that's why it is you who should confront them to confirm whether not your thoughts are true or not." He finished and the young werewolf was silent for a moment.

Remus was gathering all his thoughts and finally he nodded at the professor. The old man was right, it should be him...the one to confront them. They were his friends and they were worried about him; he doesn't want his friends to worry about him. They were his dearest people and it would ease his mind if he check them.

Also, it might put his mind into piece if he confront them. Whether or not they are afraid of him. Plus, those two blockheads won't worry about him anymore.

Remus let out a sigh and shook his head. Those two were the one injured here and yet they still worried about him...

They really are remarkable.

The young boy look up and nodded once again to the old man, "You're right professor." He said, slightly feeling better now. "I should be the one to confront them."

The old wizard smiled at him, "Well, how about we excuse you from class for the mean time." He said and offered the young boy another candy. "You have calm down and now collected all your thoughts." He told him, "But for now, the right thing you should do first is rest."

When Remus heard that, he nodded agreeing with the old wizard. Yes, he has already gathered all his thoughts. But this emotional race had drained him and he's really tired now. Plus, he doesn't have the courage yet to quickly confront them. Yes, he already agreed that he will confront his friends, but not right now.

The old wizard smiled down at him, "I'll tell them that you're okay." He said and Remus nodded, feeling sleepy right now. The headmaster had noticed his tiredness because his smile dropped and a caring look appeared on his face. Suddenly, a cot appeared at the other side of the room and before Remus could registered anything. He found himself laying down on the cot. His head finds itself on top of a soft pillow and his body covered with a blanket.

Before Remus could say anything, his vision starts to go black. However, he still heard Dumbledore's voice despite his tired self, "Now sleep, Remus." He said and a hand was suddenly on his still half opened eyes. The old wizard gently closed them before removing his hand.

Not fighting his tiredness anymore, the young boy finally let himself go. Slowly, he heard his breathing growing much calmer and relax. Letting out an exhale, his mind starts to go blank and all his thoughts went quiet. His body became weightless, his mind was calm and his breathing was serene.

And, finally he was asleep. All his senses were now off, as he peacefully slept.

To Be Continued...