Chapter Five: Promise

Eren sat upright in the hospital bed staring at the four faces of Armin, Gabi, Falco and Captain Levi as the doctor and nurse poked and prodded at various limbs. They checked his pulse, his reflexes, his nose and throat. As they did their tests, he was unable to break eye contact with his . . . what were they to him now? Were they friends? Acquaintances? Accomplices? Armin's face looked full of hope, a look Eren was all too familiar with. Gabi's eyes were wide with what seemed to be shock. Falco stared with brave indifference. And Levi, well he looked as he always did. Levi's eyes never left Eren's as he looked with cold contempt, but there was something else hiding in his expression. Briefly, Eren noticed his former Captain's bandaged arm, eye, and leg. How much of this, Eren wondered, was he to blame for? All of it, the voice in his head reminded him. He had only been conscious for mere minutes, but already he was being reminded of everything that had transpired. He wasn't supposed to be alive. He didn't deserve to be alive.

Content with their examinations, the doctor and nurse moved away toward Armin. Eren couldn't hear the discussion they were having, but noticed Armin hand a note to the doctor, who nodded curtly and left the room. In an instant, Armin's face changed completely as he made his way to Eren's bedside. Anger seeped from the glare he now bestowed on his friend and before Eren could comprehend what was happening, Armin's fist connected with Eren's cheek.

Reeling from the surprise attack, Eren could hear Gabi and Falco gasp from the doorway. With a hand against his soring cheek, he watched Armin turn on his heel and walk out of the room, leaving a puzzled look on his own face. He briefly caught Levi staring at the scene unfold with a raised eyebrow, though Eren expected the older man to at least give a smirk at the sucker punch.

Armin returned rather quickly, something Eren couldn't identify in his hands. The blonde stopped at the others gathered in the doorway and said something to them Eren couldn't really hear. He then saw Gabi, Falco, and Levi all turn and leave. "Punch him again for me," he heard Levi call from the hallway. Armin returned to Eren's bedside. With an outstretched arm, he handed Eren an icepack. Eren's face must have given away his confusion as Armin shrugged.

"Do you feel better?" Eren rasped the first words he'd spoken in an unknown length of time. He placed the cool icepack against his cheek and noticed the familiar prickle of stubble growing on his jaw. How long had he been unconscious?

Armin laughed, genuinely, and shook his head. "Not really, but I thought it might help." He pulled up a chair to sit next to Eren's bed, on the nurse had moved out of the way when Eren had woken up. Armin's face returned to a measured expression, one Eren had seen time and again on his friend. Eren could practically see the gears turning, the words yet unspoken that Armin was struggling to find. Silence stretched endlessly between the two, though Armin looked as if he were ready to speak at any moment, his eyes desperately searching Eren's face for the go-ahead.

Eren simply watched his friend struggle as his cheek began to numb from the cold. "Where are-"

"We all watched you die, Eren," Armin finally blurted out, interrupting. A light blush crept on his cheeks and he diverted his eyes quickly. His fists were firmly clenched in his lap. For as much as he'd grown in the two weeks since humanity's final battle, in this moment he was really showing his youth. Tears pricked the edges of his eyes. "We elected to kill you. To save everyone else. We watched Mikasa…" he couldn't finish the thought.

The mention of Mikasa made Eren's eyes grow wide. Someone who'd always been at Eren's side through his countless injuries; he'd always woken to Mikasa relived sighs. Absentmindedly, he dropped the icepack from his face and lightly touched the back of his neck. He remembered. He remembered the feeling of cold steel cutting through flesh and bone. Still wide-eyed, he watched Armin hold back tears. "Where is Mikasa?" he managed to get out barely at a whisper.

The innocent question allowed Armin to blink back all the tears he was feeling coming on. The desperation in Eren's voice was something he hadn't heard from him since they were kids. He cleared his throat and suddenly sat up straighter, more composed. "She went back to Paradis to bury you," he said plainly. He reached into his breast pocket and pulled out a letter. "This came a few days ago." He handed the letter over to Eren, who accepted it cautiously.

Eren looked over Mikasa's words quietly. Her handwriting was as impeccable as always. A tightness grew in his chest as he read her decision to stay in Paradis. When he finished reading, he handed the letter back to Armin. "I have to go back then," he said quietly, clenching his fists in his lap. His eyes started to water. He looked back up and his green eyes burned with passion. "I have to show her I'm still alive!" he exclaimed rather loudly. "I have to tell her… to tell her…" he started to grow calmer, "everything I didn't tell her before." Eren started to get up from the bed.

Though he was moved by Eren's words, Armin shook his head. "You can't go back yet."

Defeated, Eren slumped back into the bed.

Armin stood with a sigh and moved to the window of the room. "Eren, do you remember what you said to me in the Paths?" he asked, staring outside. Eren opened his mouth to respond, but Armin continued. "You told me I was free." He smiled to himself, remembering the exchange the pair had. "At the time I was so angry and saddened by what had happened I didn't really think about that freedom.

"We gave our childhood and adolescence to surviving, training, killing titans, and finally, war. While we can't get our childhoods back, we effectively no longer need to concern ourselves with titans or war." He finally turned to face the darker-haired man, still smiling. Eren's eyes stared back at Armin filled with wonderment at his friend's pontificating.

"You gave us a chance to live our lives." Armin blushed slightly. "You gave me a chance to pursue anything I'd like, start a family if I want." He turned away again toward the window, embarrassed by his speech. "I don't understand how you're here, alive I mean," he said quietly. "But it seems like you've been given another chance at this same freedom you gave all of us, and I'm not going to let anyone take that away from you."

The promise brought tears to Eren's eyes. For all that he had done, here was his childhood friend, still by his side, ready to fight for him if needed.

"But," Armin started moving away from the window and back toward Eren, "In order to do that, I've had to make some other vows."

Eren looked at his friend quizzically. "Armin, what do you mean?"

Armin sighed. "I know you tried to ask me before, but we're in what remains of civilization outside Paradis. The public doesn't know about you, or rather, your being alive, but high-ranking officials that managed to survive and are helping with the rebuilding efforts are fully aware." Armin stared at the floor, unable to look his friend in the eye suddenly. "In order to keep you from rotting in a jail cell or worse, I've promised them that I would be taking full responsibility for you."

With wide eyes Eren finally understood the scene he'd witnessed between the doctor and Armin shortly after he'd woken up. "Armin, you don't have to-"

Armin looked up finally and put a hand up to try to silence Eren. "I know you think you don't deserve this or something, that you're going to be a burden to me, but it's the most logical solution currently. Until I can convince them that you're no longer a threat anyway." He started making his way to the exit. "I'll return shortly to move you to my apartment. In the meantime," he pointed at a second door Eren hadn't noticed until now, "there are some facilities if you'd like to clean yourself up." Armin forced himself to give Eren a smile. "Consider this my thank you, for the freedom."

Eren started lifting himself from the bed. The weight of this new information made his head spin. He still wasn't sure how he managed to even be alive at this point. An ache in his chest developed as he heard Armin say his goodbyes and leave. He didn't want to be alone, suddenly.

With shaky steps, Eren managed to make his way to the adjoining bathroom. He first turned on the faucet to the sink. The mirror above allowed him to finally see his own appearance. He ran a hand through his long dark hair. When had his hair gotten this long? He leaned over to splash some water on his face, and rubbed it with both hands, and straightened to return to his reflection. He rubbed his cheek where Armin had delivered a surprise blow. It didn't look swollen or cut. Thanks for the ice, he smirked to himself. The same hand that examined the attack site rubbed the stubble on his jaw again. He wondered when he'd be able to shave. Would Armin force him to do some mental health evaluation before allowing him to use a razor? Does this last bastion of civilization have someone who can perform such a test?

Eren sighed and turned the faucet off. Guilt was gnawing away at him.

He wished, just briefly, that he'd never woken up.