*Author Note: I do not own any characters from Naruto! I just enjoy writing.
**Warning: This story has mature themes and content that can be graphic.
Sakura shot up, holding her knife out into the dark. Her eyes frantically scoped the room, waiting. There. It was the same noise she had heard for the past week. At first, she thought it was just her paranoia, but it was there. There was no denying it. She heard it! The floorboards that surrounded her bed purposefully were adjusted in a way, no matter what direction, she would hear anyone 10 feet in proximity to her bed. She was certain she had heard the creak. She knew she heard it.
She kept her back to the headboard, waiting for movement. When nothing happened, Sakura reached for the lamp on her nightstand. Her slender arm slowly crept towards the switch. Her eyes faced forward, searching aimlessly into the black void of her room. The rhythmic thumping of her heart was ringing in her ears. She continued to stretch to the right of her bed, all the while her heart felt like it was about to pound out of her chest. It's steady thumping deafening in the silence. Her hand hit the wall. It took all of her composure to not begin to start frantically searching for the switch. Time felt nonexistent as she fumbled aimlessly in the dark. The knife in her hand was shaking. She struggled to steady the cool metal in her sweaty palm, as her breathing became labored. Ivory fingers grasped in desperation onto the cool metal of the switch. With one flick, the room flooded with light.
She half expected to see a figure standing there, but there was nothing. Just her in her empty apartment. It would have almost been a relief if there was someone. All of her irrational thoughts and behaviors could be validated; Anything was better than this. She fell back against the headboard and let out a deep shaky exhale. She found herself pinching the bridge of her nose in a firm hold. Sakura felt like she was losing her mind. For the past month she had this sense someone was watching her and now she felt like someone was in her home. Her hands ran over her eyes, as if to rub away what had just happened.
Reluctantly, she stood up and began her routine. Sakura checked the windows, the doors, anything that could be an entrance. Once she tested every lock twice, she checked closets, possible hiding places, and her locked office. Nothing. Just her doing a sweep during the middle of the night, like she had every night for the past month.
She made her way back to the master bedroom and walked into her bathroom. The faucet spurted out and she began pulling the cool liquid over her face. Was she going crazy? It was hard to rationalize what was causing her to have these night terrors. The past month had been hectic at the hospital, but was it bad enough for her to be experiencing this? Maybe she wasn't resting well. That's what she wanted to tell herself, but something felt off. She knew what it could be, but that meant she would have to be honest with herself.
Her hands traced the lining under the sink. There was a hollow spot only she knew that kept something that she shouldn't have. She peeled off the secured fixture and retrieved the tiny circular container she had hidden. Inside were military rations she had been taking from the hospital pyxis. These were special though. They were keeping Sakura going. It helped her stay in a constant state of go. She picked one pill up with her thumb and index finger, and swallowed it without a second thought.
She braced herself against the counter. These nightly terrors were taking a toll on her. She knew it was a bad idea to start taking the military rations, but she only started because she couldn't take being home at night. She met her own reflection. Her normally bright seafoam eyes looked dull. She wasn't sure if that was a new thing though. Since the war, her experiences had left an impression on her that she couldn't let go of. She looked tired. From the bags under her eyes to the sunken look of her cheeks, she looked like she had been through hell and back. After a few moments of debating, she knew there was no way she could go back to bed. She was up. By now the pill was kicking in and she could feel her energy increasing. Good. The sooner she felt like it, the faster she could leave her home. She might as well use this as an encouragement to go back to work. She threw on a jumper and headed towards the hospital.
When she arrived, the hospital was in chaos. Apparently, some guards were attacked during the night. Sakura threw on a coat and began to do what she could. Two shinobi had been DOA, while the remaining shinobi was in critical condition. He had fractures in both his arms, along with a broken orbital bone. It was obvious there had been some damage to the brain.
Sakura was preparing to jump into the chaos when a nurse came to the nurse's station. "Haruno-san, I have been requested to come and retrieve you." This confused Sakura. Was there another assignment that was more time-sensitive that required her attention? Both the women walked through the long white hallways, dodging frantic personal running around the ED. It wasn't until they were making their way into a distinct area of the hospital that Sakura started to realize that something was not right. They were on their way to the director of the hospital's office.
A knot began to form in her stomach. She tried her best to avoid crossing paths with her old mentor. It was hard to put it into words. Not that she would understand. She wasn't there when it happened. Even if she was, Shizune would always find an excuse for her and dismiss what she did. Sakura's knuckles turned white from how hard she was clenching her fists. Just thinking about it made Sakura angry.
The nurse opened the door, Sakura thanked her as she walked in.
"Chiza, shut the door behind you please." Shizune never took her eyes off the paperwork in front of her as she spoke. Even in the tiny office, Sakura could feel the distance between them.
Someone who used to be very close to her, was now a stranger.
"what can I help with?" Sakura said, unable to hide the disdain that she was containing inside.
Shizune took a manilla folder and plopped it on the edge, closest to Sakura. Sakura gave it a questioning look.
"Is this a specific assignment?" Sakura asked.
Shizune sat back in her chair, making eye contact with Sakura for the first time.
"Not quite." Her cold words made the knot in Sakura's stomach tighten.
Sakura closed the distance, grabbing the folder. As she picked it up to begin reading it.
"What happened last night on your shift Sakura?"
Her attention shifted to Shizune. "I don't understand."
Shizune's eyes turned into slits. "Is it true you fainted last night?"
Sakura scoffed at the comment. "I had 9 patients last night,4 who were in critical care."
"Did you?" Shizune demanded. It wasn't often that Sakura saw her like this. The times she had before, she knew it was because it was serious.
"No. I was exhausted. At one point I had to sit down, but I did not faint."
Shizune let out a long exhale in response. Something deeper was going on but she didn't know what. The only thing that she knew was that she didn't like it.
"That file in your had are 4 anonymous reports on your demeanor in the ED, it has come to my attention that there is a concern that you are a liability."
"A liability!?" Sakura shouted. She was unable to contain her anger any longer.
"Of all the people in this hospital, I am the least concern for mistakes." All Sakura could focus on was her anger. How dare they do this to her. She wanted to know who it was. Sakura exhaled loudly through her nose.
"I want to know who complained." Her words were seething.
"I can't do that Sakura. It's confidential."
"That's bullshit!" Sakura screeched. Shizune knew it was bullshit too. Of all the crap the goes on, this is the main focus. Sakura clenched her jaw. Her anger began pouring out of her as she struggled to maintain composure.
"Sakura, I'm going to ask a question and I want you to answer honestly."
The anger that was once blazing in Shizune's eyes had softened. Her old mentor now looked concerned. Sakura nodded her head in response.
Shizune looked away then back, struggling to make the words come out. "Sakura." Her tone was low.
"If I asked you to take a drug test, would you test positive? Specifically for the modified military rations?"
Fuck.
Sakura felt like her heart sank down into her stomach. It felt as if she just had the wind knocked out of her. Shizune knew.
Shizune shook her head. Disappointment immediately washed over her "Sakura."
"Where did you get them. Have you been taking them from the hospital?"
Sakura's silence said it all.
"God damnit Sakura!" Shizune in a fit of anger slung the files off of her desk.
"Shizune let me explain." Sakura caught shizune's gaze and could feel the fire within them.
"How long Sakura? "her mentor demanded.
Sakura sat in silence, unable to find the right words, to make her understand.
"You know you could lose your position, right? Not to mention these pills can kill you! They aren't the old military rations. These are highly concentrated and not meant for long-term use! Why Sakura, Why?"
Sakura stayed silent. She fucked up. She knew the risk, but she did it anyway.
"Answer me Sakura? Shizune screamed
She took a moment. Deciding what to say.
"Sakura, I'm really concerned" Shizune's voice was softer than it had been but still held anger.
"I haven't been sleeping well ." Sakura looked down at her hands. It was beginning to hit her that her negligence could have killed someone. She could feel a lump begin to form in her throat as her emotions threatened to surface.
There was a long silence before Shizune spoke again.
"As your superior, I am putting you on a temporary leave."
Sakura was stunned. "You're suspending me?" She asked in disbelief.
"Did I say you were suspended?" Shizune's words were cold. It made Sakura hold her tongue.
Sakura took a moment before responding "What about my patients?"
"Sakura, how can you take care of your patients like this!? You could kill someone or yourself "
Sakura flinched at her mentor's words. She knew how right she was.
"It's because of me you aren't suspended. People get fired for a lot less, and you fucked up pretty bad. You should be fired."
Her words felt like fire against Sakura's skin. She could feel the shame and disappointment. It was a familiar feeling she didn't like. Sakura kept her head down unable to look at her old mentor now.
"You aren't off the hook Sakura."
"First thing I want is for you to get rid of those rations. Second, the condition I have is that you attend the detox center in Suna."
"Suna?"
"Do you want to detox here then?" This made Sakura bite her tongue. Sakura didn't say anything. She wanted to just disappear into the floor. Unfortunately, her hair wasn't long enough to hide her face, it was the one time she missed her long hair. She felt so much guilt and embarrassment. She couldn't bring herself to face shizune
"This arrangement will be between us. I will need you to go to the Hokage tower and tell Naruto that you will be taking the assignment that the Kazakage has requested for a while now."
Sakura nodded her head, hoping this meeting would be over any minute now.
"The kazekage has been requesting assistance in training their medical ninjas. I think this would be an opportunity for you to get out of the leaf village. It will be confidential that you are detoxing, but believe me when I say I will be keeping tabs on you Sakura."
"I understand." It was almost a whisper, but Sakura was trying her best not to get emotional. Shizune was right. She fucked up -pretty bad. It had been a long time since she had felt this inferior. Useless. She felt like the same little girl who couldn't keep up with her two teammates.
"Sakura. Is this about what happened with Lady Tsunade ?"
"No!" Sakura immediately interrupted. Shizune was unsettled by the look in Sakura's eyes. She knew that look and it was one she never thought would come from Sakura. Hate. Pure hate.
Sakura made her way to the door, cracking the frame as she exited before Shizune could respond.
Upon arrival, Naruto was surrounded by stacks of paper that needed his attention. Sakura had made sure she took the long way to the Hokage tower to ensure her face wasn't still puffy from crying.
"OH no, sakura I was almost finished, and you come bring me more crap!" If Sakura hadn't known Naruto all her life, she would have assumed he was being serious. She made her way to his desk which along with the various files had ramen cups taking up the empty spaces of the wood. The documents remained in her hands as she contemplated where to drop them. Naruto let out a sigh. His body slunk down in his chair and he motioned for Sakura to take a seat. Sakura began to get uncomfortable. Did he know why she was there?
"Damn, not to be mean Sakura-chan, but you look worse than I do- and I always look like shit lately."
Younger Sakura would have been offended at the comment. Even though she was just a child, she always kept the feeling of shame by how she responded to Naruto. After the 4th-great ninja war, she changed- everyone did. Being in his office, under the current circumstances made her feel like she was back in that position. That she was useless and a fuckup.
Sakura let out a small laugh, trying hard not to let Naruto notice she was upset. She sat back in the chair and closed her eyes. Both of them sat in silence, only the sound of the rain beating on the roof of the Hokage tower filling the room. "Are you okay Sakura-chan?" Sakura just nodded. What should she say? Should they just get into it and get the awkwardness over with?
"Sakura?"
She let out a long sigh, trying to find the courage to find the right words. She looked back at Naruto, his face had an underlying seriousness. "I need you to sign off on those documents in the folder."
Naruto grabbed the tan folder and flipped through its contents. His eyes skimmed line by line till he sat back in his chair, sighing audibly
"You want the training position in Suna?"
Sakura nodded in response.
Naruto took out the paper, signing its contents then putting it away.
"When were you thinking about heading out?" he asked.
"As soon as possible,"
This response caught his attention. His eyes finally met hers, and she could see the same concern that Shizune had during their conversation. "Sakura-chan is something going on?"
Sakura could feel that lump appearing in the back of her throat. She swallowed hard. It was still there.
"Are you not getting enough sleep? Hinata says you're always at the hospital. You don't have to work that much ya know?" He said.
Sakura swatted at the air dismissing what he was saying. "It's not that Naruto." Her voice came out softer than intended. His blonde eyebrows furrowed in response. Blue orbs were now observing her intently.
"What is it?" he asked.
"It's nothing."
"Sakura-chan. This isn't nothing. You can talk to me." Naruto said her name in a way that reminded her of their genin days.
She let out a sigh before sitting straight in the chair. Her slender fingers tucked her short pink locks behind her ears as she readjusted. "I've been having. nightmares"
"Nightmares?" His face twisted in confusion.
He took a moment to process what she had just told him. "Yeah."
He waited, but when she did not elaborate further, he propped his elbows on the desk.
"Is it about the war?"
"No." She cut him off before he could finish. "I keep waking up because I feel like someone is. " Sakura took a moment to rub her eyes. Hearing what she was about to say verbalized seemed crazy.
"Someone is what?" Naruto asked.
Sakura sank back, letting out a sigh. "I think someone has been coming into my apartment while I sleep." Sakura didn't like how quiet the room was. Naruto seemed to sit up at her comment. His demeanor instantly shifted.
"It's probably nothing." She tried to reassure him.
"Do you want me to have members of the anbu to watch your place for a couple of nights?"
Sakura felt silly now. Maybe even dramatic. She shook her head at his question.
"Honestly Naruto, it's probably just where my sleep schedule is out of whack."
His eyes narrowed at her. Even though they were older now, she could still see the boyishness in his face.
"Sakura, I'm worried about you. Hinata has even mentioned it. You aren't even going to dinner every week like all of you guys used to."
"I've just been busy Naruto."
"Everyone is worried Sakura-chan. You're withdrawing, overworking, you didn't even come to our baby shower, and now you tell me you think someone is in your apartment."
Sakura winced. She just wanted to leave. She wished she hadn't said anything and just kept it to herself. She didn't like people worrying about her. She didn't like feeling like a burden.
"Naruto I'm fine."
"Sakura you aren't." Naruto's voice was stern.
He let out a sigh, clasping his hands together, taking a moment to gather his words.
"I don't know what happened between you and grandma Tsunade, but you changed."
That knot began to form in her stomach once more. She felt like she was going to be sick. Even hearing her name made Sakura upset. Sakura shifted her gaze. She just wanted to leave. If she knew this was the outcome, she never would have gone to the hospital this morning.
"Sakura." His voice made her stir from her thoughts. One look, the look on his face, threatened to level her. He felt sorry for her. Did he know? The knot in her stomach began to coil. She needed to leave.
Tears began to brim her eyes. She stood straightening her pants, pressing on the fabric.
"It's nothing. I'm sorry to run, but... I need to go home and prepare to head to Suna tomorrow." She mustered all the energy she could to give a reassuring smile. She didn't quite stick it though.
She bowed and made her way to the door. Naruto called after her, but she couldn't stay. She needed to get out. This entire day made her want to disappear and that's what she intended to do.
Author note: Thank you to all that have read the first chapter and enjoyed it! I will be updating soon! If you are interested in drawings for the story I will link my Tumblr below. Thank you!
blog/ghostiep00