A/N: Sorry for the long delay guys. I'm finishing up school and things have been crazy and I just haven't had time to write. Hope this chapter makes it worth it.
Four hours later and Elliott still hadn't returned, causing Cordelia to curse herself for not looking when she had the chance. She knew it wouldn't change the outcome, if Elliott didn't want to be found she wouldn't, but at least the woman could say she tried. Once curfew had come and gone Cordelia resorted to pacing around the kitchen, wondering if Elliott would even come back. It wasn't like she could disappear forever, she had no clothes, no money and no way of contacting anyone, although the more Cordelia thought about it, the more she realized nothing seemed to be a necessity to her daughter, and she was resourceful enough that she would find a way just to prove a point. It still was an unusual feeling for Cordelia, to be so worried yet still so incredibly angry. The worry was a more persistent feeling, gnawing at her bones and making her hands quake, while the anger came in flashes, buzzing through her veins and burning her cheeks. It never was like this with the other girls. Sure, they came with their own set of problems, acting on their best behavior until they were comfortable and then stirring up trouble, but it was never quite like this. None of the girls managed to get Cordelia worked up in the way Elliott did, save for Madison, but her background was always spotty.
It was then that Elliott and Madison's baffling relationship started to make a little more sense, like a crinkle in her brainwaves uncurling ever so slightly. It wasn't because Elliott thought Madison had a charming personality or a cheery disposition, it was purely because Madison understood. Elliott never had to explain herself to the starlet, at least not in the same way she did to her mother. Hell, Madison knew something was wrong with Elliott before Cordelia even did.
That was the thing that frustrated Cordelia the most, that everyone seemed to understand Elliott better than her. It wasn't completely unexpected, Cordelia knew there were going to be times where she would be clueless to her daughter's thoughts and actions, but she didn't think it would be a constant battle. It drove her absolutely crazy, feeling like everyone else could see something she couldn't. Maybe she just wasn't paying enough attention, maybe Elliott was right.
Elliott tried to open the front door as quietly as possible, hoping by some miracle everyone had gone to bed and she could slip past unnoticed, but that wasn't the case. She had barely shut the door before she heard the telltale tap of heels on the hardwood, Cordelia soon coming into view. Elliott saw the look on her face and immediately cast her eyes down, bracing for the incoming storm.
Cordelia was the first to break the silence, "You scared the shit out of me."
"Sorry," Elliott began, "I forgot the buses stopped running at 11 so I had to walk back."
Cordelia didn't miss the way Elliott squared her shoulders, like she was waiting for her to yell, and boy did she want to. However, she knew Elliott enough to understand that yelling wouldn't help, if anything it would only make Elliott defensive and the whole situation worse. She took a deep breath, glancing at the ground in front of Elliott's feet, only to see the girl barefoot, "You aren't wearing shoes."
"Yea, I left the house without them," Elliott said carefully, "And I wore my socks on the bus so now I have to burn them."
Cordelia would have laughed if the situation wasn't so tense, the air between the two thick and heavy. She didn't know what to say, how to even begin, she just knew she had to keep asking questions, "How far did you walk?"
"Three miles." Elliott said, still not looking her in the eye.
"Where did you go?" Cordelia asked.
Elliott paused for a moment, "A park I used to go to."
Cordelia pursed her lips, "Parks close after dark."
"So I've been told." Elliott said with a sigh.
The two sat in an eerie silence for a few moments, Elliott clearing her throat awkwardly. Cordelia could feel the change in Elliott's energy from earlier, the low hum making her uneasy. Cordelia finally asked, "Are you ok?"
This was where Elliott should have said something, but her mouth just kept forming around empty words, opening and closing and opening again, but she couldn't seem to find her voice. She didn't understand it, she wanted to tell Cordelia the truth, so why couldn't she just spit it out?
"Elle?" Cordelia asked again, making Elliott feel like she was taking far too long.
Finally, she just gave up, spitting out a "Yeah" that wasn't even close to believable.
"Are you sure?" Cordelia asked, Elliott once again not responding, not even looking in her direction. Cordelia hesitantly took a step forward, then another, slowly closing the gap until she reached out and carefully touched Elliott's arm, the girl jerking her gaze up. Elliott's eyes looked even more electric in the light, and that was all it took for the woman to know she had been crying. She looked so sad and confused. Cordelia couldn't help it when her features softened, any trace of anger leaving her body instantly. She had only seen that same look once before; the night Cordelia came back. There was something she wasn't saying, Cordelia knew it in her bones, but she had to tread carefully, she had to keep her talking.
She could feel the goosebumps on Elliott's damp skin, dragging her vision down as she got a proper look at the girl, her t-shirt completely soaked through "You're all wet."
Elliott's brow furrowed, "It's raining."
Cordelia shook her head, "You're freezing. Come sit down."
Cordelia waited for Elliott to move, but she never did, like she was frozen in place. Finally, Cordelia grabbed her hand and led her to the couch, Elliott sitting as far away from her mother as possible and curling in on herself, like she needed protecting, but Cordelia wasn't sure from what. "Sweetheart," Cordelia asked, her voice noticeably softer, more controlled, "What is going on?"
Elliott took a deep breath, trying to prepare herself to actually say it, but once again her body didn't seem to want to cooperate, mouth forming around the empty words as she searched for them.
Cordelia could see her struggling, the frustration clear on her features, "Elle?" Elliott dropped her head into her hands and lets out a groan. She was trying to get it out, but Cordelia didn't seem to want to give her the time, "I just want you to talk to me."
Elliott let out a huff, "I am talking to you."
Cordelia sighed, "There's something you aren't getting from me and I don't know what it is."
Elliott grew frustrated, dropping her head to her knees and groaning, "Oh my god. Even you yelling would be better than this."
"Elliott..." Cordelia spit out, watching Elliott's shoulders immediately drop as she let out what appeared to be a relieved sigh, like the tension just burst and she could finally relax. "That's what it was…" Cordelia said quietly, her eyes glazing over. Elliott was an unusual girl, but this had to be the strangest and most heartbreaking thing she had done yet.
Elliott glanced over at her, seeing her mother's glazed over eyes, "What?"
Cordelia paused, "You wanted me to yell."
Elliott rolled her eyes, "I was being sarcastic." She locked eyes with her mother once again, watching the woman watch her. It made her feel uncomfortable, like she did something wrong, like Cordelia knew something she didn't.
She shifted in her seat, her hands clenching and unclenching, waiting for Cordelia to do something, but she just stood up, clearing her throat, "I'll make us some tea."
Really, it was just an excuse to leave the room. Elliott wasn't really the type of person you could analyze in real time. Elliott's response didn't surprise her, chances were she didn't even understand the motives behind her actions, it was wired into her brain long before she came to Cordelia, and the woman hated that she let herself get frustrated, that she gave Elliott exactly what she wanted. She was pushing all of Cordelia's buttons, but Cordelia couldn't even tell if it was on purpose.
She couldn't help but feel like she was handling this all wrong. If Misty was there it never would have gone this far. Misty always was the calm one, she just seemed to get Elliott, even when Cordelia's head was spinning and she thought she was going to lose it.
Elliott could hear Cordelia sniffling in the kitchen, the guilt swirling in her gut once again. She wasn't trying to be difficult; she just couldn't say what she needed to, she wasn't even given a chance, or at least the chance she needed.
She pulled her knees to her chest, ducking her head between them. Why did she always have to make everything worse? Cordelia didn't sign up for this, this kind of crazy, no one would, at least not willingly. Elliott knew she was a burden by design, that's why she always tried so hard to keep herself in check, but she just kept failing.
Well, this is it.
Elliott lifted her head and schooled her features, waiting for the moment Cordelia walked out and said she was done. There was no way they could work this out, Cordelia leaving obviously meant she was done, right? Elliott was a train wreck, or at least an impending one. Everyone knew it, so why was she even here?
She knew where this line of thought was heading, a never-ending rabbit hole going down, down, down. If she kept it up, she would just get defensive, which was the last thing she wanted, so she chose to stare at the lit fire in the fireplace, zoning out.
Cordelia was pouring the tea into mugs when she felt the energy shift, ticking up and up until it just bottomed out, which was never a good sign. Cordelia glanced toward the living room, then made the last-minute decision to throw some extra herbs in Elliott's cup, hoping to relax her even a little bit so they could just get through this.
When she walked out, she thought Elliott would turn towards the sound, but she just stared straight ahead, even when Cordelia stood right in front of her to hand her the cup. "Elle?" She asked quietly, watching Elliott snap her gaze towards her and straighten her shoulders, like it would in any way erase what Cordelia had just seen.
She grabbed the mug, whispering a soft "Thank you" as Cordelia retook her seat on the couch, neither one of them willing to approach the subject so they just sat in silence.
Cordelia studied her daughter carefully behind the rim of her mug. It wasn't difficult to do, Elliott hadn't even looked in her direction once, instead choosing to stare at a point on the floor with glazed over eyes, not even touching her tea. The supreme didn't want to push, knowing whatever was going on inside her head was loud and all consuming, but finally spoke up around the third time the girl jumped from the crackling of the fire. "You should drink it," She said softly, "It'll help."
Elliott stared at the mug for a moment, trying to search her brain for some way to explain all of this, but she couldn't seem to find the words, finally shaking her head and standing, "We should go to bed." Cordelia moved to object, but Elliott cut her off before she even had a chance to speak, "I'll apologize to Madison tomorrow."
Cordelia shook her head, "We're not done."
"We can talk in the morning." Elliott said, rounding the couch and heading for the kitchen.
"We need to talk now." Cordelia said, trailing after her.
"It'll be better in the morning." Elliott said, dumping her still full mug down the sink and rinsing it out, then heading back towards the stairs.
"Elliott…" Cordelia began tiredly, only to be cut off once again.
"I can't talk about it right now." Elliott said firmly, "We can try again in the morning."
Cordelia opened up her mouth to argue once again, but quickly closed it and let out a frustrated sigh, "Fine. But you're staying with me tonight."
Elliott huffed, "I don't…"
"It's non-negotiable." Cordelia said firmly, crossing her arms and setting her face to let her daughter know it wasn't to be argued.
Still, it didn't stop Elliott from giving her attitude, with an eye roll she must have picked up from Madison and a clipped "Fine" before she stomped up the stairs.
Cordelia headed back for the kitchen, trading her mug of tea for a whiskey neat, wine really wasn't going to cut it this time.
It was obvious that Elliott knew what was going on, and that frustrated Cordelia to no end. It would have been easier if there was a reason for her anger, but there wasn't. It wasn't like Elliott had shut down the conversation all together, she still was trying to communicate, it just wasn't exactly what Cordelia wanted to hear. She couldn't even be upset about their fight earlier, because Elliott was right. She broke Misty's heart to give her full attention to Elliott, and she wasn't even giving her that, instead she was locked away in her office avoiding the witch while everyone else could see there was a problem.
Cordelia heard the lock to the front door click open, her posture tensing. No one was supposed to be coming over, at least not that she was aware of. She set down her glass as she heard footsteps, bracing to fight off whoever it was, when Madison strolled into the kitchen, staring at her phone.
"I thought you went home." Cordelia said, causing the starlet to jerk her head up.
"I did." She responded, walking over by the table and bending down and pulling something from the wall, "Forgot my charger."
Cordelia hummed, picking up her glass once again as Madison looked her over. "Did the brat come home yet?"
Cordelia nodded, "Yea, she's in bed."
"Did you figure out what crawled up her ass?" Madison asked.
Cordelia gave a strained chuckle, "No, she didn't want to talk to me."
Madison arched an eyebrow, "Ah, and dear Misty isn't here to fix it for you this time."
"Madison…" Cordelia huffed.
"You know you're being stupid, right?" Madison asked bluntly, Cordelia sighing, "Don't even, I heard the whole thing. You need her, no one can raise a whole ass kid alone. My mom tried and look how that turned out."
Cordelia sighed, "I don't want Elliott to…."
"To what? Think you don't love her because you aren't getting her undivided attention?" Madison asked, "Newsflash, she wouldn't be getting it anyways. You have a whole coven to lead, and she seemed to be doing just fine before."
"That's because she doesn't know any better." Cordelia argued.
"She knows more than you think." Madison said seriously, "She was literally reduced to a paycheck for most of her life. You really think she doesn't know what it's like to be someone else's burden?"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Cordelia asked defensively.
Madison sighed and rolled her eyes, "It means you using your kid as an excuse every time you get scared is fucking whack dude. Get it together."
Cordelia scoffed, "I'm not…"
"You are and she knows it." Madison shot back, "You really think she's going to tell you what's actually going on when she knows it's just going to be the next bullshit reason why you can't make it work?"
Cordelia scoffed again, "You sound like you talk from experience."
"Maybe I do." Madison laughed, Cordelia raising an eyebrow, but Madison was never one to give into curiosity. She shook her head, heading for the door before quickly flipping around, "Stop blaming your kid. Maybe then she'll actually talk to you without worrying she'll send you into another crisis. She already has enough shit to deal with."
As the front door clicked shut Cordelia let out a sigh. She wanted to disregard Madison in her entirety, the girl had never seemed too keen on helping her before, but something about the conversation stuck with Cordelia. Was she really using Elliott as a scapegoat? She thought back on it and her stomach started to knot. Madison wasn't wrong, every time Cordelia had an issue with her relationship, somehow Elliott always factored in. The more she thought about it, the sicker she felt. Fiona used to do the same thing, every time a relationship would end, somehow it was Cordelia's fault. It was her fault her father left, her fault the boyfriends couldn't stick around. Even after she was sent away, somehow it all still managed to be her fault. But Cordelia wasn't blaming Elliott, was she? She was trying to protect her, trying to be the best mother she could be, right?
Cordelia walked to the sink and dumped out her glass, knowing if she stayed up any longer, she surely would be sent into a spiral. It never was a good idea to think about these kinds of things when you were downright exhausted. She headed up the stairs and was relieved to see Elliott fast asleep, she didn't know how she would handle another brawl. She changed and climbed into bed, only to toss and turn.
Cordelia never wanted to hurt Elliott, that wasn't her intention, but still it seemed like she was doing it regardless. Cordelia knew the girl was fragile, as much as she tried to hide it. She still felt everything so deeply, and Cordelia knew she took blame for things that weren't her fault, much like Cordelia did when she was her age. She hated to admit that she saw herself in the girl, because Cordelia used to hate the person who was staring back at her in the mirror, but she couldn't deny that Elliott mirrored the girl she once was, the one who was lost and desperately looking for someone to cling to. She never wanted to be anything like Fiona, but she had to wonder if she had gone so far in the opposite direction that she was circling back around. Maybe that was the problem, maybe she was being too careful, avoiding anything that would cause her daughter pain and bringing it right to her in the process.
And then there was Misty. Her Misty. Everything felt so easy when she was around, like everything magically fell into place. But it couldn't be that easy, could it? Nothing with Hank, or any of her past relationships, had ever been this easy, this simple. Maybe that was the problem.
Cordelia was always told that relationships were hard, that they took work and sacrifice and constant reevaluation, and she carried that with her every day. Cordelia was always the problem solver, the one who was willing to work and compromise and do anything she could to make everything ok again, but now all she seemed to do was cause issues. It wasn't that she didn't love Misty, it was that the amount of love she had for her was terrifying. Misty hadn't even been gone a full day and her life was already in ruins.
Cordelia rolled over and faced Elliott, studying her face as her eyelids fluttered, and she couldn't help but feel guilty. Elliott was so attached to Misty, so intertwined with their entire relationship, she had been from the moment Misty returned, as much as Cordelia tried to keep her separate. Of course she was hurting, how could Cordelia possibly think she wouldn't be? She wasn't thinking, that was the problem. She just spewed out her insecurities before she had time to process, and both Misty and Elliott were caught in the crossfire.
Cordelia was so busy working herself up she barely noticed the energy shift, attributing it to her own stress until she saw Elliott's forehead crease, her eyes fluttering more rapidly.
"Mama!" Elliott called out from the backseat, "Look!"
"Mama's driving, baby." Elliott's dad laughed from the passenger seat, "Why don't you show me?"
"No. Mama." Elliott whined, kicking her feet in her car seat as her mother chuckled.
"Alright, I'm looking." Elliott's mother said, glancing up at her in the rearview mirror, "Go ahead and show me."
Elliott lifted her new doll in the air, waving it around rapidly, "Pretty."
Her mother laughed, "Yes, baby. Very pretty."
Her dad chuckled, "I thought she'd be out like a light by now."
Her mother smiled, "Give her a few minutes."
She wasn't wrong, the next time she glanced back, Elliott's eyes were flickering closed, her head slumped on her shoulder. "Told you." Her mother snickered, gesturing towards the backseat, but her father didn't even have a chance to look back before they were surrounded by a bright white light, the entire car lurching forward and spinning.
When Elliott came to, she was being lifted out of the window by a man in a police uniform, who tucked her close to his chest. She lifted her head and he attempted to pull it back down, but it was too late, she could see her mother slumped over the steering wheel, her eyes still open. "Mama!" She cried out, but the woman didn't respond. She struggled in the man's arms, flailing her limbs every which way as tears leaked down her chin, "Mama!"
"Mama…" Elliott whimpered, tears starting to roll down her cheek at a rapid pace, "Mama…"
Cordelia immediately reached for her, rubbing away the tears with her thumbs as she tried to gently wake her, "Elle… Come on baby, wake up." The whimpering stopped, Elliott slowly coming to, but the second she opened her eyes she jerked back, disoriented. "Hey, hey, it's just me." Cordelia said gently as Elliott's eyes darted around, trying to get her bearings, "You're ok."
Cordelia thought waking her would settle her down, remind her that she was safe, but it felt like waking the girl had bothered her more than the dream, tears brimming in her eyes as she sat up and wiped at her nose. Cordelia tried to reach for her again, tried to comfort her, but Elliott moved away from her touch, her head shaking only slightly, which only confused her further. Wasn't she crying for Cordelia only a moment earlier? Apparently, it wasn't enough to break the girl's resolve. The supreme tried to mask the hurt, clearing her throat slightly, "I'll go get you some water."
She had barely made it to the doorway when an image of a young, screaming Elliott flashed through her vision.
"Mama!"
Cordelia paused in the doorframe and looked back at the girl, wondering if she was trying to tell her something, but Elliott wasn't even looking at her, just staring blankly at the blanket covering her body. She turned back around and headed down the stairs, trying to understand exactly what she was dealing with. She didn't even make it to the kitchen before the realization dawned on her that Elliott wasn't calling out for her, and it took only a moment longer before she realized exactly what the dream was about. Cordelia read the accident report, she knew Elliott had been in the car. But once the adoption passed without a hiccup, she pushed it to the back of her mind, thinking Elliott didn't remember it at all. So why was it coming up now? Was Elliott starting to feel guilty? Was that why she was so angry?
Suddenly, Elliott's admission of losing control didn't seem so far off. Witches powers were tied to their subconscious, to their emotions, and if you bottled them up, they were sure to misfire. It was obvious she hadn't meant to show Cordelia what she did, and since that was the ability she had the most control over, anything was fair game.
She made it all of five steps into the room when Elliott spoke softly, "My parents died today." The young witch glanced at the clock, "Or, uh…yesterday, I guess."
Cordelia waited a moment, hoping the girl would meet her eyes, but when she didn't the woman stepped forward to place the glass on the nightstand, sitting down in front of the girl and brushing Elliott's hair behind her ear. "Why didn't you tell me?" Cordelia asked, bringing her hand forward until it was cupping the girl's face, forcing her to make eye contact.
Elliott only met her gaze for a moment before casting her eyes down, hoping to hide the tears that were quickly glazing her eyes, "I don't know."
Cordelia sighed, "Because I had a fight with Misty."
Elliott was quick to shake her head, "No, I wanted to. I don't know why I couldn't."
Cordelia could see her daughter getting frustrated, her eyebrows creasing as she shook her head rapidly, reaching to grasp her face in both hands, halting her movements, "Shh, its ok. Everything's ok." She couldn't help but curse herself for not remembering the date, for letting it slip out of her mind. Of course the day would be hard for Elliott, it was silly of her to think t wouldn't matter.
Elliott was quiet for a moment, and Cordelia could practically see the gears in her head turning, "Why aren't you mad at me?"
Cordelia stared at her for a moment, "Why would I be mad about this?"
"Because…" Elliott trailed off, her eyes darting around once again, like even talking about it was uncomfortable.
Cordelia waited a moment, trying to give her time to gather her thoughts, wanting to understand what exactly was running through her head. When Elliott didn't continue, Cordelia tried again, "Because why?"
Elliott creased her brow and rubbed at her eyes, red tainted images flashing through Cordelia's mind. Elliott's mother dead on the steering wheel, her skin a sicky shade of white, her father slumped over, Elliott thrashing against the officer.
Mama, look!
Cordelia reached for Elliott's face once again, trying to bring her back to reality, "Because why, baby?"
Elliott met Cordelia's eyes and shook her head, and the woman knew it was time to back off. She understood the girl's distress. The dream was graphic, at least from what Cordelia had seen, of course she couldn't think straight.
Instead, Cordelia moved over to the center of the bed, placing herself next to Elliott and pulling the girl towards her. They didn't need to talk, Elliott just needed to know she was there, that she wasn't going anywhere, despite everything that had happened. Elliott resisted for a moment, shaking her head, but Cordelia was consistent and eventually she gave in, the older woman carding her hands through Elliott's hair as she could feel the girl shake beneath her arms.
It was like the last bits of Elliott's resolve broke, the way she clung on to Cordelia's shirt with white knuckles, tears quickly seeping through, although Cordelia could tell Elliott was still trying to hold them back. "Do you dream about the accident often?" She finally asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
Elliott shook her head, but took a moment to formulate a proper response, "I didn't even know I remembered it."
Cordelia sucked in a breath, the strewn-out pieces from the day finally clicking together, like the trauma was a magnet, and maybe it was. The confusion, the fighting, the anger, all of it. Elliott was repressing it for years, understandably from what little bit Cordelia had seen. She had so many feelings bottled up with no explanation that she could access, of course she was getting frustrated. Her grip tightened as she dropped a kiss on Elliott's head, "I'm so sorry, baby."
Elliott shook her head, "Don't be. It was my fault."
Cordelia paused, her muscles tensing, "What?"
"It was my fault." Elliott repeated, like the phrase didn't just break Cordelia in two, like it was a normal passing thought.
Against her better judgement, Cordelia pulled away, "Why would you think that?"
Elliott sat up, rubbing her eyes, "I was trying to get her attention… She looked away from the road…"
Cordelia stopped her, "Baby, no. It wasn't your fault."
Elliott shook her head, "Yes it was."
"Your mom didn't do anything wrong, she did everything right." Cordelia said firmly, "The other driver was drunk and ran a red."
"Somehow that makes it worse." Elliott said sarcastically.
"Why? It wasn't her fault," Cordelia said, "It wasn't your fault."
Elliott sighed, "If I hadn't been trying…"
Cordelia knew where Elliott was heading, stopping her in her tracks, "Baby, you were two years old. There was nothing you could have done any differently that would have changed the outcome. You did nothing wrong. That wasn't your fault, not even a little bit."
Elliott dropped her head, "You don't know that."
"Yes, I do." Cordelia stated, "I read the accident report."
"That doesn't mean anything." Elliott fired back.
"Why?" Cordelia asked, pulling Elliott's face back to look at her.
"Because they weren't there." Elliott spit back.
Cordelia sighed, "Regardless of what happened in that car, they weren't at fault. Someone hit them."
"But they were looking at me." Elliott said, "IF they weren't, they could've stopped…"
"No, no… we're not doing this." Cordelia said, cupping Elliott's face, "You're not doing this. You can't judge yourself based on what you know now. You were a baby. It's not the same, sweetheart." Cordelia studied the girl as she made a face, knowing there was something she wasn't saying, "What?"
Elliott pulled away and shook her head, "No, yeah, you're right."
Cordelia sighed, "Don't do that. Please don't do that. You know I can't help you if you don't talk to me."
Elliott sighed in return, her face going slack as she tried to concentrate, and only seconds after was the accident with David flashing through Cordelia's mind. Cordelia moved to say something, but Elliott was quick to cut her off, "I appreciate you trying to make me feel better, but nothing you say is going to change how I feel about it."
Cordelia paused, trying to think of a way to work around Elliott's stubbornness. The situation was complicated, she knew that, but Elliott had seemed to be handling it so well, or at least as well as she could. It had never even crossed Cordelia's mind that she had felt responsible. The supreme took a breath, "How long have you felt like this?"
Elliott glanced away, refusing to look back at her mother, "Since it happened."
Cordelia rested her hand on Elliott's thigh, gaining her attention, "Why didn't you tell me?"
Elliott's eyebrows creased before she shook her head, "I didn't need to."
"Sweetheart," Cordelia began, "That is exactly what you need to tell me. You shouldn't be feeling this way. You had nothing to do with it, it wasn't your fault."
Elliott sighed, "He was trying to make me feel better. He wouldn't have even left the house if…"
"If I didn't do what I did." Cordelia stated, "Does that make it my fault?"
"What? No." Elliott responded, "Why would you think that?"
"He wasn't paying attention because of a situation I caused," Cordelia said calmly, watching Elliott's expression become more bewildered, "So it's my fault."
Cordelia thought her plan had worked for a moment, watching Elliott's eyes dart around trying to formulate a response, but she always was too smart for her own good, her face falling "Are you trying to reverse psychology me?"
Still, Cordelia tried to keep up the charade, reaching over to take a sip of Elliott's water, "No, if it's your fault that he was out, then it's also mine."
Elliott waited until her mother's mouth was full to craft her response, calmy saying, "And Misty's."
It got the reaction she was hoping for, the supreme choking on her water, "What? No."
"Well, you two were arguing," Elliott continued, knowing exactly what buttons to push, "So if it's my fault for going and yours for being the reason, then Misty is guilty by association."
Cordelia snapped, "It's not your fault, and it's not my fault, and it certainly isn't Misty's."
Elliott smirked, "So you were trying to reverse psychology me."
Cordelia tossed her a halfhearted glare, "Was it working?"
Elliott laughed, "No, but it was a valiant effort."
Cordelia sighed, "Elle…."
"Nothing you say is going to change it." Elliott said, "It's just something I have to deal with, so you might as well save your breath."
"No," Cordelia said, "Because you still need to hear it."
"Why?" Elliott asked.
"Because if you hear it, it gets easier to believe." Cordelia said.
Elliott snickered, standing up and heading towards the bathroom, "If only that worked on you."
"What is that supposed to mean?" Cordelia asked.
"Nothing." Elliott said with a shrug, quickly disappearing behind the bathroom door.
Cordelia couldn't help but hear Madison's words echo in her head, over and over and over again. Sure, Madison just liked to start trouble, but this didn't seem that way. The girls were close, or about as close as anyone could be to Madison. She had always been Elliott's confidant, and Cordelia couldn't help but feel like this was a conversation the two had had before. Cordelia poured back over every fight she had in her memory, and they all had one thing in common. Elliott.
You can say it's because of me but it's not, it's because of you.
Cordelia barely heard the bathroom door creak open before she blurted, "I'm sorry", the words bubbling out before she even had a coherent thought.
Elliott paused before coming to sit back on the bed, "What are you sorry for?"
Cordelia's mouth opened and closed, still not entirely sure what exactly she was apologizing for. Elliott watched her for a moment, and her eyebrow arched as she let out a small chuckle.
"What?" Cordelia asked.
Elliott shook her head, "Nothing. What are you sorry for?"
Cordelia could feel the tears building just beneath her eyelids, sighing to try to regain some control, "A lot."
Elliott's brows creased, "You're going to have to be more specific."
Cordelia cleared her throat, "I talked with Madison."
"That's never good." Elliott stated, Cordelia laughing for a moment before the tears finally broke through, Elliott's face quickly turning to one of concern, "Hey, hey, it's ok. I'm fine."
"It's not fine." Cordelia cried. She really was trying to keep herself together, but she couldn't.
"What's not fine?" Elliott asked, crawling towards Cordelia to wipe the tears from her cheeks, "I'm here, I'm alive. What isn't fine?"
Cordelia didn't answer, so Elliott kept talking, "Is Madison still here?"
Cordelia shook her head before glancing up, "Why?"
"Because her eyes are about to match." Elliott said, standing up and fumbling in the dark for something.
Cordelia sighed, "No, Elliott. Sit down. She didn't do anything."
"You're crying, she obviously did something." Elliott retorted.
"I'm crying because of me." Cordelia said, grabbing her arm and pulling, "Sit. Down."
Elliott huffed but complied, flopping back down on the bed, "You really expect me to believe that Madison didn't say something mean to you?"
"No," Cordelia said, "She didn't."
"Then why are you crying?" Elliott asked, "Listen, if this is about what I said earlier I'm really sorry. I didn't mean…."
"Elliott," Cordelia said, reeling the girl back in, "This has nothing to do with you."
"Then why are you apologizing to me?" Elliott asked.
Cordelia sighed, "It's about Misty."
Elliott cocked her head, "What? I told you, I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me."
Cordelia shook her head, "No, it's not about that. It's about the fight we had last night."
"I don't need to know." Elliott said, "We should go to bed."
"No, we can't." Cordelia said, "I need to talk about this. Now."
"I don't want to know." Elliott said, "I really don't."
Cordelia paused, not expecting the response. Normally, Elliott wanted to know everything so she could fix it, but something must have shifted. "Why?" She asked.
"It's none of my business." Elliott said with a shrug, but Cordelia just stared at her, so she continued, "I know it was about me, you don't have to tell me."
"Why do you think it was about you?" Cordelia asked, Elliott letting out a chuckle.
"Because it's always about me." Elliott said, only solidifying what Cordelia already knew, that Madison's comment wasn't something that materialized out of thin air.
Cordelia shook her head, "It shouldn't be."
Elliott chuckled, "It's not like I don't know that I'm a handful."
Cordelia knew Elliott was just trying to make her feel better, but it made her feel even worse, like taking the blame was something so normal for her she didn't even bother to be upset. "No, don't say that." Cordelia said, "You aren't a handful."
Elliott snickered, "We both know that's a lie."
"Elliott…" Cordelia sighed, trying to figure out a way to articulate her thoughts into something that actually was meaningful, but still all she could say was, "I'm sorry."
"I don't even know what you're sorry for." Elliott said, watching for a moment as Cordelia only grew more frustrated, putting her head in her hands "Mama," Elliott said, waiting until Cordelia looked back at her, "Do you love her?"
The question shouldn't have made Cordelia's heart race and her throat run dry. She had told Misty dozens upon dozens of times that she loved her, but something about the way Elliott had asked just made it feel so real, so final. Elliott knew what she was asking, and so did Cordelia. She wasn't asking about puppy love, or just pure infatuation. For all the doubts Cordelia had, loving Misty wasn't one.
"Yes." Cordelia said, "I love her."
"Alright," Elliott said, nodding curtly, "Then fix it."